!!office drama

I haven't been around much in recent weeks. Due to family illness, christmas shopping, dealing with estranged parents, and brooding over the foregoing, I haven't had a lot of time or energy left to myself.

tl;dr: The CTO ("API Guy") is ostensibly getting fired, and I might be taking over his job. I don't know if I should accept, try to stave this off, or simply flee.

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Anyone who has been following my recent rants knows that API Guy is my boss, and he often writes terrible code. It's solid and unbreakable, but reading it is a *nightmare.* One of our applications is half the length of Leo Tolstoy's War and Peace, and it's difficult to tell what code is live and what amounts to ancient, still-active landmines. This is one application; we have several, most of which I've never even looked at.

Ostensibly the code is so terrible because the company grew extremely quickly, and API Guy needed to cram in lots of unexpected / planned-against features. From what I can see, that seems about right, but I haven't checked timeframes [because that's a lot of work!].

Here's a brief rundown of the situation.
- API Guy co-founded the company with the CEO.
- CEO and API Guy have been friends for a long time.
- CEO belives the company will fail with API Guy as head of tech.
- They could just be testing me; I have zero way of knowing. API Guy seems totally oblivious, and CEO seems sincere, so this feels pretty doubtful.
- CEO likes pushing people around. CEO believes he can push me around. API Guy doesn't budge. (I probably won't, either, except to change task priorities.)
- API Guy's code is huge and awful, but functional.
- API Guy is trying to clean up the mess; CEO doesn't understand (maybe doesn't care).
- Literally nobody else knows how the code works.
- Apart from API Guy and myself, the entire company is extroverted sales people.
- None of these sales people particularly like me.
- Sales people sell and sell and sell without asking development if they can pull enough magic features out of their hat to meet the arbitrary saleslines. (because the answer is usually no)
- If I accept, I would be the sole developer (at first) and responsible for someone else's mountain of nightmarish code, and still responsible for layering on new features at the same pace as he. Pay raise likely, but not guaranteed.
- My getting the position is contingent upon the CEO and the investors, meaning it's by no means guaranteed.
- If I don't accept, likely API Guy will be replaced with someone else of unknown ability, who doesn't know the code, and whom I must answer to regardless. Potentially OK, potentially a monumental disaster.

Honestly, it feels like I'm going to be screwed no matter what course I choose.

Perhaps accepting is slightly better?

The best would be to assume the position of CTO and keep API Guy around -- but that would feel like an insult to him. I doubt he'd be okay with it. But maybe. Who knows? I doubt the CEO would seriously consider that anyway.

I feel like a lamb between a dim, angry rhino, and an oblivious one.

I would build something to go in space. Probably in the energy or propulsion field.

I have zero Knowledge in those, but hey, unlimited time.

I’ve been an angry old man this week. Frustration is a bitch, especially when you can’t really pinpoint the source of it with any resemblance of certainty.

Maybe it’s that having been constantly stressing over the impending graduation and the effort required to get there with too little time and energy to actually achieve it is boiling over.

Maybe it’s the reality of having absolutely zero me time since last March playing fucking ping pong with my head.

Maybe it’s me having trouble getting back to terms with a certain codebase after being assigned to other projects for the last almost 1,5 years and now trying to finish something the ex-lead started before he left.

And most certainly it’s the constant stream of brainless verbal vomit that raises the misanthropy levels through the roof.

Fucking juniors, fucking seniors, fucking Swedes, fucking C-level arseholes, fucking green dots, fucking idiots, fucking ”woke” ass social media influencers, fucking posers - Fuck You All!

Motivation * Time = Result.

But anything times zero is still nothing.
Why do I never have one or the other at the moment?!

5 month old son means I usually don't have any time but we've got him into a routine where he's in bed around 7pm. Yet after that I don't have any motivation or energy to work on projects.

Before December I was super motivated. Not sure what's happened but it's infuriating.

Monday marks the beginning of a new month. In the new month, I turn a year older. As I steer further and further away from "youthfulness", I intend on starting a new chapter in my life.

Sunday 28th Feb is the last day I put any investment towards my "white-collar" professional career. Beginning March 1st, all my energy is going towards my entrepreneurial career instead.

This means that instead of learning that Huawei HCIA networking certification that I hate, I'm going to continue learning Docker (then Kubernetes) which I intend to use on my first product & the many more to come. Instead of studying the horrifyingly boring Data Science course, I'm instead going to put my energy behind understanding GCP & AWS, with the hopes of eventually getting certified.

Basically, I'm going to put all my energy into learning technologies that interest me AND have the potential to help me deliver on my entrepreneurial journey faster & better, rather than studying certifications which everyone believe will make me more employable.

Unfortunately, there aren't that many jobs going around & I'm currently under a year long internship with extremely smart graduates (a valedictorian included). The joke is we're earning $250 a month and have zero hope of getting employed anytime soon. I'm tired of going down this path.

I'm glad I got my degree in CS, now onto creating job opportunities for my fellow peers!

PS: Expect rants about my entrepreneurship challenges, and celebrations about my entrepreneurship wins!

!dev

Zero carbs for a full week, went pretty good. Didn’t feel tired or anything..
UNTIL.. I got out my whiskey today..
It’s pumping me up so hard..
my hard rate must be around 120 or so..

Too much energy..