Me: *uses HashMap* for a problem to count some elements*

Lecturer: why are you using HashMap?

Me: it's the best way of solving the problem

Lecturer: I haven't explicitly taught you what a HashMap is so why are you using it?

Me: Because I learn outside of what university teaches me

Lecturer: there's another way to do this

Me: enlighten me

Lecturer: iterate through the array using a nested for loop and count as you go along

Me: why the hell would I want to do that? That literally decreases the efficiency of my program by alot

GG lecturer telling me it's a better idea of making my O(n) runtime into an O(n^2) instead of complimenting my code.

Seriously what the fuck is up with the fucking education system. Since when was it okay to teach students how to completely fuck your code up and promote ways of making your code so inefficient?

One of my worst meetings, as the sheer rage was unbelievable.

Backstory:
Architect: "Stop duplicating code", "stop copy pasting code", "We need to reuse code more", "We need to look at a new pattern for unit tests" etc.

Meeting:
Architect: What did you want to talk about?

Me: I built a really simple lightweight library to solve a lot of our problems. Its built to make unit testing our code much easier, devs only need to change a small bit of how they work.

Architect: I like the pattern a lot, looks great ... but why a library? can we not just copy the code from project to project?

... do you have a twin or something?

That moment when you make your code such that even dummies can understand it, implement smart ass algos, do all those comment line things for definitions. Then you show your project to your teacher who has this to say :
"Why are you showing me copied code?"
I am like

Client: Why do I need to pay for a website. You're just copy pasting images and text from a word doc.

Me: There is a lot more to it, like code...

Client interupted me before I could finish: Why am I paying you for code I can't see!

Same client told me to "just phone google" to put their site on the 1st search page.

So today this Mother F**ker get HR to back him up to accuse me of not communicating well in the team because I consistently asked him (the code owner) why he kept coding not following the coding guideline.

How is it not communicating? He literally ghosted me and blocked me every time I ask him questions. Which I somewhat don't understand what he is trying to do. HR lady told me that a senior software engineer should have the knowledge to understand everything and all the code.

But the code looks like this :

Co-worker: Hey man, what's up with your code?

Me: What do you mean bro?

Co-worker: It's generic man...

Me: Isn't it supposed to be like that?

Co-worker: Yeah...

Me: ... so what's this about?

Co-worker: hmmm... Mine is kinda specific, do you mind changing it so that it can work well with mine??

Me: That's why I made it generic though

Co-worker: yeah I see that and I dnt want mine to be and we have a deadline tomorrow. I already pushed mine to develop so, happy fun-time while modifying your code to accommodate mine...

Me: *fuuxuuuuuuuuuuuux*

My boss has this habit of telling me what to do, followed by "thats easy" and "it should take you about <half the time it actually takes to do it barely okeish>"

My boss does not code and whenever I try to explain why stuff takes as long as it does he replies with, thats technical, I don't want to know...

Quiting my job at the end of the week : )

Look... I know I'm just a newbie. I started a year ago as a junior. Sure. No one wants to do code review, so I got chosen to do it. People don't like it when their code gets criticised. And you know what? I get it, I should probably be a bit nicer with my comments. I should not suggest I'll make a fork and split internal library into two streams if things continue this way. I should not ask questions that can be understood as me being passive-aggressive.

But holy fucking shit, you're a senior developer. Don't treat Java as a fucking scripting language. Don't have a method that has 600 lines of code, because you're repeating the code! You've already copy pasted this shit, and modified it slightly. Like, couldn't you have created some architecture around the code? How can a senior dev copy-paste code?

Oh and why the fuck did you create a new utility class for functionality I already provide? Look, I admit, yours is a lot better, ok? It has extra functionality. But why the fuck didn't you enhance my utility class? Why did you create a new one? Did you just not want to touch my code, or did you not see it right below your newly created class?

Am I the only one who fucking cares about maintainable code in this company? When I got hired, I was in tears by how frustrating a lot of the things were. No documentation anywhere, not even fucking comments. No processes in place. Want to do something? Source code is your documentation. Fuck you! I busted my ass of to force everyone to document every little bullshit, to re-factor their MRs that I reviewed, and I won't let even a senior fucking dev pollute the code base!

Fuuuuuck... Me...

@Root has a code review.

CR comment: “Why would you do it this way? It’s awful. Clean it up!”

Totally fair. I had copied the legendary dev’s code, and it was ick. Cleaning it was easy and enjoyable. I cleaned the source, too.

CR comment: “Why would you touch this? It’s outside the scope of the ticket. You could get it working without changing all this.”

Revert…

CR comment: “The interfaces don’t match. Now it’s confusing, and that makes it harder to maintain.”

🤦🏻‍♀️

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. I SPEND HOURS INVESTIGATING INCOMING & OUTGOING DATA. I CHECKED ALL THE CODE, I EVEN TEAMVIEWED A CUSTOMER WHICH WAS HAVING SOME ISSUES WITH MY APP.

TURNS OUT I FORGOT A FUCKING '/' IN MY FUCKING CODE. WHICH MEANS THE HOLE GODDAMN API URL MAKES NO SENSE.

WHY THE FUCK DO I ALWAYS OVERCOMPLICATE SHIT LIKE THIS.

FUCK

Today, I was telling a team member who joined recently to refer a GitHub repo, fork it and start working.

That person asks me, "Why GitHub, why should I access it etc". I blanked out after hearing the first question, so whatever said after that wasn't registered in my mind.

I asked that person "how did you do it in your previous org ?"

The response was, "we zip the code at end of everyday and store it as draft in our mailbox"

I stormed out of the workplace, even though it was just around mid of the day...

Dev: Why do you have an identical if statement right below this one?

Manager: Because I want the code to double check, obviously.

Dev: …

The level of fucking backflips I have to do to get these morons to learn git and not share code via fucking emails, Jesus Christ, you'd think I asked them to switch religions. Why the fuck does this profession not require a fucking license in this godforsaken country.

Boss comes in and gives me some js code for syncing data (he hacked it together the other day, really messy with like 5 callback lamdas stacked into each other)

Boss: Make it faster and more reliable and add some progress indicator

So i look at the code and he literally pulls all the data as one json (20+ MiB). Server needs multiple minutes to generate the response (lots of querys), sometimes even causing timeouts....

So i do what everyone would do and clean up the code, split the request into multiple ones, only fetching the necessary data and send the code back to my boss.

He comes in and asks me what all this complexity is about. And why i need 5 functions to do what he did in one. (He didn't -.-). He says he only told me to "make it faster and show progress" not "to split everything up".
So I ask him how he wants to do this over HTTP with just one request...
His response: "I don't care make it work!".

Sometimes i hate my job -.-

New guy at work asks me for a code review. 16 lines added, and I have 4 comments, all about readability. Only the major stuff because I went easy on him. I even ignored a missing semicolon.

Guy comes to me and explains that code review is about if code works, not what it should look like. "You want me to write it your way, and we'll have endless arguments if that's how you do code reviews. But I'll do your requested changes." Reduces his entire code to two lines, which make a lot more sense.

Later, I ask him why he used "void 0" anyway. I was wondering if he's thinking of security aspects or if there's another reason. His answer: "because it looks cool and nobody else does it".

Dear Apple,
WHY DA FUCK DO I HAVE TO DOWNLOAD 4+ GB EVERY SINGLE TIME I HAVE TO UPDATE X-FUCKING-CODE? A goddamn patch would be more than sufficient.

Manager: Why are we missing our deadlines?

Me: Cause we don't own any of the codebase that we work on and have to literally beg to other team for code reviews and deployments, for which it takes long mail chains and meetings. An even before that we(devs) have to explain to them what/why are we doing things, because our Product managers are a bunch of NoGood AHoles. And after all that we finally do some development, in whatever measly time we have left.

Manager: I know all that, tell me why are we missing our deadlines?

Why is the contributing manual of your open source project more thoughtfully cultivated than your code style guide and testing procedure?

Why the fuck do you care about the message in my PR, or even merge vs rebase of commits, when your spaghetti-tomatosource is so richly saturated with critically minced bugmeat?

Why are you standing there, shouting at me about your convoluted rules, in your little brown uniform? Why do I feel like the enemy when I contribute a useful fix, something which makes the code work better?

You know what, fuck all of you, you jilted acetous neckbeards, I will deploy my secret weapon, I will bypass the power you hold over your tiny fascist digital dominions.

If you play it like this, I will summon the nefarious vile side of Open Source. I will usurp your throne. I will stab out your crying eyes, rip out your conceited tongue, impale your lonely heart.

Tremble before me! I wield the almighty, legendary Fork!

The king is dead, long live the king!

VBA is not the language of choice for many of you. But in a big non-software company, Excel is tool numero uno, and VBA saves so much time. Almost nobody bothers to learn it, which drives me nuts already, but those who learn it, suck.
Wrote a beautiful VBA script with SQL inside to fill in excelsheets automatically.

Why the living fucks would someone go in the code and alter it? Why do you ignorant idiot with almost no excel and vba knowledge alter the range of the for loop and delete a few lines.
After that completely knocked out the file, I got a call for help. "¡Your code broke!"

These useless morons.

Simply curious, but why do people use Vim when they can use a proper IDE like VS code?

I was never a fan of Vim. I simply liked it for the keyboard shortcuts, but in VS code, you can use a Vim extension and still have the keyboard shortcuts :/

I don't see the point in Vim.

