Whoever invented the "conversation view" in email clients, hopefully they don't die of anything boring.

If people had antlers, would you be basically ok with that, or would it cause some kind of issues?

Lawyer maths is different to actual maths, and it's fucking confusing.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Mount an azure file share in an app service container? Sounds handy. Nice clicky-draggy wizard to set it up, pick your file share, type a path to mount it to, hit save.

And does it work?

Does it buggery.

And is there a helpful error message so you can see what you've done wrong?

In a pig's arse is there a helpful fucking error message.

"Application error", and a link to some "diagnostic resources" that displays the exact same error message, including the same link, so a link to itself, in an infinite recursive loop of rank, inhuman stupidity.

Let me see what's in the logs. Absolutely fuck all. No, wait! There's the html markup for the fucking useless error message I'm looking at in the browser. So the UI is telling me to fuck off, and the logs are recording that I have been told to fuck off.

But this is Azure. So there isn't just one place to look at the logs, there are many places to look at the logs. And they are all geologically slow and most of them don't work.

It's probably a firewall issue. I'll have a look later on if I can be arsed, but frankly I'd rather be performing cunnilingus on a lion.

Just started typing "devr..." in the address bar, not realising my keyboard was in cyrillic mode.

So instead of reading about b2plane's shits and hurriedly scrolling past AI-generated creepy anime kids, I've been reading about Великоустюгский Многопрофильный колледж.

If I was more dedicated in my language studies I might have understood more than 10% of it.

Horses for courses.

That's where baby horses come from.

That twenty-minute shouting phone call should really have been an email. Or just nothing.

As soon as the shouting stops, I will begin the process of clearing my head. About 20 minutes after the shouting stops, I will be able to do some work.

Unfortunately, about 10 minutes after the shouting stops, it starts again.

And then it will be lunchtime.

And then there will be more shouting.

And then it will be the end of the day.

Fuck you, Acrobat Reader.

Fuck your whole family, your cat and your dog and your pig.

It's nearly May. I am therefore going to start referring to apples as "tree potatoes" whenever possible.

The plural of schema is schemata, and the plural of index is indices.

Words with irregular plurals are interesting, stop trying to force them to be like normal words.

This morning it seems all my blood has been taken out and replaced with piss.

Coffee just makes it feel like hot piss.

At some point, someone on the visual studio team thought: what people need is a clicky-draggy gui for editing yaml files for github actions.

And instead of throwing him unceremoniously out of the window, the rest of the team agreed, and said: yes, that's a great idea, it will be almost as useful as that clicky-draggy gui for editing sql commands.

Wordpress.

Dogshit.

That is all. Thank you for listening.

Cauliflower is the devil's broccoli.

Ah, dependabot, you annoying little gimp.

Delivery guy tried to make small talk, and I immediately got a visual migraine aura. Coincidence? Arse.

Gargoyle sucking its own todger, of the day.

No, that "save as" dialog you made yourself is not better than the one built in to the OS.

The hills are alive.

For the love of buggery, stop watching bloody videos on your bloody phone with the bloody volume turned up.

I was thinking about something, just starting to get in the zone, when suddenly that tinny little speaker opened up a portal into the howling chaos of the underworld.

It sounds like cats fucking in an empty grain silo.

For the next half an hour, there is no room in my head for anything apart from the diabolical echoes of that bollock-wrenchingly hideous noise.

What I need is an automatic banner that pops up at the top of the screen, saying:
YOU'RE ON THE WRONG BRANCH YOU RETARD
In big red letters.
No idea how to go about automating that, and I suspect it would probably be on the screen more or less permanently, but I reckon it's a useful tool.

My daughter says I look like a mad scientist from a cartoon.

Best compliment ever.

Wait, the electrode does what? All I wanted to do is light the grill.

I think I might have OD'd on homemade pizza.

Why is the internet suddenly trying to sell me covers for colostomy bags? Does it know something I don't? Should I be concerned?

The amazon music app.
I don't know what's more annoying. Is it the general shittiness of it, the way they've made trying to find anything into some kind of fucked up magic mushroom experience?
Or is it the fact that they've intentionally made it shit because their marketing knobheads think that'll make people buy subscriptions?
Or is it the fact that the marketing knobheads are probably right?
It actually makes economic sense for them to turn their app into a steaming, heaving pile of shit, because millions of people will buy a subscription in direct response to the shitness of the app.
Stop making me swim through shit, you motherless son-of-a-bitches, and I might actually buy stuff.
But that doesn't matter, because enough people will buy stuff *because* you're making them swim through shit.

Musical instrument of the day

Steaming pile of shite of the day.