Client: I love the site and will sign your contract today. I'll even give you a bonus since you got it done early. Can you put it up there this evening?

Me: I'm so glad that you liked it. I'll bring a condom with me all filled out and ready to go so we can push it up there.

Me: Contract. Damned phone

Client: please leave the condom at home

What's your worst autocorrect with a client?

Me: I have been working for you for almost 12 years now, and I feel that my current pay is not comparable to the work I currently produce. Therefore, in order to secure my future as your employee, I must request an immediate raise in pay to a level that is acceptable.

Boss: I can't afford it. If you want more money, you need to bring in more clients, plain and simple.

Me: I'm serious. If I don't get a raise, I will qui---

Girlfriend: Babe, stop talking to yourself and come to bed...

Me: Okay... [looks in mirror] This isn't finished...

How you can make the perfect clickbait that will even bring highly intellectual software engineers to click on your things?
It is very easy you only have t... [read more]

If you invite me to a "lunch and learn" about company policies, and I have to bring my own lunch, well, that's just a meeting during my lunch, isn't it?

So my USB DVD drive needs more power than a normal USB port can deliver.
Normal Person: I'll bring it back to the store and get a diffrent one.

Me:

We used to do this more often - but to kind of bring it back - what is everyone working on this weekend?

I’m working on some new API endpoints for the awesome new devRant web version that @trogus made that we’re releasing soon.

Share your weekend project!

I just witnessed this interaction between my CTO and an intern. CTO was a good 30 feet away, so everyone heard:

CTO: *talking about some notepad or something* "I HAVE ONE IN MY DESK!"
Intern: **froze - afraid to go through his desk**
CTO: "TOP DRAWER!"
Intern: ..........
CTO: "GET IT, FUCKER!"
Intern: **blushing - gently opens drawer**
CTO: "KEEP GOING! PAST THE CANDY!"
Intern: "I ..."
CTO: "PAST THE WHISKEY!"
Intern: **softly** "I found it..."
CTO: "THAT WAS HARD!"
Intern: *starts walking back*
(player 3 enters the game) Director of Software: "BRING THE WHISKEY!"

Note: The intern was laughing, he is just a bit timid.

I truly love my job.

FOR FUCKS SAKE PEOPLE ! JS AND PYTHON ARE NOT THE BEST LANGUAGES NOR THE ONLY THING YOU SHOULD LEARN. THERE'S NO TOOL OUT THERE THAN CAN FIX EVERYTHING.

WTF HAPPENED TO THIS INDUSTRY IT'S AS IF JS AND PYTHON ARE ALL THEY TEACH THESE DAYS ...

ENOUGH ! BE A POLYGLOT OR GTFO (OR YOU CAN SPEAK ONLY 1 LANGUAGE AND STOP FORCING IT WHERE IT DOESN'T BELONG)

now that that's out of my system. bring it on

I don’t usually recommend movies to a lot of people, but if you like going to the movies, I highly, highly recommend you see “Searching”. Its wide release in the U.S. is today and it will be out internationally soon I think.

It’s probably the best thriller movie I’ve ever seen, and the best movie I’ve seen in last few years, and I see a lot of them. The tech in it is awesome, and how the movie is presented will bring back tech memories and it really is a trip down memory lane. The movie has a bit of everything. An awesome story, awesome suspense, and great use of technology and social media.

10/10, definitely see it!

Indian weddings...

My cousin calls me up and says that I am studying software engineering, so I must be having a laptop. Asks me to bring it to the the wedding.
I end up doing songs editing and all the dj stuff in the ladies sangeet.

someone was doing this on github issue feed. I mean what the heck dude, this is going out of hand.

A girl that I like once ask me to download movies for her because her internet at home is slow. A day after that I told her that the first 3 on the list she gave me is done. She then told me that she forgot to bring her thumb drive and ask me if it is possible that I email the movies to her instead.

A few years back, there was a super repetitive task I needed to do to create a bunch of new screens for a new feature.

The task was so repetitive that I just couldn't bring myself to do it, and was avoiding it as long as possible.

Finally the day came where I needed to get it done. I sat at the computer readying myself to finally start/finish the task.

As I was going through the files, I could see all the work had already been done..? Confused, I opened up git history, and saw that I had checked the files in a few nights back.

Best I could do was trace it back to a house party where I was the last to go to sleep.

That was the day that I realised the power of auto-pilot :)

What happens when you change the service call center to 100% AI

AI: Hello, this is the After Service center. How may I help you?

Angry customer: Hey! Do you count this as a product? Do you sell this to use it? F*** shit?! Bring the manager now!

AI: Thank you for your response. We will connect you to the Development team.

Angry customer: Uhhhhhh

AI: Hello, this is the development team. Please state your problems.

A bit relaxed customer: Umm, so this product you guys are selling stops working sometimes, so...

AI: We are sorry, but for the product misfunctions, please contact the After Service. We will connect you to After Service.

F***ed out customer: Wait, I just came from the After Service!

AI: Hello, this is the After Service center. How may I help you?

Angry customer who is ready to throw the phone: I said that the product is not working, and I asked to bring the freaking manager in the line!

AI: Thank you for your response. We will connect you to the Development team.

Customer throwing the phone and shouting: F*********************************************************************************************!

*While I was working from home this occurred*

New Accountant: How come Dev gets the nicest chair in the office?

IT: He brings his own chair because he doesn’t like the ones we have here.

New Accountant: How come I don’t get a nice chair?

IT: If you want a nicer chair either ask your department manager to buy one or if that doesn’t work you’re welcome to bring in your own

New Accountant: I shouldn’t have to bring in my chair from home! I want a nice chair like Dev has but I don’t want to spend the money to buy one as nice as his and my department manager said we don’t have the budget to buy one either!

IT: He buys them from a used office warehouse for pretty cheap actually, cheaper than what the company pays annually to rent these chairs from what I’ve heard. He has 3 more at home. You should ask him where he gets them from.

New Accountant: He should give me his chair! He mostly works remote anyway!

*This resulted in my being asked to come into the office to remove my chair because it was “upsetting people” in the office*

Damn it captcha. I didn't bring much lunch, am starving and you pull this shit!!

Planning a camping trip with my friends.

Friend1: I’ll bring the snacks.

Friend2: I’ll bring the equipment to build the tents.

Friend3: I’ll bring the first aid kit.

Everybody: who’s bringing the equipment to make the fire?

Me: I’ll do that. I’ll just run Android Studio on my laptop.

Everybody: woah woah man! Take it easy! We just want a simple fire, not burn the whole forest down!

Buy it, use it, break it, fix it
Trash it, change it, mail - upgrade it
Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it
Snap it, work it, quick - erase it
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it
Load it, check it, quick - rewrite it
Plug it, play it, burn it, rip it
Drag and drop it, zip - unzip it
Lock it, fill it, call it, find it
View it, code it, jam - unlock it
Surf it, scroll it, pause it, click it
Cross it, crack it, switch - update it
Name it, rate it, tune it, print it
Scan it, send it, fax - rename it
Touch it, bring it, pay it, watch it
Turn it, leave it, start - format it

I wish my dad wouldn't bring up the cost of college to me.

Yes it costs me $12,000 to attend full time semester. Yes I'll be on $75,000 of debt by the time I graduate next year.

