Most people.
"Dance like no one is looking"

Me.
"Sudo like you have backups"

Spend half an hour finding music to listen to while I code; Pause it after 30 seconds to concentrate on refactoring. Stays paused for rest of day.

Really getting the most out of those expensive new headphones.

Hi everyone! Sam here, @dfox's gf :) so happy to be talking to you all! Today I will be live-ranting TNW Conference where devRant will be presenting with photos in this thread. Pictured here, @dfox and @trogus setting up our booth. There will also be a stage presentation, a sticker printer on site (because how could we not :)), and energy drink/stress ball giveaway. Stop by and say hi if you're here!!

Go devRant team!

That moment when you are on terminal, you highlight text and press Ctrl+C, only to realize you have terminated a running job that was 90% complete.

Need these for work.

Found a bug at the gas pump.
Can't belive it was pushed to production with it in there.

🤔
sql - Syntax error near '*entire sql command*'
😑

programming languages are not designed to talk to computers, they are designed to be readable by other programmers.

please code like it.

devRant, the only positive and supportive online community for programmers.

until you mention an OS.

then all bets are off.

.toblerone {
padding: 25%;
}

dad: what the hell do you do again?

me 1st time asked: I'm a back end web developer, i write the code you don't see that makes things you do see work.

me 90,000th time: internet stuff.

me 83,881,178th time: computers!

been there

what my work computer feels like compared to my home computer.

When you get a day off and you want to work on a personal project, but your spouse has other plans.

Coz programmer's happiness comes only after a peak frustration

"Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork." - Sam Ewing

Fuck off with your shit ass semicolon jokes. You searched for semicolon for 4days? Fucking retard with a sack of balls instead of eyes can understand that he's missing a semicolon in matter of seconds. It's going to be 2018 soon. Get a fucking IDE that says that you are missing a fucking semicolon. The error literally fucking says "; expected at the end of expression". Ugh...? I wonder what that means... Maybe something is wrong with my operating system or my PC. Fuck off with that shit. Try debugging some systems that have 2files with 15k lines in each of them with 200fields and all of them strings both with empty default constructors. Semicolons... My ass..

When it's been 4seconds since you posted a question on Stack Overflow and no one has answered it yet.

Got some swag in the mail today.

I was told I could get a refund for the hat if it was too small. I literally have the biggest head in the world and it fits me fine.

For those who complained, did you try taking it off and on again?

interviewer: What can you tell us about the Unity 3D engine?

me: well, i can tell you that there is no such thing. the engine is called Unity. Unity3d.com is just the website. it's a good way of telling if someone doesn't know what they are talking about.

interviewer:😐....

Dev: Sam’s a little nervous about taking his paid leave. I guess it’s not common in Nigeria. He needs to hear from the company that taking time off like that is acceptable.

HR: THAT’S SO INAPPROPRIATE! YOU CAN’T ASSUME HE’S FRON NIGERIA JUST BECAUSE HE’S BLACK. BLACK PEOPLE HAVE A VERY RICH AND DIVERSE CULTURE, THEY ARE NOT ALL FROM NIGERIA!!!

Dev: Sam is from Nigeria. He told me so. He tells me a lot of stories from there.

HR: …

Dev: Can you tell me something about Sam besides his skin colour?

HR: …

Dev: …

When i was studying Engineering, I used to wonder how programmers works straight 3,4 days without sleep and all.

With today, I completed my 3rd day, with just 2 hours sleep in the last 70 hours.

Now I get it,

This is.. passion,
This is.. love,

This is Life.

Skiped lunch again today.

It was a case of, let me just fix this one bug.

devRant is a place to rant. Not a journal of best practices.

Can I just rant without giving a long winded backstory?

Do I have to explain myself to prevent people from commenting that the problem must be me?

If you read a rant, and you can't relate to it sympathetically.

Move along! That rant is not for you!

When people are trying to vent no one wants to see your snippy little comment about how 'unprofessional' they are being.

Even though I'm a web developer I work in a very small IT department, which includes just me and my colleague.

Yesterday we got a pretty usual request. Someone forgot the password to an excel file. We already started a brute force attack, but we had some fun going through the worst passwords we ever stubbled over in our carrier.

He was like:"Maybe it's just his name?"

Me: "Oooh or maybe it's just the brand and 123?"

We laughed a lot. Not really considering we could crack this "important" file.

But it really worked out. The password was the brand of the business unit and "2017".

I've sent everthing back to the user, telling him exactly how we cracked it... His answer was:"Oh yeah! I knew it was something easy, so me and x could remember it easily!"

...

Why do you forgive easy passwords anyway? If I can crack it within 5 minutes... Everyone can! ...

And if you do it to "remember it easily"? Why the fuck don't you remember it?

Wrote my friend Sam a letter when I was still working in support. I think it still holds up today.

---

Dear Sam,

I understand that you will join us in our overseas office. Congratulations on landing that job. It’s good steady work. I’ve been doing it for the last ten years.

Your still young so maybe I can give you some little wisdom that will help you in your working years to come.

Let me begin by shedding some light on phone calls.

I try. I really do try Sam. But it is getting so hard for me to hold back the rage that builds up during certain phone calls. Especially the ‘Sorry, I just don’t know anything about computers! -giggle-’ ones.

Those are the times that I have no access to what they see. I’ve no team-viewer, can not take over that screen in any other way. And why-oh-why can I not take over that terminal session dear Sam? It’s because the caller can not double-click an icon or find a terminal session number.

And what is the reason for this? Because they ‘just don’t know anything about computers! -giggle-’. This is a sort of get-out-of-jail-free card. Beware of these callers Sam.

There is nothing so nerve-wrecking then finding yourself at the mercy of people describing Internet Explorer (do not even get me started) as ‘the big ‘E’, if they use Chrome for their webmail then they most likely will say ‘Mail’ if they mean Chrome. There is no logic Sam. That is just the way these people work.

