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I’m back after like one and a half year of inactivity and I have been in hell with this job but I’m absolutely unable to find one tale of hysteria to share.
Ha ha. You thought!
So, as backend developer, I’m naturally, currently working on redoing all our document templates since my boss has this impression I’m particularly good with MS Office. I don’t mind doing it for a couple of files, I have no urgent project or task atm and as we’re a small company everybody helps where it can.
But then my boss told me to change EVERY FUCKING TEMPLATE to the new branding guide.
So I did it. I wrote a monster.
An outrageous VBA Macro that sets automatically new headers, footers, margins, styles and whatever the fuck you want.
I don’t know if I have to be proud or disgusted of myself.
P.s.: missed this place4
Well well well,
I had the habit of ranting about my idiot co-worker that does dumb shit, asks me to correct it and then takes credit.
But sometimes the dumb fuck is me and this is one of my masterpieces of brainfarts!
So I was wondering in which of the Myriad of js files was this function that changed the display attribute on a div.
Dear previous dev,
What the fuck was coming into your mind when you thought it was a good idea to write it in datetime.js???
I think the best choice I always make is « it’s just an update on a small table what could possibly go wrong? »
*forgets where clause and pushes F5 because of the Ctrl+S reflex*
I don’t know what this rant will look like, but hold tight because I’m pissed as fuck.
Why? Well, let’s start with the protagonist, which is me.
ARE YOU A NEW KIND OF IDIOT? 2 DAYS FOR A CABLE.
Let me explain this, I’ve picked up an old HP ProDesk 600G from work, works pretty well, installed 16Gb RAM, 3x 1TB Disks, let’s use it for some lab environment.
Wipe Windows, repartition this mess, install Kubuntu, went all ok, let’s reboot.
Login screen: fine, desktop: nothing. Two folders, command bar works. I try to open Konsole, nothing shows up. I try to go on tty2, nothing, tty3 something shows up.
Ok, maybe I’ve messed up something, let’s update, upgrade , fix missing and blablabla.
Fuck me, nothing works. Let’s go check the logs. Nothing.
What the fuck? Well it’s late let’s go to sleep. Next day I start over, reinstall Kubuntu, same problem.
Debug : nothing.
Then. THEN. I see this fucking cable. The fucking VGA. I was in DVI, what the fuck? Then I realised that I plugged in all sort of cables and plugged DVI AND VGA and DVI was set as second output. I was on FUCKING SECOND SCREEN THE WHOLE TIME. After unplugging naturally everything was normal again.
Fuck you self idiot. Fuck you.
Anyway, I’m also pissed of about my roommate. DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ANYTHING WITHOUT ASKING. Holy fucking shit, if you need to touch something, put your hand into your dirty pants and shake your immaculate dick.
I set up a fucking smart house not to fucking break everything. If a cable is there, leave it there. If I put an access point on a closet, leave it fucking there. Do you think I just want to wavebath to get a fucking tan? NO, I HAVE NI FUCKING COVERING IN MY ROOM.
If there’s a bulb in my lamp DO NOT FUCKING SWIPE IT. I spent 15 Minutes understanding why I couldn’t turn it on with my fucking phone.
FUCK YOU, and your mother that so badly designed your inorganic piece of cells that we call brain3
!dev, crypto related.
Crypto is a fucking cancerous community at the moment, where everyone thinks that he will get rich overnight or just by scratching his balls in front of his pc, full of pseudo traders that shill coins here and there, talk like they were Jesus and X currency was a religion.
People that have no sense of criticism, that invest in thing they don’t understand and all this “coins rivalries“ look more like a fucking competition between brotherhoods in college than sane competition between companies.
That said, people still understand cryptocurrencies as investment assets when they should be user as what they’re called: currencies (some exceptions apply, I.e. ICOs)
Still nobody at this price would use them to buy goods and services because “it should be worth XY” and that just to reconvert them to fiat.
On the top of that, Bitcoin was born to be anti banks, anti governments, anti 3rd party trust and of course this kind of freedom has been already suppressed.
And now the exact reverse concept appears: without government trust people won’t use them because they choose to be “legal” instead of free to do what they want by following a proper ethics (don’t buy drugs kids).
Finally, SEC pushing the decision about ETF has made people scary instead of confident because it’s the same kind of people that want to be rich overnight and didn’t think that pushing the deadline for decision is a good thing as that means that they really want to take in consideration what they’re doing and want to do things the right way. That said it still kills concept of no 3rd party.
At least the dumb money has got out, and well maybe see smart people get in.4
This rant affects me indirectly.
It was our diploma project, me, and DrugKidProgrammer.
He was lazy, late, and all the shit that comes with and used to party hard on weekend.
I told him that while on vacation he’d better fucking manage to get the backend done, or at least ready to debug.
Well, actually it was mixed.
When he came back he gave me the files he worked on (no version control at the time), and nothing was working, 500 errors everywhere. When I opened the files I found out String concaténations using ‘+’ and shit like this.
I spend 1 and a half day correcting this shit.
Fuck you mate.2
The dickhead of this rant is me, and I’m writing on behalf of my coworker.
Stop singing the fucking same song from ABBA again and again, you little nervous cocksucker!
