Sometimes I daydream about just selling out and doing the whole diversity and women who code kind of thing. Apply for the big tech companies and work my way towards becoming one of the faces of their bullshit company. I'm gonna get a long wig, tan myself brown, and wear subtle native shit like a carabao brooch or some Cheongsam-inspired work suit. And when there's a big work event or party, I'm gonna go full on White Rose from Mr Robot, smiling and shaking people's hands like I give a shit. Gonna try to look wholesome and innocent, all I really wanted was a chance to get into tech as a humble being.

I'm gonna practice a strong accent and I would tell humble stories about where I came from, that god sent me here, and about all the struggles I had getting into the field as a woman. I'm gonna step up to the podium and say shit like, "Women can do it too, we can kuh-hode!" Then I'm gonna stir up some shit like, "Why is the terminal black?" Gonna make my voice and hands shake from intense emotion (visible anger, almost crying), "Why is something that we use to do our bidding black? Are we not over the years of slavery in the past? What does a terminal represent? Slavery. You know what else is terminal? Cancer. Slavery and racism are the cancers of our society. We must stop this. Terminals should be in all colors and it shouldn't be black by default."

1. Point out a non-malicious thing and add malice to it. The more racist and sexist, the better.
2. Mention something bad that is not related to it at all.
3. Make them seem related in an attempt to make a point.
4. Fail to make a point.
5. Say "we must stop this".

I'm gonna look straight into people's eyes with a serious face while cry-laugh-cringing internally. "As a brown woman, this makes me sad. I have Kubernetes skills, you know and it hurts me." If I catch some people laughing even though I'm also about to fart from internal laughter, I will point at the whitest male of them all. "You, do you think this is funny? Because this is my life, as well as millions of other people like ME!"

Then I'm gonna curse all of the white men who obviously only got into this field through violence. Yes, Mike, I know you pointed a gun at the HR to get in. What else could it be? All you know is violence because testosterone! You don't really know Kubernetes, I do, I set it up all the time for my thousands of hello world applications and yet here you are, just walking in with your white boy genes and your guns and taking all our jobs away. "What do you have to say for yourself? Shame."

Then of course, some hardcore social media "journalists" are gonna capture this on video and people are gonna ruin whoever man I pointed out's life and say shit like, "This big white man laughed at this little brown chick while she was talking. Sexism and racism in one video. This is why tech is so toxic." I'm gonna allow myself to get caught with a boner (big plastic white bottle) and people are gonna talk about how they didn't use a real woman as the face of their women who code thing. "I admit, I was born in a body that did not align with my desires but just because I have a penis doesn't mean I can't wear a Cheongsam. Also, the fact that you're pointing this out is discrimination and I had enough of that in my life. Shame. This is why tech is so toxic. You accept black terminals but not Cheongsam dicks. Fuck you."

I'm gonna keep ranting about big bad white men while dating one. Of course, people will find this out and point it out. I would flip it and say, "See? This is the problem. You look down on people like me because you're all racist. Just because I'm brown doesn't mean I can't date someone who is white. Sexist. Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I don't have a choice who to date."

I'll keep ranting about all the ridiculous shit, just calling people names every time they speak. Just shame them for no reason then after several years of collecting my diversity money, I'm gonna leak a porn video of me. A compilation of sucking white man dick with voice overs just saying "big bad white men" over and over again. Some really degrading porn kinda shit. "You know what else scales? My ass cluster. Yeah, baby, fill up my containers with your sweet, sweet, love juice."

God bless whoever hires me and make me the face of their company. They will be forever ruined.

  • 13
    Why did I write this?
  • 9
    @rutee07 I would like to know as well... It was a good read though.
  • 7
    @neeno We must stop this.
  • 4
    @rutee07 I see what you did there
  • 10
    Finally some quality content on this platform.
  • 4
  • 8
    You had me lol at "you know what else is terminal? Cancer.''' Reminds me of how Github touted they would rename the default "master" branch to "main" in the wake of BLM.

    Sterilizing language in tech terms that clearly don't have racist roots but put the meaning of the master-slave relationship to good use, won't help fight racism, but it might briefly get the company in the spotlight as a do-gooder. Who's gonna be offended anyway, the bugfix branch?
  • 5
    I'm fucking framing this
  • 6
    Perfection 😂
  • 3
    Im commenting so I can remember to read this tomorrow while drunk
  • 3
    @rutee07 you write this bc the world is bored of useless meme posts on devRant and needs something that isn’t half assed. Nobody likes those annoying posts copy pasted from reddit showing spongebob cracking jokes about windows
  • 9
    @d-fanelli I was just bored and entertained myself with these thoughts. Thought I'd share it with all of you.
  • 1
    @rutee07 good! Keep doing it! We’ve been getting a lot of crap here and need rants like yours to combat meme fatigue
  • 2
  • 3
    I only dream about becomeing rich, so i could buy my own Island isolated away from the humanity of this planet. To escape modern bullshit.

    No humans, No suffering/pain/idiocy.
  • 3
    So glad I read it while drunk, it strikes me that much harder. Kubernetes lol. I never touched kubernetes, but maybe I should learn it to impress recruiters. Because knowing kubernetes.js microservices contained in a docker cloud platform is the real test of anyone who isn’t a piece of shit. Plus, am I missing out on interviews bc I select white non hispanic in the ethnicity column and male in the gender column?
  • 3
    @Root should I give up and flip whoppers at Burger King bc I don’t know kubernetes? Recruiters think I’m too stupid to program because of that. Not based on any other measure, like coding tests or seeing what I’ve actually done in my academic or professional past
  • 2
    And what about white spaces, huh? Isn't there space for black spaces?

    Dark mode on!
  • 1
    This is absolutely magnificent. Thank you for making me lol irl. Brb setting up a purple terminal with green letters just in case that becomes a real thing
Add Comment