So, someone submitted a 'bug' to Mozilla.

As some of you may know, in the next year, the new mass surveillance law in the Netherlands is going into effect.

Another fun fact is that the dutch security agencies/government have their own CA (Certificate Authority) for SSL/TLS certificates.

The new law says that the AIVD (dutch NSA/GCHQ equivilant) is allowed to hack into systems through obtained certificates and also that they're allowed to INTERCEPT TRAFFIC THROUGH OBTAINED PRIVATE SSL/TLS KEYS.

So someone actually had the fucking balls to submit a fucking issue to Mozilla saying that the Dutch State certs shouldn't be accepted anymore when the new mass surveillance law gets into place.

This person deservers a fucking medal if you ask me.

*Mom shows me laptop ad of 3000 bucks with the most overkill specs ever*

Mom: "Son, will this laptop run Google?"

Me: "Do you want to surf Google or actually run Google's server?"

Mom: *looks confused*

"I also want to use Fesabook on it"

Me: *brings her a 5 year old laptop with a new ssd in it*

*has an old i3, 8gb ram and no gpu*

Mom: "This laptop is super fast! Thanks son!"

*One hour later*

*Mom calls*

"Son, I think the laptop broke"

Me: "What? What happened?"

Mom: "I pressed a button and now all the keys are lighting red" (backlit keyboard)

Me: "You can choose the color of your keyboard mom"

Mom: "Ooh! How do I make it pink?"

Me: "You can only choose between red and blue..."

Mom: "What a ripoff"

*Hangs up the phone*

My 9 year old son checks out the source code of every website he visits. If he finds something he doesn't understand, he bounces it off me. I love the snot outta that kid ❤️❤️❤️.

When you fucked up, but everything is working.

Credits to my son.

Boss: I need to demo our product but it looks smaller on my laptop.
Me: That is because you have a 1920x1080 monitor and your laptop is 1280x800
Boss: Is that something you can fix?
Me: No you will need a new laptop, but the company has a sales laptop with that resolution.
Boss: No just get the company credit card and buy me one today!
*Bosses son hears*
Bosses Son: Here take the sales laptop
Boss: Will that be quick enough
Bosses Son: It has a 8 core i7 Processor, 16GB ram and a dedicated GPU
Boss: *looks at me confused*
Me: Your demoing a web browser, that will be more then ok. But were using chrome so 16GB of ram will be pushing it.
*me and bosses son laughs*
Boss: Can we upgrade it?

My son is about to be born within the next 30 minutes!! Not such a rant just some happy news!

My son came from kindergarten with a picture he painted. And that's what I found on the backside of the paper.

Today my oldest son is 8 years old and with pizza and cake we discussed how to hack his friends tablet, star Wars vs star trek and how to hijack wifi networks when friends parents won't give password.
And he told me how to evade detection and bypass the schools filters that he figured out alone.
I feel so damn proud.

Proud dad moment:
My son just worked out how to use a firestick remote to put Thomas on TV.
He's 2.
My parents can barely work their remote without playing 20 questions.
Not long before he learns how to use bash now!

Child: Dad, why does the sun rise in the east and set in the west?
Dad: Son, it's working, don't touch it.

That time when I was wrong, the client was wrong, but my algorithm was right.

I'm proud of you son

Son: Dad, I lost my virginity.

*dad looks under bed*

Dad: I found it!

*pulls out PHP book*

You aint no dev son

Son of a bitch!

"congratulations son, you are now a certified virgin"

Hilarious dad 😑😢

My Toddler son playing cars on the keyboard, simultaneously simulating dumb user input on a website.

My sons homework:
Matt received 5 apples. He had eaten 3.
Question: how many apples left for him?
My son said 2.
NO! We don't know how many apples he has before. Remember to asaign 0 to variable!

Son: Dad why is my sister named Rose?
Dad: Because your Mom loves roses! Son: Thanks dad!
Dad: No problem, vue.js

!rant

I've always wanted to son to enjoy the the same feeling I get when I'm developing. Today my son pulled up a chair next to me and started asking questions about my code, it's safe to say I got those proud dad feels.

Feels good man, feels real good.

// family tech support

Dad: *clicks something*
Dad: *something strange happens*
Dad: Hey son, come over here. What happened?
Son: Hm.. what did u click?
Dad: I don't know. Aren't you supposed to know that? You're our computer genius.

Talking to my son today about one of his CS classes, not sure which.

He says: "I missed the lecture yesterday, but I'm not going to bother re-watching it."

Me: "Why? You really should. You're paying for these classes AND you really need to actually learn this stuff."

Son: "Well, because I got 100% on my last assignment without going to class. I just Google'd everything and figured it out on my own from what I found."

My wife out of the blue: "DAMN IT, BUT THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS IN THE REAL WORK WORLD!"

