now I'm morbidly depressed from these antipsychotics

it's also really fucked up psychiatry lies to you and uses their psychology research to manipulate you

turns out I should've just been given sleeping pills and I would've been fine. instead they put me on those things and while they helped me sleep they kept me on them. turns out they numb you out so I didn't feel anything until I got basically "morbid depression". it went through the anxiety and numbness of the pill (and the anxiety is "just a symptom" you should just manage with another pill!). so then I quit the pill without telling anyone since I was so desperate and those fuckers aren't your friends, they just pretend to be to gain your trust so they can feed you lies to get you to do what they want you to do which is really fucked up because they're abusing vulnerable people reaching out for help but I digress.. actually seems those who have the highest compliance with psychiatry have the worst life outcomes so that's really fucking funny

now I AM actually feeling crazy and mentally unstable which is fucking great. going off it my emotions came back but they're not my emotions. I am also impulsive, because apparently that's a symptom they don't tell you about. miserable, depressed, impulsive, with wildly fluctuating emotions. the desire to run away from myself but you can't. Jesus fuck. what are they even doing to people

one day I was so miserable I eventually went running and the pain of running could overpower the pervasive feeling of misery I felt 24/7 all the fucking time. then I got fucking manic for 4 hours afterwards because I guess I could produce some dopamine again and my body doesnt know how to handle that

this morning I wake up and I'm miserable but not in the same way. forced myself to go running and I wasn't pushing myself because my body is actually literally depressed, not the "I'm burning on fire" depressed. so I guess I didn't run hard enough. took a shower and cried the whole way through. why? fuck if I know

I can safely say Ive never been depressed but I sure as fuck am now. what the fuck are they forcing on people. it isnt even statistically helping anyone. every fucking field is fucked up

I'm just so done with people. we're fucked up animals. I thought about mortality, how every single person all they ever do is lie to you to take advantage of you. I don't enjoy a single fucking thing anymore. also now I'm perpetually hungry, because apparently hunger is an actual emotion for me so once the antipsychotic (which was supposed to make me fat apparently) wore off and was no longer numbing my emotions out now all I wanna do is eat constantly even if I don't wanna cook food or do anything but sleep and cry or even if Im fucking so full my stomach hurts. what the fuck man

and people just disgust me. I dont like anybody. told the case worker running helped me once and he just about wanted to invite into his running cult and I was just so grossed out

and the one job I had made me feel not built for this world because of how depressing they were (irony now) and I wanted to off myself logically for 3 months before I found out I could just quit the job. but this means the idea of getting a job just gives me intense anxiety, an anxiety distinct from the chemically induced anxiety their psychiatry has done to me. now I can't even enjoy anything though so the joke's on me

the caveat of not being built for this world keeps echoing in my head. I don't like people. everybody lies and takes advantage. I don't even enjoy hobbies anymore. why did I ever?

and I'll just die of being destitute anyway. submit to slavery, take our shit, or die. and dont forget to smile and have passion and curiosity while we pump you full of retard drugs that numb you out and shrink your brain and tell you there's nothing wrong with that and that's the way things are meant to be and laugh at you for "trying to think" but by the way you should be an industry expert also while never critically thinking about anything and taking drugs that literally shrink your brain

humans are a joke

I lost my sense of humor and I hope it comes back. but actually if I remember correctly I got fired for having sarcasm. so maybe it's best if you don't exist. fuck you, please us. dance, monkey

and all the while nothing is possible because we made the rules and take these pills that literally make you incapable and smile because we put garbage in your head to gaslight you about existence. no wonder everybody just says fake garbage. do they even know? probably not

where's the escape button? where's the philosophy to make it make sense? guess you're just born RNG and you either win the game or you don't. there's no sap or sentimentality about it. if you believe in God or enjoy something too hard that colors pop it means you have psychosis, ayyo. oh fuck I totally forgot they even specify some kind of thinking style as psychosis - uh oh!

depression disables adaptability, too 🤪

Android dev here.
Been working on this team for one year now. Greatest collaborators I've ever worked with. Feels like we're all working off of the same brain. But this is not about my team. Parallel to ours, there's the iOS team. And if I said they're disfunctional, that'd still be underselling it.

They're atleast 2 sprints behind android on the same features, the junior devs are trying their best to sync up and code their way. But the senior guy has a stick up his bum or something. Keeps shooting down prs left and right. The iOS guys come up to me (I'm the only one in office, rest of android is at a different site) asking for logic changes or UI changes and the like. Although I do have some iOS experience, I can't really get involved, because it's a different codebase and team. Feels very much like office politics.

I feel sorry for the team. Really makes you grateful to have good team members. Any advise I could give them would be welcome.

If you think about it, you really just lost the game.

