“Fullstack dev continues to unleash his terror.”

We were in a meeting the other day discussing how we can integrate our React component with other existing systems easily — other React apps, Ionic, Angular, Vue and vanilla HTML.

All of a sudden, he opens his mouth.

Fullstack dev: So the thing is... it’s like...ummm... (he always starts after with these words. Always) since Ionic and Vue are both “angular-based”. It shouldn’t be a problem.

Me: excuse me! What do you mean vue is “angular-based”? What’s vue gotta do with angular?

Fullstack dev: You need angular installed to run vue apps and you have data binding in vue and in angular.

Me: (fuck me dead) I don’t know what that means, but I know what the Rock is cookin’. (My exact words in the meeting)

They flew him in from India and they keep extending his stay. He’s been working on the project for 2+ years now.

More to come!

Fullstack dev: Hey I need your help with one of this method in the service layer (We use Java).

Me: Sure. What’s up!

Fullstack dev: When you get a user ....blah blah blah...

Me (typing code):

if (user != null) { ... }

Fullstack dev: Wait! This won’t work. You need to write this:

if (null != user) { ... }

In Java, you write like this. In JS it’ll work, not in Java.

Me: (also fuck this guy)

He’s among the famous devs in the company - (A very very very famous European bank).

I checked his commits for the frontend (React Native)

switch (some_expr) {

case foo:
return stuff()
break // <— note this

case bar:
return moreStuff()
break // <— note this

// more cases here with break after return statements

}

Me: Hey if you’re returning from a case why are you using a break. It’s dead code.

Fullstack dev: It’ll fall through otherwise.

———————
You’re a fucking dunce! Please drink a litre of Carborane in a rusty HIV infested container! Cheers!

PS More to come!

Now I remember why I don't work from home.

It's 3pm and I've managed about an hour's work today -- most of which was debugging something really dumb. Lunch took me 2 freaking hours because I had help from a noisy smoke detector (EEEERH! EEEERH! EEEERH! EEEERH! ad nauseam), and everything kept going wrong. Girlfriend went to the store to pick up groceries; they were order-online groceries from a store 6 minutes away, so idk why it's taken over an hour. Now the smoke detector is pretending to "go to work" by watching youtube, and when that gets boring, he fights with his baby brother and steals his toys.

Children are fun and all, but they require 98% of your attention. and fuck, nobody else in this house makes any money, why the hell am I stuck watching them? While working!?

asdfakshaslkgjasdg

Update: now the smoke detector is taking the computer apart with a random electric screwdriver i haven't seen in years, and the baby suddenly has no pants.

3 years, part time, $0.

I used to volunteer my time to an old text based rpg, handling code changes, sysadmin maintenance and the likes - back when those were a thing in the mid 2000's and money wasn't my issue in life - free for them, experience for me - win win!

Was something to get my hands dirty back in the day and contribute to an active community, but since then that place has shut down and been disbanded.

When I discovered Clean Code, design patterns, TDD and BDD. It just clicked. Ever since everything build so easy and obviously. I no longer have most of the code problems folks rant here about.

That's when it came to me: it's not enough to know how to write code. To climb off those amateur shoes I must adopt those methodologies, so that the code would be decoupled from me, from my style, and I've got to let tests drive my code rather than vice versa to have a flexible and reliable codebase that is cheap and easy to maintain/extend.

“Fullstack dev continues to be consistent”

We’d an enhancement request where we needed to support Ionic apps. Our manager didn’t know anything about Ionic so she asks us what it was instead of asking Google.

Manager: so what’s this Ionic thingy?

Me: Ionic issss.... (gets interrupted by Fullstack dev)

Fullstack dev: so the thing is ... it’s like... (consistent with his opening lines as always) it’s a third party plugin which converts react app and html pages to native code.

Me: (thinking of sacrificing him at the altar of Lucifer)

Manager: Nice!

More to come.

Google is not even hiding their efforts in controlling the internet and holding sites for ransom:

https://theverge.com/2019/11/...

They will happily put a "badge of shame" on slow loading sites and I think this is just to force more sites to use AMP.

Fuck google. and I mean it. Firefox really is the last "FREE" browser available for us who care about this shit.

on the other hand, I hate the whole "Modern Web" shit. So if what google is doing will take it down then by all means, go fuck it up google.