Oh, you poor, uninformed summer child. I love her, but she just doesn't know that my son has already learned the key lesson he needed to learn from his schooling in order to get a job and make good money in this field! #ProudTechieDadMoments

alias please="sudo"
please apt-get son

!rant

Fathers day today, my 6 year old passes me some presents.

First 3 opened.

Devrant cap
Devrant stressball
Devrant stickers

Yes son! (Well obviously, technically it was my wife) I assume she must have seen me on the app :)

My son: "Dad I am strong, I do judo".
Me: "Dear son I got the power,I do the sudo"

Compilation completed. Output file size: 15KB
*Adds a JSON library*
Compilation completed. Output file size: 1.4MB

SON OF A BITCH

Developed an android app for the client. It was going great. Prototype for the initial (and static) content to show to the client was on the way. All until...

*goes back in time to when we were developing the prototype*

The asshole boss: "Wow this is good, just remove the login after the splash screen. Redirect it to the dashboard immediately."

Me: "What? Why?"

TAB: "He (the CEO of our company) said that the client doesn't need to see the login."

Me: "Well, alright." (Orders are orders, better remove it)

*A few days later, we present the prototype to the CEO. He'll be the one talking to the client. TAB isn't in this meeting.*

CEO: "Where is the login screen?"

Me: *dumbfounded and confused, in silence, and pressure rising*

The Good Boss: *whispers* "Where is the login screen? I thought I told you guys it should be there."

Me: *whispers* "TAB told us to remove it."

TGB: *Looks toward CEO* "TAB told us to remove it."

CEO: "Ugh. TAB is sick."

A little giggle. Nonetheless the meeting continued. He was displeased. I was a little guilty. The login screen's code was already there. Just couldn't show it since the app doesn't redirect there anymore.

*A discussion after the meeting*

TGB: "Why'd you guys remove the login?"

Me: "You and TAB had a meeting with the CEO the other day. After the discussion TAB went to us and told us to change it."

TGB: "But the CEO said no such thing! Anyway, let's go back to the office and straighten this out tomorrow."

*The next day, TAB was in the office*

TGB: *Chatting on messenger with me* "He is completely denying it."

Me: "WHAT?"

TGB: "He said he never told you guys anything. And he is persistent. I kept telling him it was his fault, but he denies all of it. He never approached you guys to change anything."

Me: "Well yeah. I guess we magically thought to ourselves and said, 'Hey, let's remove the login screen for fun. Let's show them less content because that's how we please our clients!' -_-"

Seriously, what kind of assholefuckery is this. This shit is a whole new level. I am so TRIGGERED.

I don't really care that the meeting didn't go as planned. Just MAN UP AND ADMIT YOUR MISTAKE YOU FILTHY SON OF A GOOSE. Never listening to this asshole again. Thought he could be trusted. I will always ask my good boss next time.

"You can teach my son to code. He doesn't like typing so just use that mouse thing (track pad). He's got an idea for an app (Flappy Birds clone) that'll make millions. It needs to be done tomorrow for his school computer project."
- Boss

While helping my son with his C++ homework I noticed there was an actual shit ton of warnings in the teacher's code.

I'm beginning to think there is some merit in the maxim, "He who can does. He who cannot, teaches."

Uhheesh.

A C++ programmer "My 0th son was born yesterday!"

Whenever I need to find bugs in my product, mostly mobile applications, I give it to my 5 year old son and say "Go, do your thing!"

Who the **** mixes bright and dark themes. Never talk to me or my son again, I Fliffr

If you’re having SQL injection problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 tables but… fffffuck. Now i only have one ☹️

I feel for this family.

So, my boyfriend's phone was stolen and my Google Drive account was synced on that phone. Also noticed that someone attempted to change my Gmail account. That dimwit does not know to whom he's messing with. Huh! I'm going to hunt that son of a gun and will make his life be tormented in hell! Muhuhuhahahahaha!

My son was born 2 days ago. He is amazing. I win at life.

im a programmer.

Moms : Son, please fix my phone
Me : what the...
Moms : Cmon ur the IT guy right?

Dad : My laptop must be broken, can u fix it ?
Me : i can't..
Dad : ur degree is useless
Me : ....

Friend : hi, ur the IT guy right ? can u help me ?
Me : Sure ...
Friend : please hack my BF facebook account..
Me : *face Palm.

Employee of a customer of my company asked if anyone was available for evening lessons of the basics if linux for his son because he needs this to go to the next year.

I'm going to teach the kid the basics tomorrow for as far as possible and will be paid as well 😊

The collegue who I hang out with has resigned.. we together were known as the only Innovators of the project... Now suddenly My manager's behaviour towards has changed... He has started to treat me with real care as if Inam his son... 😂😂😂 The bastard is thinking I might resign as well 😏😏😏😏

Life story of every Dev in nutshell :

Everything is working perfectly as expected and no body congratulates Dev and no one gives a shit.

