Any motivation/good thoughts for me? I am just in a meh state , when a lot of shit awaits me.

- At work , there was this bug solving task assigned to me on Wednesday, i had figured out the approach by friday evening, which was 90% working, but for 10% i have to understand the whole class on which i was applying my solution . And the class was a god class, 8000 lines of code which was doing so many tasks that other bugs would creep in out of nowhere and not a single person would know.

I wanted the senior to explain me some codeflow so i could begin some refactoring , but he went to taking some interview. Amd never pinged me back. My approach would also require changing base classes and classes that other code depends upon , so his approval is necessary.

So here i am, into a fresh new Saturday, a weekend, with my hands tied regarding office work.
I could have attempted to make changes in my local branch or tried attempting to understand code, but had a college rrelated shit( covered below) so dropped that.

- I also looked into some very interesting concepts and adapter workings while solving this bug that i wanted to research more into it , but again the college related shit.

-Now its sunday night , when i would wake up, i would again go back to college related shit work. And not do anything to get that bug solved. A fresher teen, just 15 days as junion into the best company i could hope for, and am giving shit performance like this :/

- i also lost 2 of my marksheets in march... At that time i was very active and immediately travelled 60 kms to amd fro the university and my clg to get all the formalities done. Now all that was left was to collect marksheets after one month when they would call . Never received the call, nor did i tried to get them because of covid. Now everything is functional since last 3 months and i just couldn't get my ass to call them and ask about my marksheets. I am sure they are gonna make me run and pay the money again, fuck

- And here comes the college shit. I failed an exam 2 years ago. Gave it again and still failed. Now this exam is over my head on November 2. I gave this subject around 2 months this year, making notes reading the concepts , etc. This subject is so boring that even after attempting it twice and making 140 page notes on all possible parts of syllabus, i still can't remember or understand the shit of it . I am trying to make myself remember the syllabus by doing test papers, but couldn't get myself to do 6/30 questions today, THE WHOLE DAY, without getting diverted.

I can see the failures in front of my eyes. Failure in exam because of my laziness to study. Failure in job because i wasted my time to get things done

I am ruining my time. Need some motivation , good thoughts anything will do :(

  • 3
    man. you seem to be in a tight spot. I can totally relate to this because there are times when I see myself making certain mistakes or poor decisions.
    situations like this can't be solved with you being sad and blaming and probably calling yourself names. it's through taking charge and trying to fix yourself or the problem directly or going around itπŸ˜‚(much easier I tell ya) one after the other, with time things will fall into place.
    I really can't tell how bad you feel right but there's this saying popular amongst young guys here,

  • 3
    Things that are done are done.
    Things that have yet to finish or happen can still go a myriad ways.
    If you only see failures even if they haven't happened yet then might be good time to just stop thinking even for just 1hr. Eat some ice cream, watch a funny video or scream into a pillow. It's stress, do what you think can help de-stress you. When you feel lighter and a bit calmer go back to the things you need to do. Divide then into conquerable tasks. Understand you may not win them all so prioritize which one you can do better. Small wins to help boost your confidence back. And lots of ice cream 🍨.
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    ...But fr, even Gods face their challenges sometimes, you can do this fam! I believe in you!
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    Take my upvote at least, bro! Hang in there, there is always some shit going down and there are always good things to happen, as well. I don't think, that your job performance is shit, nobody can expect from you (if they're sane and know what they're doing) to fix some huge and shit legacy code without any kind of support, that's just plain stupid.

    I've got two questions regarding your rant:
    1) what are mark sheets?
    2) what do you mean by syllabus?

    Best of luck for your exam and for your job! You can do it!
  • 0
    Jesus dude. You're proper fucked.

    Resort to meth.

    (Disclaimer: or just freebase cocaine or whatever you can find lying around.)

    (Disclaimer 2: Do not do any of this, I'm just trying to lighten your mood with a crude attempt at humor. All I can say is I feel for you. I've been there. And good luck digging the fuck out of that mess. Believe in yourself. Have a short memory for failure.)
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    Can I ask what is that boring subject?
    I had "Environmental Studies" in my third year (of a CS degree!!!), and it sucked so bad. I was bound to fail as I was interning at a company and couldn't bring myself into studying that shit.

    I did the previous years question papers as per the suggestion of a senior at the univ and literally memorised a few points the night before the exam, and I was lucky that many questions were similar and I passed. Sucker brought my GPA down.

    I'd suggest talking to someone who's good at this and understand their technique.
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    Thank you for support everyone. This is all on me, and its not the first time i made a shit like that. I wonder if i am even worth this tech life or any work life in general. My core is : i like to give my body relax without caring for the consequences. Based on my education and the grace of my luck , i am sitting on a gold mine (gold mine here means being part of technology as a profession, which is the topmost earning profession right now , and which we all have.) , but due to my stupidity amd laziness , am gonna loose it . I wish to be back in the nest , the time when I could do anything and there was always a shelter to protect me, the childhood. I don't want to be an expert, i don't wanna be responsible for my actions or someone else's life. Guess i have to grow the fuck up.
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    @sudo-compile communication system . Its all about analog communication, channels, freq/amplitude modulation, random variables and shit
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    @yowhatthefuck that's another sucker. If your curriculum is anywhat like mine, you need to practice the numerical problem sums a lot. They're tricky. Also, trying to memorize the gazillion formulae will take you nowhere. Instead, try to find out patterns in questions set in previous years by same faculty/uni and focus on parts he likes. Also, deriving the formulae yourself might help.

    Try the book by IJ Nagrath and see if it aligns with your curriculum. It's really boring at times, but helped me pass.
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