5
ZeBot
15d

Made a new account since there are peeps who know my old handle outside of this amazing project I mean site.

I've been feeling like a complete failure past few years. Back when it first begun I was sick. Sick with the atrocious sickness called inability to say no. So I had signed up for multiple projects, I've been a member of a drama club (which disbanded after a year with nothing to show for it), I've been a member of an active student group and all of that at the same time combined with my studies since I was (still am) a student.

At the end of it all, I was completely overwhelmed. I tried to do them one by one but I screwed up, I screwed them all up in the end. I was never used to such level of responsibility prior to starting my studies and I bit off more than I could chew.

Ever since then just like falling dominos falling uniformly to form a picture, every single time I took up a responsibility I got overwhelmed and failed them all. It gotten to a very depressing point where I couldn't even go to uni, I was terrified of seeing my professors to whom I had failed.

So here I am, getting closer and closer to my midlife, still a student, feeling like a complete failure that I am.

I don't want that. I don't want to be a failure. I don't want people to second guess wether to entrust things to me or not. I don't want to grow up to being a bitter man blaming everything and everyone for my failures. I don't want any of that. I want to change for the better and I'll do everything in my power to do it.

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    @highlight if (failing) {
    dont();
    }
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    @theabbie Now, I'm sure you didn't mean it, but jokes like this can really be hurtful, especially to people who struggle with things like these...
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    @ZeBot I hope you'll be successful, good luck man, rooting for you :D

    Also, I'm not an expert at this, but try starting small, try to train yourself saying no to small things, like insignificant requests until you feel comfortable enough, I also heard heard that this stems a lot of time from low self esteem/low sense of worth, so maybe improving that will naturally reduce the fear of saying no.
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    And as a side note/advice: Whenever me and my friends were feeling really down, I found meditation to really help, sort of(I'm not sure it's authentic meditation, but it works so who cares)
    It's pretty easy, find some free times(literally a few minutes) go to some quiet place where you can be alone, sit down, don't move, focus on your breath(it helps to take your attention from everything else, to your breath) and when you get to the point when you don't think about anything else, take a few seconds and start imagining some happy and calming things, for example the sun, flowers, birds, the sea, whatever makes you happy and calm(I like to imagine myself on an empty beach with grass and the sound of waves) and then open your eyes slowly and smile, try doing this for a couple of days, it always helped me in hard times
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    @SoldierOfCode Yeah, But it is difficult to feel someone else's problem
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    Thank you, @SoldierOfCode!

    Starting small is my current plan. Going to do some super small scale projects and get familiar with various tools in the process.

    I haven't considered meditation. I'll give it a shot. I know a perfect spot for it too

    As for the @theabbie's joke, I'm alright with that. Gave me a chuckle too. Haven't seen that joke format in years so it was nice.
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    @ZeBot If you want help in the project or in general, or emotional support(I'm told I'm good at listening) I'd be happy to. There's no such thing as too many friends, I'd also be happy to know people from abroad. Contact me at: ZeBotFriend@pickybuys.com
    Sorry for the temp mail, but I don't like having my private data in the open, especially since you can't delete comments on devRant
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    @SoldierOfCode
    Email sent:)
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    Hey!
    Was in a similar place a while back. Things will definitely get better. Don't lose hope and keep trying :)
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    @ZeBot I sent you back an email from my actual email, did you miss it? About 4 hours ago
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    Thank you, @maddy97

    @SoldierOfCode
    Sorry, was running at work at the time when I saw your email and then it slipped my mind till now
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    @ZeBot I was there for years, the emotional weight became so heavy that it became unbearable. I took the step to look for some therapy and then had private talks with some of my professors and family and from there started taking steps to a better mind state. Forgive yourself, stop punishing you. Don’t be so hard on yourself and compare yourself to who you were yesterday not to who someone else is today.

    Also the book of 12 rules for life an antidote to chaos by jordan peterson was of much help to me, I hope you get better.
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