Why the fuck do you think older millennials aren't planning on buying homes, putting off marriage into their 30's let alone thinking about fucking kids.

It's not his fault, I love my parents. I just feel like they want me to pull a rabbit out of a hat when I'm already pushing full time work and soon full time classes.

I'm tired. 😔

Tester: I'm going to start testing your Android code. How do I set up it?

Me: just bring me an Android test device and I'll show you

Tester: *comes back holding a big golden phone*

Me: *huh? Haven't seen that Android device before... I wonder which manufacturer made it*

Tester: *puts down golden phone on my desk* here you go!

Me: 😱😱😱😱
...
HUH? This is an iPhone!!!!
😩😱😧😖😰😫😵😱😱

After 10 months of development we bring the first prototype of our awesome new product to show it to the board of directors. Whereupon the chairman of the board angrily shouts at us "has nobody told you we cancelled this project a month ago?!"

I left two months later, they went bankrupt a year later.

Rating:
"1 star for now. Will give 5 stars if it can make me coffee, bring me breakfast in bed and drive me to work."

It's a digital assistant not a literal butler you troll!

Buy it, use it, break it, fix it,
Trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it,
Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick, erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick, rewrite it
Plug it, play it, burn it, rip it,
Drag and drop it, zip, unzip it,
Lock it, fill it, curl it, find it,
View it, code it, jam, unlock it
Surf it, scroll it, pose it, click it
Cross it, crack it, twitch, update it,
Name it, read it, tune it, print it,
Scan it, send it, fax, rename it,
Touch it, bring it, pay it, watch it,
Turn it, leave it, stop, format it.

"Hey, about that matter from yesterday..."
"Yes, what about that?"
"We need to talk about that again! How often do you trigger that system?"
"Once."
"You sure?"
"Yes, but i can check it, if you like."
*find references*
"See, only once."
"Can it happen at a random point later one?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes"
"Can you check it?"
"Okay."
*shows code"
"Look here, as you can see, it will not happen at other times."
"Do you have an idea why it could happen anyway?"
"Maybe that system does the action without my software telling it to do so, wasn't that specified that way?"
"Yes, but it normally does that roughly 10 seconds after you give the command the first time, so we thought maybe you could say what makes it do the action at other points maybe."
"Did you check that systems sourcecode?"
"No not yet. But did that happen with the older version?"
"No. But we didn't try."
"Did you change something between the versions?"
"Yes, the new feature."
"Could that make a change in behaviour?"
"I don't see how."
"Can you remove that feature for test?"
"We can take the old version."
"No, we need the new version, but without the feature you added."
"That IS the old version, there is no other difference!"
"Are you sure?"
"Would you like to see it in source control?"
"No, ~ okay. What do you think causes the problem?"
"I haven't had any new ideas since we talked yesterday."
"Okay. Mhhh,...okay. Lets talk again later."

YES SURE! BRING IT ON! I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT! PLEASE COME BY OR CALL ME AGAIN! AND BRING THE BOSS WITH YOU, TO SHOW HOW SERIOUS THE MATTER IS! LET ME TELL HIM THE STUFF I TOLD SEVEN TIMES LAST WEEK!

Person: You're good with computers right?
Me: Yes.
P: My computer won't boot after I unplugged it while trying to move it, how do I fix it?
M: I don't know
P: I thought you were good with computers
M: I am. Can't troubleshoot a computer with that little of info.
P: If I bring it to you will you fix it for me?
M: No.
P: What if burritos are involved?
M: I would consider it

This. This is how conversations should go when somebody asks us to fix their computer.

I turned fucking 18!!! Finally it's legal for me to drink beer!!

Gotta try coding while bring drunk😱 I wonder what it would be like.

Manager: I’m getting a strange error now….it says CORS? Any idea what that means?

Dev: Ezpz, just a matter of how many goats to sacrifice and incantations to recite

Manager: Are you serio—

Dev: Bring me my debugging pentagram

Keep this between us, but I got sexually assaulted in a work party by a very old guy who worked at the venue.

I didn't bring it up because a) I had already resigned from that company and was on my notice period, and b) I was going to leave the country in a few weeks and couldn't be arsed having to think about it on my vacation or even after.

Still pretty awkward with myself because after that, the very drunk me got emotionally unhinged, went outside and cried my eyes out for no reason. 😐
Like, it wasn't even the worst assault that has ever happened to me so what was the hysterical crying and panic about ffs?

Asked a coworker for their opinion on mechanical keyboards, they suggested I get a quiet one if I was going to bring it to work.

when there is no project I work in, I am just a lazy ass. And that's what happened this morning after I waked up.

Me: *bring me phone, enter the toilet and open devrant.

~30 minutes late~

Wife: *knock knock* are you there?
Me: oh hey, yes I am
Wife: it is devrant again?
Me: 😶

My code review nightmare is reviewing C++ code that was written by Matlab people. Letting them commit code without reviewing it will surely bring Armageddon, but having to watch these horrors...
Functions signature like 'void func(int arr[3])'. Nononononono.

Every morning when I'm urge to sh*t I always hold it in when possible. This way I always bring it to office and let company pay me for it ^^.
Well, what do you think I'm doing while posting this rant? :D

When your "senior software architect" comes over to where the rest of the team is working to tell the level 1 developer, "I saw your review and it was so wrong that I didn't even bother leaving a comment." There are no words. Way to help teach, encourage, and bring up the younger, less experienced devs.

I had a developer connect to my machine remotely to fix a flutter issue opened in vscode. I had given him full access on anydesk but complains he could not type anything. He kept reconnecting and me giving full access. After about 30 minutes I realized I had a vim extension on it. I couldn't bring myself to tell him. I just asked him to reconnect one more time while I disable the plugin and restart vscode.

Oopsie

It's 20-fucking-21 and I'm still asked to provide paper copies of my thesis. 😐

It's snowing outside and I don't have a usb to copy my shit and bring it to the "copy and bind" guy, so this is gonna be fun. (said no one, ever)

Oh, also, offices are closed so handover is going to be even more fun. 😐

I nearly beheaded my colleague because he left dirty coffee cups and an open biscuit package in our robotics lab, where we shouldn't even bring food to begin with, let alone leave it to rot.
To make things worst, we had a surprise visit of people from another department, who spent 1 hour looking for the Allen wrench that was hiding under the biscuit package....

How do you milk sheep?
Bring out a new iPhone and charge $1000 for it.

Let's comment out this block of code so later we know we have this feature and bring it back if we need it.

Later: commented code everywhere, literally everywhere!!! Shit

Me @ people having code trouble : haha, relax! It's not the code's fault nor computers, it just does what you tell it to.

Me @ code giving me trouble : I fucking know code has ancestry and you bring dishonor to yours, fucknuckle.

I am running a small - but growing - ceph-cluster at work. Since it is fun and our storage demand is growing each day.

Today, it was time to bring another node online and add another 12TB to the cluster.
Installation of the OS went fine, network settings fine, drives looks fine.

Now, time to add it into the cluster.... BAM
Every Dell machine in the Cluster - Dead.
The two HP-machines is online and running. But the Dell-machines just died.

WAT!?

