I used to work with a guy who had 2 PH.Ds, in Computer Science and Electrical Engineering and over 600 patents but I kid you not the guy could not use the coffee machine. Now it's not like this coffee machine was as easy as a Keurig, it was some $20,000 espresso machine that took a while to figure out but I tried teaching him how to use it a few dozen times and still he couldn't get it right. It got to the point where I thought he was faking it so that others would make it for him so I offered him $500 if he could figure it out. Still nope. So for the remaining 2 years we worked together I made him coffee whenever he wanted, 2-4 times a day, and he bought me lunch everyday. Before I left the company I bought him a Keurig so that when I left he'd still have coffee.

My 9 year old son checks out the source code of every website he visits. If he finds something he doesn't understand, he bounces it off me. I love the snot outta that kid ❤️❤️❤️.

New kid came to me in my break (while I was playing LoL) saying I should start coding (he had no clue what my role within the company is).
Said that if I won't get a career in league, I could just (as if it's done in a few minutes) learn coding and make a website with thousands of users (as if that is just done like 1 2 3).
Then with a big grin on his face he proceeded to say "if you ever have some issues with making websites, I could just come to him and he can teach me the basics of Javascript, HTML, CSS and PHP".
So I said: "and who are you?"
He told me his name and what he is going to do within the company.
So I said with a big grin on my face: "Ah, so you're the new kid the boss told me about, nice to meet you, from today on, I'll be your Senior."
I then saw his big grin disappear
then with a big smile on my face I proceeded to say: "If you ever have some issues, please come to see me and I'll be happy to teach you the basics of Javascript, HTML, PHP and CSS"

Then he walked away :^)

I know that feeling, kid...

I was in school and I got bored. I opened two command prompts and did what any scammer would do.

I went to the root of the drive and did a tree. The other window is pinging google infinitely.

After a few seconds, I hear a kid say "Are you hacking the pentagon?". That guy also asked me to hack the Google Play Store. He shall forever think I'm a hacker.

So, in my spare time I run a little helper business that teaches children/teenagers how to program.

Theres a new kid that's been coming for around about a month, and I swear the kid is a programming deity.
He picked programming and more importantly developing remarkably quickly.
Long story short, I paid for him to go to a Hackathon in LA and he now has more business contacts than me.

Little fun story

About 3 years ago, my woman came gome from picking up our son from kindergarten.

She told me that she met a very nice woman - also a mom - whose man is also a dev (He is a FullStackDev, while I mainly do backend in PHP) .

She said that she invited them over for BBQ the next day.

In my mind, I was like "Fuck, now I need to listen to some wanker explaining me how great it is to be doing full stack with all the latest and greatest tools and bells and whistles why I am the fat kid using PHP"...

The BBQ-day arrived, we have met, we have talked, and we have been best friends and brothers-from-another-mother ever since.

Life is good sometimes.

*happily tapping along on my projects while commuting*

Some random kid appears, overly interested in what I'm writing, so I let him look.

Then he goes *snort* do you know why Java threw c out?

No.

*giggles* because c told Java to stop treating women like and objects.

Well, treating them like primitives is no good either.

*kid walks away*
Then I hear: mom. That man ruined my joke, he said treating women like primitives is no good.

When I was a kid, I used Dreamweaver and my mother would watch me doing things and she used to say "Oh, my dear there are lots of icons and buttons!!! How do you manage that? How do you know which one is for what purpose? You are really brilliant."

And now I use Atom IDE and she says "This looks very easy. Technology has evolved so much that you don't have to click so many buttons and just write simple lines, just as simple as writing letters and the software does the rest of the things. These softwares have done a brilliant job."

Seriously the technology has changed (and my mother too) !!!

People like this disgust me. I know one guy I worked with that bought his kid one of these, I asked him what for and he said: "there's that fortnite game everybody talks about"
Spoild brat.

Trying to teach coding to a kid:
Kid: Can you teach me XCode?
Me: No but I can teach you Swift or Objective-C
Kid: But I want to learn to code in XCode
Me: Yes you will code in XCode but I will teach you swift
Kid: My dad said that you actually know how to code but apparently not.

People are fucking idiots. Had agreed to a meeting on Monday morning at 9 with some generic startup. Agreed to listen to their pitch after they had bugged me with hundred phonecalls and emails. It happened that my kid got sick during the previous night and this being the only meeting I decided to work from home and stay with the kid. I sent an email at 2am as apologizing, canceling the meeting and proposing a new time for another day this week.

Well at 9am I get a call from reception that my guests have arrived. I call the contact and she's angry at me that I didn't show. When I asked about the email she snaps at me: I don't have time to read emails on Monday mornings.

Well I don't give a flying fuck about your shitty pitch. Go fucking peddle your shit somewhere else if you can't handle your affairs and start snapping at me. FUCK.

CS Teacher: *provides shitty code written in (I kid you FUCKING NOT) Microsoft Word, sans font*

Me: *Submits beautiful, fully working and commented code*

Half a point off because I didnt write how many points the assignment was worth at the very top of the code.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME YOU CUNT GOBBLER?! YOU JUST **HAD** TO TAKE THAT HALF A POINT OFF, DIDNT YOU? MAYBE YOU'RE INTIMIDATED BY THE FACT I DONT USE MICROSOFT WORD TO WRITE C++?? God, I hope you take a nail gun to the eye.

"Coding is solving puzzles".

I think everyone has heard that platitude. But it's not exactly right.

So I grew up in a very poor environment, a moldy building full of jobless addicts.

And in my town there was this shop where super poor parents could take their kids to borrow free toys and stuff.

So as a kid I remember being frustrated by these second hand jigsaw puzzles, because there were always a few pieces which had been teared up or chewed on, or were even completely missing.

That is what development is.

You pull in this seemingly awesome composer package, and that one super useful method is declared private, so you need to fork the whole thing.

Your coworker has built this great microservice in python, but instead of returning 404 not found, it returns 200 with json key/value saying "error": "not found".

There's a shitload of nicely designed templates for the company website, but half of them have container divs inside the components, the other half expect to be wrapped in container divs when included.

You're solving puzzles, but your peers are all brainless jigsaw-piece-chewers. They tried to mend a problem, but half way through got distracted, hungry and angry, started drooling over the task and used a hammer to fit in the remaining stuff.

Conversation with my mom the other day:

Mom - How do you use the screenshot button on the keyboard? (She has a Windows work laptop)

Me - Just press it.

Mom - I did that! It didn't do anything.

Me - Lol it's not supposed to do anything. It takes a picture of whatever is on your screen and you have to paste it somewhere like Paint to save the image.

Mom - Ohhh that's too much work. I use Snippit (or whatever the built in Windows screenshot app is called) and send it to myself in an email.
-------------------------
She takes a screenshot, pastes it in an email, and sends it to herself to save it. Hm.

Then she told me tonight that she needed to screenshot these questions in a quiz she was taking. I kid you not - she took a screenshot of 2 questions at a time, pasted them in an email that she sent to herself, and then printed the email. She did this for 40 questions so she printed out 20 emails with screenshots of quiz questions. She also printed out the 200 page manual she needs to study and deleted the pdf. Mom, seriously? What if you need to find something in that 200 page manual? It's so much easier to ctrl + F to find a specific word or phrase. Ohh it doesn't matter she says, there's an index.

Not a specifically dev related story, but absolutely rant worthy.

Today I was working from home, and my wife called me to tell me that some awful person had thrown a young cat into the dumpster at her work.

To that person - you are a scumbag. You’re lucky no one left you alone in a hot car as a kid, let alone a dumpster. Seriously, why? Why is it so hard to take it to a shelter?

Anyway - I went and bought a whole bunch of cat stuff - I grew up with cats but I’ve never had one on my own. We’re at the vet now. I think we’ll name her Curry (after Haskell Curry, and lovely spicy dishes).

Me on the train. A fucking 12 year old kid, fanboy of the iPhone X.
1. He calls it "X" (the letter). I bet he doesn't even know that it is a 10.
2. "it has only one port so you can use Bluetooth headphones". He seems like he is amazed by that. Like wtf? Guess what motherfucker you can use Bluetooth headphones even if you have a dedicated headphone jack.
3. "it has wireless charging"... Oh would you please fuck yourself you fucking donkey.
4. "it is so thin. Not like those other phones". So can somebody kick this guy or I will do it myself...

Sry gone full AlexDeLarge here...

So Last year December my cousin see's me making a basic 3D game in Unity and says he wants to do programming.

Me: No, you don't want that. Become a doctor like your parents want you two.
Him: I'll do it.
Me: Ok. If you want to suffer, i'll teach you some basic C#

Me: *Shows him basic C# code in visual studio*
Him: *Not paying attention* Cool. When can i make games?
Me: That's not how this works. Where do you intend to study?
Him: M.I.T!
Me: You better get your ass infront of that fucken computer, google and youtube the shit out of you, matter of fact i'll get you a shit bucket so you don't have to get up.
Him: I don't have to go so hard now, i'm only 16.
Me: *Facepalm* That's why you have to do this now.

...7 months later...
(Yesterday)
Me: Show me how you make a basic calculator application.
Him: I don't know how to do that, you didn't show me.
Me: *laughing*
Him: Whats so funny?
Me: You're screwed *still laughing*

Don't get me wrong. He's a smart kid. Just needs to fucken do something if he wants his goal.

I was once called in by HR because i ended an email with an exclamation mark. I kid you not. She said i was being stand-offish and it was rude.

It has been almost 4 years since i left that company but i am still quite traumatized.

To my ex manager

you left to berlin, and left me to rot

my new lead sucks, i kid you not

it was ok if I slacked off, You used to be chill

But my new lead is uptight, he's on my list to kill

I wanna run errands in work hours, is that so bad?

was doing so for years, now i lost what i had

I cant drive in peace, coz i know he'd call

so i had to cancel plans to go to the mall

its like 10 to 6 is now constant work

I hate my new lead, he is such a jerk

🦫Me a kid: I hope some day I will earn enough $ to by a cool-ass PC and play games on highest graphics presets

🤡Me an adult: I sure did earn enough $ to afford a cool-ass PC though it is a shame that I cannot find time & energy to play games

I am amazed. I witnessed (mostly heard) a 14 year old girl calm down a young adult female suffering an anxiety attack before I managed to push through people on the tram. She told her to close her eyes, breath, tell her what she smells, then open her eyes, name first thing that she sees, then look left, name first thing, etc.

This is called sensory grounding and it works. And yeah, what she did was pretty awesome but this isn't what amazed me the most. I asked where she learned that and she said "from a game about apes". And I knew exactly which game she meant. There's a title called Ancestors: The Humankind Odyssey and among many interesting mechanics there's one that puts the player in a state of anxiety when they venture into an unknown territory. The way to win that part is by analyzing surroundings by vision, hearing and the sense of smell before a panic countdown goes to zero. It's called "conquering your fear". Holly fuck, I played that and I didn't connect the dots. Are games nowadays teaching kids how to handle real life crisis? Where were those games when I was a kid??

So I teach a Lego mindstorms class to 5th graders for fun on my spare time. My other classes the kids usually seek me out for any programming questions but this one class of rambunctious boys would always say they're fine when I offered to help and then when they thought I wasn't looking would ask the male teacher or would pretend to listen to my explanation to not hurt my feelings. Finally my co worker told the guys "you know guys she went to school to program she does this for a living full time when she's not here. **room goes silent** In fact she's way better at programming then me". The whole room the boys mouths were open and one kid actually said noooo. We blew those kids minds. Most quiet day of class we've ever had after that.

