The golden ratio !!!

This is golden
Source: sandraandwoo.com

Working from home yesterday when I got an angry call from an ex-client. (We don't work with her anymore because she is known to be extremely unreasonable)

After a couple of minutes of uninterupted yelling i politely told her i'd put her through to my hairy higher up "Sjors" whose in charge of these matters.

Seemingly pleased with this development of getting to talk with a higher up she actually managed to stay quiet for a minute while i was walking downstairs. Only to go into full yelling mode again the second i said "thanks for waiting here he is"

Sjors was more than happy to take the call while chewing his bone. Slobbering about.

It took about two full minutes before she realised my colleague is in fact my ever loyal golden retreiver.

She hasnt called back anymore afaik. 🙃

Mother of god, was listening to the US govt hearing of zuckerberg about the recent scandals. The amount of very fucking simple obvious questions he 'could not' answer normally...

Govt person: Would you be willing to change Facebook's business model if this was required for the security and privacy of Facebook users' accounts?

Zuck: I don't understand your question.

Sorry, WHAT?! You don't need particular rocket science to understand what's being asked here. A combination of common sense and knowing the English language and English grammar in combination with maybe having finished some form of education should be enough to understand this ridiculously easy question.

Do you need it written on a golden plate with fucking blue letters in Facebook's font with the S letters as dollar signs while drinking 10 gallons of 'fuck every persons privacy'?!

Or maybe shoving it up your ass in the form of heated/glowing metal letters of 10+ inches in height? We could arrange that as well.

I wrote a Student Information system for my midterm project back in 94 written in Clipper and runs on MS-DOS.

I demoed & explained to the panel of professors how it tracks enrollments, payments, class schedules, grades and attendance of each and every student. Has user authentication, auditing and reporting functionalities.
It has a lite version also written in Clipper that can be installed on a Professor's laptop so that he/she can update records even at home, and would be able to sync with the db at school via a BBS. Telix for DOS (self-taught) was my choice for the BBS as it was shareware, has built-in Zmodem support and comes with it's own programming language called SALT (Script Application Language for Telix) that can be used for automating tasks. The lite version of my project would dump the updates on an ASCII file, compress the file using PKZIP, use the laptop's modem to dial-up the number to the school's BBS and send the file across using Zmodem protocol.
The main version would then download the file(s) from the BBS and proceed to do a sync.

After the doing the demo and answering all their questions the panel asked me to wait outside the room, called me back in after 15mins and told me that I don't have to attend that class for the remainder of the term. The happiness as the my classmates outside of the room gawked at me felt like King Midas himself gave my balls his golden touch.

Then in 97, 2yrs after I graduated, I accompanied my cousins to a different campus of the same school for their enrollment and right there on the bottom of the screen were my initials on a very very familiar UI! They actually used, and were still using, my school project. Needless to say my cousins didn't believe that it was written by me.

Golden words of wisdom

Trying to debug something ... someone is looking for attention

The bloke that I share my office with is asleep on the job. Ffs, can I get any support around here?

This working remotely from home thing, just isn’t panning out

You can find some golden comments deep inside github repos 😂

Just for fun I am making an RPG Maker game called "IT Quest" where you go on a 40 hour long quest just to get the security team to modify a user. The game will feature tons of mandatory side quests and a convoluted plot that requires descending into the depths of the server room to find a virgin followed by a sacrificial ritual over the broken fax machine. And ultimately the security team just closes your request without telling you why and you have to fight the final boss of the game, Zeromus who runs security. When you defeat him you get the golden CAT5 cable of time which you beat the person who closed your request with until he reopens it and does his damned job.

TABLE BASED WEB DESIGN

I was surprised there were no rants about this topic before I realized it was more than a decade back 😳

We've never had it better! So to help add a little perspective for all those ranting about what is unarguably the golden age for web developers... let me fill you in on web dev in the late 90's;

JavaScript was a joke. No seriously! - I once got laughed out of the room for suggesting we try use it for more than disabling a button - (I wanted to check out the new XHR request thingy [read AJAX]).

HTML was simple and purely a markup language (with the exception of the marquee tag). The tags were basically just p,ul,ol,h*,form inputs,img and table and html took 10 minutes to learn. Any style was inline and equally crude - anything that wasn't crude could not be trusted and probably wouldn't render at all in most browsers (never mind render correctly).

There were rumors of a style TAG and something called a cascading style sheet which were received with much skepticism since it went against the old ways and any time saved would be lost writing multiple [IE version specific] style sheets for each browser just to get it to work - so we simply didn't.

No CSS meant the only tags you had to work with to create a structured layout were br, hr and table... so naturally EVERYTHING was in nested tables! JS callback hell can't touch this! - it was not uncommon to have 50+ nested tables all with inline style in a single page which would be edited without any dev tools or linting.

You would spend 30 minutes scanning td tags until your eyes bled to find something, make a change, ftp the file to the server, reload the web page and then spend 10 minutes staring at the devastation on your screen convinced you broke
the internet before spotting an un-closed td tag with your bloodshot eyes.

Tables were not just a silver bullet - they were the ONLY bullet and were in the wild west!

Q: Want an inline form or to align your inputs left?
A: Duh table!

Q: Want a border with round-corners, a shadow or blur?
A: That's easy! Your gonna want to put that table in the center cell of another table then crop a image of the border into 6 smaller images to put in the surrounding cells... oh and then spend 10 minutes fucking with mystical attributes like cell-padding and valign to get them flush.

...But hey at least on the bright-side vertically & horizontally centering stuff was a breeze!

Tester: I'm going to start testing your Android code. How do I set up it?

Me: just bring me an Android test device and I'll show you

Tester: *comes back holding a big golden phone*

Me: *huh? Haven't seen that Android device before... I wonder which manufacturer made it*

Tester: *puts down golden phone on my desk* here you go!

Me: 😱😱😱😱
...
HUH? This is an iPhone!!!!
😩😱😧😖😰😫😵😱😱

I got my first own office... We did it. We just painted our mini Iranian office in two nights and we about to code it,has 5 min distance to our college and it's a golden opportunity to work and study at the same time.

