98
Jowsey
308d

Tl;Dr: People who make coffee their entire personality and people who do those shitty "if tired == true: drinkCoffee" type posts really annoy me.

Can I just say how much I fucking hate "rants" like these in my fucking feed?
No hard feelings to the poster, I'm sure you're a lovely person, and this rant is directed towards so many more people on this platform and not just you but oh my fucking god people who say this type of shit make me so fucking bored.

Like, yes, you want to drink coffee, that is a completely normal and basic thing for people who need energy. Drink some fucking coffee and be done with it then, instead of ranting about it on your shitty ass online profile where literally everybody-fucking-else is in the exact same boat as you.

You're not special, you're not interesting because you want to drink coffee, you are literally consuming liquid, that is quite possibly the most primitive and basic thing you can do, why the fuck should I care about your shitty ass caffeine addiction, as if it somehow represents your entire fucking personality?

It's almost like you people think drinking coffee is a fucking developer-only thing now, like no, people actually just drink coffee normally, yet still all I fucking see is "haha look guys I'm a coder I drink coffee aren't I just so original", it's like a fucking coffee cult.

I don't need to hear about your fucking caffeine addiction, I could bet the majority of people on this platform are the same way. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing wrong with coffee or even a caffeine addiction but people who feel like it somehow fucking defines them are so fucking annoying it is unbelievable.

It's almost like a circlejerk of coffee-drinkers at this point, like "haha guys we all drink coffee because we're TIRED haha it's FUNNY guys PLEASE LAUGH".

And that brings me onto another thing, although it's somewhat more justified considering the theme of the platform. This entire place feels like a fucking circlejerk of programming.
Don't get me wrong, I'm no elitist, I'm quite possibly the least skilled person on this site, honestly, but the amount of people who make those shitty-ass "if tired == true: drinkCoffee" type posts confuse me so much. You throw together some broken Python code in like 7.2s referencing how you need sleep or you code all night or some shit and people eat that shit up like it's their fucking religion, like what the fuck?

It's somewhat more excusable since the site itself is based around developers but jesus christ it annoys me for this exact reason, like yes, you can "code". Most of us can. It's why we're here, for fuck sake.

Sorry for such a long rant, if you've gotten this far, I want to say both Thank You and Sorry.

Comments
  • 43
    after reading this post i think i'm gonna need a coffee
  • 19
  • 3
    I'm more of a mate tea guy (guess which one :). But a good coffee with colleagues is nice too. #betterThanCoffeinWink
  • 9
    @coffeeholic I went to brew another cup after reading it.

    In all seriousness, although I don't think I've ever ranted about coffee before (I might have, but I don't remember), I understand why people do it. I am certainly addicted to coffee, and if I don't have my morning cup, I become irritable and less likely to think things through. So posting a low-effort rant about coffee, and regretting it later, is absolutely within the realm of possibility.

    That said, there are plenty of other low-effort rant topics around that annoy me more than the coffee thing. Jokes and puns usually. Some of them are SO bad, and often miscategorized so I can't even hide them.
  • 3
  • 4
    I'm totally starving right now. But after this rant I just want coffee
  • 8
    It's the shitty pseudocode that really gets me. Like 'while (programmer) drinkCoffee();'. Magic variable names are not magic - that's not how programming works damn it. And camelCase! So much camelCase!

    Phew. Glad to get that off my chest.
  • 2
    @halfflat fucking THIS, like at least make an effort ffs
  • 2
    @halfflat Ah, magic constant, variable and macro names. Feels like C when you passed your shit to the compiler and the preprocessor inserted that shit from somewhere or the compiler itself did some native shit, because fuck standards.
  • 3
  • 4
    @halfflat yeah. I've seen the really terrible pseudo code thing, and not just for coffee. That definitely bugs me, and I usually assume they're written by people who don't actually know how to code.
  • 3
    @Jowsey Hmmmmm.
    Someone needs a hug, and a long vacation.

    Guess what? that guy is me! 😜
  • 2
    You know why the cheesy coffee and live/laugh/love bs keeps appearing everywhere right? Cause there’s plenty of cheesy people who hit the like button
  • 2
    So BF dumped you for a Starbucks clerk or what? Rant about your life, not ours.

    Also, you're using cheap tricks to feel superior.