Single thing is broken and the whole universe be like : "Where the fuck is that son of a b*tch? Bring that bastard in front of me right now."

😡😡😡😡

My friend’s son :) learning fast 😅👶🏻

Got my new phone a few weeks ago, it rocks a 11000 mAh battery.

Was sceptical as for how long it'd last anyways so charged it last Sunday to see how long it will last with my usage (few hours of devRanting, loads of signalling and quite some firefoxing plus Spotify a lot):

At 40 percent now 😯

About 11 months I posted that my wife was pregnant. I now have upgraded to son 1.0. All without writing any tests!

Father: Son, you're capable of doing anything you want, you can conquer the world if you believe in your dreams.

10 years later...

Father: WTF, Python programmer? Really son?

GF away, playing with my son the whoole weekend :)

Boss asked one of our senior Linux engineers to look into an issue. When restarting a service, the person renting the server would get the errors e-mailed which occurred during the restart (it wasn't reachable so the service trying to reach it would throw errors).

Although this was very expected behavior, the client found it unacceptable! Boss asked the engineer to look into this while acknowledging that it was probably an impossible task except for if you'd just disable logging but then all debug info would be gone which we frequently use to debug stuff ourselves.

After two minutes:

E (engineer): fixed it.
V (boss): wait, WHAT? HOW?! I'VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND A FIX OR WORKAROUND FOR AGES!
E (with the mist nonchalant/serious face): I disabled the log mailing in the configuration.
B: 😶
B: .
B: .
B: .
B: 😂

Everyone was laughing. The client thanked us for 'solving' it xD

🤣🤣🤣
Somehow, my boss got his son, 19, working in a team of developers last week.
Son: i got ton of money and i dont need to do this. i inherit lot of properties from my dad.(trying to sound funny, superior, and boasting of his inheritance knowledge he might have learned in school during java class probably.)

A guy in the team: No you dont. You are like us.😎😎😎
Son: minds his own business now.

Damn that line made my day.
🤗👏👏👏👏

++ for this dude for insulting morons like this at work.
I may have to remove it on boss request if he see it. But for now hit as many ++ to show that idiot no body likes people like him.

Yesterday I was updating the code in a linux server at 23:00.
My 6 year son look the terminal while i was typing and said:
"Dad, why you always write in block letters? I can read and write also in italics."
"Dear son, you are smarter than my PC."

Slow down there son...

"Oh c'mon, my 14 yr old son can change background color of entire website and you're charging me extra for simple face detection feature?"

My dad finally lost all hope on me when I took my PC to the repair shop.

"Son, you're studying computer engineering"

"My apologies, papa"

What can I do ☹️ It wasn't booting at all.

I don't know son..😐😐

My fiancé gave me and my son this for December!! She gets me❤
🎅

Web Developer Profanity:

Dreamweaver = Motherfucker
GoDaddy = Son of a Bitch
Wix = Go Fuck Yourselves
SquareSpace = Hipster Assholes
Web.com = Piles of dogshit
ASP = Pain in the Ass.

Perfect name of a son

Client: "we need a piece of software to have our son be able to talk again"
Me: "what can your son do physically?"
Client: "He can only grip something"
Me: "well, I suppose that is possible by using Intel ACAT, some synthesizer and some switches"
Client: "Never heard of ACAT, probably some small program that nobody else heard of"
Me: "It was used by a great man called Stephen Hawking. If it worked for him, it should work for your son"
Client: "Who is Stephen Hawking?"
Me: *urge to put client in wheelchair intensifies*

My son, who is graduating soon with degrees in game programming and economics, found this. Very true.

Son of a...

"Hey Dad, what did you guys do before we all had self driving cars?"
"Well we just drove them ourselves"
"Wow, and no one died that way?"
"Haha oh no, millions of people died son"

WHAT THE FLYING FUCK WINDOWS???

You change the icon for the multi desktop button... ok fine,
*clicks*
son of a bitch now contains Bing Ads

Fuck you Windows, and Fuck me for not being able to find a linux distro that will fucking boot after install correctly, and FUCK you acer for not having linux support.

Dear son: when I ask you to stop using Netflix because I need all the network juice for a work-related call, please do close it or play a downloaded movie. Don't just turn the volume off...

A gift from my son

True story. During meeting, our manager asked us, how the data flow. Our lead programmer response, "PHP will produce Son of Jay output, and read by Javascript".

Our manager; "Hmm... Interesting"

When my brain is on turbo boost mode to complete my coding projects and my parents are like "son stop playing with your laptop, do some productive work, think of your future". 🙂🔫

Programmer's son asks his father:
Dad, why do the sun rises on the east and sets on the west ?