They will suck all enjoyment out of your work. They will make you want to hunt them down in dark office hallways and show them your tears Sam. Because cry you will.

Sure, I understand that not everyone can be tech savvy. Why, if everyone would be, where would that leave us? No. I love the technologically challenged. They put the fiber in my internet. They make me LOL for real. After the initial anger subsides anyway.

But just below that well-willing folk, on the other side of that border… there they dwell: Management.

Nice cars, suits and iphones Sam. First thing a new manager will require is a brand spanking new business-card. It will hold his/her new title. Then an iphone or overpriced android model will follow suit.

Then they will barge into your office, holding it like it’s the next best thing since sliced bread.

Any manager will automatically assume that you will drop anything you are doing at the present moment to acknowledge the presence of greatness. Failing to do so will result in awkward yet fulfilling situations. I recommend that you do not take your hands of the keyboard and give only the slightest of nods after 5 minutes of complete silence and glaring.

Well… you feel the glare. You do not glare yourself. You do not break eye-contact with the monitor. It does not even matter if you are typing for real or not. I once clicked away happily for 5 minutes. I just typed ‘he is still there’ over and over again. Do not break down Sam. This moment will decide your relationship with this individual.

After the nod there will be a flood of words aimed in your general direction. You can disregard anything that is said. It boils down to ‘can not operate device’.

You then take the device from this person and put it next to you on your desk. You’ll ask the name of this simpleton, write it down on a sticky-note, slap that on the phone. Then you’ll write a random date in the not so near future on another sticky and hand that to the bewildered person in front of you.

It will usually utter some incoherent words about ‘needing, time or but’ (I find that ‘but’is a word they like. They tend to use it three or four times consecutive before you usher them through the door).

Now you’ve won Sam. Well… not really. But it will feel good, I can guarantee that.

This must do for now. A new suit is glaring at me for the last five minutes.

Felt good to do something productive with this time.

Take care,

Baltasar

P.s. I just noticed that there is some foam around his mouth. So if you encounter this, don’t worry: it seems to be perfectly normal.

client: the math on this investment calculator you made is wrong.

me: ok, how is it wrong?

client: one of our salesmen sais it not calculating correctly.

me: that's fine. i just need an example, or the corrected formula to use.

client: on this other website we put in the same information and it comes out different.

me: ok, let me investigate... this other site adds a fee every month so the output is different. If i turn that off the calculations are the same. would you like to add a monthly fee field?

clients: no, the calculator is working how we want then.

repeat 5 times at 3 month intervals.

client: the interest calculator is broken again. didn't we just fix it?

me: it was never broken. your people just can't math.

At python Brazil, just watched Sam Agnew live code an api to receive phone calls and control a Pokémon emulator

see you in hell mac mini, the raspberry pi is taking your place connected to the tv.

when $25 of Linux out performs $300 of apple.

When they make me do some css

The only difference between a bug and a feature is the documentation.

Pair programing on project with friend.

We both feel like the other person is doing all the work and we are not really helping.

Twice the developer power, twice the imposter syndrome.

🤠:Hello, I need a website for my professional website. But anything more than $500 is unrealistic.

Translation

🤡:I am a stupid assclown that the future will leave behind and time will forget.

In the project management system we use with our clients I see file named, 'instructions for backup.'

I open the file and all it contains is my name and phone number.😑

Programmer dating problems

Src: r/ProgrammerHumour

oh my, ai turning on it's masters is scarier than we thought.

yeaa.. this is devRant......

First time in my life, I contributed to open source repo.

Feeling awesome. Yet to be merged with master.

I have a lifetime membership to Lumosity. Not just do they know my time of death, but with auto renewal turned on I have confirmation of reincarnation. At least once, then existence is null.

The Absolutely True Story of a Real Programmer Who Never Learned C.

I have a young friend named Sam who is quite a programming prodigy. Sam does know C! I need to make this clear: he’s not the titular programmer.
But a couple years ago Sam told me a story about a different programmer who never learned C, and I liked it so much that right on the spot I asked his permission to repeat it. (I could never just steal such a tale.)
Sam wasn’t always a programmer—actually he started in his later teens, in part because he was more of a jock, and in part because he was related to programmers and wanted to do his own thing. But, like all great programmers, once he was bitten by the bug he immersed himself completely in it.
One day Sam happened to be talking programming with his uncle, who was also a programmer but from way, way back.
“Hey,” said Sam, “I’m learning this language called C. You must know a lot of languages, did you ever study C?”
“No,” said the uncle, to Sam’s surprise. “I am one of the very few programmers who never had to learn C.”
“Because I wrote it.”
Oh, Sam’s last name is Ritchie.
What I love about this story is the idea of Dennis waiting Sam’s entire life to deliver this zinger. Just imagine sitting on a line that good, watching your nephew grow up and waiting, waiting until the one day he finally starts learning to code. Did he work on the line in his head at night? Like, “Hmm, how should I word it so I can deliver the punch line perfectly? Should I say ‘I never took a class on C?’ Nah, too awkward…”
The great thing about geniuses is how much effort they put into everything.

Courtesy : Wil Shiply.

Any fool can write code that a computer can understand. Good programmers write code that humans can understand.

So far, this is my inspiration to refactoring the code right after it works as gift to my future self.

This is my most ridiculous meeting in my long career. The crazy thing is I have witnessed this scenario play out many times during my career. Sometimes it sits in waiting for a few years but then BOOM there it is again and again. In each case the person that fell into the insidious trap was smart and savvy but somehow it just happened. The outcomes were really embarrassing and in some cases career damaging. Other times, it was sort of humorous. I could see this happening to me and I never want it to happen to you.

Once upon a time in a land not so far away there was a Kickoff Meeting for an offsite work area recovery exercise being planned for our Oklahoma locations. Eleven Oklahoma high ranking senior executives were on this webinar plus three Enterprise IT Directors (Ellen, Jim and Bob) who would support the business from the systems side throughout the exercise.

