The Interview (Part 2)

I feel like I can make 13 episodes of this shit. I reviewed another resume that has more than ten pages and contains very little useful information. What kind of pain, internal hemorrhage, brain damage, and trauma does one have to endure before he decides:

"I'm gonna make my resume thicker than old school Song Hits magazine. That would be really cool. That would get me hired."

Jesus Christ, I summon you again. I told you dying for these little fucks isn't worth it but nooooo, no one ever listens to me. iM gUnNa DiE aNyWaY, nAiL mE oVa ThErE. Now look at this shit, one "block" per page.

1. Each block contains the position, company, and responsibilities except each block is repeated over and over again for each "project".

2. Each project has no specific name, just numbers but Project 1, 2, 3, and so on just isn't enough so he used roman numerals instead. Roman fucking numerals. I thought that was the name of the project until I scrolled through the different companies he's been in and that format persists starting from Project I to Project XII.

3. Each responsibility starts in a new line, some are not capitalized so you don't even know if it's the continuation of the previous sentence or what except sometimes, there is no previous sentence.

4. The blocks aren't even arranged properly. He has experiences from 2019, 2018, **2015**, and then 2018 again, 2017, 2016, and so on. I know this because I tried to give the guy a chance. Maybe he's one of those good developers who are just absolutely terrible with these things so I tried to "extract" the gist of the resume.

5. The gist is "nothing to see here". He just did all of this to look like he has plenty of experience and the recruiter must have thought "Wow, I bet this guy would pass." He had five years of experience but all I got aside from the giant headers are "joined the project blah blah", "used <something so basic, it's not worth mentioning> to maintain blah blah", and something in the tune of "changed the scrollbar to blah blah".

Ass Licker - Project VII
Honduras Bitches Inc.
Joined the brothel.
maintained my twerky bitchy assfuck
Used Fontawesome and jQuery shit ass mothafucka some dumb shit here, I don't give a shite anymore, I'm dead inside.

I.. I just.. Why? I don't know anyone who have this kind of resume and yet here I am reviewing this kind of shit from the type of people I didn't know existed. Why do we have to take something so simple and turn it into something that is so difficult to understand or even look at?

  • 1
    @PublicByte Yes, I'm afraid the code would look a lot like the resume.
  • 1
    why would somebody waste so much time observing all these things? I wonder why didn't you just discard after reading a couple of blunders
  • 1
    @rehman Because I was tasked to "review" them?
  • 4
    Five years of experience and five companies? Or he listed each year accomplishments?

    I would instantly disregard that resume if five years = five companies

    Switching every year is either:

    1. He screwed up a lot and kept on getting fired

    2. He is not worth investing in because he is not a building block (or whatever you call it) you can't trust he'd be there around for long and therefore no time wasting just put someone willing to stay for some time at least, and not go through recruitment process again soon
  • 2
    @gitpush Four companies. :/

    I actually thought there were more companies because of the "blocks" per project format. I want to just reject them right away but I have to give justifications whenever I reject an applicant and our project needs more developers (but not desperate enough to hire just anyone).

    This guy didn't show up in the interview so that's a relief..
  • 2
    @rutee07 I feel sorry for people like him, the need to constantly show people "Look I'm a pro!" ends up screwing up themselves ....

    That guy already lost five years of his life for nothing ...
  • 2
    @rutee07 wtf is your HR doing? Why do you have to even have to look at a 10 page resume?
    over 2 pages is auto reject. Shows No ability to get things done correctly.
  • 2
    @magicMirror Posting shit on LinkedIn. They only check for the candidate's tech stack but the developers have to conduct the technical interview.
  • 1
    @rutee07 So HR saw it, and sent it to you? DaFUQ?

    Define sone KPI's and explain that dev time $$$ >>>> HR time $$$. that why they have a job! to filter this shit!

    Bonus for hires, demerits for bad CVs. Only way to get HR to do thier jobs.
  • 0
    @magicMirror My cock is so hard and veiny from wanting to show my devil horns so bad but I just started here two months ago. I'll just be a devil on the shoulder of another higher-up colleague who interviews as well and slip in some, "So.. what do you think about the long resumes?"
  • 2
    @magicMirror Because HR then will screw up again, this time filtering good candidates away so that the company magically doesn't find devs and starts tooting the "dev shortage" horn.
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