AboutGlorified shit-shoveler shoveling shit shat by shitheads years ago.
Skillspython, javashitscript, nodeshitjs, reactshitjs
Joined devRant on 3/28/2018
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You are tasked with living without tech in any shape or form (Lets say, for 2 weeks).
How you approaching it?33
My 1000 job applications tiktok journey may come to an end soon
Had 2, now I cant believe i have 3 (or 4) interviews from 3-4 different companies scheduled day after day, or hour after hour depending on schedule i choose. All of them are very interested in hiring me. For 7 months i couldnt find a job and almost no one wanted to interview. Ever since i went to the Church for Easter to pray, all of a sudden 4 new doors opened to me 1 week later, all in 1 week...18
...i earned $1000 and i feel luxurious as if i can buy the whole world... And in fact with this much money (worth over 100,000 in my currency) i can buy a Lot of stuff....i cant believe i sank so low in life where 1000$ for me is a luxurious amount of money..... I earned it and im still depressed because i just realized i had been fighting over these interviews and getting rejected for just 500-600$ a month minimum wage... And now when i earned twice as much i realized even twice of that isn't anything special... I need a 5-6 figure salary to feel happy and not depressed. Im not asking for millions. I need a liveable life and not a survival slave life...
The saddest part is: i earned more than x2 of minimum wage by being unemployed and developing a side business than i have earned working a 9-5 job8
My dad got a new phone over the weekend and asked me to help him set it up (TL;DR his IPhone broke, he likely cussed out someone on the phone and now he's on android).
Setting up his bank app, I asked for his password (I somehow knew asking a 80+ year old man password questions wouldn't end well)
<pulls a card out of his wallet>
Dad: "Here you go."
Me: "This is your business card?"
Dad: "Yep. Password is at the bottom. That way I never forget it."
Me: "Jeez dad, you shouldn't have your bank's password on a business card. You don't give these out to people, do you?"
Dad: "Sometimes. Hell, they won't know what that is. Its just a bunch of nonsense."
Luckily the password didn't work. He had to reset it when his IPhone messed up and didn't remember what he changed the password to.3
BOSCH replied to my job application for java backend engineer
"Thank you for your interest in Robert Bosch d.o.o.."
"We have reviewed your application..."
"...and have decided..."
"...to move forward with..."
YESSS I CANT BELIEVE I GOT A JOB AT BOSCH
Kids i learned a valuable lesson today!
Regardless how tired, don't forget wether you are about to put your contact lenses on of off.
Hours spent figuring how a select (dropdown) was created plus the whole flow of an app.
Me: "They won't be so stupid to get the whole html via ajax"
Me: *facepalms" they did
Me: Discovers the ajax call is handle via a giant switch statement
Me: All html is handled in memory
Me: Discovers the now Director of Development did it
Me: *Dev Rants*
You: Check my previous rant and confirm it8
GOT NEARLY FIRED, BECAUSE PROJECT HAD A KPI OF LOC. AND MINE WAS NEGATIVE!! MFSSSSSS I AM THE ONLY ONE REMOVING UNNECESSARY CODE, REDUCING DUPLICATES, REFACTORING AND OPTIMIZING.19
Just had another developer tell the team that the requirements “contradicted” his implementation. I think, if you’ll let me check my fuckstick-to-English dictionary… yeah, that just means “I did it wrong and I don’t feel like fixing it.”4
I just landed a contract. 8000 EUR a month raw, not to shabby. Apparently they gather once a week in a co-working, but according to the recruiter they would be flexible about me having to go. Now next step is saving money so I could buy an electric van, then a piece of field and build a tiny house. Not getting any younger10
Dev: The requirement is not clear. This seems to be a general usecase which you are thinking we might need but we won't actually need it.
Manager: You have to do it. This is the requirement. No other option. Don't ask any questions.
...... One week later....
Manager: Why is the team not open to me?1
8.5 hours spent trying to figure out a race condition ultimately caused by this line.
There really are no words.12
Intern: "Hey Awlex, this function I'm using doesn't work. Can you help me?"
Me: "This function doesn't do what you are expecting. Did you even look at the docs for this function?"
Me: "... then start with that"11
Devs: We fixed a bug, so watch out for some changes.