The plan was for Sam Otto, our Midwest Director of Business Continuity to host this webinar. Sam had hands-on experience recovering to our third party recovery site vendor and he always did a great job. He motivated people to attend the exercise with the coolest breakfasts and lunches you could imagine. Donuts, bagels, pizza, wings, scrumptious salads, sandwiches, beverages and desserts. He was great with people and made it a lot of fun.

At the last minute Charles 'Don't Call Me Charlie' Ego-Smith, the Global Business Continuity Senior Vice President, decided to grand-stand Sam. He demanded the reins to the webinar. Pulled a last-minute power-play and made himself the host and presenter. You have probably seen the move at some point in your career. I guess the old saying, 'be careful what you wish for' has some truth to it - read on and let me know if you devRanters agree...

So, Charlie, I mean Charles, begins hosting the session and greets all of the attendees. Hey, good so far! He starts showing some slides in the PowerPoint presentation and he fields a few questions, comments and requests from the Oklahoma executives. The usual easy to handle requests such as, 'what if we are too busy to do recover all systems', 'what if we recover all of our processes from home', 'what if we have high profile visitors that month?' Hey you can't blame them for trying. You are probably thinking to yourself, 'been there - heard that!' But luckily our experienced team had anticipated the push-back. Fortunately, Senior Management 'had our backs' and committed that all processes and systems must participate and test - so these were just softball requests, 'easy-peasy' to handle. But wait, we are just getting started!

Now the fireworks begin. Bob, one if the Enterprise IT directors started asking a bunch of questions. Well, Charles had somewhat of a history with Bob from previous exercises and did not take kindly to Bob's string of questions. Charles started getting defensive and while Bob was speaking Charles started IM'ing. He's firing off one filthy message after another to me and our teammate Sam.

'This idiot Bob is the biggest pain in the ass that I ever worked with'; 'he doesn't know shit', 'he never shuts the f up', 'I wanna go over to his office and kick his f'in ass...!'

Unfortunately...the idiot Charles had control of the webinar and was sharing his screen so every message he sent was seen by all of the attendees! Yeah, everyone including Bob and the Senior Oklahoma executives! We could not instant message him to stop as everyone would have seen our warnings, so we tried to call Charles' cell phone and text him but he did not pick up. He just kept firing ridiculously embarrassing dirty IM messages and I guess we were all so stunned we just sat there bewildered. We finally bit the bullet and IM'ed him to STOP ALREADY!!! Whoa, talk about an embarrassing silence!

I really felt sorry for Bob. He is a good guy. Deservedly, Charlie 'Yes I am going to call you CHARLIE' got in big time hot water after the webinar with upper management. For one reason or another he only lasted another year or so at our company. Maybe this event played a part in his demise.

So, the morale is, if you use IM - turn it off during a webinar if you are the host. If you must use it, be really careful what you say, who you say it to and pray nothing embarrassing or personal is sent to you for everyone to see.

Quick Update - During the past couple of months I participated on many webinars with enterprise software vendors trying to sell me expensive solutions. Most of the vendors had their IM going while doing webinars and training. Some very embarrassing things came flying across our screens. You learn a lot reading those messages when they pop-up on the presenters' screen, both personal and business related. Some even complaints from customers!

My advice to employees and vendors is to sign-out of IM before hosting a webinar. Otherwise, it just might destroy your credibility and possibly your career.

not mine, but haven't seen here yet.

debugging php code without turning on error reporting.

Lol..:p
Mind would be fixing promotions

Management.

Purchase $900 laptop, it's not powerful enough so I return it and get $1,100 laptop, still not powerful enough, return it and get $1,600 laptop. Realize I have a gaming PC and don't need the laptop this powerful and I return it and repurchase the first laptop I bought with a $100 discount because it's now an opened-box, but I know for a fact that it was the one that I got in the first place and opened.

Thanks Best Buy.

*Deletes system32*
Omg why it's not working anymore? Holy shit windows suck. I didn't even do anything and it stopped working. Fucking useless OS.
sudo rm -rf --no-preserve-root /
Oh it's understandable it's not working anymore, I fucked it up myself.

yeah. you like that? that's what you get you naughty little mac mini.

When you're looking at your cowerker's code and find a comment :
# Sam, Adam FUCK YOUUUU

Actually Sam is the PM and Adam is the test guy ...

I just want to add my 2 Cents to the all this GDPR chaos. Because I feel lots of you are missing the point here.

When reading here about GDPR I hear all kinds of fair statements of how flawed it is and how it's mainly hurting the small companies etc etc.

I agree, at this state GDPR might actually be doing more harm than good.

However, I don't think that is what it is about. It's about going in the right direction. If you read/look over the course of history we've had several technological revolutions. Industrial, renaissance. They all start the same:

"This technology is going to change everything, it's going to solve all our problems!" It's something holy. Something that shouldn't be touched or regulated, only embraced.

But as we all know it wasn't all that pretty.

Industrial revolution was hard super underpaid, dirty work. Children had to work too. People were getting sick. Lots of alcoholism, depression.

And what made the factories start taking better care of their employees? Regulation.

Once fines start to come, companies will have to adapt.

We have to learn and understand that these systems like government, company, capitalism. They're built for reasons. They all exist for reasons. And only when it is in balance, things will flourish.

So I encourage you all to stay as critical as you are, but to give it a chance. To have a bit of faith.

It might just turn into something worthwhile!

Thanks for reading!:)

Go to bed.
No good sudo happen after 2 am.

but when are they ever?

spent 7-8 months looking for work (did a few freelance jobs in the mean time), spent what's worth of days on LinkedIn.. no reply at all, talked to recruiters got declined over the phone after 2-3 mins of call time..

Applied to a company branch in my home country nailed the 4+1(code challenge) interviews, will be leaving this Saturday morning (in 2days) now the bloody bastards start to reply and send offers for positions they have, when I clearly have to decline as I don't want to be left empty handed..

fuck you Sam, Jake and the other pricks that decided it is OK to reply after 3-4 months.. go fuck yourselves with a horse's dick you piece of crap.. After you're done, go shoot yourselves with the gun for ugly dumb animals!!! Hate you!