Father: It works ! Do not dare to touch it.

If you let me use your WiFi, I feel bad for you son.
I can see your 99 problems, and porn is definitely one!

😉😂😂😂😂

Son: Dad what's a infinite loop?
Dad: I don't know ask your mom!.
Son: Mom what's a infinite loop?
Mom: I don't know ask your dad!.
Son: Dad what's a infinite loop?
Dad: I don't know ask your mom!.
Son: Mom what's a infinite loop?
Mom: I don't know ask your dad!
........ 😒

Someone just gave this cloths to my son, and I think only me as developer that very happy about it.
🐘🐘🐘

// family tech support

Dad: *Opens Microsoft Word*
Dad: *Writes stuff*
Dad: *Saves the file as "Doc1.docx" (every time)*
Dad: Son, where did I save my file? I can't find it.

My dad said to me once: "Son, when you're older... you can become anything you want. The sky is the limit!"

So my response: "Really dad? Wow!! I want to become an astronaut!!"

My dad: "God damnit son... why don't you ever listen?! I said the SKY is the limit!!"

So now I am a very down to earth programmer.

"Well done son. Now you can be our tech support for life"

60 FULL SECONDS OF UNSKIPPABLE NISSAN AD ON SOUNDCLOUD

SON OF A MOTHERFUCKER

Me: takling to a colleague on Skype for business

My 3 year old son: what are you doing?

Me: talking on the phone

Son: that's not a phone

Me: ... That's right, it's called Skype. But its' executable is called lync.exe. It's just trying to pretend to be Skype. Repeat after me: lync

Son: lync

Me: great! Stay away from lync. It's evil!

My son loves...loves Star Wars, so when Star Wars Battlefront (on the PC) went on sale, he jumped on it.

To my shock (I'm not a big gamer), the game is filled with hackers/cheaters that are able to give themselves 'god' mode, so they can kill in one shot and take no damage.
My son (and others in the game) keeps 'reporting' them, but it looks like an issue EA is ignoring.
My son keeps asking me "You're a programmer, can't you fix the game so they can't do that?"

Good lord...I could care less about russians "hacking" our election (moronic press, doesn't even know what that means), but hacking my son's favorite game!...hmm..wonder how long it would take me to drive to EA headquarters and find that SOB dev manager in charge?
I get it, cheaters are gonna cheat, but fix your friggin' code! Aren't you embarrassed!?

Don't give me any of that "we don't know how they are doing it..." nonsense. This is devrant, not <insert media outlet you hate>.

My dad was a Novell Certified Engineer and my mom a Bachelor in Computer Systems, so I kinda admired them until one tragic day my dad suggested "Hey son why don't you make it using Access".

So today I bought the firsts lego boxes for my eldest son and gave him his first long-term addiction...
Feels SO FUCKING GREAT!!!!!!

Dad: “Hey son.. I have this new software called blablablu.."

Me: "yeah?.."

Dad: "well it's not working.. there's an error and it's not doing what I want.."

Me: "okay.. I don't know.. sorry.. I don't know that software.. I can't help you.."

Dad: "you're studying computer science... you should know what to do.."

You ****ing serious?! -.-

Fucking son of a bitch force pushed to git effectively deleting 4 hours of my work and was keeping his mouth shut for two days while pushing ontop of that bullshit during these days and completely minifiying that file I was working on to make sure that he makes my life miserable.Fuck this fucking shitty ass retarded fucker for doing this SECOND time already!

*while visiting my parents once in while*

Mom : son, help! I have a problem with my [insert technological device here]!

Me : ugh... Here we go again. *Applies physical presence near mom and said problematic device*

Mom : oh, well... It's working now! Thanks!

Me : numberOfFixes++; // ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

There's nothing like getting a angry client calling at 9am about their site being broken because their shit for brains son was messing around with my PHP.

They were legit cursing at me about how unprofessional and shit i was. Good start to the day.

I'm seeing my baby son tomorrow

I know this is not a dev joke, but I laughed so hard:

Father bought a lie detector that makes "beep" whenever somebody lies around it. The son comes home this afternoon.

Father ask him:
"So, you where at school today, right ?"
Son:"Yeah"
Detector:"Beep."
Son:"OK, OK, I was in a cinema"
Detector:"Beep."
Son:"Alright, I went for a beer with my friends."
Father:"What ?! At your age I would never touch alcohol!"
Detector: "Beep."
Mother laughs:"Ha ha ha, he really is your son!"
Detector: "Beep."

The top two:
* the laziest intern ever!! He lived 100m from the office but was always late for the daily. Even managed to forget his fucking laptop at home!! His mommy had to wake him up!!! He was so useless that I thought he was on the first year of his bachelor's degree and later the team said to me that he had finished it.

