FUCK WORDPRESS TO DEATH!

Seriously, I have a degree in computer science and I can't for the fucking lfie of it understand the fucking architecture of fucking WORDPRESS!

How many fucking times when developing fucking shitty wordpress sites for clients you spent 66% of the time debugging some stupid fucki9ng shit related to the retarded monolithic fucking stupid architecture of this huge retarded abomination which should be killed in a fire with dragonfire.

How many fucking times while using trellis sage bedrock mother fucking super uber framework bubblegum you find yourself struggling with the fgucking broweser shit sync or some other fucking stupid bubblegum fix shit to make wordpress even remotely a decent experience to work with?

Even when buffed with a fucking shitton of boilerplate shit code from people who want developers to not fucking kill themselves while working on this fucking piece of shit framework the developing experience with wordshit makes me want to blow my fucking brains out with a desert eagle.

I seriously can't fucking stress how fucking shit this whole framework is and I seriously hope people stop using it for good. Wordpress was made by a bunch of fucking retarded monkeys who barely knew how to write afucking hello world.

This is the last fuckign time Im ever going to accept a wordpress project from my clients this fucking framework has driven me mad for fu cking years and i've finally had it with thsi fucking piece of shit framework and i fucking hope it gets buried 1000 km down and never dug up ever fuckign again.

Wordpress is the single most fucking horrid abomination that has ever been created in the fucking history of the tech industry.

Watch 3 videos about iOS/Swift on YouTube, and now I'm getting a frontpage full of recordings of app development events and iPhone reviews.

Listen to one kpop track on Spotify out of curiosity, and now the recommendation playlist is polluted with music I really don't like.

If we are going to hand our balls to AI and expect it to be a glorious fondling fest, don't cry if it suddenly realizes "nuts? aren't those supposed to be cracked?".

I mean what's fucking next? Where will this "smart" shit end up?

I accidentally click on a my little pony meme, and amazon will drone-strike me with 500 gallons of glitter? I drunkenly mumble "OK google how do kangaroos fuck" in the back of a self-driving Uber, I'm going to be dropped off in a shady alley and raped by a dozen walibis?

STOP FUCKING TRYING TO UNDERSTAND ME, INTERNET. I JUST WANT TO FUCKING USE YOU, NOT BE USED BY YOU, THIS WASN'T THE DEAL.

If you truly understood me, internet, I would probably not even give a fuck about privacy. But you are all building these profiles wrong.

You don't understand that I might be interested in juggling tricks today, tomorrow it might be all about crocheting a wool sweater for my penis, and the day after that I'm curious how many corpses it would take to fill up an olympic swimming pool.

NO I'M NOT ACTUALLY INTERESTED IN THAT QUORA, STOP SENDING ME RECOMMENDATION EMAILS ON HIDING MURDER VICTIMS, MY BOSS WILL THINK I'M WEIRD.

Yeah of course I could pulls some plugs, anonymize the shit out of my online life. I respect those who manage to just say "Fuck you Google, I'm sick of your shit, I'm going cold turkey".

But these platforms are feeding us heroin-laced candy.

All your coworkers friends and family with their oled-lit zombiefaces, staring at tiny screens, all absent-mindedly grasping your ankles whispering "aww take one more hit with us, check out this funny youtube clip, let me send it to you on whatsapp.... what you don't have whatsapp? You deleted your facebook? don't you love grandma anymore? Why do you hate your family?"

Before you know it, you watched ten episodes about cultivating cactuses, have a year subscription to brilliant, skillshare, squarespace and 3 different organic foodboxes are delivered to your door, Netflix is spamming you about a cupcake baking show, and you're thinking about same-day delivery for a baseball bat so you can just beat the crap out of every pretty glass display you see.

I want to break up with you, Internet.

I love you, but I hate you.

Since you passed 2.0, you have grown into a manipulative bitch.

I just don't know if I'm strong enough. It's all "let's just be friends" with you, but I know you'll be trying to reel me back in.

Before I know it, you're feeding me cookies once again, and I'll end up balls deep with your trackers stuck to my dick.

Privacy & security violations piss me off. Not to the point that I'll write on devRant about it, but to the point that coworkers get afraid from the bloodthirsty look in my eyes.

I know all startups proclaim this, but the one I work at is kind of industry-disrupting. Think Uber vs taxi drivers... so we have real, malicious enemies.

