Excuse me boss!

During increment time
Boss : There are 50 bricks on an Plane. If u drop 1 outside. How many
are left?

Employee : That's easy, 49.

Boss : What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge?

Employee : Open the fridge. Put the elephant in. Close the fridge

Boss : What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge?

Employee : Open the fridge. Take the elephant out. Put the deer in. Close the fridge.

Boss : It's lion's birthday, all animals are there except one, why?

Employee : Because the deer is in the fridge.

Boss : How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?

Employee : She crosses it because the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday

Boss : Last question. In the end the old lady still died. Why?

Employee : Er....I guess she drowned....err...

Boss : No! She was hit by the brick fallen from the Plane that's the problem, you are not focused on your job....You may leave now!!!

Moral: If your boss has decided to screw u, no matter How much u prepare u will be screwed.

Client: Hey, you're the IT guy right?
Me: Hey, how can I help?
Client: Yeah for some reason I've lost power to my computer
Me: *Checks power, all computers are down due to a power cut*
Me: You'll have to contact your power supplier as you've lost power to all computers and lights.
Client: What, but the computers are not working right? - that's you're job not mine
Me: That's not how it works.
Client: Fix this or I'll bill you for the loss of money we've encountered during this and report this to your boss.
Me: How about I bill you for my time and advice and inform by boss that you tried to blame me for a power cut.
Client: You can try.
Me: *walks off and puts time in the ticket, requests purchasing to send an invoice*

2 Days later:
The client does not pay the invoice.
Me: (phone call) Hi, an invoice has been sent to you and we haven't received payment yet.
Client: were not paying that, you broke our power and made our computers break
Me: null

If you are reading this, I want you to know that I am probably on some kind of FBI watchlist because I googled "How to kill all children while leaving the parent alive". So yeah, Linux is brutal.

*Me Calling the NSA..

[NSA]: Hello, how can I help you !
[ME]: Hello, this is the NSA right?
[NSA]: Yes
[ME]: Since you are recording all phone calls, I have a little request.
[NSA]: And What is that?
[ME]: My mom called me couple hours ago to bring something from the supermarket, her phone is off.. What did she told me to bring?
[NSA]: beep..beep..beep

New engineer: "How do you estimate how long a project will take?"

         Seasoned engineer: "I add up the time required for each task, then multiply the sum by pi."

         New engineer: "Why pi?"

         Seasoned engineer: "It ensures that all my budgets are irrational."

To all developers who think "I don't need to delete that one 1KB temp file"

FUCK.YOU.

You are not the only garbage developer who does not clean his shit up. The reason we need TERA FUCKING BYTE storage devices nowadays is because you incompetent shit heads have no idea how an application has to properly work. A temp file is not there to exist for ever. HENCE THE FUCKING WORD TEMPORARY

SSH'd into all the computers in college's lab and edited the bashrc to display "YOU ARE BEING WATCHED / YOU'VE BEEN HACKED" etc.
Everyone freaked out instantly.
Then edited my own bashrc file too so that no one realizes it's me.
I was surprised at how easy it was.

Working with a radio chip we selected because it had built-in encryption. Cannot make the encryption work, thus in contact with the manufacturer:
"- I cannot make the encryption work, it's like the chip doesn't want to take a key.
- which key do you use?
- does it matter?
- well yes, you can't just use any key!
- why not?
- you need to get an approved key from us.
- why is that?
- so that your competitors can't read your data!
- ...
- ...
- so the way to get working keys is to get them from you?
- of course!
- keys are 256 bits. Can we potentially use all of them?
- OF COURSE NOT!
- how many can we get from you?
- one! We reserve it from your company.
- are you telling me that all units within a company will need to have the exact same encryption key?
- yes!
- so anyone with our product could eavesdrop another same product?
- well yes, but it's all within your own products.
- ...
- ...
- that's not how encryption is supposed to work.
- but it's safe, your competitors cannot eavesdrop!
- I'm out of here."
(We finally found a satisfactory work-around, but i am still pissed at them)

I need to hide myself, my computer, programming skills and computer knowledge from people. Then only, I will be safe..

Friend: Heeey, you're good with computers right?

Me: No! 😑

Friend: Come-on bro. I know you are.

Me: What do you want?

Friend: I want you to check and book flights for me for country X.

Me: Are you ok? How does this have anything to do with someone being good with computers and stuff?

Friend: Haha, see? You're good with computers. *starts laughing. Anyway, since you're good, you can find the best prices. I know you know how to search sites and how to find things online.

Me: WTF?!?!!! All, you have to do is type in your search. If you don't like the results, you simply refine it.

Friend: See, all this tech stuff I'm not really good at it.

Me: But you're good at searching for other things online, right? Do the same for your flights.

*Picks my laptop and walks away.
How can a young man not be able to search for flights online but knows how to use several gadgets. Nonsense.

So today I was with my I guess 9-10yo cousin. He was playing clash of clans.
I told him, “you can also make this type of games”.
After this he was stared at me for like 25-30sec his face expression was awesome. Then said “seriously? I thought games are developed on a certain place where all the games are made.”
I said “no anyone can create games if you know how to code and all.”

After that multiple questions was on the way and I answered all for him.

But he totally amazed with this knowledge. And I felt good to.

So Github went down and it showed how much empathy devs have for fellow devs.
We saw tweets saying things like,
God I can't imagine how freaking stressed out the devs at Github are right now.
Or "Hugs and kisses to the devs at Github. You got this"
Of cause there were the occasional dumb Github tweets.
But in all it just shows how much we empathize with other devs and knowing they are trying their best to handle the situation. For more than 8 hrs. Imagine a black out of something like twitter for just an hour or two.. Gives you chills.
But bravo/brava to all the understanding devs.

I'm an experienced developer, in my facebook I liked all the pages about programming languages and developing, but Facebook keeps advertising me "the book to learn how to code in 24 hours" or "the tutorial to build a website without paying a developer" or the one in the image below.

What the fuck facebook? Are you trying to say I'm useless?

If the below is you, please stop. I'm starting a revolution called #AnswerTheQuestion

A: Hey, just checked your code, you have a huge security issue in XYZ, you should really address that.

B: Oh god I had no idea, how do I fix it?

A: Well it depends on how you *want* to fix it, no one solution is always the right one.

B: ... Ok, well could you give me some advice?

A: Well, there are many ways to approach this kind of work, but all I can say is that this way, is definitely not the correct one.

B: ... Ok, well how would you do it?

A: That would depend on the customer requirements.

B: ... the requirements is to have a website that isn't easily hackable, what do I do?

A: Nowadays, its pretty hard to make a website completely not hackable.

B: ALL THE SERVERS ARE SHOWING RED, PLEASE HELP ME!!!

A: ........ you really shouldn't prejudge colours. The colour red doesn't always mean danger, depends purely on the use case.

New engineer : How do you estimate how long a project will take..?

Seasoned engineer : I add up the time required for each task, then multiply the sum by π.

New engineer : Why π ?

Seasoned engineer : It ensures that all my budgets are irr-rational..

How to ask him/her out
Dev 101
You:
Do you know there are five different flavored coffees around the world?

Your crush:
No

You:
(Recite the names of all 5)

Your crush:
Okay

You:
The question is:
When are you going to have one with me?
;)

OK! all you windows haters.
This is why i totally love windows to death.
it has awesome features no other OS has...

like, installing updates to office and Skype when they are not even installed, there's not even a registry entry anywhere for them!!

now show me another OS that updates non existing software and ill be all over it!

On a serious note, does anyone know how windows would think office and Skype are installed since I can’t find a single trace of them anywhere?

People on Stack Overflow are SUCH FUCKING ASSHOLES

"You didn't show us where you declared this unimportant array, please review this article for how to ask questions"

My question doesn't concern the array, my question concerns how the system works, all code I provided was only for clarity. Read my fucking question you arrogant asshole. You have lots of points, fine, go tell your mother, but you assume I don't know how to ask a question which you clearly did not read.

So you build a beautiful site; you spend good time on UX, refactoring, server optimisation, getting good page load speeds, SQL all optimised - life is good.
Commercial team comes in and slaps clickbait, generic advertising, tracking scrips over the lot.
Page loads go from a second to 30 seconds and even though you made sure all those crappy ad scripts are asynchronous pages still hang most times. PingdomTools lists your page scripts as going from 40 files to over 900... now users are ringing me up giving me grief about how slow this new company website is...

I got assigned approximately 20 tasks, all are high priority.

Coworker got assigned 2 tasks, (“like fix button sizes and padding”, “localisation “)

He completed.

I got questioned: “are you sure you are a senior developer? Are you doing your work at all? If your coworker can finish low priority tasks in a day , why you as a senior can’t? “

Me :”if you have the ability to see , please tell me how many tasks I have that are in high priority.”

“Exactly, I need you to complete it now , I expect more from you as a senior. “

Me: “why not you tell me which tasks are higher priority? Because can’t be all are urgent. If everything is urgent , nothing is urgent.”

