AboutSecretly Johnny Sins.
SkillsI'm an all-around guy, I can do everything but my specialties are anal, fisting, anal fisting, double-dicking (don't ask me how), double anal fisting, and reverse gangbangs.
Joined devRant on 10/19/2018
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It would be a fun activity if we asked people to read their own emails a year after they wrote it. If they can't decode what the fuck they meant, they get shot in the neck. Better yet, for every minute they fail to explain what they meant, their seats drop a little lower into a vat of acid.15
In my previous company's building. If I still don't get my clearance now, I'm gonna burn this place down.18
*tries to be nice*
We have a new intern with a weird accent I never heard of before. Anyway, her words have a lot of "curls" in it, if you know what I mean. She apologized for her English and admitted she's having a hard time pronouncing certain words.
She sent me an email of the requirements and I thought I'd do something nice, once in a blue moon, and respond because she's new and also kinda hot. I replied to her email "Thank, <name>"
Yes. "Thank". I did not mean that. Now it looks like I'm mocking her.9
A very sad story. I ran into my ex again and it brought up a lot of pain for the both of us. 😢
Me: "Hi. How are you?"
Java: "I'm good, you? What are you doing here?"
Me: "I'm good too. I work here and uhm.. boss said I have to work with you."
Java: *giggles nervously*
Me: "So.. you're looking good."
Java: "Yeah. I guess I'm still relevant." (sulky)
Me: "Hey, hey, of course you are. I left because I just didn't think you were the right fit for me and I didn't want to lead you on."
Java: "Yeah.. so let's work together." *smiles shyly*
The longer I looked at her, the more I thought "Why did I leave her in the first place?" She looked so smooth and tidy unlike.. no, no, I shouldn't think that about Python. I chose her for a reason. I chose her because I know we have a future together. Whatever problem we're having, it will pass, no amount of developers with sadistic indentations is gonna change that. I must stay loyal and remember why I moved on in the first place.
Java: "So what are you doing now?"
Me: "I'm making a copy of you."
Java: "What kind of copy? What do you mean?"
Me: "Well, my boss asked me to convert you into a Python library."
Java: "What?! So you came here after all these months just to hurt me? Salt to the wound, eh? Leaving me and replacing with that bitch just wasn't enough. You have to come around here again and slap the fact into my face!"
Me: "No. No. I can explain. I didn't want to do this. I tried to let you go and if given the chance, I would never want to disturb you again."
Java: "No!" *makes hentai noises and walks away*
Me: *cries uncontrollaby on my desk*
Janitor: *walks in* "Nani?"
If you have a soul and want it crushed or simply want to give your anxiety a little boost, try scanning petabytes of data with multiple regular expressions.
Gone are the days when you're trained not to leave database queries running. Welcome to "just leave it overnight and let's check if we can make code changes tomorrow if it doesn't finish".
I ranted so many times how this makes me feel despite it being "normal". The difficult part is working on several tasks while waiting for others to finish and when the others are finished, you've already forgotten what the fuck it was about.
Maybe I should pack my bags and live inside the office but that also wouldn't make any difference. Better start bullet journaling again and taking down notes/essays hardcore.
Me: *reads own notes*
Me: "What? What are you saying? Why?"
Me: *reads code all over again*
Just venting. Frustration.10
Oh god, I love this country and its radio stations. I'm on the way home and the driver is listening to this radio show where people come to report harassments and other legal issues. The conversation goes like this (translated to English, of course):
Woman: *sniffles* "Didn't you say I was sucking someone's dick while I was on video call with you? You even said the guy was cursing because it felt so good."
Man: *making gibberish excuses, whatever*
Host: "Sir, I don't believe you. How can she be giving you a blowjob while talking on a video call with you?"
Man: "I can show you the video."
Host: "No, I wouldn't tolerate that here."
Woman: *starts crying hard* "I told you I will report you and you didn't believe me. You said I can't do it and you kept threatening me. You even said I felt so good getting fucked in the ass."
Words like ass, dick, and fuck sound a lot more disgusting and animalistic in my native language. I'm surprised they weren't beeped out. By this point, I already paused the podcast I was listening to while maintaining a poker face so no one knows I'm listening to it and the driver wouldn't talk to me and exchange jokes over it.
