"We need to do operation X about 50 times a second constantly."

X is a database heavy NP-hard problem with an input size of a few million.

And this new thing has to run on the same already stretched hardware that everything else is on.

I spent so long making python notebooks showing graphs why it wouldn't work, eventually someone built the naive exhaustive search anyway to prove it was slow. They pushed that out to production without testing it under any real load. Needless to say clients were annoyed.

20 minutes on a support call with a client trying to tell them how to quit vi. Lesson learned: charge for support by the hour, especially when you aren't allowed to touch the machine your system is installed on.

Why every time I come up with a nice idea for an electrical engineering project it turns out to be far more complex than I could imagine and impossible with my skill level. I have done hours of research and feel like I may as well not bother.

If you want me to implement something using your api, it would be nice if your api worked.

You want to know why I haven't made any progress on my ticket? Well I've spent all day fixing code other people have wrote and somehow got merged in without even running it. I haven't done anything on my code because the project is in a broken state and won't even start. Oh what's that? Nothing is going to change and we are going to continue to work like this because people are used to this way of working? Great, here is my notice.

Support for Websphere applications.

There are rumours at work that we have to make integrations with SAP soon. I might quit now to save myself from nightmares.

I'm sick of all these offices with plywood furniture

I don't care how magic your framework is or how good your "developer experience story" is, if I can't attach a debugger to my own code then I can only assume that the problem is your shitty code.

The whole dev team moved onto the floor of a deserted office. Close to a deadline with a manager that wouldn't stop interrupting us, so we all hid in a place where we could get work done for a few hours.

I had a great idea for a project, few hours later I wrote it in 5 lines of bash.

The stdlib does stuff that the compiler rejects in user code.

I actually like this most of the time, it stops people trying to be clever and fucking everything up.

Heads will roll if I see another person installing nvm inside a container

After months of the entire dev team telling management that the database we were forced to use was complete garbage, a few of us took some time to port the application to postgres. Several gigabytes less ram used, disk space shrunk from 80GB to around 2GB, and requests that used to take minutes now take less than a second.

That PoC wasn't deployed but the satisfying part was the change of policy, any future applications didn't have to use that crappy database. Smugness levels in the office never got higher.

I really can't stand web dev anymore; the constant shift from anti pattern to anti pattern, no one learning anything, applications that could just be a thin layer on top of a database ballooning to massive spaghetti because people are too entrenched in their framework, everything basically having the same architecture but no structure. I wish I could transition to something that wasn't database+api+web frontend but that is all anyone around here is hiring for.

I worked at a software house that made web based applications. Management in secret spent a lot of money outsourcing their new website. The outsourced company made basically what could have been a static website but with their own massive proprietary cms behind it for no reason. It ran really slowly and used no technology we used in house. Needless to say I was so annoyed when I saw it.

Part of the idea they had for this thing was to attract new developers to work there, the disconnect between management and reality was so big you could nearly fit their incompetence in it.

I create a neat search UI to replace the old pile of drop downs. Product owner blocks it because "our users do not like change."

Six months later, a business analyst raises a feature request to have pretty much the same feature that was binned.

There is zero reason why you should roll your own auth. Your app is not special.

Whoever has the audacity to push a commit with the message "WIP" should be made to fix every single merge conflict.

If I had my way I would have the remote not only reject the push but revoke write access for that user so they have to come to me and explain why they thought it was acceptable and beg for forgiveness.