@Lensflare I'm thinking something that's analogous to their invention.

Like maybe they bend down to pet a cat, without realising there's a whole family of starving bears hiding behind it.

Can't touch this.

@retoor The back half is outside the frame. For all we know it could be wearing hammer pants. That would explain the look on the other cow's face.

I asked bing image creator for a picture of the guy who invented the US date format. Now all we need to do is track him down and shove that typewriter up his catflap.

You know what you can do with your goat, cyber or otherwise.

KPIs are bollocks. If the powers that be insist on you having them, make them stuff like "do your annual fire safety training".

Marginally more efficient than isfixed++.

@ingosteinke Being a pigeon sounds like a right pain in the arse.

The person at the next desk has been shouting into the phone for the past 30 minutes, so everything seems like a waste of time.

Having a specific keyword for elseif is a sign of overcomplicating things by trying to be simple, and languages that do this tend to be donkey languages.

If it's made by sony, then sooner or later you will get an irresistible urge to violently dismantle it. This is inevitable.

My recommendation would be to take it somewhere quiet and beat the crap out of it as soon as you can, so that you don't have to worry about the urge coming over you when you're at work, or something.

@tosensei ...and it shits the bed in even more mysterious ways.

@retoor Are bright red headphones and a syntactically invalid xml t-shirt not original enough for you?

You should be happy, you've nicked my dog and most of the stuff off my desk.

@vincentgomez06 Try taking the ball gag out of your mouth.

@tosensei People having always had antlers is indeed a very different proposition to people suddenly developing antlers.

I know I would fix the thing that I know people know I could fix that they know I know I'm doing wrong, but I know they don't know that I don't know how to fix it.

@jestdotty Edward dildohands.

You *think* your code works...

@jestdotty One in each hand, like you're conducting Wagner?

@lungdart A billion willies, waving in unison.

@jestdotty It sounds like at least 8 of the jobs are just willy-waving though.

@Neilcarr4 How does such a idiot get hold of $420k in the first place? Inheritance? Prostitution? Cobol?

There are eight different sizes of willy from the CTO down? That's terrifying.

@electrineer It's a popular fantasy, but I suspect it would end up with the two woman talking about how annoying the man is.

My graph looks like that only all the writing's upside down.

Let me guess... PHP?

My personal favourite:

"The tool's erroring out".

"Is there an error message?"

"Yes, it says 'this object has not been downloaded, click the button below to download it.'"

"What happens when you click the download button?"

"It works! I knew you'd be able to fix it."

Strong Buffalo Bill vibes here.

Compared to your previous idea of taking over the world and killing everyone, it's certainly easier and will probably get you into less trouble.