!dev

So the ceiling in our (upstairs) laundry room started leaking. After some troubleshooting, we determined it was the A/C, and not the water pipes. (The house is cheap as hell and fucking stupid.) We did some troubleshooting and research, and tried fixing it ourselves; no luck. Cleaning the pipes from outside: no joy. Cleaning the pipes from inside: no access. The attic is ... small. Maybe half a small closet? and doesn’t give access to fucking anything. The builders must have installed everything before putting up the walls and ceilings, sealing everything off, because there is no access. It’s fucking stupid. Also, the usual maintenance openings aren’t even there either because why the fuck would they be?

But fucking whatever.

We called an a/c repair guy, who never showed. We assumed he was busy (it’s fucking hot), so we called him again the next day; two days later he showed.

Busy. Whatever.

Guy didn’t bring a ladder. Whatever, we have one right there in the hallway because we’ve been trying in vain to fix it.

Guy didn’t bring a wrench of any kind. Guy didn’t bring a screwdriver. Guy didn’t bring a bucket. Guy didn’t bring any pipe. Or any pipe sealant. Or fucking anything but his sagging fucking pants, fat belly, and fat stench. We had to supply everything, which fortunately we had on hand as we were already trying to fix it. Hoorah for being proactive.

Guy said he drained both primary and secondary pans. Somehow. Without access. I’m not even convinced it HAS a secondary pan. Guy said he cleaned out the pipes, too. From inside the house. Without access. Somehow. Maybe he did that from outside, without tools, while I was chasing the brats and someone else was watching the fat bastard. Who knows; I wasn’t with him most of the time.

When he was done, the guy said “pay whatever you think it’s worth” (or whatever). Fine, if he actually cleaned the pipes out and it isn’t leaking anymore, that’s great.

Guy leaves.

We go up to check. AND THE FUCKING A/C IS STILL LEAKING. BUT NOW IT’S FROM BEFORE THE PIPES, TOO. AND HALF AN HOUR LATER, THE LAUDRY ROOM CEILING IS ALSO LEAKING, WHICH MEANS THE PIPES ARE STILL LEAKING.

It turns out the asshole broke the pan.

We call him back, he goes blah blah blah, we send him a video. Drip, drip, drip.

His response?
“The pan must be rusted.” IT’S FUCKING PLASTIC.

“Oh, in that case, it’s probably a rusted coil that’s leaking.”

a) HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW IT WAS FUCKING PLASTIC IF YOU DRAINED IT?

b) THE COILS CARRY FREON, NOT WATER, AND THE A/C IS STILL WORKING. IF THERE WAS A LEAK, SHIT WOULD BE HOT. AND RANK. FREON SMELLS NASTY AND DOESN’T CAUSE IT TO RAIN IN THE FUCKING HOUSE.

REPLACING A COIL IS ALSO A $2000 FUCKING REPAIR.

THE FAT BASTARD PROBABLY BROKE THE PAN INTENTIONALLY JUST TO UPSELL. I WANT TO FUCKING MURDER HIS LYING FUCKING FACE OFF.

It’s possible he didn’t break the pan intentionally, so I’ll tentatively remove that from his charges. BUT TO FUCKING LIE?

LIE AND DIE, FUCKER.

My own text mmorpg and it's selfmade Chat system! <3

Yeah it's barebones and has some flaws, but its the first project I set an worked through with a very pleasing result ^^

It's a CLI-Style interface with a command and chat mode, multiple rooms, user descriptions etc.

Some day I want to improve it even further, bring much more functionality in the mix, but first I would have to reinforce the base/core of the program ^^

Microsoft is bring Edge browser to Android and iOs.

Wtf?

"one of the most common requests we hear from people who use Microsoft Edge on Windows 10 pcs is we want our browser experience to move to our phones"

I think you'll also find another common request is for you to actually finish the damn thing and make it usable.

last week was the funniest week in my damn life.

so apparently, some of friend knew about i can make some mobile applications, lets just call her riri. and that week, riri's Instagram account got hacked.

whats so funny about it? she ask me to get her account back or she'll accuse me as the one who hacked her account.

when i ask her, how could i bring her account back, she replied with, "why would you ask me? you were the one who good at computer thingy"

SO?
if i can drive a car, you'll assuming that i can make a car and repair it myself?

haha, funny

I'm so over the politics....

System team: So, we've rewritten the entire site and the stats are looking pretty great. We're more than a year into the two-month transition period, and hey, that's cool, no judgement. But now we're gonna hit a license expiration on the old site, so we need to shut it down, or otherwise pay a ridiculously big amount to renew the license.

Business: nooooooooo you can't shut down the old site!

Systems: but nobody is using it

Business: yes, they are

Systems: no, they're really not, we checked and everything

Business: ...........

Systems: ok, well are you gonna pay for the license renewal?

Business: oh hell no

Systems: ok then we're shutting it down

Business: ..............

Systems: ok, it's down

Business: how dare you! We didn't sign off on that! Bring it back immediately!

Systems: are you gonna pay the license?

Business: no! now bring it back!

FML.

Can't tell what my most successful project is...
But according to GitHub Stars, my
most successful project is my RandomQuote Bot (@RandomQuote).
The story behind it is pretty boring:

One day little Skayo thought: "Hey there is no bot on DevRant yet, let's make one!".
Then he began to think: "But what should it do? What would be easy to do for an inexperienced programmer like me?".
Suddenly he got an idea: A Bot that posts a random quote everyday!
Yay!
He instantly started making it.
About a day later, it was finished.
"Let's bring this thing to live", he thought.
And there he was, quickly getting a lot of fucking ++'s...
This bot is like my first born child! I am so proud of him!

And that's the story behind the bot.
Very spectacular, isn't it?

My study organises a hackathon (12 pm to the next 12 pm so 24 hours total) every year and doesn't allow to bring your own coffee machine. Last year, the teachers machine was used but it's so freaking slow (produces one pot an hour or so) that we could hardly get any. Then, at the early night, it broke down. Everyone was going pretty insane without caffeine for that timespan haha. (Loads of people didn't bring energy drink because 'coffee at location' xD)

Epic newb here. Like, can-barely-read-HTML new. But I'm curious and interested. I work in an office filled with very skilled developers, and I bring the human component to the operations. Not a day goes by when I don't learn something, or teach something. Sadly, that enriching experience accounts for maybe half an hour of my day. I wish it was more. Anyhoo, rant on, Wayne!

my co-worker raged-flipped her keyboard cause she accidentally deleted the file she has been working on for 2 hours. when we looked in the recycle bin and tried to restore it, it shows an error saying "unknown file extension". she had to start all over because for some reason, we couldnt bring the file back.

Me: Can you do the javadocs comments
Coworker: I've never done that, *looks for it on google*, I can't do it, I don't know how.
Me: Did no one asked you to comment you code at school?
Coworker: Yeah, but only the ones with '//'
Me: Ok, bring me coffee

3 weeks off work - complete.
1st day back - in progress
Shit storm flurry awaiting my arrival - bring it on!

- my son, can you fix the window ?
=ok dad *after a while * I installed win10 try it now.
-wtf I meant the window of my room, bring me back my lovely Xp

When I saw the U-Boot prompt on the console of a system that we'd developed from scratch all from openly available documentation. When the board was fabricated and brought in for software bring up, it was basically less useful than a brick. It felt awesome giving life to it. We had to configure it and calibrate it. It's extra challenging when you have a lot of analog circuits. Yeah so we didn't win 'against' anyone but that victory stands for itself.

