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Search - "you fucking with me?"
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This is fucking annoying with some clients.
Client calls:
Me: Hello, how can I help you?
Client: *explains problem*
Me: *tells possible solution*
Client: you sound young, could you connect me to a more senior person?
Me: Sure.
Collegue: Hello, how can I help you?
Client: *explains problem again*
Collegue: *gives same solution as me*
Client: Oh uhm but that's the same solution the boy I had on the phone before you told me.
Collegue: Yeah......?
Client: well he sounded so young...
Collegue: Being young does not equal being inexperienced/less knowing about something.39 -
Big event. Massive traffic in production, so we were monitoring all night.
I was in a room with 2 devs of my team, a marketting girl, my boss and a designer... chilling.
Suddenly the production is down.
Boss: production is down, anyone can check?
Me: already on it
Dev1: it looks ok for me
Dev2: me too
Me: wait what? Impossible everything is down
Dev1: oh I refreshed the page it's not working
Me: don't stay on the page refreshing it like you are fucking monkeys. Give me useful intel or be quiet.
Market girl: is it working?
...
Guys is it working?
...
Hello?
Me: Not yet we are looking. Don't distract me.
Boss: client called us. They want it online now.
Dev1&2: he's looking
... 1 min later...
Boss: is it working?
Boss: is it working?
Boss: is it working?
Me: SHUT THE FUCK FOR FUCKING ONE SECOND. ALL OF YOU, OUT NOW. YOU ARE FUCKING MONKEYS WHO CAN'T DO SHIT. IF YOU CAN'T HELP JUST SHUT YOUR DAMN SHITHOLE. DEVS, LOOK WITH ME. MARKET GIRL PREPARE A FUCKING POST-MORTEM MAIL. BOSS GET THE CLIENT ON THE PHONE AND STALE. DO. YOUR. FUCKING. JOBS.
That's how I ended up screaming at everyone... the rest of the night went in complete silence and I fixed the issue 2min after the got quiet or busy.24 -
So this fucking happened today.
Me: *sees support ticket coming in about some kind of login issue*
Me: *opens issue*
"Hello, I can't seem to login. There's an error"
Me: *sighs and thinks "at least give me that FUCKING error message then." *kindly replies with asking if they could send me the error message*
"Here it is. I don't understand what is going wrong
and what I have to do"
Me: *looks at error message*
"Invalid customer ID. Please make sure that your ID is correct. You can find it in the activation email we sent you when you registered".
😐 😶 😦
Me: *thinking okay what the fuck, are you fucking retarded or something?*
Me: *kindly replies: "It seems that you are not using the correct customer ID. You might want to look for it in the activation email we sent you!"*
"Oh okay thanks, how did you figure that out?"
Me: 😵 😐 😶 😭 🔫
Seriously what the actual fucking fuck.28 -
Me: "Hey, I see you've started your class name with a lowercase letter, It's common practice to start it with a capital letter"
Co-worker that started two weeks ago with almost no experience in c++: "Oh, right. You women and your rules, you must know it then"
Me: *Awkward laugh* *Thinking as long as he changes it i'll let that one slip* *Sends him coding standard guide just in case he doesn't believe me*
-- Two days later --
He still didn't fucking change it. It pains my eyes to look at it each time he asks me for help. Oh and stop calling me "miss", I have a name.46 -
When someone's calls and completely loses his shit (swearing etc etc) because we HAVE TO FUCKING HELP HIM BECAUSE THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE RELY ON THIS SITE WHICH IS DOWN.
Explained him calmly that its an unmanaged server which we literally don't have access to. Keeps on calling me all kinda things and then says he'll email some login details.
Bossman walks in, collegue goes like 'yo guess what just happened with linuxxx!'
Le me explains the story.
Bossman: email me his number. I'm going to call him. You treat my employees with fucking respect.15 -
FUCK YOU SHITTY FUCKING DICK HEAD!!!.. I'M FUCKING TIRED OF YOUR FUCKING BULLSHIT ABOUT "YOU'RE A PROGRAMMER... YOU MUST KNOW HOW TO USE PHOTOSHOP!"... OR "SUCH A SHITTY PROGRAMMER YOU ARE... DON'T YOU KNOW HOW TO FIX MY COMPUTER"... OR "CAN YOU MAKE ME AN APP?... IT'S LIKE OTHER APP BUT BETTER, I CAN'T GIVE YOU MORE DETAILS BECAUSE IT'S CONFIDENCIAL, SO YOU GOT TO DO IT WHIT OUT KNOWING WHAT THE FUCK YOU HAVE TO DO"... GO TO FUCK YOURSELF WITH A TRUCK FULL OF DONKEYS FUCKING IDIOT!!!... STOP TALKING BULLSHIT AND GET AND FUCKING LIFE YOU ASSHOLE!!!... sorry about my english for those who read25
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FUCK YOU, STOP FUCKING WITH ME! my stupid fucking colleague has just replaced all the semi colons in my repo with Greek question marks for the 5TH FUCKING TIME THIS MONTH. it wasn't funny to start, it isn't funny now, so take your fucking rat-like grin and hyena laugh and FUCK OFF AND WORK! fuck me28
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Started talking about Pi-Hole (still trying to install this fucker by the way) today with a collegue.
He had it installed and showed me around a little.
CW: Alright give me an example then I'll show you wildcard blocking.
Me: google.com 😅
CW: *enters and saves it. then tries to load anything related to google.com*
*no google.com domains load, all give a blocked error*
Me: Works great!
CW: Yup.
...
...
...
...
Me: Uhm so you aren't like surprised that I went with google.com as example and that I'd genuinely would block it?!
CW: No, why would I be?
Me: Well, most people consider me paranoid/crazy the second they find out I don't want to use google/google's services.
CW: well that's fucking retarded. why would anyone redicule you for not using something you don't want to use. You'll have your reasons.
Me: So if I'd say i do it for privacy reasons, you wouldn't find that redicilous?
CW: No, why would I? Not using google (and for that matter facebook etc) for privacy reasons is very logical really.
FUCKING. THANK. YOU.22 -
At ATM
Options
- cash only
- cash and balance
- cash and receipt
- cash and balance and receipt
Choice
- cash only
Questions
- would you like to see your balance
Then
- would you like a receipt
IF I WANTED A FUCKING RECEIPT OR TO FUCKING CHECK MY BALANCE THEN I WOULD HAVE MADE THAT CHOICE WHEN YOU FIRST ASKED ME. YOU FUCKING CUNT.
I EXPLICITLY CHOSE “CASH ONLY” SO JUST FUCKING ASK ME HOW MUCH I WANT TO WITHDRAW AND THEN LET ME GET THE FUCK ON WITH MY BASTARDING DAY!!21 -
FUCK WORDPRESS TO DEATH!
Seriously, I have a degree in computer science and I can't for the fucking lfie of it understand the fucking architecture of fucking WORDPRESS!
How many fucking times when developing fucking shitty wordpress sites for clients you spent 66% of the time debugging some stupid fucki9ng shit related to the retarded monolithic fucking stupid architecture of this huge retarded abomination which should be killed in a fire with dragonfire.
How many fucking times while using trellis sage bedrock mother fucking super uber framework bubblegum you find yourself struggling with the fgucking broweser shit sync or some other fucking stupid bubblegum fix shit to make wordpress even remotely a decent experience to work with?
Even when buffed with a fucking shitton of boilerplate shit code from people who want developers to not fucking kill themselves while working on this fucking piece of shit framework the developing experience with wordshit makes me want to blow my fucking brains out with a desert eagle.
I seriously can't fucking stress how fucking shit this whole framework is and I seriously hope people stop using it for good. Wordpress was made by a bunch of fucking retarded monkeys who barely knew how to write afucking hello world.
This is the last fuckign time Im ever going to accept a wordpress project from my clients this fucking framework has driven me mad for fu cking years and i've finally had it with thsi fucking piece of shit framework and i fucking hope it gets buried 1000 km down and never dug up ever fuckign again.
Wordpress is the single most fucking horrid abomination that has ever been created in the fucking history of the tech industry.68 -
B: you are not even a real developer
Me: ??
B: you are using windows
Me:
Me: what the fucking fuck did you just fucking say you little fuck? Ill have you know i have written at least 4 lines of code, commented once and have a stackoverlfow reputation of -7. I have completed every beginner level udemy course on applied brainfuck mathematics and have worked as a distributed data analyst with excel 03. You are nothing to me, every piece of code i write runs on exactly 3 billion devices and i have an unsuccessful facebook meme page. Bitch.5 -
I fucking hate CNET already. I mean who likes a website which autoplays a video everytime you visit them, with 200% volume.
But this time, I am just so fucking annoyed. Here is the title of an article:
"iPhone 8, X's wireless charging is a game changer for Android"
And the subtitle:
"When it comes to Apple, plenty of Android phone makers are monkey see, monkey do."
FUck you motherfucker. "Monkey see, monkey do". Are you fucking kidding me you cunt?
Remeber your 3D touch bullshit? Your fucking wireless charging will be bullshit too.
"the rest of the phone users make do with messy cables."
Maybe you're a fucking imbecile who doesn't know how to manage simple cables and ends up with broken wires.
You know who looks like a monkey? Some apple users who uses that shitty looking wireless earphone, which looks like monkey's dick you asshole.
Fuck off!18 -
What the fuck!? Did you just fucking say you don't want to discuss API endpoints with me because I'm just a frontend developer? Get the fuck down from your imaginary backend throne and talk to me like the software engineer that I am. That's right, I'm a software engineer too, you fucking asshole. Just because you do backend and I do frontend doesn't mean you can talk down to me. And I swear that the next time you say you made all the work and I just have to "style it" I'll just leave. You can "style it" yourself.34
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Do not continue reading if you value your life.
Visual fucking studio 2015 installation. MOTHERFUCKER !!!
OK new project will only work on VS2015. Need to download it. OK, go to MS website. Project works with community edition. Fucking great. Download the installer. Run the installer. MOTHERFUCKER DON'T OPEN THE FUCKING BROWSER TO THANK ME, YOU FUCKING FUCK. Ok...Wait to download the packages. One fucking eternity later download completes. FUCKING GREAT. Proceed to package installation. After two fucking hours installation progress bar stays the same. Google "vs 2015 installation stuck windows 7". MOTHERFUCKING BACKGROUND PROCESS IS FUCKING STUCK AND INSTALLATION DOES NOT CONTINUE. FUCK YOU. I'VE LOST TWO HOURS. OK, stop the process. Installation gets cancelled. Run the installer again. STOP THANKING ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT :@ OK, check again all downloaded packages. All good. Continue with installation. Installation completes. MOTHERFUCKER WHY YOU WANT TO RESTART THE WHOLE SYSTEM ? FUCK YOUR WINDOWS UPDATES. Ok, restart and be done with it. SSD to the rescue. Try to set up the project.
MOTHERFUCKER I DIDN'T INSTALL THE C++ PACKAGES. WTF WERE YOU DOING ALL THAT TIME? OK, run installer again and install C++ packages. I SWEAR TO GOD MICROSOFT, IF YOU THANK ME ONE MORE GODDAMN TIME, YOU'RE GETTING HATE MAIL.
Ok, installation completes. It's coding time. NO BITCH. VS2015 silently crashes after splash screen. :@@@ Google wtf is wrong again, turns out the C++ packages fuck shit up. Ok, pass some arguments to devenv.exe to reset. Restart VS. Ok, seems to be working now. Make a test project. Fucking awesome. Close VS and get the project files from perforce.
OK, files downloaded. Open VS again....
VS: "You're my bitch, you won't code today. Run from console and pass some shitty reset parameters"
YOU FUCKING FUCK. GO FUCK YOURSELF UP YOUR FUCKING ARSE. Ok, pass the parameters from console. Run again. Same "you're my bitch message" :@ OK, run with administrator rights, opens like charm. Run without admin rights again, "you're my bitch message". :@@@@@
Restart system, VS2015 finally opens project normally. Build project, 6934 errors.... :@ I'M DONE ! IM GOING BACK TO LINUX PROJECT. FUCK YOU ALL.18 -
If you use Google photos: fine, your choice.
If your choice of using Google photos results in a picture with me in it getting uploaded to Google: I'll fucking end you.45 -
*after 2 hours of programming*
Me to me: you can watch one episode of [some series]!
Me to me after that episode: just one more couldn't hurt for once!
...............
...............
...............
*five hours later*
Me: "what am I doing with my life 😭
This happens too fucking damn often 😫11 -
FUCK YOU TOO COFFEE MACHINE!
HANDING ME YOUR STUPID FUCKING SHITTY WATER BACK. YOU'RE SUPPOSED BREW SOME FUCKING COFFEE TO FUCKING MAKE ME AWAKE WITH ONE FUCKING HOUR OF SLEEP NOT PISS IN MY CUP!
I'll just go back to bed...5 -
Dear Microsoft,
Thanks for not completely fucking up Github. At least you didn't integrate Office365, allow only Azure deployments, or force downloading repos through OneDrive or something.
But like most developers, I don't deal well with changes to familiar interfaces.
So please.... STOP FUCKING TWEAKING THE BUTTON PLACEMENTS AND TEXTS ALL OVER THE WEBSITE.
(or at least send me a bottle of cognac and a box of chocolates before every UI experiment, so I can deal with it emotionally. I'm a very sensitive boy, you know).23 -
Ignorant sales people and PMs who confuse a program's UI with the whole thing and ask you: why it took you so long, you just had to add a save button?
Yeah, asshole, adding a call-to-action style save button only took me 10 minutes, making it save your fucking data reliably took me a whole week.8 -
Holy fucking hell!
Who the fuck sets up a local network with an 255.255.0.0 subnet mask and then lets the dhcp-server distribute clients onto the 192.249.x.x., 192.2.x.x and the 192.22.x.x networks AT FUCKING RANDOM???
I need to SSH onto 40 routers distributed across the entire campus and have a WORKING internet connection while doing so and you make me spin the connect-disconnect-wheel. Fucking hell dude, don't give me that "Uh, it wasn't intended for this size"-bullshit. You have about 200 active devices. And in one subnet you have space for more than 60 000. Fuck you, dumbass! OH, YOUR FUCKING LIST IS FUCKING WRONG AND YOU DON'T REMEMBER THE IP OF THE ROUTERS? OH FUCK YOU EVEN HARDER!!!
Goddamn people why does legacy maintenance always suck so much?😭😭😭4 -
Alright wikipedia, i see that you're in a crisis, but I just send 5€ your way. That should not be the fucking signal to unleash popup hell on me. Fucking 4 out of 5 pages now come with that popup. "if rveryone woukd just send $2..."
BITCH I SEND YOU 5€, STOP DEEPTHROATING ME YOUR UNGRATEFUL COCK10 -
I've had this twice in a very short period of time now and it really pisses me the fuck off.
Sitting in the train (I think the grammatically correct version is on the train but no that would be a little too dangerous for me I think), on my phone devRanting/Signalling/Rioting around when an an elderly person says (aiming towards me):
"Oh, youngsters and their technology, where has socializing gone? Why are you people always on your phones? Go socialize sometimes!"
Excuse me but fuck right off.
Because you know what, I am currently socializing.
Just not in the way you are used to or maybe even 'okay with'.
I'm talking with friends from all around the world (Signal + Riot), participating in interesting discussions (on here) and what not.
I do have very strict rules for myself though. When in company with people I am actually going to socialize with or when hanging out with friends, the phone goes the fuck away unless I NEED to be reachable.
But I'm on a fucking train with people I don't know and frankly I'm done with socializing for the day as I've had to hear (often stupid) people asking for help all day long.
Next to that, I don't know you, you don't know me, who am I to judge you? I'm not going to socialize with anyone here anyways and even if they'd like to, I'm fucking done with people for to-fucking-day.
Sincerely fuck off please.11 -
Excuse the profuse amount of profanity below.
Fuck this fucking fucked up motherfucker of a fucking director. Money does not make you a fucking decent person, and you come in here and tell me that you pay my fucking measly salary so I must be fucking grateful.
Starts off with a boardroom meeting this morning. Wireless connection on my laptop takes two minutes to connect, I get told that I am wasting company time and that the salary of everyone in the meeting is quite a lot ("with me being the highest"- cuntface director) so stop wasting time. Fuck you man, it's a fucking wireless connection. I am building your motherfucking company applications and doing web design and for what, so I can earn fuckall and be told that I am fucking wasting time. I am presenting your fucking site you wanted, so give me a fucking minute extra to start up the fucking wireless connection.
The fucking mails are taking long to send, great, let's come down and fucking scream at the dev who regrettably said he would try and assist IT (by calling the provider). I literally just got told that I am the following. 1) Fucking stupid 2) He is going to close the dept down because I apparently fuck up (yet again cuntface, your fucking mailserver is NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM) 3) He is going to contact an external company to come and check my work. 4) I am fucking useless. 5) I telling him lies (yeah fuckface, I worked as a sys admin, I know what a motherfucking DNS server is and what it does. you don't - so don't fucking tell me that I am lying when I tell you there is a DNS fucking issue, because you don't know what the fuck you are talking about - to top that off motherfucker, I FUCKING BUILT YOUR FUCKING SERVER AND YOUR FUCKING NETWORK. I FUCKING KNOW HOW IT WORKS AND WHAT THE FUCK I AM TALKING ABOUT).
On top of that, I got pushed out of the way of my own PC, my code got some fucked up gibberish in it (because he was trying to minimise my editor and he typed some in it, and now I have to fucking roll-back. He told me I am wasting company time and he will take my shit away from me if I download something again. It is an open network. I downloaded JAVA and fucking updated Sublime. Jesus man. What the fucking fuck.
"why is your gmail open?!?!" because I was testing your emails from an external network. "DON'T FEED ME BULLSHIT" (even though the top mail states "test"). It's the whole fucking "my money determines my dick size" mentality.
That being said, I got told that I need to work overtime, without pay, to resolve IT's issue, even if I have to on the weekend.
That being said,my new Dell that I had just bought (my own) got thrown on the floor and he fucked out of my office. Stupid motherfucker. I fucking earn nothing but cannot leave. I will find another job, and when I do - you can go and fuck yourself and your fucking degrading opinions. I am not fucking stupid, so fuck you.Fuck your company and fuck you. Cunt.33 -
In my 1st semester, they taught us C++ basics
In my 2nd semester, they didn't teach us shit about CS.
In my 3rd semester, they taught us C basics
In my 4th semester, they taught us Java basics
In my 5th semester, they are teaching us Scratch and Python basics
Can you be fucking done with basics already for fuck sake? I'm a fucking Front End Developer here interning with companies and getting paid whilst I pay a fucking huge sum as college fee and learn fucking basics I knew back in high school? And you're teaching me Scratch, what the fuck is wrong with you; kids in pre-school are taught scratch. Fuck you education system, India!
Which countries should I consider for my post grad?
I'm so fucking done here.24 -
I don't even know where to start with this rant!
I haven't paid rent for 3 months now.I haven't paid the WiFi and electricity bills too.Hell, I haven't even paid the fucking college fees and it's almost mid-semester.I have like 100+ other bills I haven't paid.I have exhausted loans from all of my banks and I am at the fucking end now!!!!
What's worse is that some motherfuckers owe me close to 4 million in local currency!!!The project was finished in April and until now they can't fucking pay me because their "CEO has not signed the cheque". Motherfuckers, we were all in the same room when we agreed on the pricing.That half-assed CEO was also there!
What the fuck is wrong with people?WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?????
How many fucking times do I have to come to your stinking shit office to follow up on payments.How many fucking times????How many fucking times do I have to see new V8s parked outside your office yet you claim you still collecting the funds.How many fucking times?!!?
Please fucking pay me!.I fucking need that money stupid.I don't survive on eating flies! FTW!9 -
Coworker: You've merged the wrong PR. It is broken.
Me: is it marked as broken? Is there a mail marking it as broken?
Coworker: yes. I wrote something in the chat.
Me: 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕
I do NOT read and click every brain fart from the chat. I had the PR (as reviewer and dependent developer) open on my desk and waited for the coworker to fix his merge conflicts.
OK then, try to revert. Git reset hard. Push -f. Policy does not allow master modification. 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕
Fuck this company. Fuck the policies. Fuck them all with a chainsaw. Forced me to work 2 weeks more. 17.04 should have been my last day at this circus. Let 3 other guys go to vacation while I have fix their management's mistakes. Fuck. You. All. Eat shit and suffocate in piss.8 -
"Do you like your job? I mean, all those collored lines in that funny font... sitting at the desk with this adorable rubber duck... Do you guys jus".....
