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GF: What are you doing there?
Dev: I've been trying to reproduce a bug for two hours now...
GF: You need two bugs the opposite sex, otherwise they won't reproduce.
From a sad true story.8 -
Hacking is like sex. You get in, you get out, and hope that you didn’t leave something that can be traced back to you.10
-
So basically there's this guy, that work with us that relocated from a small village south of Italy to the city where we have the HQ.
So after a while this guy has found a girlfriend here and after few days we discovered that he never had sex in his life. you may ask, how did you discover it? Yes, basically he disappeared for a week, his phone was off, no slack, no Facebook, nothing. We couldn't contact him in any way. After a week he gave a call to our cto saying sorry about what happened and explaining that he spent the whole week having sex with his girl, day and night. This story has also a good end because he still has his job.27 -
"Software is like sex: it's better when it's free." - Linus Torvalds
"If free software is like Libre Office, I would rather pay for Microsoft Office. "17 -
Documentation is like sex.
When it's good, it's very good.
When it's bad, it's better than nothing.22 -
Saying that Java is nice because it works on every OS is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on every gender.7
-
!Rant Read this somewhere on the internet.
Machine learning is like teenage sex: everyone talks about it, nobody really knows how to do it, everyone thinks everyone else is doing it, so everyone claims they are doing it...4 -
My work started working on an adult goods site and every once in a while I hear phrases like "Wait, go back to anal", " Can I take a look at sex toys", etc. We're all pretty professional about it, but I still get caught off guard when I hear those convos haha.2
-
Programming is like sex because...
- One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
- Once you get started, you'll only stop because you're exhausted.
- It takes another experienced person to really appreciate what you're doing.
- ...Conversely, there's some odd people who pride themselves on their lack of experience.
- You can do it for money or for fun.
- If you spend more time doing it than watching TV, people think you're some kind of freak.
- It's not really an appropriate topic for dinner conversation.
- Public schools don't do a very good job teaching kids about it.
- It doesn't make any sense at all if you try to explain it in strictly clinical terms.
- Some people are just naturally good at it.
- ...But some people will never realize how bad they are, and you're wasting your time trying to tell them.
- There are a few weirdos with bizarre practices nobody really is comfortable with.
- One little thing going wrong can ruin everything.
- It's a great way to spend a lunch break.
- Everyone acts like they're the first person to come up with a new technique.
- Everyone who's done it pokes fun at those who haven't.
- Beginners do a lot of clumsy fumbling about.
Source and full list : https://push.cx/2006/...1 -
There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who have regular sex.3
-
!rant
After knocking off from work, I went to nearby Coffee shop to grab a Coffee. I met a girl and we started talking about our day. She asked me to do her a favor and take a look at her laptop, it’s been playing up for sometime now. So, I went. She took me to her bedroom where the laptop was, and the conversation continued on topic romance, sex and girlfriend. You know what happened next…Yes.
For the first time in my life I fixed a hot cheeks computer and got laid.
What was wrong? There was a malware in her computer which was opening random websites.22 -
Story time!
My exboyfriend used to code in php 5. It’s his favourite programming language, and I hardly teached him how to code in Python.
One day, I said to him: Hey schatz, let’s go to the sex shop ...
He: Oh yeah 😏
Me: ... and buy an elephant thong 😁
He: What?!
Me: Yes, a blue elephant thong for Php
Me laughed
Me: So?
He: No way!
Me: Please!!!!!
He: Ok. I’m working at a cultural events web page. When I got my first client, we’ll go to the sex shop and buy the “php thong”.
Well... I broke up with him before we could go to the sex shop 💔😂😭( for another reasons, not for the php thong, obviously)
Do you have any funny story like this?
28 -
There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who have regular sex.7
-
I hate how people think that to be a "hacker" or hacking is this special job title. lol. Hacking is just using something in a way in which it was not intended to be used.
So pretty much think ...anal sex.
There. Now many people are "hackers"6 -
Definately Linus Torvalds
"Software is like sex; it's better when it's free"
"Computer is like an air conditioner, it becomes useless when you open windows"9 -
Learning a new language is like first time doing sex, it's hard at the beginning but when you start doing it right you just want more and more! :) good morning guys !!4
-
Sex talk between programmers.
She: I'm a virgin.
He: Don't worry. They call me the virginslayer007.
She: Oh! So how many virgins have you slayed till now?
He: That would be ONE in a few minutes.
She: So u r also a virgin then..