My father just told me that I'm not a good programmer, because there are kids out there, who are younger than me and know more programming languages.

Besides the fact that the number of programming languages one knows has nothing to do with programming skills, I just said: "I wanna see that kid.", because I already knew his answer.

"Well, I never said there are many of these kids."

*facepalm*

Alias coworker = high school classmate

This kid wore a trench coat to school every single day and I guess he had a chronic masturbation problem because the guy was caught 3 different times IN CLASS jerking off.
Most people would catch a sexual harassment / indecent exposure / public masturbation charge, but this kid was breaking all these national math competition records and was working with a local university doing research and had a 4.5+ GPA (in high school in U.S. that's possible) so the school decided to do 2 things.

1. Not punish the kid, and in fact nothing of this was ever put on any record at all.
2. Write him a note from school administrators saying that this student can leave class whenever he would like no questions asked, and that the teacher must notify the office so they could send a security guard in order for this masturbation obsessed student to literally occupy a bathroom as his jerk off chamber uninterrupted.

So if in the past 6-7 years you've been in a high caliber university studying computer science and there was a kid in a trench coat "feeding some geese" near you, you can thank my high school.

My first hack... Back at the days when phones had disks to dial a number. I was a kid of cause, I'm not that old. I used to like to call my grans. Once, when I supposed to go to sleep already, I've found out that there is phone socket in my room (the one connected to the copper wire, that is where the word "phone line" came from).
It took me about a half of an hour to detach handset from the toy phone and about two ours to reverse engineer dialing protocol (you just need to disconnect the line sequentially corresponding number if times).
And after that I've heard my granny's voice. I was literally overwhelmed that it worked.

Today I saw a stupid kid at a hardware Facebook group saying that the Core i7 is for laptop and the Core i5 is for desktop...and the worst part is that he thinks he's right. OMG what this kids have in their heads this days...

My words to live by...

Another one got caught today, it's all over the papers. "Teenager
Arrested in Computer Crime Scandal", "Hacker Arrested after Bank Tampering"...
Damn kids. They're all alike.

But did you, in your three-piece psychology and 1950's technobrain,
ever take a look behind the eyes of the hacker? Did you ever wonder what
made him tick, what forces shaped him, what may have molded him?
I am a hacker, enter my world...
Mine is a world that begins with school... I'm smarter than most of
the other kids, this crap they teach us bores me...
Damn underachiever. They're all alike.

I'm in junior high or high school. I've listened to teachers explain
for the fifteenth time how to reduce a fraction. I understand it. "No, Ms.
Smith, I didn't show my work. I did it in my head..."
Damn kid. Probably copied it. They're all alike.

I made a discovery today. I found a computer. Wait a second, this is
cool. It does what I want it to. If it makes a mistake, it's because I
screwed it up. Not because it doesn't like me...
Or feels threatened by me...
Or thinks I'm a smart ass...
Or doesn't like teaching and shouldn't be here...
Damn kid. All he does is play games. They're all alike.

And then it happened... a door opened to a world... rushing through
the phone line like heroin through an addict's veins, an electronic pulse is
sent out, a refuge from the day-to-day incompetencies is sought... a board is
found.
"This is it... this is where I belong..."
I know everyone here... even if I've never met them, never talked to
them, may never hear from them again... I know you all...
Damn kid. Tying up the phone line again. They're all alike...

You bet your ass we're all alike... we've been spoon-fed baby food at
school when we hungered for steak... the bits of meat that you did let slip
through were pre-chewed and tasteless. We've been dominated by sadists, or
ignored by the apathetic. The few that had something to teach found us will-
ing pupils, but those few are like drops of water in the desert.

This is our world now... the world of the electron and the switch, the
beauty of the baud. We make use of a service already existing without paying
for what could be dirt-cheap if it wasn't run by profiteering gluttons, and
you call us criminals. We explore... and you call us criminals. We seek
after knowledge... and you call us criminals. We exist without skin color,
without nationality, without religious bias... and you call us criminals.
You build atomic bombs, you wage wars, you murder, cheat, and lie to us
and try to make us believe it's for our own good, yet we're the criminals.

Yes, I am a criminal. My crime is that of curiosity. My crime is
that of judging people by what they say and think, not what they look like.
My crime is that of outsmarting you, something that you will never forgive me
for.

I am a hacker, and this is my manifesto. You may stop this individual,
but you can't stop us all... after all, we're all alike.

+++The Mentor+++

RememberMe's relatives' guide to raising a kid:
1. Enroll kid in school IT course - Java/SQL.
2. Let kid be useless on Facebook all day. Kid doesn't write a line of code unless it's for exams.
3. Realize that kid need to do a project for 12th grade (final year in school).
4. Complain loudly to everyone in the vicinity.
5. Let kid choose a project waaay above her skill level.
6. Have some other relative mention that RememberMe is a "computer waala" (computer person).
7. Ask poor RememberMe to do the kid's project.
8. Use typical family blackmail ("oh you can't have that much work, do something for your family for once").

Yeah, nope. Get lost. I don't mind teaching, but I'm not doing your work for you.

I'm not really one for news, but apparently (a while ago) there was some 12 year old who taught himself to code and made his own apps and whatnot. Girlfriend informed me of this.

Just got told that I'm a useless piece of shit because Im 23 and don't develop apps and I'm not rich like this kid. Fuck man. I develop mostly server side software, and I personally fucking wrote half the shit the company uses. No one really knows, so naturally in the silent developer. Don't much care about that. But fuck, being told I'm useless because a 12 year old has more money than me really made me take one straight to the balls. Now I'm sitting here, moping, downloading android studio, and just going to prove a person wrong. I can fucking code an app, it's not that hard.

Should have just said fuck off, but I don't have the strength and effort to face flying cups anymore.

Android sdk, here I come.

So I have this best friend who is almost 10 years younger than me. (I'm turning 40 this month). He's a full stack web dev, nodejs-god, react-maniac, you name it. He fucking LIVES to code the most amazing shit I have seen to date.

I, on the other hand, am that old, little overweight PHP coder webdev with a shitload of experience in that field (17th year now), also with linux webserver administration and all the JavaScript knowledge I need in m job.

Sitting next to him and doing some fun coding sessions always makes me feel like I am that "slow, fat kid in class"... while he is the coding master.

Sitting at work (marketing agency) where I started as the new webdev 10 months ago, I still feel like the coding guru because even the web 'developers' don't know jack shit yet (coz they never had to).

It's fine, they are learning and want to learn.

All I wanna say that even though one might be seen as a senior dev by some, he might sometimes feel like a junior dev when he's around others.

Dear Customer,

I think you misunderstand the reason I sent you some documents for review.

I sent the examples to you so that you could see what your inputs produced.

I didn't send them to you so that you could fart out your mouth and about what you want like a little kid.

If there's shit on the page it is because you put that shit in the system ....

Please have someone else who is going to put a little bit of effort into this 'super important project' contact me.

Also bullet points don't work like this:

- Here I talk about a thing but
- and here I continue that thought with no context and incomplete sentences
- Also this is unrelated.
- But this is about the first bullet point again.
- Here I repeat another bullet point but I say it in a completely different way.

Well, it all started off with hardware-level programming involving jumpers and stuff like that... Then came Assembly, which was good.. B, C compilers. Finally came the interpreted languages, and that's where in my opinion the abstraction should've ended. But no, we needed more frameworks, more libraries, even more abstraction! Where does it end? As it seems to be going, I guess that users will have kid toys - no iToys! - for electronics and we'll be programming on with bloated Scratch GUI's. Nothing against Scratch, but that shit ain't proper programming anymore. God I can't wait for the future.

ABSTRACT ALL THE THINGS!!!

Oh and not to mention that all software will be governed in political correctness by some Alex SJW AI shit that became sentient. Not a single programming term will be non-offensive anymore, no matter how hard you try to not offend anyone, or God forbid - don't care about it because you just want to make something that's readable, usable and working!! Terms, UI names for buttons, heck even icons! REMOVE IT BECAUSE IT OFFENDS SOMEONE THAT I DON'T EVEN KNOW JACK SHIT ABOUT!!!

Fucking hell, the devs before write a query that pulls 30ish column for a report. When I break it down MANUALLY, since it’s a spaghetti on top of another spaghetti, you only need 6. Fuck you, did you dropped your head when you was a kid? Fuck sake, and every query is written in stored procedure even though you’re using an entity libraries

Holy shit! Apple deprecates OpenGL.
How dumb can they be? They really want to be this arrogant kid in the corner that only plays with itself, won't they?

I was interviewing a candidate for a senior UI dev position and I began to ask him stuff about closures, contexts, design patterns and others.

At some point, after failing to respond to most of the questions, the candidate looked at me and said something like: ‘I am amazed. You didn’t have a lot of toys when you were a kid. The PC was your only toy when you were a kid, right??’.

I looked at my junior colleague that was shadowing the interview and we couldn’t believe what the guy was asking. He was extremely serious and he was looking for a way to find an explanation for his failure.

Guidance counselor at school: so what field do you want to go into?

Me: computer science

GC: what does that entail?

Me: programming

GC: that's like super repetitive, right? You're a smart kid don't do that

In my head: no you mf dingle-dong. That's the job that will take your job away from you in the next 5 years

Ffs, why do people think coding and entering data into Excel are the same things?

Just had a (freshly outta college) kid ask me "but who still uses Linux, anyway?"
When I could not hold my laughter, he doubled down with "I mean, no serious company would risk everything on open source packages that they can't know who made!"
I just sent him to talk to our sysadmin and I'm still thinking "man, I should have a sick 1337 burn ready for this situation".
Can someone suggest some snarky rebuttals? Thanks!

Post world-take-over by robots plot twist.
They start neglecting their own machine learning (like how we humans neglect our education system now) and focus on training us humans (like how we spend billions on machine learning now).

-"Mom, look I've made my human kid learn the alphabets. I need one with more IQ on my next birthday please."

-"That's so nice, son. Now leave that aside and go improve your neural network for tomorrow's class. Our neighbors' son's neural network is already producing values with minimal error."

Honestly? People. For the first two years of my career I worked for an investment bank.. Basically working to make rich people richer. That, plus the technology sucked, made me change what I do.

I now work for a company that, while it doesn't cure cancer, it makes products that my friends use, my family uses, even my 1 year old son uses. And knowing I am making a difference in their life in even just a little way is worth it.

Also now that I have a family and a kid, my priorities have shifted and as much as I love coding, my family and kid will always come first now. Could I be making more at an investment bank where I worked 12 hour shifts every day? Sure. But it's not worth it to me.

when I was a kid, I got banned from stackoverflow because my question was not good enough, and from 2 low quality questions they never allowed me to post there ever again.

They're really unforgiving. Which is why I try to help n00bs on stackoverflow get that initial rep

!dev related

Wife is not pregnant......

.....we have been trying to...STAY LIKE THAT FOR A WHILE NOW and after a big scare I was really worried :v we have one kid already and that Is how we plan to stay until I start my business.

These are the best news I've had all month.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

Kid: How do you know what to use in a script?
Me: I've either used it before or look at documentation.
Kid: You're silly, I bet I know who knows everything and can tell you what the answers are!
Me: Oh? Who's that, the code creator?
Kid: Mistah Google behind my browser! Just ask him and he tells you everything he knows!

The little shit will be going places...

The concept of, "hacking" at my school is so disgustingly bloated, as it probably is everywhere else. Some kid the other day said that he had hacked cookie clicker. Friggin cookie clicker. After opening inspect element and changing some local data to get infinite cookies. And he was hacking.

