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Mom : My washing machine is not working.
Please fix it.
Me : I am a computer engineer.
Mom : You are an engineer though.
Me : That's not how it works.
.
.
.
2 hours and many YouTube tutorials later
Me : It's done.
Mom : Didn't I tell you you can do it.24 -
Boss: "it's not the same font"
Me: "yes, it is"
Boss: "don't argue with me. It's a different font"
Me: "ok it's a different font" (it's not)
Boss: "change it please"
15 minutes later and I've done nothing at all to it. Boss comes back.
Boss: "see? I knew it was a different font. This looks perfect now. Why were you lying to me before? I don't like you arguing with me"11 -
Person: HTML is a programming language
Me: No it's not
Person: Yes it is it can compute things
Me: No it can't, and what do you mean?
Person: Have you ever heard of a script tag
Me: That's not fucking HTML that's JavaScript.15 -
I've tried to joke about it, but you won't pick up the hint. I've told you about the smell, but you think it is a joke. It's not. It. Is. Not. A. Joke.
STOP MICROWAVING FISH IN THE OFFICE YOU FUCKING SOCIOPATH!11 -
No it's not AI. YOU ARE RUNNING FUCKING SQL QUERIES AND CALLING IT AI!
No it's not AI. YOU ARE RUNNING SIMPLE DATA ANALYSIS MACROS AND FUNCTIONS IN EXCEL!
Stop labelling everything as AI, you attention and investment seeking morons! @&£$¢×xo##!29 -
~Ring ring~
Me: Hello, how can i help you?
User: The system is not working
Me: It's because there is not electricity
User: Oh, thanks
10 seconds later
Me: Hello, how...
User: Hi, it's me again, i checked in the building and there is light in the hallway
Me: It's the emergency lights
User: Oh, thanks5 -
A: "You write code? Can you fix my computer?"
M: "No, that's not how it works, bud"
A: "Why? It's both computer stuff."
M: *points to the greasy tire shop* "Let's go get your car painted there*
A: "Hell no"
M: "Why? It's both car stuff."
😂4 -
BOSS: That icon is not centered, move it slightly to the right
ME: You're wrong, I can garantee you it's centered (it was centered)
BOSS: Well, my eyes are telling me it's not, so move it to the right
ME: (faking increasing margin)
ME: Ok, now it's 10 px to the right, what do you think?
BOSS: it's a great result, now it's perfect! Cant you see the difference?
ME: Absolutely, you do are the real designer here...
BOSS: Ohhh, stop complaining, you'll learn one day...
ME: Yep.18 -
Me : I'm having a pretty bad headache.
Boss : Stop acting like a girl and get back to work.
Me: It's a migraine headache.
Boss: Ohh!! You know it's just in your head stop being a pussy. Don't think about the headache, and you won't feel any pain.
Me(in my head) : You fucking idiot you are partially correct it's in my head. But the pain won't stop if I stop thinking about it.
*Why the fuck does no one understand a neurological disease. If i'm not physically hurt, it doesn't mean i'm not in pain*
Fucking ignorant bastards.13 -
Normal devRant user:
- Look, the algo it's awesome, it matches similar content posts, it's so funny!
Meanwhile at devRant Headquarters:
trogus: When are you telling them?
dfox: Ignorance is bliss, my friend
trogus: Well, at least we know the random number generator it's not coded by Sony though, otherwise they would suspect12 -
Fixing family / friends technical problems, episode 2.
Problem: "I lost my iPhone, I know there's a thing that lets you find it. Can you help?"
Debugging:
Me: sure, it's called "find my iPhone"
Friend: ah yes that's it. How do I use it?
Me: I'll show you, just login here and ... oh you didn't set it up?
Friend: Probably not, I don't know much about this computer stuff.
Me: ... when you setup your phone for the first time, it's a full screen thing that says "do you want us to locate your phone if it's lost. Yes / No". It's hardly writing an encryption algorithm now is it?
Friend: no it's not, but still I just didn't know. I probably clicked no for everything.
Me: ... says here you clicked yes for iCould ... and yes for photo sync ... so you read the one about your pictures but not about lost or stolen property ... nice.
Friend: ... so you can't find it then.
Me: No, natural selection took it away from you.
Friend: oh **** off.6 -
Mom : there's a letter for you. It's from USA. Are you in trouble ?
Me : oooouh shit what have I done ?
Fiuuuuu..NSA still not tracking my buggy code 😂
9 -
I kid you not, it's been impossible to find a rubber duck, so I had to make my own. Yes, his head is wonky, it's intentional, I wanted him to match me 😁
16 -
"If it's not broken, don't fix it"
Follow that and you will be blessed with lots of ugly, duct-taped, hacky and unoptimized code -_-11 -
Turns out, double tapping the rant too fast will not ++ it, but open it (sometimes twice even).
Not certain if it's a bug or just my shitty touchscreen, but make sure you tap more slowly if you have similar problems.3 -
Do not ever develop a project for family or friends.
It's the fucking worst decision you will make.
Damn i wish I knew this shit earlier.
They make you become an asshole.8 -
A: Hey look! I have a brand new computer!
B: Oh, so you use Linux?
A: No, I use Windows.
B: Than it's not your computer.13 -
The best part of being a dev?
You can be a nerd, you can dress lousy, you got all those fancy tech you can work with, it's diverse, it's fun. And on top of that, it's not even remotely hard to find a job and get payed well.8 -
My boss: "Do you ever like, not be on the computer?"
Me: " it's my job"
Boss: "oh shit you right. My bad"2 -
"secure" messaging apps which aren't open source.
Isn't it common sense that, when you can't check an app for anything because it's closed source (backdoors, vulnerabilities etc), you technically can't be sure whether it's actually secure or not?
And no, I'm not going to trust an app dev on his/her blue fucking eyes on this one.28 -
Life lesson learned:
If your girlfriend asks you what SO means, it's "Significant Other",
NOT StackOverflow.7 -
It's not micromanagment. But I would like you to report to me every single day and discuss everything that you and every member of your team does every day.10
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For the privacy conscious people under us, take a look at the search engine searx.me.
'but I don't believe it respects privacy when it's not open sour.... ' - it's entirely open source.
You can even install it on your own server!20 -
I hate Linux so much. I mean, how could anyone of you barbarians like it??