What the FUCK is with these poltergeists work work on the Xcode team? They all live in a tiny home or loft studio? Tabs are like hanging a fucking curtain between two beds and calling it a two bedroom apartment. And worse, the fucking thing creates tabs all the time and I lose the **document** I am trying to edit.

Using Xcode like trying to manage a desk full of loose papers with a ceiling fan on high.

Do people wonder why I stand up and scream at the ceiling FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK all the time?

Shit, pretty soon I am going to give up and put all of my code in one god damn file for this mother fucking one-window application.

I fucking hate you people on the Xcode design (joke) team...

Ideal position to be in mid-large cap software is to either stop at either senior or staff engineer, then use side free time to dedicate to launching your side project. Detach immediately and work on your own

Holy fuck... I have kinda inherited the biggest shitshow of a website I've seen so far. The Stripe integration doesn't work. Users' memberships aren't getting synced, seems the person who did this didn't use a webhook.

subscription statuses managed all over the place.

Fucking hell... I don't even....

My old company had a board on TeamBlind.com, but it was a startup and people rarely posted. There has been one post since the big layoffs and zero replies to it.

Meanwhile, my current company doesn't meet the minimum number of people to enable the private board (need 30 more) and it's been around for decades.

Oh God fuck shit mother trucker. Clowns. Clowns!!!

Sigh.

SHIT!

!rant if(gym) { mood++; } // post-increment because it requires gym first

Fuck, its 2025 and we still cant shake away the "you work with technology, you must know how to fix my microwave" stereotype.
Seriously, I have fewer apps in my phone and access fewer websites and even spend less time on my devices than the HR old hags, and yet im the one who has to come and "explain to them how to print a PDF".
Holly fucking crap. I haven't used a printer in MONTHS. With the cost of the time I will take to figure out how to communicate with those mummies that is 'just click the print button', they could hire ChatGPT to do it for a decade.
Fuuuuuck, that is the reason those stupid AI chat bots exist! To endlessly toil at the repetitive and predictable task of saying 'hi there! Have you clicked "print"?'
Imma gonna leave work early and get pissed. Luckily, I've already done a couple hours of OT for the day, so it won't seem so out of the ordinary.

What’s the worst company you’ve ever worked for that had zero understanding of technology I mean like, the kind where you wonder how their systems are still online and survive?

Currently thinking about how all the hardware currently getting propped up for AI might end up getting used by the US Government to crack encrypted data. Because AI inevtably failed.

"We wanted to let you know about X. (Bla bla bla…) Do you want to activate X now?"

[Yes, activate X]
[Remind me later]

How about a fucking 3rd option: Never ask me again? 🤬

Fucking hate those dark patterns!

Had a coding challenge.

I write the code, it's easy enough. All the tests are passing.

Yet the IA decided my code was 80%. The threshold is 90%.

That's fucking bullshit omg

before, when I was younger, whenever I knew someone was wrong and I could prove it, i would do it... Nowadays I don't a fuck, let them burn

Can ill people please stay home :(

Now I also caught the flu :(

i cannot believe this actually fucking happened.

i was sitting and tried to fart.

turned out it was a liquid diarrhea.

I FUCKING SHIT IN MY PANTS.

AND NOW I HAVE TO CLEAN THIS SHIT UP AND TAKE A SHOWER ONCE AGAIN.

HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN?????

My wife asked me if I could take a look at her keyboard because some of the keys suddenly had stopped working.
I checked the keyboard and saw that crumbs were literally blocking the keys. I gave it a shake, the crumbs fell out, and the keyboard started working again.

Working on a really neat idea app for client as a consultant.The app is in production and has active users. Sounds great except few facts like...

...every developer left the company, no handover whatsoever, no documentation, founder is vibe coding the app with claude and pushes like 500 times daily directly to master, production breaks every minute, its a slow dockerized nextjs fullstack app - literally waiting like half a minute when clicking on a link locally, prisma migrations don't work at all, also a lot of unfinished integrations with 3rd party services...

First time working on the vibe coded app, certainly will be also last. No money will get me into project like this again. Good thing is that I am almost over with it. Will never look back!

Also next js no more, I'll rather herd goats on a mountain than fixing someone elses nextjs sloppy app again.

Happy Friday everyone! 💕

I'm starting to wonder if the modern job market has changed in such a way that they now require you to have Senior skills if you apply for a Senior position - the old 'apply anyway' does not seem to hold true anymore. This is the experience I have been getting from my latest interviews. If they ask for someone who's a guru in C#... well then, you better be the greatest living legend in it, and no less will do, neither any amount of sales talk.

It's just that; they're asking for real skill nowadays, obviously because the job market is going downwards again and companies are taking no risks... the effect is: either you're really good or we're not hiring you. That must also explain the lack of junior positions... I used to see much more of those around. Now it's all spammed with Senior in the title.