FUCK VISUAL STUDIO ANBD EVERYTHING IT FUCKING STANDS FOR. PIECE OF SHIT IDE CANT HANDLE MORE THAN THREE FUCKING WINDOWS AT A FUCKING TIME WHY CANT A BILLION DOLLAR MOTHERFUCKING COMPANY MAKE COMPETENT SOFTWARE FOR ONCE? WHY IS MICROSOFT SO FUCKING AWFUL IN EVERYTHING IT DOES? WHY THE FUCK IS THERE NO AUTOMATIC VERSIONING LIKE EVERY CIVILIZED BASIC FUCKING IDE THAT EVER EXISTS? WHY DO I HAVE TO FUCKING MANUALLY VERSION MY FUCKING FILES? WHY THE FUCKING FUCK IS VISUAL STUDIO FUCKING GOING TO A FILE I USED 300 YEARS AGO WHEN I DEBUG AN APPLICATION? MOST USELESS, UNINTUITIVE PIECE OF SHIT SOFTWARE IVE EVER USED. IF YOU ARENT USING SOME GODDAMN SERVER SOLUTION TO KEEP TRACK WITH YOUR PROJECT VERSIONS, GOOD EVER FUCKING LUCK RECOVERING LOST CODE BECAUSE FUCKING MICROSOFT CANT DO WHAT FUCKING INTELLIJ DID 5 MILLION FUCKING YEARS AGO

I don't know why my position has to be labeled "developer", when in reality I ain't develop shit, all I do day after day is fixing legacy code

while we were in the car...

mom: so what are u doing in your new job? you code in java?
me: no, i code in javascript, html, css and php..
mom: so thats java. how nice.
me: no, its javaSCRIPT.
mom: theyre still the same.
me: java and javascript are not the same
mom: but most people use java so why dont u just do it in java?
me: thats what ive been asking myself too in the past few weeks, why did i even accept this job

Fvcking project manager wants me to commit my partials code to the master branch just to let our employers know that we did something today! That's why you are there to relay our predicaments to them, you piece of shit!
Now he is insisting it the whole team. Fvck! Are you nuts? Do you really understand what version control really means? Why master branch, why can't we just create fucking different branch and push it there if they want reference! Commits are supposed to be a fix code or update not a broken and unfinished piece of codes! I will fvcking cross my finger after messing up the master branch. Now it looks so disgusting to me.

Why... why the fuck do people write unit tests and then comment out the god damn fucking assertion lines....
Like what the flying fuck? Cool, we can get some code coverage marks but for fuck sake actually let your tests do their fucking job!!!

Oh, the asserts fail?
Well fucking sort that shit out instead of commenting them out.

I don't get it, if you're going to write tests, fucking test something with them, or we'd be better of without them.

So I spent 4-5 weeks explaining how shit the current code base was, implemented gulp tasks to lint js, CSS etc, written shed loads of coding standards and best practices to follow. At this point everyone was onboard with the changes and thought brilliant were going to start getting some good code coming out of this team.

I go on holiday for a week, come back and fucker has ignored the documentation disabled the linters in the gulp tasks and the code is back to square one SHIT!!

Plus everyone still committing to master!!!!

Why do I bother!!

The music I hear while coding can describe my current mood:

Dubstep and other electronic music -> chilled and focused
Movie soundtracks -> everything I do today is working fine
Anime Openings/JPop -> in desperate need for motivation
Metal -> why is that son of a code not working?!

What kind of music do you listen to while coding?

You know what you sound like when you say that "I want to be a programmer but this code is offensive so remove it"? It's like saying that "I want to be a surgeon but I don't like blood, so remove the blood right now."

I personally don't really like blood a whole lot, especially when it comes out of the bodies of other people. I don't really want to become a surgeon, but let's say that I would. "Teacher, I don't like blood, I want to become a surgeon but I hate blood!!! MAKE ALL PATIENTS STOP BLEEDING NOW!!!"

To which my teacher surgeon would of course respond: "Well how about you don't become a surgeon then, because humans that are cut open do bleed, and there's nothing we can do about it."

Same thing with code. You know why code is written? To be a useful tool, for people to become more productive by running the thing (unlike the average SJW). And normal people, you know how much they care about the code? They only care for it as much as for it to be able to run properly. And the ones that do look in the source code either want to improve its functionality or check whether it's actually something decent, secure, safe to run etc etc. People don't normally look at code for the sake of getting offended by something.

But the formulation used in the code, does it even matter? Jerk, it's a term that's used in physics. Does it refer to your despised white cis males whacking off? Of course it doesn't, it's a term to describe change in acceleration. Masters and slaves in code, does it refer to slavery? Most certainly it doesn't. So why bother?

"Oh hey, your code is a perfect showcase, may I show it to collegues?"

"Sure, but why so?"

"For demonstrating how to do it NOT!"

FUCKING TELEGRAM FUCK YOU STAY IN YOUR FUCKING API DOCUMENTATION AND STOP FUCKING TESTING YOUR SHIT ON A PRODUCTION SYSTEM WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT FUCK OFF WHY AM I EVEN DEVELOPING SHIT FOR YOUR PLATFORM ANYMORE WHEN FOLLOWING YOUR DOCUMENTATION LEADS TO FUCKING ERRORS AND WE HAVE TO DECOMPILE AND REVERSE ENGINEER YOUR FUCKING "OPEN SOURCE" APPS BECAUSE YOU DONT EVEN BOTHER TO FUCKING UPDATE THE SOURCE CODE ONCE A YEAR WHAT THE FUCK

Thank you for your attention

Worst code review experience?

Hard to pick just one, but most were in a big meeting room with 4+ other developers not related to the project and with some playing Monday-Morning-Quarterback instead of offering productive feedback.

In one code review, the department mgr reviewed the code from a third party component library.

<brings up the code on the big screen>
Mgr: "I can't read any of this, its a mix of English and something else."
Me: "Its German."
Mgr: "Then why is 'Button' in English? This code is a mess."
Me: "I'm not exactly sure how I should respond, I mean, I didn't write any of this code."
Mgr: "Yes, but you are using it, so it's fair game for a code review."
Me: "Its not really open source, but we can make requests if you found something that needs to be addressed."
Mgr: "Oh yes, all this...whatever this is..<pointing again to the German>"
Me: "I don't think they will change their code to English just so you can read it."
Mgr: "We paid good money, you bet your ass they'll change it!"
Me: "I think the components were like $30 for the unlimited license. They'll tell us to go to hell first. Is there something about my code you want to talk about?"
Mgr: "<Ugggh>...I guess not, I couldn't get past all that German. Why didn't we go with an American company? Hell, why didn't we just write these components ourselves!?"
Me: "Because you gave a directive that if we found components that saved us time, to put in a request, and you approved the request. The company is American, they probably outsourced or hired German developers. I don't know and not sure why we care."
Mgr: "Security! What if they are sending keystrokes back to their servers!"
Me: "Did you see any http or any network access?"
Mgr: "How could I? The code is in German!"
Monday-Morning-Quarterback1: "If it were me, I would have written the components myself and moved on"
Me: "No, I don't think you could for less than $30"
Monday-Morning-Quarterback2: "Meh...we get paid anyway. Just add the time to the estimate."
Mgr: "Exactly! Why do we even have developers who can't read this mess."
Me: "Oh good Lord! Did anyone review or even look at my code for this review!?"
<silence>
Mgr: "Oh...ok...I guess we're done here. Thanks everyone."
<everyone starts to leave>
Me: "Whoa!...wait a sec..am I supposed to do something?"
Mgr: "Get that company to write their code in English so we can read it. You have their number, call em'...no...wait...give me their number. You keep working, I'll take care of this personally"

In they nicest way possible, the company did tell him to go to hell.

I was at the robotics group of our school when suddenly two other students (both 2 grades above me) started talking:

P1: I always forget the brackets when writing code

P2: I always forget the return statements

P3: yeah, always takes ages to find out why your code doesn't work

P4: haha, in the end it's just something missing that you didn't notice like a semicolon or a bracket

Me (thinking): do you use a fucking toaster to code? Even if you don't use an ide the compiler tells you what's wrong

My coworker when he is copy pasting code without thinking..
Something like that:

var x;
if (veryExpensiveFunction()) {
x = veryExpensiveFunction();
// do something messy with x..
}

Sometimes I really feel the urge to punch him in the neck - and he never knows why I’m freaking out.. :’(

I'm currently rewriting perfectly clean and functioning Scala code in Java (because "Enterprise", yay). The amount of unnecessary boilerplate I have to add is insane. I'm not even talking big complicated code but two liners or the lack of simple things like a range from 5 to 10.

Why do I have to write
List<Position> occupiedPositions = placedEntities.stream()
.flatMap((pe) -> pe.occupiedPositions().stream())
.collect(Collectors.toList());
instead of simply
val occupiedPositions = placedEntities.flatMap(_.occupiedPositions)

Why on earth does `occupiedPositions.distinct` suddenly become a monstrosity like `occupiedPositions.stream().distinct().collect(Collectors.toList())` where the majority of code is pure boilerplate? And this is supposed to be the new and better Java8 api which people use as evidence that Java is now suddenly "functional" (yeah no, just no).

