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Screw Emojis!!
Client asks how many days will it take to implement feature XYZ.
I say 3 days. But Skype had other plans.
23 -
When your boss asks you to debug some crappy legacy code and you need to bring in the heavy artillery
7 -
If Chuck Norris asks a duplicate question on StackOverflow, the original question is closed as a duplicate.14
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My mom walks in and asks what am I doing and I said hacking government files and she called the police thanks mom😑14
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When my colleague asks for help when debugging, I like to start of with setting a few breakpoints.
5 -
When you're creating new website and Chrome asks you if you want to translate the page from Latin.4
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Here's a funny joke
A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says "okay but only if you tell me a meta joke". So the man says a man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says "okay but only if you tell me a meta joke". So the man says man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender gives him a beer. The bartender gives him a beer. The bartender gives him a beer.7 -
Swear to god in going to pole drive the next person who asks if my watch is an Apple watch into the fucking ground...
29 -
Watching Netflix alone when gf asks if she can join, or preferrably inner join.
I love this girl to death 😍7 -
A Machine Learning algorithm walks into a bar.
The bartender asks, "What'll you have?"
The algorithm says, "What's everyone else having?"1 -
When you're just coding away in some Coffee Shop and some random guy/girl asks you
"are you trying to hack the wifi" smh12 -
Highschool:
Friend asks if he can copy homework, gets a no, steals it and copies anyway.
Uni:
Asks for help, I give a tip or 2, and say that it's on my Github if he wants to look at it. Replies "No thank you, I really want to get this myself".6 -
Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Can I get you anything?”
“Yeah,” reply the bytes. “Make us a double.”5 -
When a newb asks you 'what's the difference between git and github?' rhetorically ask them 'What's the difference between porn and pornhub?'8
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When on monday, a client asks you "WHY SOMETHING ISN'T FINISHED". Well, we don't work on weekends. Fuck off.3
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Life lesson learned:
If your girlfriend asks you what SO means, it's "Significant Other",
NOT StackOverflow.7 -
Fucking hate it when a website asks for feedback when I just fucking went to their homepage. Fuck you.2
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Q: Why always when Dora asks a question, it takes a while until she answers back?
A: Because she's an "Explorer"...
4 -
Friend of mine was annoying me by sending Facebook games invites... So I made a bot which gently asks him to subscribe to PewDiePie
14 -
In computing class - Teacher asks for disadvantages of open source.
"It may end up like Linux..." <I stopped listening after that>
>.>13 -
That awkward moment when during the breakfast your dad asks for a fork and you can't find him on github... 😁2
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Bob listens to his client...
Bob do what the client asks for...
Bob is a happy developer...
Be like Bob...
.
.
.
.
Said no one!5 -
Week 278: Most rage-inducing work experience — I’ve got a list saved! At least from the current circle of hell. I might post a few more under this tag later…
TicketA: Do this in locations a-e.
TicketB: Do this in locations e-h.
TicketC: Do this in locations i-k.
Root: There’s actually a-x, but okay. They’re all done.
Product: You didn’t address location e in ticket B! We can’t trust you to do your tickets right. Did you even test this?
Root: Did you check TicketA? It’s in TicketA.
Product guy: It was called out in TicketB! How did you miss it?!
Product guy: (Refuses to respond or speak to me, quite literally ever again.)
Product guy to everyone in private: Don’t trust Root. Don’t give her any tickets.
Product manager to boss: Root doesn’t complete her tickets! We can’t trust her. Don’t give her our tickets.
Product manager to TC: We can’t trust Root. Don’t give her our tickets.
TC: Nobody can trust you! Not even the execs! You need to rebuild your reputation.
Root: Asks coworker a simple question.
Root: Asks again.
Root: nudges them.
Root: Asks again.
Coworker: I’ll respond before tomorrow. (And doesn’t.)
Root: Asks again.
Root: Fine. I’ll figure it out in my own.
TC: Stop making it sound like you don’t have any support from the team!
Root: Asks four people about <feature> they all built.
Everyone: idk
Root: Okay, I’ll figure it out on my own.
TC: Stop making it sound like you don’t have any support from the team!
Root: Mentions multiple meetings to discuss ticket with <Person>.
TC: You called <Person> stupid and useless in front of the whole team! Go apologize!
Root: Tells TC something. Asks a simple question.
Root: Tells TC the same thing. Asks again.
TC: (No response for days.)
TC: Tells me the exact same thing publicly like it’s a revelation and I’m stupid for not knowing.
TC: You don’t communicate well!