Side-note: in my defence, Super Trooper is really a catchy song :)
Side-note 2 : trooper-per, trooper-per9
@oudalally 50++! Thank you :D Just for few Minutes spent helping :) that’s better than paying my beer (which I didn’t have because my bar was closed :/ )2
My flatmate owes me ~40$ in XVG (2k in average) and he wants to wait that it increases in value to refund me 40$ instead of 2k XVG. So, I was thinking of an evil script that pops a popup every five minutes on his screen with my wallet address and the amount , or blocking internet connection from his laptop via a Mac filter, except bittrex website (where he has funds). What do you suggest?25
Now (since iPhone X) that iPhones can recognise whether you’re watching them or not, it’s a matter of time before YouCrap & Co will pause ads while not watching them.
Think different my ass.12
Now that I have the raven, I don’t care anymore \o/
Side note : just kidding, but waited long time for it10
Fuck that shit once again. Spent an entire day releasing micro-patches because nobody listened to me, because "I am a developer but I don't do that full time".
Because you might think that I didn't fuck my ass with a giant bottle-shaped dildo studying development to get this fucking place maybe?
And what, I was right, once again. Because maybe I know the fucking project I work in, linked to the fucking product I'm certified for, you dumb cumfilled assface.
For those that doesn't know it, i do manage, maintain, develop stuff on our ECM infrastructure for our clients. I do basically everything as we have few clients and are a small company we can do this that way.
Anyway, had to release "urgently" 3 fucking features to a custom module to export stuff from the ECM to a client's ERP system. Tests? No time for this, don't lose time on this. I smell the "why didn't you test?" in two days. I fucking smell it.
Plus, the client is a fucking retarded mess. The kind of guy that is unable to check his previous e-mails and asks again the same thing, four times. Should I do a fucking tutorial on how to fucking use a fucking search bar? And you want to be informed on the technical details about the features? Come on, I have to explain you how to do your fucking CFO job.
And if it wasn't enough, My boss replied to the client while I was on holiday to explicitely tell the client that I'm the only one that can take care of that. That gives us a very professional image, doesn't it? And when I asked to train someone to at least do the administration job when I'm away, it's always a "we'll check that, we need that" but then nothing.
Anyway fuck it. if I resign I will laugh. 2 months to train someone else and get them on the export modules (which are commented and documented) in a company where in the office I'm possibly the only developer (we have one in the second office but he's a web developer).
Hopefully I'm at a bar drinking a fucking beer while continuing my golang "getting started" project. That's the only thing that makes me happy of coming back from holiday
p.s.: I want the fucking raven, make me dream.7
Me : *writes a clean class to write logs into event viewer with different categories, and useful information for debug*
Boss: “I’m not a developer but I think that’s useless, just create a log table on a sql server and put everything there.”
I’m asking myself what keeps me here. What, the holy Christ’s butthole fuck, keeps me fucking glued to this chair.8
End of a week of wonderful vacation with my SO. Time to go back dealing with a stupid company and its stupid clients.
I guess coffee and Whisky are waiting for me
Holy great fuck.
What the fuck is going on? Why? What’s happening?
Why are there plenty of new accounts reposting memes from fb/reddit/whatever all over the place?
Why are you doing this to devRant?
I’m ok with memes, there’s a section for this. But I’m seeing new accounts just signing up and hop, a meme.
I want to read people complaining, insulting dumb clients, sharing their failures and successes.
I want to argue on arguments, complain together with people, against people.
I want to read stories about managers, see exciting collabs born.
I want to see people fight the eternal battles: mac, Linux or pc? CLI or GUI? Vim or Emacs?
That’s the devRant I joined. That’s what I love here. If I wanted to get meme-spammed, I’d go on 9gag.
A fellow devRanter8
Fuck you whoever designed this shitty database!
Why the fuck do you mix up underscores and hyphens? Plus MSSQL is a little fragile boy, he doesn’t like hyphens that much and you have to add brackets fucking everywhere, so FUCK YOU.
Fucking learn to design things or go fuck your fist while sitting on a banana tree, seriously.5
Holy Fuck I love Go language!
As I mentioned in a previous rant I wanted to start a little CLI app to manage my favourite commands and decided to get started with Go, because I haven't learnt a language in a while and I don't know, let's learn cool stuff, you know?
Holy shit, it's painful but so satisfying to learn! I'm googling every line of code I'm writing but idk if it's the feeling of learning new stuff or the language itself, but my dev motivation rised a hella lot :D
Will make the repo public once I'm done, You'll let me know what I can do better then :)18
Long story short : I meet people and do code at Ancienne Gare, my favorite bar. Means "Old Station" and indeed is an old station "refactored" as a bar.
I want to get started hard on a cool project but I’m stuck watching Silicon Valley.
Fuck my laziness9
Hey friendly coworker with the same scripting skills as a paraplegic monkey:
Even the boss told you not to lose time on worktime trying to do spaghetti scripts, not enough?
I don’t mind helping your unpaired couples of neurones , but losing 2 days for a forgotten bracket? When it took me like 10 seconds to notice?
And if it wasn’t enough, telling that I saw it quicker thanks to my IDE?
You’re just a mistakenly fertilised ovum4
Fuck you Starbucks! Do you call your pile of goat piss coffee? Even the fucking espresso is a disgusting laxative, it tastes like bleach and costs twice compared to every fucking bar in town, which make actual espresso.
And, black coffee means no milk. No soy milk either, no coconut milk, fucking anything else.
Thank god I still have my old Moka.11
You blame ME because your cocksucking brain isn’t able to configure YOUR fucking client’s printers correctly, and then you come to me as gentle as a dickless goat to help you out because “something screw up”
Fuck your printers.
Fuck your brain.
Fuck your RDS Server.10