.
.
.
.
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.
.
.
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Me: "SHUT UP YOU STUPID ASSHOLE!!! I MADE 26 COMMITS DURING THIS FUCKING DAY, THE DAY THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE LAST WORKING DAY OF THIS SHITTY YEAR! I HAVE NOT SLEPT AS I SHOULD AT ALL CAUSE THIS FUCKING MIGRATION OF NEW YEAR'S UPDATE AND NOW... AHH NOW YOU STUPID FYCKING PSYCHO... NOW I HAVE TO CONTROLL MYSELF DURING NEXT DINNER WITH FRIENDS, HAVE NO MUCH ALCOHOL CAUSE DURING SUNDAY, EVEN ITS A FUCKING HOLIDAY AND EVEN IF I AM IN A LOOONNGG HANGOVER, I DO STILL NEED TO COMPLETE THIS FUCKING NEW YEAR MIGRATION YOU ASS PUNK! GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU LITLE USELESS TINY LITLE SHIT!!!"
And this is how I see my new years resolution: the time is priceles doing this questions to me...
Happy new year, fellazz! 💃🎆🎉2 -
So many interruptions!
So many distractions!
I just want to fucking finish this refactor. I dont' care about meetings, texts, bloody office game tournaments, lunchtime, gossip, or people trying to be friendly. Just let me fucking work!
If you see me rocking out with my headphones on and working furiously, seriously, just don't fucking interrupt. I'll bite.16 -
Ranted about him before. The to the max windows fanboy. But next to being that, he had the habit of shooting down any and every idea/suggestion etc I had. Which is still quite 'fine' if you come up with good alternatives but he only came up with his own fucking preferences. (thing to keep in mind is that he wasn't even on our (me and one other guy) projects (!!!))
It would always go like this:
Him: soo, how are you planning on doing this?
Me: well I was thinking about {insert idea}.
Him: *wtf face* why?!?
Me: *comes up with constructive arguments*
Him: well, it's non of my business as I'm not on the project...... Buuuuuuut I'd do it with this: {insert anything in relation to Microsoft and the stack i said}.
It's bearable if that happens once.
It's annoying to fucking death when you hear that 10+ FUCKING TIMES EVERY DAY.
Every time I ended up completely boiling inside and getting the best possible practice at self-control. I never snapped even once.
When he finished his internship I talked to a colleague that he had to partner up with after a week or two to ask what he thought about that guy.
His reaction: he's a fucking disrespectful lowlife and a cunt. He was veeeeeeeeeery annoying with me and always shooting down my ideas but danm he was nearly fucking bullying/intimidating you every fucking day! He makes me fucking sick.4 -
Dear Android:
I know I'm not on wifi. I get it. Sometimes data coverage isn't amazing or the network is congested. It's cool. You can just flash "no service" and I just won't try. or even "3G" and I'll have some patience. I rember how slow 3G was. It's okay, I'll wait.
But fucking stop showing 4G LTE if you can't make a fucking GET request for a 2kb text file in less than 5 minutes! Fucking really? Don't fucking lie to me with your false hope bullshit, just tell me the truth and I'll probably sigh and say shit and put my phone away.
But fuck you and your progress bar externally stuck in the middle. As if to say you're making progress! Wasting my time!
If you can't download a kilobyte in a 5min period, why even say I have data at all? What good does that do me?23 -
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. I SPEND HOURS INVESTIGATING INCOMING & OUTGOING DATA. I CHECKED ALL THE CODE, I EVEN TEAMVIEWED A CUSTOMER WHICH WAS HAVING SOME ISSUES WITH MY APP.
TURNS OUT I FORGOT A FUCKING '/' IN MY FUCKING CODE. WHICH MEANS THE HOLE GODDAMN API URL MAKES NO SENSE.
WHY THE FUCK DO I ALWAYS OVERCOMPLICATE SHIT LIKE THIS.
FUCK2 -
Me: hello IE, you see that div with id?
IE: ...... ..... .... yes.
Me: would you like to set it as absolute and stick to bottom?
IE: ........... i don't know...
Me: but all the other guys like chrome and firefox are doing it.. come on it's not object-fit: cover; just absolute positioning. Please.
IE: ......... I can't!
Me: why the fuck not??
IE: ......because I don't see the id...
Me: FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT!!!!!
IE:...............12 -
Recruiter: We found you resume as a perfect match for this job, my client needs a Junior frontend developer ...., that sounds good to you?
Me: Yes, I’d like to apply but you have to be aware that I’m a Junior.
R: of course, don’t worry about it, please send your resume (ah? I thought you already have it) so we can go on with the process.
Me: ok.
... 5 fucking weeks of interviews later...
R: Hi, unfortunately we cannot proceed with you application, my client is looking more for a Senior FullStack Lord of the 7 kingdoms Master degree developer, sorry.
Me: u kidding me right?3 -
MOTHERFUCKING MICROSOFT!!! JUST SEND ME THIS FUCKING EMAIL !!!! WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!? EVERY FUCKING TIME IT TAKES TOOOOOOO MUUUUUCH TIME TO RECEIVE ANY FUCKING CONFIRMATION EMAIL!!! ITS FUCKING 2017 ALREADY GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER YOU PIECE OF SHIT11
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I hate it when clients force me to fix their fucking magentos with crappy javascript fuckarrounds because the shop is already a huge pile of fuck with window resize events fucking up all onservers. 4 jquery includes all messed up fucking each other in a cum gobbling bukkake because you never know which jQuery, $j, jsm or jFuckYou is bound to which library. I know i have to spill my own fuck all over that fuck. Frontpage slider is raping the search results for slides leaving dead meat in the results foreever. Fuck your fucking fuck you fucking fucker.8
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Multiple weird ones but one specifically where I fixed a bug over and over again and the second I pushed and deployed, the fix was gone both locally and remote.
I kept going more and more crazy and had rage attacks and such.
"Wait what, I changed and fixed this.. Let's try again"
"Huh, I definitely changed this..."
"Oh no, I fucking changed you"
"Go fuck yourself, I fixed this and pushed already, you can't just fucking disappear on me!"
"Oh yeah no of course, disappeared again, totally fucking logical. GET BACK HERE"
"I FIXED YOU A GAZILLION TIMES ALREADY, DON'T YOU DISAPPEAR ON ME AGAIN"
*NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. I. FUCKING. FIXED. YOU"
It went worse and worse for a while and then I woke up with a "....ahh" feeling 😅2 -
I just want to shout that I'm freaking tired of being used and not pay for my services because of fucking friendship!! WHAT THE FUCK!! IM DONE WITH YOUR CRAAAP!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT FUCKING PROJECT TAKES ME 3 DAYS TO FINISH AND YOU WILL JUST SAY THANK YOU?????!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!! :(16
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Just spent 3 hours trying to debug something that worked yesterday because SOMEONE thought he had a better idea of how to do it. Holy fucking shit. It worked perfectly and you started deleting my code because you didn't understand it. How about trusting that I know what I'm doing since idk I spent 2 weeks reading up on it to be able to write this. What pisses me off the most is knowing he only does this to my code because he doesn't trust me as I am a) younger than him and b) a woman.
STOP ALREADY. JUST FUCKING STOP. So fucking fed up with having my work scrapped in favor of yours because you are a fucking control freak and think I'm stupid.29 -
How can people be so fucking stupid?
Imagine I made a program with two buttons, one that says "click here for x" and the other that says "click here for y" and they are asking me where to click for x.. Really mother fucker? Do you really have a PhD? Might me a PhD on retardness!! fuck you, I'm on vacation...7 -
Fucking HR interviews. Fucking "tell me about yourself" and pretending to seem interested in what i have to say while you think about how you did it with a guy behind the dumpster.
For fucks sake, i am a developer, i have spent more time with coding language than human language. I speak more to a rubber duck than to my friends. That's what you want to know about me?
I am here to fix your fucking site that uses flash plugin in 2017 and you want me to tell good things about your company?
Do you want me to tell you the details about your site that i got from whois and that your subscribed domain registration will end in September this year?
You don't know what responsive design is and you dare interview me?
Thanks for wasting my time and telling me shit about your company and how you have offices in germany and china. Well guess what? I dont care. I am busy thinking about some girl... Actually i am thinking about my side project. I dont know why i pretend to be cool?7 -
Me - Lately, been working on Node.js, its fun.
Friend - Oh but it doesnt scale well, I hate that language.
Me - why do you think so? and its a VM, JS is the language.
Friend - Cos it doesnt scale, i heard from others.
Me - wut.
I fucking hate people who fucking blindly hate a technology / programming language.
Motherfuck, whats with these idiots blindly hating languages?
Every lang has its own use cases, why cant these twats understand that.
You use a tech as per needs, its not a fucking make-up.7 -
I got this coworker who ask me about everything every day. That is fine with me, but the way he does it is not. I always use noise-cancelling headsets. Every fucking time he walks up to my desk - and just stands there. And every fucking time I randomly turn my head and freaks out. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN STANDING THERE, YOU CREEPY CRETIN?!12
-
!dev
Getting my breakfast at a hema store, pay by card and my pincode (contactless paying by card is also a thing here) and walk towards the cutlery.
Random guy: HEY YOU! YOU SHOULD PAY CONTACTLESS. PAYING BY PIN IS VERY DANGEROUS. YOU HEAR ME? PAY CONTACTLESS FROM NOW ON!
Me: uhm I usually pay with cash tbh but I don't like paying contactless through card....
Guy: YOU REALLY SHOULD. THEY STOLE MY FUCKING MONEY WHEN I PAID WITH MY CARD + PINCODE.
😶14 -
Usually I do love my colleagues, but lately....
FOR FUCKS SAKE I AM NOT YOUR WALKING HUMAN GOOGLE SEARCH ENGINE SHITOVERFLOW CHATGEPETTO INSTANCE! READ YOUR FUCKING LOGS, DO A FUCKING INFORMATION LOOKUP, READ THE FUCKING MANUAL.
OH YOU HAVE A QUESTION YOU SAY? PLEASE FOR FUCK SAKE ELABORATE WITH SOMETHING MORE THEN 'Please help me with the pipeline"' WHILE YOUR ACTUAL PROBLEM IS A LACK OF KNOWLEDGE AND UNDERSTANDING OF GIT, LINUX OPERATING SYSTEMS AND AUTOMATION.
OH YOUR BRANCH IS, WHAT, 3 MONTHS BEHIND MASTER? NEVER HEARD OF A FUCKING REBASE? WHATS THAT YOU SAY??? YOU DONT KNOW WHEN TO SKIP A COMMIT??? ITS YOUR FUCKING CODEBASE! READ THE FUCKING DOCUMENTATION !!!
WHATS THAT? YOU WORK IN VSCODE AND YOU DO T K OW HOW? AGAIN READ THE FUCKING DOCUMENTATION !
Self.end(rant)11 -
Warning: contains swearwords!
Do you guy's also have coder-"friend" that:
- Always asks how to do things
- ask for code snippets
- steals your fucking code from Anydesk
- steals your passwords while testing
- steals your code from deobfuscated jar
- steals your jar and deobfuscate it
- steals your database to store stolen passphrases
- tries to convince you to build RATs for your users
- tries to convince you to build RATs for his users
- and so on...
??FOR FUCKING REAL THIS ISN'T EVEN ALL THAT HAPPENED TO ME!
HE IS A FUCKING SUCKER CUNT! HE PROMISED ME MULTIPLE TIMES THAT HE DELETED MY PROJECTS AND TELLS ME HE IS STILL USING THEM TO RESEARCH MY CODE FOR HIS CODE!!!
HE FUCKING RECORDED ME WHILE CODING WITH AN API I AM NOT USED TO WHILE I ASK HIM FREQUENTLY BECAUSE I HAVE NO CLUE AND HE THEN SENDS IT TO HIS FRIENDS TO PISS ME OF AND LAUGH ABOUT ME!!
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE WHY THE FUCK ARE ASSHOLES LIKE HIM NOT IN FUCKING PSYCHIATRY!
AND I CAN'T GET RID OF HIM BECAUSE I AM TOO FUCKING NICE!!
FOR GODS SAKE PLS LET A LIGHTNING STRIKE HIT HIM IN HIS FUCKING FACE!
AT FUCKING LEAST I GOT SENT AN IMAGE OF HIS ADDRESS SO I WILL SHIT IN A FUCKING BOX AND SEND IT TO THAT CUNT!16 -
Had this conversation with a friend a while ago (not dev related). He convinced me to start working on a design! (detail: he doesn't know me well, know him through a best friend but I consider him a friend)
Friend: *shows new tattoo* what ya think?
Me: awesome man! I still idk maybe want a tattoo too...
Friend: ohhh! What of?
Me: uhm well... my favourite music genre... uhm...
Friend: what's up with your doubts?
Me: well.... everyone always tells me not to tattoo anything relating to music because musical taste cab change easily...
Friend: may I guess the genre?
Me: yeah sure :)
Friend: hardstyle, maybe raw hardstyle/rawstyle?
Me: yup!
Friend: well why wouldn't you get a tattoo of it?!
Me: well, I mean what if my taste changes?
Friend: dude. do you have the slightest clue how fucking happy/energetic you look when you hear that music?! It'd be hard to imagine you losing your love for that genre! And if then, then what? That genre has gotten you through the darkest places, most difficult times and has pretty much made you into the person you are right now, even if you'd change factories genres, it'd be a reminder of how you beat getting bullied and became the person you are now!
Me: yeah.... but everyone keeps telling me that its not a good ide..'
Friend: fuck them. You love this music to the fucking point, you told me earlier that you'd like to start producing it!
Fuck those people. If you'd like it, go get that fucking tattoo!
I love that guy!
Anyone into electronic music production here? I could use some tips 😅14 -
Motherfucking WordPress coupled with motherfucking sales people.
If you promise the client something, please fucking relay it via the correct process (i.e the fucking ticketing system that took me a month to write for the company - it's seriously just a click away on your desktop.). "I told your boss" is not a fucking apt excuse.
My boss forgets, and well, doesn't give a fuck about procedure either.
Now you phone my boss and he phones me, on a fucking Sunday evening, telling me that the client was promised a website by tomorrow morning at 10AM. You tell me this at fucking 9PM.
Why didn't you tell me earlier? How the fuck am I supposed to shit out something I would be proud of in a few hours? Nevermind me fucking up my sleeping routine; how the fuck?
Conversation went like this:
"xyz was promised this site by sales person fuckTwit, I need this live by Monday morning. I have sent you a few images. Make it in WordPress, client says they want a 'tangy looking theme'.
Me: it's a bit unrealistic requesting this, is there no way we can extend the time so I have time to create this?
Also, what do you mean by 'tangy'?
Boss: don't know. Make it happen. No excuses.
What the fuck is a tangy theme? When I become a webDev at the company? More importantly, fucking WordPress?!
Now I'm sitting on this shit, tired as a manatee in mating season, and using goddamn WordPress.
I have to halt my irritation, because I get severely irritated when I'm tired, I have to restrain myself from telling the involved parties tomorrow to install the FuckYourself WordPress plugin, coupled with a resignation letter.
Same sales person got me in shit a while ago, because I refused to give him access to the network to download fucking cartoons. Sales director went and moaned that his bitch (the sales person) needs this for a presentation. Yeah fucking right.
Go Snorkelling in a sewer truck you egotistic, megalomaniacal, indecent, outrageous, horrible motherfucker of a person.
Time to develop a fucking website with, oh, a company profile pamphlet.
Times like this I keep telling myself, "my time will come, my time will come".14 -
I’m getting fucking tired of having this conversation:
Company “we need x”
Me “ok. In order to deliver x I need y”
Company “we can’t do that”
Me “ok. Then can I have y”
Company “nah ah”
Me “what about Q?”
Company “nope”
Me “okay. Well until you decide to provide me with the resourcing needed, this is getting deprioritized”
Company “wait this needs to be top of mind”
Me “okay. Provide me with y, and I’ll deprioritize other work”
Company “wait we also need that other work”
Me “you’re only getting one. Pick which one you want first”
Company “we’ll get back to you”
Me (muttering) “no you won’t”
Company “what?”
Me “what?”10 -
FUCK THE WORDPRESS ECOSYSTEM AND FUCK THE FUCKING ONE CLICK DEPLOYMENT LIES OH YES WITH WITH BITNAMI OFFERS YOU SHIT AND FUCK YOU FUCKK YOUUUU SERIOUSLY FUCK YOU MADE ME AN ANGRY AND SICK FUCK.6
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Had a discussion with a developer about security. His software transfers all user data (password and files) unencrypted, so anyone can grab them with wireshark. I told him that this is a severe issue. He said no its no problem because if you get hacked its your own fault, because you probably used an insecure network. NO ! YOU FUCKING MALADJUSTED SHEEP-MOLESTING OBJECT OF EXECRATION, YOU SHOULD ALWAYS ENCRYPT SENSITIVE USERDATA NO MATTER WHAT NETWORK YOU USE. FUCKING KILL ME ALREADY.
Not implementing encryption is one thing but then acting like its no problem is a fucking nother one. Why do people not understand that security of userdata is important???11 -
WHY THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP WASTING MY FUCKING TIME WITH POINTLESS MEETINGS ABOUT WHAT METHODOLOGIES YOU GONNA USE TO GET THE FUCKING DATA????
JUST GIVE ME THE FUCKING DATA AFTER YOU DISCUSS THIS SHIT AND TELL WHAT THE FUCK I HAVE TO DO WITH IT!!!
FUCKING WASTING MY FUCKING TIME AND WANTING SHIT TO BE DONE! WHAT THE FUCK!5 -
Goddamit Apple fanboys... I saw 5 tents infront of the Apple Store in Zürich switzerland today, I MEAN WTF ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE? SPENDING AT LEAST 1000 CHF (around the Same in USD) FOR A FUCKING PHONE WHICH IS FROM APPLE!? WTF?! WHY? WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT OF ALL THIS NONSENSE?! EXPLAIN THIS BULLFUCK TO ME!!13
-
Me doing monday morning Support because all of our fucking support members were not available.
Me: Can you navigate to the Installation path of our Software.
Customer: how?
Me: with the Windows File explorer
Customer: i dont have That
me: Explaining how to navigate to the install location (thinking: fuck my life)8 -
FUCKING TIMESHEETS!!!
"Have you got your timesheets?"
NO, I FUCKING DONT, BECAUSE I WAS ACTUALLY WORKING A ROLLOUT, MY FUCKING TIMESHEET ITS A FACT, SOFTWARE WORKS = I WORKED, SOFTWARE DOESN'T WORK FUCK ME IN THE ASS WITH A TIMESHEET!!!!!!!1 -
I have bank accounts with 5 different banks.
I HAVE TO use 4-5 different government websites.
Every fucking place: you cannot use these "~-/;^"(some others too) symbols in your password.
Are you freaking fucking kidding me!! And all of them have a limit of 12or15 characters.
If this wasn't mind numbingly stupid enough, they fucking go ahead and force you to change password every fucking month or two.
THIS IS NOT SECURITY. YOU SHOULDN'T FORCE SOMEONE TO LIMIT THERE PASSWORDS TO:
- CERTAIN CHARACTERS
- A 15 CHARACTER SIZE LIMIT
- THRN OVERTHAT, FORCE TO CHANGE PASSWPRDS PERIODICALLY.
ALL THE 5 MAJOR FUCKING BANKS IN INDIA.
FUUUUUCCCCKKKKK YOUU 🖕11 -
Client: hey ***, happy birthday can you help me fixing....
Me thinking: hell no, i deal with yall fuckers 364 days a fucking year and yall can't leave me the hell alone for one cocksucking day. I need this one damn day a year not dealing with yall assholes where i don't snap and drive 300 fucking miles to not drive a nail in a broomstick and drive it up your fucking asdls6 -
FUCKING FUCK JAVASCRIPT AND IT'S FUCKING 10000 DEVDEPENDENCIES.
LET ME FUCKING CODE AND WRITE TESTS AND NOT SPEND FUCKING ONE FUCKITY FUCK WEEK TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO FUCKING MAKE MOCHA AND KARMA PLAY WITH FUCKING ES6 CODE YOU FUCKING FUCKTARD PIECE OF SHIT TECH.
