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Girlfriend (art student): “You’re in CS. Why don’t you use Windows? Macs are terrible for programming.”
Me: “macOS is better for doing command line compilation and shit because it supports Unix terminal commands and stuff with a reliable OS that’s better-supported than most Linux OSes. I also have Windows on my laptop too, for Visual Studio.”
Girlfriend: “Only like 1% of people use command line stuff. Windows is better for programming. I’ve seen a lot of CS majors use Windows.”
Me: “Uh. You watch me use my computer every day. The stuff I do in Terminal takes forever on Windows.”
Girlfriend: “Yeah, but Windows is just better for programming though.”
-Some run marathons, I run Python
-Some have energy drinks, I have Java
-Some fight in MMA, I fight with CSS
-Some see new places, I C new Places();
-Some are quick, I am Swift
-Some go camping, I Go Compiling
-Some can judge objectively, I can judge Objective-c
-Some climb mountains, I Scala Structures
-Some live adventurous lives, I live a BASIC one
-Some go ball, I COBOL
-Some watercolor, I Pascal
-Some look for diamonds and emeralds, I look for Ruby and Perl
-Some write novels, I TypeScript
-Some banter, I SmallTalk18
This is kind of a horror story, with a happing ending. It contains a lot of gore images, and some porn. Very long story.
TL;DR Network upgrade
Once upon a time, there were two companies HA and HP, both owned by HC. Many years went by and the two companies worked along side each one another, but sometimes there were trouble, because they weren't sure who was supposed to bill the client for projects HA and HP had worked on together.
At HA there was an IT guy, an imbecile of such. He's very slow at doing his job, doesn't exactly understand what he's doing, nor security principles.
The IT guy at HA also did some IT work for HP from time to time when needed. But he was not in charge of the infrastructure for HP, that was the jobb for one developer who didn't really know what he was doing either.
Whenever a new server was set up at HP, the developer tried many solutions, until he landed on one, but he never removed the other tested solutions, and the config is scattered all around. And no documentation!!
Same goes with network, when something new was added, the old was never removed or reconfigured to something else.
One dark winter, a knight arrived at HP. He had many skills. Networking, server management, development, design and generally a fucking awesome viking.
This genius would often try to cleanse the network and servers, and begged his boss to let him buy new equipment to replace the old, to no prevail.
Whenever he would look in the server room, he would get shivers down his back.
One and a half year later, the powerful owners in HA, HP and HC decided it was finally time to merge HA and HP together to HS. The knight thought this was his moment, he should ask CEO if he could be in charge of migrating the network, and do a complete overhault so they could get 1Gb interwebz speeds.
The knight had to come up with a plan and some price estimates, as the IT guy also would do this.
The IT guy proposed his solution, a Sonicwall gateway to 22 000 NOK, and using a 3rd party company to manage it for 3000 NOK/month.
"This is absurd", said the knight to the CEO and CXO, "I can come up with a better solution that is a complete upgrade. And it will be super easy to manage."
The CEO and CXO gave the knight a thumbs up. The race was on. We're moving in 2 months, I got to have the equipment by then, so I need a plan by the end of the week.
He roamed the wide internet, looked at many solutions, and ended up with going for Ubiquiti's Unifi series. Cheap, reliable and pretty nice to look at.
The CXO had mentioned the WiFi at HA was pretty bad, as there was WLAN for each meeting room, and one for the desks, so the phone would constantly jump between networks.
So the knight ended up with this solution:
2x Unifi Securtiy Gateway Pro 4
2x Unifi 48port
1x Unifi 10G 16port
5x Unifi AP-AC-Lite
12x pairs of 10G unifi fibre modules
All with a price tag around the one Sonicwall for 22 000 NOK, not including patch cables, POE injectors and fibre cables.
The knight presented this to the CXO, whom is not very fond of the IT guy, and the CXO thought this was a great solution.
But the IT guy had to have a say at this too, so he was sent the solution and had 2 weeks to dispute the soltion.
Time went by, CXO started to get tired of the waiting, so he called in a meeting with the knight and the IT guy, this was the IT guys chance to dispute the solution.
All he had to say was he was familiar with the Sonicwall solution, and having a 3rd party company managing it is great.
He was given another 2 weeks to dispute the solution, yet nothing happened.
The CXO gave the thumbs up, and the knight orders the equipment.
At this time, the knight asks the IT guy for access to the server room at HA, and a key (which would take 2 months to get sorted, because IT guys is a slow imbecile)
The horrors, Oh the horrors, the knight had never seen anything like this before.
What are all these for, why is there a fan ductaped to on of the servers.
WHAT IS THIS!
Why are there cables tied in a knot.
These are questions we never will know the answers too.
The knight needs access to the servers, and sonicwall to see how this is configured.