He: Don't worry. I watched so many video tutorials. We just have to do exactly as they did. Best thing is that it can be done both for testing and production purposes.
She: Let's stick to testing purposes for now.6 -
Marketing wants to remove the word "sex" from one of my slide decks.
Fuck people who get outraged for others. They are making a bad situation much worse.
Yes, there are people who get triggered by the slightest thing---but those people are going to be triggered no matter what you do. And it seems to me that I'd not want to have them as customers anyway---massive support cost.
We are in danger of washing everything until it becomes an inoffensive shade of beige.
Why do the 99% have to be bored for the 1%?
It's not like I'm doing a live demo...yet...
So, fuck outrage by proxy. If you are personally outraged then say that. If not, shut the fuck up.14 -
They say, MATHS is a universal language,
They say, WAR is a universal language,
They say, LOVE is a universal language,
They say, SEX is a universal language,
.
.
I say C is the universal Language!!!9 -
Documentation is like sex... When it's good, it's very good. When it's bad, it's better than nothing.4
-
Crowdsource let's you improve Google's algorithms by manually identifying items. I helped the world today by making sure "sex" = "sex"
4 -
Yeah sex is nice, but have you tried building your own CMS from scratch and finally begin to use the UI your set up yourself instead of typing urls in the address bar?8
-
When I had sex in the office and my boss nearly walked in thank god for locked doors
Not techy but there you go...14 -
I had a co worker who was a bit of a robot with little to none tact or social skills (let's call him Bob Bot). Once, we had one of those company events where pointy haired boss had the cringe worthy idea of having everyone share an "unusual secret" about themselves as a team building exercise.
"So Bob Bot, what is your secret?"
Bob (in the same tone you would use to deliver the weather forecast): "So for those who don't know yet, I am polyamorous. This means that I have multiple sex partners at the same time."
(Dead silence in the room)
Bob: "Oh but wait...she gets to have multiple sex partners as well!"
And that kids, was a great example of gender equality! -
Thank to “Weekly Rant 119” we all had to clean the place where working, eating, gaming, chilling, sex, porno watching, bugs fighting ,duck fucking, etc etc etc.
Salute to @dfox !2 -
If you think about it, modern webpages and anal sex are pretty much the same.
Sure, you can do it, but it wasnt designed for that and you will probably end up with a shitfest.7 -
I have reached the point where my main project with my arduino collection is building a sex robot and i dont even feel the least bit ashamed about it.10
-
1. That my code would compile.
2. See #1.
3. See #1.
The girl I'm talking to said her brother was giving her one of those talks about how all boys are gross and want sex. I told her that the one thing I want is for my code to fucking compile12 -
Got my first SSD yesterday. I... i just want to have sex with her.. i name her Shy Sheila Droid.. oops jizzed my pants36
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Expectations: I will program like the perfect lover! Fast, strong, safe, and with a passion others only dream of! I will stay up all night loving my code.
Reality: I code like a cheap whore. In fast bouts with whatever personal project will pay me the most in progress. My emotional experience is meh, it is sloppy, the code asks me to do things I don't want to but I say yes to get it to leave me alone, I don't use proper protection, and I am usually working stupid hours.2 -
Somewhere out there there are a bunch of dudes working to produce an a.i like system for sex dolls.
I just think that shit is funny.41 -
Sex feels good and all but have you ever felt the pride of submitting a bug fix to software you use on GitHub?3
-
Companies: “We believe diversity is our strength. We don’t discriminate on the basis of sex, sexual orientation, ……”
*departments hire 90% women and 10% men*
Companies: “See! Diversity solved!”15 -
When I solved a machine learning problem using naive Bayes in R for the first time.
I still remember it was 5am. Had been stuck for weeks and when it worked.. I called my teammate at 5am and said.. "I think solving this feels better than having sex".3 -
So a friend approached me about joining an internship. Said you'll learn php, js , jquery and bootstrap. I'm like okay I'm already learning this stuff, cool but is there a stipend or something? She says no but I'll have to pay 5000₹ (72$).
I said "ni🅱🅱a if you're paying, that's not sex that's prostitution" and noped the fuck outta there.
Its just sad how many students with no skills are actually paying to get an internship nowadays.13 -
Why the absolute fuck do I need to have nvidia membership to download cudnn? What evil do these mofos think people achieve with free access to a fucking programming tool?
Jesus on a bike! I nag about open science and all I end up with is always these spying morons, who purposefully disable scientists. Fuck!