Why do APIs that annotate parameters with @Nullable throw NullPointerExceptions when I pass a null? Why does the compiler not help prevent such stupidity? Why do we use static typing PLUS those annotations and it still crashes at runtime like every damn dynamic, interpreted language out there? That's not unfortunate, it's a complete waste of time.

Why is a simple idea like a range from x to 10 (in scala literally `x to 10`) not by default included in Java? There's Guava's version of Range which does not have a helper for integer ranges (even though they are the most used ones). Then there's apache.commons version which _has_ a helper for integers, but is strangely not iterable (wtf I don't even...).

Speaking of Iterable: How difficult could it be to convert an abstract Iterable<T> into a concrete List<T>? In scala it's surprisingly `someIterable.toList`. I found nothing like that so I took to stackoverflow where I found a thread in which people suggested everything from writing your own ListUtils helper class, using Guava (which is a huge dependency!) to using the new Java8 features inline (which is still about three lines long). I didn't know this was such a hard problem in computer science, TIL.

How anyone can be productive in this abomination of a language is beyond me now, even though I've used it for many years while learning to code (back then I didn't know there were much better ways to do things). The only good part is that I have to endure this nonsense for only about 3 days longer then I'm free again!

The guy where I can only shake my head when I see his code, and he is really proud of if implementations, while he

- doesn't care about warnings

- breaks builds and doesn't care

- doesn't care about code styles and indents in a very column based way

- adds tons of comments to his code, mostly hard to understand, and sometimes that much you can hardly find the code

- implements a tokenizer where you have to inherit from its interface (Why would I wanna implement whole functions for a tokenizer and not just use it in place where needed? How do I use two of those in one class?)

- implement a "generic" state machine base class with fixed lengths array of 3 events and 3 strings (Why would I need events and strings hardcoded in a "generic" state machine? Why a maximum of 3?)

- once delivered a software without the needed runtime components, so the whole system (embedded device) wasn't working properly and only by chance missed the point of disabling update mechanisms

- make your ears bleed about his big inventions whenever he sees you, no matter how often he already told you about that blazing new feature

Unless you had a horrible accident where you lost most of your fingers, I don't understand why anyone would do this. I had to double check I wasn't looking at obfuscated code.

```
String a;
String flag;
String tp;
String n;
String chn;
String lt;
String lg;
String bid;
String d;
```

I hate it when I try and have a discussion with another dev and the conversation devolves into something akin to:

Me: I'm doing a thing in y language! How do I do z using y language?

Dev: WHY ARE YOU USING Y LANGUAGE?! Y LANGUAGE SUCKS AND IF YOU USE IT YOU'RE STUPID. ALL REAL DEVS USE X LANGUAGE.

I just wanted to know how to do something. Maybe I don't want to do it in another language. Maybe I have to use this language for work/study. Maybe I've just been given legacy spaghetti code and can't change the system easily.

Why do people feel the need to do this? And if they want to flame a language why can't they do it constructively?

Dev: If you are trying to do a thing in y language, why don't you try using x language? It offers an easier way for you to complete the task that you want, and it has other amazing features too!

Then you could actually respond with the appropriate response which would be thanks but no thanks because of this reason or thanks i'll check it out.

No need to be so elitist all the time.

My friend at my office tell me what he did everyday

6.00 am wakeup
6.10 am code while showering (using phone)
8.00 am make a coffee
8.05 am start code
12.00 pm eating lunch
12.10 pm start code
5.00 pm go to home
5.30 pm pickup a phone and do a some socmed
6.00 pm eating
6.10 pm code in pc
11.00 pm sleep

He did that everyday. Im shocked he can code like that. Then i ask him why. He tell me that he loves code so much, everytime he found an error he find a way to solve it and he said it was fun so he cant stop code

I think my boss has brainwashed him :/

I'm so weary of JS right now but every time i want to code something in another language i just think:
"Why don't i just do this in JS. Would be much easier."

Please help me.

I applied for PHP Developer

Interviewer: What is interface?
Me: it is class with unimplemented methods?
Interviewer: But why we use it?
Me: it acts as a contract so you can assure that
on implementing interface developer will follow
the same architecture.
Interviewer: that's okay but why is the need for an interface at first place?

I was irritated with the interview process as he was smirking
every time I answered.

Me: I never get a chance to do that kind of research. Truth is
even if you hire me your manager will declare the unrealistic deadline and won't care if I comment the code or know why we really need to implement an interface.

After he did not smile and I left the chair.

When i Code , I feel like i should take a break,
After Taking a Break,
WTf why I took the break , now what this code do !!!

Why does Google not have a dark mode for their freaking home page? I have dark mode on everything on my computer then I go to look something up on Google and get blinded. If they can do it for YouTube why don't they get it together on their nearly blank, bright white search page. You're better than this Google. And while I'm on that topic same to you stackoverflow. When I'm copying someone else's code at least let me do it in dark mode.

They've literally left me with nothing to do. I'm doing nothing. I can't be happy doing nothing.

To illustrate the chaos: Everyone on the team was trying to figure out some defect. No one knows what is going on in the code. It's unlike anything I've ever seen.

I found an API call with a misspelled endpoint. It was wrong since the code was written two months before. There's no way it ever worked. Obviously no one tested the code because they would have immediately seen that the call returned a 404 every time.

I fixed it. That was my only PR in about a month. It was literally one character.

The next week that PR got reverted. Apparently the app works better if the API call fails. No one said what goes wrong if the request is made, just that it "causes problems."

That's how bad it is. No one knows why anything does or doesn't work. People write code that doesn't work, never test it, and the application works better in some unspecified way if that code never gets executed.

The last straw for me was when an architect told us that if we want to improve our skills we need to learn how to read and debug stuff like this.

1) Not to be immodest, but I'm good at figuring out bad code.
2) Just because I can doesn't mean I want to do it all day instead of actually developing software
3) He trivialized the really important skill, not making a mess like this in the first place. If his idea of skill is to sling crap without tests at the wall and then debug it, how is he an architect?

I tried really hard but I can't keep a good attitude. I don't want to become toxic, but why would I consider working that way? I try my best to be good at this. Writing decent code means a lot to me. It should mean a lot to them. Their code is costing them hundreds of thousands of dollars. Maybe millions.

I can't write good code and add value if all I do is debug bad code.

So I'm out. I'm going to another project. Have a nice life.

I may or may not have pushed to production certain intranet code that upon meeting certain and very specific conditions would display the message "penis penis penis c====3"
because I can't for the life of me remember why would I do that.

Whats your point??

How I spend my days at work working with legacy code:

* Writing tests before I do anything
* Noticing that i cannot write tests because of antipatterns. Lots of them.
* Refactoring to make at least a tiny bit testable.
* Then writing tests.
* More rewriting and refactoring
* Finally adding that one feature my boss asked me for
* Writing tests for that new feature (my do that before implementing)
* Explaining to my boss why it took me so long and agreeing on stopping writing tests.
* 2 days later: explaining why i still broke something.

But in the end my code works just fine.
my colleagues handle things differently. They just ignore problems as long as at least one feature works a bit.

"Why is this code working? How did I do it?"

These unanswered questions keep me up at night.

So a company I'm working at has this internal product. I just got employed and was put into that team.

"First task: refactor some of the code"

Alright, I start refactoring. Oh I may need to write a small class for this one. And then rewrite this a bit. And then rewrite that a bit. And then rewrite everything.

"Why are you rewriting most of my code?"

oh i would not have needed to do so if your code was not COMING OUT OF YOUR ASS and if all the teams had FREAKING PROPER API DOCUMENTATION

Type T ( something something... )
...
Type * TP = T;
TP.do()

> Be me
> Production code
> Update Type structure
> SEGV
> Wtf why was this even working
> Ask senior
> senior y u do dis
> bc
> Why were no errors
...
> mfw
> He says

"I added -fpermissive and forgot..."

On production since May

...

...

...

... 2007

Love looking back at code I wrote months ago and thinking, "why did I even do this?"

I saw a post about headphones that reminded me.

Last week I was trying to find out why my code wasn't working. At about an hr in my wife asks me "honey, why do you have headphones on but they aren't plugged into anything?"

I looked at her partially spaced and thought to myself "I have headphones on?!?!"

Lol I tend to do this a lot.

Dad: And what do you code?
Me: Websites, some useful desktop applications and some Android apps.
Dad: Why didn't I notice them?
Me: Because I am not making money with it and can't afford advertising.
Dad: Then make money with it.
Me: ...

Do coding outside of work. I got into the industry because I enjoy writing code, but your job won't always be fun. That's why they give you money. Make sure that spark of joy doesn't die.

Or, when it does die, at least you'll have something to rant about.

Hey, i took a look at your code and heres how you could improve your performance!

"No thanks lol it works this way too"

Okay you fucking idiot, thats not how you do normal distribution

"Why are you so mean"

*Intensely staring the screen and solving a problem in my head, I can feel I'm close to the final answer, the answer to the truth, the holy Line of Code and that it will forever chang-*
PM: hey, do you know why my mouse doesn't click anymore?

...

Boss: Any idea why ColleagueX's code might be blowing out the memory?

Me (internal): Cos he's a fucking retard who can't code for shit, doesn't listen when I tell him to do stuff properly because he's fucking lazy, has no idea what stack and heap are, uses goto everywhere, doesn't know how to debug, doesn't write any unit tests, and generally WASTES MY FUCKING TIME!

