SELECT * FROM [fucks_given]

0 Rows returned.

Me: hey dev, my in-app purchase isn't reflected on other phones with your app
Dev: *cricket noises*
About a week later...
Google Play: an update for this app is available
20 minutes later...
Dev: nope, that isn't an issue.

You updated the app minutes ago after being silent for so long. No mention of it being fixed in the changelog, no mention of it being fixed in the reply.. nothing. But I'll eat my hat if you didn't silently add it in and shoved it under the rug. Dickhead.

At least the issue doesn't exist.. anymore.

Please don't be like that...

Ebay app: Hey, look at this offer, you can save 30%!

Me: Urgh, alright, let me have a look
*Clicks notification*
*Offer seems alright, took me by surprise honestly*

*Scrolls down a bit*

Ebay app: ITEM DOESN'T SHIP TO YOUR LOCATION *evil laugh*

Fucking gets me every time

Welcome to the company I work at since 2 months, where we:

- do not have secure FTP
- do not have version control for 50% of our projects
- still use classic ASP for major projects
- give our public_html folder chmod 777
- do not have testing databases, only production ones

There's probably a lot more, but this is the first that came to my mind

Don't you just love those "Aha!" moments?!

Team lead comes into meeting late then asks if I'm good to present slides I haven't seen before.

No I am not

There’s a bug in production, where a user account is vulnerable to simple bruteforcing 15 minutes after signing up. I’m the only one who knows. To fix or not to fix 🤔

"No problem mate, we can collect your data from a bazillion other places anyway"

First tatto things 😂

Yep, today was a Monday. Had a request to truncate some tables. Set up a script to disable constraints, truncate, and re-enable constraint. It ran flawlessly. Too bad I ran against the wrong schema, though. Ran it against a dev schema instead of the requested itest schema, because the dev schema was stuck in my head. Well, I guess I tested it in dev. Against some developers schema. But, hey, it worked flawlessly. Because, you know, when you are pointing at the wrong place, it will always work. Every time.

When your professor invented the subject and you don't understand his lecture so you go online and search for the term and all you found is his slides from other universities when he was a professor over there.

So you have billion dollar idea, keep it to yourself.....

Updating firebase right before deploy... cost me 2 nights of no sleep.

Just wanted to take a moment to say that I'm really impressed with devrant. I'm not the most talented programmer, and it just blows my mind how one/two devs can build this entire platform from scratch on their free time. I wouldn't even know where to start.

Quitting in the hopes of finding a better paying company... I did

Transitioned from design to development 2 years ago, so hey this developer knows CSS 😂

ML Developer: "Can you create a separate config file including the index for the UI?"
Me: "Okay, can you send me a sample file for the format?"
ML Developer: "Hmm.. Okay."

My Brain:
Fetching IDs from ElasticSearch..
Fetching IDs from XML..
Which one to use?

Demon #1: "They need the index."

My Brain:
Still thinking..
Which one to use?
Which fields to include? Index, document type, ID, etc.

Demon #2: "The index, not the IDs!"

My Brain:
Processing..
So I will fetch the existing records, write their IDs to a file, and append the newly created records? That sounds.. weird.

All demons: THEY JUST NEED THE FUCKING INDEX, YOU OVERFLOWING TOILET BOWL FECES!

My Brain: Ooohh..

Config file:
index=index_name

Another reason to stop attempting to cut down from two mugs of coffee to one mug.

Start a fixed scope, fixed price project.

Riskiest Dev choice...

Leaving a previous job, moving 1000KM (620 Miles) away with no job prospects and going absolutely broke.

This was all in the name of “I need a better job”, so what better way to force yourself to get one.

I’m currently in my second job since then and now make just over double what I was earning before.

Sometimes it takes a high risk to get out ahead.

Phew.....I always freak out when i think of launching an app on playstore. It feels like a damn big thing! Making multiple keys, app bundles, signing, writing special descriptions, creating good looking screenshots/vids, the launch tracks.... A hell lot of work.

But recently i gathered up the courage to launch my first app in 2 years: https://play.google.com/store/apps/...

I know its simple, nd too late, but still, would like to know your thoughts on this