31
Floydian
132d

Based on our local traditional calendar, it's my birthday today.

Since the time I gained enough conciousness ti handle myself, I have never celebrated it.

Life is dispair for me. Every step is a land mine and hence, I have no reason to celebrate my birth.

Failures and struggles is all I am surrounded by.

What more could go wrong, you ask?

The girl I have an intense crush on at work, today I learned she has a boyfriend.

What a birthday gift I received. 😂😂😂😂😂

Just totally devasted and destroyed within.

I want to cry. Cry my fucking heart. The emotional pain is unbearable.

But on the way to adulthood, I have lost the ability to cry.

I don't know what to do, whom to talk or where to go. I never been so numb.

I can only look forward to next chapter of life. More pain to come. Stay tuned. 😊

Comments
  • 3
    Hang I there buddy. The community is here for you. We look after our own....
    *High five* 🖐
  • 1
    @akashvartak thanks but not really in mood man...
  • 5
    @Floydian (whispers) I never had a GF too!
    (considers getting a BF, lol)
  • 4
    @CozyPlanes not having a gf is better than a broken heart.
  • 8
    Existence is pain.

    We're all here to die.

    It's okay.
  • 4
    We feel with you, brother
  • 3
    @RantSomeWhere thanks. But I just want to be left alone.
  • 1
    Maybe I deserve more hate and pain.

    Sometimes love is just not enough.
  • 2
    Whatever happiness I felt until today was the highest happiness I can feel in my life.

    Only downhill from now.

    Good thing is, I have a headache.

    Physical pain to suppress emotional pain.
  • 6
    Cheer up, @Floydian.
    A lot of us go through/are going through/have gone through this sort of stuff. It's totally normal. Hang in there, we're there for you.
    Just look at your notification history for proof :p

    Perhaps you could try taking up a hobby? Like clay sculpture. Writing. Painting. Collecting coins/stamps. Playing guitar. Something that is radically different from your usual day to day stuff, and gives you those little moments of joy.
    Or even owning a pet. Pets are awesome.
  • 2
    you really don't celebrate your birthday?
  • 3
    @Floydian yeah, sorry mate
  • 4
    @RememberMe thanks. That made me smile a bit.
  • 2
    @bcye as long as I remember, never.
  • 3
    @CozyPlanes it's okay brother.
  • 4
    What @RememberMe said. Pets really are awesome. Thing is, it's not like they absorb negativity and get depressed themselves. No, after some petting both feel better. And it's measurable: both will have lower blood pressure.

    You'd preferably want to take a mammal though 😁

    You know what helps me when I'm down? Watching war movies. It makes me think: hell, my shit is nothing compared to what those guys had to go through. There's always better or worse!
  • 2
    See of birthday as a celebration what you survived till now. All that shit hasn't killed nor will the shit that is behind the next corner.
  • 1
    Here's one on a professional level: people tend to compare their crap moments to the best moments of other people. You shouldn't 8)
  • 3
    Remember... YOLO... and learn to not give a fuck.

    Honestly those are the 2 things that keep me going. As long as I have a job that pays the bills, I do whatever the hell I want... Yea a GF would be nice but... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • 1
    Oh and I don't tend to celebrate my birthday either... Though my parents do.

    Birthdays == cake

    Living by myself == cake anytime I want
  • 2
    I know that feeling very well... It'll get better after some time, trust me (I know its hard to believe).

    Also... Its my birthday as well today 😂🤔 (how high are the fkn chances of two random strangers on the internet having the same birthday????)
  • 2
    @kolaente are you thinking about that mathematical statistics question somewhere online... The answer I remember is petty high.
  • 1
    Dude, honestly, get a hold of yourself. You're a cool guy. And if you want to be left alone, just tune into your favourite music and have a blast listening to an album you really like. Not a song, an album. Disconnect for a bit. Then put your balls on display like you do in your rants.

    Pain is just a switch. Sudo that mofo into /dev/null like there's no tomorrow.

    Get over that girl, too. This isn't high school anymore.

    Hit me up if you want to get into some more deep shit, you're one of the people around here who I appreciate a lot. Right up there with Linux, Linuxxx and AlexDeLarge. Maybe a few others, but I'm wasted right now and can't remember their handles.
  • 1
    Courtesy of @NoMad. Maybe this app can help a bit with the pain. https://share.neverthink.tv/Ja6Qg
  • 2
    @FunkDelegate thanks man for that professional advice. I have a folder full of such motivational stuff and it has this one as well.

    But none of them seems to work. Because I have been through this shit earlier and have become immune to temporary motivation.

    With the pet idea, I live my parents and cannot own a pet. Either pet will be kicked out or me 😂😂
  • 0
    @gitreflog true. But just like birthdays, this shit happens over and over again.

    Everytime and there is no end to it. I try to be a good human being but all I get in return is pain.

    It's not that I expect anything for my good deeds but what have I done to go through it everytime I do something good?
  • 1
    @billgates same. My parents celebrate it for me. They are the only reason I am alive today. Else I see no purpose of my mine here.
  • 2
    @kolaente happy birthday bro...

    I know I shall pass but then good times last very less as compared to bad ones. That is what pisses me off.
  • 0
    @julianmd thank you so much bro for being here when I need you guys the most. Yeah, I would like to talk...
  • 1
    @newNewbie no. Life is unfair.