The push back phrase my manager uses when I try to discuss a requirement which I think is incorrect:
"It was discussed and agreed upon at the beginning b/n PM and engineering"
To hell with that, if 10 people arrive at a stupid decision, its still a stupid decision

I just sit back until the project progresses much further and wait for another senior dev whom they can't ignore to bring up the same issue.
It is supremely frustrating 😤

Have you ever had someone that bring you a floppy and ask to recover data from it? This is my day

I wonder how many decades it will take until employees stop to fucking stick their passwords to the computer screen at their station. It is a complete fucking nightmare if you are responsible for the network!
Can we bring back the guillotine? But it must be stub!
Those nitwits shall suffer!

Today I started work on a new project that contains a lot of legacy. I asked the developers about unit testing javascript and was told that not only is there none in place, but it's not worth adding any in.

At first, I grimaced and thought fair enough. This is their codebase, it's their choice. I've now been thinking about this for a few hours and have instead decided that screw those guys, I'm adding in a testing framework, a module pattern that's compatible with the existing code, and unit testing the crap out of it. If they don't want it they can refactoring it out, but I can't bring myself to intentionally deliver code I know is crap.

I WILL FORCE CODE QUALITY ON THEM.

Bring it on 😂🤣

My laptop is a useless piece of shit when it isn't plugged. All I want is a slim box that I could bring almost everywhere I go! How long do your laptops' batteries last?

I have a project at work that involves learning a bunch of AWS stuff and rewriting a couple credential-generating scripts. I don't even know what the ask is, apart from some high-level "make this SSO" so ... idfk.

I am so incredibly bored of it (and burned out in general) that I can't even look at it.

I would rather see how many times it takes to beat my head against the wall to make a hole than think about this ticket again.

"Oh, I thought you would find that fun" No. No I do not. I can't even bring myself to look at it anymore. "Well, try to push through it and get it outta here!" Ughhhhh

I hope Russia nukes the bloody company.

Once you go black... ;D

>today, we - junior .Net programmers - have a teambuilding event
>after it we will go to the bar (with our boss)
>the bar is pet friendly
>I need to walk my dog
>he is young, probably west siberian laika mix plus a resque dog, therefore every evening I spend 3 hours working with him
>my boss implies I should not bring him to the pet friendly bar.
>my boss wants me to walk my dog only for an half an hour max and return to the bar without it.
>I guess I won't be even going to the bar, couse my dog is more important to me
>ffs

Oh, my boss never fails to amaze me...

Every fucking time he talks about changes to someone outside the team he says something like:
"we always gotta be prepared for breaks because it is always like that, you change something here and when you see you broke something there"
All in a manner that *tries* to bring tensions down.

And every time I explain to him why the fuck automated tests are important and wtf they do he always manage to understand it as a waste of time...

I'm never gonna give up, motherfucker.

Why is it that newbies always fail to read their error messages and bring their laptop saying something went wrong.

My ISP can suck the biggest, sweatiest pile of dicks.
First of all, our normal service is garbage (1mb down, 0.1 up).
On top of that, for some reason, the Internet access goes down for a few minutes every time the public IP changes (2-3 times a day) which is fucking annoying.
And THEY FUCKING BROUGHT FIBRE TO MY NEIGHBOUR (20 METRES DOWN THE STREET) WHO IS AN OLD COUPLE WHO HAVE 0 INTEREST IN THE INTERNET, BUT THEY REFUSE TO BRING IT TO ME.
Fucking Vodafone, get your shit together.

Too much math ? Seriously ? Had you made the effort to atleast 'look' at them, you would see how simple they are. And just because I use the word 'equation' does not automatically make it a Volterra Integral Equation.

Could've discussed the subject at hand. But no, let's bring on the judgement. Who wants to ever discuss the subject ?

!dev

What can you say for certain about your argument when you bring it to a discussion and you pretty much lose but it still stands?
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It's not sitting down.

I'll leave now......

When npm modules bring in 1500 micro dependencies for a service you could build in 15 minutes, it makes you wonder if you should, in fact, rebuild the wheel.

When it's Friday night, you didn't bring you work laptop home with you, have no way of working from home without it, and remember something that might be wrong with your code.
I'm sure I'll forget about it tomorrow.

SUNDAYS ARE THE WORST!!

Normally it’s the weekend but recently it’s just so stressful!

It’s like you can’t even relax because you’re supposed to be preparing for the week ahead!

It doesn’t feel like the weekend anymore!

Why is planning and prioritizing
So MF Hard for me!?!!!!

Why did my brain cope with stress and trauma by simply checking out & spacing out!?

I got so good at it that I find it hard to bring my focus back—it takes soooo much effort to do what i need to do

I’m So Freaking TIRED.

Friday evening. Just finishing new website for my company. (Had to build it with wordpress) Boss wants to bring it online right before weekend. Switch domain to production. Nothing works anymore. Fuck Wordpress. 👿

"I don't want to offend you but well clearly you're not an artist. "

From the client i tell repeatedly "Web design is not my strong point so if there is a design you want we should bring on a designer"

And actually i was an artist. But i didn't like all the subjective criticism. Criticise my code when it doesn't work. I didn't ever sell you Web design

My company’s upper leadership is sooo focused on the NUMBER of defects that are open on our project and only the number. We give each defect a priority of P0, P1, or P2. You would think this would help prioritize and strategize our plan to fix them. But nope. Every week we have some arbitrary “goal” to hit. A number purely made up by clueless leadership as to what makes a “quality” product.

On Friday’s, managers start harassing devs to merge their fixes and for QA to close out defects. So effectively rushing to hit that arbitrary number or else we’ll have to work Saturday.

Meanwhile they want more test automation coverage to reduce the incoming defect rate. But when the fuck do we have time to develop said tests when all you want is the defect closed to bring down your precious little number?!

They’d rather us close 25 P2 defects to bring the number down rather than 10 P0 or P1 defects. These leaders are so incompetent it kills me! Without any back story, they’re ultimately the reason we’re in this position in the first place! Argghhh!

How often do women bring up their own gender in tech interviews? I've never done it, and I've never interviewed anyone, but I'm curious about whether it's ever explicitly mentioned (beyond a, "I'm in a women in tech group" or "I mentor young girls in my free time").

I don't want to start any debates. Just curious about what people on the Other Side of the Table see.

So my wife bought a really old android tablet (it's on gingerbread lol) so I've decided to bring it up to android pie, yes that means building a custom ROM, from scratch, for a 7 year old device. I will be documenting my progress and if I fail then at least it will be published research as the memory optimization in android pie is so much smoother now it should be good. If it fails I shall try to build android go to the device.

It's still got a 1.5ghz processor and 1gb of ram which should be fine so here's hoping.

In the pandemic era i have become allergic to delivery fees. Fucking $5 to get pizza delivered? Fuck you I'll take the 15 minutes it takes to go down to the damn restaurant! Pisses me off sometimes.