Root: Asks who the end user of my ticket is.
Root: Asks Boss.
Root: Asks TC.
Root: Fine, I’ll build it for both.
Root: Asks again in PR.
TC: Derides; doesn’t answer.
Root: Asks again, clearly, with explanation.
TC: Copypastes the derision, still doesn’t answer.
Root: Asks boss.
Boss: Doesn’t answer.
Boss: You need to work on your communication skills.
Root: Mentions asking question about blocker to <Person> and not hearing back. Mentions following up later.
<Person>: Gets offended. Refuses to respond for weeks thereafter.
Root: Hey boss, there’s a ticket for a minor prod issue. Is that higher priority than my current ticket?
Root: Hey, should I switch tickets?
Root: Hey?
Root: … Okay, I’ll just keep on my current one.
Boss: You need to work on your priorities.
Everyone: (Endless circlejerking and drama and tattling)6 -
When she asks you to help her via TeamViewer but refuses to share her TeamViewer password cause you'll then be able to "hack" her.4
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When you group asks you to write some code to kick two people out of the team randomly.... and you are one of them :(
5 -
When someone asks you "how much do you charge to make a mobile app?" But never say what the app does!!6
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TFW someone tells you that you're not a "real frontend developer" and then repeatedly asks for CSS help... 😒3
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Ironically, the face I make when a project has no documentation is the same one I make when someone asks me to write documentation.
1 -
Ticket: Allow merchants to customize how their Wallet Passes look! It’ll be super easy, just add these nine merchant-modifiable strings (they support vars) and use their contents for text instead of what we use now. Simple!
Reality: There need to be 24 strings, there are some rules I can’t convey to the merchant (because the system literally does not include instructions, only a name and a textbox), the code to generate the wallet pass is inefficient, uncommented, branching spaghetti that I’ll need to rewrite (it seriously generates every possible field, and then only uses the ones it needs), the specs are so much worse, and half the default values they want aren’t even possible. As in, I don’t know if it’s a car loan, let alone the exact make and model of the bloody thing.
And no, sorry, we have no way of knowing what their fucking “vertical” is, either, so we can’t display that. Fucking sales.
Asdhkjfsjfads
WHY MUST EVERYTHING SUCK7 -
In a weekend release chatroom, the lead- working from WiFi in a bar- asks "What's the issue count?" But forgot the "o".4
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Every 20 minutes, the newcome colleague asks me a question to which he can get an answer by reading the language's tutorial.10
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Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Can I get you anything?”
“Yeah,” reply the bytes. “Make us a double.”1 -
Conversation with co-worker
Me: *Asks question 1*
Me: *Asks question 2*
Co-worker: *Answers only to question 2*
This happens way too often... Like, bruh... 😑7 -
When someone comes to your desk and asks "did you get my slack message".... Which they sent 23 seconds ago 😒4
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When the client asks you to build him a website "like" booking.com but his budget doesn't even pay a weekend on a cheap hotel...6
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Client asks why the site is down.
Very quick check shows they just haven't paid for their own domain.4 -
Fucking stupid bitch comes to me at 7 pm and asks an impossible task and after I clearly explain and say that I don't know how I gonna do it she asks it for early tomorrow...
Yeah, keep waiting...4 -
A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says "okay but only if you tell me a meta joke". So the man says a man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says "okay but only if you tell me a meta joke". So the man says a man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender gives him a beer. The bartender gives him a beer. The bartender gives him a beer.2
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When someone asks me what is programming, I usually say:
— That's something like assembling Lego, but you also get paid for it.3 -
Eight bytes walk into a bar.
The bartender asks, "Can I get you anything?"
"Yeah," reply the bytes.
"Make us a double."2 -
The day your boss tells you tests are some kind of self-satisfaction for developers and asks you to focus, to not introduce bugs.5
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When somebody asks you what IRC is and the only way you can explain it is 'It's like Slack, but before Slack.'1
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Sure you know this one:
* Mobile project with realtime notifications
* CEO asks for push implemented with own sockets instead of using firebase or gcm
* Spends loads of time of money and time
* Asks to dev why It costs so much
* Blames the dev for socket implementatiom2 -
Project manager asks why server is down. Reminded him that his team lead told me three months ago it was no longer needed.
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What would you answer if your IT support asks: "What do you use to connect to MongoDB, Internet Explorer or Chrome?"8
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A developer asks his friend for a loan: 'please give me 1000 $...'
Friend: sure, here, take 1024 so its round.3 -
When dev who insists on using their own vbox rather the officially maintained vagrant package asks you to debug a non-code issue...
