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Right, to all the drivers here, let's put some truths out there.

1) There are two sides to the road for a reason. It's to stop head on crashes. If you don't understand this, then you have no business being in a car, got it?

2) Cyclists are slow. Yes, it's annoying, yes you can be stuck behind them for a while, but if you're on a blind bend, DON'T FUCKING OVERTAKE THEM YOU MORONS!!! SERIOUSLY, DON’T!!! WAIT TILL YOU CAN SEE THAT IT’S CLEAR, DON’T JUST PULL OUT AND BE ON MY SIDE OF THE FUCKING ROAD DOING 50MPH ON A BLIND FUCKING BEND YOU UTTER SELFISH, DANGEROUS PILES OF STEAMING TURED!!!!!

3) Pot Holes. Theses appear on both sides of the road. If you see one on your side of the road, look ahead and CHECK IF THE OTHER SIDE IS CLEAR BEFORE YOU PULL OUT!!! I DON’T APPRECIATE HAVING TO DRIVE INTO A FUCKING DITCH TO AVOID YOU JUST BECAUSE YOU DON’T WANT TO SCUFF THE TYRES ON YOUR OVERPRICED HIRE PURCHASE AUDI, OK??? MY TYRES ARE NEW, AND I’D RATHER NOT TAKE CHUNKS OUT OF THEM, BUT IN A CHOICE BETWEEN SCUFF THE TYRES IN A POT HOLE OR HAVE A HEAD ON CRASH, I’D RATHER SCUFF THE TYRES!!!!!!

4) On the subject of pot holes and referring to point 2, cyclists swerve to avoid pot holes. If they hit a pot hole, they could completely bail and end up dead. So, refer to point 2 and DON’T OVERTAKE THE CYCLIST UNLESS YOU KNOW FOR FUCKING CERTAIN THAT THERE IS ENOUGH SPACE TO CLEAR THEM - HOW BRAIN DEAD DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO PASS A CYCLIST WHEN THERE’S NO SPACE TO DO SO?

5) There is a stick to the side of your steering wheel. It’s called an indicator. This is an amazing invention that lets other people know your thoughts. Thinking of turning? THEN USE THE FUCKING INDICATOR, DON’T JUST SWERVE ACROSS THE CARRIAGEWAY WITHOUT WARNING - YES, MY BRAKES WORK, BUT THAT DOENS’T MEAN I WANT TO FUCKING TEST THEM ONCE EVERY HALF MILE!!!!!

6) If you are driving a tiny little shitty hatchback and you can’t stay on your side of the road on a bend, then you’re going too fast so slow the fuck down. You aren’t Colin McRae, or Mikka Hakkinen, you’re a moron. SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!!!!!! DOING 60 ON COUNTRY ROADS IN A FUCKING CORSA IS A RETARDED THING TO DO ANYWAY, BUT IF YOU’RE SINGING ALONG TO SOOME STUPID TUNE AND NOT PAYING ATTENTION, YOU WILL CRASH!!! DON’T MAKE OTHER PEOPLE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN LIFE, YOU DERELICT!!!

7) Fog lights. The clue is in the fucking name!!!! They aren’t drizzle lights, or rain lights, or wind lights, they are FOG LIGHTS!!!! THEY ARE BRIGHT, NOT DIPPED, AND THEY BLIND EVERY OTHER DRIVER WHO GOES PAST. TURN THEM OFF UNLESS IT IS FOGGY YOU INCONSIDERATE WANKERS!!!!

8) If you are living in the UK, and passed your driving test here, you have NO FUCKING EXCUSE for not driving properly. The UK driving test is one of the most comprehensive in Europe (probably with the exception of the Scandinavian countries), so how people end up doing the moronic things I’ve seen today I will never understand. Just don’t drive like a tosser, it’s really fucking easy!!!!!

Right, now that’s done, time for lunch and to see if I can get over the fear of today’s 20 mile hell journey!

Comments
  • 3
    Doing 60 on any road in Corsa is not a smart thing to do! 😁
  • 4
    @peacWhis I've driven a few Corsa's, and I just can't understand why so many people like them.

    They're not particularly comfortable, the steering is far too light and really vague, the suspension is wallowy and the gearboxes are notch and feel flimsy.

    Combine that with the plasticy interior and it just doesn't feel like a solid car at all.

    I had one as a rental for a few days while mine was being repaired. It was a new 1.2 auto, which almost got me killed.