Met a girl who was into computer hardware...
She told me that she's been thinking about starting to code...
As a first, I introduced her to Devrant.
*A few moments later*
Her: Wow!
*A golden halo appears on my head*

Should I ever design a programming language, I'll aim for the golden middle course and let arrays start at 0.5.

I hate you Mac!

Your love,
Me

From a beginner-level book teaching Ruby on Rails, published ~2010. I do not care you're a beginner book, do it right.

They attempted to justify their actions, but since I can only post one image, I'll put it in a comment. It is golden.

I'M FUCKING SICK OF HOLDING MY SELF TO DON'T MAKE OTHERS LOOK LIKE STUPID, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ANYMORE ,NEXT YEAR IS MY TIME TO STAND AND LET PEOPLE KNOW WHO I AM. IF YOU FUCKERS CANT ACKNOWLEDGE THAT EVEN THOUGHT THIS COMPANY'S PRODUCT ISN'T SOFTWARE BUT YOU ARE FUCKING WASTING A GOLDEN RESOURCE ( DEV TEAM ) WITH FUCKING USELESS CRUDS AND USELESS SITES NO ONE FUCKING CARES ABOUT I'M GONNA LEAVE.

College can be one of the worst investments for an IT career ever.

I've been in university for the past 3 years and my views on higher education have radically changed from positive to mostly cynical.

This is an extremely polarizing topic, some say "your college is shite", "#notall", "you complain too much", and to all of you I am glad you are happy with your expensive toilet paper and feel like your dick just grew an inch longer, what I'll be talking about is my personal experience and you may make of it what you wish. I'm not addressing the best ivy-league Unis those are a whole other topic, I'll talk about average Unis for average Joes like me.

Higher education has been the golden ticket for countless generations, you know it, your parents believe in it and your grandparents lived it. But things are not like they used to be, higher education is a failing business model that will soon burst, it used to be simple, good grades + good college + nice title = happy life.

Sounds good? Well fuck you because the career paths that still work like that are limited, like less than 4.

The above is specially true in IT where shit moves so fast and furious if you get distracted for just a second you get Paul Walkered out of the Valley; companies don't want you to serve your best anymore, they want grunt work for the most part and grunts with inferiority complex to manage those grunts and ship the rest to India (or Mexico) at best startups hire the best problem solvers they can get because they need quality rather than quantity.

Does Uni prepare you for that? Well...no, the industry changes so much they can't even follow up on what it requires and ends up creating lousy study programs then tells you to invest $200k+ in "your future" for you to sweat your ass off on unproductive tasks to then get out and be struck by jobs that ask for knowledge you hadn't even heard off.

Remember those nights you wasted drawing ER diagrams while that other shmuck followed tutorials on react? Well he's your boss now, but don't worry you will wear your tired eyes, caffeine saturated breath and overweight with pride while holding your empty title, don't get me wrong I've indulged in some rough play too but I have noticed that 3 months giving a project my heart and soul teaches me more than 6 months of painstakingly pleasing professors with big egos.

And the soon to be graduates, my God...you have the ones that are there for the lulz, the nerds that beat their ass off to sustain a scholarship they'll have to pay back with interests and the ones that just hope for the best. The last two of the list are the ones I really feel bad for, the nerds will beat themselves over and over to comply with teacher demands not noticing they are about to graduate still versioning on .zip and drive, the latter feel something's wrong but they have no chances if there isn't a teacher to mentor them.

And what pisses me off even more is the typical answers to these issues "you NEED the title" and "you need to be self taught". First of all bitch how many times have we heard, seen and experienced the rejection for being overqualified? The market is saturated with titles, so much so they have become meaningless, IT companies now hire on an experience, economical and likeability basis. Worse, you tell me I need to be self taught, fucker I've been self taught for years why would I travel 10km a day for you to give me 0 new insights, slacking in my face or do what my dog does when I program (stare at me) and that's just on the days you decide to attend!

But not everything is bad, college does give you three things: networking, some good teachers and expensive dead tree remnants, is it worth the price tag, not really, not if you don't need it.

My broken family is not one of resources and even tho I had an 80% scholarship at the second best uni of my country I decided I didn't need the 10+ year debt for not sleeping 4 years, I decided to go to the 3rd in the list which is state funded; as for that decision it worked out as I'm paying most of everything now and through my BS I've noticed all of the above, I've visited 4 universities in my country and 4 abroad and even tho they have better everything abroad it still doesn't justify some of the prices.

If you don't feel like I do and you are happy, I'm happy for you. My rant is about my personal experience which is kind of in the context of IT higher education in the last ~8 years.

Just letting some steam off and not regretting most of my decisions.

Show up on time.

Be prepared.

Have a list of things that need to be covered if you're leading the meeting.

Stay on track, don't let people start talking out of one tangent, I tend to suggest people discuss it afterwards or email about it.

Take the meeting seriously, otherwise other people will not.

Know how to talk a language everyone understands. Sometimes people with key info just aren't very technical.

Following Ely's golden rules for meetings, my meetings are rarely longer than 20 minutes.

I know it's not done yet but OOOOOH boy I'm proud already.

Writing a JSON parser in Lua and MMMM it can parse arrays! It converts to valid Lua types, respects the different quotation marks, works with nested objects, and even is fault-tolerant to a degree (ignoring most invalid syntax)

Here's the JSON array I wrote to test, the call to my function, and another call to another function I wrote to pretty print the result. You can see the types are correctly parsed, and the indentation shows the nested structure! (You can see the auto-key re-start at 1)

Very proud. Just gotta make it work for key/value objects (curly bracket bois) and I'm golden! (Easier said than done. Also it's 3am so fuck, dude)

Vscode golden tips:
Rule #1: the less extensions you installed, the less trouble you get into.