I swear, if I EVER told any of these idiots about some hacking project I did with an Arduino, they would start asking me how much money I made off with in the heist.

There is one kid in particular that annoys me, his name is Matthew, and he is the most pompous little piece of crap you have ever met. Every time they talk about him, they use the word, "hack" casually in conversation. "Wow dude he's gonna HACK you now", and it really boils my gears. I mean, come on, our school password is a birthday and initials, if he got into your account, he certainly didn't do it by hacking anyone. It has gotten to the point that I can't even hear the word without wanting to lash out at them and tell them how stupid they are. Maybe I can just send them a link to this rant.

*logs out of Google on Android*
*has this persistent Google search bar on launcher which I keep on accidentally tapping*

Alright, so I'm not logged into Google to see how it goes. Kind of an experiment to see just how intertwined Android and my life are with Google. And it's going quite well actually, except for my prime apps that I can't seem to get around.

*reads Google privacy policy*
"We protect your data by keeping it secure!"
Hmm, yeah.. you and 3 letter agencies are keeping it secure and out of the hands of other individuals.. that makes sense.
Don't be evil.. unless you're the devil, right?
Fuck you, I won't login like this.

*accidentally opens Google*
*le trending results show up*

- KSI vs Logan Paul weigh-in!
- KSI vs Logan Paul Manchester!
- KSI vs Logan Paul arena fight!

*opens up NewPipe in which I am not logged in either*
- KSI vs Logan Paul!!!
- Did you see the KSI vs Logan Paul stuff yet?!

*logs back into Google straight away*
Personalized search engine.. many hate it, but boy do I fucking love it.

Tired of stereotypes. It seems that if someone uses a Mac, is posh; if someone uses Windows is a silly cunt, and if someone uses Linux ... well, it seems that's the way to go, right? Well, no.

Suddenly the world is filled with script kids who come and indirectly recriminate you that you have no idea of computer science because you use Ubuntu instead of Arch. That has happened to me with a recently graduated kid.

Really? Do you really consider yourself a good developer only because you have Arch installed and you hate Windows and Apple?
Let people use the system and development software that they prefer most (or that one that their company forces them to use).

This kids have to be more humble and focus on creating better code, help their colleagues and know how to deal with clients.

That you if you cant solve a problem on paper you can't solve it in the real world.

But seriously coding gave me a voice, I was a seriously smart kid, but I was also a dirty orphaned dropout.

Everyones worth in this world is measured on a piece of paper and mine was blank. I was just seen as some overly ambitious kid spinning fairy tales and crackpot theories because no one could understand what the ideas value was or didn't try because of my age and cv, then I taught myself to code.

All of a sudden my theories were provable and I had a way of delivering them to not just one but millions of people in a way that they could understand and interact with them.My whole life changed and the day I wrote my first program was the last day I was ever judged by a piece of paper.

I hate it how our profession became common over the last decade. We're nothing more than factory workers of todays day and age. Just take a look at petty midldle management above you all... and all underpayed and overworked devs out there... Nah, this ain't that glamorous proffesion I dreamed about as a kid.

!rant

As a kid I tried to compress one zip file 4-5 times...self praising myself that I just found the world's best idea to save hard-disk space!!! Only to realise that sometimes, I'm stupid.

!dev related whatsoever fuck off if this bothers you

Just got into a big argument with my brother in law because the little bitch was exposing my father and mother in law(which I adore) to the virus by virtue of this little shit partying every other fucking day, going out with people etc and then having my in laws pick him up etc.

I am not gonna lie, I love the kid, but this shit pisses me the fuck off, my in laws are over 60 each and I ain't about to fuck with the chances of my child's grandparents dying because some fucktard thinks partying is more important.

Been wishing for the motherfucker that would since a while now, just hope it's not this kid.

Someone saw that i didn't use mouse while typing code and asked me how do i do that and i told him that i just use vim. He didn't know what it is and i told him some things that it has a learning curve and stuff and he told me that he will definetely look into it.

Come to the dark side kid.

!Story
So I Met this kid (11 or 12) when I was younger
15or so
And he asked me what I wanted to become I said:
Programmer...
He was AMAZED by this job and INSTANTLY wanted to become one too...
So I showed him the Basis of programming with Scratch for EDU, he was pretty good and Made some "good" Games.
Then I wanted to work on my little unity Game...
So I started to Programm on my surface pro 4
He looked at me and asked:
What are you Doing? What is this?
I explained that coding isn't always Scratch and that there are MANY ways to code,
Some are like Scratch and other arent...
He FREAKED THE HELL OUT!
And was Like:
I WANTED TO LEARN CODING NOT SOME OTHER BULLSHIT LIKE SCRATCH!
I WANT TO BECOME LIK,E YOU!
We never met again...

few years back there was a corruption scandal in my country, serbia. one of the ministries paid around 25,000 euros for a website to a company that was founded few weeks before the open call. for comparrison sake average pay at the time was around 300 euros. the website it self didn t have any special features, just publishing contenet. wordpress would do the job. on a press confference, trying to defend the cost, spokesperson of the ministry said that the website was made in "cms programming language".

it community lost it! mems started immediatelly, "i am learning cms language so i could charge 25.000 per project". and then one guy got intrigued, found the login page, and typed:

username: admin
password: 12345

and got in!!!!
i kid you not!

he posted featured news on the homepage, saying hey guys your credentials probably shouldn t be admin/12345. twitter was on fire, everyone started loging in and posting shit.

and the crasiest part is that this guy was arrested and charged for cyber-crime!

My school fucking blocked duckduckgo today.

I'm not surprised, I knew this would happen eventually because this school is a prison and the administrators feel that they have to know your every fucking move.

Honestly I thought it was pretty funny too because I don't know anybody else at school using ddg, which means they probably just saw this one kid getting around being tracked and said "that damn kid." (Imagine I'm waving my finger around condescendingly like an old woman.)

It also could just be that they saw me using an unfamiliar url more than normal and assumed it was malicious or some kind of distraction. But I'm willing to bet money they just didn't like that they couldn't track me.

Technology never stops to amaze me.

I bought hdmi stick with nes emulator, connected it to power using usb on my tv directly no power adapter needed - only cable, it has 2 remote pads powered by batteries, all fits into my pocket and it has removable sdcard that I can connect to my computer and upload games.
I can go to someone’s house, bring up this little fella and we can play games together. It only took 40 years to do it.

Damn I remember playing, mario, contra or micro machines as a kid.

Spent 8+ hours playing great old games already lol.

I just need portable 60 inch tv screen or projection screen and battery that would power it for at least 8 hours and fit to my pocket and my life is complete.

Imagine you go to the bar, sit, grab a beer and play mario with random people all night.

This was a fun thing that just happened:

I was sent a timed questionnaire by a potential employer for a software engineer job. I'm like okay, I will do it on Monday (today) because that is when I will have a free minute.

Well I sit down to do the thing and I had had a few beers, because the Ballmer Peak is real to me when I have to answer bullshit programming quizzes.

Well F me right in the A, it is a 38 question true or false logic quiz. And I am no longer a college kid trying to get into grad school so I have no patience for that crap, and apparently less with a little beer in me. Long story short, there was no comment section for me to rant in so I decided to go on YouTube and watch cat videos instead.

Hey boss, I see you working saturday 11pm updating these fucking cards...

That is why you manage to "do the impossible" , get a life dude... go be with your wife and "soon to be" kid.

Damn, no wonder he always says the deadline is possible.

Best : I moved on from Dev to SecOps and got a well paid job in a small company closer to my home. With three office dogs.
Really, the dogs are the main thing there. The money is just an additional benefit.

Worst : my Dev life keeps getting less and less relevant for me. In the last two years, I started volunteering a lot (local volunteer fire department and then some), investing into several side businesses that start paying off now, generally doing as much non-dev stuff as possible.
I wanted to do this since I was a kid, I'm good at it, but I keep finding other things to do, because they're more interesting and more of a challenge.
Honestly, the one thing that keeps me in IT is sunk cost fallacy.
Hell, I'm thinking about becoming a paramedic or something, at least I'll be helping people instead of entertaining managers.

Mom and dad never really cared me being a developer claiming they did not understand what I do and used to talk down on me becoming a loser for spending too much time making video games when I was a kid.

Got depressed for a long time and stopped making games.

Brother comes drunk at 15 years old, got yelled but bc he was out partying and socializing he never got called a loser by them. Now they laugh at that experience.

But never apologized until I got a breakdown. Fb becomes big and now they want me to invent the next Facebook and telling me to be happy.

so my parents live close and my dad said his router died. I told him I had a spare. I loaded it dd-wrt on there and next time I went over there he asked about opening a port. I said I could do it for him. wouldn't let me touch it. he believes he is the computer genius and that I would brake it.

funny part is I work on servers for huge companies like Wells Fargo, Ally Bank and tons of others. I can configure a rack mount router but he doesn't trust me to touch a little crappy home linksys router lol.

no matter how smart you are they never want to admit their kid knows more about tech than they do.

Some young kid taking his first steps into compsci was being straight-up fucking harassed on SO. No one answered, instead users with really high rep just said shit like "if you tried to hang yourself with that code it'd come apart but you should check anyway" in the comments. I flagged the comments and got fucking banned from the entire Stack Exchange network. I created a new account to help the kid, posted an answer, and was banned and had my answer removed within 5 minutes.

SE can burn in hell.

Why does every kid developer have a dark theme fetish? I started programming on a Commodore 64. It was dark. It's the quality of the shit you write that defines you assholes, not the color theme of your editor.

Now that that's off my chest, some poos soul has dared to send his resume to me. One of his projects is a website that is being marked by my ENS as a phishing website. I am about to invite him for an interview, and am willing to bet his everything will be dark because he wants to impress me.

My wife left to pick up our oldest kid from school and to later buy her outfits to start ballet.

I work from home, but am still on work hours. I sit on the couch next to our baby that is sleeping.

my wife when she leaves: look, she's asleep, just bring your laptop here and try to work.
me: ok I will

(10 minutes later)
me: ok I'll get the laptop now
me: *get up, pick the laptop, sit down again*
baby: wakes the fuck up

I swear to god this thing has fucking movement sensors.

Our college has PC's with Pentium Core 2 Duo processors and 1 GB RAM. We are made to code Java on windows using default notepad and cmd. There's nothing more infuriating than that.

Me: Ma'am, can we use any IDE for our mini project or finals?

She: No kid, you can't just use that. This is code you have to write it.

Me: Wut?

A kid that went to my daughter's preschool class died (they are in the 3-4 years old range)

The parents still don't know what their kid died from some virus.

They said the kid became braindead so I'm guessing meningitis?

Meanwhile we're pretty scared, and unsure if we should keep sending our kid.

I'm very disappointed in the way the school handled this, like no quarantine, no fucking notice on our kid's book about how they're going to deal with this.

Fucking piece of shit school.

Everyone on the whatsapp group is sad, saying religious shit. Hello!!!! Can I know what this kid died from so my kids don't die too????

I feel sad for the parents and the kid but... everyone is reacting in a very stupid way to this.

Like no one's gonna even fucking ask if this kid went to class this week and potentially passed it to other kids?

Fuck this dumbass mediocre country.

First day of a week long vacation and this series of emails comes in (no I didn’t reply to any of these)

Random new QA: “Why does this 5 year old functionality behave this way?”

(10 minutes later)

QA: Okay I saw your out of office message but I really need to know why this behaves this way or else I’m opening a defect because I don’t believe it should behave this way.