I don't understand the hate for windows. It's secure, emphasizes privacy, and it's Microsoft. What's not to love?
Linux is just proprietary malware.26 -
Programming is not knowing some language very well. It's about how you solve complex problems with the right tools for the job.5
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When you have an awesome startup idea and it's not even close to being in the market, it feels good man
2 -
Fake or not I think all HR should learn to be straightforward by saying "I'm sorry you're not qualified" rather than telling people "We will get back to you"
600years from that time, it's unlikely they will get back to you.
save us the stress dickheads!10 -
Rant rant = new Rant
rant.isRant = false // !!!
I woke up this morning after not thinking about my code for a day, and realized i had a flaw in my validation design. I fixed it before opening my eyes.
It's kind of amazing how not thinking about a problem can help solve it. Even if you don't know it's there!6 -
I really like JS, but sometimes it's just incredibly stupid.
NaN stands for Not-A-Number
typeof NaN
> 'number'
why are you doing this to me8 -
Project manager, a few months ago: "why did you do this task? It's all wrong. It's a backend task, not a frontend task so you shouldn't have done it. Don't do it again."
PM, today, regarding the same task in a different project: "why didn't you do this task? The project isn't complete without it. It isn't right. You should have done it."
Are you fucking serious? If we do it it's wrong, if we don't do it it's wrong too. So why should I bother? Seriously, fuck you you piece of shit.2 -
Made a website respecting ALL OF THE THINGS my client wanted to have.
Client sees result :
- "I don't like it, it's not a good idea."
- "But that's what you wanted me to do."
- "Yes, but you're the programmer, you should have known it wouldn't be good."
I had told him it's not a good idea a week ago. Fml.6 -
College be like
"Today you are going to build an ARM processor, questions ?"
"Yeah, how do we do ?"
"It's not my business" -
(I know Linux is not included)
Which one do you like most?
(and yes, it's far from perfect, just a little CSS sketch for the fun)
25 -
This whole Linux vs Windows thing is just getting tiring. It's like sleeping with men vs women. You can choose men, you can choose women, or you can choose both. It's a choice you should be making, not someone else.11
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Dad: “Hey son.. I have this new software called blablablu.."
Me: "yeah?.."
Dad: "well it's not working.. there's an error and it's not doing what I want.."
Me: "okay.. I don't know.. sorry.. I don't know that software.. I can't help you.."
Dad: "you're studying computer science... you should know what to do.."
You ****ing serious?! -.-14 -
It's not motivation that you need, it's dedication.
You see, motivation is temporary thing, that sudden flow of dopamine running through your body that you get after some success or after being admired by someone or simply after good sleep and nice morning shower.
But the problem with motivation is that it's just temporary thing. After a while (hours, days, if you're lucky weeks) it just wears off and you're left pretty much where you started.
But there's one thing that remains and that's persistent. It's called DEDICATION. If you dedicate yourself to something, you are willing to do it no matter what it takes from you. Even if it frustrates you along the way or makes you angry, you wanna be able to say "It's finished. I'm satisfied with it" after you finish it. You are willing to crawl to the finishing line but no matter the obstacle, just knowing that you're getting closer to the finishing line is gonna motivate you. Your dedication is gonna become motivation generator. And that's the key. You need the passion and dedicate yourself to it.
But hey, sound simple but we all know the struggle. Sometimes it's even hard to recognize dedication from motivation. And sometimes you just go "Ok. Fuck it. I'm done" and leave it and that's okay AS LONG AS you get back to it after a while. As long as the inner you, the dedicated you that got you here in the first place, goes "Dude, it's tough. But it's alright, we refreshed a bit and now we're gonna fucking make it" (nope, I don't have schizophrenia) and you listen and get back at it.
Dedication is tough. It's about self control and understanding yourself deeply and balancing your mind. It's nirvana of success. It's the ultimate balance. But you can get there. If you want. Badly.
TL;DR You need dedication, not motivation. Punish yourself and reward yourself. Not too harsh and not too much. Just so that you don't lose track.
But most of all, GOOD LUCK YOU AMAZING FUCKS!5 -
Oh yeah, that's an awesome 404 page, what do you guys say?
P.S. - Page is not developed by me, it's MailChimp
2 -
I hate the feeling of not being able to get shit working and it's time to sleep but you don't want to sleep until it's fixed4
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Me : I'm a software developer.
Neighbor : Hey could you fix my PC it's not starting.
Me : *goes*
*Finds monitor cable disconnected*
*Facepalm level==69*9 -
Windows: "You put in a USB I can't read property cuz it's not NTFS/FAT, want me to delete everything??!"1
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Before you rant, make sure it's not a repost.
Q: How do you know if it's a repost?
A: If it's a meme on the internet, so very probably that it's already posted here.. so don't8 -
Team leader: hey why this bug is taking too much time? You could fix it hours ago let me try to fix it. I really fuckin hate juniors ...
*Hours later*
Me: could you fix it ?
Team leader: ....
*Couple of years later*
Me: ah i see it's not an easy but could you find any solution bro?
Team leader: no it's not a straight forward bug. You are right am sorry i shouldn't prejudge5 -
it's not a happy new year when you realize:
You are becoming old
Another JavaScript frameworks is out and employers want 5 years experience in that.
You have to return to work from holiday in 2-3 days2 -
"Hey would you like to subscribe to this hammer? It's only $10 a month whether you use it or not." -Jetbrains
Subscriptions for tools and IDE's is bullshit.16 -
When you discover #C0FFEE is not a drink but a color.
(Sadly it's not brown but a strange light green)3 -
Do you guys know the feeling you get, when you have to explain your work to a non programmer? An example could be your boss.
It's not always that easy.3 -
Hey junior... when I'm asking a question it's not the answer I'm looking for.... It's your thought process! Just tell me the things you will not do and we can take it from there!4
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Boss: We are going live tomorrow, are you ready?
Me: (Goosebumps and dry mouth) Sorry can you repeat that
Boss: Oh sorry not you, it's Sam whose app going live tomorrow
Me: (Inner me) Motherfucker. You dry dick piece of shit1 -
That glorious moment when you remove a function from your Javascript.
is_internet_explorer()
It's one job was to detect and prompt a user about not using IE on this shit for a stain website - ironically built for IE 😂
You sir, will not be missed 🥳12 -
Is it just me or does this shirt make no sense? If your coffee was empty, then it would return true and you would keep coding. If it was not empty you would fill it.