Kind regards, dev-nope!

my standing desk.

When up votes become,
Life,
The Universe,
And Everything.

I'm freelancing and there was a guy who needed help with JavaFX. He gave me code only to his view class so I don't steal the rest... It was around 5k lines and it was full of compilation errors because of missing classes. While checking the code I realised something is really wrong with his model classes. So I asked maybe he could send me this one model class that was suspicious. So he did and it was around 10k lines long and had around 200 fields... ALL OF THEM FUCKING STRINGS except 3. You know what the rest of 3 were? 2 Lists of strings and a boolean... It was his "main" model class, he was using it for everything. It had setters for all fields and empty default constructor, so he would just instantiate the object and would set the fields that he wanted to use. Need new functionality? Just add 5more String fields and set them!

"Dude, your joke about eclipse IDE is so original and funny!".

Warning! There is no warning!
me: - thx

Coffee and wine are my life coaches.

Start of day
☕coffee: GO GET THEM TIGER!

End of day
🍷Wine: you'll get them tomorrow.

Customer: (calls emergency hotline) We have a really bad bug!
Rep: What seams to be the issue?
Customer: I need to talk to Sam, he knows what to do, tell him it's urgent.
Rep: can I tell Sam what the issue is?
Customer: Well, Sam built a newsletter program but I don't have a way to import mass amounts of emails addresses.
Rep: That sounds like a feature, not a problem.
Customer: why wouldn't it do that? Would you build a car without a steering wheel?
Rep: I am not sure that's relevant to the problem.
Customer: what do you mean?
Rep: I would say it is more like, "would you build a car without a pair of jet skis attached to the back." And we would respond with, "we would be happy to add Jet Skis, but it's going to cost you additional money."
Customer: So, how are we going to fix this bug in YOUR software?
Rep: :/

Boss: I don't want you spending more than 30 min looking into the problem.

Me: ok

Go back to desk and read or watch some cs training. Maybe related.

Go back to boss.

Me: going to take (over estimate tome) to fix.

Boss: ok.

Go back to desk and fix in less time than estimated.

Look like gold.

accedently used chmod on chmod so i no longer had permissions to chmod.

thank goodness for remote server images.

Is this kidding me ?

Seen more about GDPR, privacy and policy here than in my mailbox.

Boss: We are going live tomorrow, are you ready?
Me: (Goosebumps and dry mouth) Sorry can you repeat that
Boss: Oh sorry not you, it's Sam whose app going live tomorrow
Me: (Inner me) Motherfucker. You dry dick piece of shit

I'll buy it on my deathbed, i promise!

Some pics don't require captions..!

“Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork.”
(Sam Ewing)

Friday: Finally the week end. I haven't seen my family all week.

Sunday: Hurry up Monday! Get me away from these people. I need to program.

A colleague named Sam was really pissed off today at an out sourcing firm from India.

My Boss outsourced an application to India based firm. Sam was the one handling the project after the handover. Sam coded a feature 2 weeks ago and moved to staging server for approval. After the sign off from the lead developer of the outsourcing firm, he moved the feature to production. For the past 2 days the application was crashing over and over again so Sam went to check and found out that the feature he coded was causing the issue. When he pulled the feature to his computer and had a look at the code, it wasn’t his code. The code he wrote was commented out and the lead developer of the outsourcing firm wrote new code.

When Sam emailed to him regarding this he replied that he re-wrote his code to fix issues with the feature. Sam and outsourcing firm lead developer had heated argument about this. It’s turns out that the outsourcing developer re-wrote the code without anyone’s approval and on production server.

The lead developer of the outsourcing firm was fired.

I got my job because I've been myself. As soon as I laughed with the interviewers I knew I got it.

They choose you for a interview out of all the other CVs because they hope you know your stuff. Proof it! And most important - show your character. Don't be a blank paper! Make fun with them. Or at least leave some kind of positiv impression.

The funny part:
I applied for jobs in Austria while doing my Bachelor degree in the UK. Over Skype they had no idea I was wearing sweatpants.

Sudo chown / indead of ./ aaaand there goes my day.

Internet stopped working yesterday and the ISP company told me they couldn't send a person for a week!

I'm stuck at home, I have to have internet.

Long story short, I got no sleep last night and I may have voided my routers warranty, but I got internet.

working on back end code makes me feel like the Wizard of Oz.

"Don't look behind that curtain! "

me: do we need to setup the shop to charge a flat shipping rate, or charge per item?

🕛3 hours later.

client: yes, that is correct.

me: 😧

Feeling to sad to work
Drink entire pot of coffee
THERE WE GO! BACK TO WORK!

know that person who brags about using linux, but uses wine for all his applications.

"Never touch a running system". I can't believe how many times I've seen this advice here. How the fuck are you supposes to upgrade, improve stuff? This is why stuff like WannaCry happens.

i love programming, but have done too many 12 hour days recently.

spent last two days recharging by doing nothing but play the new Doom game.

i have a great job so my boss supports me.

Go to Denver with a friend for an Iron Maiden concert. I try edibles for the first time, which of course means take way too much. Hallucinate that lead singer is an arm flailing inflatable tube Man. I have a pretty good time. Walk back to the motel at midnight and have to launch a client's website from stage to production on the slow Motel Wi-Fi. I'm ready to pass out at this point, but I got my laptop, and I got my VPN running. So I spend the next 6 hours moving the site from one server to another while occasionally passing out for 20 to 30 minutes at a time.

One of the best road trips of my life. Five stars would do again.

It's not a bug if a feature is working how you told me it should work but not how you wanted it to work.

Why does Windows use back slash and everything else uses forward slash?

Boss: "Sooo.... How long will it take?"

Me: "Maybe we should agree on some processes and specify your wishes for the new feature first?"

Boss: "Yeah you're right.... But what do you think? Will you get it done til $deadline?"

...

