16
UnicornPoo
108d

I’m so tired, my brain hurts, I just want to sleep.

Have loads of work that I need to complete this week but I’m barely half way through so I’ll be working the weekend.

Work, family, relationships, house to look after. Having ‘it all’ is a complete fucking scam. It just leaves you exhausted, lazy and fat. All the while I’m painfully aware of how minuscule my problems actually are. Need to escape from this mind fuck treadmill somehow.

Comments
  • 5
    I realized this long time ago, that you can't get everything in life.

    I decided to throw my family, relationship and house under the bus and only focus on work.

    I am trying now to build human relationship again but not sure how long I can lasts. :/
  • 6
    @cho-uc I have 2 kids that I don’t really want to throw under a bus (most of the time).

    I sat through some ‘empowering women’ stuff at work the other day and all it did was piss me off.

    There’s no such thing as work-life balance when you have young children and you and your partner both work full time in demanding jobs. I actually want to be there to see my children grow up and not have to constantly pretend that I actually care about anything work related.
  • 2
    Who gives you more work than you can do?
  • 6
    Work-life balance starts with you.

    I didn't fully understand this at first, and then 2020 hit. I was working 10-12 hour days before. The first 8 months of 2020 I was working 16-18 hours.

    One day my kid (5) was playing in my office while I was on a client call and just straight screamed at the top of their lungs. I flipped the fuck out, muted myself screamed at this kid. By the end of it my kid was terrified of me for a week.

    In that week it hit me hard. I wasn't *that* upset about the screaming, but it was certainly the point that all the anger boiled over out of me. What I did was wrong, and it took me time to earn the trust and love back from my child.
  • 6
    What I didn't realize before was that it's just a job. We're always put into compromising positions to "deliver or else" and I'm honestly done with that.

    I will never put my job first over the needs of my family, including myself.

    Since that day I work on average 8-9 hours. I take my lunch away from my desk. I cut off all communication after 4pm so I can finish the day off and prepare for the next. It's ok to reject those meetings at 430.

    The best part of my day now, is when my kid comes home from school and begs to come spend time with me in my office until my day ends. I love my kid, and nobody is ever taking that away from me ever again.
  • 5
    1. Family always comes first.
    2. Stop stressing about your todo list it will always grow out of control.
    3. These feelings everyone has its normal!
  • 2
    And never work on weekends.!
  • 4
    @UnicornPoo I like your honesty. Its refreshing. I'd be terrified to join partnership with both of us working full time while trying to raise kids?
    Sometimes feels like it was so much easier back in the day. When houses did not go for 300k or more
  • 3
    @UnicornPoo The most important thing I've learned is to say NO more often.
    Nobody will say thank you if you say yes to every single thing they demand, but they will, if you initially say not and come ask for more.
  • 2
    @dmoen I literally just deleted a whole days worth of changes because my boss decided to change requirements at 4pm on a Friday.

    Fuck em, it's the weekend.
  • 1
    @sariel I did that once. And then I realized I wasn’t actually on mute. Good times.
  • 2
    If you continue finishing all that work on time, you are going to be assigned the same amount of work every time.
  • 1
    @sariel thanks for sharing that. guess I really needed it.
  • 3
    @sariel I agree that work should take a lower priority and it usually does. It’s also good to hear you got to a better place with your kids.

    It’s just the whole lie of ‘look at all these people (usually women) who’ve achieved amazing careers and raised amazing children.’ It’s an idea that’s pushed by so many people and definitely by the company I work for.

    It’s bullshit, the more I live it the more I just want a part time job with minimal stress so I can focus on my family.

    Was having a particularly bad week last week, think I’m just done with it all.
  • 2
    @UnicornPoo it is bullshit, it's the same as having two full-time jobs.

    the women that have it all either have money or a really good support network. either way you're raising your kids with nannies/daycare or letting relatives raise them for you. my mom was the second case, i was basically raised by my aunt.

    it's a tough place to be, i hope you find your balance
  • 0
    A rest can be more useful than working continuously.
  • 0
    My wife and I started having kids when I was in my early 40’s. We have two now (newborn and toddler), and I feel your pain, although admittedly I’m lucky with my child care situation right now. Work has been the driving force in my life for so long that I had no idea how to shut down or say “no” to any request at work. I got to a breaking point a month ago and had to talk to my bosses about getting off of an absolutely horrific project. I just can’t work 50-60 hr weeks anymore. When I was in college IT careers were all the rage (guess they still are) and I got sucked into the hype - if had known about all the nights, 5am Saturday implementations, weekends, holidays, missed family events, etc that this career demands, I wouldn’t have gone near it for all the money in the world.
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