“Stop giving excuses, be a team player.”

Me :” how is it making excuses for asking urgencies of the tasks?”

“Hahaha you called yourself a senior. What a joke”

Me:”likewise, you called yourself a Project manager yet can’t manage. What a joke indeed.”

Annoyingly typical office conversation:

Person 1: "Good morning."
Person 2: "Good morning, how are you?"
Person 1: "Good. How are you?"
Person 2: "Good."
Person 1: "Good."

NO! Not good, fuckers. I hear this all day long, come up with something real or original. Talk about the massive shit you just took, or how hard you're taking the news about Diablo Immortal. It reminds me of that scene in Office Space with the repetitive call center lady, lol.

This is for all the developers out there. Keep learning and keep going!

"No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn't trying."

Me as interviewer: So how often do you post on dev rant and how far are you into game of thrones?

Interviewee: Not a fan and what's dev-

Me as interviewer: Ok I think I have all the info I need

Back in my teenage , a friend of mine asked me «Can you make me a software that guesses the result of a football match ?» I said «Sure, but you have to tell me how to calculate the chances of a team»
«Yeah, use the previous performances in the league»
«Ok, but you have to tell me how to calculate the expected result using previous performances» He laughed at me and said «If i knew how to calculate chances of winning/losing, i would not need a software!»
I tried to explain it simply «Computers can execute basic operations like sums or subtractions, and they know how to follow a list of basic instructions to give you a result»
He looked me like «If computers are so stupid like you are telling me now, are we all crazy idiots trying to learn how to use stupid machines??» and stated that i obviously misunderstood the real power of a computer. I walked back home thinking how funny was my friend believing in some kind of magic inside box called pc.

Few years later, i start studying IT at university. In the free time i look for small jobs like website development, small office network setup, pcs repair.
I continue noticing people believing that pcs knows what to do and how to do it.
«You sure I lost my data ? No i didn't do a backup. You sure my pc didn't do a backup ? No i hadn't a backup software»
«Why antivirus asks me what to do with the viruses it found. It should delete them obviously! Change my antivirus, it's too stupid for my pc»
«I want more people finding my business thanks to my website. How I imagine my website ? Yeah it has to be cool and full of cool stuff»

All that boring stories leads to my final question :

is our job dealing with persons who think we are some kind of wizard, well learned about dominating the pc magic ?

Please answer no.Please.

Manager: As you all know I called this meeting to discuss what we will do with all of the extra resources if we are done early. I was thinking a start a new ap—

Dev: We are not going to be done early. There are two weeks left and we are way behind schedule.

Manager: Don’t be so pessimistic! You never know when or how fast tickets will be completed.

Dev: Yes I do…I’m the one doing them

Fingerprint sensor is insecure

-gf can open your phone when you are asleep
-same with chloroform, unconscious, then use fingers
-can cut your fingers if it leads to that.

Fine I agree....but how secure is the face ID ??

-all of the same points can be applied to it.

This happens nearly every sprint.

TEAM: So, are you happy with how we are going to make this feature?

Business: Yeah, we really need it! It's exactly list that! Quick build! 🏗

TEAM: You're sure.... remember what happened last time...

Business: yeah, yeah, yeah

TEAM: ☕️💻

one week later....

Business: Oh yeah, that thing, we changed our mind we don't want it can you do something else?

TEAM: ...

Business: Agile!!!!!!!!!

TEAM: 🤦‍♂️

Found out they all went on a 2 day course to learn SCRUM...

A Developer is desperate: his java application servers are unresponsive, thousand of dead zombie threads are sucking all cpus, memory is leaking everywhere, garbage collector has gone crazy, the cluster sessions are fucked....

The Developer goes to the closest bridge, ties a stone to his neck and gets ready to jump.

Suddenly a bearded old man with a fiery look runs toward him, yelling:
- stop stop!!!! Your application is not scaling and misconfigured, your servers are melting, cpu usage is not sustainable anymore, but don't despair

The Developer, puzzled, looks at him:
-I've never seen you...how do you know...
- Hey, man, I'm the Devil. I know everything. All your problems are solved. I'll give you magic functions. They are called Lambda.
You'll never have to worry about your servers, scalability, security, configuration and shit.

The Developer seems astonished but relieved:
- Ok, sounds great! let's try it - suddenly suspicion creeps in - hmmmm but you are the Devil....so...you want something back, don't you?
(the Devil nods lightly with a diabolic smile)
- ...and...you want my soul, I guess...
- your soul??? come on!!! - the Devil burst in a laugh - we are in 2019. I don't care about your soul. I want your ass.
- What!???!!!?
- yes, I want to fuck your ass

The Developer, evaluates quickly the situation.
Few moments of pain or slight discomfort (?) in exchange for magic lambda. It could be worth. He accepts.

After a while of rough anal fucking, the devil asks
- Hey, how old are you anyway?
- 45, why?
- Oh jeeez...45!!!??? and you still believe in the devil?

Gf: "Why are you such a typist"

Me: "I promise not to buy more keyboards with blue switches..."

Gf: "No, I mean like being racist or sexist, but you discriminate types"

Me: "Uhhh"

Gf: "You are always bitching about how awful date/time types are, with timezones, leap seconds and daylight savings"

Me: Face turns pale, thousand yard stare, vietnam-flashback to when I was writing a calendar scheduling/meeting/matching tool which used 3 databases, with timestamps in different formats, and web frontends for people in offices around the world.

Me, with a soft broken voice: "So?"

Gf: "You've been working on that palette tool this week, and you keep talking about how interesting all these colorspaces, white balances and conversion formulas are"

Me: 🤔

"Big data" and "machine learning" are such big buzz words. Employers be like "we want this! Can you use this?" but they give you shitty, ancient PC's and messy MESSY data. Oh? You want to know why it's taken me five weeks to clean data and run ML algorithms? Have you seen how bad your data is? Are you aware of the lack of standardisation? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE MISSPELLED "information"?!!! I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THERE WERE MORE THAN 15 WAYS OF MISSPELLING IT!!! I HAD TO MAKE MY OWN GODDAMN DICTIONARY!!! YOU EVER FELT THE PAIN OF TRAINING A CLASSIFIER FOR 4 DAYS STRAIGHT THEN YOUR GODDAMN DEVICE CRASHES LOSING ALL YOUR TRAINED MODELS?!!
*cries*

"Can you do this?"
Sure, give me the information I need...

"We don't have all of it yet"
So I can't do it then

"Well when can you do it"
When you get the information

"Do you need *all* of it"
Well, it's either I do half a job and waste my time, or get it all done in one shot

"The client wants it tomorrow"
When will we have the information?
"We don't know"
Well they aren't having it tomorrow then, are they...

Sales people... don't care *how* things work, as long as they get a tick against their name to show they've sold something...

While working, my dad would come and stand behind me. Looking at the indentation, he would sarcastically say things like "Don't you know how to write?" or "Why are you writing so ziggy zaggy? " or "All these years of education, for what?"

The first two or three times I really had a good laugh. But after that, I really get pissed off.

Suddenly it hits me.
It’s 01:20 here but i get it.
It’s ALL a budget thing.

No dedicated tester means less expenses.

No personal parkspot?
No expenses!

And no good staging or testing environment? Less expenses!

Meanwhile every developer can setup, work on, and maintain about 20 websites on their shitty local Windows machine, that doesn’t even have a proper SSD installed, and we are setting impossible deadlines to figure out who will sink and who will swim.

Ow, here is a SSD.. Figure out the installation yourself because we have no IT knowledge or budget for people that do.

You want a challenge? How about 40 other people that are distracting you all day long.

Meanwhile everybody has to improve their skills in js, react, html5, ccs3, angular, .net and razor so money can made faster.

It would be nice if you could build apps as well.

You had a question? Sorry, no time. Expect some feedback 14 days later.

You finished the site?
Great!

But here are 101 bugs to solve before next week.

All hail their crazy company!

when your first try to learn a new programming language, for example c++ and you are still new to coding:
"Wtf does it behave this way. How dafuq do pointers work...argh"

and then years later, you come back to c++, do a little revision and it all starts to fall into place and make sense. Man. That feeling.

Yea... so you know all those rants/jokes about how you need to explain programming to ur friends and family?

I just realized I don't have that problem.... all of them are programmers as well :)

I feel like the whole CoC debate is just:

"Stop using harmful language!"
"F*** you! How else can I tell you that your commit sucks donkey-b***?!"
"You are banned!"
"I'm taking all of my work with me, you c****!"
"No you are not"
"Yes I F***ing am"

Maybe we can reach a compromise, where we can insult bad coders, just not on the basis of their race/gender/sex? Or, fork a version of the code base for "inclusive-sjw-types" and another for "loud-mouth-a**-holes"?

Like it's really a debate on work ethics. Positive change negative reinforcement...