There is no rule #2

A few months ago my now boss, then he was my mentor and school teacher asked for my help with a feature, said he had tried for some time and couldnt get around it, I solved it with regex in less than a day, and the company is like the golden standard of my region. The issue itaelf wasnt hard but being able to help my mentor was pretty cool

This year's golden hammer at my company: async

Translated this golden bit from the Norwegian comic "Lunch" for you guys👍🏻

Frame 3:
Kjell: You see? Worn out again!
Tech: I can see that. How about we only replace the keys not working.

Frame 4:
Tech: ctrl + c ... and?
Kjell: V

😁🤓🎉

Somewhere in a lonely break room
There's a guy starting to realize that eternal hell has been unleashed unto him.
It's two a.m.

It's two a.m.
The boss has gone
I'm sitting here waitin'
This desktop's slow
I am getting tired of fixin' all my coworkers' problems
Yeah there's a bug on the loose
Errors in the code
This is unreadable
Rubber ducky can't help
I cannot debug, my whole life spins into a frenzy

Help I'm slippin' into the programming zone
Git push to the prod
Set up a repo
My hard drive just crashed
All my code is gone
Where am I to go
Now that I've broke my distro
Soon you will come to know
When you need Stack Overflow
Soon you will come to know
When you need Stack Overflow

I'm falling down a spiral
Solution unkown
Disgusting legacy, ugly code
Can't get no connection
Can't get through to commit

Well the night weights heavy
On my confused mind
Where's the error on this line
When the CEO comes
He knows damn well
To keep his distance
And he says

Help I'm slippin' into the programming zone
Git push to the prod
Set up a repo
My hard drive just crashed
All my code is gone
Where am I to go
Now that I've broke my distro
Soon you will come to know
When you need Stack Overflow
Soon you will come to know
When you need Stack Overflow
When you need Stack Overflow

When you need Stack Overflow, a ha
When you need Stack Overflow
When you need Stack Overflow, a ha
When you need Stack Overflow

When you need Stack Overflow, a ha
When you need Stack Overflow
When you need Stack Overflow, a ha
When you need Stack Overflow

Story from back in college..

It was the golden days of Flash Facebook applications. I have developed a very simple Rubik's cube solver in Acton Script 3. I was testing it out at the back seat of the class during the first day of Advanced OOP in Java module.
Our lecturer was going on and on about how awesome Java was and what all you can do with it. After a while he said "do you know this thing called Rubik's cube?" **explains what it is for a while** "Some people have even made software to solve Rubik's cube with Java. Can you make something like that?"

I was like "you mean like this one?" Pointing to the app on my laptop.

Hey I got reminded of a funny story.

A friend of mine and me were in internships in the same company. The company was specialized in territory resources management (managing water for agriculture, money to build industrial zones...). He got the interesting internship (water predictory modeling) and I got... The repairs of a reference sheet manager that never happened to work. It was in C# and ASP.NET and I was in second year of CS. I expected the code to be nice and clear since it was made by a just graduated engineer with +5years of studies.

I was very wrong.

This guy may never have touched a web server in his life, used static variables to keep sessions instead of... well... sessions, did code everything in the pages event handlers (even LinQ stuff et al) and I was told to make it maintainable, efficient and functional in 2 months. There were files with +32k LoC.

After 1week of immense despair, I decided I will refactor all the code. Make nice classes, mapping layer, something close to a MVC... So I lost time and got scoled for not being able to make all the modifications as fast as in a cleanly designed code...

After 4 weeks, everything was refactored and I got to wait for the design sheets to change some crystal report views.

At this moment I began to understand were was the problem in this company.

My friend next door got asked to stop his modeling stuff for an emergency project. He had to make an XML converter for our clients to be able to send decentralized electrics bills, and if it was not completed within a week, they would no longer be able to pay until it is done.

This XML converter was a project scheduled 5 years before that. Nobody wanted to do it.

At the same time, I was waiting for the Com Department to give me the design views.

I never saw the design views. Spent one month implementing a golden ratio calculator with arbitrary precision because they ain't give me anything to do until the design were implemented.

Ended with a poor grade because "the work wasn't finished".

God damnit!
i recently inspected the c# sourcecode of a webservice, our webservice develop references to.

As i discovered a particular function in it, my face went instantly pale.

This golden-hammer function consists of ~2000 lines of code.
In the first line there is "try {".
On the last lines is "catch (Exception e) { throw new SomethingWentWrongException ("special function"); }"

At least, he "tried" xD

I don't want to develop on that planet anymore...

So how do you deal with the "brilliant jerk" who is the CEO's golden chlid?

Seriously - this is one of the biggest challenges of my professional career. I have team members that have begged to not be on projects with him and others that have threatened to quit if he ever moves into a leadership role.

Has anyone dealt with this?

My company has two offices in separate cities but they treat each the devs of each location very very differently.

In one office the devs get full power to experiment with whatever tech they want, they just stomp their feet and management gives em whatever they ask for, freedom of choice regarding anything they are working on, to be allowed to do greenfield work or experimental stuff

But in my office we are forced to do ONLY. Bug fixing and refactoring shitty code from over a decade a go, our tech is ancient and we are not allowed to to
Shit , anything we ask for is denied
And improvements to our process is shut down with the reasoning that whatever we got works so why meddle ??

For us , management is solely focussed on making sure we respond to support calls , deployments , configurations and little bug fixing. Basically they only care that we manage to finish for out next delivery.
No new work whatsoever!
If there is any hint of something new to to
Implemented the golden boys from the other office just stopm their feet tillmthey get it or just go off and start working on it then seek permission afterwards, with their much larger team they obviously get further than we do by the time management hears about it so they end up taking over the work since they already have more done already

My manager decided to push us to attend a company devCon to share ideas with our devs from our other location. This rapidly turned into a sour experience

Basically we do all shitty boring work which puts money on the table which goes straight to those idiots to play with...