We have this fella in our dev shitposting group chat called Pechay (Chinese white cabbage 🥬), who's a total junior in coding--he posts his code in the group chat whenever he encounters a problem, and we ask him pointedly if he even Googles his bugs. He earns more than most of us and still he asks really basic coding and debugging questions. Though we tease him for being a noob developer, we let him. All of us were guilty of being basic at one point, you know.

He gets teased over the slightest innocent dev question he poses us, and sometimes I wonder if he legitimately liked being the group chat's punching bag. I asked him personally if he was ever offended by our banter and luckily he said he didn't.

But there's this one time where he kind of rubbed off to me as somewhat cocky.

"Why are you [seniors] acting all high and mighty here? Did you guys ever win any programming competitions?"

I got offended and I told 🥬 that I have won almost all the programming competitions in college and that I've won four hackathons during my career. Then I told him that he does not know what he is talking about, thus telling him implicitly that he needs to know his place among us.

In hindsight, I knew he legitimately did not know who I am. Why did I get angry? Why am I expecting devs to know who I am? I don't tell anyone of my achievements. Why should I double down on this guy?

And this is why I logged out of Messenger too. Social media getting really too much for me.

Me: "We should remove that popup"

Marketer: "But our A/B testing statistics show a 14% increase in signups to our newsletter, and people who get our newsletter are 4% more likely to buy something"

Me: "0.14x0.04... so slightly more than half a percent improvement. And you also qualitatively measured how many people decide to never visit the page again, just because of that popup? Did you measure the how many internet users with adblockers run into a broken webpage? Did you measure the amount of emails to support from users who can't unsubscribe from the newsletter because there is no unsubscribe link?"

Marketer: "Why would they want to unsubscribe? The newsletter adds value to our users!"

Me: 😩

Have I mentioned lately how much I LOVE the stability of slack (and electron apps in general)?

Got notified of a new message in slack, clicked the channel and this is what I see, even after a restart. No content or UI controls of any kind are being rendered. No workspaces, no loading spinners, no errors, no warnings ... just nothing.

I don't give a fuck about your integrations, apps, giphy, video calls, search, threading ... I just want to read text.

Piece of fucking shit

One of my high school classmates, who is in med school, after learning some basic Python, once tried to psychoanalyze devs for saying Hello World in their first programs.

"Why do programmers always have to say 'Hello World' in their first program?" Lea mused. "Like why is it the default? Do programmers have this mindset that we will say 'Goodbye World' eventually?"

"Because that's what it's in the tutorials." I simply replied. "Nothing Freudian or Jungian about it. That's just it."

"Well what's the philosophical reason behind 'Hello World'?" She mused. "Is it the programmer's equivalent of a crying baby after being birthed?"

"Nothing Plato-ish or Aquinas-y about it Lea, lol. It's just 'Hello World'!" I laughed. "Hello World is just a sample string."

"Why is it that programming tutorials use Hello World, then?"

"Well did you actually say 'Hello World' in your first program?" I, a real dev, asked.

"Yeah, did you?"

"No. My first program per programming language is always 'Maganda si Jenny kaysa sa inyong lahat!' (Jenny is prettier than all of you!)."

There's nothing psychological about Hello World, Lea. 😂

Aw shucks.

Web dev Boyfriend: "How do you feel about exploring new technologies, such as PWAs and React Native?"
Jenny: "My interest in PWAs and React Native is purely academic. 😊"

Translation: "I think React Native is shit but I will study it anyway."

Boyfriend: "Why?"
Jenny: "You know me, I am a slave to my passion towards learning new things. 😘"

Translation: "...so I can prove that React Native is shit."

Can't be blunt all the time. Sometimes you have to be charitable to people. 😂😬

When I wasn’t the lead yet there are so many things I want to do and improve. I have asked and judged my lead’s choices a thousand times for choosing the easy and fast way instead of the right way.

Now that he left and his role was given to me, I can now sense the same judgements from my members to the decisions I make (or not make).
I now understand. We don’t always have the luxury of time. If I say yes to improving everything at once then our app will never be done. (That our bosses will blame me for)

I started a hobby software project producing TV graphics for eSports racing events.

At first it really only was a hobby without getting paid at all. After a few years we got our first customer for whom we build a fully functional TV graphics package for their broadcasting network for about 350€ for roughly 80-100 hours of work total.