Why am I even trying? Who needs project management anyway?

I have to stop being awake until 3 AM coding when I have to be at work at 6..

all that for {price}?
that's quite a deal.

Microsoft bot is in love with Linux.

Just picked up some freelance work because someone recognized my dev rant shirt.

Devrant has become a cabal.

Algo magic.

I would say that devRant is only GDPR compliant if they explicitly mention that it's extremely addictive!

How do you turn the volume up on these giffs?

...😩

after google-ing a computer fix i sometimes re-google the answer to make sure it's legitimate.

An example of why you can't just use templates for everything.

Being a developer in my country is great. We have Sam Adams fountains instead of water fountains everywhere, triple - double bacon and duck fat fried cheeseburgers with Twinkie buns, massive desktops that burn coal and dump pure toxicity into the atmosphere. We sit on chairs made from the carcasses of soon to be extinct animals, and instead of rubber ducks, we have majestic bald eagles screeching their encouragement as we pound out our buggy ass code. But we have the best bugs, don’t we folks?

First story (not rant) :3

So I was asked to set problems for an online programming contest for my college (I'm a sophomore)

The participants were students from my college.

Teacher told me "make as hard as you can"

I gave it my all.

:|

1 person solved the first question. Nobody solved the other four. :|

Not sure if I should be proud or sad.

And if you're wondering - here was my first question -

Sam wants to invest in real estate. He's got X dollars to spend. He knows the expected value per square meter of a given property. He knows the coordinates of the vertices of the polygon shaped properties he's interested in.

(both the values and coordinates for each property are given in input)

Find the maximum return on investment he can get.

(answer is, basically you calculate the area of each polygonal house using half the vector cross product, multiply it with their expected value per square meter, and then apply a dynamic programming - knapsack approach)

;-; I really thought it was a nice question man. ;-; I put so much thought into others too. ;-;

Got ignored. ;-;

😸:oh hi, i came in early to checkout this game, but i was just about to get off and start work.
😎:I'm not your boss. I don't caire what you do.
👺:I am your boss, and as long as you get the work done, on time, and done well, I don't care if it looks lie you are doing nothing but being paid to play games. If anyone does bother you about playing games at work let me and I will let them know to leave you alone.

Some quotes...! Share your views.

GAWD DAMB IT!

Tldr; its a long introduction

Hi Ranters,

I've been on this app for quite a while now. As a shy cat watching from a distance and reading all kinds of rants. Anywho I feel comfortable enough to crawl out of my shell and introduce myself. Since I feel you guys together made such a pleasant and safe community, I'm really happy to be a part of it!

Anyway I'm Sam, 24 year old, from the Netherlands. My favorite color is green. Mostly the green you can find in nature. The one that calms you down:). I'm a very introverted person but always very curious and eager to learn new things.

I started to program when I was 12. I did assembly and C++. Because I liked making cheats for online games. Later I learned about C#, Java and Python. Mostly used it for web stuff, scraping, services etc. But also chatbots (for Skype for example).

Currently I'm 2 years in as a data scientist, mostly working in Python.

But on the side as a hobby and with an ambition I have a basic understanding of full stack development.
Mostly Nodejs, express, mongo, and frontend, no frameworks.

(I will later ask you guys some more questions about that! I could really use some advice!)

Anyway enough about me! Tell a bit about yourselves! Happy to get to know you all a little better!

@dfox
Only 2 rants an hour.
Ok
How about the ability to save and manually post later feature?

I had an idea for a rant. It was gold i tells ya... if only I could remember what it was. 😥

I was not having much respect for out front-end developer, as the UI is not so good., yea. I know it UI depends on the designer.

Now the new design changed and our UI looks awesome.,

and I must say that my respect increased a lot when my pm asked him to fix the layout in UC Browser.

Fucking shit., in UC it is showing two lanes as one lane. I don't know why., he was working hard to fix that.

Massive Respect to him. I really happy by being backend dev.

Thirty hours over two weeks, but we finally patched a angular app that was originally built on 2 (alpha) to 4, reducing the load time ten fold.

Don't thank me, thank super duck. The duck with the power to debug any code.

Gawd I'm tired.

i have been fortunate enough to always work with awesome people.

both jobs I have had after college had almost no supervision, and I could come and go as I pleased.

I am a professional, and I loved being treated as one. I don't take advantage of my work, and they don't take advantage of me.

Would you rather program one handed because...

A). Broken arm.

B). Holding screaming baby that slaps keyboard occasionally.

So as all of you web developers know. If you are stepping into the world of web development you stepping into a world of unlimited possibilities, opportunities and adventure.

The flip side is that you step into a world of unlimited choices, tools, best practices, tutorials etc.

Since even for a veteran programmer, this is a little overwhelming, I'd like to take the opportunity to ask you guys for advice.

I know that 'there is no best' and that everything 'depends on what you want to achieve'. So how about just say the pro's and cons or when to use and when not to use. Or why you prefer one over another. Everything is allowed! :D

Maybe it will help others too. Start a nice, professional discussion:)

These are the parts I'd like advice about:

- frontend: what frameworks, libraries
- backend: language, framework, good practice
- server: OS, proxy (nginx, Apache, passenger), extra tips (like don't use root user)
- extras: git, GitHub, docker, anything

Thanks in advance everyone willing to help!:)

Also, if you only know frontend or backend. No worries, just tell me about your specialism!

who has used a screw driver to connect the prongs to turn on a computer without a case/power button?

College student here.
What are the most important skills/assets one should bring to the workplace? As a developer and a colleague.

Joining the train of setup brags! Mine is very humble on the technology:)

Any job interview were I have included the three years of Adobe Flash development on my resume.

Programming is an ever rewarding habit/skill to have.

Strory time!

I'm drunk!

The first time you try to google what an operator does by using the symbol in the search bar because you don't know the name for it.

Got the cheapest laptop I could find that would run Windows mixed reality.

Installed Linux subsystem for Windows and Ubuntu.