They have the guts to laugh when we mentioned that we never get anything interesting to work on

Never seen so many of our devs looking up job sites on the bus back...
This is gonna blow up in management's face...

one of my friend has a golden finger👈, he could break your system with one touch, once he borrowed my laptop to update fb status, I saw him literally hit the enter key once, the pc got a blue screen and then rebooted with error, I have to reinstall OS to fix it. I asked around, he did this trick many times😱😱. I guess he could get some profit from this gift😂😂😂

I love Test-Driven Development!

And because of that fact, my heart shatters into thousands of pieces, when I recognize error events on our production nodes which are pointing onto a golden hammer function in a legacy project.

This particular function has about 300 lines with a bunch of subfunction calls and instantiations of helper-classes returning information for workflow.

Refactoring this code to apply proper unit-tests requires a way bigger investment than simply deal with 30 eventlogs a day, because this kind of payment is barely used by customers of our webshop.

This fact is a little itch each day of my work.

Guess it will make me go insane one day
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

xD

*Me looking for work from home internships*

*Doesn't find any internships relevant to my skills*

*Finds this internship ad*

*Immediately applies to this golden opportunity*

It says "See ya!"

Are you trying to be social?

Recently i had a small talk with someone working in the banking sector . When that person acknowledged what i do for a living , she started to be a little bit passive-agressive .
Her:"You know someday , sooner than later , a guy like you is going to create something like artificial intelligence to replace all the devs in the world . Ha ha ha ! And your golden age is going to end . "
Me:"So you think this guy is going to create a smart program , software or platform , that will create software from what ? "
Her:" We will write the specs directly in the program and we will get the software after !"
Me:"And what if the specs are impossible, from logical point of view. "
Her:" Well there will be some rules and you will need to respect them !"
Me: "And people need to learn the logic of these rules?"
Her: " Yes a little bit of training!"
Me:" We already have that !"
Her: " We have ?! "
Me: " Is called .... CODING !"
Her: **silence **
(I remembered the burn from a comic -- forgot the name-- but GOD it felt good !)
Why some people hate us ?

Fight over email thread

From: manager
To: Sr. Manager
CC: ME
Subject: blah blah blah

Me: just chill

In a forum far far away...
<user> I need help understanding something about this library.
<various users> This is how it works. This is something to consider. Here is a good way to learn all of this. etc Really helpful people.
<user> I would say more about what I want to do, but I don't want to receive any more "mouthful of unsolicited advises ".

Really? You fucking ask a question on a forum about what you want to learn. Everyone there takes it seriously and provides some really golden shit on how to learn the topic. Then you shit on them for daring to provide ways to learn the topic?

I don't know if this is a language barrier, or if they are using Google translate. I have no idea. But they come across as an asshole.

Golden reaction.

Source : found it on Zuckerbook(Facebook)

@dfox what would you say about a "following" feature?

Because I've noticed some absolute regular golden rants coming from some of the same ranters on here and would be cool to never miss the stuff they come out with.

What is your golden rule as a developer?

I was waiting in the lobby of a recuiting place, hearing all their speeches. All super generic stuff, like "I looked at your resume and I have a bunch of cutting edge opportunities in the pipeline that are going fast, which I think you are a perfect fit for!" Which I don't argue is always invalid, just after hearing the same copy and paste speech, you start to wonder.

I even saw a few stand up and wave their hands around while trying to make a meh position sound like the latest golden egg.

I left with a feeling that recuiters would be a great inspiration for a "Wolf of Wall street" styled movie.

(2 months old in a company)
Team members to me: we are always there for you. Ask anything you need for.

Me(today): can you please discuss this topic with me?
Team member A: I'm sorry I'm busy
Me: okay

Me: can you please discuss this topic with me?

Team member B: I got to catch the train now.
Me: we catch same train. Let's discuss during the commute.
Team member B: NO. We will not get two seats together (it's easy to find two seats).

me (in my mind): I really need help here.
Me: okay

I'll tell you the only time... The only times I'll fuck up.

When something changes. That's it.

Nothing else causes me to fuck anything up.

My code gets more and more messy the more people go oh change that ,😐 can that be a capital .... Hold on that box should be smaller

😤😡 Messy = I fuck up.

Now that might well be something I need to work on !

But if you send me twenty emails all with minor things that take seconds to change 😡 I will care less about your project , that makes me lazy.

If you want your project to be perfect on launch .. one plan a couple round of amends maybe 3 and your golden

But I can not keep checking if your application is all good after these minor changes 😐 (these are not situation you can write tests for)

Yes it makes me an asshole I'm aware , but I've been awake 40 hours fixing these peoples work, and quite frankly I couldn't give a toss

This is golden 😁

Product owner and scrum master prioritized a not important user story. We are just new to the assigned team without proper turn over, KT, vague user story(one sentence) and no time to prepare our local environments. Then after sprint 1 the client wants a demo by next month but the PO and SM had prioritized the wrong user story so now they are pressuring the developers on finishing fast the other correct important user story. They mismanaged it and now they say the development was slow thus blaming us?! WTF. We hit the deadline of the first user story with unpaid overtimes.

The other PO was always asking us on how to fast track the development lol.

I'll tell them all their faults in the next meeting. As usual we are just high paid corporate slaves with golden hand cuffs trying to escape the rat race.

At night is when my creativity starts flowing like a motherfucker. The moment when all the tasks are done for the day and you can start working on your own projects and just lay back and smoke (or drink, whichever you prefer) and zone the fuck out with some good music. Oh and if I've gotten a good work out in that day, then there's no stopping me.

I had no plans to even create an admin panel for my own small project but last night I made one just to make it look professional. After that, I got an idea for a separate project which I started working on. I usually write my ideas down so that I don't get into a complete project cluster fuck with 50 half completed projects, but sometimes you get that golden one that you have to start (currently those are the only two unfinished projects I got).

There is this docker guy in our enterprise.
Always, he is told there is a challenge in software operations, he brings up the solution "move it into a docker container and the challenge won‘t be a challenge anymore".

........

Don‘t get me wrong.

I love to use docker as a technology to host my apps.
But for me it is not the golden hammer technology which cures all dread diseases on this planet.

Sometimes it is just overhead for the solution of small challenges.