Yet there's still this mindset of "it won't happen to us" when it comes to data leaks or corporate spying.

Me: "I noticed we are tracking our end users without their consent, and store not just the color of their balls, but also their favorite soup flavor and how often they've cheated on their partner, as plain text in the system for every employee to read"

Various C-randomletter-Os: "Oh wow indubitably most serious indeed! Let's put 2 scrumbag masters on the issue, we will tackle this in a most agile manner! We shall use AI blockchains in the elastic cloud to encrypt those ball-colors!"

NO WHAT I MEANT WAS WHY THE FUCK DO WE EVEN STORE THAT INFORMATION. IT DOES IN NO WAY RELATE TO OUR BUSINESS!

"No reason, just future requirements for our data scientists"

I'M GRABBING A HARDDRIVE SHREDDER, THE DB SERVER GOES FIRST AND YOUR PENIS RIGHT AFTER THAT!

(if it's unclear, ball color was an optimistic euphemism for what boiled down to an analytics value which might as well have been "nigger: yes/no")

I fucking hate python and myself even more. Python is easy they say, Python has nice syntax but fuck you . Fuck you seriously I cringe if I see non-c-like syntax. Every time I leave my comfort zone I get fucked over by damn semicolons. Fuck this imports i don't know your damn library. But god damn In far too advanced for hello world. There are two versions and the lib I want to use is incompatible? Well fuck me? That kind of shit never hit me on PHP. Damn me! Fuck you python. I want to know you but you fuck me harder than life. GEHÖRT? DU FICKST MICH HÄRTE ALS DAS LEBEN DU HURENSOHN!!!!

What is even your problem? Indentation? Well thank you for not having braces! I mean come on I try, I really do. I know you are different but every thing I want to learn about you is either for uber beginners or so advanced I don't even know what's going on. Do magical shit in a few lines? What the fuck is in those packages? A wizard full filling whishes like "plz make this work"?

But don't worry you cum snorting unicorn as much as I hate you I'm more mad about me for not being a descendant of fucking slytherin!

The list would be quite long.

I think Google is still making good tools, but just like Apple the integrations get all so tight and constricting... And with their data, if it goes wrong, it will go wrong hard.

I feel like YouTube is gliding into a state where cheap clickbait floats to the top and finding quality gets more difficult as well, their algorithm is more and more tuned to choose recent popular stuff over good older gems.

Microsoft is all pretend lovey dovey cuddling open source, but I'm still suspicious it's all a hug of death. I was never a big fan, but they're seriously dropping balls when it comes to windows-as-a-service, taking away so much personal control from end users even though they can't be trusted to babysit either.

Amazon is creeping it's way through the internet, charging $10/m to join the vip club infesting houses with spytubes to sell more plastic crap. Bezos' only right to keep wasting oxygen is BlueOrigin, but he'll probably fuck that up as well turning spaceflight into a decadent prime consumer orgy instead of something inspiring.

Facebook... Well, that's self explanatory. Fuck it, everything it pretends to be, and everyone who still has an account with a rusty spike.

Uber and AirBnB, with their fake ass mission of a green shared economy, but they trample over employees, customers and neighbors to build their ivory towers of progressive illusions.

Then there's a million declining brands.

I liked Skype for example when it was first released, Just like how I started out liking (and then hating) Discord, Slack, etc... They're all tools which seem fast and easy, but then they get us further away from solid protocols, get us entrenched into limiting, bloated and sometimes even dangerous tools. As my dad used to say: "Companies are like women, if you go for cheap, fast and easy you'll end up with a burning dick and half your savings gone"

You know what, fuck all tech companies.

OK, devrant is still pretty nice... For now.

Fuck Uber!

I requested an Uber to take me Chicago Midway Airport.

They driver takes me to a different airport over an hour away! I nearly missed my flight because he didn't follow directions. To add insult to a shitty situation he charged me an extra $40 for his mistake.

This morning I requested a refund and noted the driver took a long route. They had the nerve to reply and blame it on me! Claiming the drop-off location was not the location original specified. Mother fuckers I have a screen shot!

I am astounded that they would stoop to such low levels as to shift the blame to me. I suppose they were betting I didn't have a screen shot.

Well, time to try lift!

Booked an Uber...
ETA: 10 minutes...
*Checks 4 minutes later*
ETA: 12 minutes...
*Calls the driver to confirm pick up*
*waits for another 4 minutes*
ETA: 8 minutes
*Types in this rant with passive aggression*
ETA: 10 minutes...