This is a form of justice here, by the way. Most of the time, the guests are unpaid employees humiliating their previous employers and settling the issue on broadcast. There are some cases on threats and harassments like this since most of the people here still think they can harass you with words and not get into trouble for it.
Let's say there's a hospital that still does things manually and fully dependent on cabinets of papers for patient information, etc. and it takes two hours or more to meet a doctor for consulation, how much money do you need to upgrade that to a better system including buying the computers for the staffs who need access for the records?
Maybe people who live in poor countries can relate more to this. I can imagine that in some countries, it's hard to come by any establishment like this.
- The hospital is pretty big if you would include the nurses but the staffs who access and search for the records, based on my observation, must be around 20 at most.
- There's paid and free option. The paid consultation has fewer people in line but can still take two hours before talking to a doctor. The free option is absolute hell and I cannot imagine the severely mentally ill getting in line in the morning with hundreds of people in a room without airconditioning on hot day only to be talked to for a few minutes later in the afternoon.
- Airconditioning should be added as well.
- They sell government-subsidized medicine. I don't want to blame random people anymore but if someone were to propose something like this, donate the money, and implement the upgrade, do you think some shithead's gonna get in the way? It sounds ridiculous but who knows, ridiculous things happen.
What is your opinion on this? Have you encountered anything like this or someone who's done something similar?
I used an ATM to withdraw some money, the transaction timed out and didn't dispense the cash. I reported it to the bank. They said it will take 7 days but I'll follow up with them everyday.
I ran out of antidepressants and now I'm too broke to buy some. The only hospital that sells it is the mental hospital and they don't accept cards. The only way I can still manage to go to work and eat this week is through a credit card. It really sucks because I didn't want to use that shit anymore.
As for my savings, I burned all that when I was unemployed for several months due to depression. I know once I get my paycheck or when the bank gives my money back (whichever comes first), this will all be fixed but these stupid incidents make me feel like a helpless loser. Shit seems to happen a lot and disaster never ends. It's not this specific incident but all other incidents of life fucking me over and things suddenly going wrong that reminds me of the time when we were wealthy and one night, our house burned down and that was it.
I wonder if my life is always gonna be like this. I know that's a crazy thought but I'm getting more and more convinced every day that it will always be nuisances, chaos, and pain.42
I fucking hate dishonest and stupid people. Why the fuck do you even reproduce? You have no respect for other people's time and you waste other people's lives with your goddamn stupidity. You have no work ethic and blame everyone else for being poor. And yet given a chance, you can't even deliver the bare minimum and feel entitled to get mad at everyone else.You make our lives a living hell and you're not even the ones who suffer for your own stupidity, it's always someone else.
I wish I could just gather all of you in one place and burn your useless fucking existence out of this planet. You are all goddamn parasites. You preach about how to make the world a better place when it's your genes spreading around like a virus that would really end humanity. You make children you can't even support and teach them the same shit morals that never fucking worked for you.
When I die, I will not leave a single offspring on this planet to suffer in this shithole of an Earth to co-exist with these special fucking maggots who were just born for the sole purpose of fertilizing the soil.15
I hate it when you have a specific location on git that you kind of "own" because you're the one working on all the components there and then someone pushed all their shit in there, you look into it, and you see swap files and compiled shit. Now your "home" is a disaster. It's like someone just poured lava on your house and now you're concerned that the neighbors would think that's just your "style".
I didn't push my code because it wasn't fully tested since the database was down for hours. I sent the location of the scripts in the server just in case the testers need it when the database is up long after my shift is over. Someone was too lazy to git add and just pushed everything.
Lesson learned, never go home.7
I assisted a Grab driver how to use their app today. We were going around in circles for a few minutes until he stopped and said "Waze isn't working". I checked my Grab app and saw that he hasn't picked me up yet so the app is still directing him to the pickup location even though I was already in his car.
I told him "I think you forgot to pick me up." This is the asshole part, I always knew he hasn't picked me up and we're going around in circles. I just didn't care because I got out of work early anyway so I'm basically there for the "road trip". 😄
Anyway, a part of me hoped that he would figure it out by himself but it turns out he didn't. So he asked me "I don't know how to.. can you?" and handed over his phone. My immediate response was "Sorry, I don't know". Now this is more like a reflex to me. I hate being bothered by people who don't know the basics of their own jobs. But anyway, since he asked nicely, I followed that with "but let me take a look".