I NO LONGER FUCKING KNOW WHICH PACKAGES I FUCKING NEED AND WHICH I FUCKING DON'T FUCKING DUMBFUCK FUCKWIT OPEN AND HACKABLE MY BROWN ASS PIECE OF TECHNOLOGY STACK.8 -
If I have to register on your shitty fucking forum just to see the damn API docs to hardware I have bought with my own money, then you can go fuck yourself. This is absolute cancer. Now I have another useless service that is 100% going to send me annoying fucking emails.
Fuck you.6 -
If you wanna replace few of the carousel banners in your website, at least fucking send me the image with the same aspect ratio or resolution compared to the old images.
WHY THE FUCK YOU WANNA BLAME THE DEV TEAM WHEN YOUR GRAPHIC TEAM AND YOUR MARKETING TEAM IS SHIT?5 -
Front end guy: Somethings wrong with your server. My app is crashing.
* proceed to check logs. Everything fine
Me: Ok send me a log, a printscreen something. What calls do you make?
*send a printscreen with a failling 404 request
* You dense motherfucker learn your fucking http status. They are there for a reason😤3 -
THEY'RE ALL EXACTLY THE FUCKING SAME BUT UNDER DIFFERENT ACCOUNTS ARE YOU ACTUALLY FUCKING WITH ME RN9
-
I feel guilty when I spend time after work writing code, because there's that voice in the back of my head saying I should switch to leisure activities. "You've worked enough, don't sit all day, it's unhealthy".
Then I go for a walk or start planning something to cook. And there's still this weird feeling of guilt for not being productive enough, telling me I should learn a new programming language. "Work on your skills, you need to learn stuff to stay relevant in your field"
BRAIN, BE FUCKING CONTENT WITH WHAT I'M DOING FOR ONCE!
And stop fucking bullshitting me.
You're not trying to make me take a walk, you're not having my best interests at heart by making me learn or work.
I'm fucking on to you, you treacherous shitlitter of neurons. You're betraying me, and it happens every single fucking time I let my guard down.
I alt-tab out of my IDE, and within seconds you're there, impeding my intellect, making me click bookmarks to check the feculent streams spraying from the fingers of "friends" on Facebook.
I take a poop, and you just let me slide into a slowwitted state where I pick up my phone and stare at some crapfilled mire of memes.
You're the retarded digital-era id, wearing the disguise of a renaissance smart-ass ego, and you're dumping the fucking guilt on ME?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR MEMES, I'M GONNA BAKE A STEAK WITH MUSHROOM SAUCE AND WATCH PROGRAMMING VIDEOS WHILE DANCING.
NAKED.
(and maybe browse devRant later. I still love you, devRant)5 -
MARKETING FUUUUUCCCKSSSS!!!
The fact that I publish a contact email address on my GitHub profile for email about my fucking GitHub doesn't justify sending me unsolicited shit!! I get that you want your product out there, I get that you don't want to pay for.. you know, regular fucking advertisements, just like everyone else, because your product is entitled to special treatment, right?!
Let me tell you something, Yaren Sahin. Just like with Clark from InVision and the Chinese motherfuckers with their injection moulds from earlier, this is a clear reminder for me to avoid your unethical business like the plague! Fucking piece of shit!!
(better quality screenshot: https://i.imgur.com/ZL3ebFZ.png)
Which by the way I'm actually legally allowed to upload, because this email was unsolicited. You know, because unlike those marketing people I happen to know the laws a bit.rant at least they don't want to enlarge my dick github but no hot singles in my area? marketing fuckwit4 -
Thinking about this makes me pull my fucking hairs.
The fact that I have to look for the actual content in a website, among all the ads, prompts and fucking stupid design is fucking ridiculous.
Every fucking website is following this designs now. Always showing popups to subscribe to their fucking newsletter the moments you visit the site.
Can you please let me fucking read the content I require first?
"No fucking way. I will block 80% of the viewport with unnecessary stuff. I will place my ads on the left and right side. On the bottom, I will have a blocking div that will prompt you to subscribe to our newsletter. And on the top, we will have this huge fucking navbar which will take 30% of the view. That 20% area left in the middle? yeah, good luck on finding something useful in there"
Then there are this fucking cunts, that blocks the whole website the moment you enter.
"Oh, you need some information, right? Why not just subscribe to our emails first so that we can send your useless junks every now and then".
Oh my fucking batman, don't even remind me of those stupidass videos. Now 90% of the popular website will play a video immediately after you enter the website.
And guess what?! The volume will be amplified to 500% so that that's the sound you will ever hear in your lifetime.
The fucking web is becoming absolute shite right now. We really need a revolution here which makes the websites show the appropriate amount of ads and prevents them from doing all these stupids shits.5 -
Me: Ok, so send me your logo.
Client: Here it is <template.xlsx>
Me: What I am supposed to do with a fucking animated gif in excel spreadsheet ?
Client: I don't know you are the IT guy
Me: OK go fuck yourself.7 -
I'm really close to just quitting coding all together. This job is sucking the life out of me. I've lost my interest in code and the idea that there are better jobs out there.
My "boss" who's not even really my boss but behaves like he is, is micromanaging my every tag, and is an information hog. He doesn't document, he doesn't tell me anything, I've been here six months and still don't know half of what I need to know to do my job properly!
I'm expected to implement a new responsive design, but we don't have design specifications.
Cool, you'd think, new ideas, complete overhaul! Let's get a good foundation in bootstrap going!
WRONG! It needs to fit in with the old, fuck- ugly pre 2000 design.
Not because of any design constraints in particular, but because HE wants it that way. You know what was fucking trendy in 2000? Tables. Tables fucking everywhere. YOU KNOW WHAT TABLES ARE NOT? RESPONSIVE YOU FUCKING ICE LOLLY CHEWER!
We have no development timeline, no process management, no fucking project management. THE FUCKING PASSWORDS WERE STILL STORED IN PLAIN TEXT UNTIL LAST MONTH YOU IRRESPONSIBLE BANANA DEEPTHROATER! 😤😤😤😤😤😤
I'm doing my best here to get something resembling the old page, but there needs to be some fucking compromise! We are in fucking 2017, let's work with Bootstrap instead of against it, how about that you fucking bald cactus!
I know enough about UI to know that the way we're going, this is just going to be another unusable fucking clusterfuck.
YOU KNOW THE BEST FUCKING PART? I'M A FUCKING BACKEND DEV AND I WAS HIRED AS SUCH! GIVE ME A DESIGN TEMPLATE AND I'LL DO MY BEST TO IMPLEMENT IT, BUT FUCK YOU FOR EXPECTING FRONT END LEVEL DESIGN KNOWLEDGE YOU DUMB FUCKING SPAGHETTI!14 -
I got really pissed off with this company. Why you ask? Well, first off they send me an email for applying with them for a job. Ok, harmless. I wait a couple of weeks and they send me another email. I'm excited, perhaps I got the job! NOPE it's the fucking same email for the fucking same job. I half assed their application the second go around because I was pissed off with them. In their section about uniqueness I essentially gave them the finger.3
-
Product owner: "I want these 6 epics delivered in 12 months"
Me: "can't to that with 2 devs, need more"
PO: "how many?"
Me: "can't say, you haven't spec'd them"
PO: "how do you know 2 devs can't deliver them?"
Me: "educated fucking estimations you fucktrumpet - at least 2 of them look like 6 month projects for 2 devs, so you need to pay for more resource!"9 -
Fucking retards. They make us submit 3 fully fledged fucking Android apps (with ALL the generated boilerplate crap), all zipped into one fucking folder which cannot exceed 10MB.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, YOU DUNG-EATING PREHISTORIC APE ?! ONE PROJECT ALONE IS 60 MB, HOW IN THE MOTHER-FLIPPING HELL DO YOU EXPECT ME TO FIT 3 OF THOSE INTO 10 MEASLY MEGABYTES?!
Ever heard of git you moth-eating-cactus-fucking pricks?! Time has come to learn it !!! Private repos are a thing, you cocksuckers.
May your bed be infested with bugs and your code riddled with Greek semi-colons. Fucking dimwits.7 -
When you have a product owner who, on her first day of the project, asks you ' What do you mean by UI?' and a week later question a UI dev why should something take 3 days?
Are you fucking kidding me? I am done with this shit.3 -
Getting told that technology is bullshit and that humans have forgotten how to interact with each other (meaning being social) by people from the same age bracket that throw a fit because they can't use said technology is both hilarious and infuriating.
Seriously, aren't these old farts more concerned with things such as starbucks not putting "merry Christmas" on their fucking red cups? Am I supposed to take their shit seriously? No the fuck I am not, and neither should you.
If your old ass can't work how your fucking smartphone works, or have a haaaaard time trying to select Netflix from your smart tv app selection then the problem is not my generation. Its your dumbass for not keeping up.
Its fine if you don't want to use technology, fuck if I care. But you ain't winning this shit because of your preferences regarding technology.
Also, telling me that I am wrong for wearing my headphones at the gym to shut people off. Wtf dude, not everyone wants to fucking talk to others all the time, specially during gym time. I am there to work out and get sexy af, not to ask you how your fucking day went, I don't know u, i don't want to know you, you already showed me how fucking close minded and uninteresting you can be, why the fuck should I give that shit a chance?
Fuck outta here with that shit. He went on to tell me that software is made by people with 0 social skills. Booooooy I would have your granddaughter(she is my age) any day of the fucking week and you can tell me if we lack "social skills"
Foh15 -
You know what REALLY PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF? Two pupils in my school won a local IT award FOR CODING A FUCKING PHP VOTING SITE WHICH DESIGN WAS SO FUCKING UGLY I WANT TO VOMIT. THE SITE IS SO FUCKING SHIT THAT YOU CAN VOTE AS MANY TIMES AS YOU WANT AND THERE ARE NO IPS LOGGED TO PREVENT IT. WHAT THE FUCK. THE QUESTIONS ARE FUCKING HARDCODED AND THE RESULT NUMBERS ARE STORED IN A TXT FILE THAT IS ACCESSIBLE WITH THE RIGHT URL10
-
For fucks sake I'm getting tired of this company. We have an app that's been developed on a VERY tight budget with a team and it's nearly completed/basically done few fixes here and there. They keep going to meetings with clients and promising more than the fucking app does! BITCH IT TOOK 6 MONTHS OF DEV TIME IF YOU WANTED THOSE OTHER FEATURES WHY DIDN'T YOU PUT IT IN THERE SOME FUCKING TIME.
And now since I'm in charge of the remnants of whats left, they keep asking me to make demos of ridiculous new features to show to new clients. BUT THATS NOT WHAT THE FUCKING UP DOES AND WERE OUT OF BUDGET!!!
I explain this. Every fucking day. I'm told they understand. Then I'm asked to make a fucking glittery demo with some bullshit features we don't have YET FUCKING AGAIN. BITCH I WILL QUIT THIS SHIT!
IF I SPEND ALL MY TIME MAKING THE FUCKING DEMOS, I CANT FINISH THE MAIN APP YOU FUCKTARDS. STOP PROMISING SHIT WE DONT HAVE!9 -
HOW FUCKING HARD CAN IT BE TO NOT STORE PASSWORDS IN CLEARTEXT AND THEN PROCEED TO SEND ME AN UNENCRYPTED EMAIL WITH THE PASSWORD IN IT??? THE SITE HAS A PREMIUM FUCKING SSL AND SAFETY CERTIFICATES YET THEY STILL DON'T COMPLY TO THIS? FUCK YOU! IF IT WASN'T FOR THAT I HAD TO ORDER A NEW SCREEN FOR MY BROKEN PHONE, YOU COULD'VE SUCKED BETTER THAN ME + VACUUM CLEANER.
Sorry abt that. But for real, mytrendphone stores passwords in plain texts and waves a fucking safety certificate in your face...13 -
Fuck all the companies that doesn't specify that they won't provide sponsorship for the applicant before job application.
I applied to this fucking piece of shit company that took me an hour. Created a custom cover letter and modified my CV just for them.
And they reply me with an email saying that they won't provide sponsorship and have rejected my application.
You motherfucker can refuse me in 5 minutes, but you piece of horseshit can't be bothered to write a simple point in your job description.
Fucking die in hell. Fuck you.1 -
Fuck you, you motherfucking fuck. How DARE you have the capacity to sell fake fucking chips on Amazon and make me fucking waste hours of my god damn fucking nights trying to program your shitty, lazy-ass implementation of an EEPROM.
I followed the datasheet specs down to the fucking microsecond just to find that nothing would write to the chip, and then spent hours of my goddamn life trying to figure out what I was doing wrong, making myself feel like a fucking failure for not being able to write 1s and 0s to a few pins. Fuck you, fuck you with a giant horse cock with needles on the tip12 -
I asked for a screenshot to help me assist with the problem.
I got an image inside a Microsoft Word document attached to a Facebook message.
COULDN'T YOU JUST ATTACK THE FUCKING IMAGE INSTEAD2 -
Trying to build a mobile first application that relies on camera and geolocation data but use drupal to do it.... ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS .. WTF is this shit?! ... let me nail in this screw with a banana.2
-
YES FINALLY SOMEBODY REPLIED TO MY JOB OFFER ON UPWORK LET ME OPEN THE MESSAGE
A LINK TO A ZIP FILE WITH PASSWORD THAT LOOKS SO SKETCHY HMMMMMMMMMMM
LETS OPEN IT
WHATS THIS
- aboutus/
-- COMPANY PROFILE.docx
-- Paiza.docx
-- PROJECT WORK.docx
- requirement.lnk
- training/
-- discussion/
--- instruction/
---- democrat/
----- marketing.bat
A MARKETING.BAT FILE FOR A JOB OFFER??? HMMM THATS SO INTERESTING LET ME OPEN THIS MARKETING.BAT IN VSCODE
OH WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT 10,000 LINES OF CODE OF ENCRYPTED CIPHER ENCODED MALWARE TROJAN MESSAGE TO FUCK UP MY C DRIVE.
WHY EVEN BOTHER. WHY DO YOU FUCKING WASTE MY FUCKING TIME YOU *********FUCKING*******++++ SCAMMERS I HOPE YOU GET CANCER AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY DIES IN THE MOST HARMFUL PAINFUL SLOW DEATH I HOPE SOMEONE POURS ACID ON YOUR FUCKING FACE AND YOU END UP AT A MEXICAN CARTEL GORE VIDEO WEBSITE WHERE THEY CHOP YOUR FUCKING ARMS AND LEGS OFF AND PUT A PITBULL TO MAUL YOUR FUCKING TINY DICK OFF AS YOUR HEAD WATCHES IN AGONY AND YOUR ARMLESS AND LEGLESS BODY FEELS ALL PAIN WHILE YOU'RE DRUGGED WITH ADRENALINE TO STAY ALIVE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE AND RIGHT WHEN YOU'RE ABOUT TO FUCKING DIE THEY CUT YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFFFF DECAPITATED LIKE A FUCKING USELESS TURD SHIT FAGGOT WASTE OF OXYGEN SCAMMING CANCER FUCK
WHY SCAM ENGINEERS ON UPWORK????? WHAT DO YOU GET FROM IT????11 -
Dear customer support chaps,
I get that you can't help me with my issue. I get that you're only a subordinate of the sales people with no clue about the internals of whatever you're selling. I really get that.. if you knew, you wouldn't be sitting there, dealing with users.
However if I ask you something that you don't know, and I explicitly mention that you should please escalate this to an engineer or someone who knows the answer to my question, JUST FUCKING DO IT ALREADY!!! Put that fucking underserved pride aside for a moment, how difficult can it be?!!1 -
This god damned fucking group Project in University!
How did 2 of these stupid as shit ballsacks of useless crap even manage to get through the first 4 semesters?
And now they can't contribute to anything. Or even worse is when they do contribut and mess up everything. Its like trying to play chess with a god damn bird.
Now this fucking project is robbing me of my sleep and the fucking idiots that organize the whole damn thing don't even care about that it's basically just me and one other guy carrying the fucking project.
Stupid theoretic computer science people that get to use as as slaves for their resarch because we "need to get some experience".
If I get anymore fucking experience of how a big software production works I'm going to fucking murder someone...
Verdammtes Arschgeigengesöcks.
Diese schwanzlutschenden Pferdgefickten Eiterwichsende Hurrensöhne.
I fucking shit Blood because I'm in too much stress. And I mean that literally. My fucking asshole burst open because I fucking have to deal with you dirty disgusting scumbags.8 -
Why dont you go to vacation?
Its summer why dont you go to vacation?
Just came back from summer vacation at my cunts place where have you traveled?
Why dont you travel?
You're a student! Youre so young and you should go to vacations more often! Why dont you go?
Youre so young! Why dont you travel more often?
How come youre a student and dont like taking vacations?
I traveled at a cumdumpster, pussylicker, shitsmeller, dickbigger, lickthicker and titkisser countries this summer! Which country have you been at vacation?
Heyy where are you going for the summer vacation? Cause I'm going to sukmikehok!!
Omg ive been in Mike Oxmaul country as my summer vacation. What about you?
You didn't travel? What is wrong with you?
You didn't travel? Omg you're like soooo weird!!
You didn't travel? You're so boring i dont wanna hangout with you
You dont like traveling or you already traveled for this summer vacation?
Etc...
------
I get asked these fucking questions all the fucking time.
THEY ASK IT LIKE TRAVELING COSTS 0 UNITED STATES DOLLARS. 0 USD.
THEY ASK IT SO SOFTLY LIKE TAKING A VACATION IS FUCKING FREE OF COSTS AND REQUIRES NO FUCKIN EXPENSES.
WHY DONT I? GIVE ME YOUR FUCKING WALLET MOTHERFUCKER AND I WILL FUCKING TRAVEL THE WHOLE WORLD WITH IT WHILE CONCURRENTLY FUCKIN UR MARRIED WIFE AS SHE RIDES MyH FAT COCK ON THE BOAT IN BAHAMAS.
FUCK YOU
ANYONE WHO ASKS ME THESE DUMB FUCKIN QUESTIONS MAKES ME GET A BOILING BLOOD AND AN URGE TO PUNCH THAT CUMLOAD IN THE FKIG FACE
HHHHHHHHHHHHH15 -
You fucking son of a bitch!
First you make me do a project in two fucking months, and that's a fucking job-load for only one dev to deliver a SPA with payments and whatsoever.
Then you pushed me to accelerate deployment date and there I am, getting tired and using time I don't have.
But oh no, you prick, that wasn't enough, you had to do just one thing. YOU HAD TO DO ONE FUCKING THING!
What's that? Oh, sorry, I thought I overheard that you wanted to accept online payments but YOU'RE NOT FUCKING SIGNED UP, YOUR BUSSINESS IS NOT LEGAL UNTIL YOU REGISTER IT.
Motherfucker, I can't do anything, you better fucking register your bussiness if you want this to work the way it's supposed to do. -
SMM: Can you chat over the phone? Just want to make sure we are on the same page! I am not great with web lingo!
Me: Sure.
Me, internally: You're a social media manager. That's literally your one fucking job.3 -
Is it just me, or does nobody read their fucking email? Especially when I try explain how a bug isn't trivial to solve because its based on some shitty design decision, that the managers made, that is practically the core of the app. If YOU cant understand the logic with me explaining it to you in plain FUCKING ENGLISH, than how in the name of baby FUCKING jesus, do you expect me to communicate that to the most complicated machines that man has ever built?!? What in the actual fuck do you even do here?!? I could do your job blind-folded, with terminal access to the db, while a monkey was flinging shit at me!5
-
FUCK OFF, YOU FUCKING USELESS PILES OF CRAP
WHY THE FUCK CAN'T COMPANIES JUST TEST THEIR FUCKING APPS FOR ONCE?!?
LINKEDIN GOES INTO A FUCKING CAPTCHA LOOP
SNAPCHAT/INSTAGRAM ARE AS SLOW AND ATTRACTIVE AS A SLIGHTLY RUNNY SHIT
ROCKSTAR IS FULL OF MONGS WHO DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE A WORKING FUCKING GAME
GOOGLE IS FULL OF PERVERTED FUCKERS WHO TRACK YOU EVERYTIME YOU LOOK UP A FUCKING RECIPE.
FUCK THIS WORLD, WHY THE FUCK CAN'T BIG COMPANIES JUST MAKE SOFTWARE WITH THE USERS IN FUCKING MIND?!?!?
FUCK ME, I'M ANGRY10 -
YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKERS!
Are you fucking serious? How it is possible that you, being a fucking teacher in a PRIVATE UNI, AREN'T ABLE TO FUCKING DEPLOY A .NET CORE WEB PAGE EVEN THOUGH I FUCKING WROTE YOU A PDF, LINKED TO MS DOCUMENTATION AND EVEN WENT TO TELL YOU HOW TO DO IT?