Management: The new values are too bad, you need to change it back.
Devs: But ... it was a bug?
Management: Rollback ... now!
I swear, the moment shareholders are involved, management is just about who has the best lie.1
I say thank you to any AI/Voice assistance service I use.
Just so if/when the machines take over humanity, the AI overlords will spare me.6
Cheers y'all!! Hope your weekend was good and tomorrow you crank out awesome code, so the CEO can finally buy a yacht.20
TL:DR: I'm terminally addicted to Tea.
I have been drinking tea twice every day since 6th grade. I'm almost 30 years old now.
One day I decided to quit tea altogether. And at 6 PM that same day, I started to lose color from my eyes. The whole world turned black and white.
At about 7:30 PM, severe depression kicked in and I started questioning why the hell I wanna keep on living and not end it all.
At that point I ran to the kitchen and made tea and drank it. 2 mins after that I started to see colors again and the depression went away.
It's kind of funny now that I look back at it.21
Testing demands a “bug” fixed. It isn’t a bug. It is a limit where as the amount of records updated in a single request overloads the RAM on the pod overloads and the request fails. I say, “That isn’t a bug, it fits within the engineering spec, is known and accepted by the PO, and the service sending requests never has a case for that scale. We can make an improvement ticket and let the PO prioritize the work.
Testing says, “IF IT BREAKS IT BUG. END STORY”
Your hubcaps stay on your car at 100km/h? Have you tried them at 500km/h? Did something else fail before you got to 500km/h? Operating specs are not bugs.16
Dev: I'm going to a engineering and robotics seminar this weekend
Manager: Stupid. Waste of time.
Dev: I also got invited to go to a 2 day tech and innovation conference
Manager: Another a stupid waste of time.
Dev: The CEO's son invited me and is paying for it, he said he thought it would be interesting to me.
Manager: ...Well as long as it's not on company time
Dev: It is on company time, I won't have time for tickets
Manager: WHAT!? YOU HAVE TO SAY NO, WE ARE BUSY!! WE CAN'T NOT HAVE YOU FOR 2 DAYS.
Dev: Duely noted you said that and you think the whole idea is stupid. Take it up with him I already RSVP'd yes.
Trying to explain functions to my coworker and why they should be used even if powershell scrips don't 'need' functions
I've explained it 5 different ways across multiple meetings when they've gotten stuck on something.
At this point I've decided 1. I don't have the patience or brains to be a teacher..., 2. I'm going to have to review every script they ever fucking write, 3. I'm never letting them work on anything critical or time sensitive for big clients. (Small clients ehhh) I'll fight my boss to avoid that headache lol9
Conversation I just heard
Manager: How's everyone doing?
Dev: I'm actually really tired. I've been having trouble concentrating and reading. I think I need a vacation.
Manager: Oh but that's good. You see, the brain is like a muscle. Today you lift 30kg, tomorrow you lift 40kg. So you will be able to handle more and more stress as you progress. That's great.
Can someone explain why the IT dept thinks that sending form mail from their website via smtp connection using a specific email account credentials (iffice365) for their domain and the ip address of the website included in the domain spf should be classed as an important security issue and we should find an alternative method of sending the form mail?3
Hey Root, we have a high priority ticket for you! It's adding some columns to a report. Should be simple. Details are in the ticket.
First: reports are some of the most boring, drool-inducing drudgery i have ever worked on.
Second: Specs for these reports are a nightmare since everything is ... very indirectly tested, and the specs are everywhere but where you'd expect them to be, so it's a lot of spelunking and trial/error. It's also slow as beans.
Anyway. The ticket's details are in ... not the worst engrish i've ever seen, but it's bad enough that i have no idea what they're asking despite (thus far) five attempts at deciphering it. There's also a numbered list of "fields" to add, so you'd think it would be straightforward. It is not. Half the list is crossed out, and half of the remaining items are feature requests (in yet more engrish), not columns to add. Also, one of the actual fields is impossible as the data it's asking for is not recorded anywhere.
I cringe every time I see this person's name as the reporter because it's always the same. and honestly, there are more of these engrish people every month, and believe me: it isn't just a language barrier...4