!dev

1. It's one of those few times in life that listening to Lq's Numb doesn't make me feel less anxious. Or Somewhere I Belong. Either way, anxiety levels are on all time high.

2. I have completely lost appetite. Usually at this point in time I'd go to doctor and ask for Xanax or something similar, to chill for a few days. But covid. I ain't going to any clinic, plus, ain't nobody got time for that.

3. On top of everything, I am also PMSing. The lack of energy, times n. (n>10)

4. Struggling to get out of bed for hours is now a reality.

5. I'm glad ("glad" is exaggeration tho) this will pass in a few weeks. I am hanging on to that hope and experience tells me it will pass. But my feelings are like "nah, we doomed. Let's just run away. Or just sleep until it all passes or we die of starvation."

6. My brain must work for the next few days. If I have to push it by drowning it in sugar, I will. But I'm also obese rn. Well, I guess it's "Hello diabetes!".

7. My hands and feet are cold. Like, freezing cold. Meanwhile, the rest of me is sweating. This sucks. Ngl.

8. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. Like, those last stabby stabs moments in a battle where you know you're gonna fall down soon. I know this feeling of doom and gloom is PMS related, but it's there. I have no solution for that aside from nicotine and sugar.

9. I can't even cry. Which is sad.
... Do you see what's happening there? That's the loop I'm in.

It's been a while since i stopped programming.....
It's been so busy with all the school work/assignments/ and the most important part is that school ends at 10pm, arrive home at 11pm, prepare for tomorrow school stuff, sleep at 2am, wake up at 7am next morning, and again ends at 10pm 5 days a week...
It is exhausting, but I am getting used to this routine.
Studying my own programming skills or working on a side project? Not sure when to do it... The only way to continue studying is at breaks at school, or sleep less and study....
But it is impossible....
I have some great projects that are waiting to go out to the world, to list a few:
- cloud gaming
- cloud storage with live streaming
- complete school schedule management
- home automation framework in dotnet
- deepfakes and ai image generation algorithm (~18 months of training till now)
- game cheat engine (20GB total omfg ^^)
- and more
and I don't have time to finish it. lol
I think it will see the bright world after 3 years of high school... By then, my projects will be ancient, probably....

TIme is really short.
24 hours equally, but feels like 8 hours a day....

Should I abandon the project rn and focus on studying? (probably should)
or should i sell the project or open source it?

Also, how do you manage your time between work(study) and side projects (especially big ones)?