This was the first time I was getting paid for my own software and since it was just a hobby, it was nice at that time.

After a few more years in the business, we are lucky enough that our software is used by the game developers themselves and big car companies for their eSports events and we are able to make a decent profit from our small hobby.

Took only about 5 years. So never give up, I guess. :)

So the same guy who called Ninetails from Naruto a wolf is PM in this project with me

During scrum meeting:

PM: I read the project scope again and I realised there are scopes that we didn't get it. Each time I read the scope there's something new.

Me: *Sure, the scope is fucked with a long 8 feet dragon dildo to start with*

PM: Read the scope 5 times, cause we don't want to miss anything. If QA raises an issue regarding the modules which are in scope but you implemented it wrong then it won't be considered Change request and you have to do deliver it in time even work on weekends with no compensation.

Me: ...

PM: Now, go through the scope again today and we will hold a meeting after working hours (unpaid, but can be adjusted in monthly avg) and I will ask random questions.

Me: *tf*

PM: And anyone who won't be able to answer them will sit through the non-working hours and go through the scope again

Me: *YOU FUCKTARD, incompetence from your side or from business development team to create a simple understandable scope can't force us to sit through non-working hours.*

I already had an opinion about this guy from my previous rant, his improved a little in between but I guess not

So I see some rants hating on OOP here. Lemme get the record straight: OOP is trash without SOLID principles. They're like husband and wife, Mass and Divine Office, developer and rubber ducky, cat and catnip. Car and garage. DuoLingo and push notifications.

For example, without the Liskov Substitution Principle, you'd have this god abstract class that has lots of abstract methods, some of those methods will only be used by other classes (as in filled with subclass-specific code) and remained unused by the others.

Without Dependency Inversion, your classes would be chock full of dependencies invoked at property level and you find yourself repeating the initializations of the same dependencies across classes.

SOLID is OOP's inner mainstay. Without SOLID, your OOP codebase would be this beast you have to feed that grows ever increasingly violent. You have a beef with OOP, fine. But I think it's unreasonable for a developer to hate on OOP if they do not implement some SOLID principles on top of it at first.

My magnetic wall-type wireless charger prototype failed again and it's the second fuse I've blown this week. Fourth in my entire life.

House is dark again. Father is angry because he's on a PC and he got cut off from the anime he's watching, and the siblings are now laughing at my hopeless wireless electricity project. 😂😂😂 My cat is now internally judging me with her squint, too.

Alright, alright, I'll get a USB wall plug now and try hooking up the magnetic charger into it. USB power cables are more or less the same thing, right? 😂😂😂

I mean come on, Apple's magnetic charger comes with a USB power cable on one end. Should be a no brainer...

Why did God afflict me with a disordered attachment towards tinkering with stuff?

A couple of months, 0$

It was a school project where I had to make a website for a company. I asked for a small amount of money for the website(100 euro). They accepted my offer but when it was time to sell the website, the company was sold to someone else. Unfortunately, they didn't want to pay for the website. They didn't even bother looking at the website(They are probably using Wix right now though).

Sorry if my English is crap :)

One of my former coworkers was either completely incompetent or outright sabotaging us on purpose. After he left for a different job, I picked up the project he was working on and oh my God it's a complete shitshow. I deleted hundreds of lines of code so far, and replaced them with maybe 30-40 lines altogether. I'm probably going to delete another 400 lines this week before I get to a point where I can say it's fixed.

He defined over 150 constants, each of which was only referenced in a single location. Sometimes performing operations on those constants (with other constants) to get a result that might as well have been hard-coded anyway since every value contributing to that result was hard-coded. He used troublesome and messy workarounds for language defects that were actually fixed months before this project began. He copied code that I wrote for one such workaround, including the comment which states the workaround won't be necessary after May 2019. He did this in August, three months later.

Two weeks of work just to get the code to a point where it doesn't make my eyes bleed. Probably another week to make it stop showing ten warnings every time it builds successfully, preventing Jenkins from throwing a fit with every build. And then I can actually implement the feature I was supposed to implement last month.

I developed and have been maintaining an organization website for the past 6 years for free. The organization gave me a full scholarship 15 years ago which opened up so many doors and allows me to finish high school and college without a single cent, and now I’m living comfortably with good job.
My parents wouldn’t be able to afford me the higher education. So I’m very grateful and paying it forward for the future students.