Me (external): Probably a memory leak. I'll take a look.

during code review...
peer: "you should pass this variable, and extract the logger from it"
me: "why? it is a 3 line logging function. why not pass the logger instance?"
peer: "because that is our best practice. It is the way we do things"
me: "why is it a best practice?"
peer: "because it is. We use it everywhere!"
me: "No we don't. And I still don't understand why is this a best practice. can you explain?"
peer: gives ups, did not look at the mr, and was not going to.

mr stays open. probably forever.

I was teaching my fiancée how not to write duplicate code. After a while of me ranting about why you shouldn't do that she made a dostuff() method and dumped all the duplicate code into it.

I kinda like the result of that.

On that note, i finally made an account after lurking here for weeks. So, Hello!

I just got asked by a colleague why do I use different levels of a logger. He said he's been writing code for 10+ years and never needed anything other than Logger.debug() 🤦‍♂️

Where the fuck these guys get their degrees? 😒

Still fail to see why people give a fuck if you're self taught or have a degree. (By people I mean other developers, not employers.)

Why does it matter? Trick question: it doesn't matter. All that matters is their code.

And fun fact: both educated and self taught people can write shitty code.

Idk it just seems like unnecessary division in a group of people that all do the same fucking thing: program.

I can't understand why people would use spaces over tabs to do indents in code. It's horrible.

I'm task to amend the code smell in the project. I literally can cry a river.
I see such thing as i = i++; - It's flag out as a bug.

I have also seen check in classes. With un-used variables. I literally cried.

In the past, i ask why do i got to care about code quality. I actually start to get angry like the team leads in my project.

I really need to let this out somewhere...

Why the f...? Srsly.. Why would anyone do that? I'm joining another project. Apparently lead dev has adopted a coding style, where:

1. Every dev writes code however he likes, i.e. no clean-code requirement at all.
2. All services are crud-only. I mean all service classes. All must have those 4 methods; no more, no less.
3. Half of the business logic is inside controllers.
4. Not a single comment... Interfaces, models, etc. -- not a single one.
5. Xmls -- tabs, classes - spaces.
6. Xml schemas are downloaded with each build rather than stored downloaded once and stored locally.
7. I can keep going on and on.

Is it just me or are these some really weird decisions?

Scenario 1
Friend 1:"Hey, you're good at computers right?"
Me:"Erm yup."
Friend 1:"Can you hack Instagram? I've lost my password."
Me:"Oh My God."

Scenario 2
Me looking at a friend's unity C# code
Me:"You know there's an enter key right? Why is your code horizontal not vertical?"
(Means that after a semi-colon he continues his code)
Friend 2:"I like to read my code in horizontal, that feels natural to me"
Me:"What ever, as long as it works. But why do you have so many if function inside another if function?"
Friend 2:"Cuz I want the player to do this while moving"
Me:".........."

Me: I want to be a dev..
Mom: But you only sit in front of the computer to play games.
Me: That's not what I always do.
Mom: Then why are you sitting behind the computer all the time.
Me: To make software. Most of the time you clearly see me typing code.
Mom: No, I can't trust you, you play too much games. Study hard and get another job.
Me: *Middle finger behind a back.*

When you haven't touched a project in a month and you decide you need to get back into it.

I have pages of dated notes, pseudo-code and function in the still need written. I have about 75% of the actual code up and functional, but I have no idea what I was working on when other things got in the way. I've been staring at this mess that I swear was once organized and made total sense and I'm completely lost.

Why do our brains do this!!

Wife and I went to visit her grandparents and when we were at the hotel she would watch lifetime and i would code.

As for Christmas, there's nothing else to do in this town so why not code.

Today I looked at some code from our CTO. He used plain SQL Statements with huge selects and no prepared statements.

I asked him:
1. why dont you build some helpers or even use some frameworks?
2. why are there no prepared statements?

His answer (to both questions)
We do not need that. That just uses too much ressources and time. It's more cleaner and simpler this way.

My Face: 😵

Performance Review: You’ve slowed down.

My head: I never get to code cause all we do is meetings. Like no shit I have slowed down. Why the fuck do we have 3 days just full of meetings that I don’t even contribute to ?! I’m not gonna do overtime for this shit

Me (actually): Ah, shucks! Guess we can work on that huh?

The intern: FUUUUCK, WHY ISN'T MY CODE WORKING?
Me: Lemme check real quick... ok, that's a null pointer exception.
The intern: Again? Man, I'm growing desperate. How do I stop making these errors?
My dumb ass with my 4 years coding experience, who encountered a nullpointerexception literally 5 minutes earlier: """"°-°""""

Why do I have no problems writing code and designing databases, but draw a complete blank when trying to come up with a good database username for the code to use?

That's why I love Python, just write a quick derpy code to do a very long and boring task

My manager thinks I am Superman! and he is so confident that can do any shit he wants me to do.

Yesterday he asked me to merge an ancient code hotfix (literally ancient) with latest branch of changes.

1. Hotfix is really old, most of the things are hardcoded, very specific to a stone age client.

2. Code documentation does not exist.

3. Developers of that code are probably dead.

4. Many Libraries which code uses are deprecated.

5. It's a legacy code, so no one has fucking idea what a particular clumsy block of code do, or what will happen if you remove it.

'if it runs don't touch it' policy by management.

Despite all this shit I successfully merged the the hotfix, refactored outdated code so as to run the application.

Showed this to my manager in full swag!

He was surprised at first, and asked me to show the code changes.

'Code review' was done by comparing files 😅

Manager: Dude, you have changed these lines, why? Explain.😧

Me: those lines won't work with new build, with new libs.☺️

Manager: then why can't you do old build with new changes?🙄

Me: umm.. wait... what???🤔

Manager: the code was working previously, it must be working even today without these changes.😡

Me: it was not working hence I made changes and now it's working fine see! ☺️

Manager: you have removed this, this and this!!! 😡

Me: but I also added that, that and that!😔

Manager: "don't touch it' if it works!"😡

Me: ... Idk what to say!
(In the back of my mind: "Don't touch it even it doesn't works!")😌

I wrote almost all the java code in Main.java
why did I do that?
WHY DID I DO THAT?

I can repair an electronic item, write code and debug. Has a degree in CS so why do I have to ask the wife "baby, how do you operate the washing machine?"

So there is this one person who keeps asking for help from everybody and expects them to do their code .... And surprisingly they do....

I was done with that shit when I was expected to code for the person .... So I did do it with a comment saying "I have no idea why I get paid" 😂😂😂

I'm waiting for the reviewer to notice this now 😂😂😂

Before I get too fat, the "Hour of Code" concept it's great, trying to get kids interested in programming

That being said, why on earth do they use fucking drag and drop programming? I would argue Python is easier to learn and infinitely more useful, and this is coming from someone who can't stand Python.

So far the only thing that I can think that the Hour of Code achieves, with drag and drop programming, is people possibly getting into Scratch, and fuck Scratch.

Hey I have an idea ! Why not we developers normalise the IKEA way of delivering project to customers? Let me introduce the DO IT YOURSELF software .

Here's how it is done , we set up environment for the client , write manuals , design and pass it over to the customer , let them DIY it by code for themself!

Why in the goddamn fucking world do I not fucking commit the fucking code every time there is a motherfucking major change

FUCK ALL THOSE MONKEYS THAT WROTE ALL THE SHITTY CODE WHICH I'VE SPENT THE MAJORITY OF MY DAYS HAVING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE SHIT IT DOES AND WHY I CAN'T JUST BURN IT....

AND WHY THE FUCK DO BUSINESS USERS SEEM TO THINK THAT DEVELOPERS CAN UNDERSTAND ALL THEIR BUSINESS TALK...

IF I UNDERSTAND ALL OF WHAT YOU DO, YOU WILL BE OUT OF A JOB....

P.S. APPARENTLY ONE OF MY MEDS SIDE EFFECTS ARE INCREASED IRRATIBILTY. THE SLIGHTEST ANNOYANCES NOW PISS ME OFF...

SO APPARENTLY THAT MEANS I HAVE A FREE LICENSE TO BLOW UP N RANT ON THE JOB RIGHT?

... 🖕

Got a new website i should maintain... Code is a real mess... Why did some kids do something - it breaks my heart^^
The directory hasnt any seperate folder except the img-folder - css,html and js are inside the root dir...

I think its only reasonable that if I must show u my code during i terview process, I get to see some of the code that I'll get to work with if I'm hired.

Starting to think employers just straight up lie up everything..

Why do i need to find out about your shit code on the first day?!
Cutting edge tech my ass...

So VS Code, you're using ~60% of my CPU and I've let you do that for around 1/2 hour now. Why do you do this? I know your brother can do this as well, but he does have some valid reasons unlike yourself. You're just a glorified notepad with some extensions.

Got an assignment for my OOP class, looked at it, laughed, "haha this is baby stuff I could code this by farting on the keyboard"
Wrote 400 lines of code without debugging
🙃.... Why do I do this to myself?

Why the fuck does Apple hate developers so much? I just want to test and play around a bit. Why do I have to own a fucking Mac? Why do I need to pay 99$ a year just to install a debug build on my own device?! It's literally impossible to get into ios development without being rich or having some kind of plan for revenue...

Testing my app on Android:
Install Android studio -> plug in phone -> run code in Android Studio or simply install the resulting apk on your phone.