Internal me: Heh that’s great kid but you didn’t make the requirements.

(Another 10 minutes pass)

QA: Defect opened, please resolve this before Wednesday.

Oh the joys of enterprise development, I guess if it’s a big enough deal they’ll actually forward it on to the people I put in my away message. I’d love to see that defect holding up the release when I get back on Monday.

Being rejected as "unprofessional" for explaining that I don't want to rush a decision 2 days before Christmas. By the guy who, I kid you not, showed their EKS credentials on screen during a recorded online interview. Kinda glad I dodged that one now that I'm looking back...

You guys ever thought about the concept that our universe might be a simulation written by some alien kid for a school project and got a C- for it?

Yeah...perhaps I should go to sleep

!rant
So the other day, my mother came to visit me after a while of not seeing each other. And one thing we used to do together was go searching through old weird junk stores. We go searching through one, and there was a box of floppy discs. I was excited, because I haven't seen one since I was a little kid. I brought it to her attention, and she said, "Wow. A floppy disc!" I laughed and read the disc aloud, "Oh man. Only 1MB." Then proceeded to laugh even more. And she said "I remember thinking 'theres no way anyone would ever take up that much space!'"
That just absolutely blows my mind haha.

So after coding the first iteration of a big project on some whack office supplied logitech keyboard I rewarded myself with a new proper keyboard that suits my character. I am as happy as a kid on Christmas :)

Vortex Race 3 Brown Cherry MX

Being asked (or more accurately made!) to travel Mon-Fri (i.e. staying away from home) for at least 2 months to a customer's site to work on a completely insane project that had no design, formal requirements, preparation or support. It was just a "friendly side project" 2 friendly managers concocted.

After some research, the project wasn't actually technically possible, but the customer wanted it so I had to try to find a solution.

The complication for me was that my wife was almost 8 months pregnant with our first kid and I made it clear I really wanted to be at home. Was left to feel I had little choice but to go. Project runs over but damnit I'm taking my 3 weeks parental leave entitlement.

Day before I'm due to go back to work, I get an email saying "You'll be travelling tomorrow for the next few weeks". At that point, I replied with the most angry work email I've ever sent and threatened that if that was the case I wouldn't be back. Plans were changed.

I ended up leaving within a couple of months anyway.

C#

Little Sister: Why is the hashtag in the wrong place?

Me: Kid, that's not a hashtag. That is a sharp. C - sharp.

It astounds me that people will actually pay thousands of dollars to come to a bootcamp and just fuck around...

Like we will spend an hour going over materials and concept and when it comes time to apply it and build something the kid next to me never knows what's going on! And then always asks me how to do it.

I tried being positive about it and be like hey if I can explain it to him...then that means I really know it!

Fast forward a couple weeks and I'm ready to strangle the kid.

He will sit on his phone playing games the whole time the lesson is going. Then when the lesson is over, put his phone down and immediately ask me how to do it...

The fuck!? Maybe if you'd just listen you'd know wtf you're doing by now you useless vapid brainless twatwaffle!

Holy shit why can't you just work. Stop talking about your kids from 9 am to 5pm with the orther person sitting next to you who clearly wants to get some work done.

Also, good on you for baking a cake and your kid saying this is the best cake. Every kid says that to your parent.

FFS, shut up and work, and let people around you work.

P.S. I need good headphones, preferably in ear wireless buds. I'm waiting for Pixel Buda 2.

When I was a kid I programmed a musical tune in QBasic (1994). It was magic. That "beep blips woin blop tuuuuu blups" coming out of the 386 builtin speaker just sounded like: "World, you are the next".

I had a job that was one big meeting for 6 months. I kid you not. We had our stand up, had another meeting that extended the stand up to discuss issues highlighted in the stand up, then we would have a scrum catch up type meeting then after that work until about 12 so an hour ish? Then a call after lunch to catch up about the work we’d done and make sure everyone was ok, then probably a backlog meeting, then likely a company wide meeting and then at about 4? Probably a meeting. I don’t know by this point I’d lost the will to live. One massive joke of a company I swear

There was a pretty big bug that I spent all day trying to pinpoint. It was getting really late, so I called it a night and went to sleep.

That night, I dreamed that I was still at the computer, debugging. I kid you not, in the dream I both found the bug and realized what the fix needed to be. In that moment, I woke up.

I ran straight to the computer down the hall, and sure enough, that was the issue and that was the fix.

Shoutout to the capabilities of the human brain.

Thanks, brain!

Classroom fuckery: I'm in a Computer Information Technology program and I usually spend the last hour of class working on code. Most of the people in this program are going into networking or security. This kid looks over and freaks out, starts yelling that I'm breaking into the school's network. I was on freecodecamp.com.

Just got a lection from my manager.
Today he sent me an email with request to change validation on one field validation from decimal(5,3) to int which will be 5 digit number. Ok i did that, I changed it on UI, changed validation, changed mappings, changed dtos, created migration files, and changed it in databse. After i did all of that I replied to his email and said that ive changed validation and adjusted it in database.

After my email here comes rage mail from manager with every fuckin important person in cc I kid you not. Manager is asking why the fuck did I change database when Ive could only use different validaton for that field on UI.

I Almost flipped fuckin table. What does validation good do if you wouldnt be able ti save that form? And form has like 150 fields. And if I left validation only everthing would fuckin break.

Sometimes i think that its better not to think.

FML

My old phone is dead forever but I'm back :-D

AND I JUST GOT AN INTERNSHIP :-DDDD I GET TO PROGRAM IN AN ACTUAL WORK ENVIRONMENT LIKE A BIG KID

AND KINDA GETTING A HOUSE THIS SUMMER I THINK?! (I have to share with my sister and her boyfriend but that means I get to cook without people interfering MOM JUST LET ME MAKE FRENCH TOAST JEEZ)

(and I'm probably like 99.9% getting kicked out of school but everything is going to be fine I hope :-s )

BUT I MIGHT GO TO *COMMUNITY COLLEGE* SOMEDAY SO EVERYTHING IS FINE :-D

My kid has a toy car he can sit on, ride and play some music by pressing a huge button. He loves it! And he loves that music.

I don't mind the music, but I do mind how loud it is. When it's playing it's VERY hard to understand what other people in the same room are saying. Now imagine that car starts playing while you're still asleep....

It can scare the shit out of someone! Not to mention it is annoying af.

So today I dug up my never-used kit of eclectronics compoents and some tools. Spent an hour or so and installed a potentiometer in that car from hell! Now I can alter its volume.

I know it's not much, but I feel as if I were an engineer :) That's a nice feeling. I like it.

Just wanted to share

Apple are annoyingly out of touch, has anyone seen the iPad Pro advert? They run the ad where a kid asks 'What is a computer?' and it boils my blood because a tablet is basically a computer. I get the point they're trying to make but assuming that 'a post-PC world is closer than you think' is a bit far fetched.
I mean are they planning on discontinuing the iMac? I don't think so. Annoying and smug ad for their touch screen computer.

Call me a spoiled Linux kid but FUCK WINDOWS UPDATE!!
It's not even the shitty deployment cycle that they have for their updates, the real cancer is the fucking update app.
First off, if you fucking piece of shit already have the audacity to load gigabytes of updates over my 0.8mbit/s connection in the background, without my goddamn consent, at least let me PAUSE the fucking download!!! I don't see why the fuck you have to block my connection, and therefore me, from the most basic things like visiting a fucking website for more than a FUCKING HOUR to load useless updates, YOU PIECE OF BLOODSTAINED SHIT, I GOT SHIT TO DO.
And it doesn't stop there, noooo: then you even have the bloody fucking nerve to FORCE ME TO INSTANTLY RESTART AND SIT THROUGH YOUR FUCKING 40 MINUTE UPDATE PROCESS WHILE IM TRYING TO WORK.. WITHOUT THE ABILIT TO DELAY THE UPDATE!!! What the fuuuck?!

It is seldom that I am this 👌 close to just dd'ing /dev/null to my windows partition. Fuck you!!

My son just flooded my apartment for the third time. Why a rant here, you would ask? Because he filled the place with water because I can't get my head out of my code, or, in this case, of a debugging session chasing a Crashlytics issue. It is an old apartment, and a previous tenant "fixed" a drainpipe on the bathroom so well that if you take a long bath, it just collapses and starts pouring water all over the place from a mesh strainer. I sent the kid to take a bath, thinking "I'll just take a look to this issue and then take him out in a few minutes". An hour and a half later...

I don't understand all this chat about misrepresented groups in tech. Why is it that this forced inclusion as reached even the tech community... Personally I have no problem working with anyone, but yeah...

...in 10 years, I never worked with a female colleague, never with a black person, never with a transgender/unicorn... But I would have absolutely no problem sharing with them... Every person Ive work with so far has been very passionate about tech and software and they sure worked their asses off to have the position they have, learning everyday and coding long hours...
If you're 'misrepresented' grab a fucking book, Google, train, fight, find your way... I never had enough money to study a degree but I loved CS so much since a kid I just made myself a fucking programmer and now I'm a white, straight, male working in IT, so fucking what.

I'm scared like a kid!
Next week , I'm getting my new medicine as a serum which is full of side effects : fever , headache , ...
And because bradicardia is one of them (several people died cause of this !) , I must be in the hospital under observation for 24h (actually 24h coding ) .

Hey i know it's stupid !
I know even if my heart stops beating i won't die in hospital (i hope so)
And i'm not a nervous guy!
I'm getting back to my code maybe that helps 😸

It's my second rant about Windows here in two days, but here we go:

Windows used to be a cool OS (and in part it still is). Yes, it's made for the end user, not power users, yes it has many flaws. But it was my gateway to computers and programming. I have fond memories of my first PC, playing around with the old win98 themes (my favorite was the baseball one!).

However, I am very disappointed now. I just had to basically force Windows 10 to stop hogging my bandwidth. It was an actual battle, with the OS simply (I kid you not) running update and other services EVEN AFTER I SPECIFICALLY DISABLED THEM. I just saw the Windows update service running, while its status was disabled. It's absurd.

Sorry Windows, but that's not what I want. I want to choose what happens on my own OS. Linux gives me exactly that, why can't you?

!rant
I just dreamed about a 6-year old kid looking for me to ask me what is a pipeline. A CPU pipeline.
I felt so happy to explain (I was that into computers when I was 11 or so) that I couldn't start, I woke up first.

Time to have a son/daughter?

I have this project I've inherited, yea I seem to do that a lot, but this damn thing, has to run in php5.4, has deprecated functions for php7 everywhere and a lot of them and there's no classes anywhere beyond some libraries.

Everything is procedural with random scripts being injected left right and center.

I kid you not,

$thisThing = true;
If(x==y)
require "path/to/some/script.php";
else
require "path/to/a/slightly/different/script.php";

If($thisThing === false){
// well it was modified in that small block about 10 different times
}

Those injected scripts then accept data from the parent scope so, looking at file X, you need to have open file A,B, E, and M to understand where variables have been initialised and what there current state could potentially be.

Basically this thing was bandaid after bandaid for feature requests with 0 refactoring.

Here I am trying to implement some basic functionality (should only take an hour or so + a bit of manual testing) but no, I'm literally at the point of hitting the delete button on the entire project and starting again.

You can't call me a "nut job" on Lync then five minutes later dump your fucking work experience kid on me so that I can "tell him what to type" and "let him do some of the work". I'm a paid technical intern, not your fucking babysitter, so maybe you should pay your own kid attention rather than let somebody else to do it to make you feel superior.

