AboutI'm a human person, I like doing human things such as consuming flesh of quadrupedal creatures after laying it on a metal grid atop a flame and drinking fermented sugar made in a place called Tennessee by a certain person by the name of "Jim".
LocationChilling in your closet
Joined devRant on 11/11/2019
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1. a client asks you to create an API for their system
2. you do what's requested
3. a year later you are curious how's that API doing. Client's devs decided to
sure, why not, right.....?9
I couldn't find a devRant IRC channel so I created one.
Feel free to join: irc.oftc.net #devrant
It should be only me for now but I hope that will change soon :D
P.S. : FUCK ANYONE USING GLOBALS WITH THREE FUCKING LETTERS AAAAAAAAAARGH13
The first batch of trainees calls me "Senpai" and it was passed down to "generations" of trainees, now three batches. Some of them eventually became team leaders and mentors themselves. Every time someone new arrives, they introduce me as that. Even years after I stopped working with them and joined a different company, they still call me that. It's almost like I don't have a name or calling me by name is disrespectful. Maybe they've just forgotten about my actual name after some time.16
Today I was asked to make a quality control checker for work, I gave it the quick name "fuckler", next thing I know I've got a whole greeting banner with the name (pictured)
[Manager comes up behind my workstation and sees it over my shoulder]
M: "What does it do?"
[Before I can say anything all the guys around me celebrate how it automates the whole QC]
The manager's whole face lights up and everyones smiling at me
No one's even asked me to change the name, I'm genuinely excited to go in tomorrow. I fucking love this.29
My job is so f**king unbelievable.
I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:
First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless.
The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on make-up.
She is extremely self-centred and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself.
She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.
The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet.
Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10.
I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts.
I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat.
But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead.
In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work.
He probably hasn't been sober any time in the last ten years, and he's only 22.
He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big f**king dog to work.
Every f**king day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke.
Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing.
Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald's and Burger King, every single f**king day.
Anyway, I drive these dicks around in my van and we solve mysteries and s**t.50
Got call from extremely angry customer, our product is shit and doesn't work. At all. Important customer so I went to visit.
He had the perfect setup, our product to the left, our competitor's to the right.
He connected the Ethernet cable to their product, it worked. He plugged it out and connected to ours... Nothing. Shit.
I started to debug on the premises, took logs, everything. It seemed like our product didn't receive any data at all. What the fuck? Tried everything, debugged low level, still nothing. Sweating as hell.
After two hours I got a strange feeling. So I swapped place, our product to the right, competitor's to the left. Now OUR product worked, competitor's zilch.
THE FUCKING ETHERNET CABLE HAD A GLITCH. IF YOU BENT IT TO THE RIGHT IT WORKED, IF YOU BENT IT TO THE LEFT IT WAS BROKEN.
I had never seen a customer be this embarrassed in my life. He apologized to me, my boss, his boss, the Queen, everyone.
We got the contract.19
As a fellow devRant user, what is it you primarily look for in this app ?
0. Some place to rant
1. Dev jokes/memes
2. Observer. devNews.
4. Here because you don't like being in the presence of people but want to socialise anyway.
5. Finding your partner in life.31