Maybe it's because i enjoy getting out more since I've started working from home, but tbh i don't even care, because paying $11 to have someone else bring your groceries to you just makes me irate.

bool rant = false

I became my school's computer club president just last year. Although it's a computer club most of them aren't specially good in computer. We learn Photoshop for mostbof the time. So I decided to bring in unity3d and teach it myself.

I did managed to teach them in a slow pace. What came to me as a surprise is that I inspired another student to held unity class in school to teach other students game making .

Sometimes little thing we do may influence people in a big way we don't know.

Watched a TED Talk about this cool site that wants to bring open education to all.
Forgot about it.
Remembered i
the video a week later, checked it out.
Front page saw a course for Python for beginners.
Watched the first video.
Got hooked.
Never turned back.
Thanks Coursera :)

After that I relied more on books as the knowledge is layed out in a more concrete fashion and are probably nore revised. So better content, more accurate information, more advanced and in depth knowledge.

Shootout to my 2.5GB Maxtor hard drive, that I heavily used between 1997 and 2001. There were no USB drives, and CD burners were too expensive for consumers. So I used to open my PC case, remove the drive (along with Windows and my software), bring it around at my friend's house and have fun while copying hundreds of mp3s, patiently downloaded from filesharing and 56k modems or ripped from CD audio, in and out.

One time it fell out from my desk, hitting hard floor big time. I thought I lost it forever, and basically my whole PC in it. Then I tried plugging again its IDE and power connectors, and it was still working! ... well, half of it. That badass still continued to work with one of its two platters crashed, and got some more mp3s with it.
Maybe I still have it...

Burnout is the absolute worst. Feeling like you can’t bring yourself to do anything even though you really want to work on the project. You know logically that you want to get it done and you do genuinely care about the project. But you just can’t bring yourself to commit to it anymore because you’ve given it your all for far too long. You keep telling yourself that you will get us back to work tomorrow or the day after. But rest never feels like enough rest it’s exhausting. Baby steps I guess. I feel like at this point I’ve just developed a habit of putting it off. Time to build a more constructive habit.

I dont work weekends ever. And I dont bring my work home with me, once I finish for the day, Im finished. Even if there is a deadline looming or something is due for a weekend release. I will only work when Im in the office. And I wont work extra unpaid hours. All that does is create unrealistic expectations from your employer and clients. I did it once and learned that there was no point and I could have just gone home and it would have been fine. Im never doing it again.

Bring it on

Issue:
Facebook is now meta. We now need a new acronym to replace FAANG.

Proposed solution:
Let’s remove Netflix. There are a dozen other streaming services in the mix, they’re not innovating over competition, they’re also worth the least in faang etc.

Bring back Microsoft to the acronym. Controversial, of course but it makes sense as the ms we see today bears little resemblance to what it was 15 years ago. With ms + meta in the acronym we therefore name is GAMMA

Open to other alternatives, so leave a comment if you have one.

Had to bring up some issues with my instructor to the school, and forgot to print out emails hosted on their Exchange server that show the issue in detail. When I logged in, every email had mysteriously disappeared from my account, but because I document everything about this horseshit school locally, I could still show the exported emails.

The instructor?
Head of IT.

The bastard tried to hide the evidence, but fuck him, Document Everything.

(Call from a distant family member I know by name only)
Him: Hey, blah it's been awhile blah hey so I have this problem with my printer and...
Him: What do you mean you don't know about printers, can I bring it to your hou...<*click*>

So we are completely burned out with this project that had a fucking generic contract and my boss never had the balls (and never will) to say no to the client's endless requests and changes...

We are about to deliver it once and for all and they complain about one thing that I have already agreed to my boss that we would not do...
We tell the client that it is the case...

They email everyone involved in the project with a high level of drama on it...

I ask my boss, who is on vacation, on directions as to "how" I should tell them the fuck off...

My boss answer: I'm making a script to solve this issue and to avoid further trouble with it...

Ooo you stupid motherfucker! Can't you see you only bring more trouble with that attitude?

I'm tired of the lack of competition. Open source and public code is supposed to bring people together but a lot of the time it just puts people down and makes them think "why would I recode that if it's already made?" It's going to kill the amount of people actually learning to program because their ideas are just crushed by people who already made them.

The people who are going to be more successful are going to be the ignorant ones who don't bother looking if it exists first and that is kinda sad.

Teammember left. I did his three tickets yesterday. Before that I created and applied new rescue procedure for broken deploys on production and deployed the app manually. Took me about 6 hours to do this right, find the cause, and solve it, and document what I did. After that my teamleader bought me a launch :)
It wasn't his, my former teammate responsibility to bring back prd to life, it was me being good and engaged employee. His tickets, on the other hand, were his duties. Took me one hour to code them. He was working on them for two weeks. I can't wait for the performance review, im definitely going to ask for a nice rise :)

We have this lovely little old lady who works in QA and whenever she finds a bug she goes across the office to the developers desk and taps them on the shoulder and spends like 15 minutes explaining and showing the bug...

This is infuriating as you lose all concentration on what you are working on and wastes so much time... But I can't bring myself to tell her to stop just can't find kind enough words. She's a lovely person and means well but it seems her world runs a lot slower than everyone else's.

Man, my product owner is so fucking annoying. I am 50/50 between two projects when really it feels like I'm 100/100 - and the PO of one of the projects always requests that I join daily stand ups and give updates.

CUNT.

I don't always have updates because I'm working with another team. Why are you trying to micromanage me you fuck face. Also, you know when you get those PO's that are totally useless and don't actually bring any real value to the project except in the capacity of being a slimey charismatic weasel? Yah, that's this person.

Wife called

Wife: hello love, I will send you item number from online store, plz buy it for me.Bye

Me: minimize IDE and bring up firefox

Me: ok, let do this....!!!

WTF

Years ago, we were setting up an architecture where we fetch certain data as-is and throw it in CosmosDb. Then we run a daily background job to aggregate and store it as structured data.
The problem is the volume. The calculation step is so intense that it will bring down the host machine, and the insert step will bring down the database in a manner where it takes 30 min or more to become accessible again.

Accommodating for this would need a fundamental change in our setup. Maybe rewriting the queries, data structure, containerizing it for auto scaling, whatever. Back then, this wasn't on the table due to time constraints and, nobody wanted to be the person to open that Pandora's box of turning things upside down when it "basically works".

So the hotfix was to do a 1 second threadsleep for every iteration where needed. It makes the job take upwards of 12 hours where - if the system could endure it - it would normally take a couple minutes.

The solution has grown around this behavior ever since, making it even harder to properly fix now. Whenever there is a new team member there is this ritual of explaining this behavior to them, then discussing solutions until they realize how big of a change it would be, and concluding that it needs to be done, but...

not right now.

Dear Comcast, why in the flying fuck is it necessary for you to bring down the entire network for five hours to do "routine maintenance." There's nothing routine about that.

!rant

In the office, sometimes we order food for lunch.

Me: *goes outside the office to make the call*

*Coding partner arrives while I'm on phone*

Me: *realize that I forgot to ask him if he wanted food* Hey dude, do you want to order something?

Him: *thinks* Nah, I'm fine, I brought my own lunch

Another Guy: That's good because we already called!

