3
navitas
3y

I need help.
I don't know if I can do this anymore.

As much as I love coding, what I do and making new things, I feel like I can't handle it as well as I used to be able to. I was diagnosed with treatment-resistant depression and anxiety (amongst other things) and it's taking a toll on me. I can't work on problems as well as I used to. I overlooks simple errors and typos and spend hours trying to fix it. I can't focus on anything or even remember what I was doing a minute ago. I seem to constantly miss deadlnes. My performance has taken a nose-dive and I'm in constant fear of losing my job. I'm the breadwinner for my household (dad doesn't work, mom doesn't make enough) and much of my salary goes towards my family and rent.

I have a couple of attempts, and one of my recent ones got me fired from my previous job. I've tried to get help. I've gone to therapy, I'm on a shit-load of anti-depressants and trying to change the outlook of my life, but nothing seems t work.

I don' know what to do. I needed to vent out. What do you think I should do?

Comments
  • 1
    I'm sorry for you. You are on a difficult position :( Don't give up on medical treatment, you need help. Don't be too hard on you.
  • 2
    I'm sorry that you're going through all of.this, I would say stay strong and have some spare time to think about why are yiu fearing tbat much.

    hope you'll figure ot out and then focus on your job
  • 3
    I imagine you are feeling overwhelmed. Depression and anxiety treatment sometimes take months, but don't give up. While working, try to focus on one small task at a time. Meditation is also good to improve focus and help on anxiety symptoms.
  • 1
    I was going through this a couple of years ago and am just now coming out of it. I was so stressed on my last job that I couldn't even remember to put gas in my car. I would overhear the other devs talking about how bad I was as a dev and it was soul crushing. I could not get a new job, because my confidence was shot and I had gotten overweight. I was working 60 to 70 hours a week and knew my boss was wanting to fire me. Anyway I know how you feel and I hope us dev rant peeps can provide hope.
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