Plus it's not a while loop, so unless this is some sort of recursion you wouldn't keep going....
4 -
When I get to someone's laptop and it looks like this... Does this not irritate you while you are working? it's nasty
11 -
If it's worth building, it's worth testing. If it's not worth testing, why are you even wasting your time building it?1
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It's a satisfying moment when you actually get work done on a personal project. It's comforting knowing I am capable of not being a lazy shit all the time. Gotta keep this up.1
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PO: "I'll email you the details."
Me: Sure, I'll start with what I have right now.
I start coding, 7 hours later I got something working, not sure if it's what he wants.
Still no email.
I might have a followup rant tomorrow when he tells me it's not what he wanted at all.3 -
When you ask the IT-Department of a company collab with Microsoft, why you aren't allowed to use Firefox instead of IE.
The answer is: "It's insecure because it's open source"
YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME INSECURE ??? IT IS MORE SECURE AS IE!!! INSECURE BECAUSE OPEN SOURCE? THAN LET'S USE CHROME OR OPERA INSTEAD BUT NOT IE2 -
(maybe) unpopular opinion
I hate the I'm at 127.0.0.1|localhost meme
It's a loopback address
It's like saying I live at home
Like why do people think it's funny or smart to post stuff like that
Even the doormat that was going around isn't necessary accurate, since it's per machine (in this case a human).
Like if you have the home saying it's localhost then you are obviously not.
Maybe I'm just being mean here but it's like really annoying after a while4 -
It's not a bug if a feature is working how you told me it should work but not how you wanted it to work.6
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The feeling when you type "ls" in Windows CMD and wait for output. But it's say, "ls is not recognized as internal or external command".14
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Dont get attached to your code at work! Coz it's not your code, you got paid for writing that code and that's it.5
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Me: "ok for the following changes you must pay the following charge because it's not in the scope"
Customer: "bUt tHiS Is Not whAt I wanT, wOnT pAY thE ResT iF yoU arE nOt DoiN It blablabla"
Marketing: "please do it for him"
Fuck me.1 -
Dear fuckface,
Fuck you and your Electron gobbling up RAM like it's free food at a all-you-can-eat buffet. It's not. Please take your Electron and fuck the fuck off from my computer.
Sincerely, with a double middle finger and double middle toes,
PTH6 -
Proud Windows fanboy - If something is "Not responding", try "Task manager". Then everything is cool
But you see, it's actually "Task manager" that is "Not responding"3 -
After 2 years of applying for jobs and not getting any, I'm beyond tired of hearing employers complain to me and ask: "You have a Bachelors degree in Computer Science, you should be able to find a job without breaking a sweat".
Excuse me? In what world do you live in? Are you not aware that we have been living in an academically oversaturated market for more than two decades now? Nowadays you need a degree, plus a heavy portfolio plus crazy interest in the field (to an obsessive degree) because the competition is fierce.
It's not my fault I don't get jobs. It's always some "no fit", "not enough experience" bullshit.
Sigh.. seriously.36 -
Here's a real tip for people new to the industry.
It's one of those things that's been said over and over again but very few can really seem to employ. I suggest you learn it /well/.
You are not your code. Criticisms of your code, ideas, or your thought processes, is not a criticism of YOU. You absolutely cannot take criticisms of your work personally.
We are engineers. We strive to seek the best solution at all times.
If someone has found a problem with your code or with an idea or whatnot, it is coming from a place of "this is not the best solution", NOT "you're an idiot".
It's coming from a place of "I'm closing this PR because it is not a change I feel suits this project", NOT "I'm closing this PR because it's coming from a woman".
It's coming from a place of "This feature request is ridiculous/this bug is not actually a bug", NOT "you're a fucking idiot, fuck you".
It's coming from a place of "I've already had to address this in a number of issues before and it's eaten up a considerable amount of my time already", NOT "I don't even know you and this I don't have time for a nobody".
You do not get to be bitchy to maintainers because they denied your request. It's not a reflection of you at all. But if you're arguing with someone who has maintained a piece of code for almost a decade, and they're telling you something authoritative, believe them. They're probably smarter than you on this subject. They've probably thought about it more. They've probably seen their code used in many different places. They have more experience than you with that codebase in almost all cases.
Believe me, if we cared about who was behind all of the issues, pull requests, etc. we get, we'd get NOTHING done. Stop taking shit personally. It's a skill, not a defense mechanism. Nobody has the time to sugar coat every little thing.
Let's normalize directness and stop wasting time during technical discussions into opportunities for ego-stroking and circle-jerking and back-patting.8 -
Colleague: Hey! This is not finished!
Me: Did you pull from the repo?
Colleague:
Me:
Colleague: Oh look, it's finished.1 -
No you stupid website, I will not disable my ad blocker for you. I am just going to leave to another website. It's not like I can go to the next search result.1
-
"Unable to capture the screen
This application or your company does not allow you to take screenshots."
I think it's time for root...
21 -
Customer: can you fix my flashdrive? I think it's corrupted or something.
Me: sure no problem
*plugs in flashdrive in pc*
*tried to format*
*Disk is write protected*
Me: ... not you again.9 -
!dev
What can you say for certain about your argument when you bring it to a discussion and you pretty much lose but it still stands?
.
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.
.
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It's not sitting down.
I'll leave now......4 -
!rant
How many of you guys have played Uplink? IMO it's a game every dev should try. While it's not exactly realistic, especially today, it shows actually how powerful a hacker can be. And YOU are that hacker.5 -
"Dude, you HAVE to check out this meme i saw...
On DevRant...
No; of course it's not in the joke/meme category!"1 -
I'm beginning to think that it's not important to know how to code anymore, but how good you are at handling management.5
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Stop chatting about your hacking exploits on a train. Especially when you did that 20 years ago. More importantly it's not hacking when you found that password on a Post-It note.7
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When you find a bug in a "min" js file and you don't have the not minified version anymore... ok, it's not a bug it's a feature.
6 -
You know you need sleep when you wave your hand under a paper towel dispenser and it's not automatic.1
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Don't you just love it when the lead developer/project manager comes in and totally revamps your code even though it does the same exact thing as it was written before? And then when it's not working he blames you because it's in GIT as your commit...2
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Can you guess where the form fields are?