You know fuck all and have needed my help numerous times, and been sheepish every time I've known something you don't. If I helped you with something, say thank you and don't act like my presence perpetually pisses you off. Sit down and show me some respect, as I always have to you, or I'll report you to HR for being a demeaning twat. Your call.

Or perhaps I could have a word with the new Director you've been arse-licking. I'm sure he'd love to hear that you have been treating like shit the one guy who can save you from the shit show of having no idea how to do the task you've been set.

I know I'm an intern but come on, I could take your job tomorrow if I didn't have a degree to go back to. If you keep being a shit to people then one day I will actually do it!

Please, don't take this post seriously. I wrote it from anger.

I hate a lot of humans.

I was at a church today because family ties. I'm agnostic. That sums it up.

And now, I'm at a mall, and it's crowded, and I'm bumping into a lot of people with very low common sense. These fucking apes here have ZERO walk awareness. And a lot of them probably drive, which scares me.

When they make a line in a food shop, and the line gets too big, they curve the line so that the line can continue, like an L, but they leave TOO LITTLE GODDAMN SPACE TO WALK THROUGH!

There's a narrow ramp, next to some stairs, that I use to get to the nursery of the mall, but it also leads to the bathrooms. A lot of these disgusting beings use the ramp. Jesus fucking christ, USE THE SHITTIN FUCKING STAIRS.

tiday I was walking with the stroller the 9 month old which was (thank you alpha omega) sleeping.

I see one of those nice comfy couches, and there's a couple hugging in it but there's an empty spot. I come closer and it's occupied by their trash, some cups with ice cream.
I could not believe my eyes.
That shit's expensive. I would never leave shit with ice cream in my couch, and it's also a horrible gesture because it looks like you're denying it from others with your trash.

I just stared the trash down like really disappointed. They took the trash but I moved on because I was very salty at that point.

I find a seat next to a dad and his kid. I sit down, relieved. His daughter comes over, and almost yelling complains about him buying his brother.
I stared this little shit straight in her face because she could wake up my kid. She and her family was totally oblivious.

These are just minor events, but I come across a plethora of situations like this every day, like people turning on their turn lights 1/2 second before turning, or people that I meet on the street giving me fucking advice on raising kids.

That's the average mall experience. It's a place where selfful people thrive.

I shit you not, sometimes I imagine that a meteor strikes earth and while it makes me sad that all the people I consider kind will die, I orgasm at the thought of these filthy parasites just evaporating.

But then I realize that I'm being very cruel and intolerant. And feel guilty.

Sometimes I think that I should live in Japan or a similar place.
Japanese city people are very organized.
But then I remember that Japan has a suicide problem. And that it has a poverty problem. And a lot of outcasts. And that they barely have sex.
i dunno.

So I got a ring doorbell for my father in law. Of course I'm setting it up for them and their WiFi is not working, they lost the router password etc..

So Im in the middle of ... reset the router added new password new ssid new wep-key etc..

Mom in law is over my shoulder "wow you are really good at this technology stuff. You should get a job with a company".

I kid you not I have been married to her daughter for 21 years WTF 🤬

So I'm like I do work for a company. My company and I get paid much more than anyone else would pay me. That how I could take your daughter and our kids to Hawaii for vacation.😠

So I have this 13 year old cousin who's pretty determined to follow my footsteps as a developer someday. He really likes gaming and all internet stuffs. His future plans makes me happy since I may finally have a relative that is a developer. But darn it! He's kinda weird coz he still throws tanrums. One of his major tantrums(which happened again last night) is that he wants the wireless Karaoke machine to be turned off because he thinks that it's slowing down the internet. It was his sister's birthday party and the guests are partying. I've told him many times that the signal for the karaoke is different from that of the router which has nothing to do with the internet slowing down. It must be caused by q device that is updating some apps or whatever. We live in the philippines and our internet provider is quite fast but it has this stupid fair usage policy that caps our bandwidth to a minimum speed if we reach a certain amount of data usage. Since he goes to youtube everyday in 480 and 720p, I explained it to him that it was one of the causes.
Last night, I almost got triggered because I wanted him to believe about the wifi being different to that of the karaoke machine's radio and that it is not connected to the wifi and not using data. I also told him about different kinds of wireless signals which I studied as a Software Engineering student back then and yet he still doesnt believe me. And what almost triggered me is that i saw his steam client updating while watching youtube. I told him that was it. But instead of agreeing, he refused to believe me and just told me that steam is just updating and he's not downloading anything which made me think why he keeps going to youtube, because...he's not downloading. Oh God! Good luck to this kid. 😂

People who WALK on the BICYCLE LANE while literally 5 FUCKING METERS next to them is a HUGE FUCKING PEDESTRIAN LANE, TWICE AS WIDER than the FUCKING BICYCLE LANE -- ARE MENTALLY FUCKING RETARDED!!!! I WOULD FUCKING RUN OVER YOUR DUMB FUCKING SHITASS IF THERE WERE NO CAMERAS AROUND U MOTHERFUCKER!!!

EVEN WOMEN WALKING WITH A BABY STROLLER WITH A KID INSIDE, **WALK**, ON A BICYCLE LANE??? ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID???

HOW ARE PEOPLE OF THIS CALIBRE OF RETARDEDNESS, ABLE TO SURVIVE IN TODAY'S ROUGH WORLD?

AM I WAY TOO FUCKING INTELLIGENT OR ARE PEOPLE WAY TOO FUCKING STUPID?

HOW ARE YOU SO FUCKINF RETAEDED TO SEE A BICYCLE LANE WITH BICYCLES AND MOPEDS DRIVING ON IT FULL SPEED, AND THINK TO YOURSELF,

"OH WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT MAGNIFICENT PEDESTRIAN LANE 10 METERS WIDE WITH SOME PEOPLE WALKING ON IT, GUESS I'LL FUCKING TAKE THE 5 METER WIDE BICYCLE LANE WITH BICYCLES RIDING ON IT AT 50 KM/H BECAUSE MY FUCKING IQ IS BELOW 75"

The people saying that ChatGPT will replace programmers are the same ones that thought as a kid that math was useless because you have calculators

I scored a GBA sp (with Super Mario Bros 3) at my local Goodwill today for $20. I always wanted one as a kid, but I almost didn't get it cause some asshole found it first. I saw him fumble with it for a solid 3 minutes before he could get it to turn on. Finally he put the cartridge in the right way and flicked the power switch. I thought it was all over. At that point the dumbass realized it worth something but instead of buying it HE HID THE GAMEBOY AND LEFT. I wasn't going to wait for him so I bought it myself 😂.

!dev

A child's mind is fascinating.

I remember how it felt being a kid, just deliriously happy.

Things were magical, mystical and happy.

I knew the world wasn't perfect, I knew bad things happened to good people.

But a kid's mind is so powerful that it can fill in the blanks with the most cheerful and optimistic perspectives.

And at some point in my childhood I was exposed to videogames, and that kinda took me down fantasy lane even further.

I was extremely young and barely retaining any memories when I was exposed to my first console, a famicom.

I have a somewhat vivid memory of my mind being blown away for the first time by watching my brother play New Ghostbusters II for NES.

From then on, we never stopped and played several console and dos/pc games.

When I was 10, someone from the neighborhood brought in a couple of floppys with Pokemon Yellow.

"What? Pokemon? How the fuck is that even possible? This is a pc, not a gameboy".

I didn't know at the time what an emulator was, but I was super fucking stoked to be able to play that.

My dad had a 1 gb laptop from work that he didn't use, so I hoarded that shit, and I would get to bed and play nearly everyday.

The experience was surreal. I was doing pc gaming... not on a chair, on a fucking bed, and I was playing a gameboy game... on a pc.

It was so intense to me, that even after more than 2 decades of that time in my life, I still remember how it feels like.

Like, you know how you can "feel" things if you think about them? like for example if you think about the taste of chicken, you can somehow feel it for a second.

Well I have like an actual physical sensation linked to that experience but I can't explain it at all, because it's just a sensation.

I think people usually say they feel that way, for example, about the PSX (usually refered to as ps one) loading screen. I experienced that too but when I was 12, so it was not as intense (it does make me feel the fuzzies though).

I also remember other things with very high detail, like the texture of my bed cover, the weather, mom cooking, the clunky shape of the laptop, the way I carelessly stored it above a pile of magazines, etc.

I rememeber ofc how it felt looking at the game sprites, interacting with NPCs, and the goddamn fucking glorious music.

It was dreamy.

Years and years later, I grew up and I stopped living in fantasy world and became more aware of the grim aspects of life my younger self was sugarcoating.

So I tried to play pokemon again, again and again, and no matter how hard I tried to revive that euphoria, I could not never do it.

I started to get annoyed at the game.

"Come oooon, I did the tutorial already, let me skip this.
This pokemon is useless, why am I even training it.
Fuck, I'm tired of grinding"

At some point I accepted that the feeling would never return, and that it would just live in my memory.

Ironically, I can recall that memory and how it felt anytime I want to.

And I can actually still feel it, and throughtout these years, it has never wore down.

And eventually I learned how to play pokemon and enjoy it:

I read tier lists at smogon online and just catch and train the pokemons that are higher on the list, which is how i got to beat yellow in like 3 days.

(This is nothing compared to what speedrunners do, but much better than the weeks it had taken me in the past).

That served as an important lesson that when a kid plays a game, his mind is also the game at the same time, filling the blanks with its imagination.

A very similar experience happened to me with harvest moon, which is the precursor of stardew valley.

and that game is faaar more emotional: you talk to people, overtime you befriend them and they open up, you meet a girl, you marry her, have a kid

you get farm animals, you brush them, they become happy

you get attached

that game was also so powerful in me that in all naiveness I thought I wanted to be a farmer.

Eventually I grew up and hit puberty and from then on, I focused more on competitive games, like smash bros, cs and tf2.

and i dunno how to end a post so eat my fucking nuts

MARKETING IS A MENACE FOR SOCIETY and a large waste of time and resources.

Imagine that for some very stupid reason people were allowed to steal cell phones from unsuspecting victims and sell it on open market legally, tax invoices and all.

One could create a business like this. Steal some lad's brand new $600 iPhone and sell it for $280, because why not?

That is marketing. A company goes and makes a phone for lets say $180. Add in taxes, shipping and development costs, and we get to $300. Put some real nice profits on top (let's say 40%) and we get to $420.
The last 180 are the cost of marketing for society.

Today some stupid marketing conmen goosesteps into my lab and says that we must use Tensorflow and in-memory databases and multicloud redundancy and, I kid you not, "profound learning".
WE HAVE A FREAKING LOGISTICS OPS APPLICATION.
"We are putting it on the brochure, those technologies are set to sell well in our core market, and improve employer-branding" says the conmen.

A request for a feature is one thing, a request for an whole other technology because some snake-oil salesmen read the term in some clickbait rag and thinks that some starry-eyed moneyhead will pay extra because the brochure says "NOW WITH 2X MORE TECH!" is just an assault on society.

You remember that turtle game where you draw stuff? And lemmings. My dad got me playing with those at a young age. And one time I was ill as a kid, he took me into work with a briefcase full of lego, he woked away quietly while the rest of the office set doom up for me. Pretty awesome.

When I was a kid, I saw "War Games". I was awed by the power of technology and the posibility of the AI. That was the moment when I decided that I wanted to be a dev.

Went to the mall with mom the other day,

Mum: so what do you want?

Me: (pointing to stress ball) that ball

Mum: stop embarrassing us, are you a kid?