* some frat bro, got an internship thanks to daddy inside my ops team. He managed to insult everyone in his first week!!
So I had to tell his daddy, that his son will work under the office support team and will be in charge of the first level support for his branch. Daddy fired his son sorry as after two weeks!!

My wife: Oh, hacking is so cool. Can you show me?
Me: Sure. So there I needed to upload the php file, while my netcat was sitting here in the terminal waiting for incoming...
My wife: Boring, BORING.
Me: ....

(At least my 5yr son appreciates the terminal more than she: typing 'sl' or watching star wars in ASCII art.)

A bosses son started working with us today. Found out at 5pm I'm now expected to give him a lift to and from work each day because he doesn't drive. This is a boss who easily earns 5 times my wage and isn't offering anything in return. He doesn't even live close or on the way.

The music I hear while coding can describe my current mood:

Dubstep and other electronic music -> chilled and focused
Movie soundtracks -> everything I do today is working fine
Anime Openings/JPop -> in desperate need for motivation
Metal -> why is that son of a code not working?!

What kind of music do you listen to while coding?

Our youngest female proyect member has finally delivered her first son.

Now the time of dank puns about releasing, delivering and downloading has finally come 😁

My son has started learning javascript at school, but he is complaining that all the $ signs are ugly! Yep, they're teaching the kids with jquery.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry 😱😱😱

Client calls at 3AM, telling me an issue he reported which I told him was already solved in a new update hasn't been solved. He tells me that I'm lying because the issue is still there. The son of a bitch didn't even update the flicking app. Sincerely, fuck you.

My mom said her patient's son—or son in law I can't remember—is a software engineer...

Time to recruit someone into devRant! :D

One of the owners of the company I work for is teaching programming to the lady's son who cleans the office. They are poor people but with a good heart. It is so good to know that if he takes this opportunity, he could help his family in the future. This is awesome.

My 3 months old son. A very effective rubber ducky when he's not crying

Meanwhile in India:
Son: Dad, I want to be an actor.
Dad: Son, it's pronounced doctor.
I know its not tech. But in India this is funny.

My son is taking a nap and you know what that means - time to write some code!

50 years from now, this might be a conversation I have with my son and grandson"

Me: "I remember the time we had a dot matrix printer"

Son: "What's a dot matrix printer?"

Grandson: "What's a printer?"

Programmer: Son, count to 10.
4 year old son: 1,2,3..
Programmer: Stop, you are not my son.

hmm let's see
>atheist propaganda during lunch time
>fascist propaganda during lunch time
>praising the rival of the football team boss supports
>suggesting we should drink alcohol in work hours
>teaching minecraft to boss' son
>talking bad about star wars VII even though boss liked it

Dad?.. what is a super hero?
- it's an hero amongst heroes. oftentimes ordinary heroes inherit traits from super.
It's basic inheritance, son.

Why is my son learning to code at the age of 4 and I didn't start till I'd finished my degree?!

My son is remote learning, 5th grade.

When the teacher calls on one of the student's named Alexa and asks a question... some kids with Alexa devices in their house get the answer for free....

Today I visited my best friend. His little son of 6yo also loves computers and technology.

I thought it would be fun to show him some old stuff, like a floppy disk 💾

I almost peed my pants laughing when he said: "Wow cool!! You 3D-printed a save button!!" 😂

After running tests, code review, coverage test ... And your application crashes in the middle of a demo in front of your PM and your coworkers.

Coworkers : "When you try your best but you don't succeed ..." (Coldplay song)

PM : DAMN SON! WHERE'D FIND THIS ?

!rant, !dev

The wife and son are in bed.

A son asks his mom,
"Why are computers smart?"

Mom replies, "Because they listen to their motherboard" 😄

I’m 42 years old and you can't imagine how complicated it has become to get a job in Latin America, they make you feel old and disposable. But I have a son to raise and I will not rest until I find a better job.

Me: Dad, what are you doing with my facebook account

Dad: Just seeing your news feed son

Me: you don't know my password

Dad: Yes...you just logged in one of my phishing pages.

Me: But when did you learn these things?...you don't even know how to send a mail

Dad: Go, drink some gelusil son

I've had to surrender my rubber duck to my son for him to play with while bathing. This guy just got the job as a replacement :)

Son of a fucking bitch I forgot to pay the fucking internet bill and now my connection is down until the fucking payment processes.

Fucking shit I can't do a damn thing without internet bruh.

My wife wants to name our son "Jason". I suggested "JSON" but she didn't respond code 200. She's a doctor. :-/

dad to uncle: you know, my son is a programmer
uncle to me: what do you do son, as a programmer
me: catch bugs
uncle( thinking ): 🐞🐞🐝🐝
uncle: I hope you find a better job in the future!!