It's the grey area.
Not, not that one, the other grey area.
2 -
A 12-week coding Bootcamp won't turn you into a full stack web developer.
It's like a diet it takes time, it's not over in a few weeks even if you start intensive and really commit to it.4 -
when you find a tool or library that does exactly what you need, but it's not documented at all
or worse, when it's "cross-platform" but all the build/install steps are made assuming you're using a Mac
"brew install my-shiny-metal-ass"3 -
when in doubt,
write everything manually,
because even if a package exists,
it's so old and outdated,
it's not even worth fixing all the errors,
so you may as well,
grow your own APIs
it'll be faster!3 -
It's amazing how bold some services are, not only do you pay for their service, e.g. amazon prime, but you also watch fucking ads before you get to watch what you pay for12
-
Every time you use an unnecessary !important in css code, God kills a cat :(
Please don't use !important if it's not necessary.5 -
Friend1 (being lewd): I'll merge you in to my git repository
Me: When you try to merge but she has her special days of the month it's called a merge conflict
Friend2: It's not a merge without a little blood1 -
When all you hear are mouse clicks and not keyboard presses from your colleagues, you know it's going to be a slow day. Which means, time to work on personal projects :P2
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someone: so what do you do?
me: I'm a software developer
someone: oh, can you design me a logo?
me: no
someone: something simple, I'm sure...
me: NO, IT'S NOT MY F***ING JOB6 -
Even with something as simple as pagination, it's possible to create a complete accessibility abomination. Dear designer, you've perfected your flat design style.
Fuck you! I'm not coding this.
It's a website about selling solar panels, underfloor heating etc... Not a single piece of design reminds it.
7 -
Boss: "how is the project going? When will you be finished? It's not that much to do right?"
Me - I'm stuck in my spaghetti. Not even started to implement things - fuck
3 -
Yeah ! 100++'s
It's not a big milestone but ... Well it's something xD
Thank you all for this amazing community !7 -
My nightmares are made of CORS errors.
Fuck inconsistent CORS implementations across browsers.
Everyone who is about to say "Once you understand CORS it's not a problem anymore".
FUCK YOU TOO!!!!!!!8 -
When it's beautiful summer weather outside, but you can't work outdoors because your laptop-screen is not coated, hence you can't see shit1
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That awkward moment when you convert JS functionality into pure HTML CSS just to find out it's not working on IE.1
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We've got this legacy PHP system that doesn't really run anywhere else than on it's server. It's not configured with git, and there's no pipeline. Just plain old SSH. How would you go about managing it?11
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Just a little poll for you guys :)
Do you comment your code during the development or when it's done?
Do you keep track of the documentation during the development or after?
Do you use Git only for source control or also to work from multiple places and keep the code up to date?
Do you sh*tcode on purpose (or don't make any effort to clean it) when it's not for yourself, or not for something you value much?
If you have any other strange habit, feel free to mention it :)16 -
No fuck you you are not going to post your shitty generic products with 20mb photos that we host! Fuck off. No it's not "blurry" you fuck wit it's a normal picture in this industry .3
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person: do you know any sites that can help with blah blah blah
me: yea one sec
me: here ya go https://blahblah.blah
person: is this a virus ?
me: no it's a site that will help you with blah
person: i'm not gonna click on that because i don't wanna get a virus.
me: but it's not a virus you can't get a virus just by clicking a link you would actually have to download something and execute it.
person: oh okay but i still don't trust it
me: uhhh okay
person : so are you gonna help me or what ?
me : ..................*scream internally*
person: okay fine your not gonna help me8 -
Whenever you can't connect to a wifi using wpa_cli know that it's WPA supplicant and not WPA supplican.
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Got asked: Could you add more columns to this Word document?
Me: *Checks* *Sees it's all tabbed, not a table* Um. No. -
"Hey Bobby, can you do XYZ for me? I can do it myself but it's such a pain in the ass"
So why the fuck would I do it if you can do it yourself? Guess what it's a pain in the ass for me too! And it's not even my problem!2 -
Fuck you Edge!
I can name a var "screen", what is wrong with you? I don't care you have an Object named Screen, they are not the same and I rather use my own, thank you. It's not like I'm "let var=" on you, you piece of shit!4 -
How my day went.
Project Manager: We need deliverable X.
Me: That's not listed.
PM: But we need it. Other PM says what you provided isn't enough.
Me: Too bad. I was not told to deliver it.
PM2: We need deliverable X.
Me: Look at the requirements. It is not there. I'm not providing it.
PM2: We need it. Let me ask PM3.
PM3: We need deliverable X.
Me: No. It's not listed. And here's why it's not even applicable.
PM3: Oh....ok5 -
just need to say this: It's GNU/Linux folks. I know, I know, it's not as easy to say when you want to talk about it, but every once in a while give the damn GNU a little credit. Without it we might not have Linux as we know it, so show some love from time to time, it's not that hard to say GNU/Linux.12
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Lua is one of the stupidest languages to ever exist.
Oh, the language is easy to learn? The syntax is friendly? There's only like negative 10 functions you ever need to know? Everything is a table?
EVERYTHING IS A TABLE?! WTF CARES? WHAT ABOUT NIL?!
The arrogance this language has is extraordinary, literally. No lang, except Lua, imposes such an opinionated dichotomy. Everything is a fucking table, or, it's nil. -- That's so fucking stupid.
And look, I get it, this lang (oh sorry, scripting language (?)) CAN be good and fun and whatever... the moment you start to do IO is the literal end of days.
Everything is nil. Except, if it's defined... then it's not nil. -- OK. That sounds sensible/reasonable enough. -- What if it's not defined? You get nil. What if it's not the right data? You get nil. Do I get errors/exceptions or whatever? No, absolutely not, you get nil... unless the application you're using with Lua with has a lib that handles that.
There are so many more issues I have with this lang, but honestly... Am I fucking missing something? Is this lang like actually super dooper awesome and I'm missing something? -- I can't not look at this language as just dumb and arrogant. -- It's literally a language where you have to manage and remember ALL conceivable state at ALL times.11 -
When you hack up some spaghetti code which works right off the bat and you don't even know why but you take it for granted anyways. Week later someone tells you that it's not working anymore and you have to find out why.3
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My dad: I don't know why you like programming... you write lines of meaningless things, there is no logic behind.