Trying to test my app on my iPad:
Google how to build app for iPad -> reading that you have to own a Mac to run xcode when you want to build Code for iOS -> searching for a workaround -> find a way to build my app online -> setting the tool and building it -> Trying out 5 different tools to sideload the app, no one works -> finding out that you need a developer account to sign the app for testing purposes on MY OWN DEVICE. I really would appreciate it if I would be able to install personal stuff for testing and LEARNING without being forced into insolvency. Why are people putting up with this kind of bullshit?

Just let me be a programmer. Why do I have to learn yaml and deploy an app with 100 lines of code to a kubernetes cluster with literally 0 users?
Scale sucks.

A Bad and Sad Day

Hello Monday,

Client : on weekend site went down for 7 hours? Why ?
Me : Let me check the logs
Client : bla bla bla
boss : check ur code bla bla bla
Reason : Some PHP service stopped on server

Client2 : I have purchased this software and you have to made minor changes
Me : Payment Integrations are not working?
Client : Whataa nonsense is this.. you are supposed to do this
Me : We are supposed to do minor changes. They do not have proper payment integrations. If you want we have to write complete code
Client : bla bla.. I gave you working software

:( Why don't you just fuck off .. liars

When your manager who claims to be a Wordpress "developer" says to you oh my God, why are you using notepad to write the page when there is an editor?

My response, because I am a developer. I write code and I can write better HTML than any editor can. I then said I do add editors for my projects where required, not for me, but for the end users that cannot write HTML. He walked away 😂

When it's late at night and my wife and child have gone to bed and I pull out the laptop to start some code/specification I question my life choices.

Does anyone else wonder why they're driven to do what they do?

!rant

My colleague saw this code of mine and said it is annoying conditions are not on the same line, since it is a shared project I can't go "that's my style!"

What do you think should I convince him why we need to follow this approach (at least it can be easily read rather than reading a screen wide line)

Coffeescript is such a pain in the ass. If I wanted to code in Python, I'll code in Python. Why do you have to add pythonicness to JS! Eat a bag of dicks!

WTF is this shit? Multiply by 0 * Math.pow(2,0) upto Math.pow(2, 10).

Like why the fuck would you write that and not write a comment as to why that logic and explain everything else. Fucking fuck.

Turns out this logic is supposed to mimic the back end logic of breaking the flag value into binary and then set other flags depending on each bit. But why would you do that? I was starting to doubt if 0*n = 0.

This piece of code is inefficient, trying to be smartass, doesn't explain shit and doesn't have the only comment that mattered.

*looks at code from a week ago*

Why did I do it this way!?

*refactors everything*

My best code review experience?

Company hired a new department manager and one of his duties was to get familiar with the code base, so he started rounds of code reviews.
We had our own coding standards (naming, indentation, etc..etc) and for the most part, all of our code would pass those standards 100%.

One review of my code was particularly brutal. I though it was perfect. In-line documentation, indentation, followed naming standards..everything. 'Tom' kept wanting to know the 'Why?'

Tom: 'This method where it validates the amount must be under 30. Why 30? Why is it hard-coded and not a parameter?'
<skip what it seemed like 50 more 'Why...?' questions>
Me: "I don't remember. I wrote that 2 years ago."
Tom: "I don't care if you wrote it yesterday. I have pages of code I want you to verify the values and answer 'Why?' to all of them. Look at this one..."

'Tom' was a bit of a hard-ass, but wow, did I learn A LOT. Coding standards are nice, but he explained understanding the 'What' is what we are paid for. Coders can do the "What" in their sleep. Good developers can read and understand code regardless of a coding standard and the mediocre developers use standards as a crutch (or worse, used as a weapon against others). Great developers understand the 'Why?'.

Now I ask 'Why?' a lot. Gotten my fair share of "I'm gonna punch you in the face" looks during a code review, but being able to answer the 'Why?' solidifies the team with the goals of the project.

Helping this lady with her Microsoft Access work. Wrote some complex Visual Basic script to make the database look pretty. This is what she is asking:

"Hey, where did you get all this code from? YouTube? Can you please send me the link?"

ffs I'm a dev, why the fuck do you think I need YouTube for this simple VBA script.

I'm so tired yo... I'm on 2 startups, one is mine the other some dude I'm working with. Both sites built in PHP. Another side gig slack bot thing in Node JS. And then 2 day time jobs in which I'm deciding which one to quit out of... 🫠😵💀

Well today I found out that is perfectly fine to not communicate or look at your phone and be unresponsive while pair programming. They can't even write a single line of code on their own. I'm having to dictate them things by character. How can this be seen as a cultural difference. How the hell are they still employed and the most important question. Why do I need to accomodate to them and find ways to motivate them?
They should be doing what they are paid to do.

Have to do a jee project without any knowledge in java, in 2 weeks.

Why ? My classmates put me in a group when i wasn't here, of course they know nothing and are not going to code..
Fuckkkkkk you!

Well, any advice with jee ? Where should i start to get a good grade x)

For the last week or so I've been writing a userbot for Telegram. Completely from scratch, plus Telethon to not reinvent the wheel entirely. I'm coming from the codebase of an existing userbot.

That userbot is written by a good friend of mine, who makes 6 figures, and whom I respect greatly. However the code is a steaming pile of shit. Now that is not his fault, he largely inherited that code too, tried to fix it, failed, gave up.

I am reimplementing it entirely. I'm only looking at the modules, trying to understand them, and copying over the necessary bits and changing them where necessary. But I've come across some nasty shit.

Userbots often edit existing messages from real Telegram clients. They're kind of like a login to your account, but with a program rather than a regular client. You send a message from a real client, it sees it and does whatever it needs to, and edits your message to give you feedback. Which is great.

However, there's no need to do simple string edits by importing "re". So why do you? Because you're an idiot, that's why. The old bot is based on Paperplane, which in turn is based on Telethon. Why do I see function calls to Telethon in some places and Paperplane in others? Because you're an idiot, that's why. Why does the dig module fail to even give correct answers? Because you know nothing about the DNS, that's why. And you didn't learn about RRs before implementing it.

And don't you tell me that this code is shit, and this bot is slow only when I run it on a fucking Pentium. I run this shit on an i7 and CPU isn't even the issue - memory, disk and such are. If you had any clue whatsoever about efficiency, you would've known because it's blatantly obvious. There's a reason why my machines rarely go past 5% CPU utilization. It's the fastest component in the entire fucking system.

When users come and say.. hmm this application of yours, it consumes a lot of memory. It takes a long time to do X and Y and I don't quite understand why, it seems illogical. Then maybe you should go look at your code, like you would look at yourself in the mirror. And then you fucking go fix it so that I don't have to. You're an engineer just like I am. And I am not even a dev proper - I'm a sysadmin by trade. Why should I have to fix your shit for you?

Was having a Good day , My code was compiling, Android Studio did find the fucking 'R' In his goddamn libraries and eventually got my strong coffee by my desk.
Suddenly i'm hit up with one of Noob friends saying that he installed Windows on His MacBook Air...
My ears and eyes starting bleeding and all that came in my mind was why the heck did you do this, why the heck did you coat your Chocolate truffle with the fucking Mud. Why didn't you just hammered the keyboard and the screen before doing . I had to sleep after this and all that i saw in my dreams was fucking apples and windows.
Please for God's sake don't do this , wouldn't be a sin more deep than this one

You know what I don't like?
Getting dropped into an ongoing project, especially as a replacement for somebody else - looking through the code and realising the code is perfectly fine - except I would do it differently.
Yes, I see why those choices were made. It's up to specs and according to the convention - but it still _feels_ wrong.

So I'm tasked with rewriting the old software my employer uses to track basically anything in his company. They want to stick quite close to the old workflow as much as possible, I get that.

"Why exactly do you need access to the system? No you don't need to look at it just recreate the flow. I'll give you the sql structure is that OK? Oh and this won't take long, you can copy from the old code can't you? Wait why do you need access to the code? No. "

🙄

Today I was refactoring code with 10 levels of indentation. Java 8.
Lambdas.
Each one is a block which spans multiple lines, that makes the outer ones hundreds of lines long.

This should be forbidden: () -> { ... }

If you don't understand why, please never send me any code.

PS: intellij shows multiple errors on each line.

PPS: my colleague should be happy that I do not use swear words.

Ok, wtf is going on brain?!

Why do I keep having dreams of code and algorithms? Let me sleep!

I don't need you to reiterate what the problem is. I am aware. I was the one who told you what the problem is. Via email and Slack. Why do you keep restating it to me like you are the one who figured out? I know the table isn't syncing with the third party object. I'm trying to figure out WHY. No amount of "I'm pretty sure the sync process is broken" will trigger a solution. Stop coming into my office every 5 minutes with a new "revelation" that wasn't even your own. This isn't my code, and since the owner of said code is not here to fix it, I have to spend some time figuring out how this damn thing works. SO PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LET ME WORK SO I CAN FIX THIS

Over the last year, I’ve only started learning computer science at uni, never done it before.

I’ve done units in:
- Alg. and programming fundamentals in python
- Intro to comp sci
- alg. and data structures
- theory of computation

Guess the point of this is, “why do people code, what aspirations do you all have?”
Cause rn, I’m all about “I have no idea what I’m doing, coding just seemed cool and I wanted to try it out.” Don’t know where to go

Someone inspire me???
Here is a legit reason for you to brag about what you do and what you’re going to do 😉

Sometimes it's uncomfortable for me to code anything because all I do is based on other stuff that is based on other stuff and so on.