Fucking retards. They make us submit 3 fully fledged fucking Android apps (with ALL the generated boilerplate crap), all zipped into one fucking folder which cannot exceed 10MB.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, YOU DUNG-EATING PREHISTORIC APE ?! ONE PROJECT ALONE IS 60 MB, HOW IN THE MOTHER-FLIPPING HELL DO YOU EXPECT ME TO FIT 3 OF THOSE INTO 10 MEASLY MEGABYTES?!
Ever heard of git you moth-eating-cactus-fucking pricks?! Time has come to learn it !!! Private repos are a thing, you cocksuckers.

May your bed be infested with bugs and your code riddled with Greek semi-colons. Fucking dimwits.

CLIENT "So my nephew who does stuff with computers built it and we are ok with how it all works so don't worry about changing that. "

DEV "so like you have a public form with no input filtering, spam mitigation let alone sanitization or remote concern for security. Basically you have a Json flat file that is 34mbs of links to, viagra, replica watches, nock off name brands and one real estate company. It is getting about 15 submissions an hour. Since you don't want me changing how it works are you happy to just leave all that ?"

CLIENT "no no we don't want all that but we have no route to delete it, can you just stop all the spam and let us continue on?"

DEV "ok so back to my first question can we rebuild all of this properly, or do you really want to just leave it all"

:/ FML

Just curious, how is it like to work as a developer. I mean, as a profession and not a hobby or freelancing.

From devRant, so far I know that you work in an office, the managers and bosses are assholes, and people always write unmanageable and undocumented code.

What else is it like? Do you get to work alone or do you have to work with people? Do you stay there all day long?

I know its still going to be a while for me, but I want to know how it will be like.

Yo, is this devrant or spamspace???

Like, do you even fucking work, mates? Are you a dev? How doesn't a fucking legacy code piss you off on a daily basis? What are all the ways you want to respond to your customer's/PM's abuse? Does your lead dev even know jackshit?

Where did all your quality rants go? Why do you all sound like second graders writing essays for school? Have some passion for your job, and hatred for the incompetence for others!

Now, go produce some quality rants! Funny ones too! Bonus points if it's angry-funny.

Vim users: You're the vegans of the programming world. No one cares that you use Vim.

Emacs users: You're to Vim users what vegetarians are to vegans.

Now, I'm not saying Vim is bad, or even that all Vim users are like that. I just roll my eyes every time I see someone bragging about how they use Vim.

If you wanna use Vim, use Vim. Just don't act like it makes you a superior coder.

Yesterday I spent some time on the meta site for dba.stackexchange.com and found this one guy with 1 rep raging about how his questions aren't getting answered and how is answers are the best etc...

"I have 17 years of experience as a dba, blah, blah, blah, my answers are correct, blah, blah"

He got pretty destroyed by the mods and other users about how shit his answers were and how they weren't factually correct etc...

This just continues to show that no matter how much experience you have you won't always be right.

Same goes for my senior at work, he has 10 years more experience than me (I have 2) and he still asks for my point of view and help without being a dick about it.

I hope we'll all keep being nice people unlike that Stackexchange guy...

I had applied a job , where the interviewer told me this "We don't think you are good fit for this company, you don't have proper education. We highly doubt that all the application in your portfolio are coded by you."

I was like :"WTF? I have been develop software for years . what do they mean by the application weren't developed by me? if that's so, how miraculously I have the source code of the application I presented?

[Dark Rant]

I'm sick of this stupid tech world.

Don't get me wrong, I love tech. I just can't stand anymore the global brainwashing that we're part of.

Think about all the huge companies making profit on our data. For a better service, yeah sure, but do we really understand what the cost is?

Ok sure, you don't care about your data because you trust these companies and the advantages are all worth it. What about the fact that we are all forced to buy the next new smartphone after 2 years?

Like if removable batteries were a problem for us, users. Or like the audio jack. Because now someone decided that the pricey wireless headphones are Just What You Need™.

Do you think you own your smartphone?
No, you don't. You are paying a bunch of money for something that soon will be just a useless brick of glass and metal which you can't repair. But you'll be happy anyway.

Someone is so happy to the point that they will defend their favorite company, doesn't matter how they decided to stick it into their ass.

Open your eyes, you've been brainwashed.

"And how are you?" I said.

Eeyore shook his head from side to side.

"Not very how," he said. "I don't seem to have felt at all how for a long time."

"Dear, dear," said Pooh, "I'm sorry about that. Let's have a look at your code..."

And then Eeyore looked at Pooh with terror in his face, before he vanish into the forest.

He never let me review his code again...

All those developers complaining about how at their new job there is no source control process, no ci, no CD, no code reviews, no coding standards, no effective project management, next time maybe try asking some questions during the interview stage 🤔

Remember you are interviewing the company as much as they are interviewing you.

It's just sick how managers boast about how their programmers aren't getting sleep enough/at all due to nonstop coding.

That's not actually something to be proud of, CAUSE IT SHOWS HOW INEFFICIENT YOU ARE AT, I don't know... MANAGING?

I hate when manager wants an Android app supportable all the way to GinerBread .FUCK YOU ASSHOLE how about I tell you to work 24/7 .PM Shitholes doesn't know shit about coding and make some unrealistic promises and when things don't work this bastards are all over your ass and want you to fix things . How about asking a developer before making such unrealistic promises . Let me tell you PM are the most useless kind of people's in the world who has failed to prove their significance in the company. Fuck you....PMs

FOR FUCK SAKE APPLE! HOW THE HELL ARE YOU STILL IN THIS WORLD!

Was creating a signed file of the app to upload to their store and while XCode (that bitch!) was working on it, Slack, and Postman crashed!
Do I need to say why or you already knew it is because XCode ate all the RAM -.-

Hey boss, I see you are on a rampage with those trello cards, they all flying to the done list... How about you push to gitlab at least once a week too?

You gonna have to deal with the conflicts alone you dumb fuck :)

Oh are you fucking kidding me?
Why the fuck do you need people to add you as a person who could view all my activities?

Why the fuck would I do so?
How does this help with network security

I might be wrong. In that case please correct me

Just came across this quote...

"The worst thing you can do for your organization is prove how smart you are."

Liked it and thought I'd share it to all the devs out there.

It's my 2nd week into my new job. I asked people what they think they are doing.

The summary:

Senior dev: we fix bugs
Junior dev: we write code
Intern: we create the future

It depends how you look at it. They are all called software engineer or developer.

Actually the worst fucking developer experience is meeting those all knowing people who think they know everything but actually they even don’t know how the fucking tools they’re using every day are written and how they work.

Those people that think when they installed library it should do everything how they imagined to and don’t fucking bother to debug problems and create pull requests if it’s fucking buggy.

Those fucking ranters who moan about something they don’t understand.

Those fuckers who think if they understood what A*, Dijkstra, graph algorithm is they’re smarter then others.

No you fuckers you’re dumb as fuck cause instead of explaining it to someone you just blame people for not knowing “obvious shit”.

All those fucking ignorants I am fucking writing about you.
You either start support each other or fuck you people.

- Recruiters are as bad as car sellers
- They are not your friends
- They're not on your side
- The less you ask for a job the more they're gonna get
- Keep your cards on your side
- Don't tell them how much you make (they love to know that)
- Set a salary expectation for yourself and push it
- Expect a few-months long job hunting
- If you know you deserve the salary you are asking for keep pushing.
- Be patient.
- Don't give your 2 weeks notice until you signed already for the other company
- Medical insurance makes a big dent on salary
- Keep applying for jobs even if you are advanced in a hiring process.

So far this is what I've been learning through my current job seeking experience.

I hate job recruiters, if you can, avoid them at all costs

I wish I knew for sure I wouldn't offend certain people if they read this. I'll be vague for a reason..

WHY THE FUCK ARE. PI WRITING A PROGRAM IN A LANGUAGE OF YOUR LIKING AND THEN TELLING ME YOU DON'T KNOW WHICH FILE TO UPLOAD?!,!,!? How about the ones that make it work?

And why did you send the program, unformatted? This hurts.

I'm trying to teach these children how to fucking be professional in their jobs and this is what I'm working with.

How hard is it to know your tools and pick one that shows you know what you're doing????

And all this after the deadline, and the language written wrong

We are rebuilding an internal web app our company uses and this is how the meeting went down

Me: since this is a big undertaking so we should all work on this as a team and divide the work load

Boss: I can't afford the internal costs to have you all on this * assigns the part timer to the task*

Three months later after launch

Boss: this is not at all what I expected! I want the entire team on this now! It's a top priority!

