Client: Hey, you're the IT guy right?
Me: Hey, how can I help?
Client: Yeah for some reason I've lost power to my computer
Me: *Checks power, all computers are down due to a power cut*
Me: You'll have to contact your power supplier as you've lost power to all computers and lights.
Client: What, but the computers are not working right? - that's you're job not mine
Me: That's not how it works.
Client: Fix this or I'll bill you for the loss of money we've encountered during this and report this to your boss.
Me: How about I bill you for my time and advice and inform by boss that you tried to blame me for a power cut.
Client: You can try.
Me: *walks off and puts time in the ticket, requests purchasing to send an invoice*

2 Days later:
The client does not pay the invoice.
Me: (phone call) Hi, an invoice has been sent to you and we haven't received payment yet.
Client: were not paying that, you broke our power and made our computers break
Me: null

When you go to type portal.office.com and pornhub.com appears in the auto fill on a clients computer..

I created a script with power shell that notifies me before I leave the office if my train is on time or isn’t. See the comment for another image of when the service isn’t on time!

visual studio...

When you reuse code...

Just created my first program using powershell, It runs in the morning and gives me a weather forecast.

Setup?

yes love it...

When windows tries LSD for the first time

A committed developer...
(took ages to make)

just getting the bus home, thought this was pretty cool...

agree??

Similar to @Amrish 's rant, even worse..

When walking, Women swing their arms at level height as your balls, watch out.

I've learnt the hard way (no pun)

the master of code...

I leave to visit a customer and leave my iPhone charger plugged into my computer.

I come back and my colleague has my charger, the converstaion goes as follows.

Me: "Can i have my charger back?, it was plugged into my machine before i left."
Colleague: "Why do you need it?"
Me: "To charge my phone?"
Colleague: "Yeah, but i need to charge mine"
*The cable is plugged into his phone, charging*
Me: "Yeah, but its my cable, that you took"
Colleague: "Just wait until I'm done"
Me: null

What has even happened lol

Straight to the point. I love it.

very true

Will people who know nothing about IT stop pretending they know better than you

Developer: "Hey, I've just finished the vehicle script, do you mind reviewing this before i push into the master branch"
Me: "Sure!"
*hes overlooking me while i review"
Developer: "I've spent ages on this, just let me know once your done"

That's what i found lol

New switch :D

Well...

when you’re at your desk all day and haven’t moved...

When you setup your own dynamic DNS and stuff just works first time, for once..

This thing has been the life and death of me.

Nice FTP welcome message...

New switch, on a switch...

Thanks devRant <3

Thanks to @DCdave123 for buying this as a present for me, absolute legend.

TCP Keepalive. That's all, keep me alive.

the accomplice is sleeping…

windows? QR code VPN’s? (only joking)

Anyone in London knows that when there's a single drop of snow on the train tracks, the whole fucking train system collapses.

3 pints of black coffee, that normally does the trick. Don't forget the tablespoon of sugar.

happy halloween (even though it’s over 😕) 👻🎃

When people give you something related to IT and expect you to know everything about it, literally because you have an IT job.

For example; my aunt out of no where shoved me her phone and said 'here' she expects me to know her Facebook email address and password. When I say, it's your login details, I don't know them she states 'Oh well your in IT you can fit it right?'

-_-

Fuck sake