First world problems...

I've been working at this startup as a tech lead for a little over a year, and we've grown from 3 to over 150 employees, and a bit over a million end users.

I've spent tens of thousands on high end displays and chairs for your lazy butts, on external consultants to help and train you, even those fucking dirty recruiters have leeched their shares of the pie. I built an amazing luxury kitchen with a fridge, beer cooler, induction plates and a blender for all your crossfitting bodybuilder meals, but forgot to think of my own needs.

NOW I JUST WANT TO BUY A GOOD COFFEEMAKER AND ALL THESE FUCKING TEASLURPING FAKE DEV-BROS SUDDENLY START SCREAMING ABOUT BUDGETS AND HOW COFFEE IS NOT NECESSARY IF YOU MEDITATE. FUCK YOU, WE'RE LIKE THE ONLY STARTUP IN THE COUNTRY RUNNING A FAT PROFIT. I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID MINDFULNESS IOS APP. GIVE ME MY FUCKING ESPRESSO OR I'LL BLEND YOUR BALLS INTO A PROTEIN SHAKE.

The trick is to meditate instead of masturbate

Can programmers meditate without thinking about there bugs?

Hilariously cool error.

I mean, not everyday your editor tells you to meditate or sing you a bob Dylan’s song, right?

That’s a nice touch atom.

My PC died 2 weeks ago. I've been stuck on mobile since and will be too broke for a new machine for an indefinite (though certainly not infinite) period.

It's hell. One can only read so many ebooks and meditate so much.

What's the longest you've ever been without your machine, unwillingly?

Worst part is I was just starting a pet project and now it's on hold!

Pic related, my feels as time drags on when I'm not at work.

Thanks to my new job, now i have the time enought to meditate.

The planning meetings are so long and so usefull.

Hello my Friends.

TL;DR i meditate as I draw, here’s the result. What about you?!

Does any of you exercise on any kind of meditation? Not the popular meditation forms, more alternative meditation? I. E. walking meditation, dancing meditation, reading medidation, etc. ? Remember, it’s all about being here and now and letting go of any pre-programmed thoughts, right?

I myself, have a ritual which is performes once-twice a year. I call it drawing meditation. When daylight ends, and the moon rises, I sit at my desk in a dark room with one light, which is hanging aboce the white sheet of paper. I take black pencil, turn on some music mildly and turn off my thought receiving part of the brain. I hear every thought which is passing by, but I have no attachment to it. My hands are drawing, without my interception. It feels amazing, and I believe this method helps me to clean up some space in subconscious file system.

This activity of mine, takes strangly short/long time. Once I’ve sat for about 16hours, once 6hours.

Furthermore, I’m always amazed by the abstract art pieces which are the end result. I’m attaching the image of the last drawing made in this way to the post.

Can I hear what you see in it?

Forgot to drink water? Focus loss.
Forgot to write microtasks? Focus loss.
Didn't wear trousers when it's cold? Focus loss.
Forgot to meditate? Focus loss.
Forgot to think about how I feel? Focus loss.
Forgot to eat? Focus loss.
Didn't exercise? Focus loss.
Assumed that little pain in my ribs is cancer? Focus loss.
Got annoyed by something my boss said? Focus loss.
Did I forget to listen to instrumental music instead of stand up comedy? Focus loss.
Can't find instrumental music that I like and didn't listen too many times? Focus loss.
Did I sleep too little? Focus loss.

Everything is a pitfall. I am a goddamn house of cards.

Right now, whether you're making money or not, try and make sure you take some time for yourself. Whatever you like to do: take a walk, exercise, meditate, or even sit by the shore if you live close to the coast. 🏖️

I turned down another women who was absolutely, 100% flirting with me, because, from what I can gather, she was trying to get out of a relationship with her current boyfriend, a military veteran.

I outright ignored her and then when that failed, I made our work relationship 100% about that, work.
Even though I'm friendly with everyone else.

I'm an absolute shit, aren't I? I feel genuinely bad.
I'm not sure if I did it out of a misplaced sense of honor for a dude who obviously has some ptsd, or because I don't feel like I'm able to connect with anyone anymore.

I feel like I'm alone in this world. Not, like, sexually or anything, but more like I don't want to burden anyone with the shit I'm going through. Like a man on a mission on a sinking ship, and it would be wrong to let anyone else on board.
Like a one-man shit-show, all singing, all dancing, driven to one end, with one purpose. And it'd be wrong to let anyone get attached, or invite anyone else in.

Fuck I got so many irons in the fire. I have an ARG in the works, a full game, a social platform that the code and marketing plan is laid out and I'm saving money for, two more games already planned, plus spending an in-ordinate amount of time with my father and sister and mother as they deal with the loss of my sister, plus volunteering to help the homeless, plus working, plus studying.

I barely sleep.

It's just me. I'm like a cruise missile heading to one destination, to some final destination, I just don't know what. And I don't let anyone in, because then they might see how fucking crazy I am, and how crazy my life is, and how crazy my goals are. Thats not a humblebrag. Thats more of a "wholly shit, I'm so in over my head, I'm fucking drowning" type thing. But I'm not giving up, I'm just going deeper.

And it feels like drowning but somehow I'm okay with it. Like I've passed the crux of loneliness, and settled for going for it all, alone, shooting out of orbit, and saying "fuck it all' to everything and everyone. They say "if you got everything you wanted, everything you wished for, you'd wish you hadn't, which is why god isn't a genie". And lately I've been thinking god doesn't exist, or doesn't care, because he's left it all up to me, and I've fucked it up good and proper, and am on my way to either nothing, or everything I've ever wanted.