Am I truly a creator when all I do is putting the puzzle pieces together so it looks unique?

I actually never honestly go beyond "modding".. Why do I always have to rely on other stuff working? And other stuff continuing to work for the following decade?

I thought it's only the case for software/web/etc but apparently most hardware projects are stuffing bought things together.
Music is stuffing chord combinations and melodies together.

It all goes on like that.

WTF is going on with marketers in LinkedIn?! I’m an engineer why the fuck are you trying to make me sell your product to a company I only code for, fucking spammy cunts contact sales and do your job I have enough with mine.

Why most of the Indian developers code so bad? I face it very often, with my colleagues, with the freelancers we hire, even with our clients.

I am an Indian, and I feel so much disgusted (& sad as well) when a client tell us that they have a dedicated team to rework on the code which they outsource from India. If you visit a freelancing website you will see that the Indian developers have the least price, and they bid on literally anything even without understanding what they need to do. And finally when they get a job, they complete it, but with a fully f*cked up code and the worst architecture possible.

I have a lot of friends working in IT, and I personally know that they do not have any passion about programming. They just work for money, nothing else. I don't understand, why? My 7 years of IT career is probably not long enough to find a suitable answer for this 'why'.

Fucking kill me. I've just agreed to make a shitty fucking app that would be better as a Webpage, using shitty fucking technologies I don't understand, to do a thing that would be better handled by a third party.
You know why? The guy who asked me to do it is a good friend, and I'm the "best (only) code monkey" he knows. FUCK MY LIFE.

At least I'm getting payed

Just spent three hours debugging why a jquery didn't do some actions with a div through its id. MAYBE NEXT TIME I SHOULD CHECK FOR FUCKING DUPLICATE ID'S AND REMEMBER COPYING SOME CODE THE DAY BEFORE WHICH CONTAINED THAT FUCKING ID. GODVERDEGODVERDOMME.

What is it with people just blindly fucking copy pasting from a different project, seeing it work and then submitting it for review.

You copy 2 lines, one of which fixes the thing, WHY KEEP THE OTHER USELESS IRRELEVANT PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT IN THE FUCKING CODE WHY BOTHER WITH KEEPING IT IN IT'S MORE TECH DEBT BECAUSE NOBODY WILL KNOW WHY IT'S THERE

WHY DO I CONTINOUSLY HAVE TO POINT THIS OUT IT'S SO FICKONG TIRING TO CONSTANTLY HAVE TO BE THE ANNOYING REVIEWER WITH +20 COMMENTS ON SMALL PRS IM SO FUCKING TIRED OF BEING 'THAT GUY'

In my language it's called being 'slordig'. Whenever I submit sometning for review I always go over the diff to see is I missed anything that is no longer required and remove it WHY DONT THEY DO THAT TOO

And then their PR stays open for 2 weeks like they forgot about it and during standup they say 'its in review' like I havent already looked at your piece of shit code

FUCK

Can anyone tell me why is it good to use some crap language that transpiles to javascript? Yes i hate js too but 90% of my time using reason/ts/elm is just

>ddg how to do x in y
>no answer
>Js.unsafe.eval "js code"

Like???? None of them is a 100% complete wrapper???

Why do I code better when I'm drunk?

Why the fuck is 32 bit still a thing on modern windows? I'm trying to make a program that injects some CBT/Shell event handler code into all running applications and I have to do everything twice because the majority of my programs run in 32 bit mode and I can't inject my 64 bit dll... I hope that one day we will say goodbye to 32 bit for good. Fuck!

I sometimes wonder, why do I even code for android. -.-

FUCKING SHITTY PHP WITH NO FUCKING COMMENTS AND A JOKE OF A DOCUMENTATION WELL I DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHY THAT BUGS HAPPENING NONE OF THIS CODE MAKES SENSE AND IT APPEARS TO BE HELD TOGETHER BY DUCT TAPE AND PRAYERS AND IM GONNA LOSE MY MIND IF I SEE ONE MORE FUCKING 200 LINE FUNCTION WITH A NAME LIKE 'transformData' WHAT THE HOLY FUCK DOES IT DO I SWEAR TO GOD THIS CODEBASE NEEDS TO BE FIREBOMBED

Why do business and systems analyst even project managers try to give estimates for how long development should and will take? I hate how people who don't code and do any real work try totell me how long it would take me.

I have already done like 3 internships of 6 months now. And all the companies sucked!

Now the current company I work at is at least not a marketing company filled with cocaïne sniffing callcenter junkies. But why do they always lie so much. They promised free food and drinks and code reviews. What I get is a computer with an i5 and a fucking Jira account.

This is fucking annoying me, im hungry, thirsty and somebody should really check the code im about to push because it cant be good!!!

I really don't know how to please StackOverflow people. I did my due diligence on a bit of code but, like we all do, I got stuck and needed a bit of advice. I posted clearly and concisely and still my question got downvoted twice. What do they want? For me to post the question AND the answer? Only ask Ph.D.-type questions? Why am I never good enough for these people?!

Why are product managers always so irritating. I mean i understand they can't code, but then why do they have to be so nosy about status updates.

Its not like if i show progress to you it'll get done quicker. In fact more likely than not it will get delayed. Because you'll start realising things you haven't really thought about.

I somehow feel they are there to only make the entire environment just much more frustrating.

It's 00:54. I'm supposed to wake up at 8.30AM. Not even tired. In front of my computer, with a frozen Visual Studio Code on the left screen and a frozen Madeon music on the right screen.
My CMS won't get compiled anymore, due to lack of memory. I have 16gb of RAM, gave it 4 of them, and it froze. If I give it less, it just won't compile. Why. I can't figure out wether if it's my code which has some memory leaks or if there's just too much JavaScript in it. What did fuck up? My code? React? Material-UI? The way I want to mix them all together? Maybe I just shouldn't have used React to cover up everything, and maybe I shouldn't have used Ruby on Rails the way I did.

Fuck.

What do I do now.

Not too long ago, I was looking over my friend’s HTML with embedded CSS code. He had two separate style tags. I looked at him and asked: “Why do you have two style tags?”

He responds: “Because I’m a lazy boi”

To all of us who procrastinate. Here is my new thinking that is making me slightly more productive! I would guess we all agree that the work is fucked up. But what we need to be productive, is an ego big enough to think that we are the only one smart enough to fix it! Just let your ego go!

Why code that project? Because other people would do it wrong! You fuck up the project? Fuck you, do it right or it won't be done right! My internal monologue from now on!

Does this mean I don't ask for help? Of course I ask! So that I can learn it, realise the other person is an idiot, then do it right using their technology!

If you don't do what you are planning to do, nobody will! Also most of the worlds problems can be solved with money, so that is why we should get rich. To fix the problems of the world.

Hope it helps someone :)

Are there more people here who prefer codual over visual?

UML diagrams are fun and all, but I personally prefer to have a code example over an uml diagram when it comes to a few classes that work together. Not exactly sure why I prefer it that way, in my head I translate uml to code in order to understand it better and if you show me a piece of code I don't have to do that translation.

I wonder what you guys' thoughts are 🤔

Being lazy taught me more about (code) automation that years of study ever did.

“Ugh! Updating translations is boring, why do I have to do this manually?”

“Damn I really hate having to remember endpoints”

“Oh, come on! Its the third time I initialise this the same way!”

I’d love to say this is a motivational speech or something but no, im just lazy lol

I can barely code properly while sober. Why would I introduce drunkenness into that equation? If drinking impairs driving heavy machinery, by what logic would it do anything to improve writing code?

I was telling someone who never indents any of his code to indent it properly.. He was like "Why should I do that? Will it make my code run faster?"

In highschool, I was looking around for schools and universities at which I would start my student career. I went to a grad school one day, to see what it was like to be a student there. The first class I visited was programming for embedded systems. We got the assignment to write Java code to control a boom barrier. The teacher had written the template. And I kid you not, the template had a method of around 20 lines of code - without comments - with the purpose of carrying out a logical OR operation. An operation that literally can be done using an operator in Java: |

Why oh why do they let these people teach, with the result that the students will get used to these bad practises...

Went thru some code today, found this...

WHY WOULD I EVER DO THAT?!
(It's fixed now, and yes, I still have all my tables in my db.)

Why do most apps have a password reset page that redirects to a mobile site ?

Why not give them a code they can enter into the app which would then show a password reset page within the app or a link which opens the page within the app.

Isn't it good practice to keep the user within the app?

Isn't it better to serve a token than serve an entire html webpage for the server.

I've been thinking about this but 90% people follow the website pattern and Idk why. Am I missing something ?

Please fill me in on it. (Even devrant uses the same pattern)

why do people hate java? it is the most elegant and simple language one can learn and code powerful apps and software. i don't get it

Slogging through half baked code, I wondered to myself... Who the fuck is Robert and where is he?

Quickly searching through Google and finding a handful of results I see that he had left long ago. Probably leaving for good reason. I'll never be able to ask him though. Never will I know why he left. He probably has a very sensible reason, but goddamn do I wish he left something that I could use to discern what he has created.

There is no documentation, no reasonable information about why anything was built the way it was, only just mountains of rusty ass baren code to scale down.