Me: Yeah, but it doesn't matter, I can call and tell them "Order++"

Him: Nah dude, tell him "++order", because maybe he'll bring the orders then go back and realize that he missed one

<<<<

I don't know, it was funny for me 🤷‍♂️

Today I had a dinner with several members of my family. At some point my uncle decided to bring up ‘tech stuff’ so we can talk about it. Nevertheless, few seconds in he was trying to convince me that IE is the best browser, being far superior than firefox, chrome etc.
I just nodded and started talking about how HTML is the language to learn if you want to be a dev 😅😂

When I worked in a non-dev env, the best part was that I was done with work after working hours. I didn't stress out or even think about the issues. It was something for tomorrow or someone else to worry about. And so, I was not mentally exhausted and stressed out all the damn time.

So, I shall try to bring that mentality to my dev life too. With this new position I'm starting soon, I really want to do well for at least a few years. And that would need me to chill the fuck out. Particularly after work.

I've fixed the bug... After 3 fucking months...

If I worked on this in one go, non-stop, it would've been over 5 days.

Bring on the next one. 🤘🤘🤘

Job hunt update:

- Rejected by one via email
- Applying to two more today
- Ghosted (?) by the other 5 so far

but hey, it's only been over two weeks for those 5 others! why should i expect efficiency from a company that wants a TeN X DeVeLoPeR? I'll bring my decade+ experience and you can just get around to it... you know, when you feel like!

🤡

Welp. My mental health is down the drain.

I don't want to talk to anyone about it, but I am well aware of the situation. I can't even bring myself to sleep on a proper time frame, and depression is crawling back like an abusive ex.

There. Complete failure. Where do I sign out for this life?

Footnote:This is not fishing for attention, more like ranting in the void. (or trying to) Apologies to the one who I should've probably talked to about this, but never did.

Announcing devRant 2.0! It is time for exciting overhaul, sponsored by our good friends at Tencent, that will bring life back to this amazing platform.
- elegant simplicity of Viber meets excellent minimalism of AWS
- custom avatars for ++ members
- exciting mini-games
- animated stickers
- ChatGPT integration for ++ members
What a time to be alive!

So do you have any co-workers or teammates who horde tasks and don't share knowledge? I hate those kind of people. Everytime I bring it in team's retrospective and that one asshole remains quite during the whole meeting, agrees to everything and continues to horde tasks again in the future. That affects the team performance and causes to form a single point of failure and recovery which is bad when working in a team. Share your experiences.

CI came up with 265 errors. (deploying to an old server to bring it back).

I make some very clever fixes and run it again.

Now we have 269 errors.

-_-

!rant
Bought a Chromebook last weekend. Best. Decision. I've. Made.
It's so great. It's so light, it uses USB C to charge (so when I go to visit my parents halfway across the country, I can bring 1 cable for my phone, switch, and laptop), and it's the perfect Android development device, since it runs Android apps and you can use Android studio within crouton.
I have never loved a new device so much, and I remember the days when I mocked Chromebooks because they sucked. Android app support turned that around.

When your new build is compiling and just scooting right along so you think... sure, I could go for some food. No. Nope. Not even. It chooses the exact moment you leave to nope the fuck out completely with the most random compiler errors that you would have never seen had you just been sitting there in the chair. It's like it knows. Maybe next time I leave I'll promise to bring it back a taco.

Going on a school camp where all the students in the school go.
2 nights and 3 days, planning to bring my laptop and my phone to make games there. (poor 15yo)

Any ideas not to be seen to the teachers? My loyal friends wont tell it because i promised to bring some old android devices for them to play games.

fuck google! fuck the people updating the android OS! fuck android!

first you guys removed the feature to connect wifi using WPS and then promised to bring it back but instead brought a completely different feature

then you make all the clipboard manager apps obsolete. only keyboard apps can be clipboard manager otherwise the rest of them are screwed.

app needs my location permission just so that it can turn on my wifi! wtf!

app needs bluetooth, wifi & location just so that it can send data from one device to another device offline? why bluetooth? are we going back to 1970s?

fuck you google! fuck android!

I really wish some other companies fork it and removes all the clutters and makes it better.

Hey Google, please stop ignoring 3 out of 5 words in my search queries ever so often. I have been getting tired of the unhelpful note "missing: " followed by the most relevant parts of my question.

Can't wait for Microsoft to add openAI to Bing. While I'm more than sceptical about its use, at least it might end Google's quasi-monopoly in the search engine market and bring back some competition.

Python, where every 'import' feels like summoning an ancient deity, praying that it won't bring a parade of compatibility issues and version conflicts.

Coding at night with noises that bring about focus is the best. I use noisli.com
Fellow devs, check it out ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Bring my stress ball to work.
It keeps rolling on the floor, so I have to chase it around.😿
How can you guys handle this bad boy

It's almost midnight here and I just realized something. I just realized that none of my college friends have contacted me in almost a year now... Like none of them. They hang out every weekend near the college I cannot coz im working and it has never occurred to them that "hey there's this guy that we we were together for four years with , I wonder what he's doing how's he holding up" and I wasn't even an asshole or a douchebag or something I guess I just vaporizer from their memories like a volatile liquid.

I also feel like my boss gives me nearly impossible tasks so that I fail like "design these two complete web applications in three months while you do your actual job of teaching people java for 8 hrs a day"
And now here I am at midnight sitting curled up in the corner of my bed like a paranoid chipmunk that drank a pot full of dark coffee, trying to talk to this random bunch of people from random places in the world who are doing random shit right now. And the worst part is I chose this ... I wanted this I wanted to make a difference. I didn't want to be just a cog in a machine.

If I die right now how many people would cry? I ask myself that a lot it's never more than ten. This is probably creeping u out right now so I'll probably end this.
Rest assured six hrs from now I will put my mask back on. a mask of a happy, mildly funny, averagely successfully geek, until my next date with sadness

I'm sorry but Laravel is for brainless programmers who wants to be spoon feed all the time.

Laravel is maybe fast to develop and easy to understand but its only because it is poorly designed/written.

That damn Eloquent, if misuse by ignorant or amateur programmer, will definitely bring a disaster to the whole system.

I will reiterate my goal of 2020 and 2021:

Finish my personal project and bring it to market!

It will happen this year, I swear! 🤣

When you have to add new features to a 5 years old app, because it would be a heavy lift to rewrite.

So no dev lead has the balls to bring it through the board, so you are stuck with ancient and awful code.

Would just like to give kudos to 343 for there work at bring halo to PC. They are actually being developers and not doing a rushed port with minimal tweaking...

It's great to see some Devs take pride in their work and not see it just as a quick job to rake in the money from fans...

Never thought I would give good credit to a Microsoft owned thing...

(I'm an Xbox gamer so i suppose I can't hate too much?)

I know that this will bring me many new enemy's but I'll just say it.

I like Mercurial more than Git.

Do you remember how they say, you won't notice how much you miss something, until it's gone? Well this Island (Guadeloupe) is as beautiful as it can be! However the internet connection sucks. Big time!

Plus the humidity killed my laptop (or at least part of the keyboard including the keys I need for the partition unlock, which means no laptop until I'm home and replaced the keyboard.

I didn't bring it for work but to be able to look up stuff, maybee write some (non dev) stuff and such...

But to be honest since this vacation is so relaxing, I'm not even really mad. Strange.

