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I’m maintaining a pet spider by my workstation. When flies piss me off I fan them into his web and watch him eat them for the whole day. It’s pretty rad.14
Do you feel it’s reasonable when purchasing something extremely rare and valuable (like $10,000 USD+) to arrange with the seller to purchase but not pay or ship until authenticity can be verified by an authority?
This is something I’ve always wondered about. I feel like if I was selling I’d be ok with it but Most people I’ve done business with get pissed off and irritated if you question the authenticity of what they’re selling you, but with this particular type of item for how rare and valuable it is you could make three brilliant flawless replicas for the price you’re paying so in my mind it’s a pretty fair question.16
So this one time I had to take an online driving school to get my ticket waved from my driving record.
When I signed up for the course they asked a ton of sickeningly personal questions, clearly a shameless grab for personal information. So naturally I lied horribly on every one.
So two weeks later I’m taking the course, and suddenly it jumps to a page where it demands that I regurgitate one of the answers in less than 60 seconds to verify that it’s the same person who signed up taking the course.
FUCK THESE ASSHOLES RIGHT!?
So I’m freaking out, and at the last second I manage to guess it. But I knew it was going to do this for all the questions so I know it’s only the beginning
So for the remaining four hours of torture, I try my best to concentrate on the course when I’m in total fear of being asked a question that I can’t repeat my bullshit answer for. The questions keep coming and I keep managing to guess my bullshit. I was able to get through it at the end of the day
Seriously am mad about that. Not only was it several hours of severe emotional distress with hard financial and legal consequences, they basically held legal action up for ransom to get my personal info, and didn’t even tell me!
FUCK THESE GUYS.
I’m proud to say they didn’t get away with anything new on me though. The buck stops with Frodo swaggins6
Just joined my first video webex without pants. I still feel the same... and yet somehow different.7
Really any time you know you’re getting shafted. I hate the crap that goes on during those recruiter phone calls. I’ve lost count of how many times this line (and other shit of a similar persuasion) has been used on me:
“Oh, we don’t negotiate salary. We’re really forward thinking that way. We put our best offer on the table from the get go”
Well frodoswaggins does not negotiate with terrorists. He is really forward thinking that way. PS your “best” offer sucks ass. NEXT
When you’re hunting for cars online and you filter by transmission to only look at cars with a manual transmission, 3 out of 4 of them have automatics but are listed as manual. People. How fucking hard is this? Do people not know what manual even is any more? Is this hard? I was under the impression that this was not hard.8
I really hate these click bait articles:
“This stupid jackoff predicted either some stock portfolio picks to perform well or for some shit to happen in 2020. Here’s what they predicted will happen next”
Do people really not see how this math works? Let me spell it out for you:
News flash: I wrote a program that generates random sentences of predictions. I ran it for a week and filled up an entire data center of storage. Out of those 10 quadrillion predictions, 15 of them have been right so far, and out of those 15, 6 have political implications that I can get paid for to release. So let’s release those. Hey, they are right (so far)! You can’t argue with me!
Listen to my words. There are a bunch of stupid asshole “researchers” out there who “made predictions.” The math suggests that just given how many “researchers” with a hunch out there that some number of them will be right so far. That has no bearing on whether what they predicted will happen next is true or not. Let’s ignore the fact that these gorrilla fuckers sit around making up predictions non stop, and let’s ignore the fact that “researchers” includes conspiracy theory Chris from down the street who knows that the government planned 9/11 and round earth is political wizardry to keep democrats in power and take away our guns, and also PhD Peter and his theory of how we can beat COVID by making fun of red necks who have opinions and legalizing crack and meth.
I have a prediction: first the world is infected by COVID, then there’s a race war, and then all these blow hards that make stupid ass predictions and use previous lucky guesses to assert credibility all jump in a lake and drown themselves.
Math and big data aren’t there to help you come up with better lies.10
You’ve all heard my story, and this has happened a few times so here’s the short version:
We have customers who are difficult. Like very difficult. And they don’t understand how much work the things they ask for take. So I’ve rewritten massive functional areas in roughly a month.
The three times this happened my total branch diff was between 900kb and 2mb. To put that in perspective, that’s 7 floppy disks (the real ones). I was in the office from 5:30a until 11pm every day for the entire duration including weekends for like 4-6 weeks each time and always managed to get the tests to run at the last minute. I was sleeping on my bosses office floor for several nights a week. Its like blowing up the Death Star. Pretty awesome feeling.