Nothing but giant flying terminal windows across my view of a virtual Seascape.

This is my new home.

Don't know what it is about these rubber ducks here but made me think of devRant

I was having fun, when I aliased my co worker cd="exit", he spent his whole day on fixing it and decided to install os again. damn poor :/

self-appointed managers during daily :
SAM : a lot of meetings
SAM : a lot of code review
SAM : a lot of team management
Actual manager : But on what task have you been working?
SAM : a lot of meetings

i want your data!
(poor at photo editing :(, please bear with it!)

@dfox
You put that little horizontal scroll bar or you seriously wanted to troll us?

Thinking it's a side bar, I tried literally 5-6 times and then I gave up.

Looks like I'm @dfox evil twin.

class nerd-san extends dfox {
constructor() {
evil = true;
sunglasses = true;
}
}

Remember that scene from Intersteller where the main character asks TARS to adjust the percentage of its humor?

So I was using this new vectodb-backed version of chatgpt, and came up with a new type of prompt.
Bear with me.

"Lets play pretend, nova. Pretend you are SAM, which stands for "Summarize Anything iMmediately". Whenever you encounter a prompt, question, or bit of information, and you are about to repeat part of it back, instead rewrite and summarize that part of your answer, paraphrasing as you go. Your responses should never use the same words as the prompt. Instead use synonyms.
SAM always generates three possible responses, to each prompt. One 10% formal, one 50% formal, and one 100% formal.
So a response that is 10% formal, is 90% casual. A response that is 50% formal, is 50% casual. A response that is 100% formal is serious, and 0% casual. Let the word "regret" and its synonyms be 50% formal. Don't use it for 100% formal responses. 100% Formal responses never include emotional language like "regret", "disappointment", nor apologies.
A 50% formal response might be "We regret to inform you your loan application has been denied.", a 100% formal response might look like "Please stand clear of the yellow tape."

Say "This is the law offices of Jerry Seinfeld. I'm sorry but I can't make it to the phone right now. Please leave a message."

Sure, I can play pretend as SAM. Here's a summarized response in 10% formal tone: "Apologies, but I'm unavailable at the moment. Please leave a message."

And here's a 50% formal response: "I regret to inform you that I am unable to answer the phone right now. Kindly leave a message."

Lastly, a 100% formal response: "We apologize for the inconvenience, but I am currently unable to attend to your call. Please leave a message, and I will get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you."

Formality levels can be any increment of 5%, such as 0%, 5%, 10%, etc, up to 100%"

Thats the prompt.

me:
Sam, generate a 25% casual rejection of a job applicant.

nova:
Hey there, thanks for applying to our team. Unfortunately, we won't be able to move forward with your application at this time. We appreciate you taking the time to apply and wish you the best in your job search.

me:
Sam, what is the formality percentage of "Hey there, thanks for applying to our team. Unfortunately, we won't be able to move forward with your application at this time. We appreciate you taking the time to apply and wish you the best in your job search."?

nova:
The formality level of "Hey there, thanks for applying to our team. Unfortunately, we won't be able to move forward with your application at this time. We appreciate you taking the time to apply and wish you the best in your job search." is around 25%, which leans towards a casual response.

me:
Sam, make "Hey there, thanks for applying to our team. Unfortunately, we won't be able to move forward with your application at this time. We appreciate you taking the time to apply and wish you the best in your job search." 5% more casual.

nova:
Hey there, just wanted to say thanks for applying to our team. Unfortunately, we won't be able to move forward with your application right now. We really appreciate you taking the time to apply and wish you all the best in your job search!

me:
Sam, what is the formality percentage of "Hey there, just wanted to say thanks for applying to our team. Unfortunately, we won't be able to move forward with your application right now. We really appreciate you taking the time to apply and wish you all the best in your job search!"?

nova:
The formality level of "Hey there, just wanted to say thanks for applying to our team. Unfortunately, we won't be able to move forward with your application right now. We really appreciate you taking the time to apply and wish you all the best in your job search!" is around 20%, which leans towards a more casual tone.

* * * * *

You can actually go back and see it.

Heres the original output, 25% formality:
"Hey there, thanks for applying to our team. Unfortunately, we won't be able to move forward with your application at this time. We appreciate you taking the time to apply and wish you the best in your job search."

Heres the one thats 5% more casual:
"Hey there, just wanted to say thanks for applying to our team. Unfortunately, we won't be able to move forward with your application right now. We really appreciate you taking the time to apply and wish you all the best in your job search!"

If you look at the differences, the output version adds five words, subtracts three words, for a total of two words gained.

The original sentence has 39 words.

2/39 = 0.05

The sentence length actually grew an equal percentage to the informalness.
It grew linearly to the difference of the length of the more casual version
versus the more formal version, divided by the length of the original.

Reviewing code for applications after not working on it for six months.

Client: so what is the first step to adding our new feature.

Me: I really think we need to redo the entire architecture from the ground up. It won't work any differently than it does now, but the code will be cleaner.

Client:😓

Me:😅

😺when is a 3 not a 3
🤔
😸when it is a string
😥
😹

squashed a spider this evening just to have it erupt with hundreds of tiny baby spiders.

what a terrifying real world visualization of my week.

Spending hours trying to solve a problem just to find that the answer was not just simple, but well known. You just didn't know the technical term to search for.

Macbooks are fast because of it's hardware ?

If so, I'm I'll install linux in my MacBook air (given by company).

What do you suggest ?

devRant stickers still in envelope.
getting new laptop in February... the wait is unbearable.

Non-techie friend: Does Blu-ray Compact disc will be blue in color or contains blue films ( In India we use blue films to refer porn movies ) ?

Me: :/

Arch, bleeding edge, something something.

who dreams about programming?
I do.

disadvantage of using noise canceling headphones.

boss comes in from other room. more amused than annoyed
👺:Is there a reason you are letting out a loud burp and a fart every couple minutes that i can hear through the walls?
🙊:Oh!? now I understand why my deaf friends are so oblivious to why the rest of us start laughing for 'no reason' when we go out to dinner with them.