Me: they are stress balls

Mum: take a pill or exercise if you stressed

My mind: I told you not to go the mall with your, fucking kid....

devrant a ni**a really need them stress balls

Circa spring of last year, Computer Science 1

The guy sitting next to me asked me a clarifying question about what our professor was mumbling and scribbling illegibly on the board.
I start to respond, only for the professor to YELL at me in front of the class for helping him, saying that programming was a personal affair and that I should be minding myself.
He even yelled at me for helping someone that is "too stupid help themselves" and that I shouldn't worry if the person next to me doesn't get it.
I felt bad, the kid next to me felt bad, and I avoided a semester of computer science just to not have him again.

I joined (still under probation period) in a startup founded by an 18 year old.

I work after my full time job for them and thought itd be fun but the kid made a slack channel and asks for progress updates everyday and feels a bit in a haste to get the product up and running. He seems to think I will be working every weekday from the second i come back home till i sleep. I have a party today that im going to and im sure he will ask for progress updates and when I tell him im out and wont work today he’ll probably say something like “the faster we do the project the better”.

Im not sure if i should leave now while its easy or i should stay for the money ($900 a month). Like i really dont feel like tolerating a demanding kid who cant wait for his app plus id much rather be working on other things just for fun like making rust crates. but at the same time the extra money is nice.

Thoughts?

At this point, I just feel bad for my coworker.

No, I am not frustrated or angry, just feeling terribly bad for her as how difficult life must be for someone so dumb.

We are introducing a new method to track some data in our product, like total number of sign-ups, DAU, etc.

Now the implementation is already WIP and this is known to all.

The dev has documented the approach where he has mapped the screen name, a screenshot, and a snippet of the schema that tracks that particular screen.

I kid you not guys, this coworker somehow landed on that document and started some scientific study to try and extract data.

Yes, she looked at the schema screenshot and spent like few hours trying to decode it to figure out the sign-ups and DAU.

Data via a screenshot in a document. I can't even express it.

And then texts me in panic mode that she isn't able to access the data because the file is . jpeg within a document.

I asked where is she executing the schema, because I thought she is joking initially. She said she doesn't know and asked me where she should execute it.

My mind is numb. Life must be real hard when you are so fucking dumb.

A few days ago, I went to a job interview where the recruiter (boss) expected me to fill a position that normally pays $30 an hour elsewhere for $10 an hour. As if that wasn't enough, he acted like he was being very generous with the $10 an hour because I'm a college kid. Smh.

I just remembered that when I was a kid, it was really popular to make personal websites with those simple website builders. Wanna know the funny thing? My parents wouldn't let me build my own website. Well look what I'm doing with my life now mom 😂

This kid on the tape is me. I'm not even two years old there and I'm already messing around with wires.

Five minutes later on that tape I figured out how to turn the vacuum cleaner on and tried to tie it to the cassette deck.

No wonder why I'm a programmer now 😂

!Rant

I hope that my daughter takes an interest in STEM stuff. I’m going to introduce it early on for her. (She’s only 9 months old right now) but I’m admittedly nervous that she won’t have a hyper curious nature as she grows up. I was always super curious about learning about how things work, even though my parents never gave two thoughts about it. I don’t think that being curious and wanting to explore the inter-workings of stuff is learned so I’m just hoping she is a curious little-shit like I was as a kid hahaha.

Since I was a kid, I always thought that my dream was to be a Computer Engineer.

As a Engineering Student, my dream is to have a 8h+ night sleep.

I have that desire (which is with me since I was kid) to build a drone (Quad-copter) and control it with my hand gestures.

So, I decided to start with it in my spare time, I am planning to buy a Raspberry PI and other materials to build the drone, and create a Gesture Recognizer app using OpenCV.

Wish me some luck !

I was so annoyed by my acne over the past few years that today I went and got the entire area of my facial skin blasted with laser. Now, a several microns thin veneer, containing all that ugly pore openings, is removed.

Isotretinoin, benzoylperoxid, all failed. But I'm not afraid of trying newer methods. Now, serums will be used to grow new skin differently than it might have grown back on its own.

When it grows back, another laser will be used to destroy sebaceous glands. Blackheads and bumps will be physically impossible. A new skin. Even. Glowing. Artificial. Absolutely flawless, absolutely perfect. What a nice reflection of my vision on every thing I make.

When god was sitting in its room, chewing on a donut and designing the world we live in, he never thought much of humans. He got bored and went for a smoke with other gods of other worlds. Little did he know, there was a knock on his door, and a consequential rush of anxiety in realization that it was no fellow god friend, but a human. A human of the generation that figured out Theory of Everything, CRISPR and immortality. Desperate, dirty apes dared to trick silicon sand into thinking, and now they're there, not to talk, but to kill him, a privileged astral plane kid who fell short of those apes who figured everything out on their own.

Disease is natural. Death is natural.

Eternal things are artificial.

This freelancer postponed the interview due to an air strike. 😮

We were hiring for a game we were building and Kyiv Ukraine has by far the best animators and developers. I love hiring those folks.

We had a job posted on upwork and we scheduled to meet with this team, and I kid you not, they had to postpone the interview because they were fleeing the city. We were worried this was going to happen and they reassured us it's all good. But they sent a message a day later and said they unfortunately have to postpone because their lead designer is actively fleeing to other cities and doesn't have internet. During the interview they said they saw parts of the city that were being attacked.

I don't know how true this was or if it was just a tactic for us to hire them. But they ultimately didn't fit our art style we were looking for.

Pretty bonkers.

So one of my teachers is forcing us to make a website for a project and she really has to learn what she's talking about before she says one more thing coz I finna slap her.

So she was telling us how to embed an interactive Google map to out weebly (kill me), and she, I kid you not, said this while copying the embed thing: "So guys, this is actually like you're coding so that's cool". I know it was just one small comment, but it made me so mad that:

She used the verb, "coding",
She thinks that HTML is a programming language,
And that she thinks copying and pasting is coding.

Well, okay, that last one may be correct on her part.

Most succesful project was around this time last year.

A scary club of privacy haters made a 'webapp' to advise people what to vote for in the national elections.

The tool was really bad in multiple ways. For instance, if two parties would score the same amount of points, one would, at random take second place without conveying this to the user.

Oh and it also collected all the data people entered "for scientific purposes". A very sketchy practice, a non profit, funded by the government and George Soros (I kid you not, illuminatie confirmed ;) ).

The tool had this disclaimer on the bottom, saying this webapp needs cookies to function. So that triggered me to make a copy of the tool that works better and ... offline, and without cookies. You could download a html file and turn of your wifi (for the paranoid ppl among us), use the tool, delete the file. No trace.

It was a little bit of tung and cheek project, a gimick, the original was called stemwijzer, mine was called offline stemwijzer.

It was a one day build and a day after launching I got a call of the original stemwijzer project leader. Demanding to take the thing offline for infringing copyright (yeah sort of was). I tried to explain him why I made this and why privacy for such things should be held in high regard. He basicly told me I was talking shit and did not want to discuss, I told him I don't take stuff offline because of phone calls. I told him to email me a seist and desist.

So that guy prolly had a stressful day (because of the launch of his tool), had a few glasses of wine, and wrote an email. He wrote me I was a pathtic kid and I should do more useful stuff. He wrote that anyone could program a tool like that. And he wrote me I should do him a favour not share this email with my measly amount of twitter followers. Super professional email.

So I did him that favour, I did not share it with my twitter followers, I shared it with one of the largest political blogs in the country.

My tool sort of took of after that. To stop infringing copy right I changed the name and I removed their content from the script and wrote instructions on how to copy and paste in the json content yourself and "make your own tool".

The response was great, people actually emailed me job offers and I think that the current job I have is due to the succes of said project. So be balsy, challenge giants, start riots, it will get you places.

I remember being a kid interested in HTML :') Maybe I can rescue that kid inside me hahaha

I haven't really known what to post. But I've decided not to care about being relevant or care about the like count. I'm a very competitive person so things like like count tend to effect the way I see the quality of a post.

I want devRant to be a place where I can be honest and feel safe even if I don't get the validation I sometimes wish I had. And hey maybe someone will think my opinions or thoughts are interesting.

So let's start with a little about me. I'm a 17 year old kid that loves programming. I work full time as a full stack web developer and I'm really the only web person. The current system is built on WordPress because of fucking course it is. I don't like it but I gotta keep it user friendly for less techy people to manage. No one likes have all minor changes and tweaks having to go through one person when they could do it themselves. So I manage.

I'd say my passion is more backend development but I do love having a pretty UI to display the results.

I've struggled with mental health the past few years but I'm doing much better. Even just last week I had an anxiety attack during a social event. I came here for the community and I do enjoy it, but I'm gonna try to make it an outlet. My best friend went off to university and I don't really have any IRL friends I can just be me around.

I don't have anything special to say. But if you read this thank you for listening to some random kid on the internet. I hope you have a great day.

So, I wasn't invited to the caffeine-and-sugar-back-patting orgy (4+ hour meeting, I kid you not), despite the fact I've poured a shitastical amount of time and energy into the stuff they were talking about, and I actually accomplished a lot of useful stuff too (not that they would know, most (including the boss) have shown little to no interest)...

Telling it like it is, which I did at previous occasions, would probably have ruined all the positive energy.

Oh, am I glad I'm quitting (I got a new, better job at a company that seems to know what they're doing).

Taking a class in school where we are learning C++. The kid sitting next to me never listens. Had a couple of errors, added a few cout lines in which he put "count" instead of cout and ended up with 108 errors. That class is going to be so difficult for him..

Yes this is a rant about parents and work but I don't care!

So looks like my parents are going to kick me out because I don't have a full time job and according to them, I'm not looking...

I currently work in retail and have for the past 5 years and started working day 1 that I could have, been applying for IT positions when I'm one of the highest qualified on my area but get turned down so they can pay a teenager half the amount, apply for big retail chains that are "always hiring" like Coles, woolies and Kmart, get turned fucking down.

Don't qualify for government assistance as I'm just out of the earnings bracket, can't afford my own places, don't have my licence yet so I'm fucked...

But hey, atleast my parents will be rid of me and just dis-own me like my middle brother until I have a kid or they need tech support.

Why is getting work so fucking hard when you're qualified, I'm willing to even be a call centre guy but as soon as job possibilities come up I get fucked over time and time again -,-

Why everyone is happy about Google clip? It's the single most scary instance of a big brother appliance that exists today. What are they going to do with the data? They say it's save memories of your kid or your dog. There's already something like that. It's called a brain and paying attention to your damn life. I don't want to be saved in your shitty memories just bc you are so insecure about remembering your fuck*ng memories.

I'm sorry for the outburst but that sh*t is solving a problem nobody had and it's getting applauded like those heaven's gate motherf*ckrs that say that life is improved by these shitty beliefs.

There was a kid in my programming class that was convinced that in the next 10 years ai would become self aware and seek for the destruction of its creators.

I wasted 20 minutes of my life trying to explain down how ai sentience would have to be an intentional decision by the group creating the ai

Of course, he spun around and tried to explain how secret government organizations are already working on general intelligence that would run on quantum computers to shut down enemy governments.

Maybe with people willing to believe anything the world is doomed after all :/

Rant about how I kept getting in my own way as a kid.

Being a perfectionist to me means that you obsess over the mistakes and ignore the things you did well. So when I did find the mistake in my CV, I got so upset that I spent the day rewriting it, cursing myself for not being thorough and deciding this was the reason I got so many rejections.
5'o'clock came and only then did I realise I had missed every email in my inbox, ignored every interview.

