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prodigy21426081dps : these are just work related problems. similar situation os gonna come if i ever decide to live on my own : the responsibilities , everyone (the cleaner, sweeper, landlord, grocery guy, repair guy, some guy trying to block me from parking, sone corrupt police giy, some thief,... list goes on) trying to be a macho on me and just getting a better deal in every interaction/ bargain we would come up.
how are you people dealing with life?
saucyatom152881dHalf of the issue seems societal / cultural: That these asshole traits seem to be accepted or even appreciated.
saucyatom152881dAs such, also your options depend on what's socially accepted, and personally I can't help you with that (for India). However my general advice would be to gain some self confidence, part of which is feeling well in your body (and you can work on that).
UnicornPoo151380dThat’s a lot there.
How often do you actually have to deal with people like this? Do you think it’s a real threat or is it mostly what you think is going to happen?
I grew up feeling that the whole world was a threat and even though I didn’t live in the nicest place, most of the threat was in my head. I had massive social anxiety and assumed that people just wouldn’t like me.
I’m not saying that those situations won’t ever happen but how likely is it day to day?
BixelPitch93580dPhew a lot of stuff here indeed. Im not sure what to say about cultural stuff. I don't live in India and don't know your circumstances whilst I live a privileged life in a western country. I am an introvert person too and have generally a below average self esteem in general. But where I am very confident in is my professionalism and my skills. That was my getaway car to overcome my social anxiety in several aspects and gain more self esteem in other regions in my life. Maybe that's a good way for you too. Find out what you're good at and keep working on that. Maybe express this to the world and receive cheers which will motivate you. Don't hesitate to switch jobs to a employer which has a better culture. Maybe move to another city/region/country with "better people". But stick to your principles: never please asshole people's and trust in your abilities. Cut off negative people and invest your social resource to people who give something back. This will take long but will pay off.
@UnicornPoo if i am in room full of skinny less skilled awkward people, then never. but if i am in a room with just even one person that is better than me in any aspect, then surely i am somehow going to give them a chance to screw me, unintentionally.
so maybe its mostly in head. i am very easy to talk with. i have made myself approachable using tactics which require me to be open , helpful, explaining , self doubting and on the whole approachable.
i have literally been in a meeting where a qa was having confusions, nd invited the Backend dev for info.the backend dev lashed out at him.l, firstly for calling him without having a clarity on weather or not it was a backend issue , nd secondly for wasting his time.
i am a very different person. i value my time but am also helpful and kind. that guy had called me first to understand what the problem is. he was being a lazy QA, but instead of lashing on him, i left my task and helped without being rude .
@UnicornPoo people connect with me as someone who can also make mistakes, someone who is also nerdy , someone who is also knowledgeable. but they soon realise that these skills could be taken an advantage off. that same guy later started being even more lazy, just sending screenshots of a bug without any context. so at the end i complained about him that I can't fix bugs without context . he later got a very strict bashing because some very senior management also observed that behavior, but the fact that i was his first and easiest victim makes me feel bad while i think about it