Last week our department drama queen was showing off Visual Studio’s ability to create a visual code map.
He focused on one “ball of mud”, vilifying the number of references, naming, etc and bragging he’s been cleaning up the code. Typical “Oooohhh…this code is such a mess…good thing I’m fixing it all..” nonsense. Drama queen forgot I wrote that ‘ball of mud’

Me: “So, what exactly are you changing?”
DK: “Everything. It’s a mess”
Me: “OK, are any of the references changing? What exactly is the improvement?”
DK: “There are methods that accept Lists. They should take IEnumerables.”
Me: “How is that an improvement?”
<in a somewhat condescending tone>
DK: “Uh…testability. Took me almost two weeks to make all the changes. It was a lot of work, but now the code is at least readable now.”
Me: “Did you write any tests?”
DK: “Um…no…I have no idea what uses these projects.”
Me: “Yes you do, you showed me map.”
DK: “Yes, but I don’t know how they are being used. All the map shows are the dependencies.”
Me: “Do you know where the changes are being deployed?”
DK: “I suppose the support team knows. Not really our problem.”
Me: “You’re kinda right. It’s not anyone’s problem.”
DK: “Wha…huh…what do you mean?”
Me: “That code has been depreciated ever since the business process changed over 4 years ago.”
DK: “Nooo…are you sure? The references were everywhere.”
Me: “Not according to your map. Looks like just one solution. It can be deleted, let me do that real quick”
<I delete the solution+code from source control>
Me: “Man, sorry you wasted all that time.”

I could tell he was kinda’ pissed and I wasn’t really sorry. :)

I fucking hate ppl who transferred from business program into the CS program. They are all talk and no action. Literally this girl who claim to be “good at algorithm” doesn’t even know how to write a quick sort. In the past 2 months I have received more request from business program students to “help debug program” than all of the other departments (science, engineering) combined. Worse, some just straight ask for my code so they can copy off my implementation.

Seriously, it’s okay if you don’t know how to do stuff. But it’s not okay if you don’t want to learn AND feel so fucking entitled. I have a lot of homework as well, it’s not my responsibility to **help** you.

You know how cities hang all sorts of decorations wherever possible before Christmas? Well, it looks like people of Kekava, Latvia, are very big fans of Kotlin and find it's logo to be festive!

Good for them!

You know how we all get frustrated with new clients who don't provide enough information or detailed background of what the last dev did or tried?

Careful what you wish for. Just took on a new client who has sent 3 separate Word docs, all organized and color coded and fully detailed with the website's life history. All 24 pages of it.

We are supposed to fix the checkout flow and organize the download directory. That's all.

Taking a class on C and machine-level code for school and I have my final tomorrow. After the entire semester, people are still posting questions to piazza asking how strings work and other students are giving wrong answers. Not to mention all of the correct answers are posted in our lecture notes and countless places online. Seriously people, why are you a CompSci major if you can't even figure out how you declare a string after 10 weeks of coding?

GF: How was your pitch to investors?
Me: it was great (... went-ahead to talk about the daunting process of the preparation and motivation).
GF: Why do you go through all this process, when you can become a fraudster, you can use voodoo and make it even easier, in less than 3 months you can buy a duplex, nice car and we can go shopping... you don't need to do any human ritual unlike before - I heard you can even meet a chief priest to make it faster for you.
just get the bag abeg (slang for getting rich quick).

Me: Fuck the day I met you, not everyone wants to be a low-life, and fuck out from my life.

Men if you live in a saner society, or you are born to elite/upper-middle-class you don't how lucky you are.
Most times I wonder how I keep my sanity with all these shitty people around. like messed up society where almost everyone is a fucking deep hypocrite
.I know I need to change my circle but how the fuck do I do that when I am surrounded by fuckstards, which are far worst than Gypsies.
lowlifes with low dreams.
I need to get the fuck out of this place!

Dear enployer, how do you expect me to develop for mobile devices without provding fucking WiFi in the office. All the nice gadgets you have given me, are worthless because you can only plug one thing into it at one time - the lan-dongle Xor the fucking macbook you need for remote debugging. Nice.

Hey! How do I do machine learning?

Well first you start off with a metric shit ton of data.
And then you .fit() your data
from there you can .predict() your data

Trust me, the algorithms are already there. All you need to do is get the data.

Me: please return http code 202 in your http service.

My collegue: ok.

After one hour...

Me: you are returning 200, I told you 202. Let me see the code:

OMFG she was writing the string "202" in the response body!!!

I do not know how to escape from all of this shit.

If you are a father and you find out your kind produced a pile of shit, you change the diaper and get rid of it all. No questions asked.

If you are a developer and your colleague produces pile of shit and you try to get rid of it, you end up in meetings how this piece if shit is actually master piece of shit and have to argue about it to manager that knows shit about a shit.

!rant

Trying not to suck at code.

A good coder seems to be some one who does mistakes quickly and has strategies on how to resolve them even quicker.

The speed at which you create/resolve your problem is the experience curve at which you are learning.

How do you deal with headaches and frustration when spending hours on the same issue?

What are common efficient strat for debugging?

I know this sounds very generalised but i feel like it takes me days to do small things and need to take breaks all the time to relieve the pressure.

Any advice for a rookie?

First of all how the fuck you are able to tell that MY password is one of many that have been stolen? How you are able to get those stolen passwords AND WHY YOU ARE EVEN ABLE TO COMPARE THEM?! Are you storing as plain text or just randomly salt all stolen passwords and chceck if they are in your base?

Now that is an INSTAdelete.

I noticed my co-worker has been using Atom editor for everything (we do Java/Scala). I asked, "So are you using the new language servers? How are you doing code completion?"

"I don't use code completion. I turn it off."

O_o "Do you not use screwdrivers? Like do you tighten screws in by hand?"

I've know people who code Java/Scala in emacs and vim, but they still had completion, type-lookups, etc. They was a higher learning curve in knowing all the keyboard commands, but all the tools were still there. I don't get people who refuse to use tools. It's reflected in this guys works too when looking at the code reviews.

When all you have is a hammer, everything is going to look like a nail.

How is anyone supposed to compete with those kinds of numbers?

I thought the industry was struggling to find people?

Looked at a dozen other jobs just like it.

How are you supposed to stand out at all, if you're just getting started?

Users are losers (most of them).

When you see a post about someone buying a product, well explained and with price and all.
225 comments: How much.. price please..

IT'S THERE ON TOP OF DESCRIPTION YOU STUPID PIECE OF GARBAGE, JUST READ, YOU'RE NOT 2 YEARS OLD CHILD GETTING DISTRACTED BY IMAGES

(From a previous rant I made)
As a note to all of my brothers from India. I am not happy with the current state in which your country is in regards to this bothersome pandemic. I do not feel happy, I am not jumping around singing to the doom you are all facing. I am sad. I know your people are good and your engineers outstanding.

Were it for me you would all be here in the U.S with me chilling with some good bourbon in celebration to how strong you can make our tech be.

My previous post was in regards to scammers, and I am very well aware that you are not at fault.

Be strong brothers, you will all survive this, just as India has survived generations of struggles.

How do working professionals find time to learn new tech? Work all weekdays... Shit tired on weekends this happens for few months and suddenly kids are b building ai and stuff and u just feel dumb.. how do you guys do it? How do you stay on top of the game?

In case you and your friend are bored,
Here's how to have fun :
0)Have Linux installed
1)Grab as many monitors as possible me( and my friends connected 4)
2)Open a shell
3)Drag it all the way across all your screens width (basically open a terminal of width 4 screens in my case)
4)Run "sl"

Profit.

I can't really show how it looked like because it's a long video and can't attach here
Do try it out though.

How many times do YOU visit devRant in a day?

Me? About 10-15 depending on how bored or eager I am to read all of y’all crazy rants.

P.S. this is like therapy without actually having to pay an asswad amount of money for an actual therapist or session.

P.P.S you are all AMAZING people and developers, I just wanted to share that with you all 😍❤️

Dad: “Cool! Now you can sit around like you always do!” 😑

Mom: “So you are programming the computer? Can you show me how to do x on my computer/iPhone?” Except it’s the same questions every single time... She never learns...

Brother: Talks to me about jailbreak stuff

And of course, they all ask me how to fix things on different electronics.

"How much of a dev are you, if you use other peoples work and just glue it together?" I once asked a friend who really loves npm and everything.

I know about code reuse and maintainability and all that but geez we had a long discussion..😅

To all frontend webdevs here:
Explain to me how do you cope with all this insane clusterfuckness of frameworks, tools and js libraries.

Why is it so hard for a beginner like me to learn webdev? Android and backend are much more logical and sane. Even Node.js is pretty dope.

*Working on custom magento build*

Project manager:you are taking to long on this project. I know how long it should take to build a web site, I built a way more complicated site than this in just a few hours!

Me: what site did you build?

PM: *sends link to wife's photography site* wife.squarespace.com

Me: ...that's not the same thing at all

How to disable "New comments on a rant you commented on!" notifs?

As a true narcisist, We are not interested in people's comments as long as they aren't praising Us and Our ingenious words. As all comments mentioning Us are also praising Us, only showing notifications for comments that mention Us would be fine.

