19
xzvf
13d

Dear $schoolPrinter,

FUCK YOU! Seriously WHY THE FUCK CAN'T YOU JUST PRINT A FUCKING PDF. HOW HARD CAN IT BE!?

I mean, to be fair you ONLY cost >300€.

So you, don't support any pdf version above 1.5? Fair enough, 1.6 may be a bit new, it being from 200-ANDFUCKING-3! And you are only from 2013, so that's understandble. I totally get how it can take more than a decade to support a format, if you are made by the world's largest printer manufacturer.
But that does mean that you have compatibility with lower versions, right?
So you support 1.5, but you don't support 1.4 and you support 1.3 and 1.2 but not 1.1. What is the logic behind that!?
Oh and in what version do you scan? 1.6.
So you can't print out the document you yourself scanned? How absolutely logical and sensible.

Also, you like to jam frequently with perfectly good paper, why?

I just have 2 more questions:

First, when I print multiple copies of the same document, why do you reread the document from the USB for every copy?
Second, why do you have to be restarted after every couple printouts? Do you just like to freeze?

AND TO YOU HP!? HOW ARE YOU TOO INCOMPETENT TO MAKE A DESCENT PRINTER FOR ONCE!? YOU ARE ONE OF THE WORLD'S LARGEST PRINTER MANUFACTURERS, WHY CAN'T THAT SHIT JUST WORK?

SERIOUSLY THE DOT-MATRIX PRINTER FROM 1982 THAT I REPAIRED IS MORE RELIABLE THEN YOUR CRAP.

DIE IN HELL YOU UTTERLY INCOMPETENT BASTARDS IN HP'S PRINTER DIVISION, MAY YOU BE FORCED TO USE YOUR CRAPPY PRINTERS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN HELL, WHILE BEING PENETRATED BY SATAN WITH A 1m CACTUS!

Sincerely,
xzvf

For those of you who also have pdf version issues, this is a command to convert between them:
gs -sDEVICE=pdfwrite -dCompatibilityLevel=$PDFVERSION -dPDFSETTINGS=/screen -dNOPAUSE -dQUIET -dBATCH -sOutputFile=$OUTPUTFILE $INPUTFILE

On a completely unrelated note:
Does anyone know of a good (preferably laser) printer that just works and has linux drivers?

Comments
  • 5
    Are those printers listening to this rant?
  • 2
    I have a Brother color all-in-one laser printer. The thing is fantastic. Got tired of inkjet cartridges having short lifespans and having to replace them every other month. The toner cartridges cost about the same but have ten times the life, if not more.
  • 3
    @asgs Just print the rant, so they can see it.
  • 1
    Which printer is it?
  • 1
    @Codex404 Some HP consumer laser printer+scanner thing. I'm not sure which model though, and I can't check at the moment, as I'm not at school atm.
  • 1
    So does it cost more than 300?
  • 2
    ET-4750. I don't know about linux drivers, but under osx/microshaft winshit it works really well unlike any other printer ive ever used. Also you get to print a metric fuckton for cheap. Cheaper per page than most laser, kinda fast and if you run it in nice mode the printing quality is pure porn.
  • 4
    @asgs so racist, I identify as printer and of course I read rants
  • 1
    In my experience, printers and other electro-mechanical office-dinosaur-monsters are just being invented to torment the user.
    Ever had a toner cassette explode in your face when pulling it out? No!? Thats some real nasty stuff you will find everywhere, even weeks later!

    All digital all the way! No more desecrating tree carcasses anymore!
  • 2
    @chromdioxyde And then you are in Germany, where the internet is Neuland, everything has to be done on paper and digital signatures are not accepted.

    Also, did Simon Travaglia (Bofh) desinged printers?
  • 1
    @xzvf yeah, you are right about the "Neuland" thing, but it is slowly getting better.
    Even if the BOFH didn't invent printers, he surely used them to torture his victims, afair :D
  • 0
    @kleopi which bathroom do you use?
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