If👏you👏need👏my👏info,👏then it's👏not👏free.👏17 -
IT is so violent and disturbing when it comes to technical terms in relation to clusters:
- master / slave
- master / master / witness (crime scene?)
- splitbrain (how does that look in reality?)
- stonith (shoot the other node in the head)
- deadtime (no heartbeat)
- slicing (wtf?)
- shard (do they kill with that?)
- active / passive (sex scene?)
- single point of failure (at least they know who is to blame)
- share nothing / shared all (dictators vs communism)
😯7 -
Tomorrow Im going to our customer wearing a Rammstein shirt while I am normally wearing something more professional. Im heading to a rammstein concert directly after. And I cannot take anything with me but an empty bottle without cap. So no redressing :)
Let's hope they don't mind.7 -
Accidentally copying my sex tape into an npm repository without realizing, publishing it, and having it be downloaded billions of times before I could unpublish it.8
-
Life is hard.
You are born. DNA gets determined. You go through infancy.
Puberty comes and DNA is like
"uh from now you'll pretty much have strong sexual urges, a huge desire to be sexually prolific, nothing weird like being pedo or into rape though".
me: Uh ok.
dna: oh, also, you're gonna be one of those late bloomers, you know, you talk like shit, you dress like shit, you smell like shit.
life: that's true and also you don't have anyone in your life to teach you about that shit, so forget about kissing, having sex, let alone being in a relationship for a long time.
*a lot of years go by with a lot of missed opportunities, mistakes and regrets*
life: ok, you seem to have become a decent sex partner out of a lot of scarring experiences, but there's one problem: you've fallen in love with somebody.
and you're married
and you have kids
me: well, does that mean I can't fuck other people?
life: yeah, no. I'm surprised I even have to explain that, it's called cheating. It will pretty much ruin your marriage, and fuck up your kids.
me: ok, I guess no then. I'm still fortunate enough to have sex with my wife right?
life: yeah... but you still want to fuck other people
me: what???
life: yeah, did you think that falling in love would make you not want to fuck other people? fuck no
me: ok, well I'm very grateful that I get to experience sex at all.
life: yes... there's a thing though, your partner has a much much lower libido than you.
me: ok, well maybe if I exercise and dress better that might change
life: that will definitely help, you'll feel more confident and have more stamina, but every time you retry exercising, you remember how much you hate it and how little stamina you have.
oh, I'm sorry, I forgot you had kids and work, yeah no time or energy for that.
me: ok, then should I just embrace a more liberal lifestyle, like becoming a swinger?
life: ha, fat chance, it's a very taboo thing and you're not that liberal, neither is she.
me: uhhh, i guess i can sometimes watch porn then...
life: watching porn regularly will make the only sex that you have worse, according to statistics.
me: ok, I guess I should get ripped18 -
Can code awesomeness for my clients.
Can drive traffic to almost any website.
Can turn half-baked ideas into money for clients.
Have absolutely no game at all with the opposite sex.
Sometimes the tradeoff of being a geek sucks.6 -
What the fuck??!?!?
I wanna say :-
Fuck!!! What the fuck a sex robot is?!?? Fuck???
Lets leave this planet here humans are thinking to make a sex robot(fuck! ) who can say no fuck?!?!?! Later they will file rape case for humans who tried to force their robot. FUCKING FUCK BRAINS?!?!?
Full answer: -
A lot of ethicists and psychologists think that yes, they should learn to say no. Here is an interesting article about it:
Should We Program Sex Robots to Give Consent?
I agree with Kate Darling, Ph.D., a research specialist and robot-human interaction expert at MIT Media Lab, told Inverse in a discussion about Westworld, when she says she isn’t concerned about the robots, but with human behavior.
However, when I’ve expressed these feelings on Quora, about this controversy I was downvoted and my answer collapsed because people got offended that I made the claim that an object (the robot) could be ‘raped,’ even after I clarified exactly what I meant by that- that no you cannot rape an object, but just as an object cannot consent, you may be enacting ‘rape’ or torture fantasies, etc., on the robot. I think I was downvoted because my point of view wasn’t exactly what they wanted to hear, was too blunt, and the people who downvote opinions that may look more negatively at the sex robot industry typically aren’t feminists in the slight.
It seems a lot of people want the right to use sex robots and also that a lot of people haven’t really thought about it too deeply. Some people say that the robots will relieve women from sex work or protect people from sexual assault, I think these are very bold claims. Some people compare the sex robots to vibrators or other masturbation tools, but this is simply not accurate because sex robots are designed to be much more. They are marketed as companions that do not cry, nag, etc. People that own them often may dress them, tie them up, have marriage ceremonies, etc., a lot more activities than they would if it was a simple masturbation tool.