You fucking prick, and now you argue to your superiors that we aren't doing our job as expected... seriously? ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID SERIOUS?
I hope you choke on the turkey this christmas, you ignorant incompetent cheap slut... ha, you're not even cheap, because parents are paying THE SCHOOL to provide them with "supposed" better infrastructure, education than a public one, BUT YOU COME TO TELL ME I MUST CODE YOUR ANCIENT PAGE IN FUCKING ASPX WITH DOCUMENTATION DATED 4 YEARS AGO?
Yeez... seriously dude, level up or GTFO.12 -
Whenever I'm trying new tech at work I don't keep interrupting people ta help me with error messages because ITS A FUCKING NEW TECH AND NO ONE WORKS WITH THAT SHIT!
WHY THE FUCK YOU KEEP ASKING ME FOR HELP WITH YOUR FUCKED UP NODE SHIT AFTER I TOLD YOU THAT I DON'T LIKE IT? STOP IT!3 -
WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS.. I WAKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING NIGHT BECAUSE MY FUCKING PHONE VIBRATED UNDER MY FUCKING PILLOW WHICH I KNOW ISN'T VERY HEALTHY BUT WHATEVER, I CHECK MY PHONE AND IT'S A GODDAMN GOOGLE PLAY AD... IN THE FUCKING NOTIFICATIONS. THEY FUCKING SENT ME AN APP SUGGESTION IN MY NOTIFICATIONS EVEN THOUGH THAT OPTION IS SPECIFICALLY TURNED OFF IN THE FUCKING SETTINGS.
FUCK YOU GOOGLE YOU BOTNET GREEDY BLOATED "muh AI" PIECE OF SHIT. I HOPE YOUR SERVERS IN ALL CONTINENTS GET BURNED DOWN BY SOME SADIST NIHILIST HACKER WITH A 0DAY AND YOU SEIZE TO EXIST.
Goodnight.12 -
Keep your fucking petition and readme only shit to yourself or those fucking petition websites, that everybody uses to fucking wipe their ass with, you fucking limp dicked piece of skunk shit
I am already fucking blocking all sorts of media not to hear about all your whiney fucking crap, now I have to also fucking endure your brainless fucking justice warrior bullshit all over github, all over rss feeds, all over fucking everywhere
go fucking get smoked by a car or go fucking overdose, for all I care, just fucking smear yourself all over a fucking wall, as long as you keep your fucking worthless opinion away from me
the fucking worst of it all is that every fucking shithead out there puts it up your face, even if you blocked a million of those fucking clones, then somebody that you follow or a website you visit, will fucking shove that shit in your face, github is not for your fucking propaganda18 -
Okay, Google. I can see why you want me to check those boxes with cars. And I'm also fine with you telling me to do it on a different picture if the first one didnt had any, just to check. But WHAT I AM FUCKING NOT OKAY WITH, IS ME SOLVING CAPTCHAS FOR 10 FUCKING MINUTES REPETEDLY SAYING PLEASE TRY AGAIN AND THEN TELLING ME THAT I AM NOT EVEN ABLE TO TRY AGAIN BECAUSE OF AN DETECTED ATTEMPT OF BOTTING? WHO ARE YOU? AN AI QUESTONING MY HUMAN IDENTITY? JUST BECAUSE IM USING LINUX YOU DECIDE TO GIVE ME ANOTHER NOTHERFUCKING BATCH OF STREET SIGNS? YOU CAN STICK THOSE STREET SIGNS UP YOUR ASS! FUCK OFF!
tl;dr: i got banned from solving recaptchas the second time this week. lets hope its just *another* timeout.8 -
Meeting with an investor who brought two tech advisors.
Advisor A: you should consider using php.
Me: why?
Advisor B: node.js is older.
Me: :|
You can argue about advantages/disadvantages, but how the fuck can you argue with a fucking timeline?!4 -
Oh are you fucking kidding me?
Why the fuck do you need people to add you as a person who could view all my activities?
Why the fuck would I do so?
How does this help with network security
I might be wrong. In that case please correct me13 -
How to profesionally say: you fucking illiterate and incompetent piece of shit, I am tired of spoonfeeding you because you dont use your fucking brain. I am fucking tired of explaining same concept over and over again for the past 2-3 months. Open fucking google for once and lookup latest practices, and learn what functional programming is and learn how to use operators instead of fucking inventing wheel again and again with your 100 lines boilerplate of code functions. Open your fucking mind for once and lookup stuff for yourself, instead of asking me to explain everything for the 100th time you lazy fuck. Oh and stop asking me "to be nice", this is gaslightling. I am being professional and I am the only person in this company who actually tolerates u on some level, others are just avoiding you you useless piece of shit. If I need to explain something for 5th time and I make you feel bad, it means you should feel bad. So maybe grow some balls and start putting in some effort, instead of playing the victim when you are the supposed 6 year senior and I am the 3 year junior, who has to do your fucking job half of the time. You are incapable of even using the standard architecture, what you use is fucking 6-7 years old. Fucking code monkey with broken english who doesnt understand what hes doing. You dont like my methods? I dare you to schedule an appointment between me and manager or your useless techlead, but I know you wont do that because I know you are afraid of everyone finding out how incompetent you are. You low fruit hanging task licking incompetent shit.1
-
This rant goes to my best friend.
Fuck you!
You do not fucking argue with people for doing what they like! So what if I want to use linux? What fucking problem does that make? Am I now a hacker fanboy for wanting to use a terminal instead of fucking pointing and clicking on shit like a monkey? Am I not allowed to want my privacy and free open-source? What? I shouldn't browse internet without getting my personal info stolen? Oh, they're tracking criminals? Then why don't you install a camera in your fucking living room so you can help them out? And don't fucking get me started on why I don't want to use Windows 10.
Fuck fucking fuck fuck. I know he's a good friend but this fucking shit gets my blood boiling.8 -
I started working in a company where they use scala/akka stack, that requires a huge amount of hw resources to compile and debug, so my boss bought me a new laptop: a MacBook Pro. I came from a Dell with Linux Fedora, and now:
FUCK YOU APPLE YOUR COMPUTERS ARE SO SHITTY
JUST EXPLAIN ME WHY THE FUCKING KEYBOARD IS SO A PIECE OF SHIT WITH THE FUCKING COMMAND KEY
FUCK YOU COMMAND KEY
FUCK YOU MAC OS WITH YOUR SHITTY POLICIES YOU CAN'T INSTALL THIS PROGRAM BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO ENABLE UNKNOWN RESOURCES
FUCK YOU BREW AND BREW CASK WHAT THE FUCK OF TWO SHOULD I USE
FUCK THE STUPID TOUCHBAR I WANT THE FUCKING ESC, DELETE, F1, F2 AND SO ON
FUCK YOU APPLE YOUR MAC IS FRAGILE AS FUCK I CAN'T THROW THAT FROM THE FIFTH FLOOR OF MY BUILDING LIKE A THINKPAD
FUCK YOU SAFARI THAT YOU DON'T REFRESH THE PAGE WITH F5
I have a small gif for you just to explain how much shitty is Mac OS17 -
Fuck you dickhead. If you don't like how I'm doing things, just fucking do them yourself. Or how about you give me some specifications, designs, a consistent database model? No? Fine, then don't fucking complain when I make do with what I have.4
-
Thank you for fucking me
Thank you for sucking me
Thank you for lying to me
Thank you for showing your true self
Thank you for teaching me what type of people to avoid
Thank you for sharpening my focus
Thank you for making me suffer
Thank you for improving my grind
Thank you for being a bitch
Thank you for being a whore
For now i have taken heavy damage and a heavy loss of time
For i shall take it as a reminder
A lesson to never forget
Short term gain
Damages
Long term fulfillment
And vice versa
Yin yang
The perfect balance
You will not be missed
I am done dealing with this fuckin bullshit
Goodbye13 -
Multi-factor authentication does not mean I have a password to your site AND have to login with Google. Also, I logged in with Google, you should have my email address now.
Oh, a user with that address already exists? No shit, it's me.
Your fucking login flow is broken.5 -
What's up with employers asking to give them a pay expectation? I don't fucking know just tell me how much you are willing to pay for god sake28
-
I wish the apple review team shove them white polished apples up their fucking asses
A problem solved over a month ago... Ipv6 works it's tested.
Now you come back with a very specific old iPad on a very specific os and say it doesn't work !?
The topping on this shit (apple) pie? They sent me a screenshot of the issue.
It's a screenshot of the fucking login page. I know what the fucking thing looks like you assholes.
Absolute tossers2 -
Me: *kills process*
Linux: 3243 killed.
Me: "sudo netstat -ntlp | grep 3243"
Linux: 3243 running.
* hour later *
Me: *kills process with 3045974th method*
Linux: 3243 killed.
Me: "sudo netstat -ntlp | grep 3243"
Linux: 3243 running.
Me: "Are you absolutely FUCKING kidding me?! What is this fucking thing, the god damn grim reaper? I've done some SKETCHY fucking things at the terminal to kill this BASIC fucking server and it is still running!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU?!"
Manager: *peeks in helpfully* "Did you try the 'kill' command?"15 -
WANKETEERING FUCKING CUNTS!!!!!
Just now I had this great incident with rosé wine hitting my couch (on a Monday, yet another reason to hate that fucking shit day). If that is you dear Google searcher, let me tell you this. GRAB YOUR FUCKING SALT, AS QUICKLY AS YOU CAN AND POUR IT ON THERE IMMEDIATELY!!!
(edit: seems to work quite well for sucking up the wine moisture, not sure about smell or discoloration.. so far so good)
At least that's what a wanketeering cunt told me after having me read through 5 minutes of their dribble. While the motherfucker explicitly mentions that you're on a time limit, mind you!!! Because you know, fuck your goddamn couch, I want that fraction of a cent in ad money, that oh you've blocked it? I have no fucking idea. But waste your time on my shitsite nonetheless!!!
You know what, marketeering motherfucking dickhead. If that salt isn't going to fix my goddamn fucking couch, how about I take your goddamn shitsite down for the next FUCKING MONTH, HUH?!! Just to make up for the hundreds of fucking euros that a motherfucking couch is worth?! That'll serve you fucking right for pissing off a hacker!!! MOTHERFUCKER!!!!12 -
I really, really need an office. Today I've been in a meeting for 2 hours with my mum hoovering in the background and my sister playing the entire fucking soundtrack to Chicago. FUCKING KILL ME!!!
Every time I fucking talk all you can hear is "'n' all that jazz" in the fucking background.
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMOREEEEE D'X14 -
Ok so we went to a graphic class seeking graphic designers for our game.
We pitchted our 3d fast paced speed running game. With highscores and shit. (We only have a week to create this game)
This fucking moron in the back of the class starts to rise his hand asking:
Is this a MMORPG?
Me: No this is no fucking MMORPG?!
Him: But i only want to design to a MMORPG
Me: Well we are not doing a fucking MMORPG..
Him: Can you change it to an MMORPG please?
Me: WTF NOOO!
Him: Okey you sure?
Me: YES... smh
Like why the fuck shall we change an idea to something litrally impossible to make in a week and that will fucking crash and burn like every Michael Bay movie ever...4 -
Called in on a Saturday... I’d rather have my underwear ride up for the rest of my life than having to deal with your bitch ass not knowing how to run a FUCKING computer.
No, I promise it’s working fine you dense fuck. You just don’t know how to fucking run it. Perhaps instead of calling me in, why not ask your other coworkers how to preform the task that you’re failing to learn.
And the shit thing is, I’ve explained this so many fucking times. It’s not my fault you won’t retain the mother fucking information you cheeky bastard.
STOP FUCKING CALLING ME! - who the fuck even gave you my personal number you fuck!5 -
Backend colleague : the API is online. It's tested and working, you can start the dev.
Me trying to manually call the API with all the fields pre validated : "error : invalid fields"
EVERY. FUCKING. TIME !
To all the backend developers : we are NOT your personal testers, and we are NOT supposed to clean your mess because you're too lazy to FUCKING TEST THE HAPPY PATH!!!
Thank you for your consideration.5 -
You fucking dense motherfucker of a professor. You mentally disabled shit-eater. You fucking perfectly know that I have been offered a very good position in a company I really wanted to work at and you fucking force me to stay and wait for the next graduation date to make me get my fucking degree. Just because you offered me a PhD position and I didn't want it.
I sincerely hope you lose all your prestige. Fucking choke with a big ass cock in your throath, eat your own vomit disgusting piece of shit. You are a fucking 60yo child. You have no respect for people work, you always want more. Get cancer fucking animal.
HOLY SHIT HANG URSELF9 -
Fucking teachers, man.
I had to present a project today.
Teacher randomly asks me
"Where did you copy this from?"
At this point I'm pretty fucking pissed, but am thinking that he might just be kidding around or fucking with me. Nope. Serious question. Well, fuck, now I have to start defending my own fucking work, because this fucking asshole assumes that I copied my project from somewhere.
He fucking questions me like I'm a murder suspect for half an hour. After that he gave me a passing grade.
I have no problem with the grade. My project wasn't entirely finished, I knew that I would only get a shitty grade on it.
I have a problem with this line of questioning. That fucker thinks that accusing people of plagiarism okay. I don't think there are appropriate words to describe such a rotten person.
The funny thing is, that colleagues who did in fact copy all their fucking work, were not questioned in such a way.
So basically if you think for yourself, work your ass off, you are a fucking cheating asshole.
Dear teacher,
I can say, from the bottom of my heart, go fuck yourself.14 -
Fuckbug client has no brain but worse is fuckbug has not one bit of understanding.
I am a fucking developer not a fucking DESIGNER.
You are supposed to give me your fucking information. Information as in text and photos and documents that I can use with minimal modification for your FUCKING website.
It was fucking stupid of me to help you out with non-dev work in the first place. My fucking stupidest mistake of 2017.
Just for the fucking slider, this whole goddamn project is dragging for the whole 2017.
I even helped you out with taking the fucking product photo at your office with my camera so we can have decent images to use.
I stupidly helped you out with doing photoshop of those images with your product labels and stuffs.
But in the end, you fucking dare give me 1 properly designed image to use in slider. Then ask me to change the rest of sliders with similar design like that one. If you have that image why the fuck cannot you do the fucking rest by yourself and come and fucking ask me.
I fucking hate you.5 -
I fucking hate college beyond the point i can descibe and i regret my life away for the day i started the fucking college i am now year 5 with 5 exams left and i can not fucking pass this fucking usless BULLSHIT its so fuckimg usless and i COULDNT GIVE A FUCK EVEN IF YOU PAY ME TO LEARN THIS I JUST DONT GIVE A F U C K YOU MOTHERCUCKEMJKSKSKEEUEIEEIEUDJSJJSJJSJEKAIQOQOAOQPPSOCMCMCME ECXKSOOWOWISIESIIZIISIJSS E.D.XNXHCNFBFHHDDHXHDHXHHDDDNJDKALOOEOWISJSJWJJWWISIXJXBVNNSNSKEK17
-
Please stop pasting screenshots into Word docs and emailing them to me. What the hell is wrong with you? You are on a fucking Mac. You figured out how to grab a screen region with an obscure key combination, but you can’t figure out that you can paste them directly into Gmail, Apple Mail, or Thunderbird?7
-
So...my first experience with Scrum. How many fucking energy and productivity draining meetings can you squeeze in to two weeks?!!!! Agile? Hahaha. Don't get me started! Leave me alone and let me get some work done!4
-
Fucking hell with the password fields.
Why in the fucking hell you can't tell me what's the max characters count? Why I have to deal with auto-truncated passwords after the fact?
Go eat exquisite shit, peasant punks, pussy cutters.2 -
Note to my past self:
Thank you for taking care of me and assuming that out of no fucking sudden authorization token will be required to perform an API call!
You saved me so much refactoring and modifications with your tiny little assumption of how fuckups will think :)1 -
Whatsapp: "How about you update your browser?"
How about you fire your whole fucking team of genetically engineered super-retards, that is making whatsapp shittier with ever recently rotten braincell you guys claim to have, and just let me use your shitty spyware I need to use for the time being. Fucking hell don't you even dare pulling that bullshit excuse on me when my browser is based on chromium Aka the fucking same browser engine that is powering google chrome. Just for once stop playing along with google, take your update and put it where the sun doesn't shine, you data-whoring deadshits.9 -
If it is lunch time and I have a sandwich stuffed halfway in my face, do not walk up to me with your computer asking for help. It doesn't take me long to eat so give me 3 fucking minutes to finish.
I will help you...I will touch your keyboard with my greasy fingers...I will touch your screen...multiple times.
You're welcome.3 -
So I wanted to update my visual studio. Turns out I cant because WPF (Apparently the Installers uses it) has a problem with broken fonts.
Okay. No problem I thought. I uninstalled all 720 fonts and re-registered them, filtering out the 3 broken ones. Checked the time-stamp as suggested. Everything fine. Had to reboot. (Of curse.)
Rechecked the fonts, reports as okay. Tried to start the installer BUT THIS FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT SOFTWARE CRASHES ON ME AGAIN WITH THE SAME FOCKING ERROR. IT DOESN'T EVENT WANT TO FUCKING TELL ME WHICH FUCKING FONT IS THE PROBLEM. I CHECKED EVERYYYY SINGLE FUCKING FONT. NOT THAT THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY TO FUCKING CATCH A FUCKING FUCKER EXCEPTION IN THIS FUCKING WORLD. I mean seriously. Why would you crash on a font THAT YOU DON'T EVEN USE IN YOUR FUCKING FUCK PROGRAMM TO INSTALL YOUR FUCKING PICE OF SHIT SOFTWARE.
But, IT GETS WORSE. TURNS OUT MICKY FUCKING SOFT KNOWS ABOUT THIS FUCKING BUG SINCE TWO-FUCKING-THOUSAND-FOURTEEN.
And they didn't fixed it. Nooooooooo. THEY FUCKING WROTE A FUCKING WORKAROUND THAT DOES NOT FUCKING WORKKKKKK AND KEEP PUTTING THIS FUCKING BUG IN EVERY FUCKING INSTALLER SINCE THEN.
Can you tell I'm pissed? YES? GOOOOOOD. BECAUSE I FUCKING AM.
MICKYSOFT CAN GO AND SUCK A FUCKING APPROPRIATE THING TO SUCK IN THIS FUCKING SITUATION.
THE BEST? THEY EVEN FUCKING DARE TO ASK ABOUT MY FUCKING FEEDBACK. YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU GET MY FUCKING FEEDBACK. TOGETHER WITH A FUCKING BAG FULL OF FUCKING SHIT TO YOUR FUCKING HQ
CAN I HAVE A FUCKING STRESSBALL NOW
</rant>3 -
Fuck you BT, charge me £80 for phone and internet, then only give me 50% of your advertised speeds that cuts out at random points then when I complain tell me you'll look into it but if you find any issues within my property I have to pay for the fixing of all issues with my line inside and outside the property not to mention the over £100 call out fucking cost!!! Plus you were fucking charging me £6.99 a month for BT fucking Sport that I don't watch and that I was told on 3 occasions was fucking free for the last 3 years!!! Again I will reiterate FUCK YOU BRITISH TELECOMS10
-
Fuck your clients, right...? A small town bank I’m doing some security work for; I had them create me a test account. I received an email with my password; are you fucking serious...?3
-
Been working with Git every day for the last 3 years and never had a problem with it.
Enters Windows.Stash changes, tries a simple stash apply:
error: cannot stat *file_name*: Permission denied
Please tell me you are fucking kidding me.. I did not just fucking lose all that work..
:q life5 -
I had an interview with a company that works offshore (works for a big silicon valley company) for an internship program. I liked their bosses vision and how he treats his coworkers. After 1 hour technical interview I asked how much they pay for internship and they told me they are not paying anything. And they said hey we are teaching you how things works. Wait... What? Atleast you can pay my transport and food fees. Fuck you and fuck your company. If you don't pay me a single fucking penny, I am not working with you. There is local laws to pay me some money. If you don't care about laws, I wont care about your fucking company. Burn in hell.5
-
PM is such a fucking cunt
telling me that my data structures describing the layout of binary data would be confusing for devs, and that we shall introduce
typedef fuckingRetardedObfuscatingName uint8_t;
in our code. everyone is fine with the concepts i provide to describe this binary data, not only at our company but also in other software i've worked on and common standards i've worked with, we work like that and every fucking idiot knows what a uin8_t is.
you fucking braindead imbecile have no fucking idea how we work and you don't care, you don't even try to understand what we are doing.
god i hope you die being hit by a fucking bus or something8 -
I am just fed up with spam messages on my Whatsapp/Facebook Wall/even Normal Messages. So from now on, I will be sending this to everyone who tries to spam me, even to those who are about to fucking press that send button to share "Send this to 4 people and image will change colour" shit. Save this image, might help you as well, let's fucking spam those spammers with this!4
-
He told me to "calm down".
