This post is too long and I just want to vent. Feel free to ignore it.

My brother failed his probationary period in Unilever and somehow it made my day. To give you an overview on why this is so amusing, this is the last toxic family member I cut off and the most recently severed one.

I thought he was the last remaining family I had and confided to him when I was desperately and hopelessly buried in depression. I was unemployed for several months and I lived alone. He did not lend me a single penny during this time and instead preached about positivity and insinuated he must have the "Spongebob" genes because he's always happy. He has his way with being passive aggressive and making people feel like shit and inferior to him.

Let me tell you, this little shit has always been the "superior" one. He disregarded everyone else's struggles followed with a reference to himself as "not being like that" because he has a good mindset or some shit he posts on social media that his uneducated employees eat up and praise him for.

Prior to my unemployment, some of you know how much of a ball of rage I was every day in my previous company. I was downright miserable and looking for escape. He knows this and had the audacity to pressure me into taking a company loan (which meant I'd stay miserable there for years longer) to pay off "our" debts which I wasn't a part of in the beginning. He said he couldn't get a bank loan because he's blacklisted for not paying off his credit card balance.

The debt he refers to as "ours" is a different one, it's part of my mother's million worth of debt that is still a puzzle where she spent it. They were all so confident about taking on more debt as soon as I graduated and got my first job in a big company thinking that since I'm single and always worked in mutinational companies, I would work myself to death and take responsibility for all of their shit.

Anyway, my entire family never helped me when I was in trouble but always relied on me for everything. I cut them off and started living on my own. I send a fixed amount of allowance every month just to shut them up and just blocked them everywhere else. I'm just keeping them calm right now but as soon as I move to a different country, bye bye to me and any of my money.

My family, especially this brother, always made my problems look small. They always say I'm stressed and angry because I have an attitude problem. That my job is great and I should feel proud working for these great companies without regard of how stressful it really is.

My brother worked in smaller local companies and would often lecture me about how I can't handle stress but he does and all his employees love him and such. When he finally got a taste of working for a bigger company like Unilever and said "They pay good but they really have you work for it", I thought "Let's see how competent you are and how you handle the stress."

A few months later, he messaged me saying he failed the probationary period. Thank god, I asked them to move their shit out of my condo a few weeks earlier because they'd be squatting there again out of convenience. They have their own house in the province but use mine in the city as if it's their own. I took away their access cards a few weeks ago and lied that I'm moving to a different city for work.

To be fucking honest, I can just walk away right now and stop sending allowance if it wasn't for my father who treated me very well before he turned into an alcoholic. These people are just taking and taking. They never valued me or helped me when I was in trouble, I was always alone and had to deal with things myself ever since I was a bullied kid. There is no way I would lose if I choose that path because I learned to thrive alone.

When he made my depression seem so small and even laughed about it, that was the last straw. I'd rather go on living without a family than acknowledge that I'm related to these people. I really thought a lot about how he would handle it if he got depressed. Would he feel like absolute shit when karma slaps him in the face?

I sure hope he survives it, he has three children from two different women after all. And damn, someone has to pay all those debts. Look at that superior creature and how he's suddenly at my mercy.

As soon as I move to a different country, I am completely out of this. Why? It's easy to bump into people you know here and the last thing I need is more drama and harassment so I'm bribing for their silence.

  • 3
    just a simple question.

    if you father always treated you well and now needs help (alcoholic), did you try help him out of it?
  • 3
    @rendezvous Yes, we took him to the doctor several times but he kept drinking anyway. I pay for his medical bills and also send allowance for food, etc.
  • 3
    @rutee07 damn that sucks
  • 4
    @rendezvous He also threw a glass at me and kicked me out of the house so "treated me well" might just be a case of nostalgia of when he wasn't an alcoholic who disrupts the peace in the house by breaking random shit and attacking my brothers. Lol. 😄
  • 2
    @rutee07 family is hard.

    i can confirm moving to another country is really effective in cutting the family :)
  • 5
    @rutee07 that's some nasty shit. my advice - based on own experience - make a clean cut. sort your own emotions out - if you think you have them sorted, better wait and think twice.