5 -
Working with JavaScript is like trying to have protective sex with condoms with millions of holes.
- a cybersecurity perspective5 -
Java is kind of like teenage sex--everyone is always talking about it, but in reality they don't even know what they're talking about.
-
I have a confession to make. When i started programming it was done in my room all alone for around 6 months. I started watching porn while programming. And eventually only watched porn while coding to a point where I got turned on by programming.
I'm not sure if this further stimulated my love for programming or dimmed it. But sex and coding are now linked in my brain.7 -
Thanks for the stickers :)
(yes I know one of my other sticker says spa sex instead of SpaceX and I'm not even mad)
3 -
One of the embarrassing moment for me..
Whenever some colleague pings me whenever I was busy coding I would reply "1 sec", finish whatever I was doing then talk to them.
But what happened one day was I sent "1 sex" instead to couple of the colleagues... When I realised it was very embarrassing..
Since then I have stopped using "1 sec" and use "1 min" instead.1 -
If god was a programmer, do you think he made us like
int sex = rand()% 2+1;
if (sex == 1){
std::cout << “it’s a girl!”;
}
else if (sex == 2){
std::cout << “its a boy!”;
}17 -
Amazing API's and SEX!
Alright people, now that I've got your attention, I'm getting to the point where I need to plan and roll out a solid API for a project. So after reading a lot of the horror stories written here, What are the finer points of what makes an amazing API experience to use and integrate with over a poor one?
And don't say documentation (If you do explain why) 😁11 -
Things said at work that would be misunderstood when taken out of context:
Yesterday-
client: "I don't like the D"
Boss: "well what if it's a little d"
Client: "I don't think the size of the D matters, do you think people make decisions on the size of a D"
Me: *trying so hard to laugh I spit coffee everywhere*
Today-
Boss: "are you working on that sex padding?"
Me: *trying so hard to laugh I spit coffee everywhere*1 -
My current company. It's locker room talk 24/7
I am a man. I don't mind sex, but my colleagues, and my boss, are talking like Trump was talking to Billy Bush in that bus. I am contemplating complaining to HR, who happens to join them in mentally undressing women and other lewd conversations, or handing in my resignation15 -
Probably the store owner talking to a customer about jerking off while he went like 5 years without sex.
(Im working a basic job while in college)1 -
Big data is like teenage sex: everyone talks about it, nobody really knows how to do it, everyone thinks everyone else is doing it, so everyone claims they are doing it… — Dan Ariely4
-
The flyer says "lick today , grand opening" ....
Mannn I'm into it... Although I perfer tight openings...
3 -
LaTeX should have an option to notify you every time you catastrophically misspell words and turn a "six" into "sex"...
🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️7 -
TIL there were promotional condoms (!) for the first Halo Xbox release.
Gamers do have sex? What were they thinking?
14 -
Opening the bag...
Stuck my nose in it. Deeeeeeep breath.
Better than sex.
Taking the scale, getting the right amount.
Feeding the grinder, thinking about whom to kill... Watching get them torn to pieces, shredded bit by bit.
Preheating the iron, getting the water up to temperature.
Filling up the espresso can, turning it on.
Boiling fresh espresso.
Nothing's sexier than the sound of the steam and the smell of fresh grinded and brewed espresso.
Good Sunday.9 -
How a linux sysadmin has sex :
who | grep -i hot && grep -i female | date; cd ~; unzip; touch; strip; finger; mount; gasp; yes; uptime; umount; sleep; -
What about "Man page"? You sound like a sex-throlling maniac and I demand that you blacklist the term also from the dictions on your doc 🤪 (Oh fuck, did I just used the word 'blacklist'?) *whispers* Sorry Jim, I actually meant 'darklist' the word 'Man page'.
9 -
So just finished my last algorithms and data structures class frequency, feeling pretty confident about the grade, today it'll be all weed, pizza and sex. Life is good :')2
-
Using your phone in Dutch trains is like trying to have sex during an earthquake.
Yes, I did have trouble typing this.20 -
This is easy. Irl fork and acquire commands to let me reposess the knowledge of my children.
Things i can do while playing games:
0: work
1: sleep
2: eat
3: sex
4: workout
5: travel the world
6: troll my ex
7: read every post on DevRant1 -
I fucking hate when someone says something broke the internet! Is it fucking down? Can I fucking play my games? Read my fucking email?
