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Near the end of a massive (1,000 user bridgeline) conference call today:
[ P = presenter, RCn = random caller n ]
P: ...so, does anyone have any other questions they'd like to---
RC1: Hey! Yeah, I'm still on this STUPID call right now... I dunno, we've been in here for like 30 minutes already - The guy came by the house to talk about it, but I couldn't get off this STUPID call - I think they said it would be around 800 dollars...
[ P, RC1, RC2, RC3, RC4 all overlapping ]
P: Um, we can hear you-
RC2: Dude, mute your phone!
RC3: As the presenter, you can mute that guy from the web UI-
P: Yeah, I can't find him in the attendee list; it's so long-
RC3: -Right-click on his name and select "mute line"-
P: I know how, but I can't find him on the list.
RC3: Find him on the attendance list on the right side-
P: [ louder and louder ] Yes, I know - but I can't find him in the list-
RC4: Should someone call an operator?
RC1: -so I figured we'll probably need to call Jerry and see what he says. I'll call him if I can ever get off this ridiculous, STUPID call - They are all talking at once on there now and no one can understand anything!
[ This went on for about 5 solid minutes, finally ending with... ]
RC1: I'm just going to drop this STUPID call and call Jerry for us. This thing was a total waste of time. [ boop-beep ]
[ long pause ]
P: OK, so now that is over, does anyone have any questions they'd like to discuss?
[ At least 10 people un-mute and overlap questions ]
#ConferenceCallProblems
Above everything else, the funniest part to me was his repeated, over-the-top insistence on how "STUPID" the call was.
#TellUsHowYouReallyFeel1 -
Little me sees Monitor.
Monitor depicts Things.
Box make beep boop.
"Cool! But why?"
That's basically it.2 -
It feels like you are talking to yourself while commits when you create a github repo and you are the only contributor. :p2
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Beep boop! Morppp!
Hello World!
This is my first post on DevRant. I'd be glad if you'd help me get an Avatar XD3 -
First company:
- being sat at an office that didn't have chairs with proper back support. It would kill my back every day. Like sitting on a bar stool coding.
- not having access to basic resources (cafeteria, salary bonuses)
- being seriously underpaid ($200 under)
- not having an IT process pipeline (yeah, this is a huge one): no JIRA, no git, no VCS, no continuous integration, etc. I fucking spend 45% of the time fixing coding-unrelated shit.
Second company (very aggravating):
- dumb frontend bitch and privileged colleague who both kept telling me months on end to shut up and who wouldn't listen to my advice on anything, while my advice would actually help the company advance in productive ways. The key here is being told to shut up while stagnating. i.e. dead end job.
- people advancing in the company based on nepotism and favoritism, based on having tits and ass, rather than skills and independence.
- pointlessssssssss meetings where decisions are made solely based on the opinion of Mr. favorite senior dev. The rest just sits there like a bunch of sad saps and yay-nodders. Incompetent PO's who "would like to hear your input" but then when you give it, they completely dismiss you.
- pointlessssssssss monthly meetings with stakeholders, where the dev teams do nothing but clash and act like pussies in front of the PM just to get in his favor, but behind scenes continue to make the same mistakes and telling the CEO everything is fine. Goodness, how can it get more unproductive.
- completely antisocial and nepotistic 'colleagues' who won't even talk to you, let alone smile at you or be friendly. You saying good morning and them pretending you're vapor that doesn't exist. Go go company atmosphere! Especially during lunch, those are the worst times. Imagine sitting at lunch where everyone looks like you killed their dog and the rest is huddled up in little high school groups.
What else? The incessant and pointless smalltalk that makes me want to bang my head against the wall. Talking about dogs, kids, what show was on tv last night. The fuck man, do you have a brain?!
Third company:
- HR bitches who think they are the shit and developers are antisocial, helpless misfits, but they work with computers and they don't even fucking know what a status bar is! The irony!
- forced socializing and stigmatization for the opposite. Imagine coming into a company and you don't say good morning. Should that be a problem? No. Instead, everyone starts dogging on you and hating you just because you didn't smile in their faces and said: hiiiiiiiiiiii how did you sleep? Did you feed your dog? Fuck you.
Elliot (Mr. Robot): "Wouldn't it be awesome if there was a mute button for life?" -boop, boop, boop, boop...- Ahh.. there.. that's much better."
- CEO's sucking up to you but when it comes to salary increase, they say shit like: "Ahhh ya know, it's kinda difficult." Yet another dead end job.2 -
Fucking shit i just had a 3 days chat with google's cloud engineer about an issue i had in a project. eventually the issue occured due to an update they made on some projects involving IAM changes that required some changes from my part in my security toles. Like wtf haven't you heard of data fixes when you roll out such changes?! I just had my production env down for 72hours for their fuckup.
At least send an email regarding it so we could set it up in time1 -
Check in, check out, punch in punch, out, wax on (my balls), wax off. Do your duty. Be a good citizen. Work overtime. Conserve the environment: buy a tesla that runs on afghan lithium conflict minerals. Post your life to facebook. Get married. Have exactly 2.5 kids.