Ok I’m fed up. I feel that computer science major in majority of universities are filled with individuals that memorise code for their assessments as if it is history or civics major.
I mean wtf?
If all you are good at is memorising why did you that cs as your major?
And how far do you think is memorising the simple jackass 20 LOC long shit piece of coding program will take you in the industry?????????

Conversation between a developer and admin team to change configuration in higher environment.
Dev: Please change these config parameters.
Admin: What is environment url
Dev: 😑. Gives the url
Admin: How to change?
Dev: 😑. Gives all the details
Admin: I am unable to perform as server is slow.
Dev: Whom will you report the slowness of server as you are the admin?😵
Admin shocked developer rocked

When the house is one fire, and all the devs are running in circles, trying to fix it, and you overhear the PM (while prepearing your 8th cup of coffee) complaining on their phone, about how hard he/she has to work, because the devs fucked up... priceless.

How many of you drink (too much) or having a drinking problem? And did you try to fix that?

I'm sober for three months and the consequences are huge.

Some say Whiskey officially was a medicine. I believe in that.

All what i have learned: stopping cold turkey was and is not the way for me.

Got fired today due to one big cunt who just joined to sabotage all junior devs because his older than all of us, im dissapointed at how arrogant some of you old devs are, the good old days development houses used to be fun and young, i respect all of you with great heart but we are not trying to compete with you if we know knew tech better than you, times have changed, if you are still dumb about bootstrap dont hate on anyone but yourself. Grow deFaQuPndStopHating

@trogus are you responsible for designing all these cool avatars?!? they are so simple and sleek and AWESOME how did you do it what do you use?

Gdpr thing aside...

Does anybody read the new policy...

I just did for 2 apps (intel driver software and 9ga.. You know it)...

On the things that they collected on the side without you knowing include:
9ga:
Device memory, language, battery level, timezone, unique device identifiers, compass, accelorometer and microphone... Even service provider and signal strength

Intel:
Website you visit, how you use your computer(vague too vague) and computing environment.

Did anybody knew for sure before this that their apps are listening to them? That they just made a profile of you with all the data?

With all this they dont even need your ip they already know who you are and what you do on a daily basis...

There are 20 more but it will be waaay too much to write about. These 2 are way worse since 9ga doesnt use microphone for anything... And why a driver reads what websites i am going to?

Whenever I babysit my nephew's, they get to watch YouTube. But oh man how fucking shite they are, how they amplify they voices, how they act all frantic and shit, and how they constantly wants you to smash that like button.

Lots of YouTubers have moved to twitch because Google doesn't want that kind of content anymore and I totally get why because it seriously makes me wanna die.

Designer: here's the layout/mockup file, how long will it take to build this page if I extract all the assets for you?

Me: well if you extract them in the right format and size this time, probably by end of day...

Designer: perfect! (Actually gets me everything in the right format)

*4:30 pm*

Me: alright I'm done

Designer: wait where are all the videos, and animations, and the parallax, and hover states and tool tips and interactive charts?

Me: WTF are you talking about? You gave them all to me as images?

Designer: ...they are supposed to be interactive.

Me: 😑

Fucking hate recruiters/headhunters they are all talk, but when things get real... They fucking ghost you - who does that?
And how is that a way of working?
What happened to being a professional, at least cancel our fucking appointment.

Asshats🤬🤬🤯🤯

From now on I will call you, so just lose my info.

When you release a mobile framework, here is what should be in the tutorial:

How to do api calls
How to switch screens
How to handle hardware sensors

What are hidden away in an obscure last page on the flutter site? All of the above. The api section just straight up fucking points to a dart page. Good fucking job.

To all people who hardcoded stuff like tables in HTML and even rant about how much work this was or how many lines of code they wrote, please stop the madness, please don't talk until you get the basics of programming and why computers are quite handy to handle repetitive tasks.

to the guys saying "oop is dumb" / "i don't need oop" / "i've never worked with oop"...

i have some questions:
- which language are you working with
- which problems are you solving
- how big is your code base
- how do you maintain readability of your code?

don't get me wrong, i don't believe that oop is always the answer. i'm just curious which fields these statements are coming from. if they all come from a low level (assembler, C, ..) or functional languages or "scripty" languages (python, JS), or if there are also people working with languages like C++ where oop is pretty much established. and if the latter, i'm curious how people design their code and what problems they solve... tell me your story :D

I really like to help people with programming related issues/questions if they are stuck after research. BUT PLEASE FOR FUCKS SAKE LEARN HOW TO PROPERLY DESCRIBE YOUR ERROR/PROBLEM. "Doesn't work" is not helpful at all an shows no effort was taken to try to figure out the problem yourself. FUCK YOU.

Biggest pet peeve is when someone develops a shitty project using XYZ technology/language and a tutorial and they somehow think they know XYZ and all of it's intricacies and are an expert dev in XYZ. 😐😐😐. No you fucking know how to follow a tutorial and you have a small understanding of XYZ. End rant.

How do you guys do all of this and have families and be good people y'all are absolute champions.

Quick question, how do you guys find the energy/motivation to create side projects?

Currently, I'm working around 8 hours a day and afterwards I can't really think about getting on the PC as I know that I will burn out eventually and end up messing up the following work day.

Do you take a shorter work day? Do you work on non IT related side-projects? Maybe someone wants to discuss on how to avoid burn-outs and still have fun while working and doing side-projects? :) All ideas are welcome for this topic!

Our clients are upto date with technologies and website standards. We make all our websites in Joomla using HTML5.3 and CSS3. How much of HTML5.3 do you know?

your laptop stickers are great and all, but how do you like your eggs cooked?

Ok that's nice and all Google but how about you fix the fucking UI, laggy interfaces, janked and half baked tablet mode and just all round fix what you broke from chromeOS 70 onwards?

You know.. make sure things are stable before pretty?

[worst hypothetical dev job]

You know how theres a dedicated person in porn whos job is blowing the actors so they are hard? That, but with writing all the boilerplate code and nothing else.

Never forget how it feels to be new and overwhelmed. For every question that you ask, remember that you should eventually pay that back by answering one for someone newer than you.

I think a lot of times, once developers get enough experience, it's all too easy to judge or make fun of those who are new for something they don't know. Remember that you were there once and lend a non-judgmental helping hand!

Tinfoil hat time!

So, for this scenario we assume a world war has is in full swing, and all communications are either completely out or extremely monitored.

Additionally, no servers can be trusted and no ISPs can be trusted. Even when downloading software you cannot know if the software you got is tampered or not.

You have to send a message to a recipient you cannot physically contact, and you have to make sure him and only him get the message, otherwise nukes are deployed and we all die. The message has to arrive within 3 months or else it's too late.

Is it possible? If yes, how?

You know how some kid says "poo" like it's the best joke ever? That's exactly what your shitty "programmer" jokes are like, and we're all fucking tired of them (not to mention we've already heard them countless times).

So hyped cause my side project had +20% traffic last week !!!!

Turns out it was all coming from 'Secret.ɢoogle.com You are invited! Enter only with this ticket URL. Copy it. Vote for Trump!'

Google Analytics how easily are you fooled ?

DAPHNE: We finally caught the mean old Edge Browser! Now let's find out who you *really* are!
SCOOBY: Ruh-roh!
SHAGGY: Yoink!
DAPHNE: Gasp! It was Old Man Trident Rendering Engine all along!
VELMA: We could have worked it out from how Edge has exactly the same bugs and performance problems is IE!
OLD MAN TRIDENT: And I'd have got away with it if it wasn't for you pesky kids!

I swear to god, if I read another medium post on how you managed to be focused and productive I will fucking... well... roll my eyes, make a facepalm and rant about it on devRant!

Who gives a shit if I'm unproductive and unfocused?!

Well, look at me now, I'm fucking productive while I write about you, you fucking peace off shit! And guess what? I'm not even using any of your 40 todo apps or time trackers. There is no pomodoro timer next to me or framed quotes from Steve Jobs hanging on the wall. Oh, I must be a fucking genius!

But what if YOU became unproductive?
What will happen when YOU start to procrastinate?

Do you really think the world would care?

Oh, but you are not really a writer are you? you're a developer building your app!?
Well fuck, I guess you're going to change the world than?
It's your big project. Your life's work, your legacy.

Let me remind you...

All apps will be abandoned!
All blog post will be forgotten!
Productive people will die!
Focused people will die!
Enthusiastic bloggers writing about productivity will die!
All CEOs and CTOs will die!
All developers will die!
Steve Jobs is dead!
In x years, you and I will also be dead!

Whatever you do, it's not really that important!
It's really not.

You're not going to change the world.
The world doesn't need another app.
The world doesn't need your advice on how to be productive.
You are not special.

Deal with it!

*Me explaining how the modules were planed out*
Me: Did you all understand how we are going to proceed?
Coworker 1: yes!
Coworker 2: easy!
Narrator: An epic story about a group of software developers, that build walls instead of modules, is about to unfold.

I want you all to think back on how "transparent" and "helpful" everyone was to you when you were useful to the company.