    After time has passed - decide if you want to give a 2nd chance or say fuck it.

    It might end well, it might end bad - but in the end, it's not your fault. Neither your responsibility.

    And don't give a fuck about people telling you otherwise...
  • 2
    @rendezvous Thanks. I'm thinking somewhere like New Zealand or Bali.
  • 4
    @IntrusionCM Thanks. That is what I'm gonna do. I remember my brother asking me when I plan to come back to visit my family. I said "never". I am really terrified of my parents. My brother laughed about it and often joked/threatened to bring them to my condo. I told him that I really get nightmares about my parents being there and it disrupts my peace of mind.

    This really took a toll on my mental health so I kicked him out as well. Thank you for the support. I find that many people question me because they think I'm "abandoning" my family.
  • 1
    @rutee07 don’t be too hard on people, they just don’t have all the facts so ask questions to understand :)

    I never had big problems with my family except lack of attention (divorced parents), and somehow i’m giving them back the medicine (being so far away we can’t meet) .. now older i can understand what i did, and kind of regret it a little tbh, but in your case it could be a welcomed salvation.

    New Zealand is really nice if you like peace, but a friend of mine told me it can get boring 🤓
  • 5
    @rutee07 it became dead simple to me, after some time.

    Abandoning means that you give up something precious - but relationships like the one you describe ain't precious.

    Quite the oppsite - you cannot fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed, and sacrificing yourself won't fix it, too.

    So - do the logic thing, tactical retreat and self reflect.

    Especially with drug addicts, co dependence can destroy yourself permanently.
  • 2
    @rendezvous I'm not, they are hard on me. People who knew the whole story ask me how I got this much patience. My family was downright abusive.
  • 1
    @IntrusionCM The drug addict thing hit me hard. I noticed that I started attracting the same abusive and narcissistic types of people. I've been trying hard to make some changes with myself ever since.
  • 1
    @rendezvous Btw, where did you move? Is it nice there?
  • 1
    @rendezvous I mean I know you're in Japan. I remember you posting something about France. Is that where you were from and then you moved to Japan?
  • 1
    @rutee07 yes, from France to Japan. it’s kinda nice but i do miss France, i might go back when i’m old and rich (so probably never 😂)
  • 1
    @rutee07 stay away from narcissist & abusive, nothing to be gained here.
    you really have a strong will to self reflect and make change accordingly, kudos !!
  • 1
    @rendezvous Oh, interesting. I always wanted to visit Japan when I was a kid though it changed when I got older. Anyway, thanks for the input! 💋
  • 1
    @rutee07 the culture/language is really different and it need at least few years of hard work to get comfortable here.

    the pay isn’t really good compared to the US or other progressive asian country.

    living here is quite good, really safe, maybe too much to start getting boring 😇
  • 2
    Holy cow! I really hope you'll be able to move to a different country very soon so you can break away from them and breathe some fresh air!
    Bali is wonderful, even though I've just seen it while on holiday so I don't really know what living there is really like, but it is a marvellous place indeed.
  • 0
  • 1
    @rutee07 I get you having nightmares about your parents. Happens with me too. Every time I have a stressful time in my life I get them. Usually about being trapped in their house.
    It is really shitty of your brother to dismiss your feelings.
    Its best to cut them off.
  • 1
    changing country, job, environment, is a way of looking at yourself in a different way. Sometimes is all you need. Go for it if you feel like it!
  • 0
    @jthm Yes, funny how the normal nightmares like monsters, ghosts, and murder don't scare me but a simple dream about them being in my place or me in theirs just leave me shaking. Thanks for the support.
  • 1
    @deviloper A clean slate. Thank you for the encouragement.
  • 1
    @rutee07 the old debate: refactor vs. rewrite from scratch. Both have pros and cons. The original writer is the one who knows better.
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