...
I said to him: "If it weren't you, I'd have hit you." (slowly, with the most serious voice...)
I hate this fucking sentence so damn much...!
"Just calm down..." - "BAM HEADSHOT! GO DIE!"... 🤔5 -
Good ol' fucking brain-dead autistic dipshit me just pulled an all-nighter reading rants on fucking devrant
Now wish me a good day's sleep you perfect-ragging entertaining bastards filling up devrant with the best posts I've ever read about programming.4 -
so my project manager just asked me if she can help with anything, did she ask to make herself feel better after overloading me? Or was it trying to rush me politely?
im a fucking developer, you don't even know basic html, whats the fucking point of the question...10 -
Being sick absolutely deleted what bullshit I can tolerate
- Searching through feed of jobs
- See 999$ Job with description "*platform* forced me to put a budget, but it's not fixed, tell me your quote and what's fair"
- Quote X$ with Y$ interview cost
- Get a message, write and then get the budget "I got offered 10$, 40$, .. if you can do it for 75$ it's a deal!"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, THAT'S WHAT THE FUCKING BUDGET IS FOR, WHY PUT 999 IF YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T SPEND MORE THAN 75 WTF?3 -
!dev
I'M SO GONNA GET MY OWN LOCKPICKING SET AND LEARN HOW TO FUCKING PICK LOCKS. I'M SICK OF GETTING LOCKED OUT OF MY OWN FUCKING ROOM. "WHY DON'T YOU USE A KEY?" YOU ASK? GOOD QUESTION. MY JERKBAG ARSEHOLE PARENTS DECIDED TO NOT GIVE ME A FUCKING KEY FOR MY OWN FUCKING ROOM *FOR 6 GODDAM YEARS* SINCE WE'VE MOVED IN. "WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO TO THE LOCKSMITH OR SOME SHIT-" DO YOU I THINK I CAN JUST FUCKING WALTZ IN, ASK FOR THE KEY AND BRING IT TO THE FUCKING LOCKSMITH TO GET A DUPLICATE? AS IF THEY WOULD!!! AND NOW I'M GONNA GET EITHER AN F OR GO FULL SUICIDAL BECAUSE COFFEE THROUGH THE NIGHT IS NOT A FUCKING OPTION FOR ME. BECAUSE ALL THE FUCKING MATERIAL I HAVE FOR MY GODDAM ASSIGNMENT, ALONG WITH MY LAPTOP IS IN MY FUCKING ROOM. THANKS DAD! YOU SURE ARE HELPFUL AS FUCK! FUCK YOU!12 -
Someone put a fucking \b in this dataset I'm working with, which just so happens to be an illegal character for xml.
FUCKING HOW. FUCKING WHY. FUCKING WHERE ARE YOU AND WHY DO YOU WANT TO SEE ME SUFFER THIS MUCH4 -
I do like Windows, it is a quite good OS nowadays, but for FUCK SAKE, what does it take to fix that CLUSTER FUCK that you call search? You don't have enough people MS or what? Just show me the BLOODY ITEMS that actually contain the words that I typed in!!! While you are at it WOULD YOU MIND LEAVING ME THE FUCK ALONE WITH THE FUCKING WEB RESULTS???9
-
So I just decided I'd hotspot my phone to my laptop (as I have no WiFi) and stream a film I've wanted to watch for a while.
Turns out my shite ass mobile provider wants credit card details to prove I'm over 18.
I'm sorry, what?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? YOU NOSY OVER CONTROLLING SHIT STAINS! THAT IS A PARENT'S JOB, NOT YOURS.
fucking hell. What is wrong with this fucking race?
Oh, and I can't torrent it because that's blocked too.7 -
FUCKING google doesn't allow our country to buy FUCKING partner or reseller program.
So what the fuck do we do as an agency, we have to fucking treat every domain and google business suites as seperate entities.
WHAT THE FUCK IS THE SHIT WITH THAT?
WE HAVE TO FUCKING KNOW THEIR ADMIN PASSWORD TO FUCKING MANAGE THEIR GOOGLE SUITE ACCOUNTS.
IT IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE.
I HATE GOOGLE FOR THAT REASON ALONE.
I can care less of how much data you gonna steal from me.4 -
!dev
What kind of idiot sends a random stranger “hello” on Instagram! What the fuck am I supposed to do with “hello”? Can’t you lead the message with your reason for messaging me? What the fuck are expecting me to reply with exactly? Are you fucking crazy?16 -
What the fuck is up with this fucking tour bus company called Akdeniz?
These fucking retards want me to login to instagram etc. to get wifi access. Like wtf. Is not my 30 TL not enough?
Are you really going to save my login data for a few TL? Why would you dipshit people want me to login with my social media account (besides of that I do not even have an Instagram account. Miss me with that gay shit.)
I do not have a fucking fuckbook and a twittermyass.
I hope y'all fucking die by sucking my long ass dick, incompetent braindeads!8 -
Dumbass made me update site with broken code ...
After git pulling I got an ich and tested it...
So the following talk happened:
Me: feature x is still broken (it was working before...)
Dass: yeah, I just wanna make some screenshots of it from another machine that has windows.
Me: OK, I just rolled the changes back, you can access the other machine at lan...
Me inside: OOOHHHH YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT MADE ME GET UP FROM BED AND START MY FUCKING COMPUTER FOR THIS BULLSHIT IDIOTIC NONSENSE?!? FOR REAL??? GET YOU SHIT TOGETHER ASSHOLE! -
Fuck you sideways stupid ass clowns of HR people.
If you don't want to hire me, it's okay. What is not okay it's to steal several days of my life with your idiotic multi-step interviews, telling me I did awesome and you'd like to hire me as soon as possible, then actively avoid any contact for three whole fucking weeks, just to finally tell me you've chosen someone else with a more prestigious degree but way less actual experience in the field. You'll come to me begging soon and I'll laugh in your faces.3 -
(tl;dr) Protip: never take internship/training/job offers from startups.
Fucking piece of shit startups hiring innocent interns from University, hoping that they are full stack developers to build their shit website.
"I will throw challenges at you".
You fucking scum, I need a proper mentor to teach me something which is not my fucking domain. You expect me to know nodejs and reactjs, and if I don't know that means there's something wrong with my learning process?!!
I'm looking for an internship which basically means that I get company exposure to proper training unlike being your fucking slave, you uncultured swine.
Seriously, recruiters, these days jack off to google buzzwords.5 -
New ticket:
Ticket: "I just spoke with-"
Me: "LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE! IM NOT GONNALET YOU FINISH! IS THERE A PROBLEM? THEN HAVE THE PERSON YOU SPOKE WITH / SAW THE FUCKING THING HAPPEN CONTACT ME! ALMOST NEVER IN MY LIFE HAS A GAME OF TELEPHONE EVER DONE ANYTHING BUT FUCKING DRAGGED OUT THE PROBLEM! WIDGET DOESN'T WORK? THING DOESN'T DO A NON SPECIFIED THING? FUCK YOU FOR DROPPING ALL THE INFO I NEED AND SENDING A VAGUE EMAIL!!!"
-ticket set to not gonna do shit until someone who saw the thing gets off their ass and says what is actually happening-1 -
You want me to build a whole fucking site with a new theme on December with no mockups and all build with a custom design after you left me all fucking September and october without fucking work?.
No. Fucking. Way.1 -
Went to the mall with mom the other day,
Mum: so what do you want?
Me: (pointing to stress ball) that ball
Mum: stop embarrassing us, are you a kid?
Me: they are stress balls
Mum: take a pill or exercise if you stressed
My mind: I told you not to go the mall with your, fucking kid....
devrant a ni**a really need them stress balls9 -
hey helo i doNT GIVE A SHIT THAT YOU CANT READ MY DOCUMENTATION AND SPAM ME WITH QUESTIONS THAT HAVE THE ANSWER WRITTEN IN THE SPECIFICATION YOU WROTE IM PLAYING FUCKING LEAGUE YOU DUMB PIECE OF SHIT
-
Client: can you put the instagram icons on our websites.
Me: yes, could you send me the links?
Silence for 2 weeks.
Waiting for a bollocking now and I just know it's going to be my fault. Why are people such wankers. I fucking hate my job, the part that involves interacting with wankers with huge egos and no clue about anything.2 -
Linker crashed while building LLVM from source AT FUCKING 97% ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
(Antergos , GCC 7)
The error was that it exhausted the memory. How the fuck does a system with 16GB RAM and a swapfile run out of memory while building something? Dayum.5 -
Something is really fucking wrong with people in my company. They fucking calling me after 5PM on Friday when the server is down. What part of my role you fuckers don't understand. I'm not a Network Engineer and I don't have fucking access to the fucking server.
Call the fucking Network Engineer. If his not picking up his phone then that's his fucking problem not mine.
(Bang the Table) Fuck this shit4 -
One would assume that "view conditions and accept" shows the fucking conditions and then lets you accept them if you want to. No. By clicking this button I automatically accepted it, and then got them shown for me. Which meant that I had to pay a fucking fee, because the conditions said so. That would be fair if I had seen the fucking conditions before accepting them. Fuck off everybody, I don't have time for dealing with this, I was sick the other day and now I have to work extra hard while still recovering to make up for it and now I have to deal with your crappy support just because you can't design a fucking ui? Whats wrong with you!!!4
-
Fuck you ios,storyboad,xibs,xcode. FUCK OFF!! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES. Literally giving me migrane with your fucking ass constraints!! Fuck you xcode for not having a terminal. Ios is utterly bullshit. Has fucking all kind of devices that I have to set constraint. Fuck you macos. You are slower than a snail. How on earth do you take so much time to build!!
Width, height, constraints, my ass! What is this fucking logic bro. Fuck you apple for making so many device of different sizes and then hiring us to set constraints. Warning warning warning oh what a load of crap!
I would rather die than set your fucking ass constraints.7 -
Fuck JavaScript, seriously I have spent the last 8 hours trying to build a fucking basic search application that would take me < 1 hour in any other fucking programming language on the planet. I AM FUCKING DONE WITH THIS SHIT. I'd rather pay some dude with a long ass fucking beard who calls himself a "Frontend Engineer" WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT MEANS. Because my backend oriented brain cannot fucking handle all of the frameworks, and modules, and different versions of the same fucking language. Plus its like JavaScript was designed so that you can't not write spaghetti code. FUCK THIS. I'm going back to writing static fucking template code that is used by a fucking backend language that only changes every few fucking years, not every month.
Have a great day. :)4 -
Fucking useless bots.
I need a bit of help in getting some documents from my University, so I go into their site and they have a WhatsApp support number. Perfect, I think to myself. So I send them a message with my question and a fucking bot answers me with a list of categories for my question, none of them matching my question. So I answer the "Other" option and it just sends me a FAQ link. Like what the actual fuck? I contacted the fucking number because I need help from a damn human, not a fucking FAQ link you useless waste of server resources.2 -
Using z-index 99999999999.
Are you fucking serious... please go somewhere far far away from me and cut your hands off so I don't have to deal with this shit.3 -
Everybody is criticizing Microsoft for leaving too much legacy code in Windows, etc., but let me tell you that I prefer 100% that and have lifetime backward compatibility than having to deal with Google bullshit.
Google sucks ass.
It's one of the most dev unfriendly company on this planet (along with Facebook).
You can't fucking change BASIC stuff in Android SDK every fucking version.
You just can't!
You can't use a system of "PERMISSIONS" each developer has to set in its application and each user has to accept during the installation, that a few versions later become USELESS... because "Hmmm… no, It's not enough, let's make a new privileged permission that makes the old one fucking worthless".
YOU FUCKING, TOXIC, BASTARDS.
It's my app, my code, my device, my fucking conditions. If I want to install viruses on my device, I should be able to do it.
I shouldn't have to call fucking Sundar fucking Pichai fucking CEO of fucking GOOGLE.
USERS != BABIES.
DEVS != CRIMINALS
We are the reason you have a fucking job, fucking food on your fucking table.
I want a fucking GOD_MODE permission in the next SDK, assholes!
You can't REMOVE fucking "Android.OS.getSerial()" making it only for system apps.
It's not sensible data… and if It's in your opinion, you've already created a "android.permission.READ_PHONE_STATE", so what else do you want, fucking asshole?
Right, you want to introduce "android.permission.READ_PRIVILIGED_PHONE_STATE" to make obsolete the other one, son of a bitch!
I don't fucking use you're garbage Google Play Store, no worries! I won't upload my app on your servers, bitch!
They've created a monopoly in the industrial space (PDAs) and they keep making fucking wrong decisions every single year.
My job is already stressful, why you can't just stop making it worse? fml8 -
STOP sending me fucking videos of the bug you are experiencing. I don't get paid as much as I do to sit around and watch your stupid fucking screen captures for 37 minutes just to find 30 seconds of meaningful information to reproduce something you could have put in a paragraph and emailed to me.
Either you meet me halfway and actually understand the expected outcome and how it differs from what you experience enough to verbalize it, or I ain't fucking fixing your shit. For fucks sake, a 40 minute screen recording with no audio does NOT count as a valid reproduction.3 -
WTF is going on with marketers in LinkedIn?! I’m an engineer why the fuck are you trying to make me sell your product to a company I only code for, fucking spammy cunts contact sales and do your job I have enough with mine.7
-
The unsubscribe link on the emails from whois.com redirects you to a fucking PDF with written instructions on how to unsubscribe...
Are you fucking kidding me?
I have to go on your website, login, go through 4 fucking sections in the settings to finally select "NO" in a radio button???
It should be illegal.1 -
My boss:
Doesn't manage the fucking agile board..
Doesn't call for meetings when we need...
Decides randomly for sprints duration.
Decides to do whatever he feels better with an obvious lack of thought.
Decides what to do based on assumptions instead of FUCKING ASKING THE FUCKING CLIENT!
Oh you stupid piece of shit how many time do we have to go over me explaining you how planning works and you pretending to agree?1 -
Fuck off Windows Defender.
I love Windows but this defender shit is fucking annoying me with it's popup messages to enable SmartScreen. Fuck you and your piece of shit SmartScreen.7 -
Rant
Wtf is Instagram. Seriously how many times do you have to be hit in the head with a fucking shovel to be even moderately amused by that garbage fire. You can't even upload more than ten files at once?! I mean I get server space but fuck me! That shit is goddamn fucking pathetic as fuck. These cock licking cockroaches who find interest in this banal baby vomit green trash are using precious oxygen. Seriously, to upload multiple photos took like twenty minutes. And then they were all wrong because I shot them 4:3. But this is a fucking photo sharing application and crops wrong with 4:3. What the living, breathing, fucking fuck? People actually live with this shit and use this?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! How narcissistic and stupid do you have to be to put with an application that doesn't even fucking run in browser. This was my first time ever attempting this fucking black hole of vapid self destruction. Never again. And fuck people willing to do it.6 -
Customers are so fucking stupid.
You're already on the page with a form with a "password" field and a fucking "save" button. WHY ARE YOU STILL ASKING ME HOW TO CHANGE YOUR FUCKING PASSWORD???
FUCKING STUPID CUSTOMER WHY DON'T YOUR FUCKING KILL YOURSELF???
FUCK!2 -
Got fucking graduated, a whole day wasted, fucking ass hole literally trapped us cannot even got to release some water.
To get a fucking degree you have to bear with fucking teacher who don't shit about privacy, security.
And answering fucking theroy questions which has fucking string Match with the fucking textbook paragraph.
Do a fucking report which will be fucking 100 pages and take fucking 2 copy (10 rough copies)
The register to fucking leaky placement centre. Who leak you data to all hiring companies as well as your co-students.
Then fucking attend the fucking ass hole ceremony where some old guy lectures for fucking long time about some civil infrastructure , road and other stuff.
And I have not mentioned other fucking ass hole slutty stuff.i don't know fucking until what time I can hold on.
This Fucked the fuck out of me10 -
!dev
I will never understand the need for weeding bs. I am ok with marriage, and doing whatever religious festivity you want to whatever deity you follow. I respect that stuff enough to not go all anti-religious or what not. But I just cannot fathom making a party that benefits the attendee (food whatnot) more than the people starting a life together. Gifts? a popularity contest? I don't get it. My weeding was simple, did not invite a bunch of people, shit burned bridges, but our families were there and that to me was more than enough. Anyone else that got offended, well, they can get offended whenever they pay one of my fucking bills.
But I just cannot get the need to have such a ceremony, AND then to have the audacity to get upset or call out people that cannot make it. Make it for fucking what? the bridge and groom are going to be so fucking distracted with everyone that at most your presence gets an "ah glad you came!"
AND some people even do it in different cities, fucking why? it is a burden as an adult to make time for such minute events, even more to take the time, and the fucking money to go to your fucking party on another city. Bonus points if I need to buy a fucking airplane ticket, no fucking thanks.
I am currently doing something big in my life that only my wife can help me with, because of my situation, my family can't help me, so i am all by myself and wife, and some people told me to put it on hold.....to go to a fucking party. WHY? Why in the sweet holy Mexican baby Ritchie would I go ahead and fucking do that? you are not going to help me afterwards when I get back, shit, you will be out on fucking vacation after the party, for 2 fucking weeks (talk about privilege) and you still want me to put my shit on hold to go...to a fucking party?
Fuck, sometimes I feel that I am toooo fucking egotistical to put my time before others, but man, you really get shit out of this. 2 weedings happening this month, one requires a ticket, the other is a drive away (4 fucking hours) but still, I really don't feel that I should waste my VL that I would much rather spend with my wife and child on some fucking obnoxious ego-inflated party.9 -
So fucking tired of priority shifting. How the hell is anyone supposed to get shit done with 500 fucking meetings and between each one you're told do something different?
This is critical you must do it now! No this!
My response, fuck you I'm going home my head hurts let me know what you'd like me to code and when you've decided add a day for annoying me.2 -
Fuck-a-doodle-do Fuck Fuck Fuck what a fucking dipshit. Scared the god damn shit out of me.
So I am deep in code, listening to my music pounding out some code and Drupal configurations and I feel a shadowy draft over my right side like someone is watching me.
I work with a guy that will not for the fucking life of me use Slack to send me a message when I have my headphones on or at all for that matter.
He gets up and walks to my cubicle and just stares with a goofy fucking grin on his face. You know the one. LIke a retarded fucking dog eating shit out of a wire brush. Yeah that's the grin. Silently derping with his fucking derp ass Derp McDerpington face waiting on you to turn around an notice him there instead of knocking on the cubicle wall or waving to get your attention.
The FUCK dude? CreepyPasta2 -
Client texts me ‘can you resend the link to the test page with the video’
My response as not at my desk but remember the page name
Me: Sure it’s ‘website/vtest.php’
Client: i copied the url into my desktop browser and it doesn’t work.
Me: replace ‘website’ with your actual web address.
Dumb Fucking Clients4 -
I'm a TA myself and just yesterday wanted to defend my fellow TAs and CS/IT teachers from some of the rants here. Of course not all of the rants are but I found a few quite unfair towards us and I can fully understand a TA getting confused and tired after 5-7 hours of helping and wrapping your head around some of the harder problems the students run into.
However, I'm also a student myself and right now I'm fucking fed up with the shit my supervisor gives me regularly .. So let the rant flow!
(disclaimer: the following text uses “you” to address the rant recipient. So, dear reader, don't feel offended)
First of, why do you fucking care when and especially where I'm working on your project when you know I'm only working part time since I'm usually tutoring students by daylight. Having me come in after my TA shift to work on your project instead of letting me go home, get some rest and food, and start working with a fresh head is neither helping you nor very productive. Also, if you want me to be productive and use your fucking tools to get going faster you better not make me fucking debug your fucking tools. For instance, I don't even have the same first name so all your fucking paths are invalid on my fucking machine! Also, I get that your machine is more powerful than mine and I don't really care about it as long as you don't fucking push convoluted messy timing sensitive scripts and make me search for the correct values on my machine. And, if a file your script is trying to delete is not there aborting is not an valid exception handling!