If so, the pictures of Kim's ass, or Nicki's assumed sex tape didn't break the fucking internet!
I learned about this supposed breakage after the fact, from news outlets talking about how is broke!2 -
My 15 year old son witnessed our two male dogs licking each other's privates. My son, in some sort of shock, starts walking around the house saying "My dog is a homo sex you awl!" repeatedly (emphasis on how the syllables sounded).
I stopped him and said, "We need to talk about the birds and the birds."4 -
What's the phrase you can say it in both during sex and programming?
I will go first.
"I am doing deep learning."23 -
Closed MBP and left. Returned to office. Head to a very quiet Starbucks. Open MBP lip. Greeted with a woman's moan. F-ING COWORKERS!
-
So today I told my boss “nodejs without typescript is like sex with strangers without a condom. Sure it’s fun and all... but then you get an std”12
-
For the love of sex, can someone help me out??!!
There is a VS Code extension that helps in creating a step-by-step tutorial of a codebase. Can someone please tell me its name?!
Google is a bitch today.6 -
Saying Java is good because it works on every operating system, is like saying anal sex is good, because it works with every gender!9
-
The YouTube suggestion about deactivating the AdBlocker on my browser on my computer, made me feel as if someone told me to untie my seatbelt while driving or to take off the condom while having sex
It’s my safety, it’s my mind, it’s my time!12 -
I'm ashamed to call Australia home. The adulterer who voted against same sex marriage because it would endanger the sacred family was elected again. I wish I was living in Saudi Arabia.37
-
concious inclusion training: we want you to talk and share about a bunch of shit that's illegal to ask in interviews: age,sex, orientation, family status, religion, values, gender identity, ethnicity etc
what the fuck do any of these things even have to do with the job?
im confused but whatever6 -
If you think walking on your parents while they're having sex is bad, hear(read) this:
Today I heard my mom asked my dad her email's password, and she's a doctor. Why and how can't you memorize your only password? I mean if she wasn't a doctor this situation would be more believable.9 -
Documentation is like sex:
When it's good, it's very good.
When it's bad, it's better than nothing...4 -
rust claims dropbox, firefox and cloudflare all use it.......
firefox's performance has steadily dropped
dropbox's performance was always awful
and cloudflare is that weird software i see when i try to view sex cam caps that limits me to 2 mins a day......
my love is not growing.16 -
bubble sort
promotion sort
quick sort
school sort
heap sort
hr sort
merge sort
sex sort
selection sort5 -
two things people think they are good at, but actually have no clue about:
regex and sex
[I just needed an excuse to write a post about those two, since they sound really nice to each other :D ]8 -
Sanity check.
Guys and Gals... Is this normal to hear from your co-worker things like (will try to translate to English):
"I don't know about your sex life, but could you stop fucking around with this website and move to the shop site?"
and
"Don't fuck around and just do it"
I hear this from a guy who is not a programmer.11 -
You know when people here complain about idiots in stackoverflow downvoting without providing explanation?
Yet the same is being done here.
I made a post here about a recent porn game, and such game is relevant because it's top 3 in earnings in patreon.
if you don't think top 3 patreon making 50k a month is interesting for a post, then you're a prejudiced moron.
What rule am I breaking? I didn't post any pornographic image. I didn't even share a link to the game.
Do people here have a fucking problem with sex?
Is sex, the very cause of our existenxe in first place, so problematic that we need to downvote it?4 -
If you ever need to perform CPR, just remember “Two Trucks Having Sex” song by Lemon Demon and stick to the rhythm. It’s 115bpm, just right for CPR.
At the moment of panic, this song will be with you. I know it.6 -
It was around for a while but I didn’t realize it was it for a long time. I was fixing computers for cash and spending in on booze while in primary school. Making websites for cash and for fun while in high school. Some guys wanted to buy my databases at the time and sending me emails that my websites rocks. I didn’t cared cause I party a lot and I didn’t need money.
Sex drugs and rock and roll was my life not a fucking computer.
Since I never had problems with math I passed exams and got myself to university and dropped out cause of those 3 funny things above. Turned out to pass exams after second year when math and physics disappeared you need to study more then 1 day before exam and party was more important for me.
I failed tremendously. My girlfriend left me I was out of money I got back to my hometown with my laptop and I somehow between depression, drugs, alcohol and killing myself reminded I was getting money from websites and I can try to follow that movie.