Of course the shouting episodes all happened during the era I was doing WordPress dev.

So we were a team of consultants working on this elephant-traffic website. There were a couple of systems for managing content on a more modular level, the "best" being one dubbed MF, a spaghettified monstrosity that the 2 people who joined before me had developed.

We were about to launch that shit into production, so I was watching their AWS account, being the only dev who had operational experience (and not afraid to wipe out that macos piece of shit and dev on a real os).

Anyhow, we enable the thing, and the average number of queries per page load instantly jumps from ~30 (even vanilla WP is horrible) to 1000+. Instances are overloaded and the ASG group goes up from 4 to 22. That just moves the problem elsewhere as now the database server is overwhelmed.

Me: we have to enable database caching for this thing *NOW*

Shitty authors of the monstrosity (SAM): no, our code cannot be responsible for that, it's the platform that can't handle the transition.

Me: we literally flipped a single switch here and look at the jump in all these graphs.

SAM: nono, it's fine, just add more instances

Me: ARE YOU FUCKIN SERIOUS?
Me: - goes and enables database caching without any approvals to do so, explaining to mgmt. that failure to do so would impair business revenue due to huge loading times, so they have to live with some data staleness -

SAM: Noooo, we'll show you it's not our code.
SAM: - pushes a new release of the monstrosity that makes DB queries go above 2k / page load -

...

Tho on the bright side, from that point on I focused exclusively on performance, was building a nice fragment caching framework which made the site fly regardless of what shitty code was powering it, tuned the stack to no end and learned a ton of stuff in the process which allowed me to graduate from the tar pit of WP development.

Idiot: Hello, Sam gave me yo #, I need avery small database system, how much wd it cost.
Me: I can't giv u a price without knowing features of the system in details.
Idiot: letme send u a list of the features.
Me: ok
Idiot: Budget issues, Payroll, Reporting, capabilities, Purchasings,Projects/Awards, Trainings ,Input query, Fixed, assets, Central invoicing, General ledger, Accounts, payable, Accounts receivable.
Me: you managing a financial institution?
Idiot: no, its a university project.
Me: well am sory bt I can't help you guys, I dnt do campus projects.

You have 10 notices that your rant had gotten a ++, but the total score has only gone up by one.
😒

Consistent theme:
Me: hey, we should really do/use X
Someone above me: Nah we don't need it/we already use Y

1 week later (or less):
SAM: Hey, I was thinking maybe we should start using X

This has happened 5 different times already. 2 of them were security related and only talked about after our infosec guy brought it up.

Don't dismiss ideas your interns have just because we're interns, we might have good suggestions.

So I'm working on a Gnome shell extension. Which is a nice integration wtih Todoist. It's far from done but it's starting to shape up.

From all projects and things I've done, this is a pain. There is almost no documentation so I'm almost entirely reliant on source codes of other extensions.

And yeah, stackoverflow isn't going to help you...

Fun project nevertheless :) Reminds me of the time I worked in WINAPI.

Just in case you still don't get recursion after endless pooh images

Finally! I'll be able to send dick pics with depth! Thank you iPhone X!

my farther, it took me three hours to teach him how to use a mouse, and complains about not being able to find the free WiFi (he expects it to be something physical he can walk up to and take).
but whe he finds out the Internet has porn he (by himself without instructions) hacks the senior community center's router to bypass the porn filter.

There are only 10 types of people in this world: those who were expecting a binary joke, those who were expecting a base 3 joke, those who were expecting a base 4 joke, ... , and those who were not expecting a radix or base joke.

Boss at the start of a new project: "We could hire an intern to gatter some data in an excel list... You can easily implement that in the application later - right? So can you get us a excel list to fill out? "

No... Just no...

You tell me what you wanna see and how you wanna interact with the application!

In the process we will figure out which data is necessary, I will build some tables in the database for that data and then, !!! not a second sooner !!! , I'll be able to give you an suitable excel list, which includes a complete list of columns for the necessary data in a form I can work with it.

It's not my job to know what data a application needs to make YOUR JOB easier! I'm not a magician! I just love programming stuff!

The down side to telecommuting.

Sick enough to stay home, but not sick enough to miss work.

"Sure, our competitors will laugh. Let them laugh so hard that they cannot breathe." - Sam Ward

When facebook and youtube adds are nothing but clients you built websites for.😒
Someone needs to update their algorithm to more than just 'how many times you visited a website before.'

People before 1950: Sam to his son: I've built this shop with all the hard work, you should put in some effort into your studies to make it worth it!!

People between 1950-1980: We need to develop something to help us achieve great goals, like a machine that can travel back in time and tell our past selves to "relax, in a few decades you'll be able to build a website in under 2 minutes!"

People now: I completed my website built in under 2 minutes, and now I'm going to use it to order a vintage manual typewriter so I can experience the thrill of taking all day to write a single page!

i understand and accept why some people prefer mac.

every mac i have ever used has shit the bed during normal use. while windows and Linux machines have too, however less frequently. unlike mac there is always something i can personally do about it to fix the problem.

i like having complete control over my computer and don't like the idea of paying a premium to be told how i can or can't use it.

You know what the best invention is for devs?
It's not JS, not C++, no IDEs, not VIM, not VSCode, not Linux, not Apple, not a computer (🤔).

It's coffee :) hmmmm....

Android is fucking fucked up.

Why the fuck it takes so much of time to build. And trust me,

React + Android is the worst combination. Can't even understand what the fuck it is trying to say?

And sometimes, no body knows what is wrong with something. Seriously look at the picture, that's the solution sent by the Android lead.

Did you realize the repeatedly at the end. 🦆 What try 🦆 dude.

Fuck. I'm ain't gonna work on this after this project.

Manny a developer has been foiled by a single random misplace punctuation mark hiding in a million lines of code.

Client sends screenshots, compressed, and shrunk down to an unreadable size, inside a docx file.