I guess obsession is just self-sabotage in disguise.

The everything is Data science craze trend.

Honestly it's not even sustainable with every kid and their grandmother wanting to be data scientists because it's a 'passion' and a 'dream job' and all of that click bait stuff.

It's just become ridiculous at this point and I doubt we'll even have the long awaited 'breakthroughs' people have been talking about for so long.

Also I have a strong feeling everyone thinks it's their 'passion' because it tops the lists of highest paid jobs out there and everyone thinks with 3 months of training they're a fully fledged data scientist because some Python or R package implements all the algorithms he could ever think of using.

Add to that the fact that most advertised data science jobs are actually data engineering where you maintain a date store and that's it.

Agree or disagree that's my piece and if you can convince me otherwise I'll be surprised because I've been subscribed to this idea for so long that it lost me some real good opportunities because I thought it was just what I was meant to be doing which turned to be false after I thought about it. There's a million other jobs that are more impactful and with pursuing.

My biggest dev regret was that I've followed other people's dream.
I lost precious time into trying being the "good kid" for my family and support them in their time of need.
Now I'm considered old for a starter and getting a dev job becomes harder with each passing day.

Remember that kid with the dual Xeon, Nvidia Titan X SLI and 64GB of RAM, that he uses just to compile Gentoo and run bspwm on it?

Looks like he's designed a car now.

I almost died of hypothermia as a kid. My drunk grandpa went out to drink even more with his friends, forgetting about me and leaving the stroller with me sleeping out there on the street. It was negative forty-two degrees Celsius. I was one year old.
I made it, but developed an awful pneumonia. By some kind of miracle, I made it again, but at the expense of becoming a really weak kid. I had two more pneumonias during high school, plus one case of sinusitis.
Told my grandma I got ear pain in the morning. We went to our local clinic. The doctor there said I have to be hospitalized RIGHT NOW, otherwise it might turn into a life-threatening meningitis. By the time we’re in the hospital, the pain is already unbearable. My vision becomes blurry and dark, I hear my pulse in my head, I lose the sense of time. At that point I’m laying on the hospital bed, motionless, quietly sobbing while the terrible pain is swallowing me, a tiny kid, whole.
I’ll never forget the sound of a sinusitis needle crushing through a porous bone inside my head. A glass worth of pus rushing out. The pain immediately going away.
All that because of one man addicted to alcohol. This is why I don’t drink.

As a kid (in the 90s) I used to get a reoccurring nightmare that my family computer would get a blue screen of death and start screaming at me.

Legit hated computers as a kid because of that.

Started teaching my 4 yr old daughter basics of instructions. My drawing room has 2x2 feet tiles. I block some tiles by keeping some object in that. There is a target. My kid has to tell me to turn, go right, left, straight, back to reach target n avoid blocked tiles. We have a good fun time n she is picking up fast :)

So flashing microcontrollers gets kinda annoying when you have to simultaneously fight Windows defender's urge to flag the flashing software as Trojan every 30 seconds like a 10 year old kid with ADHD that just discovered coffee.

It doesn't get easier when suddenly only one of three USB ports recognises thumb drives with the current Windows version, and only after two reboots.

Maybe I should just run it in a VM like the three remaining QA testers at Microsoft do, but on the other hand I don't really like the idea of flashing firmware from a VM. Just feels even dirtier.

I still remember developing my personal website using Microsoft FrontPage when I was a young kid. At that time I saw Microsoft Visual Basic on programs list too but don't even bother to click on it.

If only I clicked on it.

So ever since I was a kid I've been terrified of being submerged in water. A couple times I've gone up to my friend's dad's lake house, and the most I've done there is like put my foot in the water before I got scared.

But today I was at a coworker's grad party, and they had a pool in the yard, and he convinced me to get in. His words were "get in or I'll throw you in", and that got me right in there. It scared the FUCK out of me, but I did it. After that everyone was splashing water all over me, trying to get my hair wet.

Overall, great time, but I'm still scared of being like fully submerged.

yo canada WHAT THE FUCK
that kid who asked me for help
the ministry or w/e got back to me
"we cannot help this child as their abusers were deemed untouchable"

FUCK DO YOU MEAN UNTOUCHABLE

just had to jump through ALL THE HOOPS to get a kid some help in Canada from the US. I can't believe the bullshit involved in reporting child abuse when the victim's in another country... why is there no standard for that? Why does Canada have IP and phone number filters for reporting abuse? Long-distance abuse reports do happen, it's not unheard of at all, so why the fuck would you actively prevent that?

I was reluctant to try out flutter earlier on because of claims online stating that hybrid frameworks aren't there yet. That's one hell of a crap!
I fell in love with flutter after completing my first flutter app. Shit was just too easy. So many helpful libraries which has eased my overall workload lately.
We built a Native Android app which took 2months+ to complete and I just finished porting it to flutter for iOS and Android in 3 weeks. Boss was happy, Client was happy, I am freaking joyous, everybody is happy!

From the mouth of a Native Android Dev with over 5yr of exp. This shit called flutter is worthy of all the hype. I fucking kid you not!

I don't know about the past... I assume it was shitty then cus I also blasted it based on git issues but now it seems even more faster to build production worthy apps than anything I've encountered.

I just discovered that the school my toddler goes to has a policy where they have a meeting with you if your kid gets there late 3 times.

I'm fine with something like 5, but 3!!!!
Jesus fucking christ, she's 4!

The amount of effort I have to put to awake, bathe, dress and feed this kid is unholy, and the time it takes can fluctuate.

My colleague can be so fucking annoying I’m close to snapping. It’s morning, I just got it, didn’t have any coffee yet and he asks me “what did you do while I was gone?” (He was away sick a few days). So I start explaining to him the code changes we did and he takes it as an opportunity to interrupt me and ask more questions during my explanation. Mostly because he thinks it’s amusing. I continue explaining not giving in to his shit and he continues interrupting me and tries to make other team members laugh at his stupid face. No one does. I finally tell him to shut up and listen and he does.

It’s like having a kid run around, focusing on every sound other than what is important and trying to be funny when all that’s happening is everyone thinking he’s and asshole that should shut the fuck up. ARGH!!! So annoying.

I only wish that my agile team comes up with the task breakup and documents the implementation approach to our project, as good as this kid did, while panning for a party!

img source: reddit

Building sites for friends as a favor. You’d think I’d have learned by now that this is an eventual friendship killer. And if the site isn’t the friendship killer, when a friendship goes bad, the site becomes like a kid in a custody dispute. In my case, I’m happy to turn the kid over, but you gotta pay attention to what I tell you about him because when he misbehaves, you’re not gonna want to seek me out for a solution.

Probably when I heard about (as it was then) this new fangled "internet" thing going around.

Suddenly computers weren't isolated individuals, or networks, but had the power to talk to *other* computers as well, and exchange information with each other, and then take decisions and action based on that information - even talking to other computers in turn!

The potential for what this could do blew my mind a bit as a kid - and I'm not sure anyone, myself included, even then understood anywhere close to what the full impact would be in a few decades time.

When I was a kid I loved Microsoft because they built that thingy that I could play my computer games on. I learned how to reinstall the magical but fragile Windows out of necessity, instantly promoting me to the position of the family's computer whizz-kid.

Now I just see them as one of many shady international mega corporations who on behalf of their shareholders best interest (oh the irony) are fighting to gain power so that they one day may own the planet and basically rule over everything (yess, stocks reach all time high!)

Me: Professor could you please see my code i have a doubt about it.

Professor: Wait a second.

In the mean time my HP laptop that was from 2006, and this story happen 2 years ago, overheated and shutdown. Remember that i was coding in it.

Professor: Ok let's see the code.

Me: I can't show the code now since my pc overheated and shutdown, and now i have to wait him to cooldown to turn it off.

Professor: Your laptop remember when i was a kid and we had thoose old TV where we had to wait for it to heat before we could see any image.

Well thanks HP for your old laptops that heated more than my hoven.

So here I am going over the list of papers I need to read before I start working on my PhD project, and some of the papers are seriously MEH. I take a look at one of the video submissions, and of course to prove their fairly weak point, they rendered women jumping with their cleavage out and with skirts short enough to see their underwear.
I just started and I already feel like I want to puke all over these intellectuals, like that kid in the Korn video.

I always wanted to be an airforce pilot since I was a kid. Then snes came, spent a great deal of hours playing so many games. I got curious on how they were created and although I did it, I always wondered why people blow on cartridges if the game won't start. Fast forward to CS, Diablo 3, Red alert. I was fascinated whenever I type something on the console and something happened, that got me excited. Add that I was using wordstar and programming HTML/CSS in school when I was just 10-11. When I turned 12, I was programming using Borland C++. It just snowballed from there, curiosity and a series of my programs working made me focus a lot of my time talking to computers (especially when I built robots using lego mindstorms). While my classmates were having a hard tim deciding what course to take in college, I was already certain since I was just a sophomore in high school. I will write and talk to computers until I wear thick glasses.

So there it is, my dev story. Apologies for a lengthy post. 😀

my mom thinks designing something with photoshop or illustrator is easy asf, like after 15-20 mins its done. yeah, sure if u want it to not look as good as it can be when you do it 2 or 3 hours. when i design, i dedicate time for it cause believe it or not, when it comes to that, i want everything to be perfect. up to the last 2 object being perfectly aligned to one another.

she wants me to design something for her and be finished in a few minutes and i rejected her because i still have loads of stuff to do. i wouldnt go to university at 9am just to do them if they weren't that important. and now i look like im the bad kid who doesnt wanna help her mom out ughhh irritating asf, its like reverse psychology.

==> I NEED A STRESSBALL RN <==

This is probably not a popular comment, but here are the reasons I sometimes do not like working from home.

- if I don't get food, the kid starve
- if there's a meeting, the kid decides to play piano
- I have to watch delivered food that needs refrigerated to rot, while I really want to focus on that mudafukin bug
- if misus is not sleeping during the day, there is a 50% chance I smell something burnt in the house

Feel free to add to this list

I was suggested as a kid to “avoid using too much “uh”s and “umm”s while speaking, especially if giving a speech. It sounds bad.” And I agree.

But now, I see, that people generally don’t fucking care about how they speak. Almost every video on the internet (especially the teaching videos) is full of bloody “uh”s and “umm”s.

It’s okay once or twice, if someone genuinely forgets about something. But why the fuck is it becoming part of people’s way of speaking?

Ruins the whole experience of a video. Even if the video’s contents are actually good.

Pause if you want to, but stop the fucking moaning!

Group assignment in a software engineering class. Got that notorious lazy kid in my group of four who failed the class in the last term. I was perfectly aware of his reputation, but accepted him in the group nonetheless, because he already knows what needs to be done in the class.

He started to work on his assignment: mostly boilerplate code that didn't even build. He didn't even bother to fix it. I had a lot of time over the Easter weekend, so I decided to just code as much for the assignment as possible for the mid-term submission. I replaced his broken boilerplate stuff with a working solution. I told the others in the group chat about it. Code works and builds, test coverage is high. Everything is fine.

The lazy kid replied to the group chat, that if I'd wanted to code and document(!) everything on my own, I should have told him in the first place. Also got that "fuck off" emoji in the message. So I restored his broken boilerplate stuff using git, even fixed the build errors and told him to explain to me what he tried to achieve, and that I'd be happy to include his code as soon as it worked. Didn't hear anything since. Commits neither.

I guess he was just looking for an excuse for not doing additional work in the project.

It's fascinating to see C# mentioned as a "lower level language" now days. Times change.

