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My CTO prefers to hire very expensive consultants than to trust on staff. It's funny, because he also decided that all technical teams should run on the absolute minimal amount of resources.
You can't imagine how shitty it felt this morning when he sent an email talking about a security consultant that we should hire, just because he thinks the guy could "take our expertise to the next level".
They will charge us 450/hour to run assessments, to find the exact same things my team discovered a year ago.4
While writing up this quarter's performance review, I re-read last quarter's goals, and found one my boss edited and added a minimum to: "Release more features that customers want and enjoy using, prioritized by product; minimum 4 product feature/bug tickets this quarter."
... they then proceeded to give me, not four+ product tickets, but: three security tickets (two of which are big projects), a frontend ticket that should have been assigned to the designer, and a slow query performance ticket -- on top of my existing security tickets from Q3.
How the fuck was I supposed to meet this requirement if I wasn't given any product tickets? What, finish the monster tickets in a week instead of a month or more each and beg for new product tickets from the product manager who refuses to even talk to me?
Fuck these people, seriously.8
Does anyone else suddenly loose the ability to type properly as soon as someone is watching/pairing?7
Since my first high salary dev job in 2018 and until 2021, despite all my attempts to explain, my mom thought that I’m not actually a programmer but rather a scammer that just makes companies pay me salary for nothing. The argument that being a legit programmer is way easier than being a scammer mastermind fell on deaf ears.
Do you know why I said she thought so until 2021? Because I stopped talking to her in 2021 when she said that “being bisexual is a sin” and “I want to stop treating my cancer to die as soon as possible just to not see you anymore” after my coming out.5
Some recruiter just reached out on LinkedIn to talk about a job opportunity with me.
I suggested he give me an idea of the pay range before i proceed and talk to anyone in the company so we dont waste eachothers time.
He said they can realistically pay X/month.
I explained that X is less than half my current salary (Y) so i wont proceed with this.
He replied by saying "oh nice, thats a great salary for your experience"
WTF is that supposed mean? did the bitch say im underqualified to get paid my current salary?11
!rant Pulled an accidental all-nighter on Friday because I started crocheting a blanket for the cats and lost track of time. I am becoming a crocheting fiend!11
Manager: You really shouldn’t be doing that
Dev: It’s in my job description
Manager: Yeah but you still shouldn’t be doing it.
Dev: Who should I hand it off to?
Manager: We don’t have anyone else to hand off that task to.
Dev: Ok, do I stop doing it?
Manager: 😡 Of course not, it needs to get done! I’m just saying you shouldn’t do it.
Got a job as a controls engineer. Told my parents.
Parents: Good Job!
Brother: Bro! How you make so much money?
Me: I went to a tech school and learned how to do technical stuff.
Brother: Oh... fuck that shit!
Everyone was really supportive. Been slowly gravitating from controls to more pure software. But a lot of the software I write is for controls and automation of machines.7
Finally got a job. The process was quick af! Hired in like a hour.
At least now I can't be homeless.
But I'm getting married Saturday, so this means one thing:
I'm a have to work while on honeymoon hahahah
My girl gonna be pissed but glad that I'm not broke10
I got a new job! 🎉
I'll be starting next month.
I had two offers. The first company tried to offer me less than expected, but I was able to negotiate. But after some more consideration, I accepted the second offer.
[I have some more stories from my job hunt that I'll post later.]3
I have got a new director at work. My previous director had to retire already, the man was already feeling it and he had been on the institution for more than 35 years....I am 30, so this tells you how much the man has been there.
This new dude.....has the presence of a Caterprie (Pokemon) or an Oompa Loompa. In contrast, the previous director felt like a 4 star General (never been in the presence of a 5 star since those occurrences are world war rare) but I had respected that man so much and loved working with him. I really did loved my boss, he was stern and professional, but kind and friendly to his staff, fiercely protective, no one took advantage of I.T while he was there, he would literally fight for us and took our word before anything else. The man was, well, a true man. A true leader.