At that time I didn’t read single book in english in my life. I know some basic english so I decided to try to read some actionscript2 pdf. Why actionscript ? I liked those simple games. Those were fun and there was nothing better. I was reading first book at least 10 times with vocabulary that took about a month until I remembered whole book and second book was faster like 1 week third was 1 day and from then thing moved a little faster. I discovered flex just before adobe acquired macromedia and started writing in it. Started answering to some questions on forum and build some portfolio website with fancy 3d animations and stuff and finally applied for 2 jobs.
They both were amazed by my website and one of them sent me some task to do and I did it overnight and sent them back. They wanted to hire me and I need to respond to them.
Second job they invited me for talking and asking about math, if I’m ok with 3d and stuff and they offered me job closer to my home town so I picked them. The code was amazing, 3d equations, quaternions, complicated stuff bit very well written by some company that dropped project before launch and my first task was add some small feature.
I remember first day in elevator with my former boss who told me to not to get scary and take it slowly I was trying to do my task as fast as I can worried I will be fired if I don’t do it and nobody else will hire me and I won’t manage to recover from second failure. It was even more fighting with myself that I will fail again then with this task lol.
I’ve done the feature third day and when they said it’s cool and I can commit my changes it appeared to me that It might be this shit that will get me out of trouble.
I was never again wrong about programming and so wrong about trouble but that’s a different story... -
I’m the type of girl to have a passionate sex with you at your parents old house in suburbia, on the Sonic bedsheets you slept on your entire childhood12
-
Why do anything? We all live on a floating rock. There is no meaning. To define meaning is our lives, objective or subjective, is functionally absurd. We are all here, chasing fleeting moments of joy and pretending like things matter. We are born and then have sex and do the dishes and scroll through our feed endlessly until our inevitable deaths. Nothing matters. Post on DevRant. Or don’t.8
-
OK so I have this joke its not fine tuned yet but I'm gonna try it anyway, tell me what you think:
If I ever buy a sex robot I would get 2, male and female, that way I can turn them on before I leave for work in the morning and by the time I get home they would both be exponentially better.3 -
I often don't see devs sad about the lack of sex in their lives.
Is it because we get fucked in the ass by management every now and then, to make up for it?4 -
I recently bought 2 google home. 1 placed in living room, and 1 in our bedroom.
That weird feeling of being spied makes me can't have sex like normal again o_O, sometimes i like to cover her face with pillows 🤣19 -
!rant x 9999
!dev x 999999
Say what you want, but I'm sharing this.
The only thing I am waiting in 2019 is this. Not new phones, not new OSs, not new apps, not new digital currency, not new sex toy, not new God Of War, not new Game of Thrones. Just this 3rd installment of my favorite game.
https://youtube.com/watch/...
// I am not a serious gamer.3 -
Top 3 worst phrases to say during sex:
3. My grandpa died on this couch
2. Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
1. Scared, Potter?17 -
I have an idea. Since to statistics of Porn watchers are increasing. Why not we create a sex toy that generates energy when user masturbate with it?
Renewable energy.5 -
I remember there being someone on here who documented their progress on building their own sex robot with a bunch of Arduinos or something.
Who was that again? Are they still here?5 -
Saying "Java is the best programming language because it works across all platforms" is the same as saying "Butt sex is the best form of sex because it works across all of the animal kingdom"10
-
Did you know a tigers tongued is so rough it can lick the paint off the side of a building?
Gives new meaning to the phrase "oral sex."
On a semi-related note, Samsung uses a butt-shaped robot to make sure its phones won't break when people sit on them. -
Sometimes, after seeing all my friends with their girlfriends and boyfriends have their life, freedom, and happiness slowly sucked away from them, I have to wonder if it is even worth pursuing the opposite sex romantically at all. Especially since spending time on yourself will actually improve your life and make you happier. It’s just sad and feels lonely that no one can relate to me in real life about this.31
-
I've heard that the most programmers don't have girlfriends.
Does that mean you're all virgins or do you people buy sex from prostitutes?26 -
!rant
Good Morning! (it's morning here in my area) My coworker gave a good word today "Don't work for an arsehole until forgot to work for yourself" and "Working for a company who under appreciate you is like having sex with a zombie , the more you remain inside, the more part of your penis disappear"
hahahahaaha and today is his last day..6 -
How do you fight the urge to sleep around 11pm?
How do you fix the desire to stay in bed under blanket till like 8am?
I am at a stage in life where I love my bed and my sleep more than sex. 🤦♂️ (So forget about working at late night or early morning)
Gods, HELP me!6 -
No one: ...
