I've shifted from writing nested ifs to writing early returns. Feels great.

garbage collectors' lifestyle matters!

Ever eyeballed the abyss of your memory leaks? Shit, garbage collectors deserve a raise.

Unsung heroes, janitorialing thru that VM like a dung beetle, silently fucking up your perf so you can do that delicious spaghetti. Indiana-jonesing the fuck out of that memory trash can and euthanizing all that disgusting heap of pointers hanging, dangling, like... well, like garbage.

At the very least they're deterministic, unlike that Markov chain we all had the displeasure of fucking up. Amen? Amen! 🙌🏻

You gotta wonder, though, what goes through their nuggin. Do they reminisce about the potential of that half-ass-written class? Do they weep for the elegance of a forgotten function bottlenecking their job? Nah, probably just counting down the nanoseconds till their next full GC cycle. Aaah, like cold beer in Saturday barbecue.

So next time your program miraculously avoids a memory error, take a moment, put your hands up in the air and say a prayer to your garbage collector.

Silently covering for your fuckups

Being able to confidently say infront of the CEO that everything you implemented is working just fine, while their business is standing still because another software company fucked up almost everything, having tried everything to blame us for the errors, reminds me of why I’m doing this shit.

Throw it in the trash

Rocky linux. Looks stable - it's still up

ref.: https://devrant.com/rants/5798339

Rocky Linux.

The ancient Linux distro, presumably the main desktop Linux used by cavemen.

You can still see some instances running these days.

Meat is good. Charred meat though… the smell of it makes my teeth subjectively bigger, to the point where they don't fit in my mouth. Psychosomatic illusion, yes, but saliva is dripping.

I hate this era where it's illegal to ask questions

Europeans called snap elections and everybody is going far-right but I don't see mention of Israel so I got curious if this is a coup. but I can't even ask the damned question. questions are illegal

['hip', 'hip'] (hip hip array)

My company just installed app-operated locks in all doors. Let's say that I have a hard time taking security policies now.

MS Teams sending an email to inform me about people which "are trying to reach me", one hour after I already talked with those people via Teams chat.
🤦‍♂️

😲🤡😲🤡😲🤡

Four freaking crypto recovery ads on this platform today. They do spend effort in it, still it's full of typos. So retards that work hard? What would the scam be? I'm very interested if those guys actually make money

Here's how I describe my workplace:
- a mid dev that will stay mid forever
- a senior but with junior skill
- a mid but actually a junior
- a verbose dev, people having rough time trying to understand her because her explanation is always blown up
- a PM without enough technical skill
- a dev with personality like a moody teenager
- a contractor but acting like a customer

Did I miss anything? 🤔

I'm back baby

Some startup clients have the most bizarre ideas in terms of tech stack and expects us to pull if off!

Whoever invented the "conversation view" in email clients, hopefully they don't die of anything boring.

Reminder. He did not delete himself

Strippin' and renovatin' my kitchen,
Finding skeletons in the walls,
They drilled right through powered wire,
When central heating was installed.

3 more screw-pierced wires
Hiding behind the dry-wall,
how the hell was this certified?
Amateurs

SCRUM it’s just another form of exploitation.

the internet was so good before corporate interests took everything over and made it garbage

before you found real people, instead of shills
real hobbies, instead of someone wanting to sell you knockoff shit by pretending to have information on your hobby
real information, instead of stupid politics which pretend information doesn't exist and keep changing Wikipedia pages or brigading forums with spam or reporting websites or servers as violating rules to remove innocent people and ruin their shit

before you could find tools and use them
and there were no ads
even when there were ads they were just banner ads where you got free iPods and maybe a virus
but they didn't subscribe you to their service monthly and then play psychological tricks on you so you couldn't cancel
even when the popups came we had popup blockers, and the web browsers were on our side and made the feature widespread and viewed the popups as malicious, and now the world's biggest ad company serves the most popular "open source" browser and is in a war against usability because they have to display their brain malware ads to you or else