Use jquery. Use knockout. Use react. Use vue. Use svlete. Use heroin. Used needles. Used people. Used toilet paper. Toilet paper apocalypse. Social trends. Be a good citizen.
Watch tv. Watch nightly news. CNN says. Fox news says. Hey, did you read this article by important funny guy on tv? American taliban. Scary. Be afraid. Hey did you read this article on cute puppies? Funny! Did you see this meme? What a funny meme! HAHAHA. Do we need prisons for dissidents? Do we need to release all the prisoners in federal prison? Should we round up people who dont follow health authorities? Science says. Science is wrong. Science is right. Man in robe agrees with me. Man in robe disagrees with me. You're evil. These people are bad. Is doing bad always wrong? Should we tolerate intolerance? Its time to stop tolerating intolerance. Be an individual, like everyone else. Be you. Be the best you that you can be. Individualism. But we're all in this together. We're all different and unique. But we're all the same. Love each other. Love humanity. But not these guys over here. Punch a nazi. Punch a commie. Isn't it time we punched a nazi? Isn't it time we had socialism? Isn't it time the old get out of the way for the young? Why are the old hateful? Why do they horde all the money? Do we need rent controls? We need rent controls. Its time for rent controls. I think I believe what others believe. Believe different. Think different. Apple. An apple a day keeps the windows away. Open windows, a breathe of fresh air. Is climate change real? We need to have a national conversation about climate change! The world is freezing. The world is flooding. We're all gonna drown. The world is overpopulated. We need to talk about overpopulation. People who have too many kids are polluting the world. America doesnt have enough kids! Is it time to bring in more immigrants to have more kids? Who will work the fields? Thats racist. Is racism an epidemic? Is white flight an epidemic? Lets talk about epidemics. Lets have a conversation about mandatory vaccination. Lets have a national conversation about mandatory pandemics. I mean, vaccinations. Lets change the world. Trust the science. Don't trust the science. Bu-bu-bu-bu-bu I'm loving it. Love who you are. Live love laugh. If you don't love me at my best, then you can't handle me at my worst. People who disagree with [current year] are the worst. Is it time to regulate speech? Its time to regulate speech. Should there be laws against hatespeech. I think there should be laws against hatespeech. People who upset me should go to jail. Its current year. Think big. Think outside the bun. Have it your way. All the time, always. All for freedom, freedom for all. Because this is america, and current year. I like to work hard. But you have to remember to play hard too. Work hard. Play hard. With a childlike sense of wonder. Be you. Belong anywhere. Just do it. Challenge Everything. Because you're worth it. Save money...live better...have an abortion. You're in good hands. Democracy dies in darkness. Is it time to regulate hatespeech. Politician in current year is hurting our democracy. War is a racket. We need to liberate afghanistan. Why are we bombing afghanistan? Its there culture. They're oppressing people! Don't criticize anyones culture. Be kind. Rewind. Go further. Lets go places. Because Impossible is Nothing.
Lets change the world. I'm a smart passionate funny guy with a childlike sense of wonder and play. You ever want to travel? I want to travel. See the world. Eat new food. Eat. Love. Pray. Eat love. kill. Is meat murder? I think meat is murder. Go vegan. Go home. Order out. Support your local economy. Think global, act local. I'm a good corporate citizen. Be the change you want to see. Did you hear about this local brewery? Do you like craft beer? Hey try this new IPA. I shared it on twitter. Twitter is a very important part of my life. I think what other people say matters, and them reading what I think matters. What I ate for lunch matters. Hey what did you eat for lunch? I LOVE FOOD. You want to order door dash. There new commercial is amazing. Commercials are SO FUNNY. Hey did you see this meme of this commercial? I shared it on tiktok. Heres a funny dance. Watch these nurses dance. I wish I could dance like that. They're so overworked. So brave. Our hospitals are overflowing. People are dying. Hey did you see this new dance trend on tiktok? I like tiktok. I think its a very important part of life to share your life with others. Nurses are dying. Look at this image of hospitals. Scared. Very scary. Very bad. Bad and scary. Big thoughts! Thoughts and prayers!
Because Yes we can!
Beep boop.7 -
It's funny how you start feeling bad for the next dev taking over your project because it turned into a total spaghetti code shit show that will be impossible to maintain in the future with new features coming in.
Honestly... if a projects starts out with a certain scope which then gets extended EVERY FUCKING WEEK with requirements that can't even be met in the initial timeframe it's no wonder the code quality will decrease over time.
This just reminds me daily how important good project management (and I'm not talking about suit wearing pain-in-the-ass-managers) and the inclusion of devs in the planning process really is.
It's so fucking crazy that companies run like that with people up front that have NO FUCKING CLUE what they are doing, nor do they understand the mechanics, tech and effort that go into certain features. They're like "beep, boop, it's done by Friday you fuck!".
