I've always hated cubicles and wanted an open office....until I sat next to the loudest eater in recorded history.

Have you ever threatened to quit if someone you thought was a worthless team member wasn't removed from your team? How'd it go?

Q: what's your "5 year plan"?
A: I'd like to help the company continue to grow and make my equity worth as much as possible.
Q: No no no, I meant like I wanna be director of "blah blah", where do you wanna be?
A: As far fucking away from you as possible

if a recruiter calls me one more time about an "exciting opportunity" 500 miles away, I'm gonna punch a baby in the face.

I am a QA. why do you hate me so much?