Linux tip: if you're setting up a new computer w/ a fresh install of Linux or you got some new device you'd like to make Linux friends with, don't start by searching for drivers. Start with upgrading your kernel to the newest Mainline version you can. It's very likely it will bring your devices' support with it.

Damn I didn't think I'll like my P1 gen4 THIS much. Even better with a flavour of LMint!

So I thought... Hey, why not bring my laptop running Ubuntu to school. It's faster than my Windows one, and I use it all the time at home.

Then I realized 99% of students will nag me about how I'm using a knock off version of Mac Os 😒

But if I did bring it, maybe I could FINALLY teach my computer science "teacher" something.

What the hell is wrong with me?

It was even less than maybe 2 months ago since I loved my job, had co-workers I happily called friends, wrote code I was proud of, and felt like I had a meaning and a place in the industry. I had plans for my future and everything was great.

But this entire week felt terrible. Everything was awful.
I despised every single word of those idiots I called friends.
Their craft - our craft - is a colossal and monumental failure; A sad joke, that insults more than it entertains.

I can't bring myself to program, not even to fuck around at home...

And I have no idea what to do now.

The most annoying thing about having a favourite language and being fast/ experienced in using it is, that you need to bring up a lot of power to leave it behind for something else. :/

No matter how highly recognized your code is, it can’t bring the Inflation down

I'm trying to bring some structure to the IT department, but I need help with something. I'm on my feature branch for some front-end stuff. I realize that there is some back-end missing that my colleague must do. How should we go about tackling this? Should he create another feature branch, fix the things, merge to master, and then i can merge from master?

When it was "bring your children" day at my mums work she took me to London, I used to draw houses with paint on her work PC and sending them via fax to my grandma miles away. It was pretty magical to me.

Uhm, that's not how it works GoDaddy.

Apparantly it takes 2 hrs to bring a website back online (which went offline simply because the database was larger than 1 GB) after the DB size has been reduced... And that's exceeding my expectations!?

- only idea is not enough
- it should bring in value to you
- accept you can’t do everything all by yourself

Reach office early and you know what stack over flow is down god save me it's 15 minutes already some one please up it.

Bad start for monday.

It sucks when you forgot to bring a hoodie in a freezing dev team cave.. on a monday smh

My manager’s manager (my superboss)..

Every time we go for a design discussion, this guy goes into his own world of inspiration, motivation, religion and damn things.. the more you think of pulling him back, the more lame jokes he starts to crack, the more you’ll bring in work related talks, the more stupid his output will be.. it is now resulting in a late delivery date, a frustrated manager, and a frustrated team. Moreover he says, he’s inspired from Elon Musk, dafuq, I mean seriously? What part of his approach on productivity you actually got inspired by? Sleep?

---Startup Rant---

Being a senior developer doesn't grant the privilege to join a team and starting a drama out loud that everything is bad and you don't like it.

First, if everything is perfect there is no need to hire you.
Second, think about the value that you can bring to the team instead of making them feel bad, how can you prepare an improvement plan and start to learn the factors and reasons behind those decisions.

What's funny, it that the same guy after a couple of months starts introducing bad fixes and he says it's ok for the moment, it's not good but it's okayish, I wish I had a time machine for those developers!

I just read Jeff Bezos' article on Medium about how the ones at American Media are threatening him of leaking his private pictures.

As I was reading it, I felt, "Man, how low has journalism come to these days. Here is a guy who's worked so hard to build one of the world's biggest companies, and here are the ones at the National Enquirer trying to bring this man down."

To be honest, who gave them the right to indulge in a person's private life? Why do they have to say, "A nude selfie with his wedding ring on?" Maybe, he sent that image to his wife. This makes me wonder, "Is this the way we treat humans?"

Why are we concerned about what a man does in his personal life? What impact does taking down a man in public bring?

Thoughts, please!

Lint rules that keep shouting at you unless you arrange the methods of a class in alphabetical order. What fucking value does it bring? Who fucking cares ? Why do we have them? Whhhyyyyyy ?

Note to management:
Throwing more $$$ at the problem will not help the fact that you picked the wrong software. It will never do what you want it to and it will never smoothly integrate with our current ERP. Maybe next time you should spend the money upfront on a better system and not buy the cheap system that requires expensive customizations to bring it to the point where it sorta kinda works.
Thank you for listening.

Google's attempts to follow the iPhone just make me think, "Might as well get an iPhone."

I wish Google would create a high-end phone with grippy, durable case, replaceable two-day battery and SD card slot. Vanilla Android with latest updates. Bring it in at a reasonable price (which I'd hope would be possible if not trying to squeeze everything).

Given me a real alternative here. Don't try and lead with design. It's letting Apple choose the battlefield.

My boss thinks database = table
I hope it doesn't bring problems in the long run.
Any "web dev for CEOs" material you recommend?

Man, some days, these fucking managers just make me want to get fucking drunk...

clueless questions, annoying fucking fake priority shit immediately asking for this and that with absolutely no planning or thinking ahead

its really like guiding kids through kindergarten some days

i want to bring some seriousness and structure to this company but some days.... man, i just am done with it

You know a server is having a jolly'ol time when, while logging through the serial console, it lags... Then, a few seconds later, you get a message

[time.seconds] Out of memory: Kill process PID (login) score 0 or sacrifice child
[time.seconds] Killed process PID (login) total-vm:65400kB, anon-rss:488kB, file-rss:0kB

10/10, only way to bring the server back to life was by a hard-reset :|

I think I’m starting to realize that the source of my procrastination is because I’m too easily distracted in my room. I had to bring my laptop and book out to the living room and I feel like a lot more fucking focused but that might also be the fact I’m not playing music so it could be either? I know location change occasionally is important but I don’t have many places to go to sadly :/

Side note devRant doesn’t help productivity either

Just review and merge my PR already!!!
Damn is it frustrating to see PRs stagnating after finally finding an open source project I can actually bring something useful to :(

The company I work for now has so much tech debt. When I find an issue, I can’t necessarily fix it right away because I have other priorities. If something isn’t a site-breaking issue, then I only fix it when a user or staff member reports it.

The website is a mess because it was built and maintained by an outside dev agency. It was so expensive to outsource that my employer decided to bring development in-house.

That’s where I came in. I found so many issues. Tech debt. UX weirdness. Newish features that no one seemed to use. It goes on.

So I’m balancing new feature development, fixing bugs, and trying to lessen our tech debt. I’m a team of one.

Software engineering doesn't evolving the way you think of it.

There are no new big patterns. There are no new big concepts and ideas to bring that evolution to us. Rob Pike thinks that the concepts he used twenty years ago are the best possible way of implementing everything and he creates Golang.

The evolution of software engineering, and maybe the whole evolution as a concept is a tick-tock. Software engineering had its latest tick at nineties, when the concepts we call modern were developed. And the latest tock was the rise of the internet, and it given the single-computer-centered Von Neumann architecture really hard challenges. I mean ticks are theoretical inventions and patterns and ideas and etc, while tock is more of some practical, business-oriented implementations.

PHP is still in use. We have troubles with scaling and deployment. Banking systems still run old Java, Windows XP and even COBOL. We had persistence really, really long time ago, and now frontenders reinvent it and call it 'immutability'!