After 1.5 month he gains access to the sonicwall and one of the xserve.
What the knight discovers baffles him.
All ports are open, sonicwall is basically in bridge mode and handing out public IPs to every device connected to it.
No VLANs, everything, just open...16
Wrote a script that calms the extreme use of exclamation/question marks and capslocked rants, do have to say, it makes it much easier to read many of the rants, it also adds small stats at the bottom of the rant
may sound like it takes the "fun" out of those rants, but it only triggers if the capslock is more than the lowercased letters
wish the devrant webapp was accessible from mobile, to use all them scripts on mobile too28
I love how "shotgun debugging" works.
Let's say the microwave doesn't work. I put my burrito in it, press buttons. Nothing happens.
Any sane person would trace the possible cause: Check if it is plugged in, maybe the fuse is blown? Nah, we don't have time for this: Let's try shotgunning it!
- Turn the burrito upside down.
- Try aligning the burrito in different cardinal directions.
- Press random buttons
- Remove burrito wrapper
- Separate burrito into single components, sort them onto a plate in a nifty layout and try microwaving that.
- Remove each component of the sorted burrito plate and try microwaving the plate with less and less items.
- Try microwaving each separate item and then later reassembling them back into burrito to see if it gets heated after the act.
- Try putting a cat on top of the microwave.
- Pour water on cat
- Notice a strong reaction involving water and the cat.
- Try catching the cat for additional testing.
- Go to the hospital to get stitches on your open wounds.
Later write a bug report to the maintainer: "Microwave doesn't work. Tracked the issue down to the moisture level of the cat, additional testing needed."6
Since past two-three years, Indian Government has been organizing a Hackathon called Smart India Hackathon for college students. And Luckily our team was selected this year.
This team had 5 Electronics Student and 1 Computer Student. Guess who the Computer Student was? Yea, Me.
They Knew nothing about Android Development. And the idea was about an Android Development. I was the only person who could code.
The centre for our hackathon was Varanasi and we live in Hyderabad. So we had to go there. I have not really travelled a lot in the trains (especially not this far from Hyderabad to Varanasi ). During the whole 37 hours journey, I was not able to sleep cause I am not accustomed to sleeping on a train.
The moment we reached Varanasi the hackathon had started which was 36 hours long. Normally team members switch places so that they can sleep but not ours. Cause I was the only one coding and it had to be done in this 36 hours. So add this up 36+36 hours of no sleep, I must have rarely slept for 3-4 hours in that 72 hours.
After the hackathon, I slept like a Snorlax whereas the other went for a trip around Varanasi ('_')13
Angry customer (😤): Your software is still too slow!!!
Me (🙄): It's running good all in all. Let's divide this into smaller aspects. Which steps do you need to perform faster?
😤: Every step needs to be as fast as google!
🙄: But our software ain't google, not even to mention your infrastructure
😤: Everything needs to run in 2 seconds!!!
🙄: You aren't helping in any way. We need something to grasp...
😤: It's all your fault.
The GET /users endpoint will return a page of the first 13 users by default.
To request other pages, add |-separated querystring with the limit and offset, as roman numerals enclosed in double quotation marks. Response status is always equal to 200, plus the total count of the resource, or zero when there's an error.
You can include an array of friends of the user in the result by setting the request header "friends" to the base64-encoded value of the single white pixel png.
Other metadata is not included by default in responses, but can be requested by appending ?meta.json to any endpoint, which will return an xml response.
If you want to update the user's profile picture, you can request an OAuth token per fax machine, followed by a pigeon POST capsule containing a filename and a rolled up Polaroid picture. The status code attached to the return postal dove will be the decimal ASCII code for a happy smiley on success, and a sad smiley if any field fails form validation.
-- Every single external REST API I've ever worked with.8
Fuck this shit.
C# exams this week (on Mac..) and it says in the rules "to improve the comfort of the students it is allowed to bring your own equipment and set up your own environment" well that's great.
What a fucking shame these idiots see "your own equipment and environment" as peripherals ONLY. Bringing your own laptop is not allowed. Installing software you want to use is not allowed.
But hey, I'm allowed to bring my own chair.16
Was writing a first product for my best friend and my first company/startup. (that one is on hold now by the way).
Spent about a month doing a full-time internship and also programming after that the entire day. Weekends full of programming as well and after a few weeks I noticed that when turning around/walking quickly, I lost my balance.
Went to the doctor who immediately asked if I worked loads and loads to which I answered yes.
He took a look at my daily patterns in general and then told me that I was having a thing which you were only supposed to get at old age and that I was heading towards a burnout because my body was highly not used to/ready for this.
Continued for a little and people started asking why I looked so white (my face lost color) and unhealthy.
