13
rutee07
10d

I hate how almost every person I like doesn't live where I live and as soon as I decided to start traveling to find where I should be and with whom because it's definitely not here, all of this madness happens. It's like all my relationships are doomed from the beginning.

I just know that at some point, they'll choose someone who lives closer to them and more convenient to be with, not an overthinking idiot who lives far away and is now roasting itself. Yeah, yeah, with this attitude, nothing will work for sure but I'm exhausted. Being alone is comfortable, a relief even. It's knowing someone and then not being with them anymore that brings loneliness so getting close to somebody, from my perspective, looks a lot like masochism. It's so much easier to just pump and dump random people but even that becomes pointless.

Whatever. At least I have video games, programming, and other interests. Happy, sad, or enraged, they are the only consistent parts of my life and I'm thankful for that.

Comments
  • 1
    you know what else is consistent rutee?

    death.

    closeness provides the relief from boredom and the inevitable heartache that it invites too, without which we would only be *half alive*.

    the great gift of life is its pains and temporaryness, withoutwhich we cannot be sure we lived, and loved at all.

    u can rest easy at least knowing that good news or bad news, at leaat tomorrow there *will* be news, until that day there is no more tomorrows.

    one thing is sure: no matter how you try to seize the spinning wheel, or arrest the forward motion of time, it will come, change will come, and with it, griefs and losses.

    but those pains and losses *which are as REAL and certain as the sunrise* also mean that one day you will find satisfaction and contentment in your life between now and the end of all things, perhaps only once more but more likely many times. and that too is as certain as loss and the sunrise.

    This too shall pass.
  • 2
    You made meh think of my friendships... Well, it seems like I never really had deep connection with anybody except myself and family. Dunno, I feel uneasy while bringing that up, but at the same time right half of brain says: "You are failure as a friend to them, if you didn't commit much into that friendship".
    However then, why I must feel dreadful if it goes both ways! 🤔🤔 Why location affects our connections so much? That is what always remains unanswered for me.
  • 0
    However far apart you grow from people, however long it's been, treat them as if you've always been good friends.

    You never know if the next time you meet will be the last.

    I do this. I have friends I haven't seen or talked to in years.

    If I see them tomorrow, I'll be just as ready to jump into a firefight for them as when I last some them years prior.

    This is what old people do too. They might see each other maybe once a year, or even every other year.

    No matter. It's like they saw each other yesterday.

    Maturity in the friendship department doesn't come from being constantly available, it's recognizing a friendship doesn't end just because of time and distance. The bonds we make aren't unmade, nor fade, except for those who believe they do.
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