And then as soon as you were gone, did they just complain and say something like "how could fullstackclown leave us??!?!?!"

I swear, the last call I was on, I literally heard the phrase "we are such a good team, we think up great MVP products and you guys execute so well"

Let me translate: "we are whimsical fucksticks and you are our slaves to implement it because we ourselves are too incompetent to do it"

Well no more.

Fucking tools, all of them, everyone just wants to use us to get ahead. No competence, no self-understanding, just encapsulate the "IT" or "tEcHiE" people to some department - doesn't even have to even be near us, they can be from any geographic location; they can just be replaced at a moment's notice!

Yeah, well fuck you, because we're growing in skill and understanding, and fighting against you.

Fucking 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡s

The unionized revolution of software developer is coming soon.

Well I wish I could abandon jQuery and bootstrap all together and just use some vuejs admin template with my Laravel app. But things are not that easy and I am a lvl 1.0 vuejs user.

So sorry V girl, you gotta learn how to live with Mr.J for a few more months.

I think the author of Mythical Man Month would be interested to see how wildly popular devRant has become. Maybe we are all optimists when we start out programming, but once you expose us to clients, PMs and deadlines. Well.. we're going to need somewhere to rant.
(and in case you haven't yet had the pleasure of reading it):

All programmers are optimists. Perhaps this modern sorcery especially attracts those who believe in happy endings and fairy godmothers. Perhaps the hundreds of nitty frustrations drive away all but those who habitually focus on the end goal. Perhaps it is merely that computers are young, programmers are younger, and the young are always optimists. But however the selection process works, the result is indisputable: 'This time it will surely run,' or 'I just found the last bug'
( The Mythical Man Month ).

- Frederick Brooks, Jr.

Why the fuck didn't I discover FreeTube earlier?

It's a YouTube client that's faster, without the dark UI patterns, with an integrated ad blocker, download feature and the settings that were always missing.
And all subscriptions are stored offline so you don't even need a fucking account.

(Not) Surprising how pleasant it can be to use when the UI isn't literal garbage.

You know how a normal developer will start writing a program, and then take the big pieces and split/refactor it; move hard coded things into functions that take arguments, and cleaning up along the way?

Our manager makes a tons of empty files, and empty directories, with how he thinks he wants to build something, and checks them all in. Tons of .gitkeep files in empty directories, blank Jenkinsfile, Dockerfile that doesn't build.

When he makes wiki documentation, there are tons of subsections, all of which are links to pages with "TODO" in them.

Dear god stop it you asshat! Stop making tons of empty files and pages. Write the thing in one chunk and then split it as needed like someone who actually knows how to engineer software!

I distinctly remember all of us discussing how we prefer to work at night. I worked through the night and now about to work through the day. Now it's all a blur and I feel numb inside. This voice keeps saying "you are just a machine" and then I wake up with qwerty stamped on my forehead and the music bringing me back. Time to work!

Stack Overflow is a great resource for all sorts of programming hints and tips, information and...sadly, desinformation. But if you want to comment on something someone's said you need 50 reputation points. How to achieve that when you need rep points to do anything that could earn you rep points? It's a catch 22 for newcomers that are like totally excluded from any discussions at SO which is more sort of a read-only community to me. This is where devRant shines. Anyone can rant about anything and comment on anyone's rant. Some rants and comments are stupid, and some are great. In the end of the day, freedom of speech is a great thing.

Just asked a question on another stackexchange site. Funny how almost all questions and answers are being upvoted. Thats something that you are not used to experience on stackoverflow :P

Fuck you, previous lead architect dictator! I spent a year arguing against your rigid nonsense custom built bullshit, and a year and a half after the client finally caught on and got rid of you I just got bitten yet again from one of your retarded over-complicated "solutions" to problems that never existed in the first place.

I wish I could send you an email and tell you about how I have thrown out all the useless shit you created and that we are all clearly better off now, but instead I will just share my frustration on DevRant and hope you read it and know exactly who you are.

I feel sorry for your current client.

When "Programmers" don't understand how something as simple as git works.

>Do they keep whole repository in a zip file for each commit? Having made 100 commits is there 100 zips with all the files? or is each commit additive to the first commit. so that 1 zip with all the files you just get files added or removed based on what commit you are downloading?

Stuff like this makes me cry.....
-commit 1GB file
-commit another 1GB file
Repo is now 3GB? Seems legit right?

My main mailbox is so full of spam i almost missed a good job test. Wtf
And these mails are so fucking irrelevant loan, cars, bank, life insurances... I DON'T FUCKING CARE ABOUT THEM, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU FILLING MY MAILBOX YOU ASSHOLES 😠😠😠

and what's even more weird is how they all have one common sentence in exact formatting : "you can simply WIPE Out your mail from the mailing list".

I feel as if my email has been hacked. Any suggestions?

Learned an important lesson today- Never be sentimental towards your code.
The only thing common in all clients is the habit of changing their requirements, how sure they are about the unsurity of what they want. And if you are sentimental towards the code you write, about a difficult algorithm you implemented you will be in a mess

It's going to be a long rant here and probably my fist rant ! And yes I am pissed up with a community growing in dev world .
There are so called framework experts who are so good that they can spin up a nodejs server with express and mongodb .
So to the people who bash on php , who bash down MySQL for no fuckig reason other than they have heard these are not so cool.fuck yourself incompetent piece of crap!!! I can hear all day about how algorithms and datsructure are not important form these people.fuck you because if you don't know /understand /want to understand the basics of computing how the fuck can your brain be trusted with anyting serious??If you can't write down proofs of basic / standard algorithms and till bash down on people who do those please fuck you because those are the people indirectly responsible for your Job so that u can work on fancy frameworks and cool IDE's .
Instead of whining down dedicate some time to your maturity and knowledge because that what we devs are all about.we like solving problems right?.
I repeat if you are anything like stating up it career in mid 20s maybe.leave everything if you can .Forget all fucking frameworks and technologies start with basics of computing, right at instruction level using assembly .Then move to a higher language when u know and reason about what your CPU is actually doing.
If you can't do that and keep on crying and bashing down things wihout proper explanations fuck yourself with a cactus .

$rant = false;
Let say you guys are working in a team of 3 and need to share a database. All of you are in different locations.

I am currently hosting my database on online server, which is kind of slow for me because I have poor Internet in my country. How do you guys do it?

Not sure if a rant but.

How many of you guys gets so bored durning meetings on all the none important stuff or not related to you that you just start codeing instead?

I have these hours long meetings with analist that can talk calculations all dat long, how usefull they are, wich analyses you can do for them. I really don't care. Just tell me the formula and I will make it. Do not care whether A is voltage or the amount of pink clouds on sunday.

Shit, loads to do, but I have man flu. I can't concentrate for more than a few minutes. I've decided to abandon all hope of doing anything today. Daytime TV, how shit you are, sometimes shit is exactly what I need.

good evening folks,

im living in germany and want to get my first domain...
should i use ". de" or ". com", what would you prefer?
It should be an portfolio of myself if i finished it.
We have people from around the world here, how are you handling this? Does it matter at all?
thanks for help.

What I absolutely love to do is refactoring. With strongly typed languages, I often just remove or change something and then follow the compiler errors to finish the refactoring by fixing them.
It‘s not just a matter of renaming something. I will reliably get all the places in code which are affected by the change.

How do you handle that with weakly typed languages like JS? I can only imagine how horrible of an experience refactoring would be.

Company Emails that tell you
who they are
what believe in.
How they were the market leaders since the stone age.
what their values are
what their holistic approach to life is. How they are diversifying inclusiveness to include diversity.
And how all of this bull shit ties into you being a ideal employee of the organisation
Just to get you to fill a damn form.

Makes me wish the next attempt at human extinction succeeds.

Anyone using Robotic Process Automation (RPA)---such as UIPath---in their work? If so, can you share what you are doing with it and how you feel about it?

And how does RPA differ from Automator on macOS, if at all?

!!!!!!!!RANT!

today (~9h ago) i was in college lab, alone, and few minutes later 2 seniors came in and sat behind me and started working on some webpage and they were talking about HTML and CSS and all of a sudden one guy says "how can we make a page responsive?" and other guy goes "we use JavaScript"

my brain: "wtf, JavaScript?? are you nuts? responsive pag- are you fucking cra- why am i even- why the fuck would you say Jav- why God why??”

i had to get that off chest...

I’m convinced that CSS is black magic and those that can visualize what it’s going to do before changing code are witches/warlocks.

Usually my attempts end up in humor as the website ends up /comically/ broken. Elements shifted around to not anywhere near they belong, drop downs appearing from completely nonsensical places...

No idea how you all do it.

So you are running ads and people who click your ads land on a blog post? What is the goal? How are you measuring conversions? How do you know if an ad or post actually helped?

Am: "When can you get this up?"

Me: "I don't have any of the information I need to make a page."

Am: "skip all the seo crap and tell me how long to get the content online"

Me: "you're missing the whole point of a blog post. But ok it's online"

Am: "was that so hard?"