Started to take care of myself and voilà, within weeks I was getting better :)8
After months and months of unrealistic deadlines, pulling late night shifts coupled with an insane commute and two very small children at home I had a total burnout. Turned up to work one morning, and stared at the Java code I had been writing for the past couple of days and it might as well have been written in Martian. The more I stared, and the more I tried to keep things together internally the less I was able to make sense of anything - just a random jumble of characters on screen that were as intelligible as the green scrolling lines from The Matrix.
My office manager saw that I was obviously in some distress and took me into a meeting room to have a quick chat - and there I was, a grown man of 35 bawling my eyes out like a two year old. Not the most edifying moment of my life.
However, the company couldn't have been more supportive afterwards; one of my colleagues drove the 100 miles to get me home in my car and took a train back up to the office; my GP signed me off work for six months and treated me for severe depression; the office instituted stricter working policies - not on the developers, but the sales/PM teams that were handing down ridiculous timescales simply so they could get a sale.
For my part, I've learnt to push back and say "NO!" - work is not your life, it's an important part of your life, but my no means everything. Don't feel beholden to a company to meet unrealistic targets that you haven't agreed to. Talk.6
I am so fucking pissed off that I am shivering right now and can't even type.
The incompetent bastards in my team don't work and nobody bats an eye.
I spend five minutes on internet for some excel formula to enhance my productivity for the given tasks and everyone loses their mind.
This has been going around for months now. Maybe a year.
I tried to switch projects but still awaiting any opening in other teams.
I am functioning normally as a human but deep down I am completely shattered and broken with nothing to look forward in life.
I have failed a countless times.
I have learned from every failure.
I have implemented the learnings and failed better.
But never once, have I succeeded.
What pisses me off is the fact that jerks and assholes get everything without having to struggle or put in bare minimum efforts for survival.
It's like the richs are getting richer and poors are getting poorer.
Life is unfair and everything you do will go down the drain.
There is nothing called good karma. You only have bad karma to fuck you up all the time be it job, life, relationship, finances, the girl you like or the job you dream about, the car you want or the good deed that you did the other day, the vacation you plan for or the ice cream you want to at the end of day.
The wait will drain you out and then you die a painful death with nothing but regrets of not having lived the life you desire.
You have fretted all your life until now for smallest of the smallest things. But do you even remember something that made you happy or you felt satisfied?
Not sure why people are afraid of death when real pain is given by life?
JUST FUCK EVERYTHING BECAUSE LIFE IS DISPAIR AMD JUSTICE WILL NEVER BE SERVED.34
You're fucking using a PC.
If you're using an apple product that is a computer (it fucking computes things) and you can use it on your own then it is a personal computer. That's what PC means for the love of #keepDevrantReligionFree
I just saw someone saying that they use neither: Mac nor PC
Upon asking for clarification they said that they are using arch.
Are you fucking kidding me? Do you want to be as "cool" as Apple and refuse to use a name that's used for those kind of devices just to not belong in the same group as others?22
So I just booted up my laptop.
I agreed to all of it.
And continued my day.
Have a nice day everyone.
P.S no I'm not talking about emails14
Not a dev story, rather one from life in general.
My breakdown was back when I became homeless, pretty much lost everything and had to start all from scratch again. It's been one of the most difficult events in my life (and having been in not too great environments for most of my childhood, that's saying something) and I wouldn't even wish it upon the people that I hate the most.
Living just to survive the day and get shelter somewhere for the night, knowing that you have to move out again the next day is pure horror. That, and the social aspect of it really makes you question what "entitlement" really means. Human rights, the entitlement to shelter, food, water, etc... All of them are bonuses that society gives you, and they should not be taken for granted.
Back then I completely broke down, got suicidal, and started consuming drugs. Somehow however I got out, and now I have an apartment that I can truly call my own.. though it has taken tremendous support from healthcare organizations all across Belgium to make that happen... An act which I am really grateful for.
The moral of the story is that even in the worst parts of life, you should stay strong and keep fighting. After all, when you get out of it you'll be a lot stronger, and perhaps you can even look back to tell a nice story about it 😊19
So I had my first big fuck up today.
I accidentally deleted a table in our database. Told my boss, he wasnt that
happy with it. But he said that Im an intern and that Im here to learn. And explained somethings to me.
And then there's this asshole coworker. Who keeps saying mean things about me. And is acting like he never makes mistakes. Thanks shithead, make it worse. I already feel bad about what I have done.22
Social let's-help-female-programmers warriors piss me off.
The other day a massive email thread at work on how women are misrepresented in tech and how we need to help them and how using words such as "guys" is intimidating and generally patronising shit like "let's advertise jobs on websites like femaleprogrammers.com instead stackoverflow because there's too many white males on stackoverflow."
