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Ugh.. just realized a sad fucking habit....
> There is something x that i want to understand.
> I try to look over its docs, videos tutorials , but I don't seem to get mind around its basic meaning.
> I can take the usual path of mugging it up but rather i go around it trying to look into its building components
> I would go deeper and deeper but won't really come back to shore aka relate back to x's definition.

> At the end i will just leave my research, mug the definition (approach that i previously didn't took) enough to answer in interview/test
> In interview i will show the curious card : "i am not sure about it, but from what i know the x means this <mugged up def> . I don't really know what it exactly means, but <rambling about that partial in deep research>

>> Result : pass. interview is confused but somewhat satisfied by my knowledge of x .

> Then someday i get to work with x.
> I try to avoid x as much as possible and work reflects it. Everyone gots to know how much of a faker i was. Firing/harassment.

Life gets fucked up just because i got lazy and left my goal to fully understand x

What's worse is that I didn't even recognized its impact. I am always working/studying but never get a recognition/rewarding that other gets due to my work being "halfly done" . And it never impacted me before because i usually filled my reward necessity with those stupid daily rewarding games and pathetic relaxing habits :/

I am fucked up and need to change :(

Comments
  • 3
    True perfectionism is its own reward. 👍
  • 3
    Fleeing from your reponsibilities.

    Or as modern internet calls it: "procrastination".

    It's sad - less about the job issue, more about the fact that you haven't even unlocked your own potential.
  • 1
    @IntrusionCM thank you for defining this. It was a late night sleepless post ( my version of drunk post where i am in the most woke version of myself) , but i feel i have been doing this in a lot of areas tech, life or otherwise. I just can't seem to learn something before am in the environment where it is being used or do something which doesn't seem beneficial for that moment....

    I feel like, i should be redoing whole my life again maybe from 6th ,7th class or at least the last 10 years of my life :/
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