The user interface for drivers is simple enough though I understand the confusion. You have to click a button that says "I've arrived" before the button that says "Pick-up" appears. The man is old and I don't know if it was his first time or what but his attitude made me want to help him because unlike all the asshole drivers I encountered, this one didn't choose to curse and blame the company or the rider. I can't count how many times a driver asked me where I'm going when the drop-off location is right there and then giving me an attitude when I don't allow them to use me as their personal GPS for a trip that would last for over an hour just because they forgot to do something on their side.
At least now I know why the whole personal GPS thing keeps happening to me. 😁3
How come when you alter a table in Hbase to delete a column family, it says "all regions updated" and "done" but you still have to wait for a while for it to reflect?
I tried many times to delete a column family and re-create it. When I scan it again, the records are still there. I'm not impatient or anything, I'm just curious what it means when it says "done". Done what? Done flagging the objects for deletion? What do you mean?
Is this a big data thing? A NoSQL thing? Or is it because it was written in Java? (joke) *wink* *wink*
It's not a big problem for me, I just have to wait but I'm genuinely curious and want to understand.7
I have a deadline today and the database is down. Wooo! *screams in hentai accent*
I messaged the humanoid in charge, he's online but hasn't read my message. Fucking vegana dick. Good luck to me.7
Our CTO is fucking amazing. I've never worked with someone who is as technical as their title implies, experienced, and sharp. Usually, they are experts but aren't sharp anymore or their skills deterioated as they focus more on management.
But this man, wow, he looks like an Egyptian pharaoh and he's incredibly smart. I can really feel my lack of experience when I talk to him.
Not to mention that he's extremely busy and worked more maybe 12 hours every day including weekends. He's often in a call with some other people with different issues. I just can't imagine how he got to that point. He's very calm and stoic and all that shit that I'm not.
I'm a fan boi, I can't believe it. You're awesome, dude. Give me your genes.10
That damn Katy Perry song is stuck in my head, of all people. These people are cultist, I swear to god. How could this several minutes "advertisement" even insert itself into video game streams on Youtube?
The product isn't obvious so I didn't skip. The first thing I saw is this beautiful woman and just kept staring at her. Before you know it, they're dancing in the field and shit like what the fuck is happening.
Then the chorus comes and you're trapped. That's it for you. You'll hear this cursed song all day and all night for the rest of your life. Make it stop. I'm cooking corned beef and slicing onions. Just let me do this.17
Sorry for spamming, this day is never-ending. 😄
There are so many things wrong about this email but the benefits are too tempting. Maybe people who worked in support can relate even more.16
Maybe I don't know how Twitter works but uh.. are there a lot of people like this? I uploaded a clip I found funny, strangers congratulated me, and apparently that had a huge impact on his life. 🐕6
How one of the developers code in Python. The picture is not clear but this is a photo I took after copying the code to Sublime. Dots are spaces, long dashes are tabs.
The indentation looks so fucked but it works anyway. You don't know which block belongs to which block. This is what I have to deal with on a daily basis. This is what the fucking codebase looks like. It is so time-consuming decoding this that my other colleague raised it already. Not sure what happened but I guess with all the deadlines, that developer has no time to fix hundreds of scripts.
Python is supposed to be easy but some people find a way to complicate this shit. I worked with Java before and while whitespace doesn't mean as much there, people write code that is so fucking ugly, they might as well write it in cursive with their goddamn feet. It would be amazing if I get fired and this bitch stays because she wrote all this shit that no one else can understand. You look like a real damn professional. Congratulations on being indispensable. I don't care anymore.
I'm drinking acid for dinner.
Fuck my life. Fuck it hard.56
I just want to go home and play. My boss sounded frustrated today. I'm working on something with a strict deadline and I kept hearing him let go of a big sigh when talking to me.
I ran this code that I haven't modified for a long time, as requested. He said the output changed and that the data I loaded before was a lot better, now it has more noise. The thing is, I didn't make any changes to the code since the last time. The code is getting data from this other database and maybe someone did something there.