No, putting garbage on a site is not hard. Creating useful web pages with content that is easy to find and read is a time consuming process and it would go smoother and faster if you followed the checklist I gave you which lays out what I want, in a single, cohesive document, all of the necessary pieces to a web page or blog post or content edit. We have templates for you to follow to help eliminate back and forth emails which causes things to get lost or fall through the cracks.

You know shit is going to hit the fan if the sentence "c++ is the same as java" is said because fuck all the underlying parts of software. It's all the fucking same. Oh and to write a newline in bash we don't use \n or so, we just put an empty echo in there. And fuck this #!/bin/bash line, I'm a teacher. I don't need to know how shit works to teach shit. Let's teach 'em you need stdio for printf even tho it compiles fine without on linux (wtf moment number one, asking em leaves you with "dunno..") and as someone who knows c you look at your terminal questioning everything you ever learned in your whole life. And then we let you look into the binaries with ldd and all the good stuff but we won't explain you why you can see a size difference in the compiled files even tho you included stdio in the second one, and all symbol tables show the exact same thing but dude chill, we don't know what's going on either.
Oh and btw don't use different directory names as we do in our examples. You won't find your own path, there is no tab key you can press to auto-fill shit.
But thats not everything. How about we fill a whole semester with "this is how to printf" but make you write a whole game with unity and c#. (not thaught even the slightest bit until then btw)
Now that you half-assed everything because we put you in a group full of fucks who don't even know what a compiler is but want to tell you you don't know shit and show you their non-working unfinished algorithms in some not-even-syntax-correct java...

...how about we finally go on with Algebra II: complex numbers, how they are going to fuck up your life, how we can do roots of negative numbers all of the sudden and let you do some probability shit no one ever fucking needs. BUT WHY DON'T YOU KNOW EVERYTHING ALREADY HMMMMM, IT'S YOUR SECOND LESSON, YOU WENT TO SCHOOL PLS BE A MATH PRO ASAP CUS YOU NEED IT SO MUCH BUT YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW PROPER SYNTAX, HOW MEMORY MANAGEMENT WORKS, WHAT A REFERENCE IS AND PLS FINALLY FORGET THE WORD "ALLOCATION" IT DOESN'T PLAY A SINGLE ROLE YOU ARE STUDYING SOFTWARE DEVELOPMENT WHY ARE YOU SO BAD AT ECONOMICS IT MAKES NO SENSE I MEAN YOU HAD A WHOLE SEMESTER OF HOW TO GREET SOMEONE IN ENGLISH, MATHS > ECONOMICS > ENGLISH > FUCKING SHIT > CODING SKILL THATS HOW THE PRIORITIES WORK FOR US WHY DON'T YOU GET IT IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE BRAH

Coworker: So should we just make a living document to keep track of how all these objects are going to interact with each other?

Boss: No, are you kidding? No one reads documentation!

I mean... he has a point...

Dear Managers; we do not appreciate how comfortable you are behind a facade of ignorance. Your inaction is directly responsible for the failures of your team; both technical and cultural. You are why we are unhappy, you are why we stop growing, you are why we do not care, you are why we do not innovate; and most important of all, you are why we leave.

@DFox @trogus found a bug- not sure how easy it will be to fix... if you change your username, mentions in rants and comments still have the old username which will be confusing for people trying to figure out who the mention is for.

Is it possible that on editing a username, all mentions in all comments and rants are renamed as well?

Theres so many motherfucking command line utilities in web development that I'm surprised there isn't a 128 megabyte NPM install for a leftpad CLI.

God damn people who develop tooling for web development are some navel gazing cunts.
"How can I feel more self important? Lets put a CLI in front of this web bundler!"

Dumbasses.

What happened to the days of purity? Of cleanliness? Of kosher compliant web development, where all you had to do was include a script tag?

Gone are those days. Welcome to Babel(on)!
I put a CLI in your CLI so you can masturbate while you masturbate!

How can you bring in a PBX device with no manual at all and the settings are all in Chinese and expect me to be a God and configure it?

That’s it! I have had enough of business development, design and other non-technical departments of the business! STOP making us technical types sit through your demo meetings and circle-jerking each other on how great everything looks and “how exited you are for the future…”!

Look, I’m all for enthusiasm but taking it in turns to make over optimistic comments feels false and nauseating!!!!

How are you supposed to fix bugs in your program where:
1. it has been investigated before and was not found how to reproduce it
2. it cannot be tested at all
3. never happens on the test environment

fml

!rant

mods are asleep.

all aboard the ++ train

How to:
++ all the comments in the thread. once you reach the end, post a comment. only post one comment. board the train.

Microsoft :

"YOLO All Devops pipeline are now .net 8"

Me, lunching PROD release : "Whatever, I don't use any advanced shit"

Pipeline : "Can't connect to your nuget soure (private) : 401"

Me : What ? You just connected to it in prevous step in pipeline !

Azure : Yah, but prev st ep was using different syntax so it worked

Me : Ok, here you go, same syntax

Azure : Still nop.
Me : WHY ?!!!
Azure : I won't tell you. 401 !!

Me : Fuck you, I 'll rewrite this step from scrath !
30 mins later

Azure : Naaaan, stil 401.
Me : HOW ?!!! You literally use this nuget feed in 2 prev steps with no issues.
Azure : Fuck you
Me : fuck you too.
15 mins later
me to me... Hmm, I've already restored all packages. They "should" stay where they are..
Me : Take that azure : Ignore restoring for this step"
Azure : Oh yeah, that works ! All compiled !

WTF ?!!!! And why they release cha ges without even sending a mail. because fuck us apparently.

God I hate devops....

Thought experiment time:

Imagine that this whole universe is a simulation created by a Group Of Developers (GOD).

- Who would make up this group?
- What kind of design patterns would they follow?
- What type of programming language would they use?
- What kind of bugs are there if any?
- How do they test?
- Assuming the use of quantum computing, what are the implications? Parallel simulations? All possibilities play out?
- Would the controller input be life?
- Who is AI and who are players?
- Has all time already been rendered?
- Do we respawn?
- What would the leaderboard look like?
- What kind of stats are tracked
- What are dreams, nightmares, lucid dreams, sleep paralysis, birth and death?
- How is memory stored, accessed and pruned?
- What kind of neural net is used and where?

etc etc, if you can think of any other interesting fire away

fuck coworkers who will still disturbed you even you have your earphones on, just to debate you if you know the difference between a class and an object.

(also talks confidently and loud enough to attract other officemates attention.)

Turns out that this same asshole doesn't know what he is talking about. Then you proved him wrong , and in the end he will just copy what you are saying. In other words all the time wasted for nothing! fck

fuck these kind of people. my productivity suffers, also they look like fools.

fuck these assholes who are very specific in technical names and jargons but dont know how to use it. fuck you all arrogant asshole dipshit mdfckrr feeling superior and annoying

sorry peeps argghh

can someone give me a hug

Googling how to electromagnetically shield a espruino project from neodymium magnets over lunch, and that leads on a trail of manipulating and directing em fields...

"What are you doing? That doesn't look anything like a binary tree structure in Java... What the hell is all that?"

"Uhm... Personal research?"

Dear Kubuntu 20.04
You're not a programming language but I felt that you fit here in this wkRant so people can see how shitty you became.

It's about 6:27am CET, and you wasted my night, you used to be as simple as sudo apt-get install, now you're mostly PPA first or worse, make. You killed make now we use cmake. We are now looking for debs, which is a pain since you end up in an index site without download here. And the debs now don't work. Missing dependencies. You killed core libraries saying they are now incompatible or obsolete.
All I want is my god damn cli visualiser and osdlyrics back!!

I guess all of you know udemy.
Can anyone tell me whether HR actually gives any shit about "I finished an udemy class"-certificates?
I like udemy. To get into a new language or something like that it's pretty cool (if you are ok with paying for things you can find on google, too). But somehow i don't trust their certificates. Do they make you look like a fool if you put them in your cv? Or is it a prove of "see how engaged I am"?

<iframe src="index5.jsp">

Hello Mr. Tester Guy, At last you finally saw this. I don't know how to say this but I'm sick and tired of your bs!

You wanna know what’s wrong with everything?

I could tell you what’s wrong with this country – or at least I could give you my opinion about it. I could tell you what’s wrong with “the church” (as though all churches are guilty of what some churches do). But I can't fucking tell what your problem is!

Let’s get pragmatic for a second.

I have worked tirelessly for over only God knows how long, trying to get this platform running on all browsers in this world even on obsolete ones (IE7,6,5,4,3... to the shithole).

You are heartless!
After all these pain you still rant about index pages not rendering equally in time across all browsers.
You are a demon from hell!

I could go on, but with your degree in Q.A. (like measuring the margin between two images using a tape-rule or looking for typos in a dummy text) you should understand my point fucking cunt.