He took a chance in putting me as the head of my department, but he had faith in me, and coached me and trained me as much as he could. Had the requirement for his position not been a masters he himself told me that he would have loved to make me his successor, even when I would constantly tell him that I was scared shitless of the work he did and the amount of things he did for the institution, to me this is a very laaaaaaaaarge cowboy hat to fill (this is Texas, he wore a hat, the saying is normally "shoes to fill", but fuck it)
This new guys looks away when the other managers are speaking to him. He constantly interrupts us. He constantly tells us about how the other institution in which he was (rival might I add) does X or Y, its fucking annoying to the point that me and the other managers have a drinking game, for every time he references his old institution we drink one beer over the weekend. It is Saturday night and I am 36 in in total (this is my favorite part of it tho) and it is just annoying.
His train of thought makes no sense to me:
"This application, where did you buy it? we tried purchasing one on Y when I was still there but found none"
Me: "Well, since it was a new government mandate and had nowhere to go we had to develop it in house"
Him: "We had tried to purchase what you guys had but found no place that sold it, so why didn't you try purchasing it?"
Me:.....well, because it was brand new, purchase it from where? We also don't like dealing with vendors that manage these sorts of things because every new requirement takes them weeks to produce on very high budgets, historically, my department has only had maintenance fees for the software that we have and even those applications crap themselves all the time and they take weeks to answer back to us.
Him: So you decided to develop it in house instead? we would never do that! back at y we purchased everything our engineers never really developed anything!
Me: Well then, what is the purpose of having engineers if they are not going to actually develop an application?
Him: IF there is something out there that is better then why should you reinvent the wheel?
Me: For this one I did not reinvent the wheel, I am not talking about creating a programming language from scratch, but how does custom solutions that specifically feed the needs of the institution to be produced otherwise? The department has developers for a reason, because they have very specific needs in here that can only come from a team of developers that are in house satisfying those needs.
Him: Well our engineers never had to do that. Sure projects sometimes had to put on holds because the vendor was busy, but such is the nature of development
Me: No it is not, the nature of development is to create things, it is one thing for my team to go through bugs and software considerations, it is another for me to not provide a service because some random company is taking two weeks on a $300 dllr an hour contract to put a simple checkbox on a form. If a project fails the board is not going to care that some vendor is not doing their job, they are just going to blame me, if that is the case then I would much rather the blame be actually mine than some sucky third party "developer" also, your engineers where not even engineers, they were people with a degree that purchased things, that's it, please do not compare them to my guys or refer them as engineers in front of me, they are not.
Him: Well, maybe.
MAYBE?!! motherfucker I did not kill myself learning the ins and outs of architecture and software engineering on my own time after my fucking bachelors in C.S for your codeless background ass to tell me MAYBE. My word IS the fucking WORD here, not yours. Fuck me I really dislike this dude's management practices.
The shitty part? He is not a bad person, he is not a bad dude that is out to get us, just a simple minded moron with no place as a leader.
I know leaders, I know what a leader is, this is not one.10
Manager: How long until the current set of tickets is complete?
Dev: Based on storyboard points it’ll be 1.5 weeks from now
Manager: That’s unacceptable! Let me take a look at the board and see if I can remove some low priority tickets.
*Later that day*
Manager: Oooo I found a bunch of really exciting tickets in the backlog that I forgot about. I’ve added them to the board.
Dev: Did you remove any?
Manager: Huh? Oh right. No, I looked and it all needs to get done.
Dev: With these new tickets added to the board our new estimate is 4 weeks.
Manager: WHAT?!? BUT I SPENT ALL DAY LOOKING FOR EFFICIENCIES!!