So, I've waited 10 minutes after an initial ETA of 10 minutes and now I gotta wait 10 minutes extra.

Arggghhhhhh!

I'm not sure who the fuck is at fault here?
The devs? The ones who design the flow? The ones handling the execution at low levels?
Or us, the customers who keep on coming back to their services succumbed to the fact that we don't have many options!

Update: I've had to wait for half an hour till my cab could reach me.
HALF AN HOUR = Practically the time it would have taken me to walk to the cab!

!dev

I'm so goddamm fucking tired of this fucking shitty ed sheeran fucking.

Fuck ed sheeran, fuck this bland predictible squared music.

I mean, not him, the music.

Jesus fucking christ, every fucking uber I take this shit ass song is playing.

I heard this song like 50 times already, I'm not even fucking kidding.

This is the musical equivalent of being a passive smoker.

The Setting:

Ola Cabs (One of the biggest competitors of Uber, for those who don’t know) comes to college to recruit software devs:

✅ Pre-placement talk

Now time for the aptitude/code round. Hackerearth used as the solution to run the test and compile code, as well as check the result immediately. Or so I thought.

3 programming questions, 2 hours.

The problem:
Me: *Write the code for the first question* (and I know it’s correct)

Me: Clicks “Compile and run”

Compiler: *Compiling*

*LITERALLY ONE FUCKING HOUR LATER*

Compiler: *Still compiling*

Hackerearth. What a fucking joke. Though the course of the HOUR I waited, I kept questioning the recruiter head from Ola and his response was:

Recruiter: “Try the other program, it’s possibly a problem with your code. I’ll check at my backend also, hold on.”

YOU FUCKING DIMWIT. MY CODE IS PERFECT AND EVEN IF IT WASN’T IT WOULDN’T TAKE MORE THAN A MINUTE (If you’re factoring in absolutely worst cases) TO COMPILE THIS SMALL ASS FUCKING PROBLEM’S CODE.

In the meanwhile I even coded one of the other remaining questions’ solution and the shit still didn’t work.

At the end of the 2 hour time limit, I’d finished code for all 3, the recruiter stops us all from coding and says:

Recruiter: “Just submit your code, we will evaluate it and get back to you.”

Like fucking hell, asshole.

*One hour post interview*

EVERYONE who attempted the aptitude code round (At least 30 of us) receive messages on our phones:

“Unfortunately you did not clear the aptitude round and we will not be able to take your application forward.”

FUCK YOU OLA. IN ONE FUCKING HOUR YOU “EVALUATED” ALL OF OUR CODE? FUCK YOU HACKEREARTH FOR YOUR SHIT FUCKING EXECUTION OF A “SOLUTION”. Maybe test your own fucking product before offering a solution to companies.

Fucking lost opportunity.

The level of desire to give my boss a positive klap right now is too damned high.

Cunt flies us across the country to work 4-5 hours of unpaid overtime every day for a week to fix his Royal fuck up, some of my guys decide they gonna take the later uber into work cuz we gonna grab a run or an extra hours sleep cuz we fucking tired after a 13 hour day and this is the shit we get:

No wonder they call it Slaapstad 😜 - guys, no later than 8am at the office please so we can make a collective start.

Every bad recruiter ever...

---

Hello {name},

I recently came across your CV and {empty compliment}.

Would you be interested in me making 20-40% commission on your yearly salary for doing next to nothing other than make you miserable in 3-6 months time by promising the world and delivering nothing?.

Look forward to making money off you...

{recruiter},
Super Mega Uber Extreme Ltd.

---

Seriously, fuck bad recruiters...

Okay, so yesterday was crazy. So crazy, in fact, that I'm not even typing this on my phone. I'm typing it on an LG G4.

So, I took an Uber out to a Sprint store I'd been told did repairs. My phone's vibrator was broken. So, basically I thought just like that R&M episode "20 minutes adventure in and out" - only to find out they'd need to wipe my goddamn phone, and then send it to Texas. I now have to wait 6 days for my phone lmfao.

So, in the meantime, they took an hour to get me this G4 which makes me miss all the finer things in life - I miss my USB-C and not having to give a damn about how I plug it in and I miss my fingerprint reader (I know, I'm a lazy fuck with first-world problems. I don't care to hear about how fucking stupid I am for either of those thoughts, STFU). Also the G4 is prone to hardware failures, so they said they weren't too happy about giving me this, but it's the only one with NFC.