It boils my blood when a dev (yes, a dev) says - "Hey could you please check X, I am getting an error."

FUCKING TELL ME WHAT ERROR, YOU TROGLO-FUCKING-DYTE IDIOT SON OF A WHORE

My 10 month old foster-son just claimed my rubber duck as his own. Now I'm going to have to walk through my debugs with both of them!

- my son, can you fix the window ?
=ok dad *after a while * I installed win10 try it now.
-wtf I meant the window of my room, bring me back my lovely Xp

Bought a micro:bit for me and my son. It's awesome! He's also learning super fast. He's 7 y/o and already creating something on it. First thing i've learned him: Array starts at 0 😎

Everything in life is replaceable.

Except for a Macbook.. 😑😒

You break that s*** you're done son!

Fucking CSS the fuck you are so stubborn you fucking son of a bitch. Fuck you…....….…

School homework for my 7 year old son: "Exercise to learn to copy".

I hope the next step will be "How to use Stackoverflow".

😂😂😂😂

!rant
I just dreamed about a 6-year old kid looking for me to ask me what is a pipeline. A CPU pipeline.
I felt so happy to explain (I was that into computers when I was 11 or so) that I couldn't start, I woke up first.

Time to have a son/daughter?

Android

( SHITFUCKER FUCKING SON OF A MOTHERFUCKER ASSRIPPED BITCH)

Studio

//Today 8:41 am
Mom: Son, the printer is messed up again(for the 12th time)
Me: Mom, again I don't know whats wrong with it
Mom: but you did computers and stuff
Me: send me a picture
// I go buy the same exact model i replace it.
Mom: Son, why is it black?
Me: :/

person who didn't know the difference between JavaScript and Java, and yet somehow was a senior engineer.... Bosses Son

It came to me, a brilliant idea, a simple solution to an everyday problem and easy route to market. Great, starts looking for domains and writes down idea in full in case i forget. Later that day, picks up 12 year old son from school, tells him my great idea. He told me how shit it was and why straight away.

My dad coded in vim.

I code in VS Code.

My son will code in VS Code.

But his son, will code in vim.

After dropping my c++ book, I just gifted my python book to a store keeper, in the hope that one day may be her twelve year son will become one of us, a programmer.

The moment I told my client that I can't do the ewallet project for RM 30 which is so underpriced.

He call his son who is a lawyer to sue me for the blablabla....
.......

Son: I've done good investment in Bitcoins

Dad: What is the rate of interest in Bitcoins?

Son: There is no such thing called rate of interest in Bitcoins. Bitcoins are virtual currency. It's kind of money itself.

Dad: So you gave money and got back money? It's not called as an investment. It's called getting change!

The moment when you realize, that you have a more careful backup for your dotfiles than for the pictures of your newborn son

Today I showed my dad some of the projects I’ve been woking on, he said to me son show me something that makes money.

I had nothing.

!rant

New years resolutions:

1. Reading all 16 books on my goodreads list
2. Learn Clojure
3. Switch job to a company which appreciates my skills more
4. Be the best dad my son could wish for

They named their son "Matlab"

So the dev team got invited to a management team meeting. First order of business: Happy Birthday Betty!!! Yey!! Second on the agenda: How's you son Dylan doing at school? Yey!?!? After fucking around for 25 minutes: why are the development team here? OHH! We didn't mean to invite you, must be a mistake. WELL FUCK YOU, AND YOUR SON DYLAN AND YOUR BIRTHDAY BETTY, YOU THINK WASTING OUR FUCKING TIME IS FUN!?

opened up my laptop at the car dealership where I am chilling at rn while I wait on my car's service to be done.

I open my laptop and start working on some small fix that I had forgotten about for work.

OMG guess what? no one is looking at me doing shit in the computer because in reality no one gives a flying fuck like most of you attention whores wanna make it sound like.

No one thinks you are hacking because you opened up a terminal in public.

Bola de jotos ridiculos.

Flying to Romania with my 6 months young son for the first time!

Good moments, dad and son.

My 82 year old mother’s follow up question to family member who said her son was a moving to Atlanta, GA to be a Network Engineer.

Oh like CNN?

When she was kid her family owned a crank phone.

Dialogue when I entered the room of a co-worker, and it wasn't an individual office.

Me: YO MAMA her son bitching 'bout compiler licence?
Him: Kiss my ass!
Me: Could cram a wet roll of toilet paper down your pants.
Him: Yeah that'd come pretty close.

Other co-workers: WTF?

Putty, you son of a bitch. Why do you call the logging option "All session output" if you don't include binary zeros in the output? Zeros don't count as "all" or what?
Then call the option "All session output without zeros", that would have saved me some time and prevented handing out false data.

My son played with Asphalt 9 form 169 hours in a single day.
What enthralling game.