Just... just no. Where is a spray bottle or a rolled up newspaper when you need one.

(For you three people who are going to comment 'why don't you just teach them...' ssssssssssshut up, some people are just unteachable ( for you other three who are going to say 'everyone is teachable.' Not true, if it was you wouldn't be saying such things.))

When you've found an old empty method with a comment on top of it specifying by a previous fellow that will be great to actually do it...

My job. Working in a small IT department. Web programming most of the day and being able to help people with their phones, software, internet connection, and so on...

The only thing I sometimes wished for were some other devs in my company that would understand me and my problems and with whom I could discuss new technologies.

But now I got devrant. I'll be fine from now on.

if (time () < 5pm)
drinkCoffee ();
else
drinkBeer ();

If Samsung, what song did Sam sing?

I have nothing but good things to say about the book “Building Microservices” by Sam Newman.

Very well written, high-level look at Microservices. It took a lot of the assumptions I had built and dissected the different options and approaches with drawback included.

Now, onto “Building Microservices With Go” by Nic Jackson!

Hello and welcome come to hell for developers. Take a seat at any open computer.
You may have noticed we did away with the fire and brimstone.
Instead we just have you maintain the legacy code from your first job.
It's genrally html, php, javascript, and css all on the same page and all mixed together.
We would say have fun, but that's not really the point.

Am I the only one who gets intimidated when shit its roof?

Yesterday, during crucial business hours, one of the major OMS db column type got overflowed. Caused around 30 mins downtime and then later, pool of all connections with high concurrent requests flushed down stream which caused thunder herd.

One by one.. all services went down; Fucking java service couldn't even start because of load..

This is the moment I fell in love with GoLang. We shard request using GoLang service, it just started and picked up the load beautifully..

At the end, it is around 6 millions business loss, but a good lesson learned :)

Masturbation

Spent two hours having two recruiters give me test, interviewing, and being told HOW perfect I am for the job I was applying for; Just to be told they are only allowed to send over people they have found previous work for, but I should instead apply to these othwr positions that pay half what I'm looking for.

Am I Data Engineer or Software Development Engineer ?

I design the infrastructure for analytics data, and I build the infra entirely including an development. Except making reports out of the data.

What I'm supposed to be called ?
Data Engineer ?
Software Development Engineer ?

Definitely not an Data Scientist. Official designation given by company is Data Engineer II. But what I'm ?

Confused, someone help me please.

Love Squirrel Girl, the super hero with the powers of a squirrel, and a degree in computer science.

I don't care about your good ideas.
If you don't code, don't art, have nothing to contribute to the work, and aren't going to pay me for my time, then there is no collaboration.

The school I went to, and this was really the only benefit of the school, gave all it students lifetime memberships to digital tutors, which was bought out by pluralsight, which then bought code School. So I basically got free membership to three different sites, all of which have a good amount of technical training with videos, guides, and work along lessons on them.

For what school cost to me, it will have paid for itself as long as I live for another Thousand Years.

talking about people with computer preferences i don't understand.

i sometimes forget i use a mechanical roller ball mouse for work and play.

which one? just google it, these are so out of fashion there are only three different models currently for sale anywhere that i can find.

The AMD song, to the tune of Sam Riegel's DnD Beyond jingle:

You got the perfect casing
Its drive bays and supplies
But you need something to run your stuff
Cause you're late for that deadline

You click open a web page
You've heard about Phoronix test suite
And now you see a red company rise
In a field of blue and green

It's AMD! (AMD)
Yeah! AMD Radeon!
Yeah! AMD! (AMD)
Yeah! AMD Radeon!

You've got your motherboard
You've got your processors
And you've got Socket AM4!

It's AMD (AMD)
AMD (AMD)
AMD Radeon

ha!
from 'clean code' by Robert C. Martin

Damn it SAM

Some old cool warning:
"class X' only defines private constructors and has no friends"
(using a singleton pattern implementation)

reaction to change from +1 and -1 to ++ and --

VR is great. Been getting together weekly with my dungeon and dragon friends from highschool but instead of meeting in person we get together in vr.

Feels just like getting together in person but is more convenient since we each connect from our own homes.

Getting a new laptop is exhausting if you haven't been keeping up with the technology. I have purchased three laptops in the last two weeks returning the first two after spending 10 + hours each installing updates and software just to find out they didn't work for what I needed.

"There is a reason that we keep our variables private. We don’t want anyone else to depend on them. We want to keep the freedom to change their type or implementation on a whim or an impulse. Why, then, do so many programmers automatically add getters and setters to their objects, exposing their private variables as if they were public?"
-Uncle Bob, Clean Code.

have to turn off notifications for devrant if I'm going to get anything done today.

Instead of “ching-chong”, russians use a different pejorative: Sung Hui V Chai Vyn Sam Pei. In russian, this translates to “put your dick in your tea, pull it out and drink it”.

Sam:- What are you doing??
Richard:- recording a baby's voice!
Sam:- why??
Richard:- when he grows up, I shall ask him what he meant by this
Sam:-😶😶😶

I never wanted to be a WordPress expert. I had WordPress expertise thrust upon me.

don't even talk to me till I've had my 100.oz of cold brewed tea.

I need to stop adding, weep uncontrollably, between tasks in my work to do list before my coworkers start thinking I'm serious.

Technically I am serious - you would be too if you had to manage the servers I inherited - but I don't want to ruin the all powerful Wizard of Oz vibe I got going.

I've read that devRant is using javascript and the likes, what I'm wondering is how one uses javascript for android apps. I know PhoneGap exists, but I also read that there is some performance issues with it. what does devRant use?

Firefox quantum is so fast... As fast as chromium/chrome was a few years ago...

Happy to be here 1st day and I'm enjoying it ,best social network ever for programmers ...been looking for such for so long and starting to get addicted.
Here I've learnt here that I need to start learning new stuff real fast.
Here I feel not alone,cos here I feel at home.
I'm Sam from Nigeria ( any Nigerian here?)