So in the middle of setup, the Sprint store's power went out. FUUUUUUCK. The phone was pretty much at 5% battery and was being slow as hell, so you can just about imagine the irritation me and this guy had when the phone died in the middle of setup.

The next thing is an unrelated story, but I'm sure some of you older guys here will love this. I was at a place called Triangle Park last night. I go there for burgers, but they also have a bar. Sometimes I get sent to the bar and the bartender gets me my food. So last night I went to pick the food up from the bar for takeout.

The bartender must've had an accident and messed something up, so she told me to sit at the bar. I thought it was obvious I was only 19, so I barely sat. I'm literally not old enough to sit at the bar, even though when I was younger my dad and his friends used to let me sit with them because I had a history of saying stupid shit that made his friends laugh. Nonetheless, I sat with my ass hanging off the edge because I knew it was wrong :/

She comes back and asks what type of drink I want. I had to tell her that I was 19. I wasn't gonna sit here and lie because I'm pretty sure she could've lost her job for serving a minor. I exited and waited in the lobby.

But are we at the point where 19-year-olds look like 25-year-olds? I don't want to think about this because it means I'm getting older. That's a lot to take in. Later in the night it was still gnawing at my gut.

Yesterday was one hella day man.

Grab app notifications system sucks to the max. Actually the whole Grab app sucks when it compared to Uber.

But fucking Uber is expensive and high and all mighty. They are like hey our app is the best, so use if you want or fuck off.

Grab. They are not expensive and they do shit tons of promotions and gives much more coupons. But all the news are sent to that buggy NOTIFICATIONS page and that fucking page is buggy as shit.

I wonder that they are doing it intentionally. Hey give lots of promotions. Just make it hard as fuck for people to access and use it.

I work at company that uses Drupal for everything. And i mean EVERYTHING. Our dumb CTO once even wanted us to join tender for flight data collection system... of course it would run on fucking drupal...

Yeah i can see its advantages but it has learning curve the shape of the snail shell and if you want it to do something new you either find module for it or drupal will start crying, shits itself and tell you to go fuck yourself.. also it is full of surprises to make your day as miserable as possible, like you send variable as $content['varname'] to user template and it returns as $user_profile['varname']['value']... and yes user template has $content array for content but why use it for storing content that i want to render.. it is used for other content to render... because in drupal content != content...

I started using laravel for my freelance projects and it took my less than 2 week to get up to speed and start working and is incredible fast to work in... You know.. its fun when you want to just add feature you just code that feature into your app.. and not spend 2 fucking years crawling through retarded preprocess functions...

Whenever i try to suggest we use other frameworks.. "Muh drupal has MODULES".. yeah because drupal is the only thing in universe that has modules.. When client has only need for simple site with simple template why use wordpress and have it done in 2 days when you can use drupal have 10 000 unnecessary DB queries that drupal does on every page load to load page title and make that site in a week.. or why use laravel for e-shop with specific functionality requested by client that would take 2 weeks to add in laravel when you can spend 2 months modifing uber-cart or drupal commerce modules only to hit some Drupal core surprise that wont allow for that feature to be implemented...

well, i just screwed what might have been a great opportunity at a great company with a recent capital injection by Uber.

I don't know what the hell my brain was thinking when answering at the technical interview, like wtf? they asked for an use of design patterns, and i started thinking for uses in my daily life (???), like, outside of work?? to which of course i answered "no, I can't think of a time I have used them" 🤡🤦🏻‍♂️

They asked what motivated me to work at that company, and I basically answered "money and free education perks" 🤡

The worst part is that they contacted me! So for some reason I was pretty sure that I would ace that interview with flying colors. Yeah well no, fuck those expectations.

Fuck Uber eats and it's changibg fucking requirements to use their 20 dollar promo !

And who the fuck uses Facebook ?

Uber drunk and have to get up in 3 hours for lots of meetings hooray 😵. Anyways, my boss saved my from my hell scape of a team that I was on an now I actually feel like I can contribute. Fuck anyone who tells me how to design shit. I’m really good at making stuff good - and anyone who says different is a fucking idiot.