Imaging your Son saying this XD

Side project of today:
Build a lap timer for my son + friends for their BMX track!

Today I took my son to a C++ Meetup in north Denver, he was asked if he was going to become a developer, he said yes. Woohoo! 😃

I bless your computer, son!

Son: What's an SD card, OTG cable and sharing device?
Dad: We don't know son, we are iPhone users

Taught myself to code in the wee hours while my wife and son slept after working and finishing my actual collegiate schoolwork. I continue to learn daily and the process is pretty much the same, minus the schoolwork.

Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears.
11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

A computer? We can't afford that shit.

Later...

Here son. Mom took this from her Job, they were going to trash it anyways. Go nuts.

Sister oh here are all my dev books. I am doing something else now.

"Are ya coding son?"

Advice from my father : "Don't become a developer son"

And here I am a developer without any money and life.

Oh wait.. We supposed to write a bad advice??!

All these certifications and capabilities and years of IT experience and I find myself writing analytics against Minecraft logs for my kids's MC server to determine that my son really is being a jerk in game like my daughters claim.

The night I hooked up with your mother...son.

mom : i don't understand why my son became a nocturnal being..

father : son .. what the hell do you do entire night alone in your room with your lappy .. go get a gf or get married .. go get a life

relatives : beta (son in indian lang) my tv is not working can you fix it.. beta my internet is not working on my mobile (goddamnit turn on the mobile data for fuck sake )

While spending time with my girlfriend and son in Moscow, I tried to reach back to some recruiters on LinkedIn .. but there is no access from Russian dns!! I can't even make the app work!!

left the office early today to see my 2 years old son before he goes to bed.
it's 11pm and I'm working from home, gonna wake up around 5:30am to commute to work.
I really need to move closer to work

+13 and 666 +1, I think I am the devil's son

Always on the lookout for freelance projects but can't even make a website for dad's business.

alert("Disappointing Son");

Spends 5 days working from home at my desk.... Stressful week...

Spends weekend playing diablo 3 with son at same desk.... Relaxing...

Wife says I need to get out more.... *looks outside* raining...

If you're having CSS problems, I feel bad for you son,

I got 99 problems that I fixed with 'z-index: 100;'

My team member was struggling with his .json files, so to cheer him up, I came up with a joke;

"Don't worry, if the program doesn't work, I'll be your yaaaii son"

Windows - how can someone possible get something done?

I gave up and are now installing windows for my son so he can install a game that only exists under windows.

Did a clean install, no network drivers found. Looked under device manager and tried to find out what network card there is on his computer. Unknown device :@

Finally found the manufactures dvd, ofcourse we get some bloatware, killer network manager.

Tried to uninstall it, the drivers was also uninstalled. :O Had to install it again and do some googling and finally found some pure drivers. Uninstalled the f*** Killer software again, and then installed the pure drivers. It works :)

Then I tried the speakers ... :@

Thank god my son is in school and can't hear my language right now.

Who is the son of JavaScript?

JSon

Polymorphism (Object Oriented) explained better :

1) Father : Son, go and get Red Label.

Son : Full or Half? ..

2) Mother : Son, go and get Red Label.

Son : 100g or 250g? ..

If you're having log problems I feel bad for you, son
I've got 99 problems
in the log ain't one

In college while submitting the java application project to the teacher.....
Teacher : The project is really great son, but do tell me how does your code work.
Me :

When the CEO sends an email "start working on the project ASAP" all the METHODOLOGIES GO DOWN THE TOILET..... fuck you , you ignorant son of a bitch

Had another meeting today. The solution architect said two insulting jokes about developers like:

"The devs will nevertheless mess it up"

Devs are the ones who make chaos

This meeting was with a customer and his developer. I was just furious!

This useless son of a bitch needs to learn his lesson

Today my favorite fish died.
It was my first fish - a Betta Splendens.

My son cried, he like it because it was blue.

A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

Watch your son 😈

The moment when you realize the new intern merged a old cutout SVN branch into trunk and in effect nullified your changes..........Son of *#$ch. Why the fuck are we still using SVN

Never believe that you have the benefits of a work from home internship, with stipend; and the comfort of your home.

Indian parents be like, "Beti bachao beti padhao; beta dhaniya lao pudina lao"...

Which translates to, "Save daughters, educate daughters; son go bring dhaniya and pudina from the market"...

Dhaniya and Pudina are some vegetables, whose translation I don't know :P

Update came for the cpu thingies. Seems to be fixed because i cant access the cpu registers like before. But damn son it slows the pc down, fuck.

Thinking about switching to a ryzen3.

Me: If humans lose the ability to hear high frequency volumes as they get older, can my 4 week old son hear a dog whistle?

Doctor: No, humans can never hear that high of a frequency no matter what age they are.

Me: Trick question... dogs can't whistle.