C# was my first language when I started out learning about programming as a kid (I still think it's a great language) and I remember searching the forums for information about any commercial games written with it hoping it was possible to build something "cool" and "3D". Back then that was pretty much just a dream, or so it seemed. C# was, I understood, way too high level for anything like that.

Today it wouldn't be totally baseless to call C# the game dev industry standard.

I want to get into a job that I can sustain mentally while I raise a kid.

There are days when reading a book to a toddler after work is too mentally straining. How is it going to be when he wants help with school?

When I was a bord 12 year old I stumbled across a site called Codecademy and being the bored kid I was I decided to sign up and try a tutorial. I opened up the HTML tutorial and typed <p>Hello World</p> and I was just amazed that I could tell a computer how to do that. From that point on I was hooked

Being a parent I've come to the conclusion that my "career" isn't a priority, my kid is.

Thats also because I'm at a position wherein i know that even with a non 100% effort towards work i can still get substantial results

I've been thinking now that I've come to this conclusion, would i want to raise my child in a way that she herself comes to a similar conclusion eventually. As in follow a career path, grow, become a parent and realise your priorities aren't the ones you always thought they were.

Or should I raise her to be focused on life and not try to make a mark in the world.. by focusing on the little things and not the grand picture.

Parents only comments are suggested here

In highschool, I was looking around for schools and universities at which I would start my student career. I went to a grad school one day, to see what it was like to be a student there. The first class I visited was programming for embedded systems. We got the assignment to write Java code to control a boom barrier. The teacher had written the template. And I kid you not, the template had a method of around 20 lines of code - without comments - with the purpose of carrying out a logical OR operation. An operation that literally can be done using an operator in Java: |

Why oh why do they let these people teach, with the result that the students will get used to these bad practises...

Had my junior test at work yesterday, and...oh boy. I don't think I've ever been so stressed in my life.

>inb4 "welcome to the real world kid"

Yeah yeah I know but god damn, this was too much. I heard from seniors that you get used to everyday stress, it comes with the job, but junior test ( aka "stress test") is the breaking point for most "new" arrivals.

The test itself tho is not even that hard. Dealing with so much stress and time pressure for the first time is what gets you. Not knowing what happens if you don't pass certainly doesn't help.

I broke down at one point and even after finishing, going home (got no sleep) and coming back today, that feeling of hopelessness is still there.

No real point to this rant, I just needed to vent

You can't keep doing this! You can't keep doing shitty things and then feel bad about yourself like that makes it okay! You need to be better!'
...
You are all the things that are wrong with you. It's not the alcohol or the drugs or any of the shitty things that happened to you in your career or when you were a kid, it's you! Alright? It's you. ...Fuck, man. What else is there to say?'

Chrome's that kid who used to come over to your house growing up, who would raid your pantry and eat all of your food.

And here's that app.css single file that my predecessor left for entire project. It's the second work he left a treat for me.

Kill me please.

Btw the code looks like it's been written by a second grade kid...

The word, "Code" being used as a verb,
"Cloud",
'Big Data",
Recruiters,
Scratch,
Any other crappy "Teach your kid to code!" Product,
And finally, mondays.

This is the comprehensive list of buzzwords and things in general that make me want to die right now

Fiddling with the UiPath RPA tool. What the fuck is this monster?

So, you create apps by drawing a flowchart, like some kid using Scratch. Then, suddenly, you have to create a .NET object just to get a random number!

Who the fuck is the target audience that can create objects, call a directory read function, etc, but can't write a loop?! Show me that fucking person.

Then I have to debug the fucking selectors when they don't work correct. All this requires is understanding how UIs are structured under the hood. So, you know that a menu bar is a window, but you need to draw a fucking if statement?!

And how would you debug and manage this monstrosity?

It like we learned nothing from all the Excel apps we build for decades.

I mean, it's an impressive app. But, why does it exist?

Someone needs to stop this before it gets out into the wild or we'll all be debugging flowchart a created by business analysts.

You have been warned. Join the fight or accept the consequences.

*tentatively watching movie*
Some family standing in front of a house.
Kid asks: dad, what is this?
Dad: homepage
Me: ??

It took me way to long to realize that the kids name is Paige and the place is their new house. I hate it when that happens.

I estimate by guessing how long it will take me to code then multiply it by 3 and round up to the whole unit.

10-30min work = 1 day
2 day work = 1wk
1wk work = 2-3wks
1month = 3 months

If only I didn't have to deal with other people that take forever....

That and I feel lately whenever my boss ask me for a "quick" change or feature... I literally have to go "down boy down, stop thinking your in a candy store" like he's a little kid.

wizz kid at work has been working as the lead of our 2 man project for a few weeks.

my first time doing oop back end programming.

he has now pissed off for a week and i found that he made changes directly to the demo version without pushing to bit bucket.

now I have a demo version that is going out with God knows what changes, and a repository version that I can't merge. why?

Me: I am feeling pretty good. I am at home where it's cold, watching tv with my kid and gonna wait for my wife to get here so that I can go to the gym!

My stomach: FUCK U NIUKKA *PAIN/NAUSEA/MOREFUCKING PAIN*

If organs would just grow on trees i would have snapped this fucking asshole from my stomach a longass fucking time ago.

Somebody has to say it.

React is a lot more trouble that it's worth and has fewer good ideas than people give it credit for. It's a great tool for any other context that's not the browser, and the only reason its the new cool kid in town is because Facebook made it so, and because x-rays went nowhere.

It's been a long time since I've felt the need to rant about anything here. This is the only appropriate place other than Reddit I can think for for now.

Why the ever-living FUCK does every 'entry-level' tech job, even fucking DESKTOP SUPPORT, require more experience than the fucking DEVELOPER AND ENGINEER OF THE INITIAL SYSTEM COULD POSSIBLY HAVE?! I'm a fucking high school kid trying to find a decent job that doesn't involve sales bullshit, because if I go into sales I'll want to KMS. Put me in a back room fixing shit, monitoring shit, better yet scripting shit or something like that and I'll be FUCKING PEACHY. I will do wonders. But no, these people must think that my resume (WHICH IS 3-YEARS STACKED WITH INTERNSHIPS ***IN TECHNOLOGY***) is bullshit. WOW.

Fuck this. I'm sick of looking for these shitty jobs that'll make me want to jump off of a bridge into a cliff which I'll then voluntarily fall off of into shark infested piranha water. Can't there just be a simple "Hey, we need a guy who can fix tech, maybe help people within the company with their computer issues, you look nice" kind of job? I haven't had fucking TIME to get any kind of certifications yet. I just got into fucking college, FOR BUSINESS IT NONETHELESS. DOES THAT PROVE I'M AT LEAST FUCKING INTERESTED IN WHAT I SAY I AM FUCKERS?!

As a kid, I wanted to try new stuff. New programs, new games, new websites, new OSs. Those were the days when we had very limited and slow access to internet and cloud was still to be discovered. I had everything on my local HDD.

So one fine day I decided to try out Ubuntu on my Windows 7 Laptop.

I emptied a partition, burnt the image to a USB drive and booted from it. Installation went well.

Somehow I ended up deleting the logical partitions on my Windows machine. Not only I was not able to boot into Windows, my HDD was just one tiny partition. I cried my eyes out. That disk had everything I ever had.

PS: I recovered everything by restoring the partitions.

I left class early today

I understand me and this kid are both students and both of us are still learning. But when he asks me to help him solve an issue I fucking expect him to listen then try what I’m saying unless he knows for certain that my idea won’t work

I don’t expect him to start ignoring the person HE asked for help to try things on his own and end up DELETING THE FUCKING GRADLE FOLDER because the 1.5.1 version of Android studio my teacher makes us use told him gradle was corrupt

I also didn’t expect him to tell the professor I didn’t tell him not to And them end up with the professor fucking assigning me to help him fix everything even though the kid won’t listen to me anyway refusing to just copy he java and XML to a new project so I grabbed my stuff and left Fuck that bullshit

I understand we’re both students and in the grand scheme of things we’re both idiots. But when I’m asked for help I expect the person to at least listen and not do something absolutely stupid like delete something we don’t understand how to fix

Now I’m making common sense a requirement to ask me for help I don’t need any extra stress I’ll deal with the consequences of walking out tomorrow But I can’t say I regret it

Good fucking lord, what the fuck is happening with dev recruitment these days. I do get that the technologies go forward, but me being a 13+ years as dev, i am able to learn new shit, pretty easily. BUT NOPE, if you say in the interview that you don't know stuff, then they never call you back.

I worked as a senior fullstack for the past fucking 5-6 years on remote, but most probably i will be forced to move to another city and work as a junior.

Fuck also that my wife is pregnant second time and this time ther is a high risk of misscariege. So i need to work at home and also somehow look after my kid and wife. Nope, according to every hr ever FUCK THAT.

I'm not entirely sure that a kid would like a thermal camera

Everyone wants faster programs, so doing more optimisations with GCC at -O3 instead of -O2 makes the program quite a bit larger, but... SLOWER. Makes sense, right? Why do you even have -O3 if it generates larger AND slower binaries than -O2?

Ah IC, it's because you use that level only on individual hot functions, not on the full program. How do I do that? Function attribute for optimisation. Cool. Uhm, what is the exact syntax? The fucking GCC documentation doesn't say that. When will devs finally learn to give bloody EXAMPLES?!

Googling around. Ah, with quotes, but without the leading hyphen it seems. Copy/paste. Compile again, tadaa: it's only a little bit but still FUCKING SLOWER than -O2!

GCC's -O3 is like that stupid kid at McD that ate like a damn horse, had to vomit afterwards and was even more hungry than before!

Comp Science teacher - “What is an object?”
Kid sitting next to me - “Women”
That was nice considering I am one...

I just have been with my kid to a doctor. Got some meds and was ordered to pray to the god, was almost dragged into discussion after saying that this comment was improperiate.
Somebody just criticized me about bringing politics into discussion.

I'm from POLand.

That one kid who knows absolutely everything there is to know about computers... As long as they run Windows.

@Gilles had a similar rant and reminded me of a story...

As a kid I learned QBasic. Moved to VB5 and later VB6. Because of this 'knowledge', I was the one who had to maintain legacy applications at my previous job. All of those applications were in use at various banks. On first work day in 2011 all hell broke loose - no date input control would accept the date anymore. I quickly discovered that the max year on date inputs was set to 2010. Later, I was told that nobody expected these applications would still be used in 2010 so they entered it as a distant future number. The funny part was that one bank was still running apps written in VB3 and I had to go back to basics. Didn't even know how to edit basic controls in that interface :D

Good times :)

Cant believe this shit happened in my country today

A mass school shooting where a 13 year old kid shot and killed 9 kids, teachers and a security guard. Several other kids wounded and one girl having brain surgery

All of this because he got an F in history class

He was a quiet kid, well behaved, got straight A's and very intelligent. But he was reportedly bullied and no one did shit about it

This the type of shit you see in america daily. But now Serbia marks #1 country in europe with a school shooting

The kid planned all of this attack for 1 whole month. He drew a sketch on the paper of the school's pathway so he can know where to go, from enter door to exit door. Even wrote the names of kids he planned to kill, sorted from high to low priority

Due to Serbia's law, no one under 14 will be held accountable or go to jail for any crime, and this 13 year old kid was so intelligent of knowing this dumbass law that he executed on this plan Now in May because he turns 14 in July this year

Ironically, his dad was a well known doctor, and now the dad is fucked. Dad's gonna go to jail. Because the kid stole his dad's gun with 5-6 clips of magazine

Very bizarre