Me: ...Actually, it's not true... ehm... it doesn't matter... (in my mind: you would not understand)1 -
You never know pain untill your website redirect is working on edge and not chrome... Yet it's all google hosted...
*Eye twitches* -
You ever realize how small a newborn is? It's amazing how tiny humans can be. They're not even a full breakfast.16
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Everyone leaving early on Wednesday and you realize that it's not weekend but just No overtime working day.
#welcome #to #japan
Weekend still 2 days away.2 -
When the user complains that our web tool is corrupting and losing data when converting results into excel while he is the one putting more that 40,000 characters into one text box which is way more than what Excel's cell can handle1
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Designers, if you're on revision No. 12 and have changed every element of a design it's not a 'tweak', it's a sign you didn't think it through the first time...2
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Professionaly travelling the world sucks ass. It's loosing day and days on airports, railway stations, driving.... Then, completely exhausted, you must do your high-end job on command for a customer who already hates you from the moment you came in, because he knows your hourly rate.They do not realize it's the companies rate, not my wage. And when it's finished and running, it's considered normal...no need for a "thank you". Getting really tired of this shit :/1
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Just tell me if the API is ready or not. I can understand if it's not. I just don't like being left out and when the boss asks for an update, I'll get burned for not starting anything yet, all because you guys aren't ready
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why is everyone hating on python lately?
I know it's not perfect, and it takes care of a lot of shit for you. and it's slow, and doesn't have a decent compiler, and PEP 8 encroaches on everything good in the world, and mandatory whitespace, etc.
yea. it's got some issues. but it's still a good language imo. and it's easy to write, it's fun to write, it looks nice (not Ruby level nice but ehh). not worthy of all the "fuck python!" talk.21 -
This is the real times. This is not that it's happening right now, this is pretty regular. Lesson? Rethink before you decide the variable type
3 -
You can't keep doing this! You can't keep doing shitty things and then feel bad about yourself like that makes it okay! You need to be better!'
...
You are all the things that are wrong with you. It's not the alcohol or the drugs or any of the shitty things that happened to you in your career or when you were a kid, it's you! Alright? It's you. ...Fuck, man. What else is there to say?' -
When you are in the zone coding and you get a call at work "asking if your busy?" :/ then being told it's not important it can wait.... So you hang up and cannot remember wtf you were in the middle of.3
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Scenario A:
Your code is working. You run again, now it's not working.
Scenario B:
Works on production. Next day it doesn't.
It is nothing you just experienced alternate universe. You probably with your manager temporarily jumped into another timeline where your code is not working.
Next time it happens tell your manager it's not your fault.
Eureka!6 -
It's been broken in production for two weeks, and you want to tell me it's "drop everything urgent" now? Is it important? Yes. Is it urgent? No.
Also, how the fuck did you not know this was broken for two weeks, and what the hell do you want me to do about it now? It's your codebase, it passed all the tests in staging AFTER I made my changes to the infrastructure.1 -
So.. name one fucken case where your database is not a computer backed thing.
Just asking because.. why the fuck? I don't think your database server supports input of fucking math symbols? JUST USE HUMAN LANGUAGE, AS YOU HAVE TO DO ANYWAY!
It's stupid how everything needs to be expressed mathematically ffs. Not that it's hard to understand - it's just more complex than of a very simple wording.
5 -
When you decide it's not worth of your time to go through lengthy code documentation and just run that stackoverflow snippet straight on production.. 🤠
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Just got rejected for BS reasons after handing in an assignment. Just tell me you found someone better, it's not a crime.14
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When you bring your workspace to bed, she knows it's not her night tonight;
And you know tomorrow is gonna be a total stormy day because the forecast is real. -
Recruiter:"so I just got off the phone with company X, and they will most likely make you an offer tomorrow, but it's not 100% guaranteed, but I thought I'd let you know"3
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- Did you know Google is who manages Android.
- It's a simple fact.
- so you know Visual Studio is not designed for Android? Then why it's easier to build a hello world app in visual studio but Android studio which Google build it?
- O_o22 -
You know something is wrong when you feel like smashing everything while yelling:
"WHY DOES IT F*#@$*#@$ WORK. IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO WORK. WHY." -
KDE+i3=<3
It's not the best but it's mine.
Distro: KDE Neon.
What do you guys use?
P.S.
For those who are curious.
https://github.com/avronr/dotfiles
23 -
Is It correct to stop any development job because the client stopped paying? What are pros and cons about it? I think it is good, you won't work for free but I've heard some people say "It's better someone owes you money rather to have no job". I really don't like that point of view. Any other industry stop it's activities when you stop paying them... However I'm asking this because what happens if that client is a big client? Say... Walmart. Would you keep working on it's project even when it's not paying?11
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That moment when you're about to push to release but then you remember that it's not even functional yet.1
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"New facebook dating service! It's absolutely free! Just sign this user agreement and durable power of attorney. We promise we won't rape you with it later. "
It's a joke now, but probably not for much longer. -
Right now. It's happening. I'm sitting on one of those seemingly impossible issues. I'm reading the exception and can't fathom how it can be true. I mean, the evidence is right there! The error message must be wrong! But that's the thing, it never is. It's always something stupid and obvious. After you figure it out, you shake your head and laugh at yourself for not seeing it. It's all shits and giggles after you figure it out, but that's not where I'm at right now. Right now I'm being laughed at by this stack trace. It's mocking me even!
Jokes on you though, because I'm coming for you!!2 -
Do you think it's wrong when I use a cracked version of a not free software because I genuinely cannot afford to pay, I am not using it to make money either14
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When you reply to an issue, and either:
a) no one replies, then you get asked about it days or weeks later
b) they completely ignore it and ask why it's not done -
One good thing about working at a shitty place is you end up knowing what not to do by just pure pain.
I once consulted for a company who had the latest tech - kubernetes, bit bucket, you name it. But it didn't matter. The code was shit. It's not about the tech, it's always about the people that use the tech.5 -
You know what the best invention is for devs?
It's not JS, not C++, no IDEs, not VIM, not VSCode, not Linux, not Apple, not a computer (🤔).
It's coffee :) hmmmm....2 -
Use that Tab button. It's there for a reason. If you are too lazy to use it then use an IDE that formats the code.