Well, I've been reading 'rants' in this community, and I'm amazed at how people discuss various softwares, languages, and sometimes even hardware!
I'd say I'm a noob. Can't even compare my 'coding knowledge' with what people know in this community, and I don't want to. I like that I'm now a part of this community. But I feel intimidated at times by the amount of things there are to learn! And I don't know how to start. I mean, we had a course on C for a semester, and I tried to build up on that myself. Other than that, I've been trying to learn web-dev, made a browser based game and tried to learn some back end. But I don't know exactly how to build up my proficiency with code, and solving problems, from here on out. So I would really appreciate if this golden community could help me out.(Not trying to flatter anyone. I don't express much, but all this is what I genuinely feel, and am grateful about.) I want to know how to go on about learning knew things in the realm of programming, and how I can apply it to solve actual problems. What language should I learn first? What will be valuable in this rapid-paced time? And some courses to help out?

I stumbled upon devRant one day out of nowhere, and I'm glad I did.

not a rant. I like poetry. Am a poemfag.
Be very impressed. VERY IMPRESSED!
Okay, well, just cringe through it at least. Smile and nod. I hope formatting doesn't butcher this.

"A King"
a king came to me one day
and claimed you will be my son!
and fame, and fortune, and all things good
yours your cup to overflow, overrun!

happiness and princesses, acclaim to your name
a life of leisure and of ease
land rich in treasures buried,
and swarthy ships on deep seas!

All these things, of emperors and kings
Will be yours to command! Though I warn
you my fair son, it is not as it seems
a charmed life is not grand

for though the riches of this earth
at your call, at your hand,
should find you at my passing, in your wealth
it is a kings fate to be damned

wealth to grave you can not take
and princesses demanding wives are one to make
and ships in harbor soon they rot
and health in age gives way to ache
and land is lost which once hard fought
truly that is rare the happiness which can be bought!

so upon the kingly head, heavy rests the (golden) crown
and though surrounded by apparent friends
never must he let his guard down

and ease which spoiled by fear of loss
magnified by all he'd gained
weary king, my boy, tis his lot,
to die a thousand times,
but never grow old again,

so heed these words my boy
it is not the wealth, or fame, or ease
that makes a man great my son,
but his words and his deeds!

Ah, golden r34
If it exists, there is python library for it.

Got started by making farmville cheats. Found many exploits. Best was when I found 3 ways to do the same exploit. Zynga kept patching and I kept releasing a new way.
Lasted for just over a year or so.
Played for like 3years and then got bored. Those were the golden days, really miss them.

One day a developer's phone accidentally fell into his toilet. The poor developer looked at the toilet but couldn't find it as it was too late.

Finally he burst into tears. Hearing his sobs, an Angel appeared before him. 

The Angel dived into the toilet and came up carrying a golden phone. The developer did not accept it. He said, "This is not mine. My phone is not golden."

To which the Angel replied, "It's not golden, it's covered in shit!"

COMMENTS BE LIKE...

Physics exam. Seems I was the special guy who did the task in a different (and almost correct way), so my teacher had to share some golden thoughts with me.

Passed anyway xD

One that you can discuss those minor bugs with and really Bond with.

Old but Golden dvd in the background for size reference

Trying to cross-browser test a site is the most aneurysm enducing endeavour. They're all different. Safari manages to screw up everything. Firefox still seems golden and Chrome.... I just don't even know anymore.

Whoo, 4 days into my new project, and a lot of mess already happening all over the place, in short, everyone in here consisted of the human population that fill up the average (and below) margin on everything (especially their IQ, seriously, by the time I finished telling this story, you'll wonder how the hell are these guys able to finish uni, not to mention working in IT)

Okay so, backstory, I was cut off from my previous project (the product was finally launched, but only a handful developers are kept to maintain & do enhancements, why wasn't I included? That's a story for another time), and I was sent to a new (shitty) project, by the order of the (shitty) manager, in the same institute, but different division, whom tries to copy paste everything the golden child (my previous project) has been doing, technology, environment, work culture, etc

And I'm faced with another react native application (let's call it project N), in which the team leader was so proudly explained to me, that it got released way earlier than my previous project (let's refer to it project X) even though X started a long time before they have any plan for N, N was passed down from a vendor to the internal devs whom has very little knowledge of react native, and I was supposed to "help" them with it

Day one, I learned a new english term for this, sinecure, nothing done on the first day, just introductions, a long boring meeting and got assigned to the project N, I did skim through the source code for a while, at a glance it looks like a student's assignment done overnight, reminds me of the first website I made, and this is supposed to be an app that handles monetary transactions,

Day 2, still no task given, due to their "end of sprint" session, 4 days of not having anything to work on, I analyzed the code further, and yep, it's rubbish,

- first, the code convention is shit, based on the git log, only 2 guys were working on this and neither of them had any standards with their coding, spaces, semicolons, indentations, everything is a mess, folder & file names and their placement too, not to mention redundancy everywhere, nothing is reusable, this is the first time I saw a react application that keeps defining & creating new components on every pages, and no documentation at all

- second is, the warnings, I was in awe with the disappearance of yellow warnings in the app since I found a bunch of yellow box errors on the debugger console, then I checked the main app.js file and lo and behold

console.disableYellowBox = true

Whoooo, a new breakthrough in software debugging, you won't find any potential bugs if you hide the warnings altogether, fuck, not even any config to diferentiate debugging & release environments (my last project had one)

Well worse is that ALL of the components doesn't have any proptype checking (prop is something like an attribute that is inherited from parent component to child component, CMIIW), and this cause for some issues that already happened a bit later,

- third, but not last, the software is buggy as hell, not to mention the flow & logic is messy as fuck, who the hell put a splash screen as it's own navigation entity,

After opening the app, splash screen is showing, then redirect to login page, and if user pressed back button while on login page, they'll be stuck on the splash screen, unable to navigate anywhere

Then, later that evening, one of the PO suddenly came to me and said something about telling him if I had any issues/concerns, given the opportunity, I immediately pointed out the problems, only to add up to my dissapointment, the conversation went like this,

Me: I do have concerns, 3 of them at the moment (explained like above but with more polite words)

PO: really? Well, us from the product team doesn't really care for cleanliness as long as it works

Me: bla blah (explaining about current & potential bugs and maintainability)

PO: like I said it's not urgent, we have more important goals to achieve

Me: blah blah (up to you, but I insist that at least consider this matter)

PO: A foreigner made this you know?