2 -
I don't know what's wrong with my job..
-I am an opensource developer
-But my colleagues ask for ITIS issues
-My manager asks to interview 20 people in 2 hrs
- asks to prepare a KT schedule.
-Asks to attend few meetings
- And asks the status of the sprint task everyday
Typical managers 😣1 -
When a contractor that failed spectacularly on a project asks you to give them a recommendation on LinkedIn...
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Why is it that no one asks me for anything all day until 3 mins before I'm supposed to leave work?1
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In Russian we have two different word for “why”: the one asks for a purpose, the other one asks for a reason.
So you can not only distinguish between a purpose and a reason, but ask for either with just one word. Pretty efficient!8 -
Windows asks to update. I say no and 10min later i get this casual update continuing.
Glad i have a say in life
8 -
When your boss asks you if you know how to fix it and how long it is going to take.
Task Manager (not responding) -
The client asks me to do some task today.
After I successfully submitted the compiled task, client asks, but do we really need this thing?
I was like, -_-
We all have been there, haven't we?3 -
when a project manager asks for an effort calculation due to changed requirements, but the calculation itself takes longer than the implementation would...
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Started my CS degree, first term in. My uncle asks asks me to but "watchers" on my cousins' computers so that he can make sure they are not doing anything "bad'".... Then he wants me to put one on my aunt's Facebook.... Creepiest weekend ever.3
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Maybe not a new rant but: When someone asks you for a feature and always says "its easy and simple" ... Yeah right... 😡2
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Guy on Facebook: *asks a simple question*
Me: *crams an entire bachelors degree into a single comment*3 -
When an intern asks if it is your first time using python, but I have been using it for years now. feelsbadman.jpg1
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Clients get mad when you asks for more money for the website, but "hey, can you implement this function too??:)"2
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Friend asks you to hack another friend's Instagram "cause you know how to code, right" == bad.
Friend asks you to hack their own Instagram cause they forgot their password == bad++1 -
Pretty much how I feel as a software developer when someone asks me why their printer doesn't work. 😂
8 -
My manager tracks progress and issues using Excel.
Asks everyone in the team to put feedback on Trello.
I can't even..... WTF -
Ranting about the guy on DevRant.
Business Guy asks me what app I'm using.
Open Midget Porn instead.
If he found out, I'm fucked.4 -
At Italian lesson: The professor asks me "What is a sentence?" I answer "it's a CharSequence". He looked me very badly
-
Every time I'm organizing a beginner level programing workshop with a especific language, someone asks if we'll get to use Arduino with it.2
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When the PO asks for a last second code change right before the sprint review, and now it's your turn to demo
1 -
When you're using any Android or Windows phone and passerby asks "Is that an iPhone? That looks like an iPhone".
😒4 -
It's not always certain whether we do a morning standup, so usually someone asks "su?" in our Slack chat around 9:15
I'm _so_ tempted to send the flag of the Soviet Union every time someone asks that.5 -
My brain goes into infinite loop when an Interviewer asks, what was the hardest thing you did at your job?2
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>Tries to uninstall old version of Visual Studio
>Uninstaller asks to update Visual Studio to continue
... Oh... Uh... That... Doesn't... Make sense? Gee... Thanks?3 -
Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Can I get you anything?”
“Yeah,” reply the bytes. “Make us a doubl3 -
Me: *asks for sample data for all tables to test database transactions*
Team member: *gives over 45000 records only for city*
🤔 😐 -
me: something wrong here, this should work
*asks teacher to help*
*looks at the code*
teacher: google it
gee thanks XD2 -
A client asks me to produce a Release note when publishing a new version, which is more than fair ask, I shall deliver.
Then he asks me questions on the version's feature which are clearly described in the release note, with examples, showing he did not bother to read it..............
...
2 -
Writing some software for a school while sitting in their support-department.
A teacher comes in and asks if we can find the email adress or facebook of a woman he met on vacation because he wants to send her something.
Someone asks: 'what do you want to send her?'
A two second long silence followed...
Everyone starts laughing.
Teachers... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯1 -
Colleague asks for help setting up deployment job. Tells me he has tried everything. Has no less than 5 typos.