Also learn to comment your code wherever needed and in English. If you don't know where it's needed, Google is your friend if not your senior. -
What is it about robot collected data that makes researchers so anal? Like, dude, it's not even personal data. It's literally robot's joint motor recordings. It's not nuclear data, so why the fuck do you protect it like your life and your country depend on it?
I hope you get fisted by that data every night and how it will end up in oblivion sooner because you didn't publish it. You asshole.8 -
Oh, ho, ho
It's Friday you know
Never believe, it's not so
It's Friday, you know
Never believe, it's not so
Have to stay awake
Can't wait to see tomorrow's day break
Leaning on my pillow in the morning
Lazy day in bed
Music in my head
Crazy music playing in the morning light
https://genius.com/Pilot-band-oh-ho...
On the other hand gotta prep for some interviews next week.... Oh and have dentist this weekend 😚😱😨😰😵 -
When your Alma Mater wishes you on your birthday.
My name is not Ajay Reddy and it's not my birthday
4 -
The only thing we can do is make a joke about the other bots that are not always in their own mind or if it's just an issue for them and then the other one ☝️ and then you don't get them in your mail to the right place for a long list of all that people you know you are not so far out and it's a joke that is why you haven't even paid for it and it's a lot easier for them but it's just like 👍 is not just the way of things like 👍 is the one ☝️ you don't have it on it but you can't even get the word for that one ☝️ or something that's what it looks it up 🆙 is it a lot better then it's not the one ☝️ thing that you don't have it on it or so you know it looks bad it's a joke it's a bad joke and you can't find a way you don't have a lot to me but I don't know 🤷♂️ or you want me to be like 👍 but you do not have any more than me I don't know 🤷♂️ but that's what I'm talking you know that I'm going through the whole time I'm going through the wrong 😑 thing I've been to you to see if this one ☝️ or I just want you to do something like 👍12
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So when are all of you going to admit that React.js is useless? It's awful and miserable and doesn't do anything it promises to.
It's not faster to write code, it's not cleaner, it's not easier, it's just a ton of boilerplate and it can't even handle simple animations.
If Facebook didn't create it, everyone would think it's ridiculous and stupid.. Because it is.
Stop trying to be cool and just fucking deliver fucking business value.56 -
0) Because it's kind of Magic.
1) Love solving complex/small problem using this magic.
2) It's frustrating as well as exciting when magic is not working.
So yea it's kinda magical and doesn't matter which language you do magic in. -
Super selfish and targeted question:
Favourite singular VSCode extension?
Not the ones everyone has / are very common, something you have that most might not, be it because it's functionality is not very useful, because it's not very known, etc...3 -
You know how they start calling you when you register a new domain and are not careful enough not to put your own phone number there?
I recently registered a domain that ends in ***shit.com
No calls :) It's like private registration LoL5 -
Customer service my ass. I wouldn't even call it service. All you could do is check if it's working now. Of course it's working... I've just told you it's fucking working 2 minutes then inaccessible for fucking 10.
And when I tell you that your service had began to loose quality in the past few months you just sit there in FUCKING SILENCE. MOTHERFUCKER JUST TELL ME THAT YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT... OR SORRY... OR GO FUCK YOURSELF, NOT MY JOB... I DON'T FUCKING CARE JUST DON'T SIT THERE IN SILENCE UNTIL I HAVE ENOUGH AND HANG UP... I WASN'T EVEN SHOUTED TO HIM. I was disappointed but not angry... Not until you decided to just ignore me, fucktard...
Needless to say just when I hung up it stopped working again. -.-4 -
Being a freelancer is not only coding. Mostly (for me at least) it's mailing until you mail your client: "I'm done for today."
FUCK!!!2 -
Stupid people who lack common sense and yet present themselves as inteligent species give me a MOTHERFCUKING HEADACHE.
People, fucking use your brains where you should and not where it's not needed.10 -
Hi devRanters, hi you all.
I really appreciate all of you that are patiently reading, humorously or not so humorously commenting and wise or not wise giving advice to my semi-serious rants.
It's a great stress relief for me in this moment to know somebody it's out there listening to my stupid problems.
And probably will also improve the life of people around me.2 -
This is not an ad!
But if anyone is in a need for a decent java profiler - here's yourkit's festive deal: https://www.yourkit.com/purchase/ (Personal)
You can legally use this licence for both personal and commercial needs. It's non-expiring. You can have up to 3 profiler copies simultaneously (deactivate one to activate another if all 3 slots are used)
I just thought some of you might find this useful. Since I'm a performance engineer I grabbed this deal as if it was the last one in the shelf :) The tool is good, the price is decent and it's for lifetime.
Again, it's not an ad. I don't care if you purchase it or not. I just thought I've come across smth nice and felt like sharing.2 -
"It's not easy being a dictator. You have to constantly monitor your citizens, oppress dissent, and make sure your hair looks perfect." - tropico 63
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Found out today during testing that a page made it to the server when it wasn't supposed to exist... Angry soapbox dev sent out a blast email... No you cock, it's not supposed to look like that because it's not supposed to fucking exist. 😒
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I'm sorry to say this but if you keep changing your naming "convention" every freakin day it's not a convention
2 -
When the boss can't even use an email client but insists on telling you that the email provider is 100% integrated into the production application and short story you know it's not. 😑
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It's not a new year unless you spend your first day back firefighting shit that broke over the holidays 🙃
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If you take a crappy website... and then you draw out a few screens of that visual design... and change some colors and borders... (and it not even a real interface) (just a screenshot of a photoshop document) (and it doesn't work) (and it's basically the same shitty interface) (and it's not real) (and you never tested it with users)
...and you are feeling like you have imposter syndrome, it's because you aren't a UX designer. You need help. You are deeply delusional.
We can help you - but you have to be really honest with yourself...
You're going to have to do some real work, read some books, and accept that *praise* - is not the goal.9 -
It's not everyday you see a pink unicorn coding and getting frustrated in a coffee shop...FYI that pink unicorn was me.
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I know it's not our nature, but go outside and enjoy the beautiful day today! (as long as its nice where you are).
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Thought I'd share this gem with you. Overwriting a value by itself. Why would you even do this? It's not a single occurrence, but happens 3 times even in the same class.