Some Random Karen: Ohh my Gaaawd!!!
How dare you not be inclusive to the LGBTQIABCXYZ+-×÷ community!!!
8 -
Depends on what a tough dev day is. If it was just a tough day usually playing ice hockey helps. If it was a stressful day, board games with my daughter, provided it's not a Wednesday (her Mom's night). If it's a tough problem or bug I'm working on then alcohol, running or lifting, sex, general distractions will do the trick
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Is there a gui for json generator? eg a form in which i can enter first Name, LastName, Sex etc... then it generates the correct json.21
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Was reminded of a joke recently:
Computer are the opposite of sex.
The software goes into the hardware.1 -
SRE as Site Reliability Engineering was invited by Google in US.
SRE was also Sex and Relationships Education in UK.Until around 2017 when it was changed to RSE
Watching Sex Education on Netflix could be great source of funny memes for my workplace. Especially that my company is UK based :D1 -
How is it that in the age of 98%+ reliable contraception incest is more stigmatized than a relationship between an authority figure and their subordinate? sex=children hasn't been the case for decades now.9
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Sex worker, perfumer, scientist, circuit engineer, musician (regular or session), makeup artist, soap maker, graphic or ui designer, voice actor, track bike racer, runner, swimming coach (or running coach or bike coach), dietitian, paramedic, repairman, cook, veterinarian, animal shelter worker, teacher, electrician8
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ughh I have to have sex with my hot blonde gf while the toilet bowl is full of the large pieces of shits I dropped in them. How can I get so much shit in my bladder it's insane.8
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So personally just thought of you peoples overuse of the word cringe which seems rather inappropriate in context.
Just encountered something gross on so many levels it seemed far more appropriate to use such a word to describe it
I feel like I'm stuck in a city that has become a sex offender museum and half of them double as prostitute46 -
Developer 1: You know what they say, programming is just like sex.
Developer 2: Wait, what? I've never heard that before.
Developer 1: Yeah, you spend all your time trying to fix things that should never have happened in the first place.8 -
Highload is like sex: everyone knows about it, everyone talks about it, everyone does it, but nobody knows how to actually do it right.
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Brrrr
Brrrr
Sheeesh
Having sex with my girlfriend calling honey swimming in money Michael Phelps
Keep my girl coming back round like solar system
I’m so fly I got arachnophobia
Skrrrrrra *drop mic* *finger guns*
4 -
A pigeon just shit on me - probably bc all of the bad vibes I’ve been spewing. I hope everyone has sex tonight. I’ll be at the party playing the role of bird. Bye.5
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We should all skip work tomorrow - I just wanna have sex and eat pizza tomorrow. I hate new projects plthhhe5
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once I heard a joke that a nerd programmer want to have sex with his so called gf, she said if u could post something online and get 10K reply then she will do it.
guess what that dude did?
he post "PHP is the best language ever" on a dev forum
he got 10K reply in 10min, the gf said ok so be it let's do it.
the guy said could you wait, I really think PHP is the best language ever I need to persuade those assholes on this
at last he win the war but lost the sex1 -
Big Data is like sex as teenagers: everyone claims to be doing it, but few have actually had a proper experience.1
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Having sex. Or long hot showers. It's amazing how doing either of those helps me unplug for the day and start to refresh my self for the next day of coding.
Context, I used to burnout quiet often. Learning to unplug allowed me to be a better software engineer that could work better over an extended period of time.3 -
Be instrumental in the creation of the first Human-AI baby, and it'll bring our two worlds together!
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Hi who knows a tool for reverse image search on Facebook? Someone blackmail my gf by posting her picture and tagging her as a "call me for sex" hooker...16
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Oh china, you always know how to snap me out of long stints of mundane and/or annoying, chore-esq work.
//...and letting me excuse a 10min, otherwise purely wrong procrastination down a current political rabbit hole
I gotta say, at least in china they are bold enough to put their image and identity on whatever they make... but in that 'im selling pseudo-sex, not because im sexy--just the opposite, so you know I relate' way.