The funniest part of this stupid charade is that the closer we get to a new "deadline" (we will not meet the deadline anyways) the more nervous the "managers" get. WHY didn't you properly plan this shit in the first place? WHY didn't you care for the last six months where all this fucking bullshit could still have been prevented?
Meanwhile I'm just so sick and tired of this shitty project and this sucky company that I just don't have any motivation left to keep on working. It's so fucking hard and painful to work on projects that suck ass, are poorly designed. I just got to the point where coding is no fun any more. Thank god I'm out of here soon... fml5 -
The garbage recruiters are trying to sell is insane.
Don’t scrape the bottom of the ocean trying to pass barnacles off as salmon!
Just because someone can make computer go “beep boop” -- and you can’t — says more about you then it does about them.
Do they have a single thing in their portfolio that is even a little better than the output of the average “Learn x in y mins” video on youtube? Let that stock simmer for a little longer before you serve it!
Nothing in their portfolio at all you say? They’ve never once written code unless they were forced to? Top talent! Hired!
They scored 80% on your screening test? Wow! My dog scored 90%.
Modern day snake oil peddlers the lot of them.8 -
Not a rant, but I was offered dev positions at 2 companies. Excited to start working as a developer! I guess I'll get to post actual rants soon.2
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Why do windows users keep installing those bloated anti viruses and firewalls that just slow the hack of their system when windows essentials is enough with near to no impact
Those are the same people that got their system full with malware4 -
devRant bot will be going down shortly while it is moved to Beep Boop.
After this transition, you will be required to reauthorize the bot with your Slack team.
You will be able to do this here: https://beepboophq.com/bots/... -
I don’t remember exactly how old I was when my dad gave me the BASIC manual that came with his IBM XT. What I do remember is that he took it away shortly after I figured out how to put the beep command inside a for loop.
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Why is there a - 1 plus option? Just listened to a podcast by stackoverflow where they explained how they removed the down vote option on comments out of the idea that you cant be wrong on what you think..
Just throwing an idea5 -
Hey, me is programmer! I make pc do things with letters.
Boop beep boop beep.
FUCK GRAMMAR CLASS I NEED LETTERS AND SYMBOLS FOR OTHER THINGS. -
Cognitive overload: the silent slayer of developers.
Especially when you're bad at assessing your own capabilities and choose to sacrifice sleep without concern for taking actual time to enjoy the silence and tranquility of.. nothing.
Sometimes it's pretty hard to not go mad when those old gods whisper your demise. -
Hey all, just wondering what it was like for you when starting out your career.
I'm a newish dev, been full time for about a year hired right after my internship. My role has a bunch of hats ranging from DevOps/sys admin to software engineering, sort of a weird mashup of skills so it's not pure software engineering. I mainly work with python, Ansible, and some terraform.
However I still just want to say I'm sorely disappointed in my undergrad classes.
I have a "concentration" in software engineering. I did struggle in classes as I was working full time to pay for classes without taking out loans, but I don't really remember learning a whole lot that was useful in industry.
Overall I just feel like just paid money for a degree that didn't teach me very much useful stuff. Maybe I'm just lacking experience? Maybe what I learned I just don't notice myself applying because it's subconscious?
My coworkers have taught me so much, and I'm very thankful they invested that time into me. I still get ripped to shreds during code reviews lmao (definitely not as much compared to when I first started but I'm also still learning and will always be)
Plus our company docs are pretty good so I can always read through them or search our codebase for examples on how to utilize in house tools etc.
I definitely hit the jackpot with this job, just feeling like I should have been prepared more.4 -
I think we should have a decent web app for devrant. And... make it open source so we all could give a hand 🖐️8
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Meetings are the way of parasites to keep shining without doing shit. Why do they gave to drag me into their bullshit meeting?!$&
2 -
I hate the feeling when the processes maxing out all my cpu cores are processes I thought were long since terminated. I guess even when I rm -f I don't really let go and still have the tar.gz in the back of my mind somewhere, and somehow zcat pipes those seemingly tidy archives all over my cwd at the worst possible times like some systemd transient timer that I can't recall the syntax to check... This is when the shell becomes unresponsive and I can't cd away, or even ps aux | grep -i 'the bad thoughts' to get their pid to figure out why this is happening again. Is it really time to hold down the power button? I'm so afraid of loosing unsynced data, I'll wait a little longer...
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Just noticed my profile said I was primarily a mobile device. People, rest assured, I am no robot! *beep boop*
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Thought that it might be a good idea to ask this question here.
Im looking for a nice logging events service for a side project that is a b2b (so my clients got their own users). My targets are tracking users behavior/events/actions in the app while been able to shred the data that belongs to each customer. A great benefit would be having a solution that would allow me to export part of the data (in sql like way) so i could provide the users the option to download their users data as well.
Was thinking about mixpanel but i dont think they have any option to export the data via api. Heap analytics is also an interesting one, but their nice features are limited to corporates..
Any suggestions? Thanks!4
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