*how the fuck is that information even relevant? Fucking victim mentality

Me: So? It's still rubbish (continue explaining the current bugs)

PO: do you know how much this project has cost?

*cool, now you want to justify this farce by overpricing it?

Me: nope

PO: this much (after googling, it's around 3 years worth of average salary for senior dev in US)

*well my previous project cost almost twenty times that

Me: o...kay?

PO: bla blah (saying something like, And don't go introducing changes and new stuff too much, since you're the new guy, unless you want to be seen as a show off, you gotta mingle with the devs first and once you got in a friendlier term, then you can give your opinion)

I just nods and didn't continue the convo after that, but suddenly the PO reaffirms

PO: OKAY? (in a tone like "capische?")

Okay, I'll consider that as a warning,

To be continued...

My golden rule of debugging - Isolate issues by changing one unit of code at a time. Keep everything else constant.
Second most helpful rule - pick up the habit of fixing things by reviewing code, instead of relying on debuggers. Make you so much more aware of possible pitfalls while coding itself.

I don't know exactly what year my dad bought the PC with a hard drive of 4GB, but it was not in the year 2000 and following. I'm not sure if it was running win98 or win95. Probably win95. Aaah those were golden times.
I remember having no internet, but still having fun drawing images on ms paint.
Oh and there was a game named sesame street for that os. Sometimes I miss those times.

Okay, it's FUCKing rant time.

FUCK single-file *cough* page.tpl.php *cough* drupal-sites

I FUCKing hate sites without any FUCKing structure, where all logic is built into the overall wrapping pageview file.

Spend more FUCKing time than healthy finding this golden nugget.
In a FUCKing 2000+ lines long file, in a FUCKing mix of inline CSS/JS, PHP/SQL and FUCKing exec(); calls.

Definetily the best FUCKing way to destroy a FUCKing lightbox, for people who are not logged in...
- Why would you even do that in the first FUCKing place ?!??! The customer didn't ask for this..

All this FUCKing mess because the previous developer decided to quit, and did not FUCKing care for the next maintainer to come.

Fellow drupal developers will know the struggle.

Reducers in redux is just like making caramel, you boil (action) the sugar (payload) until the sugar is fully dissolved into golden color (state). That's why the process of making caramel is also called reduction.

Didn't think I had material for a rant but... Oh boy (at least at the level I'm at, I'm sure worse is to come)

I'm a Java programmer, lets get that out of the way. I like Java, it feels warm and fuzzy, and I'm still a n00b so I'm allowed to not code everything in assembly or whatever.

So I saw this video about compilers and how they optimize and move and do stuff with the machine code while generating the executable files. And the guy was using this cool terminal that had color, autocomplete past commands and just looked cool. So I was like "I'll make that for my next project!"

In Java.

So I Google around and find a code snipped that gives me "raw" input (vs "cooked" input) and returns codes and I'm like 😎. Pressing "a" returns 97 (I think that's the ASCII value) and I think this is all golden now.

No point in ranting if everything goes as planned so here is the *but*

Tabs, backspaces and other codes like that returned appropriate ASCII codes in Unix. But in windows, no such thing. And since I though I'd go multiplatform (WORA amarite) now I had to do extra work so that it worked cross platform.

Then I saw arrow keys have no ASCII codes... So I pressed a arrow key and THREE SEPARATE VALUES WERE REGISTERED. Let me reiterate. Unix was pretending I had pressed three keys instead of one, for arrow keys. So on Unix, I had to work some magic to get accurate readings on what the user was actually doing (not too bad but still...). Windows actually behaved better, just spit out some high values and all was good. So two more systems I had to set up for dealing with arrow keys.

Now I got to ANSI codes (to display color, move around the terminal window and do other stuff). Unix supports them and Windows did but doesn't but does with some Win 10 patch...? But when tested it doesn't (at least from what I've seen). So now, all that work I put into making one Unix key and arrow key reader, and same for Windows, flies out the window. Windows needs a UI (I will force Win users, screw compatibility).

So after all the fiddling and messing, trying to make the bloody thing work on all systems, I now have to toss half the input system and rework it to support UI. And make a UI, which I absolutely despise (why I want to do back end work and thought this would be good, since terminal is not too front end).

Today I found github student developer pack thing. It was the golden chance to sharpen my git skills at least I thought so.. 2 hours tried to figure out how does "merge" works in gitkraken and now I'm depressed..

Give me your legacy, your undocumented,
Your huddled classss yearning to be bug free,
The wretched security holes of your multiple backdoors.

Send these, the testless, spaghetti-code to me,
I lift my keyboard beside the golden door!

Mobile batteries are the weak link. Need a power source that powers devices for weeks rather than 1 day. Whoever solves this is golden!

Client: I'm not able to see the mount storage
Me: share your configuration
Client: 📃

Me: (frustrated but still kind and polite) I see the ports are swapped between hosts which is the culprit behind the issue.
Me: can I ask the reason behind doing this?

Client: I thought red color goes left and aqua goes right.
Me: 🦍 🤐🤐

Okay ranters, I'm asking for your help.

I'm currently an IT Technician at a facility. I am doing this part time while finishing up my last year of college. I graduate in April of 2017. I just received a job offer to do Web Development part time in the same city. I'm not sure if they will work with my schedule, but they say they will. I will need to learn PHP, because I haven't used it yet, but learning a new language is easy for me. I'm done with most of the difficult classes in my CS program, but I will need some time devoted to study. I'm unsure whether the job is a golden opportunity or if I'm going to screw myself over and be unable to graduate. What do you guys think?

