Maybe the reason why she fucked up is because i was the one who left her. Maybe just maybe i could make this right. But how? When i look at her i just cant leave her. Not like this. Not the way i left. Maybe i need to stay wkth this fucked up jewel and stay and make her happy. I never hold the future. But i know im happy. Even if she wont choose me in the end. More uncertainties. More heart gutting feeling. More tears. Now i question, what is happiness? What is contentment. What is love and what is the fine boundary between being a martyr and being in love?

I realized that i had bottled up this feelings so i could protect myself.