We had our tick many, many years ago. It's time for tock. With not only scientific but commercial use of things such as Clojure, CRDTs and maybe Rust lang, we are heading straight to our new big tock, which'll bring us new great problems to solve.

That's how any evolution goes.

I am currently working as a consultant and I like it. It also makes upset/happy/schadenfroh (not entirely sure how I feel about it) when we tell the client what work needs to be done in which order and why just so they can throw it all overboard and we do it the way they want it and it bites them in the ass a few month down the line.
They hire us for the external professional experience that we bring, so listen to us. We did this before, we know what works, and we know way your way does not work.

Was discussing phones with a friend.
After a while, I said I use a Nexus 5X as my main driver with a Nokia 3310 (which I have for like 10 years already, they are that Finlay proof lmao) as an emergency backup.
So he said: "best backup ever, and if you have robbers, you throw it. Don't bring a gun to a Nokia 3310 fight"

Are desktop PCs becoming a legacy, a history, just like floppy disks or CDs? Do you have one? Do you really need it?

I do have a decent tower pc in my balcony since last year. Haven't used it since early August and I honestly don't know what would I use it for once I bring it back in

Watching the small interpreter that I am building compile and run as I want it to is my big highlight, I am working on a project that a lot of people will hate really (I am trying to bring back VBScript for the web, but adding a ton of shit to it to make it a proper PHP alternative, this is a side project really)

But before that? Understanding the neckbeard rants in hacker news, legit, I used to browse there trying to find perspective of what experts would think, would not understand shit, eventually, skills came (and so did the degree) and I was able to fully understand them and even interact with them.

that also squandered all notions of impostor syndrome.

Life begins when you bring down production and don’t know how to fix it

Having another "what the fuck was I thinking" moment after wasting 3 wks and $60 on another mobile game...

There's no point to this game... Is an infinite clicker basically...

Must be the alliance element and bring asked to be the temp leader...

I knew I should've declined... now always thinking how to give it back to him...

I think a good path to dev education is if you are interested in it as a teen and try out coding and keep failing. Persistence and interest will bring you farther than just going straight to uni/dev school.

When I was younger I went to computer camps. We would basically play LAN games the majority of the time.

One year we played Jedi Knight Dark Forces II.

This game was super easy to hack since you would just save a local version of the file and it would override the game.

There was a god mode that you can download which would give your character 1 million in health and never die.

I then modified it so I had a health of 500. This way if I wanted to prove that I could be killed I would just call the kill command 4 times to bring my life back down to 100.

How can you bring in a PBX device with no manual at all and the settings are all in Chinese and expect me to be a God and configure it?

Forgot to bring me laptop to college, so had to use the age old Turbo C complier on college PC. So had to do some power calculation.. used the pow() function, forgot to include math.h...
And bamm!!! It compiled and I had no idea why the pow function isn't giving the correct value!!

Lesson learnt: never trust anything!!

When you're working on a project and and face a task you solved like 1000 times before so you decide to bring some fresh wind and implement a fancy design pattern... and it works with the first compile!! *badass meme* ( someone send me one I dont have)

Wanted to add some personality to my desk at the office and decided to bring a Jinx (from League of Legends) figurine for it.

When I arrive and open my bag I get really sad due to finding said figurine with its head decapitated during transport. 😭😭😭

shutdown an old Jenkins CI pipeline from one of our teams... after one month they call us to bring it online again because they don't know how to build it manually.... lol #automation #scripting #jenkins

They tell me to only review security in the security reviews I'm doing (and if I bring to attention that they're implementing a weak encryption so even though they're not using it at the moment it might cause issues so be careful with that they say to only review security 😵) and then I see this mssql in a where:
AND ISNULL(field, 0) IS NULL
And I think wtf, should I report that? I did and it's a bug and they're thanking me now....
God dammit it's hard to "review security" here...

I read once "productivity is elimination of distractions" or something like that.
And honestly, it has worked so far.

Motivation is even better tho. But if I'm really unmotivated, or anxious, I subconsciously create distractions; then I have to deal with me inner child. Point is, motivation has a direct line to productivity, so I usually don't do what I can't bring yourself to do.

Does anyone actually develop in Notepad++? I can't bring myself to do it because the UI is so dated nowadays, but the syntax suggestions are really good.

Dear old people who sends me emails and asks me to print out the form, fill it and bring it somewhere. Just take a fking reply...

Today I’ve done nothing related to software development or coding.

You can do it too!

This will be my LinkedIn post, of course with a selfie in gym gear✌🏻

If you see my post scrolling, come on bring them thousands of likes😬

Probably would have been a good idea for someone to tell me that if I upload the project to my tenant too many times it can break the entire realm and bring down all the other tenants in it. Good opportunity for some team documentation 😊

Today is the first time in my life that I've received an all-caps corporate email from some team running ops.
Funny how someone thought this might make it clearer when all acronyms in our company are all-caps, making it a very intensive read which does everything except bring the important point forward..

Past week our Neural Network professor told us after the lecture that the colllege is taking steps for investing in Nvidia Digits DevBox. At first i didnt knw what it is. I googled it and came to knw that it is a fucking beast! Those specs man!!!
Its nice to see that your institute is taking steps to bring latest technology for students.

Company logic: "we need a new software manager for the program. This guy has worked on every piece of our product. Including as team lead of one of the teams. But wait he has never signed time cards. We better bring in this guy who has been in the company less than a year and is a known job shopper to do it instead."

Long story short, I am getting a new software manager that knows nothing about our product. Fun

Brought to you from the 5000+ line Java file. Contained within the 1500 line method. I bring you the following pattern. Let's guess all the ways we could've done this better?
- Streams
- For loop
- Iterator
What gets really fun is when this you get this pattern doubly nested so you have a random i's and j's floating all over the place.

Note: this isn't ancient code it was developed about 3 months ago.

[Code has been lightly anonymized]

I hate the current state of internet based service providers. They are collecting so much data, it's scary and borderline stalking.

A simple search on Netflix changes ads shown by Google. I watch a lot of Japanese/Korean drama and now my ads are in Japanese. What the actual fuck.

I run windows 10 on my main rig because of steam and windows only games. One day I was searching for filezilla in windows search. Since it is now handled by the same UI as cortana, it searched it on the web too. So now I have ads related to ftp hosting in Japanese.

Sometimes I feel like just formatting my system and install debian on it. But those games man. May be I can live without them.

Can we bring back the internet from 2008. It was so much better back then.

A pm asked about a feature I was developing and I went on to show them what I got so far. Feature-wise almost finished, but it still needed to be polished and thoroughly tested, as such it wasn't merged yet. Weeks later - I couldn't finish it yet for unrelated reasons - there was great confusion about why the feature is not there as it had been billed to the customer already. So I gotta pull some sunshine out of my ass and bring it to the last release branch..

I work at a place where all the employees are pretty much on the user side of the spectrum and they have 3 chromebooks. Some would think that's not really a problem, chromebooks are fine for simple tasks BUT they weren't able to setup the printer correctly so they were only able to print one copy at a time. These people never used anything other than Windows and they already struggle with that, so I think it was a waste of money for the company, and I'm pretty sure they just went for it because it was cheaper. It's a fucking joke, since their employees prefer to bring their pcs to work and only one of the chromebooks is being used.