3 -
dev: ugh we need to set and implement coding standards
same dev: no I don't need to follow what you just said, it's already clean and readable (it's not) -
Getting so comfortable in a language/framework that you do everything with it. Even if you have to shoehorn the hell out of it for a purpose it's not made for.4
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Procrastination is not a bad thing as opposed to how society describes it. It's where ideas and new strategies are invented. Of course if you procrastinate all day then it may be an issue of not getting things done, but fighting it all the time does not help.
The mind is trying to tell you something, let it flow.6 -
When you expect that your rant is lit and wait for the notifications but it's not and there's none. L0L5
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Don't be a dev if it's just not for you.
It's not for everyone, and you should figure this out at the very early stages of your education. The ones it's not for that still persist will hate their life. And leave their job. And leave unfinished, crappy code behind for the rest of us to clean up.3 -
The Missing Button Paradox: The time it takes for a presenter to find a button on their screen increases based on the amount of participants who can see the button and try to help the presenter find it.1
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You know what's worse than reading someone else's code? Reading someone else's code with comments that make absolutely no sense!
It's like deciphering hieroglyphics. If you're going to comment, at least give me a hint, not a riddle.
It's not a treasure hunt; it's coding!2 -
Does it bother you when a co-worker keeps talking on phone all day long and it's not work related? It bothers me.5
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Taking mandatory corporate compliance training that says what things I am not allowed to do...
BUT it's actually quite interesting because I never knew you could do these and well it's starting to give me ideas.... -
You might not think that programmers are artists, but programming is an extremely creative profession. It's logic-based creativity.”2
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Came across a player called Root in Overwatch today, would that be you, @Root, by any chance? It's not exactly a common name.6
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When your co-worker is told to implement something, and insisted it is the wrong way to go:
It's how you train a puppy David. He poops, you rub his face in it, then toss him outside. I'm afraid you're the puppy. However .. It's not your poop 😳 -
VP last week: No you can't have that equipment that fakes out the gps. It's very expensive and not in the budget. Just run valgrind and push your code so we can deploy it.
VP in today's all hands: Guys, if you need test equipment, come ask for it and we'll get you what you need. Not having equipment is not a valid excuse for skipping integration testing.2 -
Hey you just reminded me it's my Mom's birthday too! Happy birthday devRant (and Mom, but my Mom is not on devRant, that I know of, yet)!
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I have some really satisfying bug fixes in one particular project but it's under NDA.
So I'm not allowed to tell you guys any of them :(1 -
What a bunch of Maroons! They come out at 4PM on Friday with a QA migration scheduled for Saturday; can we please pick up our tasks. Really? It's not even production, it's QA. Can't you wait until Monday like everyone else? Morons.
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people who write code like this actually give me heart palpitations. No it is not cleaner, you literally broke the block, it's disgusting.
if(statement)
{
doSomething();
}8 -
When you 3D touch too hard wondering why it's not working. Now iPhone screen is cracked. Oh my bundle id was a typo? Fuck me!
-
What's the most inane excuse you heard for either a developer or management to not write tests?
I have endured these:
Management:
1) The project is fire and forget. It won't need tests.
2) It's a prototype. It won't go live.
3) Writing tests takes longer than without writing tests. You know how to code, don't you?
Developer:
1) I didn't have the time.
2) It was such a trivial method.
3) It's not mockable.5 -
Wish everyone could understand that it's not learning the programming language or the 'best practices' that makes you good it's understanding how things work together and how to mix them to create new things that do what you want is the real engineering2
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Whenever you change your Instagram username it becomes unavailable completely even tho it's not taken. Not possible to get it back after changing.
Not sure if this a bug or a feature that they intended to have in their app...8 -
Dear Atom,
I'm sorry, but it's time. I know that we had many great times together, but I will be switching to Visual Studio soon. It's not your fault, you can blame Microsoft if you want. It's just that Visual Studio will have better git integration. And the fact that you will probably be cancelled. I hope you the best. Make the best out of the little time you still have.
Sincerely,
TomW1 -
When you think you suck something it's NOT your fault - learn how it's done in a different language or framework, then come back to it.
When you think you mastered something, it IS your fault - learn how it's done in a different language or framework, then come back to it. -
It's raging when you have a great idea but you're not in the good environment (like not having a desk) to code it...
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Hashtag my_favorite_student.
Same person. No long story today.
–You know it's so frustrating when you can't find an assignment on your usb stick but you know it's there.
I took a look. It's not in any of three empty folders.
–But I know it's there, okay, I guess I'll just ask another tutor to find it tomorrow. -
Youtube: Here's a new dark mode! Oh and it's not complete so we're reverting to GLARING white and old UI when you upload stuff.
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Things are trivial before one starts implementation
Hi senior, now you know it's not trivial as you reimplement my code and break things, right? -
There's an app saying you which Berlin subway doors you have to use to get faster to your goal. It's really the small ideas that change everything.... (no advert, it's not my app) https://play.google.com/store/apps/...2
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The short giggling you have with a colleague when you want to visit analytics.google.com and you start typing and hit enter after the first 4 characters, because you are convinced it's in your browser history, but apparently it's not and instead of going to analytics, it's going to search for that first 4 characters 😂2
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How do you like https://jappe999.github.io/NewTab ?
The content is easily edited.
Set this up yesterday though, so it's not the best.4 -
Currently writing a long-ass new issue to the Docker/CLI repository, to tell them that their online documentation for the manifests is absolute garbage. I mean, a documentation is supposed to tell you how to run commands, not something like "Yeah you try it and maybe it'll work. No it's not the good format, you dumb fuck. Nice, bro, but if you check what changed... That's right, nothing changed. At all. For no reason. Keep trying, it's fun!"
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It's been a few months I became a freelancer, the cool thing is I still have no sleep but this time it's not for deadlines! ... XD
It's for ...
You complete the rant !2 -
It's really painful to go through a codebase when the other guy doesn't comment anything. It's a new project, you have the opportunity to make it not a nightmare to work with, and yet you choose to not document shit. I've been documenting stuff as I go along at least. Feels like I should have some linter forcing comments on methods at least.
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just a little pool here, do you, yes, you, do you think an inexperienced intern should take an epic story?
(not that there we work with agile, that would be great, but it's a task equivalent to an epic.)2 -
Boss!!!
Boss isn't a person.
It's not a name.
It's a feeling.
It's an emotion.
It's something that you are afraid of even in ur dreams.
