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Life is weird to me. Being a dad is weird.

Being a dad can be a very self less thing.

I mean, it's not entirely a self less thing to have kids. We pass our dna to children, which is kind of like trying to not die.

But the process of being a dad is selfless. When I deal with my kids' tantrums I'm not like "ah yes, scream my offspring, scream all you want".

No.

I just google caskets and think to myself "wow they look comfy as fuck".

So in that sense, being a dad is very selfless.

But becoming a dad wasn't selfless at all.

We weren't trying to "parent" when it happened.

We were more saying each other shit like "cum in my fucking pussy" and "do you want this cum you fucking whore?". You know just standard crazy talk we both enjoy.

But then it's like, you're instantly not that person anymore.

Everything around it is weird

The biology is weird, human bodies are like "oh you like to fuck don't you? you enjoy it huh? awesome, here's a baby, now get stuck on a stable job you hate and sex is going be less and as not as good from now on (which is statistically likely)"
also
"you know that self indulgent act you were doing because you were thinking of nothing than yourself?
ok because you did that now your life going to be so not about you"

gee, thanks bialagy!

And the the cultural reaction is also weird.

Sex is still generally kind of taboo. And for parents, double the taboo.

"oh, you had a kid? cool, now just fuck that other SINGLE person until you die".

which I accept as a concept because I don't want my kids to have problems.

But then someone fucks outside of marriage and people get the high horse like
"how could you not fuck just one person until you were dead in your single life you get to live"

another weird cultural thing is the assumption that conception is an immaculate planned thing.

it's not. people fuck. some in dirtier ways. And some conceive in said ways. and some other people need to chill tfu and come to terms with that.

I explained this idea in the past to others and some were like "well, you made love right?"

And I get very triggered by that stupid phrase because it's true in some way but in a different way...

Proper sex is NOT a thing you do out of love.
There is an urge to have sex, if there is no urge, no feeling of having sex from any of both parties, then it's not proper sex.

There can be affectionate sex. But there can also be rough sex.

In any way, you can share it with someone you love, and it's cool and good for the relationship in whatever form.

But saying making love is like loving is like saying there's no love in not-as-affectionate rough sex.

When I hear someone make a connection between sex being making love, and having kids being a "loveful" thing, I wish I were dead.

Comments
  • 5
    you made me laugh so hard!
    it does ring close to home .. esp. the becoming dad part
  • 3
    in my case we kinda planned it, but it doesn’t change the fact nothing prepares you to what really comes.

    not to going from full rabbit fucking mode to old people fucking mode in a pee-test time

    nor to going from enjoying life to having no time to even sleep, and everything revolving around the pink minime .. your existence fading out completely
  • 2
    Try being the dad if a heroine addict. 😞 and beating yourself up, thinking, what did I do wrong?
  • 1
    @iAmNaN ouch man, sorry to hear that...
  • 2
    @oreru that's the dad life, agree
  • 2
    I've been pondering for many years if I want kids. I'm kinda on the "no" side. Friends, coworkers, family all claim it's worth it, but... there's this nagging suspicion that they're wrong.
    Your rant brought me further to the "no" side tbh.
  • 1
    @VaderNT it is worth it, even with the risks that accompany it.
  • 1
    @VaderNT same it's leading me to the no side as well... frankly I'm spooked after reading OP's rant
  • 1
    Quite a read, eh. *sips tea*

    (That was a good one in the morning, thanks Jay-Jay)
  • 3
    @VaderNT @mochiknees I'm not going to tell you if it's either good or bad, worth it or not.

    I will say though that this is a rant, and in such thing I will highlight the worst parts.

    These worst parts, though, are a lot of parts, at least for a parent of 2 toddlers like me, which they say get a lot easier when they grow up.

    To put in perspective I have 2 toddlers, 1 almost four, another pre 1.

    I would say it's definitely a thing where you forget abour yourself and that there's gonna be a lot of frustration, loss of energy, sleep, sex, time for own projects, money, hell, there can be depression. It's basically painful.

    So I guess to enter parenthood it helps to get into this mindset, like you're some tibetan monk about to start a spiritual journey of self negation.

    From this hard process people come out differently, more confident, more patient.
    It can also cause depression though...
  • 2
    Since this process is so demanding, a lot people nowadays decide to have them once their life is stablished, they have decent careers (and money), they have explored life, and they feel having kids is the missing piece.

    I didn't quite do that and had my first at 24 (because I kinda wanted that package)

    One thing that helped me (and I guess most other parents too) is the fact that I love these fucking things to death.
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