It's just after midnight.
I have a heavy workload starting tomorrow.
Going to require lots of time away frm my wife and son.
They're all in bed, but I am awake.
My only dilemma at this point:
Work on my side project?
Or play Command And Conquer?

Windows son of a bitch, motherfucker, moron, fucking dog, sister fucker, RAM fucker, PC fucker, fucking antimalware mother fucking shit motherfucker.

What is Object oriented programming:

Father - Son, go and get Red Label
Son - 750ml or 1 ltr??
Mother - Son, go and get Red Label
Son - 500gms or 1 kg??!!

Disclaimer: I don't own this content.

BITCH THE APPLICATION WORKS PERFECTLY FINE!!! ITS NOT MY FAULT THE DATA YOU GAVE ME WAS FUCKED UP LIKE YOUR BLOODY FUCKING FACE YOU SHIT HEAD COMPUTER ILLITERATE IN THIS DAY AND AGE SON OF A BITCH

The hand of IT guy in family

My family sees me as guy who works on IT stuff. The best part is that I will have to help them whenever they encounter problem regarding electronics in daily activities.

Son! The internet is not working
Son! The printer is not working
Son! The TV is not working
Son! My phone didnt get any signals
Son! The microwave is not working
Son! The TV remote is not working
Son! Why is this whatsapp popup always appear whenever I opened it
Son! The dvd player is not working
Son! My phone wont charged
Son! I want to buy online stuff
Son! The email that ur uncle sent me cannot be opened
Son! The email that ur aunt sent me is not there
Son! Can u help me download this travelling app
Son! I opened a website and it told me that I have 163718362 virus!
Son! I forget my password of my facebook account!
Son! Some guy idk on facebook added me as his/her friends, what should i do?
....
Son! The internet is not working (again)

The fact is that, most if these problem, I helped them by just.. restarting the router, reboot the router for 1 min interval, find specific toggler in disfunctional hardware that they accidentally hit during sweeping the floor, take out the power and put it back again, show them how to's in many account/payment mechanism in apps, etc

The very best part that whenever they satisfied, whenever things back to work again, whenever they can reset the password:

"I've tried what you told me, but it just didnt work, but idk when u did it, it works! you are really an IT guy"

And i was like
🙃

After 10 years using Linux server my boss bough a new application that runs on Windows server with Apache.

It's just like when my son returns to an old play ground and finds the sand box.

P.S. Please give me a suggestion: what FTP server shall I use?

Computer just bit the dust. SON. OF. BITCH.

Solved one great issue today, one that was holding back the launching of my newest project. Laughed pretty hard when I did it, but the most special about solving it was when my dad saw the result and said "congrats son, it's perfect!"

"How do I make this AI work?"
[Debugs]

[Dirtyphonics and Sullivan King - Vantablack plays in background]

o shit here we go son

[ends up typing its lyrics while testing the chatbot]

Chatbot's response to the clusterfuck: "I don't understand"

Can I name my son JSON?

Fuck you Eclipse! Fuck you OSGi! It is only you that pisses me off like that! You filthy piece o' shit!

Fuck.

FYI: Please stop pretending you cannot find org.eclipse out of a sudden. I know that it's there and you know that too! Why? Because you found it like 30 minutes ago before my break and nothing changed since then!!

Son of bitch!

In this world where everyone is a lying son of a bitch, being truthful is hot as fuck. Be hot as fuck!

That one time I answered a question on a forum and another guy was like: "Damn son, I wish I had thought of that! Wanna hang at this code-LAN next weekend?" 😅

My 15 year old son witnessed our two male dogs licking each other's privates. My son, in some sort of shock, starts walking around the house saying "My dog is a homo sex you awl!" repeatedly (emphasis on how the syllables sounded).

I stopped him and said, "We need to talk about the birds and the birds."

That moment when github's desktop 💻 app auto-corrects "json" to "son", is just lame.

This year has been rough. No programming. 3 great job applications snuffed. Currently unemployed, and all my recent job experience in a field I don't want to continue working in due to not making my 3 career options. (Military and policing sort of thing)

So since I'm off for the holidays, and looking to really get back into computer work, I've come back to devRant. Missed you guys. <3

Now I've got to actually get good at something, and preferably employed in doing it. Any advice or stories are appreciated :D (but my mom said not to listen to strangers on the internet, so...)

Woke up this morning from a stressful week, thought fuck it and booked a nice hotel in York with a pool for me wife and son. Just enjoying yet another pint after an enjoyable day. Ready for the fan covered in shit.

A Merry Christmas to everyone here in DevRant community. I wish for you a season of goodwill, peace and happiness. May your frustrations coupled with depressions reduce! Also Happy Holidays. 😊😊😊

Doing some math with Javascript is like doing math with my six year old son.