And don't get me started on the scripts that actually do some work besides setting up your fucking toolchain! -
Piece of shit cake. I'll stab you in the goddamn virtual neck with a screwdriver. Not get my nuget packages. Go fuck yourself in your fat fucking ass. Goddamn, who automated this build process. I did. Fuck me.5
-
!dev
Fuck you google!!
Let me send a mail to my shitty internet service provider with abusive words as much as possible.
Fucking gmail rejecting my message as spam by content filtering.6 -
Look here Mr Senior Tech if you don’t know 100% what you’re doing, don’t fucking touch the goddamn firewall with your fucking sausage fingers and you overblown call center team lead. I mean you need to have the confidence you would have if you were eating a banana and some one told you it was a poisonous berry, you’d laugh and eat it anyway, cause it’s obviously a banana. That’s the kind of confidence you need to have when fucking with the entire goddamn network configurations. I just went thru a 7 hour shit show because you THOUGHT you knew what you were doing. Not a damn thing was broken there. One service needed a hole in the firewall and you fucked all this beyond an easy fix. Now I’ll admit I don’t have that much confidence working with the firewall, that’s why I would fucking cal one of the companies that set it up even though we don’t necessarily have a support contract, it would have cost a lot damn less to have them work on it than for the whole company to be down and for me to have to stress over every fucking thing going (or not going) on.
-
Why won't you just approve my PR???
Whats wrong with you?!
I don't understand your cryptic one-sentence feedback. I'm not even sure you understand what you're asking yourself.
What the hell does "make it a transaction" mean? Don't give me pseudo-code examples that don't even work fucking asshole!
Its a small change that does NOT need a canary build dammit. Don't go testing the ORM, its a goddamn standard library. Why does working with you make everything so complicated?!?!
The code fucking works! There is no need to make it comply to your specific tastes goddamn it. Working with you is like pulling teeth!
/endrant9 -
You know what? I'm done with this bullshit of "do it and we review latter" when I ask clarification on requirements.
No you fucking stupid piece of shit, I'm a mother fucking professional developer, treat me with fucking respect!
I can't spend weeks trying to figure out wtf is your specific domain specifications if you ain't answer my questions with clarity I'm gonna keep asking them in slightly different ways as if you where a search engine and I'm trying to search wtf is in your mind.
Only then I'm gonna start planning/coding your shit.
I have better things to do.
Your lack of planning isn't my priority.3 -
Why can’t you just make a document with the description of the things you want?
Why do you feel the need to send me fucking voice notes over 9 min long?2 -
At home: Man I really love code and everything I can do with it. I'm a fucking wizard.
At work: You want me to copy and paste some text into the view for you? Okay... *cries into keyboard* -
I must use windows at work and after 5 years of using mac I can say that windows is fucking loud, fucking beeps everywhere. Like you fucking do anything that has no results it’s beep - that’s fucking crazy I feel like I’m on some fucking road with assholes all over the place beeping on me.
I can work in silence on my mac, no software beeps by default.
Fucking Hell how can you listen to beep all day ?18 -
I'm trying really hard not to be sensitive, but my manager is making it difficult with their "constructive criticisms" ...
Just finished up a call with them. And I'm so tired. I'm not even angry or upset, I just feel so tired of their bullshit.
I set up a meeting as a courtesy to get them up to date on all the code changes I made. Last night I stayed up late to try and get things in before the deadline and this morning just killed me when they say.
"I don't think I should have given you this."
"I was right, you weren't ready to start doing this."
(Then don't even bother giving me anymore tasks then, I don't fucking care.)
"you clearly don't understand how branches work"
(Absolutely fucking false, I fixed that shit and am very familiar with how to understand the structure of the fucking repo)
"you are rushing and I don't need you messing up the website"
(I'm being proactive you twat, not rushing, making it very difficult for me to do the work and being productive)
Like seriously bro! Don't fucking patronize me for the work I was trying to get out. And trust me this fucking meeting is done in order to get ahead of potential issues, not a time to be condescending of my skills or lack there-of as you seem to so keenly think.
If you had this much doubt about my abilities then why give me the fucking Sr. title? Fucking trust that I'm being honest, and I'm trying to get us to a good spot, not fucking sabotage the company. God fucking damn.6 -
YOU CAN'T, POSSIBLY, BE SERIOUS WITH ME! FUCK, FUCK IT ALL!
THOSE DAMN ENGINEERS WITH A DEGREE AND ALL CAN'T PUT A FUCKING IF IN THE DAMN CODE!
I'M RESTARTING THE DAMN THING, I DON'T WANT AN UPDATE! FUCK! UPDATE THIS SHIT WHEN I HIT THE SHUTDOWN BUTTON AT LEAST!15 -
Bloody bitch. Asks me to analyze pretty big schema and write my concerns. Sits with me for 30 minutes, gets the details and sends a mail to the lead and claims 12 fucking hours of work. It's me who did all the work bitch not you. I am supposed to report to her.1
-
!devrant
Dear discord.
Instead of having a login button that takes me to "claim your account", how about you let me actually fucking LOGIN with my motherfucking account I already signed up with?
This is like basic-bitch UX feedback.
How the fuck did you fucking incompetents fuck up this bad?
God damn if I ain't done with bad fucking UX.
It's 2020. Could you motherfuckers idk, do your actual fucking jobs? Or are you all busy over at discord home office looking at cat memes and fisting each others prolapsed cunts like a bunch of fucking jackasses?
Jesus fucking christ it's like I woke up in fucking clown world, where every company thats successful is run by people more incompetent than me. Fix your fucking shit discord.11 -
2nd rant this week on PHP PDO
PHP 💩:
PHP message: SQLSTATE[HY000]: General error: 2014 Cannot execute queries while other unbuffered queries are active. Consider using PDOStatement::fetchAll(). Alternatively, if your code is only ever going to run against mysql, you may enable query buffering by setting the PDO::MYSQL_ATTR_USE_BUFFERED_QUERY attribute
Me 🤬:
THATS WHAT I’M FUCKING USING. STOP FUCKING COMPLAINING. YOU DIDN’T LIKE THE FUCKING COLONS FOR YOUR FUCKING PARAMATETRS, NOW YOU HATE YOUR OWN FUCKING FETCHALL() METHOD YOU PEICE OF SHIT, AND YOU CAN’T HAVE ANY OTHER ACTIVE QUERIES AS IT’S THE FIRST FUCKING QUERY. ARRGHHH!!!!!
What the actual fuck is wrong with PDO. It bitches about everything 😡.8 -
WhaT DO you DO oUTsiDE oF wORK? tell ME SOmETHiNg INtereStInG, PreFerABLY noT RelaTED To yOUR joB Or iNdUStry.
You think I have "time" outside of work? I fucking huff copium like every other fucking wageslave, and we ain't fucking friends so I'm not going to divulge the exact types and flavors of choice for me to be judged.
I don't have the time, money or energy to fucking have some respectable instagrammable hobbies for your stupid like about wanting well rounded people.
We both know all you need from me is to not be an asshole.
At a certain point it feels like the industry is going to compete with girls for shit-testing people except we have whiteboarding leetcode as well.7 -
Fucking dialog box with only one choice... “Stay Connected” what the hell did you even give me this choice for? What if I wanted to log out? Why prompt at all?3
-
Yes its completely necessary to have a spring server with a mysql database with docker containers all over your ass for 3 fucking endpoints and a (url, varchar, varchar) schema. Fuck you. How the fuck do i run all this shit and how do you expect me to create a frontend for something that has no documented endpoints?? Fuck you.
In other news, im now a senior.3 -
Question: What do you mean that you have a bachelor in computer science from college? What do you mean college?
Answer by me: Are you fucking stupid or something???? Give a fucking code test and I will saw you what college means... Little piece of shit!!!! And next time when you are searching for PHP developer do not ask for site development with WordPress experience you fucking noob!!!!4 -
Programmer: "Places : instead of ;"
Javascript: "What the fuck did you just fucking post about me, you absolute beginner? I'll have you know I worked for ten of the biggest silicon-valley industry companies, and I've been involved in over two hundred top secret projects including NodeJS. I am trained in refactoring the most fucked up code, and I'm the top C++er in the entire fucking internet-connected universe. You are nothing to me, but just another IP. I will fucking revoke your commits from your gitlab account with absolute dedication using only one Rasperry Pi client. Mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with posting that shit on one of my numerous very personal blogs? Your devices are fucking bricked, kid. My attack software can be anywhere, anytime, and it is tasked to remove your entire git contributions from planet earth. Not only am I extensively trained in remote cross-firewall device-hacking, but I have access to over 100 of the United States CIA and NSA git repositories. If only you could have known what doom-bringing C-one-liner you have raised from my fucking hands, maybe you would have held your fingers. But you could not. You did not. And now you're paying the price, noob. I will hail havoc upon your puny online-presence and you will drown in your own badly designed software. You're fucking offline, kiddo."11 -
Will these fucktards just FUCKING FIX EDUROAM! alright it's a WiFi network that works across the globe and there's challenges with that BUT DON'T MAKE ME HAVE TO MANUALLY RECONNECT EVERY random amount of time!!! I'll shove that fucking MSCHAPv2 down you fucking throats with that sweet sweets PEAP sauce bloody arseholes.
What do you fucking mean it works fine? NO IT BLOODY DOESN'T! Get your shit together and at least handle DHCP leases correctly and make them not expire every fucking minute!!
Also, how the flipping fuck does connecting to the eduroam VPN from within fucking eduroam make it more stable? Only ever so slightly though. Incompetent pieces of dick sucking craptards don't make me have to bring out the ethernet jack EVERY FUCKING TIME at school for christ's sake.
No, it doesn't make it my problem because I'm running Linux. Look on the Internet. The forums are fucking filled with people having issues and your docs are from 5 years ago so please kindly FUCK Off!!!15 -
Man fuuuuuuck, there's nothing more frustrating and scary than fucking up a local git repo. Because you know for a fact you won't be able to restore it
And I even had god damn backups of the .git folder. But reverting leaves me with more files than I started with fuuuck9 -
So after fucking around with me and promising me that I'd be first call if a position opened up but then hiring someone who didn't even show up for there previous interview, one of them messaged me saying a local ISP is looking to fill customer support positions...
Ho ho ho ho! Fuck you buddy! :-D -
Never be a perfectionist. I am one and it kills me inside. 99% of the time I am not happy with what I did because I know I can do better. Especially on exams. Not because of the grade but because I am not on par with what I know I can do. Its pissing me of so fucking much. Fucking bullshit. Why do I suck so fuckibg much ffs. For real: you should never become a perfectionist because I see what it does to me4
-
Internal system sent me an email with a dead link, saying a certificate is due to expire. Couldn't find the tool, opened IM with help support and was greeted with a passive aggressive note:
"Did you know that the support staff you speak too will use the same website available to you to resolve the issue, have you tried searching here ..."
... well thank you chat bot, did you know I wouldn't be here if said website actually fucking worked?3 -
Sysadmin gives me 32GB RAM for my workstation. Fucking Windows decides to create a 30 GB pagefile just in case the 32GB RAM are not enough. So my systems SSD is getting peppered with rubbish. Thank you Microsoft...4
-
I fucking hate everyone who sends me a voice message, Just text me motherfucker how can I find some info we discussed earlier, you want me to listen to all your stupid messages with your lazy ass voice to only find the shit I'm looking for.4
-
Consultant: "I don't agree with that, it's got to be something else" when you point to a known fault with the function they are using in the framework.
Then you send them 10 articles from stackoverflow and the framework's own website.
Consultant: "Oh. Thank you."
Just let me fix the damned bugs and not have to justify every single fucking change I have to make to make the damned thing work the way it is fucking supposed to.
This is why we can't have nice things. -
I just want to get fucking home... This is the second flight canceled... NO I DONT WANT TO GET IN A FUCKING HOTEL AND FLY TOMORROW...
Excuse me sir your flight was canceled.... SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING SLUT
DON'T EVER FLY WITH THOSE FUCKTARDS3 -
As someone who didn´t work with dependency injection in almost all projects before:
I legitimately sat here for half an hour and asked myself how to fucking access a new database context...
Me:
You can´t just add that to the constructor.
Dependency Inection:
Yes you can!2 -
I used to think our IT Support team is the most insufferable. I'm wrong and very sorry; if you guys are here to forgive me.
On the chart now is the security team.
The head of the security team doesn't simply understand that you can fucking not mix some programming languages in the same execution environment.
He is flipping making arguments on executing Javascript in a Java environment. He simply thinks Java is fucking Javascript. Yeah, I know you can make some drifts with GraalVM; sure not in our use-case.
Cross-Site Scripting has a fucking limit. You can't just pass any piece of code to mixed with a complied code and expect it to execute. Except if I'm wrong then I need someone here to show me how because he couldn't tell me how as he was just cynical in every damn way. moda sucker.4 -
https://ibm.com/support/home/...
What the actual fucking fuck? I've spent almost two days debugging this motherfucking piece of shit.
So.
YOUR BIOS HAS A WINDOW WITH A DROP SHADOW SO VERY COOL OF YOU IBM, BUT YOU CAN'T GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER WHEN IT COMES TO BOOTING.
I mean, what's the fucking logic? I don't fucking need a nice interface to my BIOS. No one fucking does when it comes to server hardware.
This is it for me. Fuck IBM. Fuck it hard. I really hope Oracle buys you.3 -
Recruiter answered me
Rejected
They decided to choose another candidate because... [the reason will be announced at the end of this rant]
...
I was working on my project
I am learning new tech
And shitting 10 times a day from these jobs and recruiters, the usual me
HE the recruiter contacted me a few days ago
HE offered me nodejs position
I AM the one who was HONEST and told him i dont work in nodejs i work in java
HE then continued the conversation
HE offered me a java spring boot backend position
I AM the one who read the requirements
🔥🔥🔥
REQUIREMENTS: 3+ years of experience
🔥🔥🔥
I AM the one who told him i have 5+ years of java spring boot and 8+ years of java experience.
HE said great I'll contact the clients and let them know
TWO WEEKS LATER OF SILENCE
"unfortunately they chose some other candidate because they need someone with 10+ years of experience for this role"
---
Are you fuc
Fucking
Ki
Wasting my Fucking time?
You decide to slam into my peace and offer me a job position with ALL THE REQUIREMENTS I FULFILL, JUST TO RANDOMLY REJECT ME FOR AN INVALID FUCKING REASON?
If i said i had 10 years of experience
They would reject me because i dont have 15+
If i had 15+ years of experience i would get rejected for not having 30+
If i had 30+ years of experience fucking your whole family and bombing them to dust like in palestine till their bones die and worms eat your fucking down syndrome brains, they would say i need 160+ year of experience
Fyck you
Truly.
From the bottom
Of my fucking balls and cum
From my fucking dick
From my fucking shit and asshole
From my vomit
I wish you death.
I wish karma to kill all of their family members (the clients who rejected me) slowly one by one. Final destination accidents type of deaths. Truly i hope you and wish you the worst.
[Here the intro continues]
I will repeat again:
- REQUIREMENTS: 3+ years
I have:
- 8+ years
They rejected me because:
- I don't have 10+ years
I told all of this to recruiter now. Politely but because im losing my patience i was very very passive aggressive with my response. In the context of
1. I TRULY dont give a fuck for your rejection (which is the truth)
2. Your clients are low IQ dumb as fucking retards because they choose people based on the YEARS OF EXPERIENCE
3. Explained him: IF YOU ARE SO FUCKING STUPID TO UNDERSTAND THIS COMMON SENSE, I'LL EXPLAIN IT TO YOU: CHOOSING DEVS SOLELY BASED ON THE YEARS OF EXPERIENCE MEANS YOU ARE FUCKING STUPUD. There are devs with 2 years of experience who are WAY smarter better efficient and more knowledgeable than some devs with 5-7 OR MORE years of experience. Thats because some people progress better faster or more efficiently in 2 years while others need 5 years. Etc. You're fucking stupid as shit for this sole decision
4. Indirectly let him know that i am not pissed off for rejection. I am pissed off for my time being FUCKING WASTED.
5. Also pointed him out: your job description says its looking for a dev with 3+ years of experience i told you i have 8+ and you reject me because I don't have 10+. Are you Fucking stupid? Fuck you. Truly fuck off. Get the fuck off my dick and eat the shits i shit straight out of my asshole. I'll shit in your fucking mouth you fucking bitch. Your wife also probably fucks some other guys while you're at work and she doesnt respect you or love you. In the matter of fact give me your fucking wife/gf and I'll Fucking fuck her to death
To the clients once again: Truly i hope Hamas fires a missile at israel but misses and hits your fucking home and your whole fucking family blows up to atoms and particles. Completely erased from existence.14 -
That rage when you reinstall Ubuntu MATE on its partition, and it decides to nuke your Windows partition instead, with all the files you had on it too.
FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
HOW HARD CAN IT FUCKING BE TO INSTALL YOURSELF WHERE I FUCKING TELL YOU TO? WHY THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN ASK ME WHAT TO DO, IF YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A MIND OF YOUR OWN ANYWAY?
DIE IN A FIRE5 -
Reading job offerings makes me want to choke their writers, I don't fucking care about all the fucking bs you are writing, just give a SHORT list with SIMPLE info.
Just one post already gave me a headache.3 -
Fucking spam
Useless pieces of shit
Targeting my dad, fools, he has me 🤡
I'm gonna flood you with fake emails and passwords
So much that you will stop spamming and then I'll continue a little bit, just to be safe
Fucking bastards1 -
FUCK YOU GITHUB AND YOUR MASTER SLAVE BLEEDING FUCKING HEART SPINELESS FUCKING HYPERSENSTIVE BULLSHIT TO BEGIN WITH !!! NOW FUCK YOU FOR REMOVING SHELL AUTHENTICATION AND GIVING ME A GODDAMN OTHER THING TO ANNOY ME !20
-
Dear classmates,
I know our school is shitty as hell, that there is a fucking monitor missing and cables flying around.
BUT DON'T DARE TO LIE TO ME AGAIN. "Can you please move one to the right you're blocking the chair and we want to sit together". YES I KNOW. BUT DO YOU HAVE SEEN, THERE IS A FUCKING COMPUTER MISSING, MAYBE THAT'S WHY I AM SITTING HERE, NOT BECAUSE I'M DUMB AS FUCK AND DON'T SEE I AM BLOCKING A CHAIR!
"We can change later, but we want to sit here for now"
OH YEAH I KNOW. LIKE THE 20 OTHER TIMES YOU LIED TO ME WITH THAT IT'S JUST TEMPORARY. And then you come with come on don't be so childish and your friends start doing so too. WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ONE TIME ON MY FUCKING PLACE AND STOP ANNOYING ME AS HELL JUST BECAUSE PEOPLE FOLLOW YOU AND LET ME JUST SIT AT MY FUCKING PLACE.
I AM NOT CHILDISH, I AM JUST NOT BELIEVING IN THESE LIES. WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO SIT THERE TEMPORARY? IT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE...3 -
Have you ever been so confused with the professor requirements for a Java requirement that you had to decompiled his fucking example only to realize he went COMPLETLEY DIFFERENT ROUTE THAT THE BLACK ASSHOLE HE REQUESTED? GOD I FUCKING WANT TO THROW THROW MY MACBOOK AT HIM, IM HERE AT THE UNIVERSITY FOR 12 HOURS, ITS FUCKING 5 AM RIGHT NOW, THE SUN IS FUCKING RISING AND THERE IS LIGHT IN THE SKY TELLING ME TO KILL MYSELF LIKE JESUS CHRIST WHAT AM I A CODESLAVE NOW? FUCK.
FYI, there's also an addition of 7 students with me too, we're doomed.3 -
So here we go again.
Same "web designer", same me, same website (based on wordpress, completely redone front-end UI, full of ACF to keep their fucking data).
WD: ok, I'll need you to add an information on the project page template in order to show a gallery with slider at the bottom and "film+visuals" at the top if there is a gallery.
Me: ok
1 week later, after like 40 e-mails between us deciding if it was ok or not on DEV server and pushing it to PROD
Me: ok, done
WD: hey, if it's just a film there should be written "FILM" while there's nothing showing, also the gallery must have same height as the film above
Me, internally: why the fuck didn't you fucking tell me before pushing to PROD? are you fucking dumb or something?
Me, via email: ok, i'll check it now...2 -
An old friend just texted me and asked me to hack Facebook. Again.