I realize I just ranted a little, but I’d like to think that this rant is more of an attempt to end the useless practice of ranting about your moronic findings on this platform.

The devil awaits you in hell, bitch!

</iframe>

git rebase > git merge

I'm honestly tired of colleagues completely fucking up the git history along with creating conflicts for no reason at all.
How do you even manage to "recommit" changes when merging?

I can't even squash properly because there are 5 merge commits on the feature branch. Fuck off

In my experience, any BE dev or old architect/lead programmer that says they “can do frontend” does shit like writing Ajax calls in script tags directly in the html. They are the ones who add style attributes directly in html. They are the ones who google how to center a div and they still use float positioning because all of them are old, arrogant BE devs who get caught in a single framework who convince themselves they are an expert. They can’t give any good UX advice. They don’t know how to use a screen reader. They don’t know what WCAG means. They don’t constantly keep up to date on what browsers are supporting and what’s being released in the unstable versions. They don’t know what a web component is. They don’t know what a closure is. They don’t know anything about optimizing web perf metrics. They couldn’t tell you what web crawlers look for. They couldn’t tell you anything about design principles and anti-patterns. They don’t know how to manage a web application that will be seen by millions AND keep it nice, shiny, and refactorable on the code side. What do they really fucking know? how to write an MVC app? How to connect APIs and integrate code that other people wrote? I do full stack all day and writing anything not-client-facing is super easy.

Take that stick out of your ass and get over yourself you asshole. You haven’t written anything close to amazing even though you constantly act like you’re a god-tier programmer and your shit doesn’t stink.

Hit the books like the rest of us you fuck.

The Frontend is anything but fucking easy.

Have had multiple interview rejections already at 20. Strongly feel I am bad at it.
Maybe it's because these are my first few interviews and/or that I'm still in college and don't realise how interviews work.

Really hard not to grudge the interviewer after a rejection. Cunts all of them.

Share your story/opinion if you feel like.

I know Windows update rants are a dime a dozen but HOW IN THE FUCK DID YOU MICROSUCKADICK BOOT LICKERS SHOVE SO MUCH HORSESHIT INTO THIS UPDATE THAT IT UNINSTALLED VIRTUALBOX? The hell?

Really, I rebooted my PC, short cuts everything, gone! Newer stuff is there plus any restore point would have had VirtualBox installed, so what the hell.

I’m stating to think that when Windows says “all your files are exactly where you left them” it’s a best guess because it just completely fucked with all your files for no reason and tried to put them back but it’s not so sure.

This is my first rant so how are you all?

Hey devRant people !

How are you ?
I’ve a question, do you know a website like FrontendMaster, CloudAcademy or LinuxAcademy but ... for backend stuff ?

EdX, Udemy and all are very good but I would like to find a platform specialized in this topic.

Reading all the week37 pranks, I really envy you folks. I mean these pranks are loud and big, won't others get distracted is my question? How do they let you work after these pranks? 😁

Honestly I don’t remember any particular one cause every interview is such a traumatic experience.
People on interviews are almost all the same, they just try to prove their superiority over you and break you.

I totally understand why, it’s because they think they understand what IT is about and in fact they understand shit, that’s why also most of computer systems are shit, cause of shitty people doing it who don’t understand how computer work, they can just copy paste stuff and do beautiful talks about how cool they are and how awesome their company is.

At the end ( at the edge ) it doesn’t matter if you know tech stack or not, if you have gazillion years of experience or you just started. It only matters if you can solve problems and how good and fast you can do it.

But well do your reverse tree in 15 minutes. I’d rather be talking about philosophy during the interview.

People who are on their computer all day, how do you deal with finger ache?

It's been long. How have you been guys ? Life is pretty fucking shit right now. Hope you all are doing well.

I just wanna find docs

I search for my problem

why the hell are there 300 links to random people with outdated methods trying to tell you how to do something

I just want the man pages, ffs

I blame @SidTheITGuy saying we are all sitting on gold mines of information and should really become YouTube celebrities dispensing such knowledge

Do you all comprehend how dangerous devRant - especially its users are? What if we all quit our jobs and handed them a business card “devRant - ‘your name here’” and just stuck to contracting. Stick it to the man and have fun while doing it. 😂

All you guys are here ranting about how your interview didn't go as planned and I'm just sitting here like "at least you got an interview; I don't even get a phone call back."

That moment when you know Python, and start in a serious national competition. You expect god knows how hard tasks....and all of a sudden you realise that all of them are in turtle...rip

How often have you seen a manager working as an individual contributor when things are urgent and the assigned engineer is sick!!!
Such type of managers are the rarest species that can be found on Earth.
I hope everyone gets such managers and then, all Devs gonna have a great time working in tons of interesting and feasible projects.

I love devrant so much for how I feel it's the one social network in which I feel part of the community, and I hate it for letting me realize how alive all of the stereotypical behaviours the IT crowd is usually shunned for are amongst us.

Users and managers aren't stupid, processes in a company are usually there for a reason, and if your boss is really that much of a dimwit, then why the hell are you even there?

This has to be one of the most recession proof professions out there. Change jobs. Stop blaming everybody else for your shortcomings, damn it.

But, yeah, much love to all of you making us look good and being humble about it.

Today I noticed how incredibly insecure IBANs are.

You give it to anyone who wants to transfer money to your bank account, and all you need to perform a transaction is an IBAN, the account holders name and his signature.

So anyone who has your IBAN, your name and your signature (which all can occur in a single mail) can just send himself money from your account, cash out and move away. Noone can prove that it wasn't you who did the transaction and you couldnt find the guy.

And this is what all the banks in Europe use? What am I missing here?... how can a system this important be this insecure?

Client: Can you put all the add on products we sell into the MDSL (Master Daily Sales Log)

Why aren't you adding them to the new console system? It allows you to add them and tracks all actions on the sale.

Client: The Health Agents don't know how to do that, and I think the manger hasn't added them into the system....yup he didn't add them.

Me: So how are you tracking the addon products you are selling?

Client: I don't know. Can you just add them to the MDSL.

Me: I wrote the console system to replace the MDSL, why are you using the spaghetti code system I wrote 8 years ago?

Client: They like it better because of this one report they use.

Me: I rewrote that report for the new system and it even gives more info.

Client: But the owner doesn't trust it, because it shows conversions and sales instead of just sales.

Me: ...

!Rant
How do you all store photos on your site?
Personally, I setup a unique directory for each users, user table has directory name column and every photos that they upload are store in there. Any other ways?

I've just heard from the business person that we are giving high estimates on the projects delivery time out of spite. Are you fucking kidding me. All of that just because they wrote Hello World and they think they now better how much time it will take.

You know how people are making fun of duo lingo birb getting’ all in your business about learning new language & not missing out on your daily exercises?

Well, our jira just upped the ante.. Boss asks why task xy is assigned to him.. um dunno?! I go check activity, as I don't even remember doing anything with that task recently..

All the dates, 'just now' remarks etc. on activity tab are in Russian.. WTF jira?!
ты пытаешься мне что-то сказать?

Never ask a friend or a close acquaintance to do something like a design. It's really hard to tell your honest thoughts about how shit actually looks and you end up settling for a lower quality resource than you could have acquired. I now understand that keeping things strictly professional is vital for a business's well being. Especially if you are dealing with people under you. And now I understand how hard it is to keep up a business face. My heart goes to all the working class. 😂

!rant

I've got a question for everyone as we are all in the same realm. How do you handle working for a company who provides no motivation, very little challenges, horrible pay, incompetent developers, and completely useless management?

Also, no other opportunities in the area. Literally. So, "change companies" wouldn't really be a viable option.

Procrastination is not a bad thing as opposed to how society describes it. It's where ideas and new strategies are invented. Of course if you procrastinate all day then it may be an issue of not getting things done, but fighting it all the time does not help.

The mind is trying to tell you something, let it flow.

I'm intrigued, what are you all trying to learn in your spare time and how?

I'll go first, brushing up on maths by reading K A Stroud advanced engineering mathematics.

He's got an intro level book that's also very good.

@college project submission
Teacher:once done print all your codebase and come with to class
Me:But sir there are better ways of submitting our code.
Teacher :what do you suggest
Me:we can a repo such as bitbucket or github
Teacher:I got no idea of that you send the code using Gmail or just print the code for your grading.

Me:for Christ sake how will I send all my android files through Gmail.

Microsoft FUCK YOU!
How the fuck did you lock my account and make it impossible for me to recover it.
I have send you all the information that you have asked me and you still tell me that you can't prove my ownership? Bullshit!

Aggggghhh, this is making so angry since all my accounts are setup to log in with that email account.

This is why I hate technical support people who only reply what is written in a fucking script.

Sorry for swearing that much. Not really. Fuck you Microsoft!

@devs with sizeable student loans:

How are you finding paying back your loans? Is it super tight? Not at all? How long are you/have you taken to repay?

I know this will be different for everybody but I’m interested in seeing a variety of answers!