Anyway, he said he'll check the code to see what's wrong. I just feel shitty and helpless right now. The anxiety of not knowing if it's my fault or not. I know I didn't make any changes but did I? I've been working on several tasks that I don't remember some of them anymore. We checked the code, it was the same.
I also have this task that's been on my plate for a month. It takes very long to test since I'm scanning billions of data, not to mention that the priority keeps changing so I had to let go of it every now and then. But I also made a few mistakes with the code since I wasn't familiar with NoSQL and I'm thinking that mistake is what people would remember.
Fuck. Maybe my work from anywhere dream isn't happening afterall. I might get fired instead. 😢9
I'm about to punch this guy in the face. I'm in the bank and this guy sat beside me and started fidgeting the fuck out of his body like a paranoid meth addict about to shit in a crackhouse.
First, he kept checking his phone and then looking at me to see if I'm looking at his screen. Dude, I don't give a shit. Maybe don't sit anywhere near people or stop checking your phone and being paranoid?
Then he kept moving his legs like an impatient bastard then he started leaning backwards and then moving forward again. I expressed my annoyance when his shoulder touched me by looking at him with an angry expression and moving further away.
He stopped doing it for a while and started punching his legs after a few minutes. Then the non-stop whining "it's taking sooo long". I agree, you're death is overdue by now, you annoying piece of shit.
STAY STILL SO I CAN STRANGLE YOU TO DEATH.5
My brain has a very effective way of preventing me from liking anybody which benefits my career in a way since I don't have some romantic or infatuation distraction that normal people do.
I had this personal trainer since March and he's good-looking with six pack abs. I've been with several attractive people in my life that I only think "meh" when I see another one. Anyway, there was an event at the gym and he asked me to come. I didn't because I was lazy. One time, we almost cancelled our gym session because he has a photoshoot. The man is literally the face of the said gym, I'm not sure how he ended being my personal trainer.
Yesterday, we were doing the stretches that look like a sex position. Him bending one knee and pushing it towards my chest. We always did this but maybe it's that time of the month when hormones go crazy. For the first time, I looked at the mirror after that session and I looked as pink as I usually do after sex.
I went home and decided to check what all this photoshoot is about. I saw several women fawning over him which I didn't understand in the beginning until the crazy hormones months later. I fell asleep and had a dream about him.
In my dream, I was texting him and he said "Avoid oral sex" in the same manner as he would say "Avoid fruits and sweet stuff". Then he said "You can have sex but only once a week" and the whole "no boom boom before a fight" rushed into my head and I thought "wow, this guy is so buff, he must avoid sex very often". It made sense in that dream.
Anyway, I woke up and just like that, my hormones got over him and we're training again today.11
I found a line of code doing a regex search with crime-related keywords and a name. A fucking name! Let's just call him "Bob" although his name is a lot worse than that.
It looks something like this:
So yeah, if you see Bob's name in it, that guy's a fucking criminal. It doesn't matter which Bob it is, what Bob's childhood was like, how many people Bob helped. It doesn't matter how Bob feels because he still Bob and Bobs are as evil as Veganas, I tell you.
Hide yo house! Bob's gonna burn that shit down!13
NoSQL makes a little bit of sense in a chaotic way but six years of SQL defaults my data structure visualization to the traditional column/row shitness. I can definitely see its use but as my tasks go deeper into it and add to that the completely foreign data of a new project with a new stack, I feel a little less confident about my employment status.
If I wanted to search some information in the database and get the filename of the document, my mind quickly wanders off to:
Value = <filename>
Value = <additional information>
So I would code based on that structure. I'd still get the values I want but then I would find out that it's inefficient because in reality:
Value = <additional information>
But in this case, the column name itself is the filename so you'll see:
Value = <additional information>
Value = <additional information>
And in my current task's case, the filename can either be some human-readable text with no file extensions or some gibberish shit that when encoded turns into docname.txt, etc.
That confused me for a long time because I had mistaken the human-readable stuff as the column because it looks like a column name (for example, "NOTES"). Do you get what I mean? I'm just rambling here because my other colleague had experience with NoSQL before. My boss had to explain the data structure to me knowing I was confused. While I think that's fair and it's unreasonable for me to expect myself to know everything about this project or a technology I didn't write in my resume, it makes me feel stupid like I'm not even passing my own standards now. I'm not stubbornly figuring things out on my own, by the way, which is why I asked my boss in the first place. I always ask for clarifications. It's just this kind of reflex thing with SQL.