The restaurants around learned my routine and would have my lunch and dinner ready when I walked in every night so that was pretty awesome too. Yes I was promoted for this.8
Jokes on you all. I’m such a mountain troll nitwit I am not able to figure out how to do 21st century shit like screen share or GUIs yet. I’m the only engineer on my team that doesn’t know how to start a webex meeting, struggles regularly with web frontends for git, and cannot figure out how to get a fucking clang command out of Xcode to save my life. and that’s fine with me. No sir, these problems are for other people :) I prefer to think of it as being proficient in other tools rather than degenerate in the pretty looking ones5
I just got yelled at by our fed ex delivery guy. I took 15 seconds to open the door and sign when they rang. They were mad because “I knew I had a package coming so what took me so long”
For reference I have a severe spinal injury and was icing my back and eating lunch. I got up as fast as my body would allow and practically sprinted for the door. Could not have been faster.
Best of all the package was for my neighbor (we share an address so I have to sign for all their mail usually). So no, I didn’t know it was coming. And In any case we’re talking about 15 seconds and what do you want me to do, sit by the door and have a conversation with the wall for your three hour window?
Just one of the many reasons I resent the last 20 years of technological progress. I’m just totally perplexed18
PSA if I go to your website and it tells me I need to sign in to see the content, I’m leaving. I dont care if it’s “free.” If It were all the same to you you’d let me see the fucking content without an account.
Your business sucks and probably has no compelling reason to exist. Bye bye! See you on the brown rank side of the toilet paper in my hand asshole~2
When every time you read a PR you want to rip your eyes out. Most software is terribly written and just doesn’t need to be. If you don’t see the problem you’re still a part of it.
Yes, part of having “made it” as a software engineer is being sad on a daily basis. Just a fact of life. Getting to say “yup, awesome software bug. So that’s gotten a million people’s identities stolen”4
So now on some websites if you click that do not sell my data cookie link, they send you to a page that asks for your name, email, state of residence, etc. before they “agree” to “not sell your data”
Is this a fucking joke?
When people make laws, why don’t they just outright ban collecting data rather than just allowing people to build human herding websites that trick people into giving more info when users try to opt out.8
I’m absolutely and positively speechless
I’d go on a long rant about how this is insane, if it goes through the order will probably have the reverse effect as intended, and will absolutely strangle business growth and beat down the little guy, but I’ll save it because you all probably understand that already.
Normal douchebags don’t seem to understand cause and effect as it applies to technology and the internet, and yet they write the doctrines by which we govern our livelihood. Pretty dumb.
I resent when I have to rebase my branch for a really complex and difficult new feature and someone rammed through a change that swiss cheeses something you are working on, and suddenly you find yourself dropping their change and redoing it from scratch because it is so awful to maintain. Have some respect, don’t just hack apart well written code to make it to tomorrow.1
What is the web developer job market like in the United States right now? I am not a web developer and therefore have no idea but I’m trying to help out a colleague who is hunting for work. Where should they be looking for jobs? Are there a lot of jobs? What are the values skills? What does the future look like? What are the turn offs that you hit with potential candidates?6
Is it just me or does it seem like you’d be completely insane to use a domain broker? Like here’s some guy you don’t know and you’re telling him that you want a domain and are willing to pay a lot of money for it. So who the fuck wouldn’t get a good deal from the current owner and then sell it to you for what you are willing to pay?7
I don’t know if I’d call this procrastinating, but I remember finishing 12-15 weeks worth of work in approximately 30 days. The thing is, I was given the assignment 30 days before it was due. So it looked and felt like procrastination but it was more like turn and burn baby.
I was in te office for 15-16 hours a day including weekends for the entire month. Got to the point where the waitresses at the local ramen joints would have my order ready to go when I walked in for dinner every night
Wasn’t the first time and won’t be the last, but luckily it isn’t like this 365 days a year.
I forgot to mention, I did accomplish the mission, mere hours before it was due. It felt like getting a rocket into the Death Star’s exhaust port with your targeting computer turned off. The final branch that I developed was 4 MB, roughly 125,000 lines of code, many of which were modifications to existing stuff and not new from the ground up. It took three months for people to review it and merge it to mainline but luckily our customers were happy to build from source and deal with it.8
The fact that security isn’t even considered any more when people write software.