FUCK OFF. I'm not a fucking work-horse, I'm not a slave, and I'm not fucking with something as meaningless and stupid as FB.
Go hack your way into his neck with an axe if you want to, I'll even help, but fuck messing with their social life. Go for the disease, not the symptoms.4 -
I’ve been an angry old man this week. Frustration is a bitch, especially when you can’t really pinpoint the source of it with any resemblance of certainty.
Maybe it’s that having been constantly stressing over the impending graduation and the effort required to get there with too little time and energy to actually achieve it is boiling over.
Maybe it’s the reality of having absolutely zero me time since last March playing fucking ping pong with my head.
Maybe it’s me having trouble getting back to terms with a certain codebase after being assigned to other projects for the last almost 1,5 years and now trying to finish something the ex-lead started before he left.
And most certainly it’s the constant stream of brainless verbal vomit that raises the misanthropy levels through the roof.
Fucking juniors, fucking seniors, fucking Swedes, fucking C-level arseholes, fucking green dots, fucking idiots, fucking ”woke” ass social media influencers, fucking posers - Fuck You All!5 -
Me: focused on coding....
Manager: we have that call tomorrow with the customers it guy.
Me: sure.
Manager: could you write the questions down, so you don't forget it.
Me: I Am FUCKING CODING.... I WROTE THE FUCKING SYSTEM ITTSSS MINE I DON'T FORGET WHAT I WROTE YOU PIECE OF SHIT.... -
So Mozilla let's you download old version of Firefox for people like me who update then find none of their extensions work. But Firefox comes with auto updates by default so it just fucking updates anyway to the new version and everything fucking breaks. Fuck you Mozilla.3
-
Listen, i really understand you want to know how much a certain resource is downloaded/viewed and so on. But what gets on my nerves is to sign up my email address every fucking time i want to see your semi-tech-but-actually-selling-you-a-pile-of-sperm-fermented-shit whitepaper . yes i know there is something called disposable email adresses and such... But if stuff is 'free' as you say you have, then make it available free!
Every time i think 'hey, this is actually relevant to my interests, let me read up more on that...' i hit the fucking 'insert your email for a free download'
Fuck off! Put your fucking form in the pits of hell and seal it in a fucking fucking dome next to fucking research subject akira with 99 fucking layers of fucking nuclear blast proof wall domes! I dont want you to fucking send me your fucking spam mails about every ideafart your sales dept has fired becausz they were high on computer cleaner spray tubes and thought 'let's trick those stupid people into our marketing scheme', go and fucking jump into a barrel of highly concentrated radioactive waste!
The only thing you manage to do for me like that is to fucking close the tab i had a slight interest in and never look back again!
Am i the only one getting angry about this?undefined always a fucking catch fuck your metrics when free isn't free signup for free stuff is bollocks2 -
tl;dr fuck me, I'm stupid, I suck at my job and I wanna die but can't complain because I'm labeled ungrateful
I am -this- close... -this- close to strangling someone, or myself for that matter, over trying to finish this goddamned website that I regret taking on just because I needed the money.
You make me rework my website design three times and eventually end up micro-managing me and keep on making me make small changes that even I can't figure out, nor can anyone else for that fucking matter because you want it to be 'perfect'. God I'm so irritated right now let me fucking sleep. I want out so bad but fuck me sideways with my gaping asshole I need the fucking money.
I wanna quit this shit so bad, it's making me hate myself and throwing me into an existential crisis whether or not am I even a good designer / developer because I just can't satisfy this perfectionist asshole and need to greet him with a smile every fucking time to maintain good terms between our startups.undefined i just wanna sleep i don't wanna do this anymore just someone kill me i hate my job right now8 -
Error reporting was flooded with failed database connection connections with me being baffled what was causing it.
Yeah, fucking network operator didn't tell us anything about maintenance work. Fuck you, too. -
"I used to be a developer back in the days"
yep ... maybe this is true - but the fact is: I'm the developer and you aren't - do your fucking work and don't bother me with stuff you don't understand ...1 -
School's principle: *is being unclear of what is asked*
Me: *asks lots of questions to try to understand*
SP: *keeps being unclear*
Me: *think I understand, I'll do something that will match with what I'm supposed to do*
-- 2 days before due date --
SP: omg stop it's not that at all
Me: wait wtf you told me that 3 months ago
SP: yOu uNdersdtoOd wHat yOu WaNtEd, tHat'S a ProBlEm yOu rEaLLy nEed To fiX
HOW ABOUT YOU GO AND DIE SOMEWHERE YOU SON OF A BITCH
Now I have until monday to write 30 fucking pages of something that keeps making no fucking sense. FUCK !2 -
Can somebody please tell me What is wrong with Microsoft and their broken piece of shit software?! (sorry to any Microsoft devs, if you read this). How the hell is it that their fucking installer and system repair features is this fucking useless? "Sorry, can't install on disk 0,cause the disk is in gpt format" NO SHIT, you were the fucking asshole who formatted it from the begining. Douchebag.10
-
```
me@host $ vagrant init bento/centos-7.2
me@host $ vagrant up && vagrant ssh
me@vm $ ping google.com
error: unknow host
```
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME
I FUCKING REINSTALLED BOTH, VIRTUALSHITBOX AND VAGRANTFUCK; THIS IS FROM FUCKING SCRATCH, WHAT THE FUCKING SHITFUCK DO YOU MEAN WITH UNKNOWN HOST???3 -
Something that really grinds my gears recently is ”black boxes”. I get a dll to work with, completly without documentation and any desceiptions. An hour later people asks me, ”so hows it going, done yet?”.
No, im not done yet and I probably wont be in any near future you fucking morons, start documenting your fucking software as normal human beings.2 -
"The Marketplace has extensions that can help with '.disable' files"
Humor me VSCode Marketplace... what fucking extension do you recommend for my '.disable' file today?6 -
Yes ! Just copy paste an entire fucking react dashboard into our NextJs project !
But don't stop there mate. Fuck up your branch and mine too to a point even gitkraken can't tell me exactly what fucking operations you did.
This is my first Next project and my first time working with this new client and it's going tits up in less than a month. Fucking great job.3 -
Recruiter: What are your expectations?
Me: I am flexible with the number. You must have allocated a budget for the role. We can discuss that number.
Recruiter: I have all the budget. Give me your number.
Me: 12.
Recruiter: That’s around 100% hike.
DIDN’T YOU JUST FUCKING SAID YOU HAVE ALL THE BUDGET?!3 -
!rant
How do you guys deal with tiredness? I mean, holy shit, I feel so fucking tired all the time that it's starting to affect me at my work! Is it because I'm in school while I work? Is it because I don't get enough sleep? All I want is this FUCKING TIREDNESS TO GO THE FUCK AWAY, HOLY SHIT!14 -
Fuck this algorithms course. How the fuck do you expect me to populate a 2d array of N^2 elements with data in linear time if you won't fucking let me write to more than one element at a time???
Dear CS department,
Make sure your homework makes fucking sense before shipping it off to students.
Regards,
A pissed off student
And before anyone comes at me with this "But you can technically do that if there's k*N elements and it would still be linear time" shit, fuck off; there's a worst case of needing to write to half the elements in the 2d array so it's still N^2 no matter how you try to "but technically" your way though it.3 -
manually writing multiselector widget with jquery and javascript, because you need to be able hackily pass in metadata for some stupid fucking edge case that the previous generation didn't want to deal with
please euthanize me, i fucking hate frontend and im sure it hates me back3 -
Wanted to write a personal rant but fuck it, that shit that I wrote is too cheesy. Let me just say: I hate myself for not being able to work as a fucking human being. I hate every fucking human out there. I want to be fucking left alone and do what I want without feeling like a disgrace. I want to be me and be happy. Fuck you.
With love, some whiny boy4 -
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!!!
IT'S A FUCKING VPN AND THEY CAN'T FUCKING PROTECT IT'S CONFIG FILES FROM JS!!!!!
https://thehackernews.com/2018/02/...
ooh first rant with dvorak2 -
This has been said before, but i'm gonna be honest with you here, straight from the bottom of my heart
Fuck the new chrome design is fucking repulsive, when did material == rounded corners.
This design reminds me more of what facebook is trying to do with their grotesque messenger.5 -
OMG you fucking dick! All I asked if you minded if I created a PR to push your branch to prod because test was down.
You didn’t have to bother the fucking software architects in a group chat with me saying I needed fucking help.
If you wrote the isset function correctly to begin with or even put the JSON file in the correct repo like every other file on the site this would not be a problem.
Fuck contractors! Fuck Assholes!2 -
Microsoft is fucking kidding me with the fall creators update, default onscreen keyboard is so tiny (that little black box below the login form) that the letters are rendered indistinguishable and you can hardly touch them with your finger. WTF?!?!4
-
So I just bought an Intel Optane SSD for my PC, and then this came up...
"Intel® Optane™ Arbeitsspeicher unterstützt keine auf PCIe-Festplatten installierten Systeme"
or in English:
"Intel® Optane™ RAM doesnt support Systems installed on PCIe-Harddrives"
LIKE WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU INTEL! I JUST BOUGHT THIS SHIT AND NOW YOU FUCKING TELL ME IT DOESNT FUCKING WORK BECAUSE I HAVE A FUCKING M.2 SSD WITH WINDOWS ON IT? WHATS WRONG WITH YOU ASSHOLES! FUCK THIS!12 -
Former co-founder is harassing me and threatening me with lawsuits.
Get the f** off my face you fucking scammer.
#rant3 -
Me : *insert random name here* .js is a sign you are lazy devs.
My Friend : Meh, this is just side project. Only to try it out.
Me : You still can do that fast in plain js tho.
Also Me Sometimes later:
MF : whacha tryna' do?
Me : gonna deploy this app real quick.
MF : what js framework do you use ?
Me : Yes.
God something's wrong with me. Fucking hell.2 -
People that contact me through LinkedIn trying to sell me some marketing shit or asking me about some issue with the service provided by a company that I started but with which I don't have any relation whatsoever since October 2016, which by the way is pretty clearly stated in my LinkedIn profile,…
DON'T YOU KNOW HOW TO FUCKING READ??? Stop pestering me about that company. I don't have anything to do with it, I can't do anything about it and, even if I could, I DON'T FUCKING WANT TO.1 -
How much experience do you have in asp.net? Answered. Next question - How about web development, how much in that? These so called fucking tech recruiters in India are making this industry a mess. These fucking donuts have no clue what are they hiring for, study done on profile is next to zero and then they call you and ask you such questions.
The day was going pretty badly already and this tech recruiter calls me up and starts evaluating my profile and whether it matches with her clients requirement or not! So she starts with some basic stuff and then drops the said pearl of wisdom. After listening that question I went full retard in less than 3 seconds. But our miss mumbo Dumbo proceeds and asks me how many years of experience in xml and Json and whether I have worked on html (!!!!!!). You fucking knucklehead why don't you fucking first have a basic knowledge about your job first and then start dialing? You just caused me a massive migraine attack you dimwitted slack jawed idiot.3 -
One thing that slightly triggers me..
When people start a sentence with question and/or exclamation mark..
"!? Are you fucking kidding me??"
Having a tendency to interpret it as a statement rarely works out well...4 -
You crazies do whatever you have to do with your little "plan"... but if you mother fuckers take down my internet I will come out of this fucking basement with the rage of fucking Loki and it won't fucking matter to me what side you thought you were on.1
-
A coworker, Linux fan, argued (seriously) with me today that I shouldn't run 3 distros on my laptop because I'm "such a MS fanboy".
Let's make a bet, if I can squeeze your throat by reaching it from Ur anus u lil cunt WOULD YOU FUCKING LET ME DO MY SHIT WITHOUT GIVING ME YOUR UNWORTHY OPINION YOU FUCKING FAILED ABORTION
FUCKING
MONKEY13 -
Ok I take back what I said about having luck with hardware and software sometimes, why is it so fucking difficult to setup a linux distribution with your home directory on a seperate drive... Just why...
༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ Tux be with me
(Please feel free to enlighten me if you are aware of a way I can do this)8 -
"Tips" are fucking stupid. Any waiter or anyone who expects me to "tip" them is a fucking clown hobo. Full disrespect
You're telling me i should pay you extra money or else you're not gonna do YOUR job right? A job where you already receive stable monthly salary?
Whoever standardized "tipping" is a fucking CLOWN. Must have been a restaurant business paying billions for this marketing scam to normalize as if tipping 2$ is normal
Who the fuck are you? Are you my fucking friend? A relative? A family member? Why the fuck should i pay you extra money just because you want some extra money?
Guess what fucktard. I want some extra money too. Has anyone ever tipped me in my job? No. Has a client or will a client who paid for a software i develop ever tell me "hey youve done such a great job heres some extra $$$"? No. Will a client ever tell me "hey your software earned me 100k$ heres a $100 tip or a $1000 tip"? NO
If i dont get tips Fuck you. Rough world and live with it.
Anyone who wants or expects tips I immediately view him as:
- beggar
- gypsy
- homeless
What the fuck are you gonna do with 2$ 5$ 10$ tip bro? You're broke and your job sucks go and learn some skill and you might earn more if you're so stubborn about a tip
Today i paid for coffee $7 but the price was 6.25$. Expecting a change, the waiter just went off. I told him give me my fucking 0.75$ back you fuck. And so he did. But he gave me back 0.7$. Where the fuck is my 0.05$????? Fucking retard. You want to take extra money from me just for a COFFEE. YOURE HOMELESS BRO TF U GONNA DO WITH 5 CENTs???
Also the reason why i get so pissed off about this is
1) The other day i was at some other coffee shop also paying for coffee. Dont remember the price but i paid. However i miscalculated. I paid 0.10$ less than i was supposed to. She was standing there and telling me I'm missing 10 Fucking cents. Confused, i calculated again and realized i made a mistake. So i round it up to 1$ instead of 0.10$ and she kept everything instead of giving me the change of 0.90$. So its NOT ok that you're a gypsy for not accepting the payment because its missing 10 cents, but its TOTALLY fine that you take 0.90$ extra money just because you want to. GET FUCKED
2) The other day i was in a store buying food. At the cashier i paid $27. However i was missing 0.02$. The cashier told me do you have 0.05$ to coverup the missing funds. In disbelief, i was looking at her could not believe my fucking eyes what she asked. How fucking POOR can you get. I gave her more than 2 fucking cents and proceeded with my shit
Very valuable shit i learned from these stories: NO ONE will give a shit to accept a payment even if its missing 1 FUCKING CENT. But its totally fine that they dont return me however much they dont want to.
How about you sometimes fucking say "hey i know you you come to this store very often heres a discount"???
Or "its fine that you dont have 0.01 fucking dollars, you can take your food"???
Or "hey i seen you buy here often heres a fucking discount just for you today"????
Because of that i have decided to take ALL of my fucking hard earned money and ask for the exact change. I dont give a FUCK just as much as THEY dont give a FUCK.
For reference:
0.01$ = 1 in my currency
0.90$ = 90 in my currency
27$ = 2900 (4 figures) in my currency
My currency is shit. My country is shit. People in my city are shit. The whole vibe here is shit. And perhaps that is why i shit so much because i get stuffed with too much daily BULLSHIT12 -
FUCK you "WP iThemes Security Pro".
First of all, your FUCKing services isn't really secure, more like security by obscurity.
Don't get me started on how you probably don't have a dedicated team of security experts.
But oh well, the customer insisted I must install you, despite my advise.
Second of all, Don't FUCKing send me emails regarding "Scheduled malware scan failed" without it containing the FUCKing error message, not some generic "http_request_failed" error, why did it FUCKing fail?
Last but not least: Don't FUCKing clutter is with with your giant ass logo that takes up half my screen or FUCKing spam such as your upcoming events, newly published books/articles, incorrect "documentation"2 -
Fuck you Scaleway! With a large rusty spiked pole!
Yesterday you locked my account due to "suspicious activity" and asked me for ID to verify me for "anti-fraud reasons". Fair enough. I comply, and you unlock my account.
Today, another person from support locks my account AGAIN, saying that I haven't yet replied and requests that I send you my ID *AGAIN*.
Either you motherfuckers have no fucking clue how to handle a fucking support ticket, or your answers are NOT FUCKING CLEAR.
Fuck you and your free credits, I'd rather spend money on a service I can actually rely upon.5 -
STOP FUCKING ADDING MORE STUFF TO THE FREAKING TICKET, the stuff you're asking for me to do doesn't have anything to do with this TICKET, WHY DO YOU INSIST ON DOING THIS FUCKING SHIT!?
TL:DR Client asks for this: -------
Finishes the project with this: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -
Me, working hard on a SQL project with a deadline that is half what it should be with no support from the other people on the project and was mostly made with with data I imagined would be in there cos no one could get me any fucking shit done (i.e. effectively designed, built, tested, fixed, upgraded, documented on my own for an entire weekly/monthly/ad-hoc analysis process that would output various reports for internal/external/management)
Manager - man who is a known waste of space but for some reason is in charge of the smallest part of the project, shouldn't have been fucking involved fucking management guzzling stain magnet...
Manager: Hey, do I need to refresh the database?
Me: .................
Me: .................
Me: ............I dunno, do you think we should refresh the database that this entire project is reliant? I mean...why do we need up to date transactions to analyse? Wait....you telling me it's not been being refreshed this ENTIRE time?
Manager: No....you never said I should. So should I?
Me: ..................I never said you should!?!? Are you not in the meetings talking about dependencies?????? Do you think i should have up to date trans or just run this with old stuff????? Why would you not update it!??!!?!?!? Its transactions...... (Desperately trying not to punch through my screen, through his, into his throat)
Manager: ..............
Me: .................
Manager: I think i'll refresh it and add it to the job?
Me: ....................(goes back to work cursing with music in so I think its quiet but who knows).
Tard, don't know how he even gets to work without someone holding his fucking hand.
Happy ending, I don't work there anymore :p
Sad ending, his spirit of tard follows me to my new jobs and possesses someone (or three sometimes) -
!dev. NMBS is Belgian rail service
Fucking NMBS you arseholes! Put a cactus in your arse and a pinecone in you urethra and go sit in lotus position with me in your neck!! The fucking train of 0920 still has to leave, it'd 1250 now! My train has been cancelled, everything else has at least 30 minutes delay. They announce over the speakers that a train will come in 3 minutes to the next station. Train fucking rushes by like a fucking drugged roadrunner with TNT on its burning tail! You had better payed back my ticket or I'll smash jn that fancy window at your ticket office and choke you until you carry me home fucking arseholes.3 -
The latest scam someone that works with me fell for - I hope I just prevented the rest of my company from falling for (will know tomorrow). Firstly we use fucking imap, secondly how the fuck did you email me to tell me I can't receive emails???
Still pretty well executed.4 -
Context: large project moves to touch friendly UI, request and initial specs late last year, specs initial mockups early this year, designer promises final design before end of Q1.
Two sprints into development no fucking design, meeting today about it, designer has no fucking clue about what we actually agreed to last time. Promises again to have it for next time.
What the actual fuck? How difficult it is to least read up the fucking notes and do your fucking job that you are being paid for? Had a half fucking year!
After meeting...
Me: why do we even keep him around?
Pm: he is really overbooked...
Me: my balls are overbooked, don't promise if you can't deliver! (Leaves meeting room)
Fairly confident that this is the last project with this guy...
Am I the only one who just hates working with designers?2 -
“OhhHhh please fill out an entire fucking excel sheet for our test environment deployment. It helps us manage everything better and gives us a reason to fucking thumb around in our holes all day and pretend like we really mean something as managers.” Like absolutely no, you can go fuck yourself with a condom filled with broken glass shards and diseases is what YOU can do. You are a parasite.
“Senior lead developer” - but they don’t have a title - says: “please just give me the list of files I need to manually change on the env in real time”. Bitch, do you even know what CI/CD is?!?!? The fact that you have been doing this for a year straight makes me pity how much of a fucking dumbass you really are. Even if u don’t use a pipeline, just look at my fucking git changes. That’s literally why we have it. You are a fucking disgrace of a developer and I hope you know that everyone who is a competent dev would rather bathe in a bath filled with lemon juice and cactus spikes, before EVER working with YOU EVER AGAIN!!!2 -
Microsoft FUCK YOU!
How the fuck did you lock my account and make it impossible for me to recover it.
I have send you all the information that you have asked me and you still tell me that you can't prove my ownership? Bullshit!
Aggggghhh, this is making so angry since all my accounts are setup to log in with that email account.