    Pulling away from a slip road uphill, it couldn't decide what gear to be in. Flat to the floor, it just kept revving up and down, then eventually picked a gear and shot out in front of the truck that was a long way off when I put the power on but was right next to me when it decided what gear to be in.

    It scarred the living shit out of me!
  • 0
    @oudalally I never tried automatic but I drove Corsa B in driving school, Corsa C 1.2 as first car and Corsa D as a rental last year. Nothing changed in terms of quality... But Corsa C manual was a nice little city car. 😄
  • 1
    @peacWhis I can see them working as a city car pretty well, but they're just a horrible driving position.

    The clutch is miles further back than the rest of the pedals!

    My first car was a Suzuki Ignis. Not comfortable, not smooth to drive, very twitchy with a dreadful gearbox but it went like a rocket!

    I feared for my life every time I drove it, but it was pretty.... fun isn't the word..... terrifying really.
  • 0
    @oudalally That actually sounds like fun when you are a young man! Later comes wife, children, big familiy dog... And with them big sedan, SUV or wagon so you could fit all the stuff. That's why I decided to get small two seater (new MX-5 looks nice) before that. I hope in next two or three years.
  • 1
    @peacWhis Yeah, this is the problem I have at the moment.

    3 door civic with 2 small kids. It's been a bit of a cash sink since I got it.

    In the first year, it had a total gearbox rebuild, new clutch, new top mounts, cam belt, valve clearances corrected, brake discs and pads, new steering column and new tyres.

    For a 2005 car with 46k on it when I got it, it's needed a hell of a lot done, and now I've got no real choice but to keep it to make up for the cost.

    It's immense fun to drive now tho!

    We're looking at a 5 door focus as a second car later in the year I think.

    Not got to worry about a dog (I'm allergic, so that's my get out clause).
  • 1
    @peacWhis We can get the kids in to the back pretty quickly now, which is going to be easier again when the youngest is in a fixed car seat rather than the smaller rear facing one.

    Still, a 5 door would be useful, although when I was a kid, my dad had a 1989 Supra which both myself and my sister were carried around in the back of.

    I don't remember it very well, but apparently I used to love sitting on his lap and playing with the popup headlights.

    Cars should still have popup lights....
  • 2
    although there are many messages to take home here, the most important for me is that 'tured' will from now on be spelt with that extra 'e'

    not sure if deliberate, but it definitely adds something to a word that i thought only south park could execute that well
  • 1
    @aladdin Hahahah. Nope, I hadn't meant to add the extra 'e'.

    I might keep it there though, I quite like it!
  • 0
    @oudalally That's a lot of problems but I'm glad you sorted them out. I don't know why but I find it pretty hard to put my nephew in fixed seat even though it's a 5 door car. The seat is pretty high up, so I have to slide him in head first and rotate him. Looks pretty funny for the spectators... And about the first car, I still have speedometer and rear curtains of my dad's mb w124. Light gray/blue with 3.2l petrol engine. No pop-up headlights but very nice looking car. It was 1986 production year I think, but the engine broke down in 2000.
  • 0
    @peacWhis Gorgeous cars those! Basically a couch on wheels!
  • 0
    Guess you will hate me then.
    Hitting 120 on roads with 30km/h limitation signs. :P
  • 2
    @-ANGRY-CLIENT- I don't hate you as I don't know you, but that's a fucking irresponsible and stupid thing to do!

    It's not like I'm after people driving slowly - the roads round us are all 60mph limit, and I tend to drive at about 55mph most of the time, but my car isn't a corsa and holds the road incredibly well.

    I don't have the balls to push it to its limit of grip.

    But even for a really good driver, 120kph in a 30kph zone is irresponsible and dangerous. In many cases, the limit is there for a reason.

    30kph is just under 19mph. We have 20mph limits in place in the UK near schools and in residential areas, and for good reason.

    I've had so many drunks/kids/dogs/morons walk out in front of me without looking and I've managed to stop in time when I've been doing 30. Anything more and I'd have likely hit them.
  • 0
    @oudalally IK it is stupid. But I love the adrenalin boost :)
  • 1
    @-ANGRY-CLIENT- What do you drive?

    I do get the adrenalin boost - I live in the middle of nowhere so we have country lanes near us.

    It's all single carriageway, very winding roads and they're amazing to thrash around, but if you're doing 60mph (about 96kph) on them you're on the speed limit.

    If you take a lot of the corners at that speed, you will go through a hedge and down a sheer drop!

    Trucks have to be in the middle of the road on them - there's no other way to get roads the bends, and they can't pull up in time.