“Yeah but you’re not a *real* developer”
I wrote 80% of this code base. I do 80% of the tickets/storyboard points. I do all of the QA. My nose is to the grindstone every fucking day honing this craft and sweating my balls off like a blacksmith staring into the red hot kiln while the sores of previous mistakes scream bloody murder from the unrelenting exposure to heat. I saw this amazing industry of opportunity, freedom and self examination and wanted in no matter what it took. I glued myself to every pithy resource I could possibly get my hands on and crawled through the muck and filth of it all until I could keep myself warm with the smallest spark of my own making. I stoked that spark until it became a fire and stoked that fire until I could set entire forests ablaze. I listened to the ungrateful people keeping warm by my combustion saying it “wasn’t hot enough” or “would have been a nicer colour if they did it” or “could have warmed up just fine jogging on the spot”. I made painstaking alterations to my ignition and watched my undeserving benefactors gradually be silenced and begin to sit quietly by the heat. I jumped into that inferno daily, was reduced to ash daily and emerged reborn daily. But you are right! I didn’t get scammed out of $40k+ studying technology in an archaic institution from instructors who don’t give a shit and answering “D all of the above” for 4+ years straight therefor my opinion doesn’t mean shit. Push your bullshit to prod and watch the server come burning out of the cloud as the apocalyptic swarm of angry tickets come flooding in why don’t you? Bet they didn’t teach you that in school. You’ve never poked around inside an open source codebase in your life. They are just a mystery boxes of magic that unless someone holds your hands with finely crafted instructions containing a 50/50 picture to word ratio you throw a hissy fit. Every problem that comes up instead of working to solve it you reflexively point to the first person in the room while thinking with your pea brain how you can possibly scapegoat them into taking the fall for whatever it is that’s come up today you couldn’t possibly understand.
Not a real developer?
Tried to impress the boss with my work ethic by staying late to install a new VoIP system. Wasn’t even part of my job description. A few days later I had a flat tire on the way to work. It took me a couple hours to get that taken care of. When I got to work, the boss told me I had to work 2 extra hours that week to make it up. I reminded him that I had worked overtime recently to install his new phone system. He said, “Doesn’t matter. You still need to make up the hours.”
From that moment on I never worked one second more for him than I had to. I quit less than a year into the job.13
User: We have been dealing with this bug for a month now! How come nobody has fixed it?
Dev: Who did notify about this issue?
User: You’re not listening we have been dealing with this for a MONTH!
Dev: When this issue first occurred did you tell anyone?
User: …. Ok I don’t remember but I know I said something to someone. Anyway it doesn’t matter, your job is IT so how come this isn’t fixed?
Dev: Did you have an email? Ticket number? Teams message? Any record of where this was dropped?
User: I think you’re missing the point. We haven’t been able to do out jobs for A MONTH. We’ve just been sitting around completely helpless. We’ve been trying to figure a system using paper and pencil to replace the electronic one but it’s too complicated. How come this wasn’t fixed the second it happened?
Dev: It’s hard to respond to an issue if it’s not brought to out attention.
User: Ok but we are too busy to create a ticket! We have a million things to do and we can’t do any of them because your app doesn’t work! We’ve been sitting here telling each other how terrible this system is AND IT HAS BEEN A MONTH.
Dev: …. Yeah I got that12
PM talked me into comming into the office because of some subjective "culture" reason. He worked from home that day (didn't state a particular reason)
Would you be mad?9
Well, I did it.
I spent 45 minutes writing my first hacky, shell-and-python automation script to save me 15 seconds every morning.12
YELLED AT FOR 45 FUCKING MINUTES OVER OTHER PEOPLE’S FUCKUPS
IF YOU PIECES OF SHIT WANT ME TO DO SOMETHING, FUCKING SAY IT. WRITE IT THE FUCK DOWN IN THE FUCKING TICKET.
AND IF YOU WANT A FUCKING DEMO, SCHEDULE THE FUCKING THING, AND STOP FUCKING CANCELING THEM. DON’T BLAME ME WHEN IT’S YOUR FUCKING FINGER ON THE FUCKING CANCEL BUTTON EVERY. FUCKING. WEEK.
