25
rutee07
47d

People who meet me in person seem to think I have my shit together because I managed to get out of poverty and build a decent life for myself but in reality, I am stuck in my severe incompetence.

I've been carrying around the "software engineer" title for more than half a decade, became a "senior" eventually, a title that I doubt I even deserve. I feel dumb most of the time. I spent more than half of my time in the field working in support. If I would disregard the years I spent working with IBM solutions (since most of the time, you don't build shit from scratch there), I would say I only officially started working as a "from scratch developer" last February 2019.

February 2019 - Python / AI
August 2020 - Go / Web Development

If you look at that, I probably have less experience than some junior developers. I have no specialty and have too many interests in and out of the field. I have no focus. Every time someone gives me a shit ton of review points during code reviews, I feel like this isn't the right field for me but I snap out of it anyway and think it would improve my skills as a developer.

There are plenty of things I know I should learn but refuse to do so because it makes no sense and for that reason, I know I will be phased out of this field soon. Just want to get that out of my chest because I hate it when people look up to me and see me as some kind of success story. Sure, I had my accomplishments but if you are looking for a role model, you might as well look at someone else.

Comments
  • 3
    Same my dude. I don't see myself becoming a stellar developer, I'm not even that interested in it. To me it's just a job, not my passion. And that's okay. Or so I tell myself, and hope I won't be replaced by "motivated" people who are willing to work 90 hours a week because they find it fun. Oh well.
  • 2
    Cheers man. You can be the role model. Those who fly higher have bigger issues, which are better not seen by naked eye so yeah, you do the favor and be that role model.
    Plus, you're not full of yourself which is good.

    (what I'm saying is, you're the role model because we don't have better ones)
  • 4
    I would say you have more experience than you give your self credit for.

    I’d rather trust someone that question their own knowledge than someone who think they know it all.

    The first one is probably closer to the truth ;)

    And working support in my experience gives you a lot of other experiences that you do have use for, just not always for the coding but the thinking around it.

    And also, Imposter Syndrome is a thing that is both quite common and, unless to severe, better than the alternative.

    Nothing screams bad code and security problems as a developer that is to sure if their abilities ;)

    So, as long as others believe in you, appreciate their opinion they most likely see something you are missing, a good developer is their own worst critic.

    Even if you feel you have problems building things, just being able to ask the right questions can save the others massive amounts of time.

    And code review comments is good, I tend to be more scared when I get none since I assume its because they also failed to spot the mistakes :D
  • 2
    Others have touched on imposter syndrome and all that, I'll just say that "managed to get out of poverty and build a decent life for myself" is pretty commendable.

    Role models don't have to be in terms of literally everything, another person could very validly see you as a role model but get out of poverty in a different way using a completely different profession, for example. The fact that you feel you're stagnating or inexperienced doesn't make the achievements you do have any smaller or less worthy of mention.
  • 1
    found while looking for something during a meeting today:

    https://stilldrinking.org/how-to-wo...
  • 3
    I think developing from scrarch is easier than properly integrating a feature into an alien system so I wouldn't glorify that aspect too much.
  • 1
    You're all so kind and supportive of this fucker. Thank you.
  • 4
    "...because I managed to get out of poverty and build a decent life for myself"

    Dude, stop right there. That's an accomplishment in itself more than most ever achieve. Heck, just take a look at your rants around how some others in poverty in your local area behave and then compare it to your situation.

    But beyond that - nothing you've listed there makes you unworthy of a senior title. Coding stuff from scratch is arguably *easier* than just maintaining bits here and there too - it's certainly no less of a dev position. Likewise for learning new stuff - just learn it as you go and as necessary. Despite what some preach, there's no reason to skill yourself up on everything just because it's the latest fad - if it's required for your work, then use work time to do it, otherwise make a note of its existence and move on.

    The trademarks of a "bad dev" are those who get a reputation for not doing anything and can't last more than 6 months in any job. That doesn't sound remotely like you.
  • 3
    Unrelated. I just find it funny that I bought this and it costs 69 each and I got the number 69 for order waiting. I haven't been active much recently but this is important!
  • 0
  • 0
    @M1sf3t It did say "eat". I guess I'll be eating ass. Gonna be a good day.
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