Whatever. This is not the rant I promised. I just want to ramble on and get over it before I roast other people for their own shortcomings.1
I find it very irresponsible when developers don't even bother to test the most basic scenarios and choose to go with a "too happy path" instead. There are test scenarios that developers cannot think of by themselves and that's where the functional/business side comes in.
But something as simple as fetching a column's value from a table, how can anyone be so lazy? Is it too hard to find out if you're actually getting the value? Looks like the code was tested only with data that suits the other condition. As soon as the data changed, the code has become useless. I understand that you cannot predict all future data but the least you can do is check if that one line is even working.
This is the same problem that kept happening in my previous company. I'm just glad I'm an ordinary peasant developer now and wouldn't have to give a shit about reviewing someone else's code or touching it unless I was tasked to modify it. But I still really wonder how these people's minds work and why they consistently make the same mistakes over and over again.5
An hour into Minecraft tonight.
*falls into a pit*
*almost drowned in some high pressured water*
*literally bumps into a witch after getting out of the water*
*kills the crazy magical bitch*
*finally gets out of the pit*
*gets hit by lightning*
*hides into the trees*
*gets poisoned by a spider*
This game is an accurate depiction of my life. I love whoever developed this shit already. I actually didn't what hit me until it said I was slained by a spider. Hell, I wouldn't even know how to cure myself if I knew I was poisoned. So realistic! ❤❤❤79
Me: "I sent my boss the findings but he hasn't responded yet."
Other me: "Lol. You should message him with 'Show bobs and vegana' and see how reacts. It would be funny. Come on, try it."
Me: "No, it's not. Fuck you. Stop."8
I love it when people cheat to get "a little more" and end up getting a disciplinary action or losing their jobs. I had food delivered through this app when I was sick and too weak to go out.
I was informed that two of the items I ordered aren't available. The delivery guy asked me to pay for the full price. I asked, "The full price? Even if two items are missing?" He said yes. Instead of wasting my time arguing with another greedy fuck who incidentally also "don't have enough change", I just said okay and reported his ass.
I saved time and sanity arguing with a crook who wouldn't do anything about it. Now something will be done about it and I actually received a promo code that costs a lot more than what he stole.
With these apps, I feel like it doesn't matter how good the software is. As long as there's a human involved, there'd be cheating and all the petty shit that drives you mad. All these delivery apps have a "notes" or "change for" field and it doesn't even fucking matter. I remember a mind-numbing conversation with a delivery guy who is completely devoid of logic.
DG: "Do you have exact amount?"
DG: "I don't have change."
Me: "I put it in the note that I need change for <amount>."
DG: "Yes, but I don't have change." *starts fiddling around his pockets*
I've seen this shit so many times. This is a fucking act that plays over and over again. People cheating, lying, acting, and making a fool out of you just for some extra cash. It's so fucking unreasonable sometimes, they expect you to say "keep the change" for an amount five times the actual bill just because they "don't have change".
Fuck you. I hate greedy people. Your stupid act is unbelievable, you shameless pig.11
I fucking hate drivers who use me as GPS when they have Waze and Google Maps installed. I would understand if we're near the drop-off point but more than an hour of this shit? Do you expect your customer to know all the twists and turns of every street in the several cities we will pass through? Isn't that your job?
I'm literally hearing the direction from the app while you're asking me. Do you not trust it? Uninstall it, what the fuck. How are these people qualified to drive around when they are more lost than you are? Are you lonely? Are you looking for an excuse to talk to somebody?
I even had a driver sarcastically say "there you go" when he asked and I told him where my pick-up point. IT'S RIGHT THERE! I've been riding for years and you're the only one who failed to see it. What the fuck? It's one thing to make a mistake and it's another to be the one who's mad about it. Fuck you.8
Minecraft seems to be popular with developers and I'm curious. I went to the bookstore today and found several Minecraft manuals and pages with beautiful creations. I know it's been around for a long time and I'm very late to the party but what have you guys created in this game? Pictures are appreciated.50