Why do big companies hire such loser engineers ??? I mean what the hell man. When you are hiring a fresher to code they should at least know how to apply/write a for loop. I once had a colleague who assigned each array element individually instead of writing a for loop and asked me why I refused to approve his stupid code. What do I reply to this ? It was so dumb, I could not articulate an answer.

Found this beautiful piece of code, that I wrote apparently a year ago .... oh my 😂 🤦‍♂ 😅
If I could travel back in time, I would would slap myself for doing this. Although I remember, why I did this, because of many min()/max() operations that I needed. I wanted to keep the code, so that I would know, which code piece belonged to which part, but man ... is that badly written! Nowadays with Clean Code style, I would certainly do it differently.

Manager:
Hey this client sent us a list with all of their employees in this format... we would tell them to input it themselves but they're a pretty big client, so could you do it?

Me: Sure

*3 hours later*
... why am I taking so long...?
I look back at my code, and see that I've done a whole framework to input data into our system, which accepts not only the client's format but it's actually pretty abstract and extensible for any format you'd like, all with a thorough documentation.
*FACEPALM*
Why can I do this with menial jobs and not for our main code?

Tired of dealing with shitcode, that's all I always inherit. Maybe I picked the wrong career? or maybe I shouldn't have even read about things like SOLID or picked up Clean Code.

Then again if I hadn't, I wouldn't be where I am. But I'm unhappy. Why do I always get these projects where the poeple who wrote them (and dissappeared) clearly had no proefficiency on the used tech stack.

Am I ever gonna be part of a project with an actual lead/architect, who strives for the code not to rot?

Maybe I'm just being a little bitch whinning over this?

Halp!! the more I code, the more I hate it. It wasn't like this when I was the architect. But I didn't make as much money as I do now...

What do I do

My (pseudo)code:
//Cursor1.Open ()
//Cursor2.Open ()
//Cursor2.DoStuff ()
//Cursor2.Close ()
//Cursor1.Close ()

Prof: Why do you have Cursor1 in there if you don't use it?
Me: Because it doesn't compile if I take it out.
Prof: Why?
Me: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I miss the shit I could get away with in grad school.

Why are people behaving like communist dramaqueens on every OSS repo?
Why do OSS libraries and frameworks have to be political cunts and insert *the current thing* into every god damn console message of their tooling and on their websites?
Stop it. Get some help.
I want to code, not be a aborted political SJW fetus. Let me fucking code in peace.

I do wish that we could have a dev dating site. Why? Cause I cannot give my girlfriend enough time and then she gets moody and then this leads to breakup.

Now I have to freaking choose between her or code this is bad, bad.

If we devs get dev gf she knows how things work and things would work out

I hate those morons who do QA by simply clicking around. You are a disgrace to people like me who like to code and still enjoy doing testing.
Get a life you fuckers. You are the sole reason why many people in industry thinks that QA is something anybody can do.

Yes, I agree you can test the application, but in no way you could ensure the quality of the product.

Why is it ok for a girl to live off her husbands salary and not vica versa? Like fuck it ill do the dishes and play games all day and to hell with my 9 to 6 job. Starting to seem the only way i’d be able to code what i want not what im asked too 🤷🏻‍♂️

Why do people always start new projects a month before the company closes for Christmas?

I told them how tired I am, plus they know I've just come out of final year computer science degree exams, and at the end of a massive code and infrastructure migration. My brain is absolute paste.

I was hired to a working team that is full of experienced people who know how to code but half the team is awfull at solving problems, and all they do is blame each other... why cant they understand we are one team and rather work on solution for 30 minutes they spent deciding who fucked up...

Not really a rant but more of a fact kinda thing. Noticed a post earlier about someone ranting about why they code figured I'd do the same...

I code not because I wanted to for say but because my after my uncle's death I needed something that I could feel in complete control of. Coding gave me that ability to control the computer however I want and tell it to do whatever however. At the same time it taught me so much more about myself and the people around me in the process. Today I don't code because I need to control something m today I do it because I can't live with out. It forces me to think critically of everything and everyone. It forces me to learn something new everyday and every night. It requires me to solve complex problems with limited solutions. It allows me to create solutions when everything else has failed and it gives me a drive to complete things. It's the reason I live technology and it's the reason I have the job I do. It's the reason my boss loves my work and it's the reason other people on my team envy me. Code transformed my life into what it is today. And it will forever be my greatest peice of education.

So I'm writing this code, that does 2 important things, that cannot be seperated. I run the code, thing1 is correctly executed, thing2 not. No fucking idea, why this happens. Execute again, same result. Debugg the wohle thing, now everything works fine.
WHAT?
I check the code, there are no background tasks, no paralell processing, nothing that should go wrong.
Asking a Senior developer for help, he also has no fucking idea. He tells me to try to wait one second between the two things. Looking for a delay() or wait() function in my programming language but there is none. Ok, building my own delay, writing a "do 1000 times" loop, calculate some shit in it. Execute the code, it works perfectly.

Nobody has a fucking idea, why this is happening and why this solution is working, but now the code is productive and it works fine.

So today I started working on a code base someone else wrote and stubled across this and thought it was worth sharing.

Why somebody would be doing something like this is beyond my understanding.

Not commenting on the empty catch block keep in mind the whole snippet has nothing to do with rest of the code...

WHY!!!!!?!?!?!?!

Why do teachers tend to not explain parts of their code?
I got some C++ material and example code for doing some rendering, and the material says "these parts are not important".
Guess what? If the whole thing does not compile when i remove the unimportant code, it was fucking important!

Goddamit now that school's started I don't have time to code any more. Why can't I just not do school and code all day gahhhhhhhhhhh

I don't know why they made so many algorithms, data structures and big O questions during interview, when all they wanted me to do was to maintain some legacy, tight coupled, spaghetti code with no architecture, documentation, tests nor any kind of engineering behind :/

Why am I so stupid? I still don't understand programming after three years of studying on my own. I even went to a programming boot camp and got a c.s Degree. Just tell me that I'm not a fit for programming so I can quit. It seems to me like I don't know anything, I feel like I can't learn for shit. What am I missing, why can't I write code on my own? Why do I always need people held my hand? Why I don't understand anything?

Always thought writing free code is devaluing yourself. So, the stories coming out how the most popular used libraries' dev/maintainer having no income, complaining afterwards doesn't surprise me.

Why do people devalue themselves? I have no idea.

So opinions: should a software engineer get certifications? I mean, to me they seem like pointless wastes of money, but my coworkers don't seem to think so. I design and write code, why do I need MCSD or whatever? Follow up, if you feel they are useful: which ones and why?

You know you're in for a fun time when you open code you wrote the previous night and a comment starts with "Fuck this, it works, sober me can deal with it"

Why do I do this to myself .-.

So, i just spent an hour and a half looking at a 4 line section of code wondering why it wasnt working correctly...

I had to add 1 fucking line in outside of the brackets...

I hate myself, i truly do.

Scala's default Seq is MUTABLE. Why the fuck do I want mutability in my functional scala code!?

Now I have to riddle my code with imports to scala.collection.immutable.Seq which looks just ugly.

Gosh dangit.

I am reviewing a piece of code as I type this, and I just had to make a rant about it. In the code there's all these measures for syncing multiple threads, while the entire thing runs does not even use threading. But that's not the worst: when an InterruptedException is caught, is calls Platform.exit() WHICH CLOSES THE FUCKING PROGRAM. WHY WOULD YOU EVER DO THAT?

As a rookie programming, I wrote really bad code and didn't understand why. Now, I've improved to where I know bad code, but I continue writing studios horrible solutions. And in the end up refactoring much until I don't have energy to look at my code anymore. This although knowing what I should/shouldn't do. Shame!

Why use git, do it simple, send me your changes by email and I will merge it.
Why split split source code (js) into different files, use one so we will no have trouble about load order.
Use the same user account for github/gitlab/bitbucket/etc. So we will no worry to setup access permisions.
Use Dropbox/Drive for version control.
We will test the whole system until the end when all is finish.

I fucking hate when people think they can do a better job not using a well tested library.

And then try justify why their code is better and quicker than using a library.

Just graduated, first real internship.
So basically I'm the only one who do what I'm supposed to do, nobody can help me because they are on project that are totally different. Even my superior who hired me don't know what my predecessor exactly did, he just gave me his gitlab and said "continue... Whatever this shit was".
So I'm alone and the code of my "predecessor" doesn't work obviously because the half of the files are missing, the code has no explanation and he's not joignable. I have to build an algorithm of deep learning from scratch and to do a presentation in one month to explain to everyone why I'm not useless.
Is it really like this everywhere?? Is it the reason why DevRant was created??
I read the quotes when I was in school like "oh no c'mon that really never happened". Foolish boy I was..

But there's nice coffee

I came into work with a skip in my step and was actually feeling positive for once.

That all came crashing down when a guy I despise who has half the experience I do and even less seniority than I do got promoted above me before I did.

This guy is a talentless, boring, irritating hack who rides the success of others and does everything to glorify his ego. He shits on everything he doesn’t like and no one likes him. I guess that’s why he’s on the fast track to management.

I asked why I haven’t been promoted yet, despite being the technical guru on the team and having professional accomplishments that make his look silly in comparison. Their reason “well he comes in earlier than you”. Well guess what fuckers. I still get my work done and I stay later. Seriously, fuck this place.