    I've had to ditch into hedges before to avoid them.

    You sometimes get tractors with massive baling forks on the front in the middle of the road when you come round a corner.

    Do 60mph on bends round here and there's a very real chance you will be dead.

    It's a huge adrenalin rush, but in towns where the limit is 30mph, I do not go over it as if I made a habit of it in the past, I'd have deaths on my hands by now.
  • 0
    Aaaand this is why I'm terrified of getting my driver's license. Not because I'm afraid of driving a car, but because I have zero trust in whatever the hell other people are doing on the road. Fuck that noise
  • 0
    In a village near us, there is a care home for elderly and disabled people.

    One day, the security code locks failed, and a load of dementia patients went wandering about in the road - dozens of them, just confused and baffled.

    It took a fair while before they were all found and returned home as you have to be so careful when trying to get them back to somewhere safe not to upset them when they're confused.

    If somebody had come through the village too quick, that would have been devastating.

    @endor If you don't drive round here, you're basically stuck in one place. There's very little near us, which is lovely, but pretty isolating.

    On the most part, it's perfectly safe driving here, but people not indicating or being on the wrong side of the road going way too quick is fucking scary, especially when I've got the kids in the car!
  • 0
    @oudalally oh, I live in a large european city, and the traffic here is absolutely horrible
  • 0
    @endor Large European city, bad traffic. It's not Paris is it?
  • 0
  • 0
    @endor Fair :) Tbh, there are very few cities I'm content to drive in.

    That said, there's not much point driving in most European cities I've been to. It's easier to just take the bus/train/subway.
  • 0
    @oudalally most of the time I drive a BMW 530d gt.
    For short distances, I drive a Citroen C4.
  • 0
    @-ANGRY-CLIENT- Good call on the BMW!

    I'd love to say I agree on the C4, but......

    Lol. In seriousness, the only Citroens I've driven are pretty old ones. The Saxo VTS was interesting, pretty quick but didn't feel very solid.
  • 0
    Good rant! But please tell this to my stupid mate who got an illegal engine swap on a little Clio. I think he's going to die or kill somebody with the way he rags that thing
  • 1
    @SoulSkrix urgh. The chassis on any clio is just not designed to handle a big engine. It’s totally unforgiving. Loads of grip, then it just lets go.
    There’s no point where you can feel it slide, it just leaves the road and the sport with the 2 litre engine torque steers like crazy!!

    Fuck knows what a bigger engine would do to it.

    The Clio with a 1.4 is a perfect city car, anything more is just pointless unless you never want to go round a corner!!!
  • 1
    @SoulSkrix To clarify, I'm basing this on the 2 litre Clio sport that a friend of mine owned which almost killed us on one occasion.

    Driving down a coast road, it felt amazingly sturdy. It handled the corners beautifully, and felt very stable and planted.

    Then, it didn't. It had happily taken some bends at 50mph, no issues, but at 55 on a slightly cambered bend, it just totally let go and flew sideways.

    If there had been anything coming the other way, we'd have been totalled.

    If my mate hadn't managed to flick the back end back in when it touched down, we'd have gone into the wall, and down a 250ft drop into some rocks, then the sea.

    I can't say whether the newer ones are better, but that was a 2005 model and was pretty unforgiving past a certain point.

    It was hellishly fun, but I just don't think the chassis was up to that amount of power.
  • 0
    @oudalally yeah he put a 2 litre engine in his Clio, it was very fun for me to drive but honestly there were a few close calls when he drove it. Eventually after a while he left it at his farm and got a BWM, at least that was designed for a bigger engine.
    The Clio is now a little racecar that he decided to mod the hell out of. I wouldn't personally waste my money that way but whatever floats your boat I guess.

    I'll stick to my old Mazda 3, it runs great and I don't need to worry when I need to floor it.

    Glad you didn't die, jeez, that's pretty intense. I bet time slowed down for your friend for just a moment
  • 1
    @SoulSkrix Yeah, it was an interesting moment. To say I was clenched would be an understatement....

    I'm guessing the newer Clios are a bit better, but I'd rather stick with my Civic.

    It's been a cash sink, but it's pretty stable and fun to drive, and doesn't feel like it's going to smash me into a wall every 5 seconds :)
  • 0
    @oudalally I haven't been in a modern Clio but the reviews would say they do well.

    Haha, I had considered a civic before the Mazda :')

    Very fun to drive indeedo! I want to upgrade to something more fun when I get a chance
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