and you'd get excited to get an email, instead of annoyed it's more fucking corporate spam you don't want from a random website that required you to give your email address so you could've bought a trinket for your friend Bob's birthday that one time and now their subscriber list keeps "forgetting" you unsubscribed

phones have a billion sensors but the app stores are so infested with bullshit none of it matters
it's all rot
everything is starving and making your life worse

we used to do so much with so little
and now we have so much and leave it all on the table to throw poop at each other

don't forget that brigade science tells you nostalgia is you remembering something to be better than it was. be gaslit. webpages disappear now, too. they get changed. archive.org has the records, and got DDoSed the other day. I knew this day would happen. everyone who lies would love for there to be no archives, no records. to burn the modern books

females before orgasm be like HIT ME IN THE FACE WITH A DEAD CAT AND CALL ME YOUR SISTER'S NAME

Been playing Skyrim a lot lately. "research" I guess. So any abbreviations and the like I think of TES or Skyrim related lore. I saw a post on devrant earlier that mentioned DB. My first thought was Dark Brotherhood. So this meme was born:

Solved a major scalability issue today.
I'm starting to think I might actually be as good as what I told the recruiters I was.

This hadoop-ecosystem job used to take about 2h40min and cost about USD 1.00/GB.
Now it takes 36 mins. At about 0.85/GB.
Fixed some over shuffling, restructured some bottleneck serial stages, used lots of weird words.
Folks in this company I just entered were struggling with this formerly unwieldy process for a year.
Now it's nimble enough to run every hour.

Maybe that whole "experience" thing people were always yammering about wasn't completely bullshit.

random writing on wall : "new mcDonalds burger for just Rs 99/-" (* 10% GST)
me : "oh that's easy. 99+ 10% of 99 = 9.9 , so total will be 108.9
---
random DSA question in interview : "given a number n, write a program to break it into n parts, such that product of all parts is the highest for given number n. like for 10, 4x3x3 is 36, 4x3x2x1 is24, 5x5 is 25, and thus the correct answer is 4x3x3"

me : 💀💀💀🏳️🏳️🏳️🏳️

-----
seriously though why the fuck is this programming so difficult. I also learnt java c++ python and various languages during my education days, and currently using it to create awesome buttons and ui screens which is being used by millions of people,

but why the interviewers have to ask questions that results in such a horrific use of these beautiful languages!?!

these non realistic stuff are not at all intuitive and will only result in people who likes to mug up these questions and their solutions to keep winning in life

My companies org is in a serious state of disrepair when it comes to project management.

Everything is tracked via conference. Each level of management (CTO, EVP, SVP, BP, S DIRECTOR, DIRECTOR, S MANAGER, MANAGER) all have a different tracking page that all say slightly different things.

To organize things there's a technical project manager who isn't just new to the team, he's new to the field. He's not technical, or experienced in project management. He's never worked within a scrum before.

He's dictating how to organize the teams scrum, and he's getting it very wrong. Decided to organize efforts in all the confluence pages by creating another one for him, again it's different.

When the work in confluence page 3/16 isn't done by a due date anybody knew about, the engineers have to hop on a call and get a Micky mouse solution out the door by the of day so upper management doesn't think the projects off the rails.

In the mean time I've taken a small group of more junior devs and shielding them. We have a side scrum that we manage and is going great, and I'm blocking the BS.

CORPORATE SUCKS. Golden handcuffs are a thing. I might set sail for greener pastures once i don't have to pay back my signing bonus if I leave.

If people had antlers, would you be basically ok with that, or would it cause some kind of issues?

“Hey what’s this issue? Can you tell me what’s going on?”
“Yeah sure, what is it?”
[login page alert displaying “your email or password is incorrect, please try again.”]

How do people like this live? How do they not forget how to breathe or eat?

Sick of people claiming that being a developer is an easy job.

Does it compile?
Holy shit IT COMPILES

IT COMPILES
IT RUNS

IT'S ALIIIIIVEE!!!