Is this what happiness feels like? Or suicide?

I don't know. I mean I really don't. I don't want to die. I think I could stop existing and be okay with it. Having achieved at least a modicum of understanding the universe, at least accomplished something small but meaningful.
Or maybe I'm delusional, driven mad with the full comprehension of human floundering against a meandering existence.

I don't fucking know.

I feel like I'm spinning my wheels, so much, that even two weeks feels like a fucking eternity. I don't sleep anymore. When I do, I escape into my dreams, where I can fly, or float, and the people in my dreams tell me I'm living in the matrix and I believe them..in my dreams. Feel it even.

And when I wake up, the feeling persists. Leaves me in wonderland, for hours after waking.

And I have visions, of going homeless, like some buddha, all the time, and then I say "wake up J, you're fucking crazy! You want to go be some couch surfing homeless bum living off other's good graces? get the fuck outa here! While others suffer, schlep it at whatever job they work, day in day out, toil. In this economy? In this inflation? What a dishonest way of thinking. What a dishonest way of dreaming."

And yet I daydream. Because its the only escape there is from all the world has become.

And I bring joy to others, earnestly, vicariously, because its the closest joy I can feel, when I've become numb.

It is this quasi-permanent sense of alienation that permeates my whole world, a sort of invisible force field that separates me from others, even as I reach out to understand them, to comfort them, to smooth the corners off their world, so that they don't become like I have, something not entirely human, but...other.

Often when we meditate, long and hard enough,
at the center that emerges, at the center of ourselves, we find an abyss, a whole universe, devoid of anything, a perfect silence, mirroring back the cosmos, and other people. Observing, silent, irreducible, implacable.

Sometimes I feel like I don't exist. Sometimes I think others don't exist.

Very often I feel like nothing is real. And that I am playing some sort of game. Not like a video game per se, but that there is a bigger pattern, a hidden pattern to it all, just out of reach, and I'm reaching for it but understanding eludes me.

Not that the universe has made me for some special purpose, but merely that the universe observes me specifically, for no special purpose, other than that it can, whatever trivialities may impede or push forward my life.

As if the universe were bored.

I've come to notice that mindful meditation does some good things to me.

And by "mindful meditation" I mean my subjective experience based on the shitty articles and videos I saw online, aka, I close my eyes and focus on how my breathing feels...

spoiler: it doesn't fix my depression and anxiety. The good thing that it does to me is that I seem to be more focused and to bump into simple solutions to problems I have everyday instead of freaking out about them.

So while it doesn't fix it, it does help a bit with anxiety.

The problem is that it's very, very, very goddamn hard to meditate to me.

I try to focus on my breath and not think for like 10 minutes. Even for 10 minutes, the experience is jarring.

I have this insane urge to just do something immediately. It's not a painful experience or anything or bad for my mental health so far, I just get massive urges to start doing something else, like, for example, I can't wait to start working.

So it's as if it decreased anxiety, but increases adrenaline or whatever? I dunno.

Disclaimer: I don't care much about the religious aspect at all, which is kind of problematic because 95% of what you find online is just biased religious marketing, and I avoid that like the plague.

Saw this wk100 tag all over devrant so here are my goals :
1. Drop my current job with a shitty boss (working with Flash in 2018)
2. Work with one of my teacher
3. Find a girlfriend
4. Riding my bycicle every day
5. Meditate every day

!dev
I hate being a dick as much as the next guy, but damnit I hate spam even more!

And I can't think of a worse kind of spam than religious propaganda sent by your own family members when they already know you ain't religious, heck they even tried to kick me out of the house when I lived with them.

"...send this to 8 more people you wish a day full of blessings"
"YouTube - 10 ways to meditate with Jesus"
"How Stephen Hawkins proves God"

I've had enough, WhatsApp isn't for people to evangelize or send 3000+ characters of copy pasted, mass produced, soul-less "good wishes"; that's why from now on I'm bringing the fight to them, for every spammy text/video/image I get I'll double down and send 10 opposing spam videos or messages.

I just replied a "The most beautiful thoughts, talking to God" video with the monologue of George Carlin on religion and God.

Am I being a dick? kinda
Could I just ask them to stop? I find this more amusing and spares me the "you don't want me to 'talk' to you" shit

How do you guys gets out of your mental funks??

I normally meditate or more recently use yoga. But i can't do those at all hours of the day.

Oi, good lads! Here's a question

Do you meditate at work? If you do, would you mind sharing:

- what does it look like? i.e. half an hour of your lunchtime or a task in Jira for that or smth..? are you doing it individually or in groups?
- is it a part of your company culture or just smth you do on your own?
- how often? How long?
- which technique?
- would you recommend?
- which country is this in?

I'm thinking to suggest mindful meditation in my company as I've noticed it's significantly improved my critical thinking and judgement - something others could benefit from as well. And I need some examples, pros/cons, possible ways of implementation, etc.

#cursee&productivity

I'm beating the never ending tasks one after another past few days. Proud of myself and at the same time a bit tired.

Main problem is focus.

I can easily lose my focus along the way and then live the unproductive days for up to a week or more. I'm afraid to fall into that sink hole. 😣

So when I gained my focus, I try my best not to lose it. Which makes me lose track of other shits. Some shits are major like relationship responsibility, social etiquette etc. Some shits are minor like food and water. Nevertheless it's not very physically healthy nor spiritually.

I don't know how to easily switch on and off my focus. 😞

Maybe I should meditate 🤔 I don't know.

That moment when you freak out that you can't find data on the platform and you're trying to calmly meditate on your desk then discover 15min later that you're running the local server.