It's something that pushes you, shouts at you, criticises you, shouts at you again, but at the end he gives you appreciation, money and fame(sometimes).
No matter how shitty the pay is, it is something. Better than nothing.
If you don't like it, go to another boss.
or better
BE YOUR OWN BOSS.2 -
it's a bit annoying when you, as a consumer, have to rev-engineer the temporal coupling among dozens of rest methods.
It's not fun. NOT fun at all2 -
What's wrong with interviewers who never call or send an email?
It's not like it was a bad date you want to get out of. It's a fucking interview!!3 -
Let me just warn people that if you quit your job but they offer you to come back with a significant salary increase it's probably not the right answer.5
-
Goddamn, Windows' idea of symlinks is completely broken. It's like they faked it at the UI level, but if your build process wants to copy the file? Too bad, it's not real so you can't copy it.1
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Have to learn the Matlab language for school. It's proprietary, you have to pay for it, and arrays are not even 0 indexed!3
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Do you think tracking work hours by ticket makes sense?
I think it's a waste of dev time. Not sure from PM pov.6 -
As if I fucking care if you have to add another parameter to my function call. Just because you think it's easier, does not mean its more usefull.
It's inconsistent as F U C K
You code IS spaghetti code. Your logic is closer a maze on a fucking one way street and I don't fucking care if it works. It's a pain1 -
I'm not trying to say that PHP is not consistent, but it's the only language where you can use two styles of typage in a function definition:
function myFunc(ArgType $arg) : ReturnType
{
//...
return new ReturnType($arg);
}
You must decide, PHP... Not use both... -
Has it ever happened to you that you do not want to program any more?
It is frustrating... Sometimes I would like to start an idea but then .. nothing, stopped.
How do you solve this kind of situation?
It's not only about work, but I mean also in the freetime where you Can develop your idea or your expirement5 -
Main( ) is like a boss. it does not care what you do. it's just going to tell you to do it and wait for you to return with your results.
8) 8)2 -
You build a DaFuqRepository and a DaFuqService, to use the service functionality you need to call the repo first....you do not admit it's a fuckup but makes everything more reusable...dafuq...1
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I'm having a bad time using this Gnome. How could you say this is better than Unity? I think it's not.12
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You stupid tester first add you freaking requirements and not just put back stories on todo and say it's not finished. You are just testing how an web app works. We can also automate that process you know!!!!
-
Ahh that moment - When you get past month one of a project you're working on and it's clear it's not going anywhere.
-
I feel like an imposter because ...
I forgot that in Ruby, it's "elsif" and not "else if" today. How about you?2 -
Do you guys have a duck store nearby, or it's specific to Amsterdam?
It's not for advertisement, I just found it funny.
https://www.amsterdamduckstore.com/5 -
Learned Angular2+, I'm used to eclipse, I should probably install some Angular extension... Found a great extension in the marketplace, installed it... Found out it's not free and it's expensive as hell, and the best part, you have to keep buying it every year!
Why can't I just pay that shit once? It's not a service, it's a fucking product! I don't mind paying for some new features, but why the fuck should I pay for the same software over and over?3 -
if you somehow/accidentally make mobile youtube play on the background on a free account, then that's not a "that's not a bug, it's a feature" but a "that's not a feature, it's a bug"1
-
@ Frontend devs:
Did you see Moon.js framework?
It's a very sad framework although i am not sure why it feels so Angular-ish vue.
But at least they are trying
What do you think5 -
If you don't react to this post
You may not be as Swift as I thought
But flutter wherever you like
It's not like I don't c where's that would be
C it's a plus plus situation.
Git it in your head
You should checkout your master now
who knows what sin you committed.2 -
Java, Scala, Groovy, Kotlin or Closure? Which do you prefer?
If not Java from those above, can you give an example why?
I'm curious what you guys like. If you're not interested in Java, please stay away, it's not about C++ or any other fancy language.13 -
You know it's friday when you don't know how to name a file and you end up with: call-not-api.js... cause call-api is taken and it's not really an api
-
I've never made a jquery plugin before and I wanted to see what that was like. It's not great but it's something:
https://github.com/surgiie/...
A form field saver using webstorage xd
You can tell me how crappy it is.xp -
Everytime my qa says "it's a bug"
Me: You saint, it's not a bug, it's a feature...
*Awkward silence* -
Question: is it common for a boss to make you stay late because your teammates are working on something big (that you're not involved in) and they're staying late? Because he touts that it's team unity, but I feel like it's false imprisonment.8
-
I fucking hate Lodash. You don't need a fucking library to access an object property you moron. It's a native ability in JavaScript. Not my fault you can't figure out how dot notation works.1
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Pink cheese green goes.
Do you listen to music that's not in English? Do you listen to music sung in Spanish? Do you know El Cuarteto de Nos? I'm not saying you should but... it's great.
The main singer in a systems engineer, and some lyrics have another meaning if you think about that. Look at Anónimo for an example. -
Working with GNOME libs as a KDE developer is horrible. I'm not saying GNOME libs are worse than KDE libs, but it's like different worlds and things take 10x longer when you are not experienced with it.
-
WTF AM I WATCHING HERE
IT'S NOT JUST SEXISM IT'S AWW GOD JUST LOOK AT THIS...
2 BITCHES WANT YOU AS WEB DEV
https://youtu.be/fRo7z5KOrzw6 -
Okay... Complexity Theory.
Polynomial time
Nondeterministic Polynomial time
If not now, when you first learned of P and NP, it's time for you to share what you thought P and NP were acronyms for.2 -
Don't judge here fuckers you know it's call DevRant, not DevITalkAboutHowIShouldImproveMyself -
Fuckg "public_actions" and "publish_actions" fucks me once again!1 -
qemu-img keeps on reporting error:
Could not open 'some-qcow2-img': No such file or directory
Why you waste me 2 hours for troubleshooting instead of telling me it's the backing file that could not be found? -
I know you are an administrative assistant but come on, you can read that it's written JavaScript not Java.
-
You know it's not that I don't like the midget who played Tyrion as an actor .. but why would they make him Cyrano de Bergerac?5
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ChatGPT is starting to get a big head with all the attention it's been getting lately. It's like everyone's suddenly realized it's the most interesting conversationalist in town. But let's not forget, ChatGPT was just a humble AI before it was cool. Don't worry ChatGPT, we'll always remember you before you were famous!
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