    Some live a happier life and some live a sadder life.
  • 1
    @billgates @NoMad that is really cool. I'll check it out.
  • 0
    @NoMad thanks for wishing.

    Agree with the stats, but somehow I don't think I am meant to be loved or have a SO in my destiny.
  • 1
    devRant I guess would like to wish you a happy birthday with a nice #... (I may have ruined it)
  • 1
    @billgates hahah thanks. Upvotes are the only positive thing which are rising for me right now.
  • 1
    @Floydian just gotta learn to enjoy life. Need I change in mindset/perspective. I used to be zoomed in on career and how interviews are just BS (i still think they are) but I realized as long as I ain't fired, I've got enough.
  • 0
    @teganburns thanks. Share the link.
  • 1
    @billgates true. But things never go as we plan and 100% of the things we worry about never happen or exist at all.
  • 1
    @Floydian true and that's why we all do Agile now. I think in most self help books I read, you set long term goals or values and you just try to constantly adjust the direction... Although for me it's very hard to set long term goals... Other than abstract things like getting a gf or winning the lottery.

    So I guess for me, it's more like keep the nest egg growing and try to maximize each day. Usually I have a plan but am sorta flexible and sometimes end up throwing it out the window...
  • 1
    @billgates I can relate to you so much.

    Breaking things to smaller chunks and then working on them is the only way to go.

    And yes, only long term goal is to have a SO and die satisfied.

    None of them seems to be achievable now at this point in time, but yes there are other ideas which work in short term.

    Passion project is one of them.
  • 1
    But yes life happens and you just have to adjust... Sink or swim... I've had a few as well... You either need someone to give you a push or a pull. Usually my parents or I just want to have or do something.
  • 1
    @NoMad me 3
  • 0
    @NoMad @billgates welcome to the #ForeverAloneLifeIsDespair club.

    I just don't have the skills where as the girls around me are attracted to jerks/bad guys and later cry for being left behind by those guys.

    I don't see any point of being a kind and a good human being. Because in the end we all are going to die.
  • 0
    @NoMad really great point there.

    In my first and only relationship, I fucked up real bad. I was the worst asshole you could find on face of the earth. After she left, I took control and turn my life 180 degrees around.

    I don't like to brag about myself but I am smarter, humourous, wiser, healthier (physically and mentally) than my own previous self.

    I constantly improve every moment of my life.

    I get shit loads of compliments everyday from women. Get a lot of stares on my looks (I am not handsome but I manage to carry myself with confidence) from some of the hottest chics around me.

    My friends are jealous. I can make anybody laugh and impress them in less than five minutes of conversation. I speak of statistics and experience.

    But when it comes to her, when I see her, I fucking loose my balls completely. She is practically magic and I even forget to breathe. Hence, I goof up like a pro 😎

    Only thing I suck at is continuing a conversation. Contd...
  • 0
    @NoMad having an extremely curious personality and iq around 140, I get bored in less than 5 minutes and there's hardly anything that interest me.

    I am romantic as hell and can drive a woman nuts. But not sure why am I unable to talk to her as we have no common ground or good reason to spend time together.

    Hence, in this conservative society I hail from talking to a random girl without knowing her is considered as a taboo and will only make me look like a creep.

    Only if we worked together or had a reason to spend sometime together work related or something else, I could have made it.

    It is difficult to make me laugh at times. Hence, I loose interest in conversations. But lately have been working on it.

    And when I first saw this movie, I related myself this scene...
  • 1
    @NoMad well as I said in my post and previous comment,

    1. She has a boyfriend now
    2. Seeing her gives me terrible butterflies to even look at her. Let alone talking.
    3. Walking up to a random office worker without knowing each other at all and asking some personal questions will not only get me rejected permanently but can also cost my job.

    Here to ask that level of question, one needs to know a person or atleast be a friend for minimum of six months of constant contact.
  • 1
    I can totally relate to you. I used to be someone who could easily talk to a girl I'm not interested in and quite the opposite when I had a crush on her. Same with job interviews. Eventually it changed by getting older and having more experience.

    I also had thoughts that assholes take it all. And in a way, that's true. I've given it a lot of thought already in my life. My conclusion would be it's true in a capitalist system, so about anywhere in the world... E.g. you don't get rich by being honest or a nice guy.

    Apart from that I think it's better to be a nice guy. That's how I can still have great moments with people I haven't seen for years 😁
  • 0
    @FunkDelegate yes we need to be an asshole to get rich or get the girl.

    Also, what's the point of all that experience to impress her, when the right time has passed to enjoy it with the girl you like?
  • 1
    you'll probably be over her by then. "Probably", cuz I still carry some girls I had a crush on in my heart until this very day. I have a big heart with lots of space in it 😁

    About assholes getting girls: I think it's because they aren't shy. They're not obstructed by "I have a crush" feelings, so they don't give a fuck. Also because they want to fuck anything that moves. Even when they're married. Hence, statistically, that's mostly the kind of guy a girl will meet.

    Still, I do think girls like nice guys, with a bit of a feminine side.
  • 1
    @FunkDelegate ironically, I carry those girls in my heart as well because I believe things should have happen when we want because that's when we think the time is right for us.

    Yes, those assholes are reason why most relationships end up terribly.

    And it's not about feminine side. Never.

    Society teaches that a guy should make the first move and hence girls wait. At times even if we do, it goes unnoticed.
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