- The golden rule of CoffeeScript is: "It's just JavaScript".
- Nice!
- And provides a basic class structure that allows you to name your class, set the superclass, assign prototypal properties, and define the constructor, in a single assignable expression.
- No nO NO NO!

Wondering how much will the bitcoin increase in value after this so called Golden Eye.

Open a older case in #JIRA and either I'm in past or this thing is messing with me today Jan 30, 2018

When agile is everywhere (including toilets). Do you want me to poop in agile way? 💩💩

What can be the agile way of shitting?

!rant
Went from uni to my car to drive back home. Engine doesn't start, And report of low oil level is showing up. Hmmm. I've opened hood and checked oil level. It was empty. First thought. I drove here with no oil so I broke the engine. Great... I bought some oil and refiled it. Still same problem. I've called my insurance company and my mechanic. And then. Brilliant thought evolved. Did I turned off ignition on secret switch today? Yea it was it. Had to call everybody again and cancel my AC request. Gosh, I hate having memory of golden fish...

Also. Hi everybody. my first !rant

Via my last bosse’s methodology: estimate optimistically. Go back over 3 times reducing as needed. Once you’ve got that golden number that you feel it would take in a perfect world where SPA exceptions make sense and php rocks, the double it. That’s how long it’ll take. If the actual time to develop is half what was estimated then we’d often refund those hours as good will which was nice.

How rotten and half bitten is this most valuable Apple? See that they get quite some bashing for their latest Catalina release. And they deserve every portion of it, I think.

Honestly, when I saw our testers going through the different betas, which hardly installed and on which our software kept behaving differently, nevertheless they pushed their Golden Master and released. Didn't seem a good idea.

Currently I had to update to Catalina to check some small broken feature of ours and now the active window keeps on losing focus every few minutes. Have to grab the mouse and click there again to continue working. Really fucking annoying. Hope I can track it down some time.. or trash my iMac.

Editing rants i wrote more than five minutes past.

Edited on my Huawei P8 mini lite with dual sim slot, golden color with 32gb sdcard.

hello brothers (abd sisters) in code..

i'm not a front end dev, but i had to create a front end application sometime ago. since i don't really know how to create things, i used the golden ratio in almost everything, to try to get a "pretty" app ..has anyone tried this before, or is it not a good thing? since buttons have to scale based on windows resolution, and space left, was this a good idea?

I subscribe to many copywriting newsletters. Here's an article that shows how it's like on "the other side", marketers struggle, too.

How Kevin's Massive Mistake
Completely Changed His Life

Kevin H. made a huge mistake.

The biggest, he would say, if he could tell you himself.

And he knew it immediately.

It was, he said, "instant regret."

Within milliseconds, he was asking himself "What have I done..."

Kevin, see, had just jumped the rail of the single most popular suicide spot in the world, the Golden Gate Bridge.

On average, the site gets another distraught jumper every two weeks. Kevin was one of them.

It wasn't like he hadn't tried to quiet the voices in his head. Therapy, drugs, hospitalization.

Time to die, those voices still said.

And yet, in the minutes his bus dropped him off at the bridge, he hesitated and paced with tears in his eyes.

"I told myself if just one person comes up to me and asks if I'm okay... if one person asks if they can help... I won't do it. I'll stop and tell them my whole story..."

But nobody did, so he jumped.

It was in those next milliseconds, he would later say, he knew it was the biggest mistake of his life.

He didn't want to die.

But now, he was sure, it was too late.

From its highest point, it's a 245-foot plummet into the icy bay waters below.

Out of the 1,700 people that have jumped from the bridge since it first opened in 1937, only 25 have survived.

Kevin, against all odds, would be one of them.

He slammed into the water like hitting concrete. Three of his vertebrae instantly shattered.

When he surfaced, he couldn't hold his own head above water. But, incredibly, a sea lion kept pushing him up.

The Coast Guard soon arrived and pulled him out.

From there, he began a long recovery that required intense surgery, physical therapy, and psychiatric care.

While still under treatment, a priest urged him to give a talk to a bunch of seventh and eighth graders.

Afterward, they sent him a pile of letters, both encouraging and full of their own pained thoughts.

He also met a woman.

Today, Kevin lives in Atlanta and he's been happily married for the last 12 years.

And he tours the country, sharing his story.

So why re-tell it here?

Obviously -- I hope -- you don't get lots of copywriters looking to snuff it after a flopped headline test.

Just the same...

We've talked a lot in this space about the things one needs to get by in this biz.

My friend and colleague Joe, over at the publishing powerhouse Agora Financial, likes to list requirements.

You need intense curiosity...

You need a killer work ethic...

And you must, MUST have... resilience.

Meaning, you must have or find the capacity to bounce back from failure and flops, even huge ones.

Now, again, Kevin's story is an extreme and in this context -- I hope -- a hyperbolic example of somebody giving up. In the worst way possible.

It is also, though, a metaphor.

See, I get a lot of notes from some of you guys... and at conferences, I get to talk to a lot of people...

And I often get the sense, from some folks, that they're feeling a little more overwhelmed than they let on.

Some are just starting out, and they've got a lot on the line. For some, it's everything. And some are desperate to make it work.

Because they have to, because their pride or livelihoods or a family business is at stake, because it's a dream.

And yet, they're overwhelmed by all the tips and secrets... or by piles of confusing research or ideas...

For others, even had some success, but they're burned out, feel antiquated, or feel like "imposters" that know less than they let on, in an industry that's evolving.

To all those folks... and to you... I can only say, I've been there. And frankly, go back there now and again.

Flops happen, failures happen. And you can and will -- even years and decades into doing this -- make the wrong choices, pick the wrong projects, or botch the right ones.

The legendary Gene Schwartz put it this way, according to a quote spotted recently in fellow writer Ben Settle's e-letter...

" A very good copywriter is going to fail. If the guy doesn't fail, he's no good. He's got to fail. It hurts. But it's the only way to get the home runs the next time."