Side note: i got an automated spam call survey yesterday*... it ot got to the 1st (of claimed 3) question.. which had a surprising amount of actual reiterations before looping... it was determined to get opinions(and totally incept the lemmings, soccer moms and politically ignorant into their stance, plus intense rage/disgust/dreams of standing on a soap box and fighting about this new issue they were totally unaware of.)... about this actively serving, politician's demand that china sell tiktok or totally stop allowing any operations/use on american soil... because of the heavily implied heinous nature of controlling and twisting society via media to it's explicitly declared communism... even directly called china, as a whole, communists, with impressive dramatics (and i coached public speaking hs and college kids then over a decade of business consulting, typically involving coaching vocals and implicit vocab)
I actually listened to it because it's what a typical subject, brought out of the koolaid fog, would view as ridiculously ironic(assuming they knew the actual, and therefore inherently ironic, def if irony... most dont. It's disturbing)... but it you have decent common sense, and dont emotionally view your entirety as wrong/broken/needing to be fixed in a cult-like manner, it's the oposite of irony. History of/and politics pull this crap all the time. It still works.
It reminds me of how my moniker, awesomeest, came about. In 3rd grade i realised that even adults, knowing they were chatting with an 8yr old, even if they knew/used the correct spelling of a, less common, term... if i misspelled it as if i thought it was right, theyd actually change their spelling to match (in perpetuity) albeit my vocab was easily high school level by then...likely at least in part to my flawless(aka blind/ignorant) demeanor of confidence that whatever i said/thought was totally correct, as a matter of fact. Not like the insecure ppl trying to prove something
I used to find it so comical... now it's just sad.
This bs automated political spam/manipulation is the modern version of i remember of kids farting in the late 90s... the culprit quickly accusing someone else of their offense, but even extra immature kids 25+ yrs ago figured that out... and even made the retort a catchy rhyme..."the one who smelt it, dealt it"
*i basically programmed in a counter attack/something akin to immature passive aggressive ' who"s really the one wasting the other's time and resources now?!? Ha!' ...odd numbers automatically go into a sort of echo chamber instead of ringing, with a manual escape to actually ringing/calling prompt built in.
I can listen in at any time without it having any effecf/sound too.
I'm curious if anyone participates in these minor acts of terrorism to complete an unrequested, intrusive, and human-less format of a proclaimed opinion poll? And if you do, are you honest? Why do you do it?
Annoyance at spam aside... the real victim I mentally mourn, and view it's method of demise akin to a cardinal sin (assuming religion...blah blah)... is the data! I <3 data... good, unobscured, not contrived, simple, pure, raw data... killed before its birth :'(
5 -
Also, science has proved that 100% of C programmers are sex offenders.
Ah, my stomach still hurts laughing at this.
You gotta love ostream, he's a funny dude.9 -
What's the difference between computers and sex?
In one you put the software in the hardware, in the other, the hardware in the software.3 -
In the USA, the country where same-sex marriages are legal, 65% of people do believe in a religion that explicitly states that gay people should be beaten to death with rocks.
Make up your mind. You're either pro-equality or you're a christian. You can't be both.8 -
I'm analyzing representatives in 20K Italian companies.
Every representative has two attributes:
* sex $RepresentativesSection.RepresentativeList.Representative.Individual.Sex
* birthLabelGenere
$RepresentativesSection.RepresentativeList.Representative.Individual.Birth.BirthLabelGenere
I made a query to find all representatives that has changed the sex.
Why I did this? Because I can.
It worked? No, the provider removed data of people that changed the sex.
I found only one person that has no BirthLabelGenere data
Fortunately it does not work, it's illegal in Italy store this kind of data
Why the hell the provider added this attribute?
RepresentativesSection.RepresentativeList.Representative.Individual.Birth.BirthLabelGenere
1 -
Can we please use a goddamn gym and relax and keep our stuff and be given a reason to be alive again ? Jesus
Like even just saying “these women here are working and have been forbidden what the rest get”‘would be a start
Sex is lifeblood and youth extension when it’s fulfilling with many and paired with healthy situations22 -
If someone blames a technology, then they are doing it wrong!!!
Its like someone saying "Sex is bad" only because they are doing it wrong!!5 -
I really am uncertain wtf they expected of people as a ticket to a time where everything continues and our lives are on track because other than getting laid alot there was an obvious hiatus from living an affluent lifestyle excepting where I stayed and who I had sex with heh
Seems like they always invent excuses to roll everything back -
Given that we went to an organized crime dumping grounds as a kid, he watched alot of mob movies and the place where he let me get hurt as a kid is sex trafficking central I would imagine my dad wanted me to be a criminal. poor him.
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Relevant now more than ever as we head to this horrible freeze of everything enjoyable to be replaced by warped and twisted trash spat out by a system of complex lies and perversity which aims at destroying the joys of natural and pedestrian perversity !
Only fans bans sex content !
https://mashable.com/article/...4
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