I have to get this off my chest, because I don't know what else to do yet.

I became an engineer because I wanted to give people more freedom, namely by giving them control over their jobs and lives. This is why it breaks my heart to think I might no longer be fit for a traditional career in software.

I have been doing well financially, but I am emotionally spent from several burnouts. My resume shows that I stopped staying at jobs for more than a year, and I feel that's going to catch up with me soon.

So, I can't say that I'm not at fault here. I believe I am partially responsible for the circumstances I tolerate, even if I did not directly cause them.

I'm... just tired.

- Tired of doing more than my job and not being at the title that describes what I am currently doing.
- Tired of my physical health degrading from sedentary work.
- Tired of my mental health degrading from office politics.
- Tired of reactionary, nonsensical management decrees like "No comments in code because your code should be self-documenting"
- Tired of a huge workload on my plate because my teammates won't volunteer to help.
- Tired of people playing ping-pong in the office at 2pm.
- Tired of boards of directors who put their profit over good contributions to society.
- Tired of people not showing up for work at all.
- Tired of chasing people down because no one understands actual requirements, let alone who stakeholders are.
- Tired of sending something to production on 2+ month long release cycles where everything breaks at the end.
- Tired of being told to support tons of devices and every browser back to some version of IE without being issued the hardware, and without being given enough QA bandwidth.
- Tired of interviewing candidates who can't code only to see them get hired anyway because a coding bootcamp trained them to write apps fast.
- Tired of crunch times where people work nights and weekends to deal with the consequences of bad decisions but not refactor the code to prevent the next fire.
- Tired of masturbatory all-hands meetings where C-levels act like they care about you while taking all the credit and asset growth you earned for them.
- Tired of the same "Welcome to <CURRENT_EMPLOYER>!" joke that some dipshit answers when asked about a strange implementation.
- Tired of watching security vulns get released as "calculated risks", despite my protests.
- Tired of being told to learn new frameworks or libraries because they are popular enough to affect recruiting, not because they actually aid your education.
- Tired of having no time for my family, friends, or even the people I'm apparently helping in my job!
- Tired of promises that everything will get better.

I've decided to take a last stand and try to work for myself. I'm scared, because I don't know what I am going to make that people would want. Despite being in software for 13 years, I don't know what I am doing because companies offer so much infrastructure to isolate away marketing and sales concerns.

But I think my incompetence in marketing/sales is probably why I should go for it. I don't care if I never become rich or famous with a startup. I will fuck up, but it's good because then things will be my fault. If it's my fault, I can change it.

I don't know if blazing my own trail is the only way to feel alive again, but I know that I can't keep expecting my employer to give me a sense of purpose.

  • 0
    This says it all: I'm just tired.
  • 0
    Get some marketing and sales guy and you will be fine with anything. Making custom solutions would probably workout best, but your clients will give you shit. You might get tired from them, too. Just keep it up and make sure that the sales guy knows your boss.
  • 2
    I hope one day I'll get to that point of contributing more to society than to profit, possibly with the back backed up by an enterprise app that I'm working on.

    I'm curious, what kind of software you think will help the society the most in this spacetime?
    My personal take would be about home mini server with an ecosystem of web apps/services owned(from the POV of data, and software if open source) and run by the people, the opposite trend of nowadays.
  • 0
    Hey I'm not entirely in your situation but I do feel your pain. I really think you should take that chance. 👊
  • 1
    @h4xx3r I was thinking along the same lines. The UX problem in there is massive but worth solving.
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