Once more, nobody -- I hope -- is taking the trials of this profession hard enough to make Kevin's choice.

And believe me, I don't mean to make light of the latter. I just want to make sure we hit this anvil with a big hammer. To drive home the point that, whatever your struggle, be it with this biz or something bigger, that you don't want to give up. Press on.

As Churchill put it, "Success, is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm."

Or even more succinctly when he said, "If you're going through hell, keep going."

Because it's worth it.
.
John Forde

Lately, I've been working in a web security company (mainly as a Support guy).
Going through tickets, I've found one golden gem, which helped me realising how dum customers are.

Since he's our customer, we try to keep stuff up-and-running at all times. If something goes bad, we fix it, and we need their passwords for stuff.
After the customer (somehow) got hacked again, he changed the password in panic.
Note the initial password was really, really good.
He emailed us the new password for "just in case".

The password is "hard-to-guess".

What. The. Actuall. Fuck.

What's next?
Setting the password "12345", activating 2-step-authentication and sending his phone in, along with his finger so we can unlock it with touch id?

Oooh no. A golden fish would do. A Leprechaun too. Maybe I'd give a shot with a unicorn. But God sees I'm not going to have any business with geanies! No sir! Especially when we're talking about important matter, like dev!

Weeks later and I’m still watching a former client/friend completely thrash his own website trying to do what I had been doing for him. When I built the thing, I did so in anticipation of him wanting to take it over so I made it as easy as possible. All we needed to do was have a one hour or less meeting to go over some particulars and he would’ve been golden. But, no, he deleted my access and tried to go it on his own. If he EVER comes back begging to have me fix his problems, I swear I’m going to have the biggest belly laugh of my existence right in his face. No. Freaking. Way.

Ok completely unrelated to develop stuff but has anyone else started watching the unmasking a killer series? Holy shit it is so fucking good. They brought on actual victims of the East Area Rapist/Original Nightstalker/Golden State Killer and it just fucking shows how scary it is. It's such an interesting documentary.

2 min silence for my friend.

who got contract to edit and make golden frame of "naga baba"

he have to zoom each and every part of naga baba to clear and make render image.

xD XD

Ugh. Where to begin!

If you gotta make a standard for everyone to follow, you better make it readily available. Even though you barely have any users, but if it's a standard, anyone can try to follow it tomorrow. Or else take it down completely.

There's a standard for learning tools handled by IMSGlobal (Don't ask who they are, no idea). So if you want to build a tool to integrate with different learning platforms, follow this.

OK now, to read the documentation you have to register for an account. As if this is bad, ....... wait for it ........, sign up has to be approved by an admin. My request is already weeks old but not approved.

OK. Google around and try to see if some alternative can be read than that shitty website. Apparently, they have a Spring plugin on GitHub that can be used as a Maven dependency. It has a small readMe attached so I can get something out of it.

And I'm using Spring, golden right? Not quite...............
turns out the stupid readMe is outdated. If you follow those instructions, you get errors. WONDERFUL!!

Now I have to dig through all the code files and try to make sense of what I'm supposed to do.

I have gained quite a lot of coding confidence recently.

Im quite confident i can deploy a full working application or a mobile app.

I have some inspiration bit i am still not sure of how much work/investment does it take to make something that generates money.

Of course im not including million dollar ideas. No my goal is to make small apps/applications or freelancing jobs off work to generate some extra money (noticeable enough that the investment is worth the return).

Obviously the best way to learn is to dive in and im not asking to know about your golden egg that you are harvesting.

But do you have any tips/advice or experiences to share?

Okay so i want to do visualisations, like visualise pi or golden ratio or working if a triple pendulum, trace parabolas and stuff. Which language do i use and why?

on call
gf (using one plus) : how do I remove battery and restart it, my internet is not working properly

me(while remembering those golden days): .....mmm it's ok I am on the way, I vl take care of it.

404

Golden State Warriors Championship Not Found. :(

Question, !rant

To all my fellow Java devs, what are some things that have come out in JDK8 and JDK9 that you think are the most useful?

I know very little about the new features, but after learning about lambdas I wondered what other golden nuggets there might be. Thanks in advance!

How I got my first Free Swag?

I stole it?

Obviously no,

So it dates back to year 2016. After learning about open source project and working with few organisations, I noticed few contributors and developers with t shirts having logo of the company or organisation.
I mean if you see a guy wearing google tagged t shirt don't think he works in Google, he might have purchased it.

Next, I started searching for ways to obtain one. I reached and texted developers and all they told me were two golden rules.
1. If you develop something or update something, showcast it.
2. Always show the organisation what you do for them, even if it small contribution.

After this I started mailing and texting the contact mail id of companies and organisation I worked and contributed. Some texted me- no we don't have free items, some said we can't ship to India.

But out of 100 replies with 85 negatives, I recieved 15 positive replies. I was amazed to know that I'll recieve one.

You know what I was showered with
Stickers
T shirts
Laptop skins
Keychains
And many more.....

This Rant is for you to motivate and showcast what you do.

Playing Overwatch for 4 hours straight when I was supposed to be working on my side project. What is worse that I am still golden ranked. Keep finding crappy teams :(

My memory of the golden age was messing up each others desk as innovative as possible.

!rant Just an observation. There is a lot of discussion about syntax. Should it be tabs or spaces or should the opening bracket be on the same line as the method/function. There is 101 languages and standards. Syntax varies and you just can't learn it all.

What is more important? Result or the aesthetics? If you come into a project you adapt. You use the syntax everyone else is using. If you are a part of starting a project you agree on rules of engagement and stick to them so the team works at maximum efficiency. If you lead a project you define the rules by adapting to your teams habits. Because in the end it's the working product we are after.

Golden mean.

Is privacy really that big a deal some of the more tin-foil hats make it out to be? Look at Estonia, their government knows every last detail about an individual citizens life. Result: they are basically in a golden age as everything is efficient as there is zero red tape. This is what technology can achieve if we don’t bog ourselves down with non-issues