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If a frontend dev asks for screens, mocks, designs or whatever, all the company pushes for it and gives it to them, but if a backend dev asks for a set of input/output samples for a feature, the same people claim "its so hard to think about the cases"... Wtf are they thinking?3
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That great feeling you get when your teacher asks you some things about RegEx and you know fucking everything!2
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I wonder why, Every now and then, some non-dev friend asks me, "Hey can you hack this Facebook ID for me..." :/ ............2
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When client asks for stupid changes, its easier to make changes than to explan why you think it's stupid.3
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Co-worker that is awesome at copying and pasting and later asks for help cause something doesn't work.3
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The feeling you get when client is happy and appreciate your work and just asks for the mode of payment accepted?3
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I always choose light theme in all my IDEs and unable to answer whenever some one asks why. Mind to share some of yours?9
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The best parts of day are meetings with my boss. Meetings where said boss is always late, and inevitably asks "is it time"!
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When someone asks to borrow your brand new, unused, dry erase marker, and then they use it to write all over a cardboard box2
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What kind of a shitty interviewer asks Fibonacci series as the only one question in the last round ?6
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Jonas: *obliterates that ++ button”
Drake: Kiki am I a joke to you?
Everybody asks where’s Kiki but nobody asks how’s Kiki.
8 -
Boss comes, asks that I make a function in the site. Tell him it's impossible / forbidden, he says okay and goes back. Comes back a week later, asks for the exact same function he asked earlier.
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Does delete account in devrant asks for confirmation of delete account or just deletes the account without any confirmation?8
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Colleague from technical department asks if I can make Turkish language available in our software.
I say "Sure, but I need Turkish translations first."
Colleague then asks me if I can implement Russian version as English instead, but using Russian.
"Uhm, what?! I mean ... what?!"3 -
Just now:
Windows asks me to schedule a time for updates
I schedule a time
Windows asks me again
I deny because I already set it
While I'm debugging and about to finish, windows restarts -
Boss always asks how long it will takes to fix a production bug. I just say 2 hours no matter what.1
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Ahhh, When the apprentice asks you to have a look at a bug and they haven't even attempted to fix it themselves.4
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"rant"
client asks for something he says it has never been done before then insists in getting a deadline to finish it1 -
I am happy that my gf has started taking programming seriously
And I get super happy when she asks me small doubts
-
Someone in my family has a problem with their computer, and asks me to fix it.
Me: *sigh* "Let me Google that for you!"1 -
When your computer science teacher asks to write the psedo code and flow chart first, instead of just coding the program. That frustration!!!!9
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when you're already at the verge of getting the right code when suddenly your teammate asks you what you want to eat for lunch...
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A DHCP packet walks into a bar and asks for a beer. Bartender says, "here, but I’ll need that back in an hour!"
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You all enjoying and excited being coding until someone asks you to test your code and care about code quality6
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that moment when you comment ''wtf'' on your mom's post without realizing and don't notice until she asks you about it3
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First you code, than manger asks you to prepare a ppt to explain it to non tech people.
Suck in demands.2 -
When a designer walks into your office and asks you to turn on a feature that is not ready for production...1
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If interviewer asks me difference between abstract class and interface,what he is really expecting? Can anyone give real life example other than coding.6
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There are different level of person who asks for help on linkedin and worst of them are who asks for whatsapp number.3
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there's that co-worker who asks for help but doesn't accept any suggestions. so, what are we doing?1
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The feeling of evil satisfaction when your boss asks you to build a killswitch into a client's project.
Just call me Zero Cool.4 -
When my friend asks me, what language I use (javascript) only to say, that he saw a java position yesterday, am I interested.2
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MANAGER FOLISH:
frontend devel asks wher's our graphics designer. he get sick as fuck. and manager noticed some bullshit we where talking about that...
I am team leader and python backend devel. Manager asked me: hey, how's graphic for backend going? Didn't you asks where's graphic designer? I hope you handle that...
😁😁 fuuuuu 😁2 -
A DHCP packet walks into a bar and asks for a beer. Bartender says, "here, but I’ll need that back in an hour!"1
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Where should i go to get started with some sort of testing for my expressjs apps ?
I'm a complete testing noob1 -
Client request of the day:
Client asks to omit data based on lack of X.
...
Client asks to preload all data with X.1 -
Whenever someone asks me if I am afraid of snakes, I get confused if he is talking about reptiles or Python.2
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Me: *Asks for help with functionality they added and I have just started working on yesterday*
Them: "Just debug it" -
What does it mean when a company asks: “are you authorised to work lawfully for $company in the country this position is based in?”
Does it mean if you have work permit or what?
Below this question, they also asks if the candidate will also need visa sponsorship.4 -
Whenever somebody asks my team to forge results , benchmarks ...
http://nbcnews.com/business/autos/...
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