AboutMile Wide/Inch Deep in most places...deeper in others. I've been a sysadmin (Windows, Linux, firewalls and mail servers) and a developer (Ruby, Java, bash, SQL) Prefer the pronoun: asshat. Um, I mean asset
SkillsBash, Java, Ruby, SQL, a little bit of php, and some Delphi, python, and enough Perl to cast before swine
Joined devRant on 3/26/2019
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Dating myself here...
I learned to write BASIC on a VIC-20 and then a C-64 by typing in code from Compute's Gazette magazine and trying to figure out what I fat fingered.
Later, I got a copy of the game "Monopoly" for the C64 which it turns out was written in BASIC and I learned how to modify the code, add joystick controls so I could play away from the keyboard and add new features.
Boy, did Apple make a naming mistake with Big Sur
I've started calling it "BS" and so have some of my colleagues.1
What is the most overused term at your company?
Here's mine: Standardize
We've not defined said standards so "standardize" means, "Please make X as close to the running Y as you can. We're calling that the 'standard' for the moment"14
A process created and owned by a given developer will fail on the first day that developer is on holiday
Me 8:31 AM
Good morning! Do you perhaps have a moment to discuss <this task>?
Coworker: 8:38 AM
Sure! Would 9:30 work?
Me: 8:38 AM
I'm usually working at 9:30 so I see no reason why it shouldn't, too
Does anyone else have this type of Slack/Chat/IM conversations with their boss?
Boss: "Is this possible?"
Me: "I think so let me know if you want me to research it further"
6 hours later
Me: "Ok, research it or OK, thanks don't do anything?"
Me: Bangs head against desk8
TFW you realize you aren't working with idiots but are the idiot
Yeah, happened twice today before lunch.
It's not a good day.4
When someone asks a group question on Slack along the lines of "Did anyone...?" I sometimes respond with
meaning, NOT me. But, then I realized old admins like myself sometimes call a ! a "bang" so
becomes "bang me"
which could get me into trouble with HR5
Idea for a new pageant: Women who work in IT compete in challenges to show off their skills and the winner is crowned "Miss Information"7
I didn't choose my specialty.
And I still haven't.
I'm a bit of an odd bird in that I'm a generalist in a world of specialists.
How did I get my current specialty? I went where the job told me to go.2
Not from a coding job: "Optional" after work social gatherings which I declined to attend. My boss told me I had to attend them. I said, "That means they aren't optional." He said, "They are optional insofar as I don't have to attend them but you do."
Satisfaction: I quit while he was on vacation and gave only 1 week notice
From coding job (and this has happened several times):
"We value your input! What do you think of ..."
And then NEVER listening. NEVER giving feedback as to why my ideas aren't useful/helpful. But continually asking for input.
Yeah, go fuck yourself.1
Well, we bugged out of our offices in March 2020 and the company decided we aren't going back. From now on, we are all virtual.
So, I guess I'd like to convince my coworkers that the company changed its mind. Just to see what happens.1
Anyone else log on to their computer in the morning, try using a company login and think, "Well, I didn't get fired."?
No? Just me?11
How I find out my boss added a new server to our environment:
I start getting email alerts for processes failing because they haven't been set up yet
Give me good requirements and a solid deadline.
Vague requirements and an open-ended deadline is a real good way to guarantee I will drag my feet.2
Was told by manager: "Ok, that's not the standard we're using. Just curious why you changed it."
I said, "This is the way I've been doing it for 3 years. I'll be glad to modify it to match the standard if you can point me to an example."
He said, "Don't worry about it. Leave it as it is."
What I thought: "Ok, if that's the case...why even mention it?"9
There are 3 types of coders on Codingame:
1. Those who want to learn and to teach others. They write solid code with either comments or non-obfuscated code so it can be read and understood by others.
2. The engineers who believe in not only building a better mousetrap but it should be a smart mousetrap and integrate machine learning so it can one day out-think the mouse when all that was needed was "Hello, world"
3. Code golfers showing off their...putters
Of course, one of any of these types in any given language may be a totally different type in a another language.4
I don't have _a_ most worthless meeting. I have a template. We have meetings like this frequently:
"Customer wants x, y and z done"
"Ok, do we have a data spec for x?"
"Do we know what the output for y will be?"
"No, still in development"
"We can't really do z yet until we know more about x and y"
"Next week. Or sooner. Maybe later. We don't know yet"
At this point I usually think: And we're meeting now...why?
How to piss off a server admin:
"<This> isn't working. Did something change?"
"Do you have an error message"?
"No, it just isn't working"
I hear this as: "Shit's broke. What did you do?"
Usually, it's PICNIC, PEBCAK, LNK or ID10T
But without at least an error message I refuse to go on a wild duck hunt. What changed on your end? Your IP address? Got a new workstation? Forgot your password or fat-fingered it?
IT users think a CPU is a crystal ball6
My boss is always telling me "perfect is the enemy of good" and I want to be perfect at coding so I may never get good.6
Advice I've give to junior devs:
1. Make it work, then make it work better
2. There is always time for neatness. At some point someone else, maybe even a future version of yourself, will have to read it
3. Limit the cut-and-paste approach. You won't learn as much as if you have to write the code yourself
4. Beating your head against a problem has a time-diminished value. Ask someone before you give yourself a headache.4