Holy fuck is firebase a uber-AIDS-ridden slimy cunt of a platform. How the fuck is it impossible to give a simple wanking message during deployment of what is going pissingly wrong???
I'd have a lovely smile on my face when I could put the responsible devs at a wall and melt them to ashes with my blazing flamethrower.
3 fucking hours of searching and trying all kinds of shit out and still no clue why the fuck my functions don't appear in their stinking cloud cunthole, I mean console.
Devour a pile of fresh smelly turds, wankers!

WTF with Uber Eats. Finally I had some amount left in my salary. I ordered food via Uber eats and they charged me. After sometime they restaurant not accepted my order and cancelled it. I paid for and I don't have an extra money for ordering. The repayment says it will repay in after 7 days. After Contacting customer care number, it is only priority for the ordered customers only. I'm starving now...Fuck this morning and Uber eats. Any devs from that shitty company take care of that flaw...they are taking this as a fucky business...
What a flaw...taking is faster and repayment takes 7 days...
Seriously out of my mind....fuck...fuck....

!dev && rant

So yesterday we landed in 'Nam and started our journey from the south to the north (applied for a Visa online and still waited 2 hours in the airport for the officer to approve it)..
We tried to catch a Grab (Vietnamese Uber) to the hotel but obviously 99% of locals don't speak English so it was impossible to communicate with them (they call you and just start yappin Vietnamese). Eventually we gave up and tried the local cabs. Of course they try to rip you off for more than triple the price but that's cool. Vietnamese cab meters measure distance not time so the first cab just told us to get off after 100m or so but at least he stopped another cab for us and didn't charge us.
Ho chi Minh City is quite nice though a bit too dirty for me. Every breath you take feels like 3 cigarettes.
Vietnamese war museums like to victimize and praise their legendary leader Ho Chi Minh.
The reason I'm telling you all this is because at the moment I'm traveling to Dalat from Ho Chi Minh City via a sleeper bus and it is fucking terrible. 6 hours drive, bumpy ride, I sleep by the friggin engine so it's always hot. AC is shit and there are 5 more hours to go. I hid Uncle Benjamin in my underwear so I won't get robbed during the night. He is not happy about it. Fuck me. Btw this whole experience was just day one.
The only reason I'm even willing to go through all of this is because me and the miss celebrated 7 years in Aug (no ring yet fyi).
If you made it this far congrats.
I might post follow ups so stay tuned.

Some really motivated guy.

He apparently wants to monitore his opensource application on his spare time.
His application is likely to have no users though.
But well, that guy looks like kinda montivated.

For professional purpose, guy already did monitore with newrelic.
Seems like he was not satisfied and switched to datadog 3 years ago.
But liking digging dirt, he migrated to self hosted telegraf/influx/grafana (which he likes to about)

Today that guy is not in his company but on his potatoe machine in the cloud. So he wants to be minimalistic, datadog should do.

Now you got it, random ff*** is me, on a weekend, a shinny saturday for that matter.
Actually now it is night.

Now let's start the fight.

I have datadog scripts!
But datadog be sneaky as well. datadog upgraded to v6 8=)
-> scripts ain't working. outdated.

I check the logs. Too bad!
-> datadog removed dogstatsD.log in v6!

Well I have nothing to do in my life it is too cold outside as they say. I read the (sluggy) datadoc and tries some shell command (given in doc) to upload some events to dogstatsd (via udp).
-> Nothing happens, neither in local nor in remote.

ok maybe command not up to date, so let me try some official library. datadog from python. Feels like a nice try!
-> only available for python >= 3.5. 3.4 on my good ol' jessie. Upgrading os for datadog not acceptable.

Maybe dogstatsD not started... doc says it is by default, but well, not the first time doc is wrong... I put datadog as log verbose. Guess what: as per standard: shitload of error.

Digging... kubexx, docker and whatsoever apparently preventing collector to do its normal stuff
np, I am gonna check that on github! Goog, people have the same errors. They seem to fix it by trying some settings, with. or without luck
-> I am not that warrior to check every stuff

Ok, let's stop the datadog events, it works. It does not anymore. You know that sentence. We all know it.

Still not enough!

How about testing that uber super nice feature of v6. The logs. After all I want to make events out of my applicative logs.
How about reading the log again. Configure the yaml log as they say. Done. Make some pattern. Read the best practive. Done. Configures the yaml. Done. Now testing.
-> remote datadog interface be like: no logs for you dude you need to pay

ff***f*f*f

Fuck datadog, fuck that v6 version, good old tail -Fxx | someaggreate.js|sendmail will do...