This is why I hate technical support people who only reply what is written in a fucking script.
Sorry for swearing that much. Not really. Fuck you Microsoft!1 -
FUCK YOU MyThemeShop FUCK YOU with your shitty licensing solution. I'm just trying to develop a fucking wordpress site on my own fucking local computer. Why TF will you not allow me to fucking sign into my own account. all it fucking does is infinitely load and it does not do fucking anything. you advertise 24/7 support but it takes your fucking bitch ass support team over 10 hours to reply to my dead fucking simple email. ALSO why the fuck can I not change what domain my theme goes to from the online panel. I'm trying to fucking use ngrok and now i cant because it is by domain and not by site. FUCK YOU AND YOUR LAME ASS FUCKING COMPANY GIVE ME MY FUCKING MONEY BACK RIGHT NOW YOU FUCKING BITCH.7
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Office manager/HR:
• this is fucked up!
• I fucking hate this shit of a job
• I took a pay cut to get this job MF
• come near me and I'll cut you #moodtoday
Anyone else have similar experience with HR? -
This fucking manual with their abstract ssl section is driving me nuts. Why do you need so many keys? Fucking jks!
Fuck your pseudonyms, and why in the name of the holy cunt do you have to cope them with aliases?
Jerry, barry, tango. You all get a fucking certificate!
Jerry is an asshole, barry is a cuntand I don't even know who tango is, but fuck tango in particular! -
Dear client, when I reply to your email with ""Noted with thanks". You really don't have reply back to me with "Thanks". You are just wasting the internet bandwidth. Do you fucking know how expensive is the bandwidth.1
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Windows : fuck you i delete your KMS file
Windose : your licence is expiring in 30 days
Me: re apply KMS and disable that fucking useless anti virus
Window just self permit to delete my file with no fucking reason and not notify me in is shiti settings panel1 -
"Microsoft programming chief to devs: Tell us where windows hurts you"
You must be kidding, right? Since Windows 10 it hurst the moment it is installed on my fucking PC. I don't want those fucking cloud functionality on my fucking PC. If I want it, I would work on a Mac FFS!
Let me decide when to update my god damn machine! Even with a fucking enterprise edition it is not possible the way I want it! Yeah, I don't have to login with a Microsoft Account, but there is always a small, little, Microsoft-Hating-Devil in my Head telling me: "Who knows, if they don't sync your clipboard even, if you don't login with a Microsoft Account?" (Cloud synced Clipboards are the next bis shit coming!!!)
There is not much left, and Linux will be my all day OS (second boot atm).4 -
C# Collection class had me pulling my hair out for hours the past two days.
With a list, you can do new List<T>(IEnumerable<T>) and it creates a new list with the contents of the parameter in it.
With new Collection<T>(ICollection<T>), however, the new object is a reference to the parameter passed in.
Is it just me, or does that seem fucking bonkers?2 -
PIC C programming on Linux with MPLAB, the editor from the manufacturer
I particularly hated the debugger
I don know of it was just me because I didn't understand it but *screams* SHIT FUCK WHY DON'T YOU READ THE DATA YOU FUCKING CRYSTAL TRICKED INTO THINKING!? -
Fucking gdb with your stupid commands, showing me the memory allocation, shos me the data you stupid piece of shit, what is the value pointed by the pointer.
*Segmentation fault**core dumped*
Oh gdb! How much I missed you. Please don't ever leave me okay? -
WTF is wrong with with you VS?!111 I only updated these efing NuGet packages and my whole project goes down the toilet? Don't tell me these files are not there!! THEY ARE!!!! I SEE THEM!!!
...ohh i forgot, my fault! these files in my packages folder are the new ones and YOU STILL WANT THE OLD FILES BECAUSE YOU FORGOT TO UPDATE YOU FUCKING PROJECT FILE! -
Don't you just love those people who sell projects which require months and months of hard work with a due date of two whole fucking months?! And worst of all, they act all fucking surprised when the project is not finished on time and it contains loads of bugs because of lack of testing time. Drives me insane..
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Me: *ask well detailed questions around Ruby on Rails and responses in JSON that won't fucking work because I don't know how to make it work my way*
Someone : *Answers*
Me: *tests the solution. Nothing works, his ruby syntax is from 1995, and it doesn't help me
Me: "Sorry but there's a syntax error in your answer, I don't know how to make your answer work. Plus, how should I edit my json.jbuilder file with your answer?
Dude: " I am not a RoR developer by trade, I just know how HTTP works :)"
WE ARE BOTH FUCKING LOOSING TIME HERE YOU FUCKING MORON
Same dude: " I don't see any of that in your code and I'm not sure what you want to edit? Seems to me like you don't really need to, but I'm not sure"
YOU ARE NOT A FUCKING ROR DEVELOPER, YOU SAID IT YOURSELF, SO WHY DO YOU KEEP BOTHERING?
(n.b. : I litteraly pasted his two last answer. Didn't edit anything) -
Stupid monkey-shit-eating faggot! Choke on a flabby, pulsating camel genital while the balls beating your ugly face. We supposed to be business partners, still all your promises mean a fucking cheesburger from a syphilitic pub you arrogant shame of humankind!!!! Did I say we don't have time for this or that project in time. FUCKING YES!!! Did you care. NO! Did I say write a proper contract with the client?????!!!! DID I?? Still I've done my best with everything beeing hell of a priority! Did I missed some bugs yeah I fuckin did. And after all the shit I have pulled you out you dare to fucking cry for the investors because the company not producing enough profit BECAUSE OF FUCKING ME?????? You peace of bloody phlegm!!! Where are we??!!! Clappy clap. In fucking kindergarden?!!! Okay I am done with this shit I dont care promising commision... I am out. Jobs in Hungary at a reliable company with decent humans?! I fucking hate this world full of people like this cockroach!!!!4
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Me: I am your fucking senior engineer...!
Co-founder: well, I still think there's nothing wrong with creating unsolicited user accounts and sending them mails unless you can quote a word-class source1 -
Politics. Dealing with people, making sure you check in with everyone at all times, making sure you don't seem harsh in code reviews. It's all just too fucking complicated. Just let me build shit.
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Show me how you made an http server with an arduino nano and an esp8266 via AT commands from the arduino, the arduino handling the clients.
No you didn't, this shit is fucking impossible.4 -
Angular Cli has been fucking gaslighting me for years. It gets itself in a twist and starts complaining about everything and anything: can't find this, you didn't import that, this is declared twice. NO IT FUCKIN ISNT. FUCKING UPDATE WHEN IM WORKING YOU PIECE OF SHIT.
If killing the ng serve and restarting it fixes the 'problems' THERE NEVER WAS A FUCKING PROBLEM TO BEGIN WITH. FUCK YOU ANGULAR3 -
No mother fucker, I don't give a fuck about you wanting me to reinvent the fucking wheel to do state management. I'll just use NgRX like any sane guy and just handle it with stores.
I don't fucking care if you're my Angular teacher and never heard about NgRX stores.
I don't even fucking know why I'm still in this fucking course to begin with.7 -
Wasting 7 sheets of paper because of this fucking HP Officejet(6600). ALL I ASKED WAS TO PRINT THAT FREAKING 14 PAGE LONG DOCUMENT AND YOU WITH YOUR FUCKING OWN MIND LET ME UNSTUCK YOU 7 TIMES!!!
Me: Sends the document to the printer.
Printer: Let's do like I am going to print.
Printer: let's show the "document stuck" message
me: Let's open the back and remove the paper.
Printer: let's show the "document stuck" message
Me: Just pressed OK and it continues
WTF YOU AREN'T EVEN STUCK YOU FUCKING STUPID PRINTER.
Looks like every time I send a file to the printer at least the 1st sheet will troll me with that message.
Printer is asking for some free base jumping from the window lessons.1 -
Fucking fucks that look over your fucking shoulder and tattle on you to fucking management, instead of having a pair and talking to me about it. Apparently checking a phone is a no no.. I'm on overtime this week and I have this stupid kindergarten horseshit to deal with.. FUCKING FUCKERS1
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This is the story of me discovering devRant by accident.
---
I have never meddled with php before and I never intended to do so. For some reason, I accepted this consulting and chose Ci4 as the framework. All hell broke lose on my life. I could be a fucking idiot or the framework is a real ass wipe.
The setup took me hours and when I tried adding myth/auth, the real shit hit the giant fucking fan. WHAT THE FUCK PHP AND CI4? I tried all the weird fucking suggestions from the internet and you still fucked me in the ass with a bigger stick EVERY FUCKING TIME. I spent an whole night figuring you out and now I have my real job to login to with NO FUCKING SLEEP. You royally fucked my night and also my day without an ounce of A FUCKING CLOSURE.
Once I figure this out, Imma fuck the fucking project dealer and throw the weird ass shit on his ugly ass face and yell "FUCK YOU".
I am so depressed that this made me find an app to rant about it like a maniac.
-BrainlessIdiot2 -
When you can install laravel with homestead but you can't see the girl you like because the sky is literally fucking falling...
WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME? -
Hello my dear friend. I hate you. You are asking me why? You know exactly why.
I'm fucking tired with dealing with your fucking projects. Yeah, your unresponsive websites projects. You shove me a website, with crapton of images, JavaScript fireworks and you even dare to ask why website is lagging on mobile?
Also I hate you for ugly, custom fonts without Polish letters and you fucking are mad at me why some letters look different?
Last thing. If you ever again ask me why a website (look again at projects you are giving to me) is looking different on mobile, then I swear I will fucking rape you. (but maybe I will maybe kill you instead) -
Managers fucking fun activity. They're taking it away from meeting room. Shouting down the hall. I pinged my HR.
Me: How can one code with this noice
HR: I understand. You even have a typo with 'noise'
Shit fuck, here goes my weekend. I have to revisit what have I coded today 😠2 -
Something I should've ranted a while ago, it just came to my mind
We had to learn html and css (I knew a lot about it already, heck, I'm building a website for someone)
So, we had to use object tags to embed parts of the page like you'd do with php
The thing that fucking annoyed me was the stuff that's in the files we had to refer to in the tags
You had
doctype
Html
Body
The whole fucking header with its title and fucking meta tags and shit
Why the fuck would you teach it like that?!
I would've posted a picture but I was too annoyed by the code and deleted everything I had from that course
Ah yeah, they told us to use bluefish
I used notepad++ since I'm not a noon and I know my html tags and css stuff
OK I just tried to unlock my laptop with my fingerprint a thousand times and the smiley just fucking winks at me.
don't wink at me, fucking LET ME IN
It's dual booted with Linux, to try Linux, I'm actually liking it so far.
couldn't find any drivers for the fingerprint sensor yet, but we'll seeundefined dual story not even the teachers fault dual boot irrelevant tags teaching toomanytags multiple html tags bad practice redundancy wrong tags -
I'm pissed
Why the fuck do I need to install brew to have AWS' SAM CLI? Couldn't you provide me with an install script or an apt package? Now I have to install linuxbrew (never used it) and pollute my os with crap I'll never use just to have this fucking cli so I can create a fucking lambda function project on intellij idea.
Oh, I can install it with pip. Well yes but actually no. They fucking deprecated the pip package and just gave me a link with instructions on how to install it with brew.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I was praising AWS for their good docs yesterday, now I'm pissed at those lazy fucks >:(11 -
You know what is awesome. React with Redux. It is such a clean and scalable pattern for building UI. Conceptually not that easy but on once you have it. So much better than any other pattern I have seen.
But what fucks me off is working with other librarys with it not hard just fucking annoying.2 -
Fucking vagrant is supposed to streamline the fucking process and make everyone’s life easier, not ruin it with a shitload of bugs. Every fucking time!!! I’ll be better off using a USB, transferring the OS setup files at 2.0 speeds files, shoving it far up my rectum, shitting it the fuck out, and having the pipes transfer it over to you in the two fucking hours it’s taking me to fucking debug this clusterfuck.
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What the crap? Get this, I'm setting the timezone to UTC in PHP. All find and dandy, only that it gives me the wrong FUCKING date and time, like what is wrong with you xD I changed nothing since yesterday and yesterday it gave me the correct time xD2
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Fuck you System dot fucking Value fucking tuple you stupid piece of shit reference. This garbage half the time won’t install properly on local, app works fine on local without it, then I fight with it for hours getting it to work on the server because the server is a different .NET environment. It’s always this one giving me problems, always.
So go fuck yourself System.ValueTuple -
When your co-worker comes to you with a doubt and you explain to him patiently for 1 whole hour and all he has to say is "Yeah fine, can you just update my code with that and send it back to me.".
Why the fuck did you even ask me to explain if all you need to do is escape the work, you fucking moron!1 -
!development related
The problem with working for a school is depending on the district and there policy the sites you need are blocked. The district I'm at today blocks devRant and I'm posting this using mobile data.
LIKE WTF I FUCKING WORK HERE YOU ASSHATS LET ME FUCKING ACCESS THE SITES I NEED/WANT TO VISIT. I WORK FOR THE FUCKING DEPARTMENT THAT KEEPS ALL YOUR SHIT WORKING!2 -
FUCKING NGINX...........
I moved a website to a new server, and nginx redirects me to another fucking website on the same server. I have been trying to fix that for FUCKING 3 HOURS. I did everything. Disabled EVERY site on that server except that one, works. I go back. Guess what..... haha it goes back and FUCKING REDIRECTS ME TO OTHER SITES. You have to be fucking kidding me right 🖕. I check if I miswrote anything, check if it's the control panels fault (doesn't look like it). I make a vhost myself for the site (with the other still active to check if it detected the vhost). Reload...
nginx: "One vhost was ignored because the servername already exists". Yeah yeah you twat nginx.
So le me disables every site again (except le not working site). I enable every site again.
nginx: "owh hey * someip * heres the site".
Me: .............. 😡😡 fucking twat. 🖕🖕
BTW, have no clue what caused it. Seems to work now. It shouldn't be a DNS issue I checked that. Anyone any ideas? Appreciate it.3 -
God people undoing good work that made a property function correctly drives me fucking nuts
Wtf is wrong with you stupid fucking people ! Do you all want to live in fucking trash heaps ???76 -
I don't even know if the shitty rant gets through this unreliable service I pay for with my money. I want to fucking wrap my hand in that money, light it up and fucking beat your teeth out while shoving this fucking money down your greedy, second arseholes. Honestly, what am I paying you for. These last couple of days your service was less reliable than a drunkard behind the wheel trying to drive in a straight line. Exactly this fucking week where there's a fucking hackathon. This very fucking week l where I got to be the team leader, you make me look like a fucking unreliable internet twat who just talks big. This very fucking week I'm given a internet service that doesn't even let me communicate with my team mates. Why do you dare to display fucking 3g? Is the the force my fist should take? Is it the fucking amount of gallons of acid you want to be showered with? Well fucking pay that shit with the money you earned. Just let me fucking work, let me give my best, give me a fucking way to look at the docs, give me a fucking way to test my code (chat bot), give me a fucking way to tell you to go fuck yourself using your fucking antennas, maybe thst will help.
Kindly, a pissed of customer who's rage makes the heatwave look like a lesser evil.1 -
Recruiter message: Do you want to get an extra 50£ for Christmas? Get me in contact with one of your friends fitting this job description...
I DID NOT APPLY FOR A FUCKING RECRUITER POSITION! Either do your fucking job and forward my CV to a relevant employer or if my skills are too worthless for your Olympian standards STOP BOTHERING ME. -
This is so fucking stupid. Fuck. When they log defects on jira for different issues on the same page but in different tickets I end up having merge conflicts with myself. Like are you fucking kidding me?
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Le me.
Tasked with eval’ing SPA frameworks.
Gets down to business with Vue.
Fuck this shit.
It’s lovely when it works, but heaven help you if *anything* is slightly off.
What the fuck is Webpack?! Fucking ugly-ass, hydra-looking fuckery is what it is.
Cypress? Hah! Does it want to work? No it fucking does not.
Does anything tell me what’s wrong? Nope.
I love OSS, but so much of it a complete clusterfuck of duct tape and prayers.4 -
!rant
You know, for the first time, I have had issues diagnosing an error (due to not having slept in about 75 hours due to the CEO slamming down on me to finish a project), and I posted on a forum. First time doing that, and they are fucking useless.
I may as well have delved into google and tries to diagnose the error. Done so, but you now what I find? People with the same fucking error, but no fucking resolution.
Stupid issue is a desktop support one, bloody Ubuntu won't install (gives me a shitty error and then loops back to installation post restart of my laptop. More than sure it has something to do with my graphics card).
Laptop decided to crash at the last moment, hence me installing Ubuntu again. Fucking errors, fucking help forums not helping, and fucking tiredness. On the plus side, coffee has kept me going longer than I thought. -
It is incredibly frustrating to work with SDK with no proper documentation and less community support.
I have been struggling with errors and there's no Post online by someone getting a similar layer.
FUCKING HELL SNAPDRAGON NEURAL ENGINE WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE TO BE SUCH A CUNT. WHY ARE YOU THE WAY YOU ARE.
DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE DOCUMENTATION AND EXAMPLE.
I FEEL LIKE CRYING. FROM 1 WEEK IM GETTING NEW FUCKING ERRORS AND RESOLVE THEM, GET ANOTHER UNIQUE ASS FUCKING ERROR.
Kmn. -
Just moved into a new dorm. Good lord what a fucking cold place. Unless I carry every frickin' conversation with these guys, they won't even look at me, let alone you know.. smile and say hi like normal persons.1
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Yesterday's was fucking stupid.
It all begins with a fucking online clothes shop that "cancelled" my order from a week ago because "PayPal detected strange account movements". I logged into my PP Account and no notice or whatsoever of that.
Then they tell me I'll have to wait around for ~30 days to get my money back. Are you fucking damn serious? First you delay my fucking order a week then you cancel it without contacting me to "reassure" I put the order and then you say that I'll have my money back on 30 days? Fuck you.
Thereafter, I was going to buy a new phone, which two weeks ago I already went to request a quotation and they told me I was ready to go with paying 50% off.
Well... fuck me, because I went yesterday and they told me that I couldn't get the phone becase "The system says you already have three lines with our company, and all of those have money due" What? Fucking shit, I went two weeks ago and everything was fine, and now this? I don't even have an account in that stupid company and now they tell me I have three with late payments?
FUCKING HELL!!
As if everything wasn't going bad already, I went off and said I'll come back today to see "if the system has been corrected", so I went to grab a burger at McDonalds that's on my way back home.
I make my order and the cashier is like "Hurr durr.. The card terminal doesn't work, do you have cash? If not, don't worry I can cancel the order and switch to the other station so i can charge you"
ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? I mean, come on dude! If you know that the shitty card terminal doesn't work and the station that it's fully functional it's literally three fucking steps next to you, WHY THE FUCKING FLYING FUCK ARE YOU USING THE WRONG ONE?
Then I wait for my order, that I saw they prepared and was ready like in 5 minutes, but the guy went and stood looking at the void. Then he realizes and begins to pick my food and set it up. He puts it on a tray and stands there, I stand there looking at him.
"My order was to go" I said... then he's like "Oh, yeah" and begins to pack.
Dude... the order is in the fucking screen, I said the cashier that It was to go... jesus.
Then I tell him "Can you put some sweet mustard packages?"
"Yeah" he says... but I looked away. When I arrived home, I opened the bag and... FUCKING HELL, NORMAL MUSTARD.
I told him twice, even said "please" and "thank you", but hell no, he had ONE JOB, and he didn't do it.
Seriously guys, stop this fucking mess, somebody call `kill` -
Bleh, I fucking hate Arduino. I thought this Chad would teach me assembly for PCs, not Arduino. The boards don't fucking work half the time, I don't give a shit about blinking lights or motors, I don't want to do things with robotics, I just want to fucking code. Ffs, I'd rather write code that just makes a number increment and then quits, because then I wouldn't have to use that useless fucking Arduino "IDE".
Fuck you Arduino, fuck you so much.4 -
It amazes me how infectious delusional thinking and in general malfunctioning dysfunctional mindsets are
Where they try to associate one thing with another and make you scared too
Selling a fucking phone ! -
i have a hatred for disgusting filthy non-cookies-with-ketchup-eaters and they disgust me, i hate them so much and they dont appreciate the art that is cookies with ketchup.
it pisses me off so fucking much and i hate it, if someone could just eradicate those people off of the earth, i would appreciate that. i have a hit list for people who hate cookies with ketchup, and if you hate it, believe me, i am watching you.
annnnnnnnnnnd, thats too far..3