99% participants in this topic were guys.
One girl sent a message saying she doesn't want to be helped and she wants to know she has been picked for her skill and not filling in diversity numbers.
...would you believe she has been schooled on problems women in tech face by those lads too.
Like "woman, please... we speak diversity here"
Wrote my friend Sam a letter when I was still working in support. I think it still holds up today.
I understand that you will join us in our overseas office. Congratulations on landing that job. It’s good steady work. I’ve been doing it for the last ten years.
Your still young so maybe I can give you some little wisdom that will help you in your working years to come.
Let me begin by shedding some light on phone calls.
I try. I really do try Sam. But it is getting so hard for me to hold back the rage that builds up during certain phone calls. Especially the ‘Sorry, I just don’t know anything about computers! -giggle-’ ones.
Those are the times that I have no access to what they see. I’ve no team-viewer, can not take over that screen in any other way. And why-oh-why can I not take over that terminal session dear Sam? It’s because the caller can not double-click an icon or find a terminal session number.
And what is the reason for this? Because they ‘just don’t know anything about computers! -giggle-’. This is a sort of get-out-of-jail-free card. Beware of these callers Sam.
There is nothing so nerve-wrecking then finding yourself at the mercy of people describing Internet Explorer (do not even get me started) as ‘the big ‘E’, if they use Chrome for their webmail then they most likely will say ‘Mail’ if they mean Chrome. There is no logic Sam. That is just the way these people work.
They will suck all enjoyment out of your work. They will make you want to hunt them down in dark office hallways and show them your tears Sam. Because cry you will.
Sure, I understand that not everyone can be tech savvy. Why, if everyone would be, where would that leave us? No. I love the technologically challenged. They put the fiber in my internet. They make me LOL for real. After the initial anger subsides anyway.
But just below that well-willing folk, on the other side of that border… there they dwell: Management.
Nice cars, suits and iphones Sam. First thing a new manager will require is a brand spanking new business-card. It will hold his/her new title. Then an iphone or overpriced android model will follow suit.
Then they will barge into your office, holding it like it’s the next best thing since sliced bread.
Any manager will automatically assume that you will drop anything you are doing at the present moment to acknowledge the presence of greatness. Failing to do so will result in awkward yet fulfilling situations. I recommend that you do not take your hands of the keyboard and give only the slightest of nods after 5 minutes of complete silence and glaring.
Well… you feel the glare. You do not glare yourself. You do not break eye-contact with the monitor. It does not even matter if you are typing for real or not. I once clicked away happily for 5 minutes. I just typed ‘he is still there’ over and over again. Do not break down Sam. This moment will decide your relationship with this individual.
After the nod there will be a flood of words aimed in your general direction. You can disregard anything that is said. It boils down to ‘can not operate device’.
You then take the device from this person and put it next to you on your desk. You’ll ask the name of this simpleton, write it down on a sticky-note, slap that on the phone. Then you’ll write a random date in the not so near future on another sticky and hand that to the bewildered person in front of you.
It will usually utter some incoherent words about ‘needing, time or but’ (I find that ‘but’is a word they like. They tend to use it three or four times consecutive before you usher them through the door).
Now you’ve won Sam. Well… not really. But it will feel good, I can guarantee that.
This must do for now. A new suit is glaring at me for the last five minutes.
Felt good to do something productive with this time.
P.s. I just noticed that there is some foam around his mouth. So if you encounter this, don’t worry: it seems to be perfectly normal.12
Fucking HR cunts. I found a nice computer vision vacancy and decided to apply, look what these motherfuckers require :
- Amazon Web Services
- Spring Boot
- Web Sockets
- Grafana - Prometheus
- Java EE
- Graph QL
FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCKING FuCK OFF you monkeys. Shove your vacancy up your ass.
Another vacancy, another instance, I'm going to apply at employers site, (they sell some sort of CRM crapshit) forms not working, bc not fucking connected to anything. Just a fucking HTML and JS popup notification for submission laying around with its legs wide spread. Like its copied from w3schools or something.
Looked more on the site it is fucked from all sides like it's made by a school kid.
So I fired an email to the HR, something like "I went to apply but your forms are not working, I found the issue, it's that. Also I found some glory holes in your site, hope your I.T. finds them too. Anyways here is my CV, have a nice day"
Day later I'm shortlisted.29
So today I had a client come in and give me a free "broken" laptop that wouldnt turn on and was covered in grease and what appeared to be dog hair everywhere. So i go through my every day troubleshooting, found the problem and fixed it. Next i disassemble the entire laptop and just start air dusting and cleaning connections like crazy. Now I'm a proud owner of a really old school laptop that I can probably keep alive for another 10 years :) This will be a perfect machine to test arch linux on 😃19