This guy also worked with me on a past project. I use “worked” loosely because he did nothing but sit there and criticize everything while doing minimal code. When the company we were doing the work for folded he demanded to be paid his full portion, and I got jack shit despite having done all of the fucking work.

This guy...seriously...why do people who do fucking nothing get the glory? Why do I even fucking try?

It's only Monday. Why do i feel so tired. T_T

Today's work:
- 3hrs check point meeting on Project A
- quick API fix, testing and dev assistance on Project A
- prelive deployment of Module B
- code review and enhancements for Script C
- prelive deployment and testing for Script C

I love coding. I enjoy the clickety-click of my keyboard and the joy of creating code that does something, to help the world be a better place. So why does upper management feel the need to bog me down in process paperwork, tickets to count my widgets, and endless endless emails and spreadsheets to prove that I have work to do. What are the time savings, priorities, cost avoidance... Blah blah blah... #IdRatherBeCoding :)

I always had this mentality that I shouldn’t rely on a certain library or framework for my entire project because what if one day they stop supporting it. (Yeah I’m talking to u vuetify) That’s why I came up with this code structure that for everything that I wanna do I have a ‘driver’ library all coded by myself that interacts with that third party framework or library so if they stop supporting it I could just change a couple of lines of code in my driver file and my codebase should be working again. But I feel like this ‘driver’ approach is not the most efficient way of going in terms of memory usage. Do you guys think I should keep it simple and directly use those libraries or this is actually not a bad approach.

GOD I FUCKING HATE UNITY AND FUCKING C# SO MUCH
EVERY TIME I TRY TO MAKE IT DO WHAT I FUCKING WANT IT TO IT'S LIKE "mmmmmm nah lmao" LIKE FUCK WHY CAN'T YOU JUST FOLLOW FUCKING 3 LINES OF CODE NO MATTER HOW I PUT THEM OR ORDER THEM YOU BRAINDEAD FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT PROGRAM

Things I get paid for but shouldn't:
Yesterday afternoon with an extra half hour staying late trying to work out why my code doesn't do what I think it should be doing.
Things I don't get paid for but should:
The 5 minutes in the shower this morning when I worked out what I'd fucked up.

My dumbass fucked up a good interview by looking down on the company I was interviewing for unintentionally (:
They outsourced the "core" finance code to a 3rd party B2B provider and I was like "oooooooooh so y'all are only a wrapper? That explains why you didnt do super-crazy background check on me hahaha"

I ended up sounding suspicious af :'v

Me maintaining my own old code, questioning why the fuck I thought it was a good idea to intertwine UI and logic. I gave up trying to do some major updates and started work on version 2 instead.

This is how my coworker does code reviews... imagine comment on a line of code:

"Oh why does this not do this and that.
Edit: Oh I've read few lines below, now I understand. But this may break when this and that.
Edit: Nevermind I realized, that never happens, forget about it."

Let me just emphasise, that this is single comment, so it's basically editted multiple times, before submition.

Like wtf, just delete the comment then?!

!rant

I've always been wondering why do tech companies need everyone to have a strong grasp of algos and data structures?

I've been coding most of my life but didn't get a CS degree so ended up in IT but I kind of want to get into a tech company as my thinking is the quality of code much higher (I spend a lot of time cleaning up other people's code and prod issues over the years...), I've been learning Algo/DS but when I see those technical questions on CareerCup, I go WTF.... it's this the kind of problems you guys do every day?

I inherited some code today. I am in the process of reworking it to drop into my framework so I can use it with our product. I am seeing this throughout the code...

try:
\do something\
except:
pass

Ahem... HANDLE YOUR DAMN EXCEPTIONS!!! DON'T JUST PASS THEM INTO THE BLACK HOLE OF NOTHINGNESS! FFS!!! Using pass like this means "Fuck it. I don't care if this fails and I want NOTHING to tell management when it does. I want to blindly look into their frustrated eyes and say ..duhh, I don't know why it failed... Fuck troubleshooting. You know what, this job isn't meant for me anyways." My outer voice is politely saying "There is a better way to do this. Please allow me to show you." Meanwhile my inner voice is flipping tables and clubbing baby seals. /rant

Rant..
Realised I was working with the outdated version of JavaScript library and all my months effort needs redo. Shit!!! Why do devs change code so much that backward compatibility becomes an issue.....

I was recently asked to do tech support for an event being designed by webdesign and business students

All they asked me to do was generate a qr-code to their site. -_- took 10 seconds on a website. I even matched their color theme

Yet their rsvp system is to email an event account and they count the number of emails. Why wasn't I asked if I could set up a better system rather than a simple qr. I just learned about this and it's too close to the event to setup a better system and pitch it to them

Redux and ngrx look like a good way to do what you already do in a more verbose way and with a lot of boilerplate.
I love the idea of keeping the state of the whole app and the single source of truth, but... why so verbose? It's almost more the time spent to write boilerplate code than the time spent writing "productive" code

So I have this PO who is able to understand technicalities. He is also able to use postman and has access to our code - don't ask why. He is trying stuff out with our apis, looking through code to understand parts of the software, etc.
So there are two sides of having a PO who is able to understand us devs on a certain level:
On the one hand you can explain why story x is taking longer than expected. You can even discuss in a proper way, which is nice. On the other hand is he a bit over the top: when we plan stories he already analysed everything, put code into the story and is telling us how to solve an issue or implement a story.
The sad part is that none of my colleagues seem to be bothered by the fact that he is doing my work.
And recently i even heard a sentence like: "I do not understand why this story should have 3Sp. Would be way lower when I do it". Well.. then do it yourself freaking idiot.
That goes so far that he tells other teams how to fix their code when there is an issue, because he has access to the code and can (unfortunately) read it..

Very unpleasant. :/ So: do you guys have/had the same issues? Am I overreacting?

Why the hell are senior engineers coming to me me to debug and figure out issues? I don't even own this code..why should I care? Does your brain stop working as soon as you see the stack trace leave the code you have written? You are getting paid more than I do so go figure it out yourself. Why are you asshats even getting paid more than me? How did you even get there if you can't debug? Again why am i getting paid less than these asshats

So we have this team that deploys some code. We had a change in that code that "we" forgot about. Turns out, a dev on our team decided it would be cool to rename an endpoint. Why? Great question. Because. So this code gets deployed, but the call to that endpoint didn't get deployed. System 2 tries to call the endpoint, 404. We roll back, we're searching, after like an hour, we find it. We go to TFS to see who did it. The dev grabs my keyboard and starts checking diffs, somehow managing to skip their commit (from 5 months earlier). I take back my keyboard and *surprise* it was the commit that was skipped. WTF? Why did you rename that endpoint? What do you mean you didn't do it? It has your name right there!

I'm so PISSED OFF because of all the problem fixing I do. Most of the time, I take tutorials which have 6 steps a and 10 lines of code plus some config, and ALWAYS there is a problem somewhere, where it hasn't been covered in the guide. WHAT THE FLAMING FUCK? I literally spend days after days to figure out, that it's a problem with mostly one file/value, and no goddamn guide ever mentions the dependencies, if you don't have the defaults set for somewhat reason. And it's like this with every motherfucking tutorial I do to implement something, and most of the time I do understand what I'm doing, but THAT ONE VALUE/TRICK/FILE/SETTING/XML TAG/CODE TO A NUCLEAR SILO IS NEVER MENTIONED, WHY?!?!

Why printer services is stuck in time?

The windows printer spooler is old like my grandma. He fuck all the time but nobody wants to recode it ? I need to search for old driver a day long to make it fucking work at 10%

On linux generic printer driver do the job but cannot do all the things you want

Why is so fucking complicated all the time ? ( Don't think that scanner work you don't have de correct driver )

Solutions printer share the code for how de fuck i work ?

Well, I am not sure whether this is supposed to be about worst experience as a reviewER or a reviewEE so I'ma do both. First as a reviewer.

So, on my first project in this company, I introduced automated build scripting (read: suggested, was "volunteered" to do it, then had to bust my ads to get it done). Prior to this, our process was run the thing in Visual Studio a bunch of times (don't ask) and package the resulting files. Well, new requirements made this not sustainable.

So after many many meetings in which I assured my co-workers that the script wouldn't cock up and go sideways and format our server (HOW???) and showed them how to work it AND added all the features they requested. I finally send the script out for code review. Oh the joy. Questions like: "why did you implement this?" Came from the guy who told me to implement it. "Can you change the formatting?" I checked and no. "Why isn't this to the code standard?" Because the code standard doesn't include scripting languages.

And here is the piece that takes the whole piss soaked shitsicle pie "I don't understand why we're doing this in the first place. We have a build process already, why do we need a new one?" FUCKING REALLY?!?!? YOU WERE IN THE GODS DAMNED MEETING WHERE WE DECIDED TO DO THIS!!! SET OUT THE REQUIREMENTS!!! LITERALLY EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THIS SCRIPT YOU WERE THERE AND YOU'RE ASKING WHY WE'RE DOING IT NOW!?!?! Fucking hell. I forced it through anyway because I had the higher ups all signed off on it, but seriously. Just because we're doing something new that slightly inconveniences you, doesn't mean it doesn't need to be done. Stop being afraid of change.

Side note: these people actually would regularly hold up process and product improvement because change is scary.