AND SERIOUSLY, DON’T FUCKING EXPECT ME TO DROP MY LAST FUCKING TICKET THE AFTERNOON BEFORE VACATION FOR SOME LOW-PRIOIRTY CRAP BECAUSE SUDDENLY IT’S ALL THE RAGE INSIDE YOUR TINY DUMBASS HEAD. BUT OH BOO FUCKING HOO, @ROOT DIDN’T DO WHAT I ASKED WHEN I WAS BEING A FUCKING MORON! GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU FUCKING STUCK-UP IDIOT
AND FUCK BOZO THE CLOWN BOSS FOR BLAMING ME FOR THE FUCKING IDIOT’S BRUISED FUCKING EGO
FUCK THE LOT OF YOU40
I never used to lie. Unless it was absolutely necessary which was very rare.
But now, I can lie so easily.
It all started with those fake sick emails after entering coroorate. And now I have become a lying bastard.
I don’t like myself when I lie but the necessities have become frequent in corporate.
Fuck corporate man!
Fuck it with porcupine quills!9
The saddest and funniest side of our industry is (atleast in India): someone works hard and makes it to the best colleges, do great projects on AI, ML; get a good score on Leetcode, codechef; gets a job in FAANG-like companies...
Changes colors in CSS and texts in HTML.
And, why is there so much emphasis on Data Structures and Algorithms? I mean, a little bit is fine, but why get obsessed with it when you never write algorithms in production code?
Now, don't tell me that, we use libraries and we should know what we are doing, no, we don't use algorithms even in libraries.
Now, before you tell me that MySQL uses B-tree for maintaining indexes, you really don't need to solve tricky questions to be able to understand how a B-tree works.
It's just absurd.
I know how to little bit on how design scalable systems.
I know how to write good code that is both modular and extensible.
I know how to mentor interns and turn them into employees.
I know how to mentor junior engineers (freshers) and help them get started.
Heck I can even invert a binary tree.
But some FAANG company would reject me because I cannot solve a very tricky dynamic programming question.4
We have no more time for all this Agile stuff!
Half of our developers might have been injured when we built the Great Wall of China, but no worries, we've listened to your complaints about feeling overworked!
You can take 3 extra days off this year. Meanwhile, we're starting the next project.
We're building some pyramids.
What? You want Scrum and sprints? Sure, do sprints, whatever helps us build those pyramids!
Requirements? Refinements? What requirements are there to refine?
We require a giant pyramid.
For v1, you can build the foundation out of wet mud. It must be 500 meters. Wide, or high, we're not sure yet, we'll get back to you on that. It must have less than 4 sides, but certainly more than 3.
The Frontend team has already built a part of the entrance using 60 semi trucks filled with papier-mâché, pipe cleaners and glitter.
Now go build already!20
Last week, my entire team was out including my manager.
I had to define the roadmap for Q4 and present it to everyone along with my skip level manager (Sr Director).
Now with 12 hour time difference, the call was scheduled at 04:30 AM India time.
Now since I am new, this was my first time (an opportunity to build trust), one off event, and some new learning experience, I decided to give it a shot because I am professional enough to fill in during critical times.
Everything went well.
I come back from vaccine break and this happened: https://devrant.com/rants/4595608/...
Now here is the interesting part. I had my 1:1 with my manager yesterday and she asked me the details of how things went the previous week yada yada..
Then she proceeds to tell me that Sr Director and herself are super impressed with me and by my work.
She was like, "we are thankful that we have you because after the lead left, you managed everything so well"
Then proceeds to asks me, "You had a conversation with lead that you'd be open to relocation. She mentioned me before she quit. Do you think that if you are with the team in US, you'd be able to perform better?"
I agree and tell her that in person socialising is a key tool that helps me a lot in my job.
Manager: "Cool. If you ever want to move to US or anywhere, just let me or Sr Director know and we'd be happy to do so. It's very easy and can be done quickly."
Me: "Do you mean visiting different offices or relocating full time?"
For someone like me, coming from a third world nation who has seen nothing but hardship, this was one of the most rewarding career experience I have had. The decision lies with me. And she asked me that as soon COVID is over, I'll have to frequently visit different offices around the world.
This is my third international offer in 1.5 years that too in times of COVID. All by themselves and I wasn't even looking for them.
Holy fuck! Now I feel more confident and valued for my work.
Hard work is indeed paying off23