    "Interwebs is full X, look how smart I am for pointing obvious crap out"

    You rant about what others people do on a public platform as if it is something personal.

    Just go grab a cup, and laugh with us.
  • 5
    @electrineer *shrugs and silently enjoys her coffee*
  • 5
    Oh my personality definitely involves coffee. I hardly rant/make online jokes about it but its there.

    Then, I do have a quite insanely high caffeine tolerance which can both be useful and annoying!

    Oh and; please just black, fucking strong, coffee. No milk or other bullshit 😊
  • 4
    @linuxxx I have you know that I recently tried a "Christmas spice latte" (Lebkuchen latte in German) and it was somewhere between disappointing and disgusting
  • 1
    @highlight

    if (literallyFuckingEveryoneThatDrinksCaffine = addicted & person = DevrantUser) {
    console.log(gayPost);
    }
  • 1
  • 4
    I hate rants that rant about rants, but I won't rant about this because I'd hate to.
  • 1
    @Carbon-Monoxide so.. your opinion on this is undefined forever?
  • 3
    int toWork = Keep().calm().and().drink().cooffeee();
    return toWork;
  • 11
    Me looking at your post
  • 2
    Btw did you make sure to chose offensive/spam when you downvoted the rant? Otherwise it doesn't count as a downvote.
  • 6
    @electrineer I don't go that far.
    It'd be worse than the person literally hate ranting about other rants :s

    Sure I could downvote it, however I try to think about it as a possible reaction to something bad that happened.
    You know humans can sometimes react to out of scope things, so why make it worse?
    Maybe something bad, coffee related happened so that's the result.
  • 1
    @Cup0coffee I was talking about the screenshot in the op
  • 6
    @electrineer sorry for the misunderstanding!
    I thought you meant everyone in general since you've not mentioned anyone else out referenced the screenshot.
  • 1
    @Cup0coffee comments with no mentions tend to be comments on the rant. Maybe I could have been more clear on what I meant by "the rant".
  • 6
    @electrineer true, although I misunderstood, and yet my comment wouldn't change in form of sense!
    Downvoting someone seems a bit too much, since we all want to be relatable and get upvotes :)
    Except the post would be actually offensive.
  • 4
    What really grinds my gears are cheesy attempts to convey a semi-complex meaning through hilariously bad pseudo code.

    My faculty used to do this to be "cool and hip". Like Coffee-Jokes or event announcements and stuff written in code that would 100% throw some compiler errors.

    I just politely removed those posters whenever I saw them.

    After getting called in by the dean, I had to explain myself. Well, I did. As to why bad pseudo code and CS don't mix well together.

    Long story short: I don't see any pseudo code anymore. For some reason it took all the fun out for those responsible for the posters.
  • 1
    Quality rant
  • 3
    Let's replace coffee with cookies. COOOKIIIEEEZZZZZ
  • 1
    @Emphiliis hell yeah I can get behind that
  • 1
    @Emphiliis Cookie Monster better start coding
  • 1
    I hate coffee and this rant is about coffee so boooooo
  • 3
    I NEED TEA!
    I NEED TEA!
    I NEED TEA!
  • 3
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  • 1
    Can you blacklist tags on DevRant? If not then seems like a good feature request.
  • 0
    Why haven't I seen this rant like 2 weeks earlier? Anyway, good job
  • 0
    Here I am with my devRant name reading that 😥 (Just joking, I haven't drunk Coffee for two years now, but name stays the same)
  • 0
  • 0
    @electrineer no, I had to stop drinking coffee for my own health being
  • 1
    @coffeeholic drinking coffee while I read this post... and I still need more.
  • 0
  • 1
    I would prefer to change coffee for snaps...
  • 2
    *naps!!
  • 2
    That would be like pot heads writing

    "if sad == true {smokeWeed()}"

    or construction workers heading to a site

    "if location == 'home' && time == '5:00:00' {headToWork()}"

    It's masturbation with words.
  • 2
    @Wisecrack your analogies are "finding out that you're unwantedly pregnant as a male" in words
  • 2
    @electrineer

    Thanks. I try!

    I would take maximum advantage of my condition and make as many people as uncomfortable as possible for as long as possible.

    Such is the power of pregnancy!
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