Basically nothing popular that you use follows good encryption practices. There is more work going into defeating encryption than making sure it is bullet proof.7
So I think I must be stupid, but can somebody less stupider than me explain the economics of “American oil crashes below $0 a barrel” to me like I’m five please?
My mental model of this is that it should asymptotically approach zero, negative implies they will pay me to get a barrel of crude25
Writing software is fun but:
-most of it doesn’t work
-most engineers are dumb and lazy
-nobody tests anything no matter how many lives are at stake
-people will actually fight you to try to make you test less or not at all if you try to test anything
-if your stuff doesn’t work people will ask if you tested it
-if other people write tests their tests will be wrong or trigger undefined behavior
-decisions are made from the top down and are not based on technical merit
-your salary will be linearly proportional to your age rather than talent
-if you want to make the big bucks you will have to work for a company with no morals
-that said most software companies do not have morals and all have played their part in the proliferation of surveillance terrorism
-if undefined in behavior in peoples code causes bugs they will invariably claim they have found a compiler bug in a language they are not qualified to author in
-almost nobody bothers to understand how their system works even one layer beneath the one they work at
-nobody cares if they are being taken advantage of as long as they can’t see it happening
-everyone in the world that sells software will switch to a subscription model by 2100 to squeeze every last drop of cash out of the working class
-if you work on machine learning or data science you will be directly responsible decades of racial profiling and revoked freedoms to come, likely never to vanish
-you are signing up for 30 years of people over simplifying complex problems and over complicating very simple problems, assuming you can make it that long and don’t crack and end up in an institution
-the entire industry thinks tech is the answer when most of the time it is the problem.
-most software ever written triggers undefined behavior and we made it this far because processors were simple enough that their IMPLEMENTATION of the architecture did the expected thing (or something close enough). That is now falling apart at the seams as we try to do anything less obvious with our architectural models and most people are not smart enough to do the right thing in these architectures.
-you will be smart and solve hard problems and yet webex and email will hold you back. Problems that have been solved since 1979 or earlier.
-Office politics will also hold you back and give you grey hair
-people you work with will not be rational and will act on jealousy or out of an inferiority complex to block your progress, no logical reason whatsoever.
-people will want to change tools and environments “just because” and if you don’t validate their baseless decision they will refuse to grant evidence as to why that’s necessary or even beneficial and will most likely never speak to you again.
-customers are politics and politics is everything
-exceptions aren’t made for exceptional people or circumstances
After 30-40 years of this you will have no doubt accomplished great things, none of them will any longer be in production, and they will have advanced the surveillance terrorism envelope. Congratulations.36
Devrant app really does crash a lot on iOS now. Never used to be the case. I wonder if those iOS 13 “stability” improvements are the cause17
The many purveyors and developers of surveillance capitalism have inspired me to start wearing a ski mask 100% of the time at home, at work, and on the town.
This is a great idea, change my mind.9
We were once in an all hands (200+ people) and our over-seas folks had to call in. It was like 10pm there. One guy (who was on our team) was in bed with minimal clothing on, laying sideways in the come hither position on his bed. I think you see where this was going.
He accidentally had the camera on and briefly was on the projector in front of the entire meeting room, mostly naked. He saw what was going on, a look of terror came over his face and I never saw someone move so fast as he jumped off the screen and turned the camera off. There was a lot of shushed giggling.
Washboard abs though so it wasn’t like it was a total embarrassment. I was impressed frankly. Probably one of the best days in my professional career. We still love him very much of course, awesome team member!
The lesson here should be obvious. Even when you’re working from home, put your damn pants on for your meetings. You know just as well as the person standing next to you that every single GUI made in the last 15 years was designed to be as hard to use as humanly possible and as long as there is a chance that it’s going to show your bare ass to your company it will happen unless you got them pants on.8
Don’t become a software engineer. Also, most software engineers can’t write software. Also, software is going to kill all of us.16
I’d totally become a duck.
Ducks probably don’t have to worry about WiFi firmware bugs bringing down the fabric of society.
Unless you try to explain it to them of course.5
Mx blue and buckling spring.
My topre switches at work are godly but here you got to take advantage of the freedom to roar.4
Gets severe vertigo when laying down starting yesterday. Most likely because I worked 110 hours last week.
Brain: “coronavirus, panic”
Not even a hypochondriac but even I’m a little on edge because of the plague.17